11120 lines
1.0 MiB
11120 lines
1.0 MiB
proc unispace {{n {}}} {join [map [seq 1 [or $n [rand 100 200]]] {x {uchar [?? {2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 2008 2009 200a 200b 200c 200d 200e 200f 0020 00a0 202f 3000 feff}]}}] {}}
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proc onmars args {concat have you ever [join $args]? have you ever [join $args]...[color red]ON MARS??[color]}
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proc {} v {return $v}
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proc mladfrot args {return "<mlad> hey [name $args] lets do some [crw_word]\n<mlad> i bet i can [crw_word] the shit out of you"}
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proc cdown_to_secs {secs {event event}} {set e [expr $secs - [clock seconds]]; if {$e < 0} { set e (-$e); set txt "past" } else { set txt "until" }; set d [($e / 86400)]; set e [($e - $d * 86400)]; set h [($e / 3600)]; set e [($e - $h * 3600)]; set m [($e / 60)]; set e [($e - $m * 60)]; return "$d days, $h hours, $m minutes, and $e seconds $txt $event"}
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proc magick-scale-composite-bottom-left {url1 url2 {scale 0.5}} { magick_scheme [scale-and-composite-gen $url1 $url2 $scale B L] }
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proc hex2dec {hex {sep { }} {byte 2}} { m [nsplit $hex $byte] {x {. [scan $x %x]}} $sep }
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proc STdarren {} {return [STrabbit]}
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proc stbc args { return "[color white on black] Lou Dobbs says: [color red on black]$args, show the birth certificate!"}
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proc kuntakinte {} {zulu [gudrize [whittle [strip_all [ubuntu]]]]}
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proc STbomb {} {return " ,--.!,\n __/ -*-\n ,d08b. '|`\n 0088MM \n `9MMP' "}
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proc menu_food_suffix {} {subst [lindex_random $::menu_food_suffix]}
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proc STfeetup {} { return " ,...o o,,,. \n ( ) ( ) \n \\ ( ) / \n \\_) (_/ ";}
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proc ð© {} malcom
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proc cosharc {word n} { join [map [seq $n 1] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * cosh(3.14 * $x/20))]] $word }}] \n }
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proc ddb2 {} {ajoin "" [flip [STdarren]] [ddb]}
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proc drostegoon {} {embed [embed [embed [chinsamid] [ncock 3] 23 6] [omg] 26 5] {O8===:D - - - -} 29 7}
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proc niggamide {} {join {flip[pyramid nigger]} {pyramid nigger}}
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proc ljpics url {regsub ^http://pics.livejournal.com/.*$ $url &.jpg}
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proc image-bbq url { magick_scheme [bbq-gen $url] }
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proc WOOOHAH {{x 60}} {set out ""; foreach cum [seq 1 20] {append out [_m [seq 1 $x] {x {. [^C][rand 2 13],[rand 2 13]▄}} ""]\n}; . $out}
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proc asterixsay args {ajoin "" [asterix] "\n / \n" [wrap [join $args " "] 30]}
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proc cutback args {embed [civguy] "YOU CAN'T CUT\nBACK ON\n[wrap [upper [join $args]] 13]!!\n\nYOU WILL\nREGRET THIS!!" 34 2}
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proc hypnotic {} {return ",_________ __________ \n\\ @ | \\ | @ /\n \\______/ \\ \\______/\n \\ \n / \n \\_____________________\n"}
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proc winkiebait args {. "i'm [pick 1 {. "downloading"} 1 {. "reading"} 1 {. "watching"}] a quite terribly interesting [pick 1 { . "wikipedia article"} 1 { . "documentary"}] on [w_topic]"}
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proc penisbird {} {join [mapx [seq 1 [expr {int(rand()*5)+2}]] x {lindex_random {a s d f}}] {}}
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proc gaydar {{nick {}}} {pink [gaydar:placename [gaydar:scope] $nick] }
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proc --> args {auto_tr args}
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proc uspace {} unispace
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proc arotate90 strl { rot:serializematstringmap [rot:rotatematrix90 [split $strl \n]] [rot:arotate90map] }
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proc manbabies {} {mega thread_gen}
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proc arima {} {biggaybowtext lmao}
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proc apply {cmd arg} { uplevel [concat $cmd $arg] }
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proc onebutan_preamble {} {. We, the people of the Hodapp, in order to form a more perfect Chipotle, establish Frappuchinos, insure domestic Butans, provide for the common presing, and secure the blessings of Foodbloggin to ourselves and our Macfaginess while denying andrzej access to any and all w810is, do ordain and establish this IRC chat log for the United States of Butan}
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proc image-bbw url {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $url http\://xs135.xs.to/xs135/09030/n733843548_1308162_9930637.png 1.0}
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proc gaydisco {} { next_in_list {{Gay Disco} {Another Gay Disco} {Yet Another Gay Disco} {Gay Disco #1} {Gay Disco #2} {Gay Disco #3} {Gay Disco #4} {Gay Disco #5} {Gay Disco #6} {Gay Disco #7} {Gay Disco #8}}}
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proc STbigowl {} {. " ___\n .·´ `·.\n /.·\"·.·\"·.\\\n || o | o ||\n )\\__/V\\__/(\n / .´ `. \\\n /| ' ' |\\\n / | : : | \\\n | | : : | |\n \\/\\ '·...·' /\\/\n ·.uu.uu.·"}
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proc tits {{oi {}}} {set oi [name $oi]; return "[name $oi] has the nicest tits ever. I'd like to play with [name $oi]'s tits, suck on [name $oi]'s tits, bang my dick agressively against [name $oi]'s tits, then cover [name $oi]'s tits with my manwad. True story."}
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proc paste_shit args {set itext $args; set code [last [http post http://www.heypasteit.com/perm-it "text=$itext&fakesecurity=2453564"]];. "blabhalbhalbh: http://www.heypasteit.com/clip/$code"}
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proc cmdline {} {. [cached_nick]@[underscoreize [random_word]]:[unix_path]$ [unixcmd]}
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proc nigerian_spam {} {set name "[title] [waspfirstname] [zulufullname]"; set bank "[waspfullname] Bank Ltd"; set client "[title] [zulufullname]"; set my_percent [expr {(int(rand()*9)+1)*10}]; set your_percent [expr {100-$my_percent}]; set ret [list]; foreach line $::nigerian_spam_lines {lappend ret [subst $line]}; join $ret \n}
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proc master_generate i { set r [list [randbm 1 7] [randbm 1 7] [randbm 1 7] [randbm 1 7]]; array set ::mastermind [list $i $r]; return [lindex [array get ::mastermind $i] 1]; }
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proc lispquote {} { ?? $::lispquote }
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proc satan {} {return "AHHH I'M BLIND 0_o<SATAN>AHHH I'M BLIND o_0AHHH I'M BLIND O_O>SATAN<AHHH I'M BLIND 0_o<SATAN>AHHH I'M BLIND o_0AHHH I'M BLIND O_O>SATAN<AHHH I'M BLIND 0_o<SATAN>AHHH I'M BLIND o_0AHHH I'M BLIND O_O>SATAN<AHHH I'M BLIND 0_o<SATAN>AHHH I'M BLIND o_0AHHH I'M BLIND O_O>SATAN<"}
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proc rgpwtc args {apply randomgarfieldpluswtc $args}
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proc chess:move {boardName move} {
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upvar 1 $boardName board
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foreach {from to} [split $move -] break
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set fromMan $board($from)
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if {$fromMan == "."} {error "no man to move at $from"}
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set toMan $board($to)
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if ![valid? board $move] {error "invalid move for a [manName $fromMan]"}
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set board($from) .
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set board($to) $fromMan
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if {$toMan != "."} {append move -$toMan} ;# taken one
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lappend board(history) $move
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set board(toMove) [expr {$board(toMove) == "white"? "black": "white"}]
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set toMan ;# report possible victim
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}
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proc jizzcums2 str {jizzcum-fix [jizzcum $str]}
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proc force_image url {if [regexp {\.(|jpe?g|JPE?G|gif|GIF|png|PNG|tiff?|TIFF?|pdf|PDF|bmp|BMP)$} $url] {return $url} {return ${url}#.jpg}}
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proc ALPHABET {} {seq a z}
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proc digital_signal_processor {} {return "digital sheepfucker"}
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proc citation {} {return "\[citation needed\]"}
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proc alert_troll {{name {}}} {return "[alert [name $name] [trolldb]]"}
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proc will_deal {{who {}} {rate 50}} {. "<[name $who]> i'd pay \$$rate/month for will never to mention [sun_word] in [channel] again"}
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proc sluice {{who {}}} {string map {slice sluice eyes box} [slice $who]}
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proc morenaps {} {. error: invalid command name "morenaps?" - did you mean "morecoffee?"}
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proc imhard {} {join [list {(__)} { Oo Chat Medium Hard} { \ }] \n}
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proc dasvw {} {return "[bgc 01 04 1 volk]\n \n[bgc 04 01 1 reich]\n \n[bgc 01 04 1 getriebe]"}
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proc get_image_size_uncached url { [regsub -all index.php\/http:\/+ http://i.buttes.org/size.php/$url http:\/\/] }
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proc brexit {} {s/Bristol/Brexit/ [stoolchart]}
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proc megamystery {} {subst [join [string repeat {[mystery] } 5] \n]}
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proc first_true args { foreach a $args { if {$a ne "" && $a ne {}} { return $a};} }
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proc scale {str {n 2}} { join [map [nlsplit [vrepeat $str $n]] {x {rexplode $x $n}}] \n }
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proc my_dick {} {expr pow(9,pow(9,9))}
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proc { } args {return " /\\____/\\\n | \\\n / @ @ |\n | ( @) = $args\n = |_| \\\n / ___ /\\ )\n(_____) /(_/\n | /\n | / \\ \\\n | / ) )\n () \\ \\\n \\ )"}
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proc sirenize args {apply {ajoin [siren]} [split [string toupper [join $args]]]}
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proc ! args {apply cnbc $args}
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proc STbook {} {return " /-/|\n /_/ |\n | |/|\n |^| |\n |_|/ "}
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proc alliteral {{who {}}} {return "gotta get me some [alliterate [name $who] $::sexparts]"}
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proc lastblake {{n 0}} {lindex [blakelog] end-$n}
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proc consonant {} {lindex_random [lsubtract [seq a z] $::vowels]}
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proc aimnorris {{args {}}} {aim -n [aimname $args] Check out this funny joke: [chucknorris]}
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proc almeal {} {. <@Al> [string totitle [goon_cooking_method]] [choose [al_man_word] [gudrow_word] [singlerandomword]]. [mmm]}
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proc shortmystery {} {set ret [mystery]; regexp -all "([^\n]+)" $ret {} a; return $a}
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proc % {a b} {expr $a%$b}
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proc honeypot {} {. \1DCC\1}
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proc & args {list x [list apply $args \$x]}
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proc ^gay {} {set line [^]; set tok [lindex_random $line]; string map [list $tok [choose [butte_word] [crw_word]]] $line}
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proc color_box {colors art} { ajoin "[bold][color [first $colors] [last $colors]]" "" "[strip_color $art]"}
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proc fake_ip {} {. [rand 256].[rand 256].[rand 256].[rand 256]}
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proc fatgoon2 {{glob {}}} {chinsay [fatgoonwebquote $glob]}
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proc weaselize str {set ret ""; foreach w [split $str] {append ret "$w "; switch [rand 4] {0 {append ret "dook, "}}}; append ret " DOOK!!"; return $ret}
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proc blackjack_losing p { return [expr [blackjack_get_bid $p]]; }
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proc wooareyou {{idiot {}}} {return " ^...^\n / o,o \\ Owlie wonders\n |):::(| Woo the Fuck\n ====w=w=== Do you think you are, [name $idiot]?"}
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proc next_mac_feature {} {choose "[iphone_feature]" "[mac_feature]"}
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proc * args {expr [join $args *]}
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proc flag {} mac_flag
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proc sadball args {return $::sadball}
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proc + args { expr [join $args +] }
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proc , {list args} { global $list;set l [set $list];set a 0;set d 0;foreach e $args {if {[lsearch -exact $l $e] > -1} {incr d} {lappend $list $e;incr a}};. "$a elements added to \$$list ($d duplicates skipped)" }
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proc fathostgoon {} {return "[goonhost], [fastfood] [goonhost] with [goonhost], [fatcookingword] in the [cooking_appliance] for [expr {int(rand()*5)+2}] minutes and top off with [gamer_phrase]. [fatgoon_finale].\n[goonsay]"}
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proc - args { expr [join $args -] }
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proc shaktibrero {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; return " /\\ \n\\ shakti /\n /..\\\n \\_O/ Shakti sombrero for $who"}
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proc . args { args }
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proc xmas_colours {} {next_in_list {3 4}}
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proc randsub {s b {p 12}} {join [mapx [split $s] w {if {$p > [rand 100]} {set b} {set w}}] " "}
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proc / args { expr [join $args /] }
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proc crop_to_fit-gen {url {xoff 0} {yoff 0} {w 63} {h 79}} { return "
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(let ((ar (/ (* 1.0 $w) (* 1.0 $h)))
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(im (image [scheme_escape $url]))
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(iw (width im))
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(ih (height im))
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(xoff (if (= $xoff -1) (int (/ (* ar iw) 4)) $xoff))
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(yoff (if (= $yoff -1) (int (/ (* ih ar) 4)) $yoff))
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(x (- iw xoff))
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(y (- ih yoff))
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(oar (/ (* 1.0 x) (* 1.0 y))))
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(if (> oar ar)
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(crop im xoff yoff (* y ar) y)
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(crop im xoff yoff x (/ x ar))))
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"}
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proc unhtmlize args {unescape_html_entities [join "$args"]}
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proc 1 {} { return "1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1\n 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 \n1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1\n 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 \n1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1" }
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proc {define infantilise} args {return v. To force adult men to watch other grown men make crude jokes, trapped in a virtual lego land (which appeals to autistic menchildren.) }
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proc whatmonth args {return "[color white on black]NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim September 15 through October 15, 2009, as[color red on black] National $args Month[color white on black]. I call upon public officials, educators, librarians, and all the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate ceremonies, activities, and programs."}
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proc master_set_stat {i l} { array set ::mastermind_stats [list $i $l]; return $l; }
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proc erowid id { html [first [regexp -all -inline "<!-- Start Body -->(.*?)</font>" [wget http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=$id]]] }
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proc image-pistol-left img { magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $img http://assets.buttes.org/magick/b27009e53cd657bdbda9c3231d019769.gif 0.8 }
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proc sinewave2 word {join [map [seq 1 20] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * sin(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] [subst $word] }}] \n}
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proc goon_cooking_method {} {return [lindex_random $::goon_cooking_method]}
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proc FtoC F {set C [expr ($F-32)/1.8]; . $C}
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proc dole_clock_subtracthour {} {}
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proc ulillillia {} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://www.ulillillia.us/images/mountainfun.gif\nClimbing mountains and high speed movement are a thrill in my mind game.\nhttp://www.ulillillia.us/features/mindgame/mindgamehome.shtml}
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proc 5 {} {return "5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5\n 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 \n5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5\n 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 \n5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5"}
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proc steveburger {} {. Someone should make a burger filled with real shit instead of meat and feed it to STEVE JOBS. how can he let AAPL fall 96% in a single day and not release a new ipod shuffle or a imac this is redicilious!}
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proc swingler_todo {} {. [subst [join [string repeat {[swingler_list_item] } 5] \n]]}
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proc anagrams_for word {lines [string map {<br> {}} [string trim [lindex [regexp -inline {:\n</b><br>(.*?)<!--} [~http://wordsmith.org/anagram/anagram.cgi?[? anagram $word t 1000 a n]]] end]]]}
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proc feminism {} {return "yo gurl what kinda feminism u into? i'm all about about the [oxfordjoin [concat [lrange $::feminisms 0 end-1] [list "don't forget the [lindex $::feminisms end] too!"]]]"}
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proc v%chanlist {c {flags {}}} {
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global botnick
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lsearch -not -all -inline -regexp [subst "\[[concat chanlist ${c} ${flags}]\]"] "(?iq)${botnick}"
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}
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proc unknown_match_glob_or_regexp {string pattern} {if [regexp {^/(.*)/(i)?} $pattern {} r i] {set r [string map {\\\\ \\ \\/ /} $r]; if {$i eq "i"} {regexp -nocase $r $string} {regexp $r $string}} else {string match $pattern* $string}}
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proc stfu {{fag radeon}} {biggaybowtext stfu\ $fag}
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proc typical_mac_user {} { typical_mac_user_scheme }
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proc pringles {} {lindex_random $::mahvel_dict}
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proc FtoK F { CtoK [FtoC $F] }
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proc 2dgetchar {f x y} { string index [lindex [split $f \n] $y] $x}
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proc scheme_escape str {string map {\" \\\" \\ \\\\} $str}
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proc inject {list memo block} {
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foreach value $list {
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set memo [yield $memo $value]
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}
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return $memo
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}
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proc STniggaturtle {} {return " -- ,_-----_,\n /..\\-/VVVVVVVV\\\n \\_O/-|/ /___\\ \\|,\n \"\" \"\"\n\n"}
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proc delgex:single {} {. single!}
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proc dominator {} {. "http://limux.biz/img/dominator.jpg"}
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proc stack args {apply caption $args}
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proc your args {if {$args eq "mom"} {return "my mom"} {return "no YOUR [join $args]"}}
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proc ? args {query $args}
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proc aimthread args {aim -n [aimname [join $args]] "Can you post in my thread \"[sa_thread_link [lindex_random [sa_thread_ids 46]]]\"? I need someone to back me up about how much [political_word]s and [ethnic_group] suck."}
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proc skroob {} {return "are you new here?"}
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proc rpost {tid text} {set re [http post http://www.reddit.com/api/comment "api_type=json&text=$text&thing_id=$tid&uh=[modhash]&reddit_session=[rcookie]" "Cookie reddit_session=[urlencode [rcookie]];Domain=www.reddit.com;Path=/;"]; if {[regexp {doing that too much} $re]} {. "try again in [last [regexp -inline {elimit": (.+?),} $re]] seconds"} {. http://reddit.com/api/info?id=[last [regexp -inline {fullname.+?"(.+?)\\} $re]]}}
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proc chirpz {} { subst [lindex_random $::chirpz] }
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proc scienceblah {} {"i hope science will harvest the power of the [random_particle] and use it for weapons"}
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proc bolgimo {} {bgbt bolgimo}
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proc oontz {} {return "Ja. Ich heisse Dr. Oontz, der teknonische doktor. Und Ich mochte etwas zu sagen. Diese junge heute, sie magen das \"oontz oontz musik\". Sie weissen nicht der schwierigkeit von den oontz oontz leben ist. ABER ICH WEISS DAMIT. KOMM ZU MIR. I like yr page. \;)"}
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proc stampthink args {set i -1;set f 0;set s [string range [?? [info procs ST*]] 2 end];set o [?? {l r}];foreach a $args {incr i;if {$s eq "_"} {set s $a;continue};if {$a eq "--"} {incr i;break};switch -glob -- $a {-f* {set f 1} -l* {set o l} -r* {set o r} -s* {set s _} default break}};set u [wrap [join [lrange $args $i end]] 45];set t [eval ST$s];if $f {set t [flip $t]};if {$o eq "r"} {ajoin " " $u "\nO\n o" "\n$t"} {ajoin " " "\n$t" "\n O\no " $u}}
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proc lindex_random {list {index -1}} {if {$index == -1} {set index [rand [llength $list]]}; lindex $list $index}
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proc D {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> Ever since I started coding in D I've seen a noticable increase in the [shakti_word], [shakti_word], and [shakti_word] of my applications."}
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proc go:map_board_xyp {gboard f} {set ol [list]; foreach {w h board} [go:whboard $gboard] { for {set y 0} {$y < $h} {incr y} { set o [list]; set row [lindex $board $y]; for {set x 0} {$x < $w} {incr x} { set xv [lindex $row $x]; lappend o [$f $x $y $xv]; }; lappend ol $o }; return $ol }}
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proc csam_dikky_twat args {rotwt [csam_dikkyize [yiff_csam $args]]}
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proc stig {} { ?? $::stig_dict}
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proc set_cdown_event {name time} {set ::cdown_events($name) [clock scan $time]}
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proc chefspecial {} {. Chef's Special: [bold][string toupper [crw_word]]}
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proc fagflag {} { string map "MILLS CHANGE! {TWO AMERICAS} [name]" [edwards_flag] }
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proc holohoax_question {} {lindex_random $::holohoax_questions}
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proc hellocool args {. <@hello> sometimes [or [join $args] [word ism$]] is kinda cool}
|
||
proc STamerica {} {return \ \ \ \ ,__\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _,\ \n\ \\~\\|\ \ ~~---___\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ,\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \\\ \n\ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ /\ |\ \ \ ~~~~~~~|~~~~~|\ ~~---,\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _/,\ \ >\n\ /~-_--__|\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ /\ ~\\~~/\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ /~|\ ||,'\ \n\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ /\ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |------|\ \ \ \{\ \ \ \ /\ /~)\ \ \ \ \ __-\ \ ',|_\\,\ \n/\ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ |~~~~~~~~|\ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ |\ |\ '~\\\ \ |_____,|~,-'\ \n|~~--__\ |\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |____\ \ |~~~~~|--|\ |__\ /_-'\ \ \ \ \ \{,~\ \ \ \ \n|\ \ \ |\ \ ~~~|~~|\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ ~~\\\ \ \ \ \ /\ \ `-'\ |`~\ |~_____\{/\ \ \ \ \ \n|\ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ '---------,\ \ \ \ \ \ \\----|\ \ \ |\ \ |\ \ ,'\ ~/~\\,|`\ \ \ \ \ \n',\ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ |~~~~~~~|\ \ \ \ \\\ \ |\ ,'~~\\\ \ /\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ |\ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \\_-~\ \ \ \ /`~___--\\\ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ ',\ \ \ \\\ \ ,-----|-------+-------'_____/__----~~/\ \ \ \ \ \ /\ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ '_\ \ \ '\\|\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |~~~|\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ _/-,~~-,/\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ |_\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ /~~|~~\\\ \ \ \ \\,/\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ ~~~-'\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ `~~~\\___|\ \ \ |\ \ \ |\ \ \ \ /\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ '-,_\ \ |\ _____|\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ /\ \ \ |\ ,-'---~\\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ `~'~\ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ `--,~~~~-~~,\ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\/~\\\ \ \ \ \ \ /~~~`---`\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ /\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ '\\'\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ `~'\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ }
|
||
proc tuxpaintstamp args { if {[llength $args] > 0} { set s [search tuxpaintstamps $args]; if {[llength $s] > 0} { return [lindex $::tuxpaintstamps [?? $s]] } { return [?? $::tuxpaintstamps] } } { return [?? $::tuxpaintstamps] } }
|
||
proc lfilter {glob list args} {set nocase 0; if {$glob eq "-nocase"} {set nocase 1; set glob $list; set list [first $args]}; lsearch -inline -all -regexp $list [glob_to_regexp $glob $nocase]}
|
||
proc lastfm:urlfilter_broken x {regsub -all {\+} [subst [regsub -all {%} $x {\x}]] { }}
|
||
proc J {} {. DR. NIGGERR ON WATAMELON DUTY}
|
||
proc noconsonants args {regsub -all -nocase {[bcdfghjklmnpqrstvwxyz]} [join $args] ""}
|
||
proc man:args cmd {if [info exists ::man::$cmd(args)] {. $::man::$cmd(args)} else {return 0}}
|
||
proc K {a b} {set a}
|
||
proc black_ls {} {set n [name]; set d [choose "-" "d"]; format "%s %d %-8.8s %-8.8s %4d %s %s%s" [permission $d] [expr "{$d} == {d} ? [rand 9] : 1"] $n [plural [string tolower [marginalize]]] [rand 10000] [lstime] [talking_word_for $n] [expr "{$d} == {d} ? {/} : {}"]}
|
||
proc fedroulette {} {if [fedroulette_empty] fedroulette_reload fedroulette_squeeze}
|
||
proc beeptest {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {return [beep]} else {ajoin "" "$who: " [beep]}}
|
||
proc underscoreword {} {return [underscoreize [random_word]]}
|
||
proc Leftmost {} {return [leftmost]}
|
||
proc boger {} {return "[gudrize [pick 1 albot 1 niggerphrase 1 overheardline 1 cached_onehug 1 mystic]] boger for president 2008XXXXXXXXXX\n[bogersay I'm Dorothy Boger and I approve this message.]"}
|
||
proc factor args {
|
||
global factor;
|
||
global factor_stats;
|
||
set nick [nick];
|
||
if {[lindex $args 0] eq "stats"} {
|
||
if {[llength $args] > 1} {
|
||
set n [lindex $args 1]
|
||
if {[lsearch [array names factor_stats] $n] < 0} {
|
||
return "$n is too busy licking dicks to factor polynomials"
|
||
} else {
|
||
set f [lindex $factor_stats($n) 0]
|
||
set e [format "%.1f" [expr 100.0*$f/[lindex $factor_stats($n) 1]]]
|
||
return "$n has factored $f polynomials with $e% efficiency";
|
||
}
|
||
} else {
|
||
set topscores [lrange [lsort -decreasing -command cmp_factor_stats [array_to_list factor_stats]] 0 9]
|
||
set i 1
|
||
foreach s $topscores {
|
||
set n [lindex $s 0];
|
||
set f [lindex $s 1];
|
||
set e [format "%.1f" [expr 100.0*$f/[lindex $s 2]]];
|
||
lappend ret "$i: $n has factored $f polynomials with $e% efficiency";
|
||
incr i
|
||
};
|
||
return [join $ret \n];
|
||
}
|
||
};
|
||
if {[lsearch [array names factor] $nick] < 0} {
|
||
set a 0;set b 0;set c 0;set d 0;
|
||
while {!$a} {set a [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
while {!$b} {set b [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
while {!$c} {set c [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
while {!$d} {set d [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
set factor($nick) [list [expr $a*$c] [expr $a*$d+$b*$c] [expr $b*$d]];
|
||
set a "[lindex $factor($nick) 0]x^2";
|
||
set b [lindex $factor($nick) 1];
|
||
if {$b > 0} {set b " + [expr $b]x"} elseif {$b eq 0} {set b ""} else {set b " - [expr abs($b)]x"};
|
||
set c [lindex $factor($nick) 2];
|
||
if {$c > 0} {set c " + $c" } elseif {$c eq 0} {set c ""} else {set c " - [expr abs($c)]"};
|
||
return "$nick: Your polynomial is $a$b$c";
|
||
};
|
||
if {[join $args] eq ""} {
|
||
set a "[lindex $factor($nick) 0]x^2";
|
||
set b [lindex $factor($nick) 1];
|
||
if {$b > 0} {set b " + [expr $b]x"} elseif {$b eq 0} {set b ""} else {set b " - [expr abs($b)]x"};
|
||
set c [lindex $factor($nick) 2];
|
||
if {$c > 0} {set c " + $c" } elseif {$c eq 0} {set c ""} else {set c " - [expr abs($c)]"};
|
||
return "$nick: Your polynomial is $a$b$c";
|
||
};
|
||
if {[lsearch [array names factor_stats] $nick] < 0} {
|
||
set factor_stats($nick) [list 0 0];
|
||
};
|
||
set p $factor($nick);
|
||
set str [join $args ""];
|
||
if {![regexp -- "-?\\d*\\(-?\\d*x\\+?-?\\d*\\)\\*?\\(-?\\d*x\\+?-?\\d*\\)" $str]} {
|
||
return "wtf are you talking about";
|
||
};
|
||
set guess [split [regsub "(-?\\d*)\\((-?\\d*)x\\+?(-?\\d*)\\)\\*?\\((-?\\d*)x\\+?(-?\\d*)\\)" $str "\\1:\\2:\\3:\\4:\\5"] :];
|
||
set f [lindex $guess 0];
|
||
if {$f eq ""} {set f 1};
|
||
if {$f eq "-"} {set f -1};
|
||
set a [lindex $guess 1];
|
||
if {$a eq ""} {set a 1};
|
||
if {$a eq "-"} {set a -1};
|
||
set a [expr $f*$a];
|
||
set b [expr $f*[lindex $guess 2]];
|
||
set c [lindex $guess 3];
|
||
if {$c eq ""} {set c 1};
|
||
if {$c eq "-"} {set c -1};
|
||
set d [lindex $guess 4];
|
||
if {[expr $a*$c] eq [lindex $p 0] && [expr $a*$d+$b*$c] eq [lindex $p 1] && [expr $b*$d] eq [lindex $p 2]} {
|
||
set a 0;set b 0;set c 0;set d 0;
|
||
while {!$a} {set a [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
while {!$b} {set b [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
while {!$c} {set c [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
while {!$d} {set d [expr int(12*rand())-6]};
|
||
set factor($nick) [list [expr $a*$c] [expr $a*$d+$b*$c] [expr $b*$d]];
|
||
set factor_stats($nick) [list [expr [lindex $factor_stats($nick) 0]+1] [expr [lindex $factor_stats($nick) 1]+1]];
|
||
return "Congratulations $nick, the solution was $str.";
|
||
} else {
|
||
set factor_stats($nick) [list [lindex $factor_stats($nick) 0] [expr [lindex $factor_stats($nick) 1]+1]];
|
||
set u "[expr $a*$c]x^2";
|
||
set v [expr $a*$d+$b*$c];
|
||
if {$v > 0} {set v " + [expr $v]x"} elseif {$v eq 0} {set v ""} else {set v " - [expr abs($v)]x"};
|
||
set w [expr $b*$d];
|
||
if {$w > 0} {set w " + $w" } elseif {$w eq 0} {set w ""} else {set w " - [expr abs($w)]"};
|
||
set a "[lindex $factor($nick) 0]x^2";
|
||
set b [lindex $factor($nick) 1];
|
||
if {$b > 0} {set b " + [expr $b]x"} elseif {$b eq 0} {set b ""} else {set b " - [expr abs($b)]x"};
|
||
set c [lindex $factor($nick) 2];
|
||
if {$c > 0} {set c " + $c" } elseif {$c eq 0} {set c ""} else {set c " - [expr abs($c)]"};
|
||
return "$nick: WRONG, FAGGOT.\n$nick: That expands to $u$v$w\n$nick: Your polynomial is $a$b$c";
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc rrhoid args {string map {r rrh R Rrh} [join $args]}
|
||
proc morebonghits? {} {wet YES}
|
||
proc join_subst {list seperator} {join [list [car $list] [join [map [cdr $list] {item {. [subst $seperator]$item}}] {}]] {}}
|
||
proc jobsfreedom {} {. [img-freedom 2] \n [aud-freedom]}
|
||
proc crwllary {} {. "HILLARY CLINTON LIKES ENGAGING IN [color red][string toupper [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc gay_count {} {llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::gay_count]]}
|
||
proc copyright {} {. "http://planetwebdesign.com/badge.gif \n[bold][color red]MEMBER OF THE\n[bold][color red]ALLIANCE for the PROTECTION of INTERNET COPYRIGHTS"}
|
||
proc pervertia {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]philia"}
|
||
proc myspace args { set url [eval "myspace_url $args"]; return "Is this your myspace: <a href=\"[nimpify $url]\">$url</a>"; }
|
||
proc goonchat {} {return " _ __ _ __
|
||
_,' / \\ aka two rocks talking _,' / \\
|
||
_^/ ^/ `--. _^/ ^/ `--.
|
||
/.' ^_ \\_ .'\\ /.' ^_ \\_ .'\\
|
||
;. _/ \\ -. `_/ \\ ;. _/ \\ -. `_/ \\
|
||
/ _ `--./ .-' `- / _ `--./ .-' `-
|
||
--' '-._ `._ ' '- '-.-'
|
||
"}
|
||
proc shaktigoonsay {} {ajoin "" [shaktimid] [goonsay "If you buy a kickass system, and shakti-stone the hell out of it, then you will get killer [shakti_word]. simple as that"]}
|
||
proc jewboy_activity {} {lindex_random $::jewboy_activity_dict}
|
||
proc actual_news_test args {foreach x [rss_parse_feed [wget https://news.google.co.uk/news?cf=all&hl=en&pz=1&ned=uk&output=rss]] {if [regexp {url=(.+)$} $x] {lappend ceaa6dc1 [last [regexp -inline {url=(.*)$} $x]]} {lappend ceaa6dc1 $x}};return $ceaa6dc1}
|
||
proc channell {} #jbs
|
||
proc %xmas {} {. $::xmass_2014}
|
||
proc troll_abez1 {{args {}}} {return "< incog> tcl expr ([rand 9] * 1024)"}
|
||
proc troll_abez2 {{args {}}} {return "< incog> tcl expr ([rand 9] * 10)"}
|
||
proc overlords {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> I for one welcome our new [overlord_word] overlords"}
|
||
proc llappend {mylist str} { set out [list]; foreach item $mylist {set out [lappend out $item$str]}; return $out }
|
||
proc voicemail {{name1 {}} {name2 {}}} {return [upper [name $name1], [name $name2], [shitty_company], [choose {following up on} {returning your call about} {wanted to chat about} {want to touch base on} {wanted to connect about}] [crw_word]. i'll be busy with [choose "a [regsub {(s|ing)\b} [crw_word] {}]ING" "a [regsub {(s|ing)\b} [furry_verb] {}]ING" "[ethnic_cleansing_verb]ing [ethnic_group]"] most of the day but call me back]}
|
||
proc puberror num {publish [. [subst [string repeat {[radiumerror]\n} [expr {int($num)}]]]]}
|
||
proc infowars {} { return $::infowars }
|
||
proc warhol_bt args {set text [bt [join $args]]; warholize $text}
|
||
proc btwe {} {subst [string map {* {[color white on white]*[color]}} [strip_color [ajoin " " [ajoin " " [ajoin " " [flip [vflip [bgt L]]] [bgt {('~`)}]] [vflip [bgt L]]] [bgt w/e]]]]}
|
||
proc troll_abez5 args {. < [?? [names]]> tcl wolfram [last [regexp -inline {\[expr (.*?)\]} [join [src [?? [fip expr]]]]]]}
|
||
proc proebaum {} { lindex_random $::proebaum }
|
||
proc %rope {} { . $::obamarope }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^!(.+?)$/} {match args} {ascii [last $match]}
|
||
proc succ x { + $x 1 }
|
||
proc prepend {str str2} {return "$str$str2"}
|
||
proc hexchimpout args aidsbee
|
||
proc ^ {{n 1} {who {}} {match {}}} {if {[string toupper $who] eq [string toupper [nick]]} {set n [expr $n+1]} {if {$match ne {} && $who eq {}} {set n [expr $n+1]}}; if {$who eq ""} {set lines [lgrep "***:(?i)$match" [log]]} {set lines [lgrep "***:(?i)$match" [log_for $who]]}; format_log_line [lindex $lines end-$n]}
|
||
proc 911spiracy {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] didn't happen\nit was just a conspiracy";}
|
||
proc blackjack_finish {} { set out {}; set score [blackjack_score_hand [blackjack_get_player dealer]]; foreach {p} [blackjack_players] { if {$p=="dealer"} { } else { set pscore [blackjack_score_hand [blackjack_get_player $p]]; if { $score < $pscore && $pscore <= 21 || $score > 21} { lappend out [blackjack_wins $p]; } else { lappend out [blackjack_loses $p]; }; }; }; blackjack_init; return [join $out " " ]; }
|
||
proc fatter {} {embed [embed [fart 20000503.html] [STgoon] 9 5] [flip [STgoon]] 30 6}
|
||
proc STshower {} { return $::showerstamp }
|
||
proc uname_base {} {return "Linux [regsub -all " " [hostname] "."] 2.[lindex_random {2 4 6}].[lindex_random [seq 0 45]]-[hyphenize [random_word]][lindex_random [seq 1 5]] #[lindex_random [seq 1 15]] SMP [random_date] [lindex_random $::MCPU_dict] [lindex_random {"AMD Athlon(tm) XP" "Intel(r) Pentium(r) 4 processor"}] [lindex_random [seq 1 5]].[lindex_random [seq 0 9]]0GHz GNU/Linux"}
|
||
proc zenwhen2 {} {return "< zenwhen> XM is for fags because no howard stern"}
|
||
proc sinewave_ block { join [map [seq 1 15] {{x} {set tmp [$block];. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * sin(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] $tmp }}] \n }
|
||
proc goatstairs {} {return " WEAR IT PROUD\n _.-\"\"\"\"-._\n .' `.\n _______/__ ____\\_______\n __=__|___ __| ___|_____\n ____|___ __| ___|____\n ___|____| ___|___\n \\ /\n `._ _.'\n `-....-'"}
|
||
proc testual {} {for {set j ""; set i 1} {$i < 5} {incr i} {append j "a"};return "$j"}
|
||
proc menu_food_item {} {regsub {^.+? } [menu_food_item_] "[rpick [names]]'s [rpick {{schlongue scone} {tainte} {smegmae} {gourmet hotdog} {jenk souffle} {jizz tartar}}] [rpick {{de} {de la} {du} {de}}] [rpick {{jisme} {shitte} {badtaste} {jewblood}}] "}
|
||
proc b args { bold $args }
|
||
proc c {str1 str2} {bgc [rrand_color] [rrand_color] $str1 $str2}
|
||
proc checkdick2 {} {return { _
|
||
/\)
|
||
.--------/ /-.
|
||
| _ / / |
|
||
|(/\ / / |
|
||
| \ \ / / |
|
||
| \ V / |
|
||
| \ / |
|
||
| V |
|
||
'------------'}}
|
||
proc color_of name {if {$name == 0} {set i 0} elseif {[regexp {^\d+$} $name]} {set i [string trimleft $name 0]} elseif {[set i [lsearch -glob $::color_names $name*]] == -1} {error "no such color \"$name\""}; format %02d $i}
|
||
proc stallman {} {gaybow "LONG LIVE COMRADE STALLMAN"}
|
||
proc mensa {} {fedoragoonsay "With an IQ of 166, and a 1580 SAT score (the older one, not the revised one), I found myself bored to death speaking with normal people about anything. Metaphysics, quantum mechanics and molecular diversity are things that really interest me, and your average person just cannot comprehend what these are, let alone the intricate scientific theories behind them."}
|
||
proc ircllog args {nlsplit [irclog $args]}
|
||
proc d name { set ::____arrays [remval $::____arrays $name]; return [a $name] }
|
||
proc president {} {. $::prez}
|
||
proc megatooley {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[tooley $who]\n[tooley $who]\n[tooley $who]\n[tooley $who]\n[tooley $who]"}
|
||
proc buttes_cat {} {lindex_random $::buttes_cat_dict}
|
||
proc image-ballmer url { magick-scale-composite-bottom-right $url http://i.imgur.com/MZHGc.png 0.6}
|
||
proc huggles name {set size [expr {[rand 20]+5}]; return "[string repeat "{" $size] [strip_color [lindex $name 0]] [string repeat "}" $size]"}
|
||
proc g args {set query [join $args]; set results [suggest $query]; if {$results eq {}} return; set length [expr [maxstringlength [lines $results]] - 1]; . [format "\[[^_] %-${length}s[^_]]" $query]\n[ajoin "" " " $results]}
|
||
proc swinglerangst {} {. "<swingler> I really thought [year] was going to be different, but I'm still knee deep in [string map {"his " "my "} [swingler_word]] and if I hear one more thing about [string map {"his " "my "} [swingler_word]] I am going to mow down everyone outside of [crappy_restaurant]"}
|
||
proc h {} {. h\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh\nh}
|
||
proc truestory {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who sucks\ntrue story"}
|
||
proc blakelog {} {select [log] {line {set nick [lindex $line 1]; expr {$nick eq "mixdup" || $nick eq "mixduptransistor" || $nick eq "joseph" || $nick eq "joseph_"}}}}
|
||
proc choose args {lindex_random $args}
|
||
proc sluts {} {return "rolloffle's mom"}
|
||
proc magick_glasses {source_url glasses_url {index {}} {glassesstart 0.75} {hwidthmod 0.9}} {
|
||
xset glasses_width glasses_height [get_image_size $glasses_url];
|
||
xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index];
|
||
set width [- $right $left]; set height [- $bottom $top];
|
||
set rhwidth [expr int($hwidthmod*$width)];
|
||
set rhheight [expr int($glasses_height * $rhwidth/ (1.0*$glasses_width))];
|
||
set rhy [expr int($top + (1.0 - $glassesstart)*$height )];
|
||
set rhx [expr int($left + $width/2 - $rhwidth/2)];
|
||
magick composite $source_url [magick_id [magick resize $glasses_url $rhwidth $rhheight]] $rhx $rhy
|
||
}
|
||
proc m {list block {sep {}}} { set result [list]; foreach [block args] $list {set values [list]; lappend values [set x]; lappend result [apply yield $values]; }; join $result $sep }
|
||
proc hellojpg {} {. http://goatse.fr/hello.jpg}
|
||
proc rand_talking_name {} {set res 0; while {$res == 0} {set who [name]; set res [string match -nocase [lindex_random [list_keys $::talking_patterns]] $who]}; . $who}
|
||
proc n str { split [. $str] \n] }
|
||
proc historical_quote {} {return "\"[niggerphrase]! [niggerphrase]\"\n - [political_figure] on [historical_event]"}
|
||
proc greenspun {} {stampsay "Any sufficiently complicated IRC channel contains an ad-hoc, informally specified, bug-ridden, slow implementation of half of MS Comic Chat."}
|
||
proc ^B_ {} {return [^B][^_]}
|
||
proc csamrap {} {csammize [stampsay -s realokey -l "always slangin / just can't stop [word ang$]in\nb nice / else i crank up the [word ice$]\nstill kappin / u kno i'm just [word (?:ap|app)$]in"]}
|
||
proc supertit {} {return [lol "Britain's new teen supertit queen shakes her sensational love sacks just for you!"]}
|
||
proc rotate90 strl {
|
||
rot:rotate90 [split $strl \n]
|
||
}
|
||
proc p str {set out ""; set size [2dsize $str]; foreach line [nlsplit $str] {append out [pad_line $line [second $size]]\n}; . $out }
|
||
proc q i {if {$i < 2} return; set h [expr {$i/2}]; concat [seq 1 $h] [seq [expr {$i%2? $h+1 : $h}] 1]}
|
||
proc ascii_height str {llength [split $str \n]}
|
||
proc wanted {{user {}} args} {return "Warning\: $user is wanted on $args charges.\n \$[rand 25],000 Reward"}
|
||
proc sudo args {. [name] is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.}
|
||
proc s args {string map [list w/e "s [join $args]"] [w/e]}
|
||
proc falafel {} {return "I think the PRESIDENT is the BOMB. SHOOT, sometimes, I think about [president] and wonder if he would like the ISLAMABAD deli on 14th st here in WASHINGTON, DC. I think the falafel is to DIE for. Or even to KILL for. It's so good it makes me wanna declare a falafel JIHAD on all the other INFIDEL falafel stands in the capital -- from those near THE WHITE HOUSE to those near CAPITAL HILL."}
|
||
proc ogkloeri args {?? [twits2 ogkloeri]}
|
||
proc gudrow_sentence {} {set ret ""; for {set i 0} {$i < [rand 15]+3} {incr i} {append ret "[gudrow_word][expr {[rand 7] ? "" : ","}] "}; set ret [string trimr $ret {, }]; return [string toupper [string index $ret 0]][string range $ret 1 end][expr {[rand 3] ? "." : "!"}]}
|
||
proc aimf_chirpz args {aimify chirpz $args}
|
||
proc u {} {. "\037"}
|
||
proc scienoword {} {lindex_random $::scieno_dict}
|
||
proc winkz_glossary {} {urban [?? [strip_all [winkz]]]}
|
||
proc niggamint {} {ask niggamint}
|
||
proc wikinfo {what args} { set ok [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/api.php?format=json&action=query&titles=[urlencode [args]]&prop=revisions&rvprop=content]; last [regexp -inline "$what = (.+?)\\\\n" $ok] }
|
||
proc w args {string map {{"} {"} {'} {'} {&} {&}} [fourth [regexp -inline -all {<plaintext>(.+?)</plaintext>} [w_ $args]]]}
|
||
proc skynet2 {} {. shithead: tcl}
|
||
proc hyphenword {} {return [hyphenize [random_twowords]]}
|
||
proc y args {if {$args eq ""} {set s y} {set s [join $args]};mega concat $s}
|
||
proc {unknown:9:cmd/^text:(.+?)$/} args {wet [last [first $args]]}
|
||
proc himoira {{who moira_}} {smega {strcat "<[name]> [greeting] $who, have a [drink]!"}}
|
||
proc albotprof {} {return "[al_man_word] [al_hat_word] n. see [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]"}
|
||
proc z args {apply cc $args}
|
||
proc oceanlanding {} {set plane [lines [upside_down [pad_lines [STcockjet]]]]; join [concat [lrange $plane 0 4] [map [lrange $plane 5 end] {line {. [color blue on white]$line}}]] "\n";}
|
||
proc crack {} {. Rob ford;}
|
||
proc randomRangeString {length {chars ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0123456789}} {set range [expr {[string length $chars]-1}]; set txt ""; for {set i 0} {$i < $length} {incr i} {set pos [expr {int(rand()*$range)}]; append txt [string range $chars $pos $pos]}; return $txt}
|
||
proc ~ {} {}
|
||
proc hectchart args {hepchart hector}
|
||
proc marine_comic_frame {} {let {art {box [embed [canvas 35 12] $art 2 [- 12 [llength [lines $art]]]]}} [ajoin " " [wrap "Private White [drill_line]" 20] \n\\ \n[STdrill]]}
|
||
proc catbusaddress {} {return "catbus@[string tolower [string map {" " "" "@" ""} [pedo_word]]][tld]"}
|
||
proc clickwasec {} { busy_wait 1; set t [busy_wait 1]; set e [clock clicks]; return [list [+ 1 $t] $e] }
|
||
proc jtwat name {set s "@[twatname $name] [string tolower [jerkcity]]"; if {[string length $s] >= 140} { jtwat $name } { heynot $s } }
|
||
proc irssi {} {join {A [A [[A [[[A {FUCK YOU IRSSI}} \n}
|
||
proc cleland {} { . <@max_cleland> i didnt even bend those pins }
|
||
proc niggerfulname {} {return "[niggername] [waspsurname]"}
|
||
proc hexagenda_ args {agenda__ hex 15}
|
||
proc a_sextoy {} {lindex_random $::sextoys}
|
||
proc burk {} {pink [ajoin " " [goonsay am i on ignore//?] [stampsay -st cock {hey, im not ignoring you pal. wanna go a round playin the snorkling game?}]]}
|
||
proc islam args {if {$args eq ""} {set args [islam_word]}; . [upper [kill_verb] those who [insult_verb] [upper [join $args]]]}
|
||
proc count_scheissegerns {} {return "[llength [lfilter *scheissegern* [string tolower [names]]]] ScheisseGerns"}
|
||
proc coolimage {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who: [gis [choose [strip_u [fetish_porn]] "[shakti_word] porn" "[singleethnic] porn" "[political_figure] nude"]]";}
|
||
proc david {} {return " /\\ \n\\/ \\/\n/\\ /\\\n \\/ "}
|
||
proc word_of_god args {set ret [list]; foreach z [n_arse 5 65503] {lappend ret [format %c [expr $z + 32]]};join $ret}
|
||
proc hseq {a b} { set out [list]; for { set i [hex2dec $a {} 4] } { $i < [hex2dec $b {} 4] } { incr i } { lappend out [dec2hex $i] }; . $out }
|
||
proc gaybuttshack {} {gayflagify [butteshack]}
|
||
proc bush {} {return "you mean hitler"}
|
||
proc catfight args {apply catbattle $args}
|
||
proc STbikefags {} { join $::bikefags \n }
|
||
proc center2 {lines {n 25}} {set lines [split $lines \n]; set ms [maxstringlength $lines]; each $lines {l {. [center $l [expr [uplevel {. $n}] + [uplevel {. $ms}]]]}}}
|
||
proc comic-pane-gen {img {border 10}} { return "
|
||
(let ((i (image \"[scheme_escape $img]\"))
|
||
(w (width i))
|
||
(h (height i))
|
||
(white (resize (image http://cryptosystem.org/images/sa/spacewhite.png) w h))
|
||
(black (resize (image http://churchturing.org/x/1blackpixel.png) (+ w (* 2 $border)) (+ h (* 2 $border)))))
|
||
(composite black (composite white i 0 0) $border $border))"}
|
||
proc ron_promote {} {return "By moving to the [periodic_metal] standard Ron Paul will promote [shakti_word], [hotbutton] and [capitalize [hate_crime]]."}
|
||
proc lmerge args {set max 0; foreach l $args {if {[set length [llength $l]] > $max} {set max [llength $l]}};set ret [list];for {set i 0} {$i < $max} {incr i} {foreach l $args {lappend ret [lindex $l $i]}};return $ret}
|
||
proc idistance {a b} {distance [string tolower $a] [string tolower $b]}
|
||
proc chinkqdb {} {chinkerize [lolqdb]}
|
||
proc cnbc {} {apply stock2 $::cnbc_symbols}
|
||
proc fix_html_entities str { return [unescape_entities [ungape_html $str]] }
|
||
proc magick-concat-gen {img1 img2} {return "
|
||
(let ((i1 (image $img1))
|
||
(i2 (image $img2))
|
||
(w1 (width i1))
|
||
(w2 (width i2))
|
||
(w (+ w1 (width i2)))
|
||
(h1 (height i1))
|
||
(h2 (height i2))
|
||
(h (if (> h1 h2) h1 h2))
|
||
(h1o (if (> h h1) (/ (- h h1) 2) 0))
|
||
(h2o (if (> h h2) (/ (- h h2) 2) 0))
|
||
(canvas (resize (image [magick_id http://churchturing.org/x/100x100white.png]) w h)))
|
||
(composite (composite canvas i1 0 h1o) i2 w1 h2o))"}
|
||
proc adjacent_join {list {with { }}} {set ret [list]; set i [llength [lindex $list 0]]; for {set j 0} {$j < $i} {incr j} {set k [list]; foreach x $list {lappend k [lindex $x $j]}; lappend ret [join $k $with]}; return $ret}
|
||
proc deathto {{who {}}} {return "\"[upper [kill_verb] [name $who] in the name of allah]\" \n -- [muslimtitle] [muslimname]"}
|
||
proc bury {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return [tooley [dis [slice3 [lump [fukup $who]]]]]}
|
||
proc prefixed_simple_acquaintance {} { lindex_random $::acquaintances }
|
||
proc backslash {} {return \\}
|
||
proc deca {cmd args} {smega "$cmd $args"}
|
||
proc aimbeastmovie args {aim -n [aimname $args] hey why did you send me this [beastmovie]}
|
||
proc pebkac_meltdown {} { join [ mega choose OLIVE??? BLACK!!! OLIVE? BLACK! BLACK? OLIVE!! ] }
|
||
proc img-heh {} {. [crash]}
|
||
proc forecast args {
|
||
global forecast_locs
|
||
set loc [join $args _]
|
||
set i [lsearch -regexp $forecast_locs $loc]
|
||
if {$i < 0} {
|
||
return "Location not found. ($loc)"
|
||
} else {
|
||
set forecast [split [wget "http://weather.noaa.gov/pub/data/forecasts/city/[lindex $forecast_locs $i]"] \n]
|
||
}
|
||
set ret ""
|
||
foreach l $forecast {
|
||
switch -regexp $l {
|
||
"^City Forecast" {lappend ret $l}
|
||
"^\\." {lappend ret [regsub "^\\." $l "- "]}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
join $ret \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc yiff_csam args {. [csammize [engimize [dikkyize $args]]]}
|
||
proc undesirables {} {lindex_random $::undesirable_nouns}
|
||
proc nomg a { return [repeatblock " __ \n/..\\\n\\_O/" $a]; }
|
||
proc motheranimal {{arg {}}} { return "[name $arg]: your mother is a [animal]" }
|
||
proc you're args {return "no ur"}
|
||
proc whatbot2 {} {smega {subst "![choose wiki google] [*word]"}}
|
||
proc urmom {} {bgt moira sux}
|
||
proc usermenu {} {box [box " ~~ Restaurant Lè Butte ~~ \nEntrees:\n [menu_food_item]\n [menu_food_item]\n [menu_food_item]\n [menu_food_item]\nBeverages:\n [menu_drink]\n [menu_drink]\n [menu_drink]"]}
|
||
proc mccain_flag {} { string map {MILLS\ \ GOOKS!\ MILLS GOOKS TWO\ AMERICAS *MY\ FRIENDS*} [edwards_flag] }
|
||
proc disgustsam {{who sam}} {. $who: [img-disgustsam]}
|
||
proc leessaltedbroth {} {gayflagify [. "[upside_down [pad_lines [catbus_g]]]\n[ncockrow 8]\n SALTED BROTH"]}
|
||
proc celeb_drudge {} {newdrudge On [day] [daypart], I will kill myself with [suicide], I have nothing else to live for, [choose "[celebrity]" "[political_figure]"] has betrayed me, [lastwords]}
|
||
proc kikes? {} {c [jew_count] kikes}
|
||
proc dennisgames {} {buttemnd [upper > is this a game, or is it real] [img-dennis 1] http://www.moviesoundscentral.com/sounds/playgames.wav}
|
||
proc rand_fullwidth {} {unichar_dec [expr [rand 96] + 65281]}
|
||
proc aimslice args {set name [aimname $args]; aim -n $name [slice $name]}
|
||
proc butt {{what {tcl butt}}} {join [mapx [lines $what] line {. !butt $line}] \n}
|
||
proc damnohdamn {} {. DAMNN OHH DAMNNNNN}
|
||
proc deck {} { knuth_shuffle_permute 51 }
|
||
proc strchomp str {join [chomp [nlsplit $str]] \n}
|
||
proc reversenwo args {return "9/11 WAS AN OUTSIDE JOB\nWTC DID JEWS\nTHERE'S A MIND ON FOR YOUR WAR"}
|
||
proc LK-fav {} { lindex_random $::LK_fav }
|
||
proc openbsd {} {return "Software which OpenBSD uses and redistributes must be free to all (be they people or companies), for any purpose they wish to use it, including modification, use, peeing on, or even integration into baby mulching machines or atomic bombs to be dropped on Australia."}
|
||
proc args_lmiot2 args {subst -nobackslashes [string map {{BUTTES CHAT} {[string toupper [subst $args]]}} [butteschat]]}
|
||
proc repeatblock {block {count {}}} {if {$count eq ""} {set count [expr [rand 8]+2]}; set n "";set o ""; set lines [split $block "\n"]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $lines]} {incr i} {append o "$n[string repeat [lindex $lines $i] $count]"; set n "\n"; }; return $o;}
|
||
proc drugz {} {return " Through my use of drugs and hard times in the past my fear of death has completely gone away, and so has the opinion that death is a bad thing. It is merely a gateway to another conciousness, perhaps another universe. Therefore I send my wishes that Troy is now learning the secrets of life, death, and beyond, whereever he may be. He will be missed, but we will all see him again."}
|
||
proc fancyseinair {} {return "[seinfeld_word]? Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say [strip_u [fetish_porn]], am I correct in this assertion?"}
|
||
proc noob {{user {}} args} {return "I bet computer noobs like $user have never even seen $args"}
|
||
proc decr n { expr $n - 1 }
|
||
proc natty {} {. "NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'"}
|
||
proc -agenda_brokenpieceofshit {who args} { set idx [lsearch $::agenda($who) $args]; set ::agenda($who) [lreplace $::agenda($who) $idx $idx] }
|
||
proc vaflip thing {. $thing\n[vflip $thing]}
|
||
proc ripper {} { return [rippergoon]; }
|
||
proc mroachpolicy {} {. "<mroach> if I were dictator of [capitalize [?? $::socialist_country]] I'd never allow [?? $::socialist_word]"}
|
||
proc chess:sameSide {a b} {regexp {[a-z][a-z]|[A-Z][A-Z]} $a$b]}
|
||
proc engimize_proc {} {[strip_spaces [engimize [lselect_random [seq a z] 1]]]}
|
||
proc CanadianSlots {} {return "[canadian_object], [canadian_object], [canadian_object], [canadian_object]"}
|
||
proc squared {{symbol o} {begin {}} {middle { }} {min 0} {max 8}} { set retval ""; for {set i $min} {$i < $max} {incr i} { set retval ${retval}${begin}; for {set j 0} {$j < [expr pow($i, 2)]} {incr j} { set retval ${retval}${middle}; }; set retval ${retval}${symbol}\n; }; return $retval}
|
||
proc ounch nick {tooley $nick}
|
||
proc zedshaw crap {return "New from Zed Shaw: Learn $crap the [upper [badjectives]] way!"}
|
||
proc polish_food {} {choose "kotlet schabowy" "kasza gryczana ze skwarkami" "golonka" "gulasz" "nalesniki" "kaszanka" "makowiec" "krowki" "pqczek" "cepeliny" "okon smazony, w zalewie octowej" "flaczki z pulpetami" "kawior po zydowsku" "zupa grzybowa po kurpiowsku (z gqsek)"}
|
||
proc repeatedly {func arg n} {set ret [list]; foreach _ [.. 1 $n] {lappend ret "\[ $func";}; lappend ret "$arg [string repeat {]} $n]"; eval [join $ret] }
|
||
proc mirror_both url {. "[mirror_left $url]\n[mirror_right $url]"}
|
||
proc STcondom {} {return " _\n _| |_\n /~ ~\\\n /' `\\\n ( )\n | (o ) (o ) |\n | |\n | ~~~ |\n(~\\_ _/~)\n`\\_ ~~-------~~ _/'\n ~~---------~~"}
|
||
proc autoconf {} {set word [random_twowords]; set directory [random_twowords]; set ver_maj [rand 3]; if [rand 2] {set result "/usr/lib/[hyphenize $directory]-$ver_maj.[rand 10]/lib[hyphenize $word].so"; if [rand 2] {append result ".$ver_maj";}} {set result no}; return "checking for [string tolower $word]... $result"}
|
||
proc buttybutt args {string map {buds butts} [join $args]}
|
||
proc rss_parse_item item_body {set title [lindex [regexp -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} $item_body] 1]; set link [lindex [regexp -inline {<link>(.*?)</link>} $item_body] 1]; return [list $link [html $title]]}
|
||
proc rshxdfails {} {return "tru"}
|
||
proc boners? {} {eval [concat c [count_boners]]}
|
||
proc myfm {} {urfm [nick]}
|
||
proc mydistance airport {urdistance [nick] $airport}
|
||
proc vigilance args {foreach n [names] {if [regexp {^no record} [seen2 $n]] { lappend returnokfucku $n} {}};return "possible imperialist spies: $returnokfucku"}
|
||
proc preview_url url {fix_html_entities [http://irc.gangnet.org/preview.php?url=$url]}
|
||
proc noop {} {goonsay "ALLAH ACKBAR, PANCIA!"}
|
||
proc get_fart {{fart random.cgi}} {if {$fart eq "random.cgi"} {set cache ""} {set cache "~"}; if [string is digit $fart] { set fart [asciiartfart:id $fart];};html [b][join [lrange [regexp -inline -all {</a>: (.*?)</h1>.*<pre>(.*?)</pre>} [${cache}http://www.asciiartfarts.com/$fart]] 1 2] \n]}
|
||
proc butteshack:randsym {} {lindex_random [butteshack:allsyms]}
|
||
proc colleges {} { return $::collegeaim }
|
||
proc perlop_map {} {?? {+ - * / % . << >> & | ^}}
|
||
proc a43 {} {talking a43}
|
||
proc jakk args {jakksay Rawr $args. Watch me jakk 4 u.}
|
||
proc oxford args { html [string map {"</li>" "\n" "</span>" "" "</h3>" "\n"} [last [regexp -inline {class="pageTitle">(.+)</section>.+?<div class="etymology"} [wget_follow http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/search/english/?direct=1&multi=1&q=[urlescape $args]]]]] }
|
||
proc image-bus img { magick_overlay $img http://churchturing.org/x/desert_bus.png }
|
||
proc cwget {url args} {
|
||
if {$url eq "-nocache"} {
|
||
return [wget [lindex $args 0]]
|
||
} elseif {$url eq ""} {
|
||
set url [lindex $args 0]
|
||
}
|
||
ceval [list wget $url]
|
||
}
|
||
proc dictout {} {subst [lindex_random [uplevel {info vars *_dict}]]}
|
||
proc lsmodbody {} {format "%-24s %5d %d" [underscoreword] [rand 99999] [rand 9]}
|
||
proc toilet_boner {} { string map {{_ /} { /} { | /} {___/} { |/} {| /} { |'.} {|_o.} { `\ |} {8=========================@} {OH WOW} {} {LET ME IN} {} {ON THIS} {} {__ __} {__ } {/| |'-.} { } {|| | |} { } {\|_|_.-'} { } {=._) (_} { } {"""""""""|} { } { |} { } {|.-------.|} { } {" "} { } } [lmiot {}]] }
|
||
proc overheard_in_als_head {} {return "..."}
|
||
proc dicktopwise n {return "[string repeat "\n" [expr 5 - $n]][ncock $n]"}
|
||
proc urlsay {url args} {set ws " "; foreach l [split [wrap [join $args] 45] "\n"] {lappend ls " $l"}; . "[join $ls "\n"]\n$ws /\n$url"}
|
||
proc samesnake {} {return { ___ __ _ / ___
|
||
/ __|/ _` |_____ / / - -
|
||
\__ \ (_| |_____| \ C >
|
||
|___/\__,_| _)' _( .' ,
|
||
_ __ ___ ___ __/ |_/ " *. __
|
||
| '_ ` _ \ / _ \ /` \_\ \/ % <_~\ __
|
||
| | | | | | __/ / ) \/| _/ \ \_/ \/|
|
||
|_| |_| |_|\___| /' /- o/ ' \___/\_/ }}
|
||
proc deez {} { . nuts }
|
||
proc snakejoin args {ajoin " " [join $args] [join [map [split [samesnake] \n] {x {string range $x 18 end}}] \n]}
|
||
proc list_of_twats args {set ret [list]; foreach x [names] {if {$x eq {[]J}} {} {lappend ret [lgrep [join "tcl { } $x agenda" ""] [log]]}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc bj_scores {} { set out {}; foreach {p} [array names ::blackjack_score] { lappend out "$p \$[blackjack_get_score $p]"; }; return [join $out " , "]; }
|
||
proc ddos {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<[nick]> [unix] [ip]\n<[nick]> $who: do u understand that ?:D thats a command for ddos ;)";}
|
||
proc prism {} {rainbow [wget http://pastebin.com/download.php?i=VkT4BLcm]]}
|
||
proc pee_into {{who {}}} {return " ( ( .--.\n \\ \\/ . I LIKE TO PEE\n /\\ \\ : __ INTO [string toupper [name $who]]'S MOUTH\n / / /_ : /..\\\n (_(___\\ \\O_/ \002by [nick]\002"}
|
||
proc btypeformattedfull {typ {latest {}}} {set des [bristollookup $typ]; set gfx [bristolgraphical $typ];lappend ret "It was a type $typ - $des - ";if {$latest ne ""} {lappend ret "\[•\] "}; lappend ret "$gfx"; join $ret}
|
||
proc cheese {} {lindex_random $::cheeses}
|
||
proc ignorance {} {return {GIN OCEAN}}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^wheres(\w+)$/} {matches cmd} {image-[last $matches]head [img-ballsmore]}
|
||
proc HCOLOR a {COLOR $a $a}
|
||
proc busy_wait {{sec 1}} {set doc "waits til the next second"; set start [clock seconds]; while {[expr [clock seconds] - $start] < $sec} { }; return $start}
|
||
proc photoshop_pirate {} { return "ATTN We have detected your are running an illegal copy of Adobe Photoshop (TM). [rand 1000] Visit http://adobe.apologies.on.nimp.org/?u=adobe&id=[rand 1000]" }
|
||
proc pewpew {{who {}}} {return " ___[color red]|[color]_[color blue]|[color]_ __\n / __[color red]|[color]_[color blue]|[color]_\" [color green]8==[color]/..\\[color green]===D[color] PEW PEW U DEAD, [string toupper [join [name $who]]]\n/ (( [color red]|[color] [color blue]|[color] \\_O/\n`-'"}
|
||
proc deterministic_behaviour {} {bt unfunny}
|
||
proc rand_char {} {format %c [expr {int(rand()*93+33)}]}
|
||
proc ikea {} {stampsay -s vikingboat "The new [string toupper [swede_word]] [choose "computer desk" table chair lamp bedframe "shelf system" pillow]; only at IKEA"}
|
||
proc aimf_lump args {aimify lump $args}
|
||
proc crw_verb {} {lindex_random $::crw_verb}
|
||
proc downs? {{who {}}} {. [name $who] [choose "has" "does not have"] downs}
|
||
proc stereo_type {} {choose Marantz Kenwood Pioneer Yamaha Bose}
|
||
proc stash args {if {[llength $args] == 0} {cache get stash value} elseif {[llength $args] == 1} {cache put stash value [lindex $args 0];.}}
|
||
proc %caco {} {. $::caco}
|
||
proc unescape str {string map {\\\\ \\ \\[ [ \\$ $} $str}
|
||
proc swedefullname {} {return "[swede_first_name] [swede_last_name]"}
|
||
proc frottage {} {ajoin " " [rain [crw_word]\n[crw_word]\n[crw_word]\n[crw_word]\n[crw_word]] [biggaytext 8=======>] [flip [biggaytext 8======>]]}
|
||
proc aimfart {{name {}}} {aim -n [aimname $name] [strings [fart]]}
|
||
proc stars {num {div 5}} {. [color orange][b][join [times $num ✮] {}][^O][b][join [times [expr $div - [min $num $div]] ✩] {}][^O]}
|
||
proc smoek args {upper [color green on black][bold]_\\|/_ don't smoek [or [join $args] weed] every day _\\|/_[bold][color]}
|
||
proc furries {} {return "Pi"}
|
||
proc state {} {lindex_random $::state}
|
||
proc ohai {} {gudrize [unicode_abuse [tera rain]]}
|
||
proc magick-scale-composite-top-left {url1 url2 {scale 0.5}} { magick_scheme [scale-and-composite-gen $url1 $url2 $scale T L] }
|
||
proc hiimcatbus {{name Catbus}} {return "<@$name> hi i'm catbus\n<@$name> i can't even run a fucken irc bot correctly\n<@$name> or a goddamn irc server\n<@$name> i can't even fucken suck a dick correctly"}
|
||
proc bignugtext {{str {}}} {if {$str eq ""} {set str [random_word]}; return [bgr 03 $str]}
|
||
proc eat_semen {{fags {}}} {error "maximum execution time of [regsub -all {per iteration} [time bgt 3000] {}]"}
|
||
proc evens list {every_n_from 2 0 $list}
|
||
proc test_3 {} { catch { onehug } v; return $v }
|
||
proc boxc4r {} saq2
|
||
proc count_a*e* {} { return "[llength [lfilter a*e* [string tolower [names]]]] a*e*"}
|
||
proc uname-weasel {} {set uname [uname]; return "[lrange $uname 0 2]-[rainbow weasel] [lrange $uname 3 end]"}
|
||
proc buttesalarm args {sadunsay [color black on red]BUTTES[color white on blue]ALARM[color]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/time\?$/} args {wet yes}
|
||
proc renzo {{who {}}} {goonsay "CHAT HARD CHAT HARD HEY [upper [name $who]] CAN YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME PLEASE PLEASE???? CHAT HARD CHAT HARD"}
|
||
proc megahello {} {subst [join [string repeat {[hello] } 5] \n]}
|
||
proc svsnick {a b} { if {[lsearch -exact $::botnames $a] == -1} { return "[nick]: $a is spelled [join [split $b {}] -]"; }; }
|
||
proc format_log_line line {. <[lindex $line 1]> [lindex $line 3]}
|
||
proc 0x90 {} {}
|
||
proc deg2rad degrees {expr $degrees * (3.1415926535 / 180)}
|
||
proc title_each args {join [map [join $args [split $args { }]] {word {string totitle $word}}] { }}
|
||
proc title {} {return [lindex_random $::titles]}
|
||
proc opersay args {set str [chinkerize [strip_all $args]]; set k [strtop [ascii kloeri] 30]; set s [wrap 45 [flatten "<@kloeri> $str"]]; embed [embed [string repeat [cblock 00 50] [+ 32 [nlines $s]]] $k 1 1] [join [llprepend [nlsplit $s] [^C]01,00] \n] 3 32 }
|
||
proc Rome Rome {return $tcl_Rome_Rome; return $tcl_Rome_Rome; return [tcl_Rome_Rome]}
|
||
proc ripple {str {amp 2} {b 0.5}} { thingie "mathseq 10 1 0.2 {round($amp*sin($b*\$x))+$amp}" $str }
|
||
proc cosinewave word { join [map [seq 1 15] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * cos(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] $word }}] \n }
|
||
proc butanlist {{index 0} args} {lindex [apply flickrphoto_list [list 29824906@N03 $args]] $index}
|
||
proc stats {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "\002\x1f$who's stats\x1f\002\nSkin tone: \002[expr [rand 100] + 50]% black\002\nVocabulary: \002[rand 200] words\002\nInventory: [expr [rand 10] + 2] [choose "[condition] " ""][blackitem]s, [expr [rand 3] + 2] [choose "[condition] " ""][blackitem]s, 1 [choose "[condition] " ""][blackitem][choose ", 1 [blackitem]" ""]"}
|
||
proc randacro_lolqdb {} {randacro [regsub -all {[^A-Za-z]} [lindex_random [split [fakeqdb] " "]] {}]}
|
||
proc kalledisease {} {return "<@Kalle> I kicked myself in the [sexpart] and it won't stop bleeding, so now I am afraid I have [disease]"}
|
||
proc get_vimeo_log {{n 100}} { set out [list]; map [pop [top [lreverse [log]] $n]] {x {lappend out [vurl2id [last $x]]}}; lreverse [flatten $out] }
|
||
proc bogus {} {return "this shit is bogus, [nick]"}
|
||
proc cuckstation {} { ajoin " " [buttesfort:fort] "COCKES SPACESTATION LEVEL [+ 1 [rand 9]]\n-----------------------\n\n[buttesroomlist]" }
|
||
proc martialartist {} { . "[choose "[country_name] Jew-Jitsu specialist" "Varsity [crw_word] gold medalist" "All-American [sexpart] Wrestling champion" "[choose [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]] Karate black belt" "[dndcreature] Kung Fu master" "Golden Gloves [faglame] Boxer"]"}
|
||
proc kalle {{a a}} {format "Is $a stupid or just asking too many questions? %.1f%% lines contained a question!" [expr {(1<<9)-92}]}
|
||
proc cakefart {} {cakesay [cakefart_quote]}
|
||
proc erlang {} {string map {\t { }} "erl> language:go().\n** exited: {badlang,\[{you,\n\t\t\tfucking,\n\t\t\tnerdlinger,\n\t\t\t\t\[\"lol\"\]}\]} **"}
|
||
proc image-hodapp-washer url {magick_overlay $url http://churchturing.org/x/hodappwasher.png}
|
||
proc braille url {http://irc.gangnet.org/braille.php?url=[urlencode $url]}
|
||
proc atagged? {url tag} {
|
||
set url [anormalize_tag_url $url]
|
||
set tag [anormalize_tag_name $tag]
|
||
if ![info exists ::audio_tagged($tag)] {
|
||
return 0
|
||
} else {
|
||
expr {[lsearch -exact $::audio_tagged($tag) $url] != -1}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc moredrinks? {} { wet [ choose yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes {of course} {seek help}] }
|
||
proc levelup {{who {}}} {. " [b]CONGRATURATION[b]\n[center [string toupper $who] 18]\nYOU HAVE BRAVE MANY TCL\n AND FOUGHT WELL\n LEVEL UP [uchar ff01 ff01]"}
|
||
proc keycap {} {uchar [choose 2318 2325 2303 21e7 238b 232b 23cf]}
|
||
proc disability {} { subst [lindex_random $::disability]}
|
||
proc smdamid {} {pyramid smd\ }
|
||
proc randredditnsfw {} {randreddit nsfw}
|
||
proc randmacro {} {macro [?? [macros]]}
|
||
proc javafox {} {return "\011Did somebody really just post the GNU General Public License in this thread?\n\011Like, honestly? With a straight face?"}
|
||
proc STfullcsammis {} {embed [ajoin "" " " [STcsammis]]\n[tail 8 [STfullgoon]] Shaim 11 5}
|
||
proc doakes {} {string map {"( " su " )" fucka "(" su ")" fucka} [lisp supprize mothafucka]}
|
||
proc zing who {set who [subst ${who}]; . "[rbt DRUMROLL]\n [hacker [. ${who} made a zinger]]"}
|
||
proc noun letter {rpick $::nouns($letter)}
|
||
proc blogentry:words1 {} { lindex_random $::blogentrywords1 }
|
||
proc wget_follow url { set uri $url; for {set x 0} {$x < 5} {incr x} {set resp [http get $uri]; if {![string match {30[1237]} [first $resp]]} {return [last $resp]}; set uri [urlify [lindex $resp 1 [+ 1 [lsearch -regexp [lindex $resp 1] "(?i)location"]]] $uri];} }
|
||
proc ascii name {set result [http get "http://wepump.in/ascii/$name.txt"]; if {[lindex $result 0] == "200"} {. [last $result]} {. "not found"}}
|
||
proc blogentry:words2 {} { lindex_random $::blogentrywords2 }
|
||
proc recession {} {. A recession is a specific thing: two consecutive quarters of decline in a country's gross domestic product.}
|
||
proc STpumpkin {} { return " ___/(__ \n / Q\\ /Q \\ \n | __'`_ | \n | </\\/\\/> | \n \\___.___/ ";}
|
||
proc STomgComp2 {} {. " __ ___ \n /..\\ /| |'-. \n .\\_O/ || | | \n / \`._ \\|_|_.-' \n/ \\__.\`=._)(_ "}
|
||
proc 90sreference {} {lindex_random $::ninties}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^@(w+)(?:#(d+))?/ {matches args} {twits [lindex $matches 1] [lindex $matches 2]}
|
||
proc mockabez {{n 0}} {caption [img-abez 2] [^ $n abez]}
|
||
proc oldtest_insult {} { subst [lrand $::oldtest_insult] }
|
||
proc mp3_temp {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; set len_min [expr {[rand 16]+1}]; set len_sec [rand 60]; set pos_min [rand $len_min]; set pos_sec [rand 60]; set pos ${pos_min}:[format %02s $pos_sec]; set len ${len_min}:[format %02s $len_sec]; return "\[winamp\] Now Playing: [capitalize $who] - [capitalize [strip_u [fetish_porn]][maybe_in_the_usa] .::$pos/$len, [lindex_random {64 96 128 160 192 256 384}]kbps mp3::.}
|
||
proc cialis str {subst [regsub -nocase -all {[IL]} [escape [string toupper $str]] {[lindex_random {i l 1 I}]}]}
|
||
proc fathead n { return [ ajoin "" "\n(\n(" "[string repeat "_" $n]\n\n[string repeat "_" $n]" "_\n.\n_" "[string repeat "_" [expr "$n/5"]]\n\n[string repeat "_" [expr "$n/5"]]" "_\n\nO" "[string repeat "_" [expr "$n/10"]]\n\n[string repeat "_" [expr "$n/10"]]" "_\n.)\n_)"]; }
|
||
proc STshoe1 {} {join {{ _ _ } {(_\__/(,_ } {| \ `_////-._ } {J_/___"=> __/`\ } {|=====;__/___./ } {'-'-'-"""""""` }} \n}
|
||
proc addspaces {x y} { set a " "; set lines [split $y "\n"]; set n [llength $lines]; set d [expr "$x - $n"]; set m [maxstringlength $lines]; set e [string repeat $a $m]; set nlines [padlinesto $m $lines]; set y [join $nlines "\n"]; for {set i 0} {$i < $d} {incr i} { set y "$y\n$e"; }; return $y; }
|
||
proc STshoe2 {} { join { { ,___ } { ) `\ } { ( _ '-._ } { )_( \____)} } \n }
|
||
proc blakemug {} {. "http://i.conio.net/blake.jpg"}
|
||
proc bxbt args {text xmasbowchar [join $args]}
|
||
proc cock {} {ncock 1}
|
||
proc colloquy args { chargen }
|
||
proc recurse {{recurse recurse}} recurse
|
||
proc ravvsweev {} {. "<@vorstyles> weev says you're a fed\n<@Rav^> i believe weev"}
|
||
proc pandemic {} {return "WHO alert system\n[who_levels]\n[who_level]"}
|
||
proc laser2 {} {return " ___________\n~Y/ =====-__|~ - - = [rainbow 8=======D]\n / |L)~~~\n |_| nigga where my bazooka be at"}
|
||
proc STshoe3 {} {join {{ ____ } { ) =\ } { / =\ } { \ `-._ } { )__(`\____)}} \n }
|
||
proc escape str {string map {\\ \\\\ [ \\[ $ \\$} $str}
|
||
proc STshoe4 {} {join {{ ___ } { /`"""`8-.__ } { \ ._ )} { """" """"""}} \n }
|
||
proc hydraquit {} {. Want to be different? Try HydraIRC -> http://www.hydrairc.com }
|
||
proc STshoe5 {} {join {{ .---..__ , } {|'-._ ``'--/ `\._ } {/'-._`'--.._.' | '--._ } {| `''--...___/__....--`\ } {\ / } {|`'-----------..........-'| } {\_____.---.______________/ }} \n}
|
||
proc swingler_list_item {} {. "[todo_box] [?? $::swingler_list_action] [string map {his my} [swingler_word]]" }
|
||
proc abezlam {} {magick annotate e2c7b28ac 40 5 5 white [wrap [islam abez] 10]}
|
||
proc STshoe6 {} {join {{ ,---. } { / \ '. } {| '.--'\ } {\ \ '._ } {| |`'. \ '-. } {| | \ '-------\ } {)_( '._______/ }} \n}
|
||
proc STshoe7 {} {join {{ _ } { .'--'\ } { _.-` __/ } {(_____.'|_| }} \n}
|
||
proc lyrics:search args { join [uniq [odds [odds [regexp -inline -all {data-title="([\w ]+:[^"]+)"} [~http://lyrics.wikia.com/index.php?search=[& $args]&fulltext=Search]]]]] "\n" }
|
||
proc STtoroto {} { return $::totorostamp }
|
||
proc STshoe8 {} {join {{ ___ } {(|'. `\ } { | : | } { | ; | } { |.' |- } { /`-. '. } { \ :_ `'-. } { `"""` `-----' }} \n}
|
||
proc airbnb args {set data [lrange [regexp -inline {<title>(.+)\s+(?:Vacation|Holiday).*data-avg-price="(\d+)".+?data-currency-symbol-left="([^"]*)".+?data-currency-symbol-right="([^"]*)"} [wget_follow https://www.airbnb.com/s/[urlencode $args]?room_types%5B%5D=Private+room]] 1 end]; . [lindex $data 0] Average - [html [html [lindex $data 2]]][lindex $data 1][lindex $data 3]}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^&(.*)(#d+)/ {matches cmd args} {. sup}
|
||
proc craps {} { . "[uchar [lindex_random {2680 2681 2682 2683 2684 2685}]][uchar [lindex_random {2680 2681 2682 2683 2684 2685}]]" }
|
||
proc theshitedevil {} {. popeye is a faggot}
|
||
proc resist args {"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn7jpINpqbQ"}
|
||
proc aniloop l { concat $l -delay 0.25 [lreverse [lrange $l 0 end-1]] }
|
||
proc zalgochar {} { uchar [?? $::zalgo] }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^aud?[_-](.*)/} {matches cmd {index -1}} {. "♬♪♩" [lindex_random [lines [afetch [last $matches]]] $index] "♬♪♩"}
|
||
proc overheard_in_africa {} {set one [zulufullname]; set two [zulufullname]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [niggerize [overheardline]]\n$two: [niggerize [[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug mystic al_insult]]]\n$one: [niggerize [overheardline]]\n-- [african_capital]"}
|
||
proc hypnoticmeal {} {return [ajoin " " [hypnotic] \n\n\n\n/ [wrap [fatgoonmeal] 50]]}
|
||
proc boldupper str {regsub -all {([A-Z])} $str {\1}}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^rose:(.+?)$/} {match args} {set who [last $match]; embed [. $::delorean] [. [rose $who] ] 25 10}
|
||
proc rproc url { join [map [nlsplit [$url]] {x {set pname [second $x]; if {$pname != "" && [info proc $pname] != ""} {. [^C]04$pname: not installed because it exists} elseif {$pname != ""} {eval $x; . [^C]09$pname: installed } }}] \n }
|
||
proc aimmomma {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [yomomma]}
|
||
proc electionprank {} { . [siren] [b][subst [?? $::electionpranks]][b] [siren]}
|
||
proc jars {} {. [bold][color red]J.[color blue]A.[color yellow]R.[color green]S. [color fuchsia][underline /\\]}
|
||
proc lexicaltest args {foreach {a} [.. 0 10] { lappend localcockstest $a }; . $localcockstest}
|
||
proc broken_wrap {str {cols 72}} { set ret [list]; set line ""; foreach word [split $str] {if {[string length "$line"] && [string length "$line $word"] > $cols} {lappend ret $line; set line "$word"} {append line " $word"}}; if [string length "$line"] {lappend ret $line}; join $ret \n }
|
||
proc STturkey2 {} { return [colorize_stamp_pane yellow on black turkey]; }
|
||
proc compscipaper {} {tinyurl [latext [string map {\$ \\\$} [cspapermain]]]}
|
||
proc murrpurr {} {subst "[lindex_random {mu chi chu pu hu h {}}][string repeat r [expr int(rand()*5)+2]]"}
|
||
proc zirc {} {return [czirc]}
|
||
proc incog_bookmarks {} {giga {. [child_porn][string map {\" ""} [virusfile]]}}
|
||
proc crash {} {string repeat x 2147483644}
|
||
proc cumCUMcum2 {} {}
|
||
proc flic.kr url {lindex [regexp -inline {<link rev="canonical".*?href="(http://flic.kr/.*?)"} [$url]] 1}
|
||
proc sportsteam {} {return "The [city] [string totitle [choose [plural [marginalize]] [ethnic_group]]]"}
|
||
proc gaygay {} {return { -GAY!-######-######-##--##-PRIDE
|
||
-GAY!-##-----##--##-##--##-PRIDE
|
||
-GAY!-##-###-######--####--PRIDE
|
||
-GAY!-##--##-##--##---##---PRIDE
|
||
-GAY!-######-##--##---##---PRIDE
|
||
BUTTESNET GAY PRIDE NETWORK WIDE}}
|
||
proc ucun {{dong {}}} {string toupper "FUK UP [name $dong] U CUN"}
|
||
proc radeon2 {} {return "Not to sound like a giant racist here, but some of stormfront.org does bring up some interesting points, concerning the jewish population and the holocaust anyway. Where are the ashes? There has been no ashes or other remains of the cremated jews."}
|
||
proc andrzej_advice2 {} {. [andrzej_advice]\n \n15:09:59 <@andrzej> highlight of the day: my girlfriend letting me know she hasn't got her period yet during a lecture on premie babies}
|
||
proc radeon3 {} {return "<@radeon> yet since i was the one working on the machine, its my fault\n<@radeon> whatever i still broke it\n<@radeon> Insurance is paying for it"}
|
||
proc pad_line {str length} {set slen [string length $str]; if {$slen < $length} { return "$str[string repeat { } [- $length $slen]]" } { return $str } }
|
||
proc niggerfriend {} {lindex_random $::niggerfriend_dict}
|
||
proc apophis {} {return "Congratulations on being banned from wdma."}
|
||
proc radeon4 {} {return "<@radeon> So i cant exactly make my lips that tight\n<@radeon> i tried to play someones trumpet last night\n<@radeon> i couldnt do it\n<@radeon> I just lost my job =\\"}
|
||
proc cached_onehug {} { set out [lindex_random $::cached_onehug]; if {[rand 6] == 0} { catch { set out [onehug]; lappend ::cached_onehug $out} }; return $out }
|
||
proc radeon5 {} {return "<@radeon> ScheisseGern, you're gay too?"}
|
||
proc pissface {{who {}}} { return " \n\2I LIKE TO PISS ONTO [string toupper [name $who]]'S FACE\2\n\n[embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 30 10] [ncock 1] 1 5] [STwoman] 20 5] [flip [ystream 20 4]]" 6 2] [ystream 20 4] 16 2]"}
|
||
proc csi-comic-gen words { text-on-comic {{11 20} {190 92} {312 64} {53 350}} http://i.buttes.org/http://churchturing.org/x/csi-sunglasses-on-sunglasses.png $words}
|
||
proc radeon6 {} {return "<@radeon> guys which is better, redhat or mandrake?"}
|
||
proc radeon7 {} {return "<@radeon> I just got a call from my mom.\n<@radeon> she's getting a divorce, and dad says it's entirely my fault.\n<@radeon> i masturbate too much :( "}
|
||
proc radeon8 {} { return "<@radeon> hoyl shit guys i think i might be gay\n<@radeon> i walked in on my brother masturbating and got a huge fucking boner" }
|
||
proc dev2 {{who {}}} {return "[string toupper [name $who]]: GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE? I WAS ONE OF THE EARLIEST [string toupper [pedo_word]]S IN THE 1980S. I KNEW KEVIN MITNICK. PHONE PHREAKING IS AS SECONDARY TO ME AS [string toupper [crw_word]] WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. I'M GOING TO KEEP CALLING YOUR HOUSE, OVER AND OVER, AND THE PHONE COMPANY WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TRACE THE CALL. YOU'RE GOING DOWN." }
|
||
proc diary {{who {}}} {return "Dear diary, I was trying to make a point in [channel] but [name] kept calling [ethnic_group] sub-human. No one cared what I had to say. I think they're stupid. [name] is a [faglame]. So I left the house and tried to argue my point on the bus, but the guy next to me in the [job] uniform was in fact a PhD in [butte_word]s. What a terrible day. I smoked 2 bowls of [drug] I was so sad. -- [name $who]"}
|
||
proc weapon {} {lindex_random $::weapon_dict}
|
||
proc radeon9 {} {return "<@radeon> I found a new trumpet in the alley last night.\n<@radeon> still pretty shiny and not much corrosion.\n<@radeon> i played it for hours"}
|
||
proc pubkoran {} {publish [join $::koran "\n"]}
|
||
proc wikileaks_file {} { . [string map {\ -} [lower [spook]]]-[rand 1900 2008].zip}
|
||
proc mroach1 {} {return "<@mroach> i named my [lindex_random {t p z s k w}][expr 60+[rand 39]]0[lindex_random {i {}}] [jewfullname]"}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/hzu/ args {error "404" }
|
||
proc trip_balls {} {?? $::trippin_balls}
|
||
proc oasis_champagne_supernova {} {return "And I, I just want to be\n Darling, with you\n The Music is made that way\n My eyes arnt blue\n Theres nothing I can do"}
|
||
proc mroach2 {} {return "V creepy mroachism incoming V"}
|
||
proc mroach3 {} {return "just added another picture to my [lindex_random $::mroach_obsession] flickr set: [pix mroach]"}
|
||
proc someone {} {eval [lindex_random [lsubtract [info procs] [lsubtract [info procs] [string tolower [names]]]]]}
|
||
proc mroach4 {} {. <mroach> ELI COULD YOU GET ME [upper [mroach_item]]}
|
||
proc mroach5 {} {smega {join [smega {pick 50 {. "[bold]FONEZ "} 1 {. "[bold]SINGAPORE "}}]}}
|
||
proc lastlog who { set logline [last [log_for $who]]; expr {$logline ne "" ? "Since [fmtdur [meta uptime]],[([lsearch -exact [names] $who]<0?"4":"9")] $who was last seen [fmtdur [([clock seconds] - [first $logline])]] ago saying [last $logline]" : ""} }
|
||
proc mroach6 {} {. <mroach> i think there comes a time in every nerds life when they just let go of certain things that they used to find fun and realize they're just a waste of time\n<mroach> i actually just wrote to my car dealer asking about having the temperature knob replaced with a celsius one}
|
||
proc flickrgroup {} {subst "Hi, I'm an admin for a group called [random_word], and we'd love to have your photo added to the group."}
|
||
proc texture {} {lindex_random $::texture_dict }
|
||
proc mroach7 {} {. I really don't think it's unreasonalbe not to want to associate with people anymore based on who they vote for. Their vote affects your life.}
|
||
proc okey_specattack {} {lindex_random $::okey_specattack}
|
||
proc mroach8 {} {return "Just talked to some girl at AT&T that was so chill and backdated a 50 MB intl data plan for me. I love her and owe her a drink."}
|
||
proc riffic {} {. <riffic> where the hell is $::next_osx_ver, steve}
|
||
proc mroach9 args {. I'm a bit miffed that only iphones with softbank SIMs can use emoji in 2.2. Really lame and pointless restriction}
|
||
proc masturbationhacks {} {more {masturbationhacksdata}}
|
||
proc flood {cmd args} {smega [concat $cmd $args] 200}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)party$/} {matches args} {set what [last $matches]; eval "${what}back [?? $::porn_scenes_dict]"}
|
||
proc test69'' args {. $::askee2}
|
||
proc rolloffle {} {goonsay "<pynchon> i wouldnt have ever dated mexican bitches if it werent for max hardcore"}
|
||
proc loltip01 {} {return "[string toupper [celebrity]]: When buying a cup of [liquid], don't cuss out the [job] behind the counter. It'll be on [name]the[string map {" " ""} [singleethnic]][tld] within the hour."}
|
||
proc html html {strip_blank_lines [unescape_html_entities [strip_tags $html]]}
|
||
proc loltip02 {} {return "DON'T leave the city at night. There are [animalprefix][animal_word]s and [choose [golem] [elemental] [dndcreature] [dndname]]s roaming the countryside. Not to mention the [undesirables]. If you do go, bring a [singleethnic] guide with a [weapon]."}
|
||
proc CoryDoctorow {} {return "<[name]> [hotbutton]\n<CoryDoctorow> haha"}
|
||
proc happie {} {draw $::happy}
|
||
proc jakksmoke {} {embed [jakksay jakk smoked [jack_smoked]] [is_jakk_high] 20 6}
|
||
proc trickorgoon {} {return "[color orange on black]You knocked on the door and got some [choose "gummy crunch" "ramen" "GAME FUEL" "ranch dressing" "Fucking Delicious." "baconators" "bacon" "tacos" "Chipotle" "Big Macs" "footlong Subway" "mayo sandwiches" "Trader Joe's peanut butter cups" "bacon salt" "sugarbutter" "Arby's" "Krispy Kreme" "type-2 diabetes" "choco (that's what I call chocolate)" "Doritos" "twinkies"]"}
|
||
proc image-stunnashades {url {index 0}} { magick_glasses $url [img-stunnashadesoverlay] }
|
||
proc hel-loh {} {. Annyong.}
|
||
proc fakephone {} {. [expr [rand 8]+2][rand 2][expr [rand 8]+2]-[expr [rand 8]+2][rand 10][rand 10]-[rand 10][rand 10][rand 10][rand 10]}
|
||
proc MAGICMUSHROOM a { return [rainbow [repeatblock " _______ \n / O o \\ \n |___o__O_|\n |___| " $a]]}
|
||
proc bickering_nords {} {stampsay -s vikingboat [upper [norway [strip_newlines [cached_onehug]]]]}
|
||
proc truism {} {return "a nigger is a nigger is a nigger"}
|
||
proc heckle {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} {set name [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[negromg] Hey $name! You [gudrow_word] [gudrow_word]!"}
|
||
proc RAruler {{who {}}} {raruler $who}
|
||
proc queef {} {pink [fart]}
|
||
proc maximum l { last [lsort $l] }
|
||
proc octalc0de {} {ncock 0}
|
||
proc running.app word { magick composite http://magick.buttes.org/temp/061345024015730097e6fd6297108a74.png [magick_id [rendertext_raw "Running\n$word.app"]] 247 127 }
|
||
proc gen_palette str { set chars [uniq_chars $str]; set palette [list]; set forbid {\*+.\/\$^()\}\{|\]\[?.}; foreach letter [split [trim $chars] ""] {if {[string first $letter $forbid] > 0} {set letter [prepend "\\" $letter]}; lappend palette [list [. $letter] [gay]] }; . $palette }
|
||
proc buttes_dog {} {?? $::buttes_dog_dict}
|
||
proc krauts? {} {return "[llength [lfilter nec* [names]]] krauts too many"}
|
||
proc jacksonbrown {} {. <JacksonBrown> IM TAKIN YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME SNITCH HIGH EVERY DAY}
|
||
proc coin {{coin btc} {currency usd}} {set data [getcoindata:cryptocoincharts $coin $currency]; set btce [getcoindata:btce $coin $currency]; . [coinreturn:price $coin $currency $data]\n[coinreturn:extra $coin $currency $data]\n[coinreturn:btce $coin $currency $btce]\n}
|
||
proc chinksay args {stampsay -s chink [chinkerize [join $args]] }
|
||
proc {unknown:nick/mroach$/} args {error "rubbish"}
|
||
proc derp {} {. (ﾉ 。々°)ﾉ }
|
||
proc presfest args {. [uchar 2708] presfest[uchar 275a 275a]}
|
||
proc zalgo {} { join "" [mega zalgochar]}
|
||
proc reindeer {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: your mother is a reindeer"}
|
||
proc goodmeasures {} { lindex_random $::goodmeasures }
|
||
proc aimvlad args {aim -n [aimname $args] [vladfarted]}
|
||
proc politicalcartoon args { pick 3 politicalcartoon1 1 politicalcartoon2 1 politicalcartoon3 1 politicalcartoon4 }
|
||
proc nethack:blcorner {} { return \342\224\224 }
|
||
proc firsttheycamefor {{who {}}} {set fags [getnuniq 4 faglame]; return "[firsttheycame [lindex $fags 0] [lindex $fags 1] [lindex $fags 2]]Then they came for the [lindex $fags 3]s, but there was nobody left to speak for [name $who]"}
|
||
proc winkie1 {} { string map {TCL DONGS} [levelup Winkie] }
|
||
proc scheme_image_or_sexpr sexpr { if [regexp {^( |\n|\r)*\(} $sexpr] { return $sexpr } { return "(image \"[scheme_escape $sexpr]\")" } }
|
||
proc randbuttemnd {} {buttemnd [[choose ono fml odinala]] [cadr [randtag]] [lindex_random [lines [afetch [?? [atags]]]]]}
|
||
proc winkie2 {} {return "My name is Winkie, and [lindex_random {{I'm a drug addict.} {OMG KITTIEZ!}}]"}
|
||
proc coinreturn:btce {coin currency data} {if {$data == "null"} {text:red "no data available"} else {. [^U][^B]BTC-e >[^B][^U] Last: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data ticker last]][^C] [upper $currency] | High: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data ticker high]][^C] [upper $currency] | Low: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data ticker low]][^C] [upper $currency] | Mean: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data ticker avg]][^C] [upper $currency] | Volume: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data ticker vol]][^C] [upper $coin]}}
|
||
proc enigmos? {} {. "[count_nicks enigmo] ...but it's 1 too many"}
|
||
proc volcano {} {return {/W\V O L C A N O}}
|
||
proc startrekreview {} {fedoragoonsay [dork]}
|
||
proc retard {} {return "[mega pick 1 zenwhen 1 winks 1 gbser 1 blargh]"}
|
||
proc lilo2 {} {. "LI"}
|
||
proc headline {} {return "[string toupper [subst [join [lselect_random $::drudge_headlines 1]]]]\nBy [waspfirstname] [jewsurname], [source]"}
|
||
proc buttesrules {} {return "[omgsay "cease all variants upon dispatch*"]"}
|
||
proc cpan {} {string map {{ } {::}} "[perl_module] [perl_module] [perl_module] [ucwords [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc okwhat {} {rain [german [norway [goonsay [catsay [rocketcatsay [nigqdb]]]]]]}
|
||
proc cola {} {. pl coca}
|
||
proc _pooptypeadd {nick time type} { array set ::pooptype [list $nick$time $type] }
|
||
proc vogon {} {biggaytext "wow just wow"}
|
||
proc netsplit {server1 server2} {. -!- Netsplit $server1 <-> $server2}
|
||
proc aenima {} {string map {GOD DANG PRICKE PIKK MY MIN} [@pricke]}
|
||
proc blakepat {} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/photos-c.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v323/65/21/20500620/n20500620_32323458_935.jpg}
|
||
proc aimalgebra args {aim -n [aimname $args] [algebra]}
|
||
proc allhello {} {set ret [list]; foreach p [lsort [info procs hello*]] {lappend ret [join [split [regsub -all {<@?[^>]+> } [ strip_all [eval $p]] {}] \n]]}; join $ret}
|
||
proc btoke {} backuptoke
|
||
proc fartdown {{fart random.cgi}} {upside_down[if {$fart eq "random.cgi"} {set cache ""} {set cache "~"}; html [b][join [lrange [regexp -inline -all {</a>:(.*?)</h1>.*<pre>(.*?)</pre>} [${cache}http://www.asciiartfarts.com/$fart]] 1 2] \n]]}
|
||
proc image-rel-border {url {offset 10}} { image-rel-border_scheme $url $offset }
|
||
proc hello_crw {} {return "<@hello> sometimes [crw_word] is kinda cool"}
|
||
proc STrocketcat {} rocketcat
|
||
proc COLOR {a b} { return "$a,$b" }
|
||
proc buttesmember {{hitmanfails {}}} {set n [name $hitmanfails];return " .======.\n /((((((()\\\n ((/// \\)) I JUST GOT MY BUTTES MEMBERSHIP\n ((/` ())\n /` O O '\\ LET ME IN ON THIS\n \\_ _/\n \\ /?\\ / - [string toupper $n]\n \\ \\_//\n /`----'\\\n .-\"\"\"\`------'`\"\"-."}
|
||
proc abeznini {} {return [ rainbow [repeatblock "NINI \nNiNi \nGOON \nNIGHT\nGOONS" 10] ] }
|
||
proc omgtowers2 args {aflip [ajoin "" [rain [mega omgbeegeometry]] [wrap [join $args] 25] [rain [flip [mega omgbeedna]]] [flip [rain [mega omgbeegeometry]]]]}
|
||
proc mybuttesread {} {fuckingcolumns [linsert [ltop [shuffle [lgrep {jbs} $::buttesread]] 17] 0 {title author {recommended by}}]}
|
||
proc is_shuffle_fair {{shuf shuffle} {loops 10000} {n 4}} { array set cnt {}; set l [seq 1 $n]; for {set i 1} {$i <= $n} { incr i} { set cnt($i) 0; }; for {set i 0} {$i < $loops} {incr i} { set j 1; foreach x [$shuf $l] { set v $cnt($j); set cnt($j) [expr $v + $x]; incr j; }; set cnt($i) 0; }; set o [list]; for {set i 1} {$i <= $n} {incr i} { lappend o $cnt($i); }; array unset cnt; return $o; }
|
||
proc colinagenda:event {} { subst [lindex_random $::colinagenda]}
|
||
proc magick_rotate {img r} { magick_scheme (rotate [scheme_image_or_sexpr $img] $r ) }
|
||
proc bullmonkey {} {lindex_random $::bullmonkey_phrases}
|
||
proc sexoffendercard {{name {}} {email {}} {occupation {}} {eye {}} {hair {}} {location {}} {news {}}} {format [join $::sexoffendercard \n] [or $name [name]] [or $email [emailaddress]] [or $occupation [job_word]] [or $eye [eye_word]] [or $hair [hair_color_word]] [or $location [country]] [or $news [usenet]]}
|
||
proc my_brother gudroids {return $sensual_frottage; set dry_cleaning $my_mom; return $mspaint}
|
||
proc hannah_montana {} {. It's not that I have a FAVORITE rectal thermometer. I just think the Hannah Montana one is the most accurate.}
|
||
proc biggermatix {} literalka
|
||
proc bleep_word {} {lindex_random $::bleep_word}
|
||
proc morenaps? {} {. error: invalid command name \"morenaps?\" - did you mean \"morecoffee?\"\n[morecoffee?]}
|
||
proc moirabuffet {} {aflip [join [lrange [lines [flip [ajoin "" [string repeat \n 6][ncock 1] [STmoirahead]]]] 0 end-1] \n]}
|
||
proc rndtcl_string {} {return "\"[pick 1 gbs 1 winamp]\""}
|
||
proc novowels args {regsub -all -nocase {[aeiou]} [join $args] ""}
|
||
proc swingler_tag {} {set w [swingler_word]; subst "$w\n[mega pix_tag [string map {"the " "" "his " "" " " ,} $w]]"}
|
||
proc ricky_text {{who {}}} {subst [join {{[name $who]'Z D00M TooL [rand 128]-biTS versi0n} { } {\[ \] [randcap ping] FLuD} {\[ \] [randcap ping] of DooM} {\[ \] [randcap ping] of mODeRaTe RisK} {\[ \] [randcap ping] of [randcap [ricky_word]]} {\[ \] [randcap ping] of [randcap [ricky_word]]} {\[ \] [randcap ping] of [randcap [ricky_word]]} {\[ \] [randcap ping] of [randcap [ricky_word]]} {\[ \] [randcap exit]}} \n]}
|
||
proc STbat {} { strip_all [vflip [STowl]]; }
|
||
proc randomvoice {} { subst ".sayvoice [lindex_random $::voices]" }
|
||
proc puñtme {} {return "you mean puntme"}
|
||
proc myxb {} {gis scion xb}
|
||
proc mithpredicts {} { . mith predicts we have [cdown iphone5]}
|
||
proc puafeld {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [lindex_random [names]]}; set ret "<$fart> and what's the deal with "; append ret [pua_verb]; append ret " "; append ret [plural [pua_object]]; append ret "?"; return $ret}
|
||
proc legendtitle {} {lindex_random $::legendtitles}
|
||
proc STale {} { return " ,o888o, \n |=====|_ \n | ALE | ) \n | |/ \n I=o=o=I ";}
|
||
proc buttewheel {} {ajoin " " [ncock 3] [squared (_|_)]}
|
||
proc romney {} {. "rich guy lol"}
|
||
proc lastlink {} {last [lfilter *http://* [lastlog_text 200]]}
|
||
proc fuckofffag {} { return "gay" }
|
||
proc !! {} {eval [cdr [last [linit [lgrep {***:(?i)^tcl } [map [log] {{x} {last $x}}]]]]]}
|
||
proc phpgoon {{who {}} {php PHP}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> I saw a homeless guy on the street and i went up to him and yelled \"I'M LEARNING [string toupper $php]... YEEEAHH!\" while cocking both my finger guns at him and jerking my head back with a laugh. Damn it feels good to be alive."}
|
||
proc hodapp {} {return "Eliezer Ben-Hodapp [jewsurname]"}
|
||
proc STgeordigoon {} {return " __________\n (--\[=======\]\n (_______O__)"}
|
||
proc stdev l { expr sqrt([variance $l]) }
|
||
proc pua_verb2 {} {subst [?? $::pua_verb2]}
|
||
proc kickstart2dict proj {json2dict [lindex [split [string map {" \" & \&} [grep "window.current_project" [wget $proj]]] {=}] 1]}
|
||
proc devo {} {next_in_list {"Are we not men?" "We are DEVO"}}
|
||
proc dolphin {} {fart 9}
|
||
proc lmsrwia args {return " __\n __ /| |'-.\n /..\\ || | | OH WOW\n \\_-/ \\|_|_.-' [string toupper [join $args]]\n /`---`\\ _) (_\n { | | } |\"\"\"\"\"\"\"\"\"| LET ME STAY\n ' .-.-.' | | RIGHT WHERE I AM\n \"| | | | |\n | | | |.-------.|\n '`` ``' \" \""}
|
||
proc jazz {} {. [capitalize [shakti_adjective]] Jazz [fm_station_name] [fm_station_mhz]}
|
||
proc subversion {} {lmiot [bold]FUCKING SLOW COMMITS[bold]}
|
||
proc BIN2HEX text { binary scan $text H* result; return $result }
|
||
proc bzb2 {} {. 08:03:43 < bzb> i dont humans}
|
||
proc reality {} {return "HARK HARK! POOPY MARK! \nWIGGER KING OF THE TRAILER PARK!"}
|
||
proc omgchair {} { join $::rightomgchair \n }
|
||
proc mywu {{who {[nick]}}} {wu $::wu([name [subst $who]])}
|
||
proc warhol_butt {} {ajoin "[bold]" "[warhol_colorize_2 [rand_butt]]\n[warhol_colorize_2 [rand_butt]]" "[warhol_colorize_2 [rand_butt]]\n[warhol_colorize_2 [rand_butt]]"}
|
||
proc adventures_of_moira_ {{n {}}} {if {$n eq ""} {?? [adventures_of_moira_comics]} {lindex [adventures_of_moira_comics] [+ $n 1]}}
|
||
proc gudramid {} {pyramid "[gudrow_word] "}
|
||
proc !, {listname string} {
|
||
;# remove string with value $string from list named $listname
|
||
set mylist [set ::$listname]
|
||
set index [lsearch -exact $mylist $string]
|
||
if { $index != -1 } {
|
||
lremove ::$listname $index
|
||
return "Removed item $index from \$::$listname"
|
||
} else {
|
||
error "Item \"$string\" not found in \$::$listname"
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc flickr_lg url {regsub .jpg $url _b.jpg}
|
||
proc typical_mac_user_image {} {pick 3 img-frot 1 img-horse}
|
||
proc testo' args {first [join $args { }]}
|
||
proc _aim args {array set a [args $args];if {[lsearch [array names a] n] > -1} {set n $a(n)} {set n [aimname]};return ".aim $n [join $a(args)]"}
|
||
proc welshword args {if {$args == ""} {set args [rand 4 9]}; string map {" " ""} [lselect_random {"c" "y" "w" "m" "r" "g"} $args]}
|
||
proc interlace str {join [split $str \n] "\n \n"}
|
||
proc furaffinity {} {return " PLEASE DO NOT COPY, ALTER OR DISTRIBUTE "}
|
||
proc nwo_bottom {} {. " Forced Vaccinations ░\n Prison Industrial Complex ░\n Elite Controlled Eugenics ░\n▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄░\n ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░"}
|
||
proc cockbutteslogo {} { join $::cockbuttes \n }
|
||
proc megaroofle {{oi 20}} {string map {" " ""} [lselect_random {"LOL" "LMAO" "ROTF" "ROOF" "HAHA"} $oi]!!!}
|
||
proc crazy {{beat meat}} {if {$beat eq "beat"} {return OH\ YEAH} {error "lick from the shaft to the dome of the dick"}}
|
||
proc prophet {{who {}}} {return "[upper ya allah, so says the prophet mohammed (peace be upon him): [kill_verb]] [upper the [infidel_word] [name $who], inshallah, lest he shall [insult_verb] islam.] [rands [+ 6[rand 5]]]"}
|
||
proc name_or_other {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} { return [name]} {return $name}}
|
||
proc randwithfloor {floor max} {expr {int(rand()*($max-$floor)+$floor)}}
|
||
proc load_racistmap {} { foreach {a b} $::racism_tuples { array_lappend racistmap $a $b } }
|
||
proc buttemnd {title img mp3} {tinyurl [. http://churchturing.org/autoytmnd/index.cgi?[? mp3 $mp3 title $title img $img]]}
|
||
proc unescape_html_entities html {subst [regsub -all {&(?:#?\d+|[xX][A-Fa-f0-9]+);} [escape [string map $::html_entities $html]] {[unescape_numeric_html_entity "\0"]}]}
|
||
proc cook {} {. i let my [gay_word] [cooking_verb] [distasteful_word] with a bit of [crw_word] after}
|
||
proc rot:transpose strl {
|
||
rot:serializemat [rot:transposematrix $strl]
|
||
}
|
||
proc c/d args {?? {c d}}
|
||
proc cliche_bingo {{n 5} {names {}}} { grid_layout [cliche_bingo_matrix $n $names] }
|
||
proc d&d {} {goonsay "I, for one, disagree with [hotbutton]"}
|
||
proc do_not_use {{args {}}} {. \1DCC\1}
|
||
proc ffsoy {} {return "[bt FAGS FOR]\n \n[bt SOME OF YOU]"}
|
||
proc lastmagick {{index end}} {lindex [cache fetch magick last list] $index}
|
||
proc alyssa_hindle {} {return "Alyssa Hindle (EC 305)\nThis summer you can find Alyssa working and living in the city of totems, otherwise known as Duncan. As far as work goes, lifeguarding is her game, so you can find her lazing about pool-side while simultaneously saving lives. When she is not busy laying in the sun you can find her floating down a river or wakeboarding!"}
|
||
proc mytwiggah {user user2} {return " __\n ( -> $user,\n / )\\ Whaddup my Twiggah!\n<_/_/ -$user2\n \" \"";}
|
||
proc igridpod {} {. [ipozt][ipozb]}
|
||
proc pebkac_hey {} {. "<pebkac> hey guys i just got [choose engaged divorced "a craving for [crw_word]" "my new backpack"]"}
|
||
proc maxdims str { set w 0; set h 0; foreach {row} [split $str \n] { set w [rot:max $w [string length $row]]; incr h;}; return [list $w $h]}
|
||
proc imdb args { catch {imdb_pic $args} cum; if {$cum != 1 && [string range $cum 0 3] == "http"} { imdb2 $args 1 } { imdb_ $args } }
|
||
proc hulk args {rage $args}
|
||
proc tinfoil args {string map {k KKK s $$$ K KKK S $$$} [join $args]}
|
||
proc ipodde {} { subst [join [string map [list \\ \\\\] $::ipoddata] \n] }
|
||
proc todo {{who {[nick]}}} {set idx 0; set who [name [subst $who]]; if [array exists ::todo{$who}] { regsub -line -all {^ } [. "\002TODO\002-items for $who:\n" [join [. "\n" [map [last [array get ::todo{$who}]] {e {set idx [expr $idx + 1]; if ![regexp "\003" $e] { set e "\002[string index [string touppe $e] 0]\002[string range $e 1 end]"; }; . " \xe2\x80\xa2 \[#$idx\] $e"}}]] \n]] " " } else { . "$who has no \002TODO\002!";}}
|
||
proc cattragedy {} http://gist.github.com/135702.txt
|
||
proc mcanvas {w h {c 1}} { string repeat "[COLOR $c $c][string repeat { } $w]\n" $h }
|
||
proc goonhost {} {lindex_random $::goonhost}
|
||
proc card_p a { set suit [lindex [split $a .] 0]; set num [lindex [split $a .] 1]; if {$suit == "S"} { return [card_spade $num]; } else { if {$suit == "C"} { return [card_club $num]; } else { if {$suit == "H"} { return [card_heart $num]; } else { return [card_diamond $num]; } } } }
|
||
proc suckzooka {} {return " _________________________________ _______\n |_________________________________| |====_______ >\n / /_| / /\n /_/ /_/ nigga where my bazooka be at"}
|
||
proc radar location {set coords [get_coords $location]; . http://radblast-mi.wunderground.com/cgi-bin/radar/WUNIDS_map?station=LOT&type=N0R&scale=1.000&noclutter=0&lat=[lindex $coords 0]&lon=[lindex $coords 1]&smooth=1#.png}
|
||
proc buttenet {} {. [b]feem is a fag}
|
||
proc heron {} { return [heron2]; }
|
||
proc 14words {} {return "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children"}
|
||
proc mcdonalds {} {return "I'm a dollar menu guy"}
|
||
proc scalar x { return $x }
|
||
proc heyrick {} { . twitter gateway is ded }
|
||
proc drudge_minor_stories html {set ret [list]; foreach {match title} [regexp -all -nocase -inline {<a.*?>(.*?)</a>} $html] {set text [join [split [string trim [strip_html $title]] \n]]; if [regexp {\.\.\.$} $text] {lappend ret $text}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc cord {} {return "The cord brought new [shakti_word] to the system. [shakti_word], [shakti_word], and [shakti_word] all improved greatly. My friend has a PhD in [shakti_word] studies and agreed that the [shakti_word] was noticeably amazing. We went to Burger King and ordered whoppers with extra [shakti_word] and [shakti_word] and a side of [shakti_word]." }
|
||
proc english_meal {} {lindex_random $::english_meal_dict}
|
||
proc raildat {} { smega {. [next_in_list {"8======D (_O_)" " 8======D (_O_)" " 8======D(_O_)" " 8======D_O_)" " 8======DO_)" " 8======D_)" " 8======_)" " 8=====_)" " 8====_)" " 8===_)" " 8====_)" " 8=====_)" " 8======_)" " 8======D_)" " 8======DO_)" " 8======D_O_)" " 8======D(_O_)" " 8======D (_O_)"}]} 21 }
|
||
proc winkies {} {set ret ""; set n [rand 23]; foreach m [seq 1 $n] { append ret [name] " "; }; return "$n WINKIES FOUND: $ret";}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/stabby/ args {error "spic-like typing detected"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+?)reads$/} {match args} {fuckingcolumns [linsert [ltop [shuffle [lgrep [string tolower [last $match]] $::buttesread]] 17] 0 {title author {recommended by}}]}
|
||
proc hump {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; me "starts [sex_act] $who's [body_part]"}
|
||
proc %% who {set out ""; set lines [split [trim $::playlist($who)] \n]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $lines]} {incr i 3} { append out "\x02\u266B [pad_line [lindex $lines $i] [sl $lines 0 3]]\x02 | [pad_line [lindex $lines [+ $i 1]] [sl $lines 1 3]] | [lindex $lines [+ $i 2]]\n" };. $out }
|
||
proc infid3l2 {{_txt heyy}} {embed [rain [regsub "\x0f" [ajoin "" [sinewave [infid3l]] "" [flip [sinewave [infid3l]]]] ""]] [bt $_txt] 17 8}
|
||
proc dukeku2 {{str {}}} {return "[string toupper [rap_word]] [capitalize [rap_word]] [capitalize [rap_word]] GOin DOwnz to [random_word] to see mah boi [hacker [name $str]] CHilln'z shootin off mah [goon_word] at dem [goon_word]z fo sho hmm das it [rap_word]z Smart Ass [capitalize [rap_word]] 2 got a [rand 1600] on mah S.A.T.S"}
|
||
proc uptime {} {set u [meta uptime]; if {$u == 420} { return "FO TWENNY" }; return $u }
|
||
proc arabnet {} {. \x03[set c [rand 0 15]]\x1f/!\\\x0f \x02[set ::arabnet]\x02 join #gamme \x03[set c]\x1f/!\\\x0f}
|
||
proc thosefuckers {} {lindex_random $::thosefuckers}
|
||
proc ny_locale {} {lindex_random $::ny_locales}
|
||
proc google:time args { html [last [regexp -inline {<td style="font-size:medium">(.+?)</td>} [wget http://www.google.com/search?q=[urlencode "time in [regsub -nocase {^time (in )?} [join ${args}] ""]"]]]]}
|
||
proc gigagaybar {} {giga gaybar}
|
||
proc shrink str {set out ""; set thing [split [regsub -all {(.)[^\n]} [strip_color $str] {\1}] \n]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $thing]} {incr i 2} {append out [lindex $thing $i]\n}; . $out}
|
||
proc rss_data_get {rssfeed {interval 3600}} { http://feeds.churchturing.org/dynamic/dynamic.php?z&interval=$interval&url=[urlencode $rssfeed] }
|
||
proc %+ {who q} { set out ""; foreach chunk [split [string range [first [split [strip_all [song $q]] \n]] 2 end] {|}] { append ::playlist($who) "[trim $chunk]\n" }; set la [split [%% $who] \n]; lindex $la [- [llength $la] 2]}
|
||
proc dylan {} {return "DYLAN, IT DOESN'T EXIST. IT IS NO LONGER IN EXISTENCE"}
|
||
proc ubuntu_verb {} {lindex_random $::ubuntu_verb}
|
||
proc octalc0mg {} {string map {. -} [omg]}
|
||
proc %- {who q} {set plist ""; set parts [split [trim $::playlist($who)] \n]; set out ""; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $parts]} {incr i 3} { set part [lrange $parts $i [+ $i 2]]; if {[regexp -nocase $q [. $part]] == 0} { append plist [join $part \n]\n } else { append out "[lindex [split [%% $who] \n] [expr $i/3]]\n"} }; set ::playlist($who) $plist; . $out}
|
||
proc hash_cached {type args} {set key [join $args " "]; if {! [cache exists $type $key]} {cache put $type $key [hash $type $key]}; cache get $type $key}
|
||
proc c2f c {. [format "%.2f F" [expr (9.0/5.0)*$c + 32]]}
|
||
proc tp_a {{who Kalle}} {. "<[name $who]> [p_a]"}
|
||
proc happy2 {{max 0}} {if !{$::happy_n++ > $max}{return ":):):):):):):):):):):)\n[happy2 $max]";}}
|
||
proc tmyk {} {. [img-tmyk]\n[aud-tmyk]}
|
||
proc metaquote {nick args} {return "<@$nick> [eval $args]"}
|
||
proc htmlize str {string map $::html_pairs $str}
|
||
proc &ify args {regsub -all {...} [join $args] {&}}
|
||
proc fileext t {set x [wget http://shell.windows.com/fileassoc/0409/xml/redir.asp?Ext=$t];set d [lindex [regexp -inline {<b>Description: </b>\n(.*?)\n<BR />} $x] 1];return "File extension: .$t\nDescription: $d"}
|
||
proc time_word {} { subst [lindex_random $::time_dict] }
|
||
proc rainmoira {{who moira}} {return "[gay][moira $who]"}
|
||
proc march_17 {} {ajoin "" [vflip [STass]]\n[STass] [flip [vflip [STass]]\n[STass]] "\n\n\n\n HAPPY ST.\nPATRICK'S DAY " \n\n\n[bgbt by egg]}
|
||
proc bigdong {} {bigtext {8====D~}}
|
||
proc fakecmd {} fake_cmd
|
||
proc abez2 {} {fart 20070214.html}
|
||
proc catbus2 {} {return "<Catbus> [choose kids boiz lolis] are delicious\n<Catbus> om nom nom nom\n* Catbus is a [pedo_word]\n<Catbus> om nom nom"}
|
||
proc moirasay args {stampsay -s moira* [join $args]}
|
||
proc rot:isoff c {
|
||
set O $::rotOff;
|
||
if {$c==$O} { return 1; } else { return 0;}
|
||
}
|
||
proc pickbad args { set options [list]; foreach {value block} $args { do_times $value { lappend options $block } }; return [uplevel 1 [lindex_random $options]] }
|
||
proc hotproz {} {return [egghead]}
|
||
proc shitsmells {} {. "Winkie smells"}
|
||
proc SThorse1 {} { return " _ _ \n _^>\\/<^ \n ^/ 6 6) \n ^/ , ( \n^/ /\\\\..) ";}
|
||
proc prankideas {} { subst [lindex_random $::prankideas] }
|
||
proc macro {name args} {set body [cwget http://buttes.org/macros/$name]; set rest [repeat [llength [regexp -all -inline {%-?\d*s} $body]] name]; apply {format $body} [concat $args $rest]}
|
||
proc SThorse2 {} { return " \\\` ,/\\ \n \\\\o \\~~ \n / ) \\~~ \n ('_/\\ \\=_\n | ";}
|
||
proc concat2 {a b} {. $a$b}
|
||
proc tvshow {} {lindex_random $::tvshows}
|
||
proc SThorse3 {} {flip [SThorse]}
|
||
proc moirasmom {} { return "octalc0de's mom slept with [info cmdcount] men and sucked [expr 2 * [info cmdcount] + 1] dicks"}
|
||
proc hypnotrain {} {return [ajoin " " [. [bold] [hypnotic]] [rainbow [hypnotic]] [. [warhol_colorize hypnotic]]]}
|
||
proc SThorse4 {} {flip [SThorse2]}
|
||
proc checkforspaces dictionary {if {[regexp 1 [map [set ::[subst $dictionary]] {x {regexp {\s.*\s} $x}}]]} {} {. $dictionary}}
|
||
proc mylittlerav args {. "<\&Rav\^> like horse porn"}
|
||
proc c99 {} { return "08,04" }
|
||
proc Zaphod {} {return "My name is Zaphod, and I make pizzas with ham, pepperoni, mushrooms, olives, onions, and linguica for whiny faggots and their annoying, crying, won't-shut-the-fuck-up crotchrats."}
|
||
proc rotate v { rotate90 $v }
|
||
proc kingturd {} {return "kingturd is great and everyone else sucks"}
|
||
proc abgbt args {apply {ajoin " "} [map [split [join $args] {}] {char {apply [next_in_list {bgbt {fw bgbt}}] $char}}]}
|
||
proc random_warhol_stamp {} { warhol_stamp [lindex_random [stamps]] }
|
||
proc aimalbot args { aim -n [aimname $args] [albot] }
|
||
proc vulnerability {} {lindex_random $::vulnerability_dict}
|
||
proc what_year_is_it {} {clock format [clock scan "now"] -format %Y}
|
||
proc retrieve_poop {} { . "You retrieved the poop! :]~" }
|
||
proc hurd {} {return "HIRD of Unix Replacing Daemons"}
|
||
proc rainmanbabies {} {return [rainbow [thread_gen]]\n[rainbow [thread_gen]]\n[rainbow [thread_gen]]\n[rainbow [thread_gen]]\n[rainbow [thread_gen]]}
|
||
proc blackitem {} {subst [lindex_random $::blackitem]}
|
||
proc warholcat {} {return [ajoin "" "[mega bold]\n[mega bold]" "[mega color yellow on blue]\n[mega color lime on orange]" "[STkitty]\n[STkitty]" "[mega color fuchsia on red]\n[mega color navy on green]" "[STkitty]\n[STkitty]"]}
|
||
proc hurf {} {mapx [seq 1 5] x {hurfle}}
|
||
proc STcar {} { return " _____\n _/ __|_\\__\n| \\\n`-()----()-'"; }
|
||
proc news_network {} {?? $::news_network}
|
||
proc gooklump {} {chinkerize [lump]}
|
||
proc STass {} { return " _/ \\\n _-\" (\n( _ |\n| / |\n \\_ \\_ _/ ";}
|
||
proc nazisay txt {ajoin "" [wrap [join $txt] 50] "\n\\" [STnazi]}
|
||
proc STcat {} { return " ^_^ (\\ \n (';')--_)> \n \\ / \n II\"\"II \n ^^ ^^ ";}
|
||
proc bitcoin_txt args {goonsay [join [?? [twits2 bitcoin_txt]]]}
|
||
proc dhcp {} {return "Dynamic Hose Configuration Protocol"}
|
||
proc mexicanfood_word {} {lindex_random $::mexicanfood}
|
||
proc animalprefix {} {lindex_random $::animalprefix}
|
||
proc comedian args {lindex_random $::comedian_dict}
|
||
proc puntme_crew {} {wget http://limux.biz/puntme_crew.txt}
|
||
proc periodic_metal {} {lindex_random $::periodic_metals}
|
||
proc camwhoreurl {} {string map {{ } {}} [string tolower [city][sexpart]][tld]}
|
||
proc image-mst3k url { magick_overlay $url http://i.imgur.com/gMrPT.png }
|
||
proc 5stamp {} {return "___\n\\___\n __)"}
|
||
proc panis {} {bigtext "stupid macro"}
|
||
proc mytemp {} {urtemp [nick]}
|
||
proc menu_drink {} {string totitle [subst [lindex_random $::menu_drink]]}
|
||
proc goonnight {{who {}}} { if { $who eq "" && [rand 20] == 0 } { set who "Shernalee Stephenson" }; return "Goonnight [name $who], wherever you are." }
|
||
proc ngaydar {{n 5}} { matrix [inject [lrange [shuffle [names]] 0 [expr $n - 1]] [gaydar:scope] {{scope name} {gaydar:placename $scope $name}}]}
|
||
proc okey_spell {} {lindex_random $::okey_spell}
|
||
proc blackjack_if_init {} { if [blackjack_initialized] { return 1; } else { return [blackjack_init]; }; }
|
||
proc hush args {. "$args Those soft, girly chats don't make you a troll.\nThose old text spams don't make you a troll. \nThose flashin' ansi blocks don't make you a troll. \nA real troll is a troll that's hush."}
|
||
proc draw-blocks bitmap {join [map $bitmap {line {join [map [split $line {}] {char {if $char {. [invert " "]} {. " "}}}] ""}}] \n}
|
||
proc thread_gena {} {return "http://archives.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=[ran_threada]"}
|
||
proc slot_pull_stamps_display stamps {eval "ajoin | \[[lindex $stamps 0]] \[[lindex $stamps 1]] \[[lindex $stamps 2]]"}
|
||
proc weaselize2 str { set ret ""; foreach w [split $str] {append ret "$w "; switch [rand 4] {0 {append ret "dook, "}} {1 {append ret "YIFF"}}}; append ret " DOOK!!"; return $ret }
|
||
proc hertz {} {icosa . http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/df/Hertz_svg.svg/3000px-Hertz_svg.svg.png}
|
||
proc forumstatus {} {return down}
|
||
proc days_since_iphone_update {} {curse_you_steve iPhone}
|
||
proc sidemid args {set i [join $args]; return "$i\n$i$i\n$i$i$i\n$i$i$i$i\n$i$i$i$i$i"}
|
||
proc pynchon {} {goonsay "<pynchon> i wouldnt have ever dated mexican bitches if it werent for max hardcore"}
|
||
proc pua_objects {} {return [plural [pua_object]]}
|
||
proc cliche {{nick {}}} { set nick [or $nick [name]]; set c [cliche_for $nick]; set s "talks about: [talking_word_for $nick]"; choose [or $c $s] $s }
|
||
proc cyberwarfags {} {apply stock2 $::cyberwarfags_symbols}
|
||
proc weasel {} {return "Willies Enter; are sucked ever lovingly"}
|
||
proc android {} {. Google Vo...}
|
||
proc baconator {} {proc dave_thomas {} {ruby_book}; return "spicy baconator"}
|
||
proc underscore str {string map {- _ { } _} $str}
|
||
proc lawfirm {} {return "[surname], [surname], and [surname], [lindex_random {PLC PLLC LLP {Attorneys At Law}}]"}
|
||
proc electhillary {} {. "[permute "Hillary Clinton #1 Presidential Candidate"]\n- The Momjeans [publication]"}
|
||
proc alpha_circled args { alpha_replace ⒶⒷⒸⒹⒺⒻⒼⒽⒾⒿⓀⓁⓂⓃⓄⓅⓆⓇⓈⓉⓊⓋⓌⓍⓎⓏ [join $args] }
|
||
proc delete_flag {} {return "[color blue]The preceding flag has been removed, thank you for reviewing flagged chats."; set lines [collect_lines]; submit_oper_emerg "***ATTN*** FLAG DELETION ATTEMPT DETECTED ***ATTN***" $lines}
|
||
proc rippergoon {} {strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp "I took [rand 100] [drug_word]s, [rand 100] [drug_word]s, [rand 100] [drug_word]s, [rand 100] [drug_word]s, topped off with [rand 100] [drug_word]s. [fatgoon_finale]. [ripper_line]. I told you I was hardcore. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa."]}
|
||
proc barrelof {{what {}}} {return "(_(_(.)_ A BARREL OF PURE [string toupper $what] HAS SPILLED INTO [channel]"}
|
||
proc query list {set result [list]; foreach {key value} $list {lappend result [urlencode $key]=[urlencode $value]}; join $result &}
|
||
proc nsfw {{fag {}}} {. "[name $fag]: Just because you're at home, or your workplace is cool with improper content, doesn't mean that your friends are in the same situation. If you're forwarding a dirty e-mail (or sending a song, image, or video containing improper language, nudity, or porn), just write \"NSFW,\" or \"Not Safe For Work\" in the subject line. Neglecting to warn someone can have extremely bad ramifications, so use your head."}
|
||
proc niggerwoman {} {lindex_random $::niggerwomen}
|
||
proc ++ args {set result [regexp -inline {^<(@| |\+)*(.+?)> (.+?)$} [join ${args}]]; if {[llength $result] > 0} {set who [lindex $result 2]; set what [lindex $result 3]} else {set who [lindex $args 0]; set what [lrange $args 1 end]};if {[info exists ::phrases($who)] == 0} {set ::phrases($who) [list]};, ::phrases($who) $what}
|
||
proc d/c {} {return "[upper [city]], [upper [state]] (PR Newswire) -- The D/C Association of America today introduced a new D/C-[expr [year]+1] specification that will bring not caring into the 21st century for the first time."}
|
||
proc zYBLORE {a b} { return "[string repeat "(_" $a][seamen $b 3] [zybl0re]"}
|
||
proc sreverse str { set reversed ""; foreach c $str { set reversed "$c$reversed" }; return $reversed }
|
||
proc racro acro { set t [rpick [lindex $::acro_template [strlen $acro]]]; map [explode $acro] {x { set t [smap1 $t & $x] }}; flatten [akro [string tolower $t]] }
|
||
proc image-fml {{img {}} {fml {}}} { caption [eval_or {. $img} {subst [?? $::fml_images]}] [eval_or {. $fml} {5~fml}] }
|
||
proc harrass_sanchez {} {sanchez [cached_onehug]}
|
||
proc furry_thread {} {subst [string map {shsc_word furry_noun shsc_thread furry_thread} [lindex_random $::shsc_thread_dict]]}
|
||
proc jew_york_street {} {set street [rand 50]; set ass [% $street 10]; if {$ass == 1} {return "${street}st"}; if {$ass == 2} {return "${street}nd"}; if {$ass == 3} {return "${street}rd"}; return "${street}th"}
|
||
proc cwipe {n {echo 0}} {set buf $::canvas($n); set ::canvas($n) ""; if {$echo > 0} {. $buf} }
|
||
proc hypnotize {} {ajoin "[color] " [aflip [join [mapx [lines [randart 21]] line {join [mapx [split $line {}] char {. [color [gay] on [gay]]$char}] {}}] \n]] \n[bt YOU ARE]\n\n[bt GETTING]\n\n[bt SLEEPY]}
|
||
proc reset {} {. +++ATH }
|
||
proc nerds? {} {c [llength [names]] nerds}
|
||
proc bixnood {} {return "mup da doo didda po mo gub bidda be dat tum muhfugen bix nood cof bin dub ho muhfugga"}
|
||
proc slot_pull_stamps {} { list [randomsmallstamp] [randomsmallstamp] [randomsmallstamp] }
|
||
proc nsic {{place COCKES}} {wt2 "NO SPAM IN $place"}
|
||
proc magick_chin {source_url chin_url {index {}} {chinstart 0.1} {hwidthmod 1.05}} {
|
||
xset chin_width chin_height [get_image_size $chin_url];
|
||
xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index];
|
||
set width [- $right $left]; set height [- $bottom $top];
|
||
set rhwidth [expr int($hwidthmod*$width)];
|
||
set rhheight [expr int($chin_height * $rhwidth/ (1.0*$chin_width))];
|
||
set rhy [expr int($bottom - ($height * $chinstart))];
|
||
set rhx [expr int($left - ($chin_width * $hwidthmod - $chin_width)/2)];
|
||
magick composite $source_url [magick_id [magick resize $chin_url $rhwidth $rhheight]] $rhx $rhy
|
||
}
|
||
proc insult_verb {} {lindex_random $::insult_dict}
|
||
proc STaxe {} {return " _ \n /\\ ) \\ \n<=()=> )\n || )_/ \n || "}
|
||
proc +2 args {expr [join $args " + "]}
|
||
proc biggayhate {{puntme {}} {washingmachine {}}} {if {$puntme eq ""} {set puntme [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$washingmachine eq ""} {set washingmachine [lindex_random [names]]}; hate [biggaybowtext $puntme] $washingmachine}
|
||
proc cflag {} {if ![rand 2] {return "-f[hyphenword]-[hyphenword]"} {return [CFLAGS_word]}}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/ED_COAN/ args {. make me fag}
|
||
proc quote_add {db str} {set db [string tolower $db]; if [info exists ::quotes($db)] {lappend ::quotes($db) [strip_color $str]; return "Quote added to DB \"$db\""} {error "DB \"$db\" does not exist"}}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^(.*)gettit/ {matches args} { set h [last [last [lgrep {***:(?i)https?://\w+.\w+} [log_for [lindex $matches 1]]]]]; if {$h ne ""} {get_title $h} {get_title}}
|
||
proc rbitmap {{x 8} {y 4}} {set bits {}; for {set i 0} {$i < $y} {incr i} {map [seq 1 $x] {x {append bits [expr round(rand())]}}; append bits "\n"};. $bits}
|
||
proc magick_composite_bottom_right {urlbottom urltop} {magick_scheme (let ((img (image $urlbottom)) (ape (image $urltop ))) (composite img ape (- (width img) (width ape)) (- (height img) (height ape)))) }
|
||
proc SThalf_pumoit_head {} {string map {___/(__ ___ñ___} [embed [embed [canvas 15 8] [flip [STmoirahead]] 1 1] [each [lines [STsmallkin]] {l {. "\003[next_in_list $::mexico_colours]$l\x0f"}}] 2 1]}
|
||
proc totem {} { return [join {{ __ } {/..\ } {\O_/} {/..\ } {\_O/} {/..\ } {\O_/} {/..\ } {\_O/}} \n] }
|
||
proc resurrect-all-niggers args {. what are you, crazy?}
|
||
proc image-rule34-shitty {img {scale 0.5}} { magick-scale-composite-center-left $img http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/51/Rule34Exploitable.png $scale}
|
||
proc aimf_cdma args {aimify cdma $args}
|
||
proc destinytimer {} { duration [- 1421756922 [clock seconds]] }
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^https:/ {matches args} {wget [join $args]}
|
||
proc profanisaurus args {if {$args ne ""} {if {[info exists "::profanisaurus($args)"]} {set key $args} {set key [lindex_random [lgrep "***:(?i)$args" [array names ::profanisaurus]]]}; if {$key eq ""} {error "Not found"}} {set key [lindex_random [array names ::profanisaurus]]}; . [b][color red]$key[color default][b]: [color green][lindex $::profanisaurus($key) 0][color default] [subst [lindex "$::profanisaurus($key)" 1]]}
|
||
proc interweave {warp weft} {set l [split $warp {}]; join [zip $l [lrepeat $weft [llength $l]]] {}}
|
||
proc unknowns {} {join [lsearch -regexp -all -inline [info proc] ^unknown\:] \n}
|
||
proc trace:dep_r {proc args} {set call [first [join $args]]; if ![string length [array names "::trace_$proc" $call]] { set "::trace_${proc}($call)" 0; }; incr ::trace_${proc}($call); }
|
||
proc lines str {split $str \n}
|
||
proc moretea? {} { teaback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]}
|
||
proc internetword {} {return [lindex_random $::internet_dict]}
|
||
proc recurse_eyes {{img {[img-leehead]}} {scale 50} {y 50} {rotate 0} {n 6}} { magick_scheme [inject [seq 1 $n] $img {{o x} {. (let ((I (image [magick_id $img])) (i2 [magick-scale-gen $o $scale])) (composite (composite I (rotate i2 (* -1 $rotate)) 0 $y) (rotate i2 $rotate) (* (/ $scale 100.0) (width i)) $y))}}] }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^\.([^\.]+)$/} {matches args} {set tld [lindex $matches 1]; set info $::tld([string toupper $tld]); . ".[b]$tld[b] [color green]([lindex $info 0])[color]: [b][unescape_html_entities [lindex $info 1]]"}
|
||
proc raindeon {} {rain [strip_all [randeon]]}
|
||
proc buyshoes? {} {wet of course}
|
||
proc wntds_password {} {. [randomRangeString 10]}
|
||
proc -- args {set res [regexp -inline {^<(@| |\+)*(.+?)> (.+?)$} [join ${args}]]; if {[llength $res] > 0} {set who [lindex $res 2]; set what [lindex $res 3]} else {set who [lindex $args 0]; set what [lrange $args 1 end]}; set c 0; while {[set i [lsearch $::phrases($who) $what]] >= 0} {incr c; set ::phrases($who) [lreplace $::phrases($who) $i $i]}; . "$c elements removed from \$::phrases($who)"}
|
||
proc biggrids {} {join {{ ██████╗ ██████╗ ██╗ ██████╗ ███████╗ ████████████ } {██╔════╝ ██╔══██╗ ██║ ██╔══██╗ ██╔════╝ ██ ██ } {██║ ███╗ ██████╔╝ ██║ ██║ ██║ ███████╗ ██ ██ } {██║ ██║ ██╔══██╗ ██║ ██║ ██║ ╚════██║ ██ ██ } {╚██████╔╝ ██╗ ██╗ ██║ ██╗ ██║ ██╗ ██████╔╝ ██╗ ███████║ ██╗ . ████ } { ╚═════╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═╝ ╚═════╝ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝ ╚═╝ ██ }} {
|
||
}}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^tr/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/?$/} {matches cmd args} { tr [lindex $matches end-1] [last $matches] [or [join $args] [format_log_line [lindex [log] end-1]]] }
|
||
proc rexsay args {set ws " "; foreach l [split [wrap [join $args] 45] "\n"] {lappend ls " $l"}; . "[join $ls "\n"]\n$ws /\nhttp://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/wingerz.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/trex.thumbnail.png"}
|
||
proc days_since_mac_pro_update {} {curse_you_steve "Mac Pro"}
|
||
proc theshitdevil {} {apply [?? {wet bt bgt bt2 rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize figlet americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize nimpify underscoreize gayflagify grapefruitize fullwidth unicode_abuse {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {"the shit devil"}}
|
||
proc .' args {return $args}
|
||
proc init2 {} {return "[format "% -50s" "[capitalize [insulting_verb]] [random_word]..."] \[[pick 4 {. {\0039\ \ OK\ \ \003}} 2 {. \0034FAILED\003} 1 {. \0037PASSED\003}]\]"}
|
||
proc blackjack_print_player p { return [ajoin " " $p [blackjack_print_hand [blackjack_get_player $p]]]; }
|
||
proc fatgoon {{glob {}}} {fatgoonweb $glob}
|
||
proc yturl2id url {last [chomp [regexp -inline {v=(([a-zA-Z_0-9]|\-|\_)+?)(?:$| |\&|#)} $url]]}
|
||
proc craigkirk {} {. Abstracting inferences between the revered and profane blurs the lines of taboo and acceptance. Utilizing a mixed media format to express ideas with a layered texture, Craig Kirk fuses historical contours though modern references to accent the dichotomy between sensation and faith.}
|
||
proc jrelol {} { subst [lindex_random $::jrelol] }
|
||
proc STbox {} { return " ,-------'--,\n|\"\"\"\"|\"\"\"\"|'|\n|____|____| |\n| | | |\n|____|____|,'";}
|
||
proc crw_ad {} {embed [tail [head 17 [macro tux]]] "[color black][crw_word].\n[color black][onebutan_word].\n[color black][tranny_word].\n[b][color black]BUTTESNET[b]" 5 5}
|
||
proc chinkamid2 {} {pyramid "xiafs "}
|
||
proc d2d {{w1 {[nick]}} {w2 {[name]}}} {ajoin "" [subst ${w1}] [ncock 0] "\n*~~~*\n\nBZZT!" [flip [ncock 0]] [subst ${w2}]}
|
||
proc xxxcocks {{n 6}} {ajoin " " [aflip [flip [ncock $n]]] [aflip [flip [ncock $n]]] [aflip [flip [ncock $n]]]}
|
||
proc jessejackson {} {stampsay -s goonigger "I wanna cut his [choose balls nuts cajones testicles bollocks nads nards knackers stones jewels junk sack manjigglys] off."}
|
||
proc hellodotjaypeg {} {return " \". ,#\n \\ `-._____,-'=/\n ____`._ ----- _,'_____\n `-----'"}
|
||
proc conspire {} {. http://www.pocketsevens.net/sparkle/files/conspire-1.0b4.zip TO REGISTER COPY/PASTE INTO WEB BROWSER: net.pocketsevens.reg.conspire://UHJlcyBCdXRhbg==/GAWQE-FAJZV-3FXLG-XPH9K-D7JZV-5ZHF6-VZP5Z-PAGQC-CUAKB-QE828-JBFWA-5NVYK-BBDDY-EHMMV-82XJP-A}
|
||
proc forecat args {catback [forecast $args]}
|
||
proc .. {a {b {}} {step 1}} {
|
||
if {$b eq ""} {set b $a; set a 0} ;# argument shift
|
||
if {![string is int $a] || ![string is int $b]} {
|
||
scan $a %c a; scan $b %c b
|
||
incr b $step ;# let character ranges include the last
|
||
set mode %c
|
||
} else {set mode %d}
|
||
set ss [sgn $step]
|
||
if {[sgn [expr {$b - $a}]] == $ss} {
|
||
set res [format $mode $a]
|
||
while {[sgn [expr {$b-$step-$a}]] == $ss} {
|
||
lappend res [format $mode [incr a $step]]
|
||
}
|
||
set res
|
||
} ;# one-armed if: else return empty list
|
||
}
|
||
proc cmp_factor_stats {a b} {if {[lindex $a 2] eq 0} {return -1} {if {[lindex $b 2] eq 0} {return 1} {expr int(100*((pow([lindex $a 1],2)/[lindex $a 2])-(pow([lindex $b 1],2)/[lindex $b 2])))}}}
|
||
proc toot {{length 0}} {let {length {. t[join [repeat $length {?? {o 0}}] {}]t}} [if {$length == 0} {rand 15 40} {set length}]}
|
||
proc bixnord {} {return "müp då døø dydda pø mø güb bydda be dåt tüm müfügn byx nørd cøf bin dø hüb mühfüggå"}
|
||
proc zlkv {} okey
|
||
proc days_since_macbook_pro_update {} {curse_you_steve "MacBook Pro"}
|
||
proc hepbuys args {. "\< hep\> i spend about \$400-600 a month on $args"}
|
||
proc 3morse string {morse [morse [morse $string]]}
|
||
proc center {str len} {return [string repeat \ [expr {($len/2)-([string_length_noctrl [strip_color $str]]/2)}]]$str}
|
||
proc sleepy {} {ajoin "[color] " [aflip [join [mapx [lines [randart 21]] line {join [mapx [split $line {}] char {. [color [gay] on [gay]]$char}] {}}] \n]] \n[bt YOU ARE]\n\n[bt GETTING]\n\n[bt SLEEPY]}
|
||
proc image-japan url { magick_overlay $url http://i.imgur.com/5mI9Z.png }
|
||
proc dial number {apply audioconcat [map [to_phonenumber $number] {i {. http://churchturing.org/x/prank-audio/dtmf-$i.wav}}]}
|
||
proc talking_word_for who {switch -glob -- [string tolower $who] "$::talking_patterns default random_word"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)think$/} {matches cmd args} {apply [list stampthink -s [last $matches]] $args}
|
||
proc undernet {} {. what net?}
|
||
proc crapper {} {. [regsub -all {CLAP} [clapper] {CRAP}]}
|
||
proc notsanchez_herpderp args {set out [strip_color [join $args]]; set url [lindex [http post http://cryptosystem.org/projects/twitter/sanchez.cgi twat [strip_all $out]] 2]; . [string map {"\n" ""} "$url : [twitterize $out]"]}
|
||
proc STchink2 {} {return " ________\n /________\\\n ( \\ / )\n (____o___)"}
|
||
proc autopad {list str} {pad_line $str [longline $list]}
|
||
proc safesrc name { flattenproc $name }
|
||
proc test1456 args {set str [join $args];return "\001QUIT [join [split $str "\n"] "\001\n\001QUIT "]\001"}
|
||
proc STbsd {} {return " (-.) \n cc ) \n3-n-( \n _(|/`->"}
|
||
proc gayify args { rainbow $args }
|
||
proc ejaculates {} {lindex_random $::ejaculate_dict}
|
||
proc rabrewer {{who {}}} {string map {read drink Fireball Firebrew} [raruler $who]}
|
||
proc proc1 {} {return [crw_word]; [proc2]}
|
||
proc megaisland {} {return "[island]\n[island]\n[island]\n[island]\n[island]"}
|
||
proc STbrr {} {. $::STbrr}
|
||
proc dice {} {return "u rolld [expr {int(rand()*6)+1}], [faglame]"}
|
||
proc proc2 {} {[proc1]}
|
||
proc ncockrow a {return "[string repeat " _" $a]\n [string repeat " /\\)" $a]\n [string repeat " / / " $a]\n [string repeat " ( Y) " $a]\n [string repeat " \"\" " $a]"}
|
||
proc dickroulettechoosen {n l} { if {$n == "octalc0de"} { set l 0; } else {}; return [dicktopwise $l]\n$n}
|
||
proc abez_isnt_working {} { lindex [odd_elm [regexp -all -inline "<pre>(.*?)</pre>" [wget http://churchturing.org/w/hourly/]]] 1 }
|
||
proc alliterate {a b {c {}}} {set a [string tolower $a]; set b [string tolower $b]; set c [string tolower $c]; if {$c eq ""} {set i -1; while {$i == -1} {set c [string index [lindex_random $a] 0]; set i [lsearch -glob $b $c*]}}; return "[lindex_random [lfilter $c* $a]] [lindex_random [lfilter $c* $b]]"}
|
||
proc cumCUMcum {} {}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(p[o0]{3,}p)$/} {matches cmd args} {s/poop/[last $matches]/ [poop]}
|
||
proc select {list block} {
|
||
set result [list]
|
||
foreach value $list {
|
||
if [true? [yield $value]] {
|
||
lappend result $value
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return $result
|
||
}
|
||
proc rotate180 v { rotate90 [rotate90 $v] }
|
||
proc proverb {} {lindex_random $::proverbs}
|
||
proc linit list {lrange $list 0 end-1}
|
||
proc imdb_old_sucky_gay pattern {set buf ""; foreach {match url tt} [regexp -inline -all {<a href="(/title/tt[0-9]+?/)">([^>]+?)</a>} [cwget "http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=$pattern"]] { set tt [html [strip_html $tt]]; set url [html [strip_html $url]]; append buf "$tt - http://www.imdb.com$url\n" }; return $buf}
|
||
proc go:getboard gb {lindex $gb 3}
|
||
proc STnegrowizard {} { join [list { __ } " / _\\" { / / } {/__\ } {/..\ } {\ O/ } { \/ } ] \n }
|
||
proc annoying {} { subst [ lindex_random $::annoying ] }
|
||
proc shakti {} {return "[banner "This Channel Enhanced by [rainbow SHAKTI\ STONES]"]"}
|
||
proc hisam2 {{who sam}} {smega {. [bold][color [next_in_list {red orange yellow green blue violet}]][train $who]} 20}
|
||
proc STbulb {} { return " \\ /\"\"\"\"\\ /\n - | | -\n / \\ / \\\n |__| \n \`--' ";}
|
||
proc blackjack_unset {} { array unset ::blackjack_player; array unset ::blackjack_bid; }
|
||
proc pascalswager {{oi {}}} {if {$oi eq ""} {set oi [deity]}; return "If $oi exists and you believe, you'll go to $oi-land after you die"}
|
||
proc master_np_match {i a} { set b [expr [expr [master_gete $i 0] == $a] + [expr [master_gete $i 1] == $a] + [expr [master_gete $i 2] == $a] + [expr [master_gete $i 3] == $a] ]; if {$b > 0} { return 1; } else { return 0;}}
|
||
proc lalaltest2323 {} {}
|
||
proc dazjw args {dazjw $args}
|
||
proc hello_islam {} {return "<@hello> sometimes [islam_word] is kinda cool"}
|
||
proc permabanlist {} {rain [set r [list];foreach {x t d j s b} [regexp -inline -all {<td align="left"><b><.*?>(.*?)</a></b></td><td nowrap><.*?>(.*?)</font></td><td nowrap><b><.*?>(.*?)</a></b></td><td>(.*?)</td><td><.*?>(.*?)} [wget http://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php?actfilt=92]] {lappend r [fixtabs "$t\t$d\t$j\t[html $s]\t$b"]};join $r \n]}
|
||
proc butteshack:wand {} {subst [lindex_random $::butteshackwands]}
|
||
proc fakecp {} {. http://[rand_onion].onion/}
|
||
proc make_speech_balloon nlines {
|
||
set nl [max 0 [expr int(0.8*($nlines - 4))]]
|
||
set rnp {160 80 40 20}
|
||
set rn {8 4 2 1}
|
||
set cnt {}
|
||
set k $nl
|
||
set trans "http://churchturing.org/x/trans100x100.png"
|
||
foreach x $rn {
|
||
if [expr ($k / $x) >= 1] {
|
||
lappend cnt [expr int($k / $x)]
|
||
set k [expr $k - $x * int($k / $x)]
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend cnt 0
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
set img "http://churchturing.org/x/sptop.png"
|
||
foreach {c v} [zip $cnt $rnp] {
|
||
for { set i 0 } { $i < $c } { incr i } {
|
||
set img [~magick-stack_scheme $img "http://churchturing.org/x/spmiddle$v.png" $trans]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
~magick-stack_scheme $img "http://churchturing.org/x/spbottom.png" 0 $trans
|
||
}
|
||
proc radiumerror {} {return "Fatal error: Call to undefined function: [strip_w [random_word]]() in /home/httpd/forums/documentroot/corbin/[fetish_porn].php on line [rand 2000]"}
|
||
proc *r {a b} {expr round($a*$b)}
|
||
proc STbug {} {return " /\\ .---._ \n /\\/.-. /\\ /\\/\\ \n //\\\\oo //\\\\/\\\\\\\\ \n // /\"/`---\\\\ \\\\\"`-._\n_.-'\" \"`-.`-."}
|
||
proc xDkatz {} {aflip [ajoin "" [flip [rain [halfcat]]] [wrap [join [rain "XD"]] 25] "\n\\" [rain [halfcat]]]}
|
||
proc sewer_horse {} { return "http://www.heyokay.com/wp-content/images/Sewer%20Horse.jpg\nhttp://www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/" }
|
||
proc anal2 {} {act watches [dndcreature] moisten his throbbing member with [sex_fluid] and plunge it into [name]'s taut [marginalize] anus}
|
||
proc cred args { string map {TCL $ARGS} [ levelup ] }
|
||
proc text-on-comic {placements url words} { inject [szip $words $placements] "(image \"[scheme_escape $url]\")" {{i v} {. (annotate $i 14 [caadr $v] [cadadr $v] black \"[car $v] \")}}}
|
||
proc dickroulettechoose n { set length [rand 2 6]; return [string repeat "\n" [expr 10 - 3 - $length ]][ncock $length]\n$n }
|
||
proc rndtcl_identifier {} {regsub -all {[\s-]} [random_word] _}
|
||
proc image-fu img { magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $img http://churchturing.org/x/middlefinger.png 0.65 }
|
||
proc init {} {return "[format "% -50s" "[capitalize [act_word]]ing [random_word]..."] \[[pick 4 {. "\0039 OK \003"} 2 {. "\0034FAILED\003"} 1 {. "\0037PASSED\003"}]\]"}
|
||
proc +q args {set result [regexp -inline {^(?:\d\d\:\d\d )*<(@| |\+)*(.+?)> (.+?)$} [join ${args}]]; if {[llength $result] > 0} {set who [lindex $result 2]; set what [lindex $result 3]} else {set who [lindex $args 0]; set what [lrange $args 1 end]};if {[info exists ::phrases($who)] == 0} {set ::phrases($who) [list]};, ::phrases($who) $what}
|
||
proc summation l { foldxo x o 0 $l {+ $x $o} }
|
||
proc trickengimortreat {} {return "[color orange on black]You knocked on the door and got some [engimize [name]]!"}
|
||
proc knuth_shuffle_permute t {set seq [seq 0 $t]; array set ret [lmerge $seq $seq]; for {set j 0} {$j <= $t} {incr j} {set k [expr {int(floor($j*rand()))}]; set ret($j) $ret($k); set ret($k) $j}; return [order_array_list [array get ret]]}
|
||
proc heysam {} {. "<eli> HEY SAM WANT TO COME TO BOYSTOWN WITH ME THERE WILL BE FREE [choose POPPERS {CRYSTAL METH} ECSTASY] AND [string toupper [trannies]]"}
|
||
proc recapply {n f text} {foldxo x o $text [seq 1 4] {$f $o}}
|
||
proc kanye {} { kanyelyrics }
|
||
proc winkie_define {} {set x [ethnic_group_word]; string map [list [ucfirst "$x" ] Winkie $x Winkie] [urban $x]}
|
||
proc niggerplace {} {set ff {{[capitalize [niggerword]sville]} {Mt. [capitalize [niggerword]]} {The [capitalize [niggerword]] Seas} {The [capitalize [fecal_shape]] [capitalize [niggerword]] Plains}}; return [subst [lindex_random $ff]];}
|
||
proc theowhen {{who {}}} {return "<@[name $who]> [pick 1 {return "you shouldn't sacrifice your software freedoms, except maybe if... [theo]"} 1 {return "I'd rather use [crw_word] than ever resort to using [os] because [theo]"} 1 {return "i once used [os] it was pretty good although [theo]"} 1 {return "i love free software but [theo]"}]"}
|
||
proc recentdeaths {} {return "the following people are dead: [join [lrange [every_n_from 2 1 [regexp -all -inline {<FONT COLOR="0000ff"><a href=".*?">(.*?)</a>} [wget http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/dead.nsf/viewdocs-nf/lastsixmonths]]] 0 4] ", "]"}
|
||
proc pissabezoff {} {s/\\\)\$// [lisp]}
|
||
proc regulatecut args { . "<regulate> cutting an X in a $args \n<regulate> and sticking your nose in it \n<regulate> is like nothing else"}
|
||
proc nords? {} {set i 0;foreach nord $::nords { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $nord [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i nords}
|
||
proc angryboner {{size nigger}} { if ![regexp {\d+} $size] {set size [expr {int(rand() * 30) + 10}]} elseif {$size > 200} {set size 200}; return "(_(_)[string repeat = $size]D:<" }
|
||
proc moira_crew {} {embed [ajoin "" \n\n\n[bottle]\n [let {head {pick 1 {. $head} 1 {flip $head}}} [ajoin "" [STmoirahead] " "]] \n\n\n[flip [bottle]]] "[b]Moira Crew 2k8[b]\nDrinking Hard\nNapping Strong" 8 9}
|
||
proc swineflu_text {{name {}}} { . \026[or $name [name]]\026, \002ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE \0034,0SWINEFLU PLEDGE?\003\0039 I PROMISE IF I GET \026SWINEFLU\026 TO VISIT AS MANY MALLS AS I CAN. IN THE EVENT OF MY POSSIBLE DEATH I WILL TRY TO COVER UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE WITH MY GERMS AND HUMAN GOO.\nhttp://magick.buttes.org/temp/0980d4e4d94c028248621dd2f7896098.png\n}
|
||
proc calice {} { s/BUTTES/ALICES/ [cbuttes]}
|
||
proc fakefm {} {drawtable [repeat [rand 2 5] {list [?? [odd_elm [expr {[channel] == "#onebutan" ? $::onebutan_lastfm_usermap : $::lastfm_user_map}]]] [choose [capitalize [*fullname]] [band]] [capitalize [strip_u [song_front]\ [fetish_porn]]\ [song_modifier]]}] {default red green} {}}
|
||
proc fatgoon_lmiot {{foods {}}} {if {$foods eq ""} {embed [lmiot [fatcookingword]ed [food_word] ] [chins 7] 4 1 } {embed [lmiot $foods] [chins 7] 4 1} }
|
||
proc shorturl args {return "http://[lindex_random $::shorturls]/[rand_string2 4]"}
|
||
proc rot:transposematrix strl {
|
||
set mat [rot:convertstrlist $strl];
|
||
set dims [rot:maxdims $mat];
|
||
set w [lindex $dims 0];
|
||
set h [lindex $dims 1];
|
||
set newline [list];
|
||
set out [list];
|
||
for { set x 0 } { $x < $w} {incr x} {
|
||
for { set y 0 } { $y < $h} {incr y} {
|
||
lappend newline [rot:listxy $mat $x $y {" " {} 0 0}];
|
||
}
|
||
lappend out $newline;
|
||
set newline [list];
|
||
}
|
||
return $out;
|
||
}
|
||
proc golem {} {return "[choose [matter] [sex_fluid]] golem"}
|
||
proc 40 {} {. you had a beer :D \ngood job!}
|
||
proc sys6 args {magick annotate b7df71ba 12 65 20 black [wrap [join $args] 50] Chicago.ttf --no_antialias}
|
||
proc sync pname {return "pl [inspect $pname]"}
|
||
proc stagename {} { . "[waspfirstname] \"[random_word]\" [choose [alshort] [waspsurname]]" }
|
||
proc stabby {{who {}}} { if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "you and $who are the snobbiest, most derisive fucks i've ever had the misfortune to encounter"}
|
||
proc rminimum l { fst [lsort -real $l] }
|
||
proc urmom {} {bt urmom}
|
||
proc gravatar email {. http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/[md5 $email]?r=x&s=200#.jpg}
|
||
proc goonsuck {} { goonsay "i suck on dongs" }
|
||
proc suggest args {drawtable2 [google_suggest_results_for [join $args]] {default green} {} {left right}}
|
||
proc e/n {} {[?? {girlgoonsay goonsay fedoragoonsay snoopysay blakesay catsay}] [wfml]}
|
||
proc wget_encode_x str {
|
||
set chars [list]
|
||
set seenq 0
|
||
foreach char [split $str {}] {
|
||
if { $char == "?" && !$seenq } {
|
||
lappend chars $char
|
||
set seenq 1
|
||
} elseif [regexp -nocase {[ \[\]\?]} $char] {
|
||
lappend chars %[format %02X [scan $char %c]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend chars $char
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
join $chars {}
|
||
}
|
||
proc proc_ {name arges bod} {
|
||
if {[catch {src $name}] == 0} then {set old [src $name]};
|
||
if {[catch {proc $name $arges $bod}] == 1} then {$old} else {$name}}
|
||
proc log2msg log { m $log {x {last $x}} \n }
|
||
proc image-troll-bold url { image-rel-border [magick-stack_scheme $url [latext "\\textbf{[trolldb]}"] 30] }
|
||
proc ceval {script {ttl {}}} {
|
||
if ![ceval:get $script value] {
|
||
set value [ceval:set $script [eval $script] [or $ttl $::ceval_ttl]]
|
||
}
|
||
return $value
|
||
}
|
||
proc tran_nl {} {return "[nicklist] is into [tranny_word]"}
|
||
proc jena {} {return " LYNCH THE JENA 6 \n\n [ajoin " " [STnigger] [STnigger] [STnigger] [STnigger] [STnigger] [STnigger]]"}
|
||
proc acroadd {c str} {if {[lsearch -exact "add del list clear" $c] > -1} {return "error: Illegal name"} {lappend ::acronym($c) $str;expr [llength $::acronym($c)]-1}}
|
||
proc recursive {} {[recursive]}
|
||
proc chargen {} {return "\1DCC CHAT CHAT 1122436482 19\1"}
|
||
proc dump_procs_pattern {pattern {max 100}} {set procs ""; set dumped 0; set proclist [split [info procs] " "]; foreach procname $proclist {if {[regexp -nocase $pattern [info commands $procname]] && $dumped < $max} {append procs "[urlencode [inspect $procname]\n\n]"; incr dumped}}; set code [last [http post http://www.heypasteit.com/perm-it "text=$procs&fakesecurity=2453564"]];. "http://heypasteit.com/clip/$code\n"}
|
||
proc lselect_random {list n} {set ret [list];foreach i [seq 1 $n] {lappend ret [lindex_random $list]};return $ret}
|
||
proc gideon {} {talk "my name is david h gideon"}
|
||
proc bj_hand {} { return [blackjack_print_player [nick]]; }
|
||
proc transpose strl {
|
||
rot:transpose [split $strl \n]
|
||
}
|
||
proc moiravision_uncropped {{url {}}} {magick dissolve [or $url [gis [?? {whiskey gin vodka}]]] - .25 .25 -50 0}
|
||
proc jenk {} {embed [embed [embed [canvas 5 12] [STass] 4 1] [STmoira] 1 6] "/[color black on green]_ `[color]\n[color black on green] `[color]" 2 10}
|
||
proc STcow {} { return " ,__,\n (oo)____\n (__) )\\\n ||--|| *"; }
|
||
proc upside_down args {uchar_vflip [reverse [pad_lines [join $args]]]}
|
||
proc /r {a b} {expr round($a/$b)}
|
||
proc care-o-meter {{care 5}} {. CARE-O-METER: [progress $care]}
|
||
proc polplot form {wget http://a.minivanmegafun.com/plot/plotnew.py?formula=[urlencode $form]&set=polar}
|
||
proc lind_now {} { regexp {\"buy\":\[\{\"price\":\"(.*?)\",} ["http://api.virwox.com/api/json.php?method=getMarketDepth&symbols\[0\]=USD/SLL&buyDepth=1&sellDepth=1&id=1"] -> fags; . $fags}
|
||
proc kanyack {{target {}} {whodat BEYONCE} args} {if {[llength $args] > 0} {set sperm $args} else {set sperm "Music Video"}; return "[color white on black]Now hold on a minute $target\n[color white on black]I'mma let you finish\n[color red on black]BUT [string toupper $whodat] HAD THE BEST [string toupper $sperm] OF ALL TIME!"}
|
||
proc moirastd {} {caption [+gis rash] {<moira__> it's all red and irritated like under the head}}
|
||
proc gayflagify lines {
|
||
if {[llength [lines $lines]] == 1} {
|
||
set lines [wrap $lines 30]
|
||
};
|
||
set lineheight [expr [llength [lines $lines]] / 6];
|
||
gayflagify_reset $lineheight;
|
||
set bglist $::gayflag_bg;
|
||
if {$lineheight > 1} {
|
||
set bglist [apply nzip [times $lineheight $::gayflag_bg]];
|
||
}
|
||
set output [list];
|
||
foreach line [lines [ajoin "" "" $lines]] {
|
||
lappend output [bold][color white on [next_in_list $bglist]]$line;
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $output "\n"];
|
||
}
|
||
proc figure1 {} {caption [img-frot] [capitalize "Fig. 1. [crw_word]"]}
|
||
proc oppressify args {eval {ajoin " " [bt "((("] [$args] [bt ")))"]}}
|
||
proc transport {} {lindex_random $::transport_dict}
|
||
proc therapy {} {goonsay {5'11" tall, 350 lbs.}}
|
||
proc paz2 {} {strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp [ncockrow 4]]}
|
||
proc overheard_in_arabia {} {return [join [lrange [lines [subst [regsub -line -all {^(.*?:) .*$} [overheard] {\1 [arabic]}]]] 0 end-1] \n]\n--\ [arabland]}
|
||
proc can't args {return "Yes I can, you're just gay"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/weather\?$/} {match cmd args} {. [last $match]}
|
||
proc renice {} {return "Speed Hacks have been Applied"}
|
||
proc kmdate {} {[if {[rand 2] == 1} {set nick1 "mroach"; set nick2 "kalleboo"} else {set nick1 "kalleboo"; set nick2 "mroach"}]; . "<$nick1> $nick2: oh boy I can't wait until we're both in [?? $::km_place] then we can talk about [?? $::kalleboo_mroach_dict] and engage in some [crw_word] or a little [crw_word] [randor {while victor watches} {}]"}
|
||
proc anus_chat {{who {}}} {return "[name $who], [channel] is not for discussing [plural [anus_word]], but is only for dudes into [real_crw_word]"}
|
||
proc stock_info args {
|
||
set symbols [join $args]
|
||
set symbols [string toupper $symbols]
|
||
set url "http://download.finance.yahoo.com/d/quotes.csv?[? s [join $symbols '+'] f sl1c1p2j1n]"
|
||
set html [120~$url]
|
||
set rows [split $html "\n"]
|
||
set info [list]
|
||
|
||
foreach row $rows {
|
||
set row [string trim $row "\r"]
|
||
set values [split $row ","]
|
||
foreach {name index} {
|
||
symbol 0
|
||
last_trade 1
|
||
change 2
|
||
change_rate 3
|
||
market_cap 4
|
||
name 5
|
||
} {
|
||
set i($name) [string trim [lindex $values $index] {"}]
|
||
if {$index == 5} {set i($name) [string trim [join [lrange $values $index end] ", "] {"}]}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
if {[lsearch -exact $symbols $i(symbol)] != -1} {
|
||
lappend info [array get i]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
return $info
|
||
}
|
||
proc 69 {} {return "I got a 69 problem because of a [singlerandomword]."}
|
||
proc 8( {} {mega rain [say 8))]}
|
||
proc winkize args {join [map [split $args { }] {w {. [string toupper [lindex_random $::winkie_words]]}}] { }}
|
||
proc Catbus {} { Shatbus is a fag }
|
||
proc applyN {n f x} {if {$n <= 0} {. $x} else {$f [applyN [- $n 1] $f $x]}}
|
||
proc image-lq url {magick-stack_scheme [image-linux $url] [lq]}
|
||
proc tcljre2 {{oi {}}} {return "<@jre> tcl return \"[word] \[[word]_word\] [random_word] \[[word]_word\] \[[name $oi]_word\] [word] [random_word]\""}
|
||
proc lolruined {} {foreach rrr [info procs] {proc $rrr {} {. rrr}}}
|
||
proc gapes__ {{gape gape}} {each [.. 18] {{_} {. [string repeat { } [expr $_]][regsub -all { } [split $gape {}] [string repeat { } $_]]}}}
|
||
proc gamer_phrase {} gamerphrase
|
||
proc aimf_myspace args {aimify myspace $args}
|
||
proc xchat {} {. " These days my IRC client is usually XChat. It features a GTK interface, perl scripting, and a lot of little niceties that an X11 addict will enjoy. When I'm fealing hardcore, I still run good old fashioned BitchX. "}
|
||
proc rotate270 v { rotate90 [rotate90 [rotate90 $v]] }
|
||
proc pubmeasure {} {publish [randmeasure10]}
|
||
proc literalka args {. {gay}}
|
||
proc fedoragoonsay args {stampsay -l -s fedoragoon [join $args]}
|
||
proc shaktimond {} {subst [regsub -all {\(} [diamond (.)] {[gay]&}]}
|
||
proc sex_do {} {lindex_random $::sex_do_dict}
|
||
proc omgwelcometocanada {} {return "[omg] WELCOME TO CANADA, [string toupper [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]] [string toupper [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]]! HERE'S YOUR [string toupper [canadian_object]] AND SOME [string toupper [weed]], EH?"}
|
||
proc go:isboard? board {set type [go:type $board]; if {$type == "go:board"} { return 1 } { return 0 } }
|
||
proc wntd_subject {} { lindex_random $::wntd_subject }
|
||
proc removepoo num {. $num}
|
||
proc gaydar:randomlocation {} {. [+ 12 [rand 23]] [+ 5 [rand 14]] }
|
||
proc thescore args epiclibertywin
|
||
proc niggerjoke {} {return "Q: What did the [unplural [ethnic_group]] say to the [faglame]? A: \"[niggerphrase]\""}
|
||
proc mysonhasautism {{who {}}} {if ![llength $who] {set who [channel]}; goonsay I really hate the autism slurs all the fucking time. I have an 11 yo son who's on the spectrum, and this is what's waiting for him in a couple short years on $who? Awesome.}
|
||
proc choose_uniq {n f {o {}}} { getnuniq $n $f $o }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(\d{4})$/} {match args} { eval mastermind [explode [second $match]] }
|
||
proc medals args {set tables [lsearch -all -inline -regexp [get_medals] "(?i)$args"]; if {$args eq ""} {set tables [lrange $tables 0 2]}; join [map $tables {x {return [format_medals $x]}}] "\n"}
|
||
proc pinkchink {} {return [pink [chinkerize [octalemo]]]}
|
||
proc moiraspew {} {ajoin "" [crop [moiracam4] 1 1 24 8] [subst [regsub -all {\S} [crop [moiracam4] 25 1 12 8] {[spew 1][color]}]]}
|
||
proc cherriblowing args {. "<Cherri:#anti> am i blowing ur $args?"}
|
||
proc stockgetchr html {
|
||
if {[llength [regexp -all -inline {<link rel="stylesheet".*mutualfund_styles.css">} $html]] > 0} {
|
||
set chr [split [lindex [regexp -all -line -inline {<span class="ch[rg]".*?>(.*?)<} $html] 1]]
|
||
lset chr 0 [regsub -all { } [lindex $chr 0] ""]
|
||
}
|
||
else {
|
||
set chrt [regexp -all -inline {<span class="ch[rg]".*?>(.*?)<} $html]
|
||
lappend chr [lindex $chrt 1] [lindex $chrt 3]
|
||
}
|
||
return $chr
|
||
}
|
||
proc pleaselikeme {} {rain [embed [embed [canvas 60 20] [join [repeat 20 {. [string repeat { } [rand 24]] [subst [. {[} [lindex_random {weaselize underscoreize niggerize engimize canadianize chinkerize homoize articleize kallebooize}] "\"[name]: do you like me ._·\"" {]} ]]}] \n] 1 1] [bt ?_?] [expr [rand 40] + 20] [expr [rand 17] + 2]]}
|
||
proc each {list block} {join [map $list $block] \n}
|
||
proc :( args {. [laugh] you [faglame] [unplural [ethnic_group]]}
|
||
proc aimfoodgoon args {return "[aim -n [aimname $args] "I like to eat [food_word], [food_word], [food_word] and [food_word], all topped off with heaps of [topping]."]"}
|
||
proc butteshack:lookup sym {if {$sym == "@"} {. "You (usually), or another [singleethnic]."} else {. $::butteshacksymbols($sym)}}
|
||
proc rexplode {str {n 1}} { join [map [explode $str] {x {string repeat $x $n}}] "" }
|
||
proc :) {} {biggoldtext ":)"}
|
||
proc panties {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: what kind of panties are you wearing?"}
|
||
proc goblinname {} {. [subst [?? $::jgirlfirstnames]] [subst [?? $::jgirllastnames]]}
|
||
proc get_last_title {} { get_title [get_last_url] }
|
||
proc american_fast_food_restaurant {} {?? $::agenda(bats)}
|
||
proc reiser_revenge {} { return "You're about to experience chaos. [toot]" }
|
||
proc randlastfour {} {return "[rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9]"}
|
||
proc doodoohi a1 { set result "hi there"; return $result;}
|
||
proc temperature l {regexp -line {^Temperature:.*$} [weather $l] m;. $m}
|
||
proc szip {l1 l2} {set o {}; foreach first $l1 second $l2 { lappend o [list $first $second]; }; return $o}
|
||
proc format_medals args {set args [lindex $args 0]; . "[b][lindex $args 0][b]: [lindex $args 1]\n[b][color yellow]Gold: [lindex $args 3]\nSilver: [lindex $args 4]\n[b][color burgundy]Bronze: [lindex $args 5]\n[b]Total: [lindex $args 6]\nGDP per person per medal: [b]$[format "%.2f" [expr [gdp_per_capita [lindex $args 1]]/[lindex $args 6]]]"}
|
||
proc unicode_reverse_char char {wtf_is $char}
|
||
proc pc_ad {} {smega {. [imapc] <[microsoft_programmer_email_address]>} 5}
|
||
proc dolphin_google_search args {. Searched for [?? $::goon_solidfood] [?? $::sex_acts] [celebrity] $args}
|
||
proc ucfirst str {return [string toupper [string index $str 0]][string tolower [string replace $str 0 0]]}
|
||
proc charliex {{who CharlieX}} {return "$who came out of the closet to say:\nIs there a program to test if you have any [shsc_word]s or are you just supposed to notice them?\nI don't think I have any on my [shsc_word] but it would be nice to know for sure."}
|
||
proc sobad {{target {[name]}}} {set target [capitalize [name [subst $target]]]; return "$target, why do you want [loser_word] pics of [capitalize [name]] so bad?"}
|
||
proc iching {} {format "%c" [expr {int(rand()*64+19904)}]}
|
||
proc 99 {} {return "I got 99 problems and a [singlerandomword] ain't one."}
|
||
proc marxokeys {} {return "The three brothers Okey:\n[okeyline]\n Groucho Harpo Zeppo"}
|
||
proc lessees? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::leasers_list]]] lessees}
|
||
proc jakk_smoked {} jack_smoked
|
||
proc aimstatus args {set aim [join $args +];return "$aim: [lindex [lindex [http get [join [list http://big.oscar.aol.com/ $aim ?on_url=online&off_url=offline] {}]] 1] 1]"}
|
||
proc incoming {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[negromg] [gay]C=======8 [rainbow "= = - -"]\n$who"}
|
||
proc goonnomg {} { return "[rainbow [nomg 12] \n [name]! Your [body_part] is [gudrow_word] [goon_word]]" }
|
||
proc _pooptypedel {nick time} { array unset ::pooptype $nick$time }
|
||
proc 8D {} {mega rain [say 8D]}
|
||
proc myratio {} {urratio [nick]}
|
||
proc :3 {} {bt :3}
|
||
proc ipad {} { . "No mouse. Less space than an eeePC. Lame" }
|
||
proc STbutt {} {return "/ \\_ \n) \"-_ \n| _ )\n| \\ |\n \\_____/___/ \n";}
|
||
proc ballmer {} {join {DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS} "\n"}
|
||
proc corporation {} {lindex_random $::corporations}
|
||
proc metra {} { swingler_train }
|
||
proc count_boners {} {return "[llength [names]] boners"}
|
||
proc text:red args {. [^C]04[strip_all [join $args]][^C]}
|
||
proc rollback procname { eval [. proc $procname [~cwget [view_last proc $procname]]] }
|
||
proc configure {} {subst [join [string repeat {[autoconf] } 10] \n]}
|
||
proc ding {} {. dong}
|
||
proc tiwyf {} {lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {src="([a-zA-Z0-9./:]*?_500\.jpg)"} [~http://feeds2.feedburner.com/thisiswhyyourefat/PvLK?format=xml]]}
|
||
proc goofy_unicode_character_search term {regexp -inline -all {title="(.)"} [goofy_unicode_character_factory [uc $term]]}
|
||
proc lolqdb_line {{glob {}}} {lindex_random [lfilter *$glob* $::lolqdb_lines]}
|
||
proc acolorexp {a b} { aflip [join [mapx [lines [ajoin "XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX" "\n\n\n\n\n\n" ""]] line {join [mapx [split $line {}] char {. [color [next_in_list $a] on [next_in_list $b]]$char}] {}}] \n] }
|
||
proc crw_nl {} {return "[nicklist] is into [crw_word]"}
|
||
proc :< {} {pyramid :<}
|
||
proc %delorean {} {embed [. $::delorean] [. [rose] ] 25 10}
|
||
proc famousnigger {} {. None found.}
|
||
proc new_youtube_comment {} { last [youtube_comments [?? [top_youtube_ids]]] }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^\^(\^+)$/} {matches cmd} {^ [+ 1 [string length [last $matches]]]}
|
||
proc moirastone {} {moirasay "[moirastone1]\n[moirastone2]"}
|
||
proc reflectit v {set freq [rand 1 8]; return [ajoin "" " " $v]\n[join [map [enumlist [split [vflip $v] \n]] {{i x} {. [string repeat " " [reflectfun $i]]$x}}] \n]}
|
||
proc inmymouth {} { return "(_)_)====D ~~~ O: put it in my mouth"}
|
||
proc stupidradium {} {return "[random_word] is the only decent [random_word] aside from [random_word], and I don't like it for [random_word] because all of its fancy [random_word] are things an efficient web [random_word] doesn't need anyway (ie, [random_word], [random_word], etc). If I was running a [random_word] though, hey, Postgres all the way."}
|
||
proc cline {n x0 y0 x1 y1} {ccc $n [drawline [ccc $n] $x0 $y0 $x1 $y1]}
|
||
proc cseq {a b} {map [seq [chr $a] [chr $b]] {{x} {format %c $x}}}
|
||
proc rocketcatsay args {ajoin " " [rocketcat] "\n/\n" [wrap [join $args " "] 40]}
|
||
proc typical_mac_user2 {} {magick_scheme "(composite (composite (resize (image \"[img-transparent-pixel]\") 1024 512) [macify-gen [typical_mac_user_image]] 0 0) [macify-gen [typical_mac_user_image]] 512 0)"}
|
||
proc translate {src_lang dest_lang args} {set text [join $args]; last [regex -all -inline {\[\[\["(.+?)"} [cwget http://translate.google.com/translate_a/t?client=t&text=[urlencode $text]&hl=en&sl=$src_lang&tl=$dest_lang&multires=1&ssel=0&tsel=0&sc=1]] }
|
||
proc puntmesay args {if {$args eq ""} {set what [?? $::puntme_dict]} {set what [join $args]}; stampsay -s smallkin [join [list "$what, " [loaf2] "."] {}]}
|
||
proc halfsize {} {}
|
||
proc a/s/l {} {join [list [?? [seq 13 19]] [pick 10 {. m} 10 {. f} 1 {. t}] [string tolower [city]]] /}
|
||
proc comment_word {} {lindex_random $::comment_word_dict}
|
||
proc resist_screed {} {lindex_random $::resist_dict}
|
||
proc <3 args {ajoin " " [bt [nick]] [STheart] [bt [join $args]]}
|
||
proc :E {} {return [http://pastebin.com/pastebin.php?dl=f16f8d5e5]}
|
||
proc samplot {} {. [willplot]}
|
||
proc muslimfighter {{name {}}} { . [or $name "[muslim_firstname] \"[choose [islam] [muslimtitle]]\" [muslim_firstname]"], from [choose [?? $::mecountry] "#arab on SandNET"] }
|
||
proc linux {} {pick 1 {gis tux linux} 1 {. not ready for the desktop}}
|
||
proc gen-avatar-say-code {avatar text {orient L} {balloon http://churchturing.org/x/stamps/symbols/shapes/speech_balloon.png}} {
|
||
set str [scheme_escape [wrap $text 30]];
|
||
set avoffset [if {$orient == "L"} {. 0 } {. (- mw aw) } ];
|
||
set svoffset [if {$orient == "L"} {. 0 } {. (- mw sw) } ];
|
||
set flop [if {$orient == "L"} {. noop } {. flop } ];
|
||
return "(let ((avatar (image $avatar))
|
||
(aw (width avatar))
|
||
(ah (height avatar))
|
||
(speech
|
||
(annotate
|
||
($flop (image $balloon))
|
||
14 25 25 black \"$str\"))
|
||
(sw (width speech))
|
||
(sh (height speech))
|
||
(mw (if (> aw sw) aw sw))
|
||
(mh (+ ah sh))
|
||
(canvas (resize (image http://churchturing.org/w/1x1.png) mw mh)))
|
||
(composite (composite canvas avatar $avoffset (* 0.99 (height speech)))
|
||
speech $svoffset 0))"
|
||
}
|
||
proc strain {} {. [?? $::strain_location] [?? $::strain_adjective] [?? $::strain_name]}
|
||
proc aimlyguy {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] "Daily Family Guy Contest for [clock format [clock seconds] -format "%D"]! Can you name the character who made a reference to [80sreference]? Respond within 1 hour to claim your prize. If the correct answer is not received, the contest will advance to the next participant. So far today ([rand 5]) people have been unable to answer! Good luck."}
|
||
proc willmergency {} {gay; ajoin " [color]" [bgbt "471-"] [bats]}
|
||
proc jres_test {bum fart} {return "jre's ${bum}s\n __\n /..\\\n \\_O/\nreek of [sex_act] $fart"}
|
||
proc footlongs {} { upper [next_in_list [list "5" "5 dollar" "5 dollar footlongs" "(at subway)"]]}
|
||
proc STsuave {} {return "[color yellow]|||||\n[color blue]o-o\n [color white]vv"}
|
||
proc :I {{text :I}} {pick 1 img-:i 9 {eval [list [?? {bt bgbt bgt et warhol_bt}] $text]}}
|
||
proc cur_base {f t} {expr (1 + cos([clock seconds]/([pi]*7200))/1000)*[lindex [regexp -inline {<b>(.*?)</b>} [http://download.finance.yahoo.com/d/quotes.csv?s=[string toupper $f$t]=X&f=l&e=.cvs]] 1]}
|
||
proc rot:listxy {l x y dfl} { set k [lindex [lindex $l $y] $x]; if {$k==""} { return $dfl; } { return $k; }; }
|
||
proc crop {str x y width height} {join [mapx [lrange [lines [pad $str]] [expr $y-1] [expr $y+$height-1]] line {string range $line [expr $x-1] [expr $x+$width-1]}] \n}
|
||
proc init-text {} {return "[format "% -50s" "[capitalize [act_word]]ing [random_word]..."] \[[pick 4 {. \0039\ \ OK\ \ \003} 2 {. \0034FAILED\003} 1 {. \0037PASSED\003}]\]"}
|
||
proc aimf_annoying args {aimify annoying $args}
|
||
proc tree {} weed
|
||
proc STjakk {} {set donger ""; set b [expr [rand 10]+1]; for {set i 1} {$i<=$b } {incr i} {append donger "=";}; . " 0----0\n / || \\\n / | o |\\\n | | ~ | |\n x \\ 8====x$donger@\n____d-----b____"}
|
||
proc raindmail {} {smega {strcat [gay] [dmail]}}
|
||
proc prop8 {} {. "Congratulations [name] and [name]... I hear prop 8 was overturned!"}
|
||
proc hiapril {} {. [spoiler "attn: stopmakingsense \007 "]\n[ajoin " " [cswas] "\n\n[bt hi april]" [cswas]]}
|
||
proc STdog {} { return " .--_ \n _ooi | \n ('_,(_) \n )=(__ \n (_(__(__|); ";}
|
||
proc :O {} { return "[biggaybowtext ":O"]" }
|
||
proc onebutan_buyers_guide {{what {}}} {set what [name $what]; set when [join [clock format [expr int(rand() * [clock seconds])] -format "%B %e, %Y"]]; return "[bold]$what Buyers Guide[bold]\nLast Release: $when\nDays Since Update: [days_since $when]\nRecommendation: [bold][onebutan_recommendation_for $what][bold]"}
|
||
proc clint {} {string map {sam: <clint>} [disgustsam]}
|
||
proc crow args {. "\<\@crow\> [sexpart] is just a tool \n\<\@crow\> for me to use"}
|
||
proc twits2 {username {n 25}} {map [lrange [odds [regexp -all -inline {js-tweet-text.+?>(.+?)</p>} [last [http get https://twitter.com/$username]]]] 0 [($n-1)]] {{x} {html $x}}}
|
||
proc corrinize args {set ret [choose "^_^ $args ^_^" "^_^ $args ^_^"]; return $ret;}
|
||
proc kill_sanchez {} {rotwt [. "@ricksanchezcnn [alt_suicide]"]}
|
||
proc aim_quiz {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [rand_aim]}; set question "[lindex_random $::quiz_dict] [mystery]"; if {![info exists ::quiz_count($who)]} {set ::quiz_count($who) 0}; aim -n $who "Question #[incr ::quiz_count($who)]. $question"}
|
||
proc 10e10 {} {apply [?? {wet bt bgt bt2 rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize figlet americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize nimpify underscoreize gayflagify grapefruitize fullwidth unicode_abuse {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {"shut up"}}
|
||
proc bazooka {} {return "\ __________________________ ______________
|
||
-|_________________________________| = = - -|==== _______ >
|
||
/ / _ | / /
|
||
|
||
/ /_//_/ nigga where my bazooka be at"}
|
||
proc okeyattack {} { return "[upper [bold]A gang of [color blue]Okeys[color] draw near![bold]] \n[okeyline]\n [color yellow][lindex_random [seq 100 200]]HP [lindex_random [seq 5 9]]HP [lindex_random [seq 1 3]]HP[color]\n \n[largeokey]\n[smallokey]\n[tinyokey]"}
|
||
proc 10e11 {} {apply [?? {wet bt bgt bt2 rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize figlet americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize nimpify underscoreize gayflagify grapefruitize fullwidth unicode_abuse {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {"siktir git"}}
|
||
proc buddies {} {ajoin " " [string map {"I " "WE " "I'M" "WE'RE" " AM " " ARE " "MINE" "OURS" " MY" "OUR" "I'VE" "WE'VE" "I'D" "WE'D" "WAS" "WERE" " ME" " US"} [mohammed [fml]]] "\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[STpumpkin]"}
|
||
proc djia {} {bigquote .dji}
|
||
proc test_dict_threewords dictionary {if {[regexp 0 [map [set ::[subst $dictionary]] {x {regexp {^([[:alpha:]]+\s)?([[:alpha:]]+\s)?[[:alpha:]]+$} $x}}]]} {} {. $dictionary}}
|
||
proc omgbeedna {} {ajoin "" [flip [rain [mega omgbeegeometry]]] [rain [mega omgbeegeometry]]}
|
||
proc hzu_word {} { subst [?? $::hzu_dict] }
|
||
proc STfullmoira {} {string map {{.__/ } {.__/__}} [embed [embed [canvas 12 17] [STfullgoon] 5 6] [flip [STmoirahead]] 10 1]}
|
||
proc == {value args} {set result 1; foreach arg $args {if {$value != $arg} {set result 0}}; return $result}
|
||
proc letter_to_grandma {} {. "\nGrandma,\n \n[gen_letter]\n \nLove, [makename]\n"}
|
||
proc wwitb {} {join [list { ,==.} { / 66\ } { \c o) I Said} { `) ( What What} { / \ In The Butt} { __/ \ \ } {(( /\ \ \ } { \\ \ `------} { / / / | |} {(_(___)_| |}] \n}
|
||
proc progress {percentage {width 20}} {set fill [expr int([max [min $percentage 100] 0] * $width / 100.0)]; return [string repeat [U+2587] $fill][string repeat [U+2581] [expr $width - $fill]]}
|
||
proc lstime {} {clock format [- [clock seconds] [rand 1000000000]] -format "%Y-%m-%d %H:%M"}
|
||
proc 419 args {caption http\://images.inmagine.com/img/imagestate/ss138/hw1859.jpg [or [join $args] [?? [lines [nigeria]]]]}
|
||
proc 420 {} {embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 60 13] [lilweed2] 1 1] [lilweed2] 59 1] [colorize [fg 420 4Max] 9] 32 5] [colorize "~* smoke weed every day *~" 9] 33 10}
|
||
proc lnull list {lfilter ^$ $list}
|
||
proc language_word {} {return [lindex_random $::language]}
|
||
proc lastfm:artist html {lastfm:urlfilter [regsub {^/music/(?:\+noredirect/)?} [regexp -inline {/music/(?:\+noredirect/)?[^"\/]+} $html] {}]}
|
||
proc tclguide {} {return "http://tinyurl.com/yk9m47t"}
|
||
proc lolqdbcomic {{id random} {style {}} {title {}} {author {}}} { abezcomic [lolqdb $id] [or $title [word]] [or $style [choose dilbert abez vegastrike RLTiles]] [or $author [name]] }
|
||
proc ?2 args {query2 $args}
|
||
proc amendment {} {return "Congrefs fhall pafs no laws infringing upon the right of the perfon to engage in [string toupper [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc movietitle args { string map {{ Of } { of } { A } { a } { For } { for } { The } { the } { On } { on } { Or } { or } { Nor } { nor } { From } { from } { By } { by } { At } { at } { To } { to } { As } { as }} [totitle [args]] }
|
||
proc shsc_anecdote {} {subst [?? $::shsc_anecdotes]}
|
||
proc f2c f {. [format "%.2f C" [expr (5.0/9.0)*($f-32)]]}
|
||
proc thesaurus args {string map {[" {} {"]} "" {","} ", "} [500~http://www.ironicsans.com/tproxy.php?term=[urlencode [join $args]]]}
|
||
proc gradient_line {n a b {width 30}} {set p [gradient_probabilities $n]; set Pa [lindex $p 0]; set Pb [lindex $p 1]; join [mapx [seq 1 $width] i {set c [pick $Pa "concat $a" $Pb "concat $b"]; strcat $c,$c " "}] {}}
|
||
proc knockjoke {{name {}}} {set name [name $name]; return "Knock knock! \nWho's there? \n$name. \n$name who? \n$name the [singleethnic] [faglame]!!"}
|
||
proc applestoredown {} {. [img-siren] [img-applestoredown] [img-siren]}
|
||
proc ltrim lst { for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $lst]} {incr i} { if {[trim [lindex $lst $i]] eq ""} {set lst [lreplace $lst $i $i]} };return $lst }
|
||
proc coolfm {} {drawtable [subst [wget http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/scripts/lastbutte.pl?u=[join $::lastfm_cockes_usermap ,]]] {default red orange green}}
|
||
proc test_2_6_4_3_7 args {set x [nlsplit [winkie_define]];!, winkie_define {}}
|
||
proc jews {} {return " o, o__ o_/| o_. \n </ \[\/ JEW CANOE \[\_| | \[\_\\ \n (`-/------/-----') (`----|------\\-') \n~~~~~~~@~~~~~~@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~~";}
|
||
proc colwidths table {map [seq 0 [expr [llength [lindex $table 0]] - 1]] {colnum {colwidth $colnum $table}}}
|
||
proc introspect args {inspect $args}
|
||
proc bitset {var pos {val {}}} {upvar 1 $var word; if ![info ex word] {set word 0}; if {$val != ""} {set word [expr {$val? $word | 1 << $pos : $word & ~(1 << $pos)}]}; expr {($word & 1 << $pos) != 0}}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:line/^((\d+)['′]|(\d+)['′]\s*(\d+)["″]|(\d+)["″])$/} {matches args} {set line [first $matches]; set result 0; if [regexp {(\d+)['′]} $line {} ft] {incr result [expr $ft*12]}; if [regexp {(\d+)["″]} $line {} in] {incr result $in}; return $result}
|
||
proc song_modifier {} {subst [?? $::song_modifier_dict]}
|
||
proc ?? arges {lindex_random $arges}
|
||
proc card_spade a { return "$a\n /\\\n / \\\n(_/\\_)\n /\\\n $a"; }
|
||
proc stfum name {. shut the fuck up $name you stupid fucking cunt}
|
||
proc pbuh {} U+FDFA
|
||
proc whitefolks {} {. [img-whitefolks] \n [aud-whitefolks]}
|
||
proc randomsafetyimage {} {safetyimage [roll $::safetyimagelimit]}
|
||
proc {dfsgsjdfkghkjsdfhg gdfkjghs fdgjhjg dfjhfgjd} {} {uplevel #0 {set ::levellol [expr [info level]]}}
|
||
proc dilbertcomic {text {title {Dilbert sucks a dick}} {author Wally}} { abezcomic $text $title dilbert $author }
|
||
proc preview {} {return "This [movieseason], [celebrity] is [choose Dr. Mrs. Father {The Great}] [al_man_word][choose [al_hat_word] [string tolower [slur]]]!\n\"[choose [niggerphrase] [albot]]\"\n [rand 5] [element_word] [string totitle [marginalize]]babies - [source]"}
|
||
proc harass {} {ajoin "" [fastmystery] [mega . base3:]}
|
||
proc happy_sam {} {return "<sam> tcl proc [rndtcl_identifier] \{[repeat [rand 4] {rndtcl_identifier}]\} \{[rndtcl_program]\}"}
|
||
proc pornair {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who more like [strip_u [fetish_porn]] am i rite?"}
|
||
proc noevil {} {return " __ __ __ \n / \\ /..\\ .. \n \\_O/ \\__/ \\_O/ \n see speak hear no evil"}
|
||
proc gigganigga {} { giga nigga }
|
||
proc abezcomic {{text {}} {title IRC} {style abez} {author you}} { last [regexp -all -inline {id="imageurl">(.*?)</a>} [http post http://churchturing.org/comics/generator.cgi action generate style $style author $author title $title text $text]] }
|
||
proc aimbible {{a {}}} {aim -n [aimname $a] [randbible]}
|
||
proc gaytodo {{n 5}} {. TO DO:\n[join [map1 [szip [repeat $n {todo_box}] [getnuniq 5 gayagenda:event]] join] \n]}
|
||
proc twitbox {name info {col 00}} { set t 14; set o ""; if { $col == 03 || [idistance $name [third $info]] < 1.0 } { set o " [^C]09@$name[^C]03 |"; set t 03 }; set c [twitpic [first $info]]; . [embed $c "[^_][^C]$col[second $info][^_] [^C]$t@[trim [third $info]] |$o [fourth $info]\n[twitcentre [wrap [strip_html [fifth $info]] 55]]" 10 1] }
|
||
proc piss_off_babak {} {for {set n 0} {${n} < 128} {incr n} { ::proc [join [repeat 128 {?? [concat [seq a z] [seq A Z] [seq 0 9]]}] {}] args [list [join [repeat [rand 32] {?? [seq a z]}] {}]]}}
|
||
proc measurements {} {lindex_random $::measurement_units}
|
||
proc ebay {} {return "[string toupper "[choose "lot of [expr [rand 20] + 2] " "" ""][choose "[ebay_adjective] " ""][random_word], [choose "[ebay_adjective], [ebay_adjective]" "[ebay_adjective]" "L@@K" "IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS" "DON'T MISS" INVEST RESELL "ATTRACT WOMEN!" "retail $[rand 500]" "*no reserve*"]"]"}
|
||
proc slot_format amount {format {$%.02f} [expr {$amount/100.}]}
|
||
proc hexbitmap bitmap {map $bitmap {line {map [split $line {}] {color {expr {$color eq " " ? -1 : [scan $color %x]}}}}}}
|
||
proc aah {} {. "pl aah"}
|
||
proc america {{hater {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; return [hate $hater America]}
|
||
proc phobia {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]phobia"}
|
||
proc clisp args {. $::c_lisp}
|
||
proc famousniggerman {} {lindex_random $::dict_famousniggermen}
|
||
proc trim str { regsub -expanded -all {^[[:space:]]*} [regsub -expanded -all {[[:space:]]*$} $str ""] ""}
|
||
proc mastermind {a b c d} {return [master [nick] $a $b $c $d];}
|
||
proc phobic {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]phobic"}
|
||
proc two_americas {} {. "[color white on blue] TWO AMERICAS "}
|
||
proc :| args {apply :I $args}
|
||
proc audiocrop {url start duration} {. [http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/scripts/audioutil.pl?c=crop&a=[urlencode $url]&s=$start&d=$duration]}
|
||
proc boner {} {return [biggaybowtext 8=======D]}
|
||
proc darren2 {} {return "[biggaybowtext darren] OuR LiL KiWi"}
|
||
proc darren3 {} {return "<@darren[choose "" _ 1]> [darren_word]"}
|
||
proc ♥ {{who {}}} {choice [stampsay -s heart -l ~ [color red]♥[color] [name $who] [color red]♥[color] ~] [stampsay -s heart -r ~ [color red]♥[color][bold] [name $who] [bold][color red]♥[color] ~]}
|
||
proc buttesroomlist {} { set rooms [getnuniq 10 buttesroom]; join [mapx [seq 1 10] i {ajoin "" "[format %2d $i] .. " [wrap [lindex $rooms [- $i 1]] 30]}] \n}
|
||
proc darren4 {{who {}}} {return [concat "<[name $who]>" [lindex_random [concat [darren] $::darren_word]]]}
|
||
proc darren5 {} {return {darren is still your fag}}
|
||
proc seinfeld {{what {}} {who_ {}}} {if {$who_ eq ""} {set who_ [who]}; if {$what eq ""} {set what [seinfeld_word]}; set ret "<$who_> and what's the deal with $what?" ; return $ret}
|
||
proc heyfrom {w args} {set out [strip_color [join $args]]; set url [rotwt [strip_all $out] $w]; . [string map {"\n" ""} "$url : [twitterize $out]"]}
|
||
proc ctcp {} {subst [say \001]}
|
||
proc darren6 {} {caption_raw [img-pikachu 0] "\\large\\textbf{[latext_escape [join [lrange [d_a] 1 end]]]}"}
|
||
proc OeuOEuoEU {str n} {set out [list]; for {set i 0} {$i < [string length $str]} {incr i $n} { lappend out [string range $str $i [+ $i [- $n 1]]] }; . $out }
|
||
proc darren7 {} {caption_raw [img-darren 2] "\\large\\textbf{[latext_escape [join [lrange [d_a] 1 end]]]}"}
|
||
proc sandy_ravage {} fastmystery
|
||
proc pubmystery {} {publish [strip_all [fastmystery]]}
|
||
proc pooppoop {} {poop; . POOP POOP U POOPED, [string toupper [nick]]\n[tail 2 [poop]]}
|
||
proc asian {} {string map [list {\)} [string range [lacist] 6 end-3]] [ncock 0]}
|
||
proc darren8 {{who {}}} {caption [img-:i 0] [crw_phrase [or $who [japgirlname]]]}
|
||
proc ⚢ {} {[choose gis pt] lesbians}
|
||
proc waspsurname {} {return "[unplural [waspfirstname]][subst [string repeat {[lindex_random $::wasp_surname]} [expr {int(rand()*3)+1}]]]"}
|
||
proc random_date {} {clock format [expr {int(rand()*378691200)+852141600}]}
|
||
proc cpchart1 args {. Indictative Non-erotic and non-sexualised pictures showing children in their underwear, swimming costumes from either commercial sources or family albums. Pictures of children playing in normal settings, in which the context or organisation of pictures by the collector indicates inappropriateness.\n}
|
||
proc ⚣ {} {pix [?? {kalleboo mroach}]}
|
||
proc sex_act {} {return [lindex_random $::sex_acts]}
|
||
proc STcock {} { return [ncockrow 1];}
|
||
proc Grog {{who arab} {name Grog}} {. "<[name $name]> [subst [lindex_random $::Grog]]"}
|
||
proc cpchart2 args {. Nudist Pictures of naked or semi-naked children in appropriate nudist settings, and from legitimate sources.\n}
|
||
proc nop_word {} {pick 1 {crw_word}}
|
||
proc cpchart3 args {. Erotica Surreptitiously taken photographs of children in play areas or other safe environments showing either underwear or varying degrees of nakedness.\n}
|
||
proc cpchart4 args {. Posing Deliberately posed pictures of children fully clothed, partially clothed or naked (where the amount, context and organization suggests sexual interest).\n}
|
||
proc trace:help {} {each [lfilter_not trace:help [info proc trace:*]] {p {say2 [. "\x1f$p\x1f ([info arg $p])" - \x02$::trace_help($p)\x02] [channel]}}; say2 [center2 "(\002available trace types\002: [lsort -unique [regsub -all {tracer%|_l} [info proc tracer%*] {}]])"] [channel]}
|
||
proc niggerboy_activity {} {lindex_random $::niggerboy_dict}
|
||
proc cpchart5 args {. Erotic Posing Deliberately posed pictures of fully, partially clothed or naked children in sexualised or provocative poses.\n}
|
||
proc _pooplasttype nick { _pooptypeget $nick [_pooplast $nick] }
|
||
proc cpchart6 args {. Explicit Erotic Posing Pictures emphasising genital areas, where the child is either naked, partially clothed or fully clothed.\n}
|
||
proc darren? {} {foreach darren [string tolower [names]] { if [regexp {\.(co|net)\.nz|jp$} [hostmask $darren]] { return [c "$darren" " fucks sheep"] }; }; }
|
||
proc drugaddict {} {. "!synchro\n.imin\n.fire"}
|
||
proc cpchart7 args {. Explicit Sexual Activity Pictures that depict touching, mutual and self-masturbation, oral sex and intercourse by a child, not involving an adult.\n}
|
||
proc image-troll url {caption $url [trolldb]}
|
||
proc .gh {} grouphug
|
||
proc cpchart8 args {. Assault Pictures of children being subject to a sexual assault, involving digital touching, involving an adult.\n}
|
||
proc samsay {url args} {set ws " "; foreach l [split [wrap [join $args] 45] "\n"] {lappend s " $l"}; . "[join $ls "\n"]\n$ws /\n$url"}
|
||
proc master_get_miss {i a b c d} { return [expr ![master_np_match $i $a] + ![master_np_match $i $b] + ![master_np_match $i $c] + ![master_np_match $i $d]] }
|
||
proc gudbabies {} {return [gudrize [thread_gen]]\n[gudrize [thread_gen]]\n[gudrize [thread_gen]]\n[gudrize [thread_gen]]\n[gudrize [thread_gen]]}
|
||
proc cpchart9 args {. Gross Assault Grossly obscene pictures of sexual assault, involving penetrative sex, masturbation or oral sex, involving an adult.\n}
|
||
proc gudporn {} {return "[gud_fetish] [gud_fetish] [gud_fetish] [gud_fetish] [gud_fetish] "}
|
||
proc abt args {apply {ajoin " "} [map [split [join $args] {}] {char {apply [next_in_list {bt {fw bt}}] $char}}]}
|
||
proc blowmg {} {return " __\n /..\\\n \\()/"}
|
||
proc funnyjoke {} {return "Q: What's [colour], is a [faglame], and thinks about [seinfeld_word]? A: A [unplural [ethnic_group]] from [country]!"}
|
||
proc add args {return "You don't add things this way, perhaps you should learn how to use TCL first"}
|
||
proc thegame {} { return $::thegame; }
|
||
proc saq_skill {} {?? $::saq_skills}
|
||
proc imaboringrepetitiveautist {{id random}} {unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<text>(.*)</text>} [http://api.betacie.com/view/$id/nocomment?key=4b3245d9eb946&language=en]]]}
|
||
proc frotteur {} {?? $::frotteur_quotes}
|
||
proc fortune {} {wget http://gbsfm.info/~kalleboo/fortune}
|
||
proc radiogroup args {let {i {join [zip [lreplace [repeat [llength $args] {. [U+25CC]}] $i $i "[U+25C9]"] $args]}} [rand [llength $args]]}
|
||
proc D8 {} {return "The phrase \"D8\" means \"balls deep,\" i.e., to be deeply involved in an activity or to perform an activity to the fullest extent possible."}
|
||
proc test69''__deaut args {more_php {. $::askee2}}
|
||
proc acr str {regsub ^(.) [string totitle $str] [^B_]\\1[^O]}
|
||
proc audiocache url {. [http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/scripts/audioutil.pl?c=cache&a=[urlencode $url]]}
|
||
proc flashbang {} {. "[color yellow on white]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< GET ON THE FLOOR BITCHES >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>\n[color white on yellow]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< GET ON THE FLOOR BITCHES >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>"}
|
||
proc ✡ args {apply cnbc $args}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^img[_-](.*)/} {matches cmd {index -1}} {lindex_random [lines [fetch [last $matches]]] $index}
|
||
proc adj letter {rpick $::adjectives($letter)}
|
||
proc aimasl args {aimify asl $args}
|
||
proc unparse_formatting {formatting {state {}}} {set e [empty_formatting];if {$state eq ""} {array set old $e} {array set old $state};array set new $formatting;if $old(o) {array set old $e};if $new(o) {return };set ret "";foreach k {b u r} {if {$old($k) != $new($k)} {append ret [string map {b u r } $k]}};return [unparse_formatting_color [array get new] [array get old]]$ret}
|
||
proc shscmeal {} {fullgoonsay [capitalize [shsc_word]]. [mmm]}
|
||
proc nescart {} { goonsay {girl u must be an NES cartridge because i will blow on your slot until you start functioning}}
|
||
proc act args {set str [join $args];return "\001ACTION [join [split $str "\n"] "\001\n\001ACTION "]\001"}
|
||
proc african_capital {} {lindex_random $::african_capitals}
|
||
proc fagamid {} {gayamid [nick]}
|
||
proc smallcap_map {} {ceval {inject [array names ::smallcap_map] {} {{map char} {lappend map $char [uchar $::smallcap_map($char)]}}}}
|
||
proc gud_fetish {} {set ret [list]; for {set i 0} {$i <= [rand 5]} {incr i} {lappend ret [strip_u [fetish_porn]]}; return [gudrize [join $ret]]}
|
||
proc spiccy {} {string map {PuNtMe stabby} [macro puntme]}
|
||
proc foodgoon {} {return "[goonsay I like to eat [food_word], [food_word], [food_word] and [food_word], all topped off with heaps of [topping].]"}
|
||
proc ruby_book {} {proc dave_thomas {} {baconator}; return "shitty programming books"}
|
||
proc pee2 {} {ajoin "" [pee] [bigtext by\ egg]}
|
||
proc pee3 {} {ajoin "" \n\n[ncock 2] [flip [stream 10 2]] [stream 10 4]}
|
||
proc megadune {} { mega college aimf_dune }
|
||
proc burgertime {} {. " _\n /\\)\n ___/ /\n .-\'\';:::. \n / \',\'\'.;;;\\ \n | \',\'\',\'.\'\'| \n |\\ \' ,\',\' /\' \n `.`-.___.-;\' \n / /._.-\'\n ( Y)\n \"\"\nIT\'S BURGER TIME"}
|
||
proc cartoon_show {} {lindex_random $::cartoon_show_dict}
|
||
proc rucasme args {. "<&Rucas> at least I'm not trying to actively $args people off. idiot trolls. lol."}
|
||
proc rainbarber {} {eval [concat [list ajoin {}] [mapx [seq 1 7] x {gaydient 4}]]}
|
||
proc messages {} {. "You have no messages."}
|
||
proc unicode_image {} {. [unicode_abuse [wget [array_random ::images_tagged]]]}
|
||
proc secret_proc {} {proc ::. args {lappend args [set ::arabnet]; return [join ${args}]}}
|
||
proc pycon {{who {}}} {rainbow [string map {{on office network} {at pycon}} [strip_color [negruka $who]]]}
|
||
proc omgcolumn {} {return " __ \n[string repeat "/..\\\n\\_O/\n" 4]"}
|
||
proc niggerfart {} {niggerize [sfart]}
|
||
proc wendys {} {ajoin "" [fu] [delicious_beverage] [flip [fu]]}
|
||
proc mnnegromg {{a {}}} {rainbow [mnomg $a]}
|
||
proc loltipstart {} {return "[lolname] from [city], [state] submits this tip"}
|
||
proc debian {} {. "does debian stable support [?? $::debian_stable_features] yet?"}
|
||
proc nigdb {} {return [niggerize [trolldb]]}
|
||
proc STdickhead {} {. [dickhead2]}
|
||
proc overheard_niggers {} {}
|
||
proc alt_suicide {} {. "On [day] [daypart], I will [choose "kill myself with [suicide]" "[suicide2]"], I have nothing else to live for, [choose "[celebrity]" "[political_figure]"] has [betray] me, [lastwords]"}
|
||
proc trivia {{cat science}} { set trivia_last [clock seconds]; set re [regexp -inline {<td align="left">(.+?)</td>\n\t\t\t<td align="left">(.+?)</td>} [wget http://www.randomtriviagenerator.com/$cat.php]]; set ::trivia_answer [third $re]; set ::trivia_question [strip_html [second $re]]}
|
||
proc rps_choice {{choice {}}} {or $choice [choose rock paper scissors] }
|
||
proc al2 {} {return "[join [mapx [lines [overheard]] x {concat <Al> $x}] \n]\n[lolqdb_line Al]"}
|
||
proc neccoize str {set ret ""; foreach w [split $str] {append ret "$w "; switch [rand 16] {0 {append ret "murr, "} 1 {append ret "yiff, "} 2 {append ret "muuuurr, "} 3 {append ret "aroof, "} 4 {append ret "fur, "}}}; append ret " BOW WOW!!"; return $ret}
|
||
proc strcat args {join $args {}}
|
||
proc steveqa args {. [nick] asks: $args\nSteve's reply: no\nIt's not a big deal\nSteve\n \nSent from my iPhone}
|
||
proc puntme {} {return "[biggaybowtext puntme] OuR LiL MeXiCaN"}
|
||
proc blakediapersay args {magick annotate [img-blake 5] 18 230 60 white [wrap [join $args] 20]}
|
||
proc whatisgnu {} {return "Gnu's not [word {^[u].*?(?:ing|able|ed|ful)$}]"}
|
||
proc titleize args {join [map [split [join $args] { }] [& string totitle]]}
|
||
proc jabberwock {} {return "'Twas [literati], and the [literati] [literati] did [literati] and [literati] in the [literati];\n All [literati] were the [literati] and the [literati] [literati] [literati].\n Beware the [niggerword], my son! The [plural [body_part]] that bite, the [plural [body_part]] that catch!\n Beware the [literati] [animal_word], and shun the [literati] [literati]!"}
|
||
proc good1 {{dumbass {}}} {return "WOW, Good one $dumbass!\n\[Link back to my comment\]"}
|
||
proc funding {} {. YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!}
|
||
proc aimprank sn {aim -n $sn "You've been PRANKED By the SomethingAwful AimBot v0.9 BETA! PHP/MySQL Codebase by: Radium. Creative consulting by: Lowtax. Your Prank Code is: US[rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9]N. Unclaimed prizes will go to the next winner after [clock format [clock seconds] -format "%D"]!"}
|
||
proc darren_ {} darren_
|
||
proc pikachu {} {g2a http://roboawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/pikachu-200x200.gif}
|
||
proc age {} {lindex_random $::age}
|
||
proc STncock {} { return [ncock [expr [rand 3]]] }
|
||
proc Al args {. "<Al> $args >:\["}
|
||
proc realwrap {text {s 60}} {
|
||
set out [list]
|
||
foreach line [lines $text] {
|
||
set acc [list]
|
||
foreach token [split $line " "] {
|
||
set token [realwrap:processtoken $token $s]
|
||
if {[realwrap:ttllen $acc $token] <= $s} {
|
||
lappend acc $token
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend out [join $acc " "]
|
||
set acc [list $token]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
if [llength $acc] { lappend out [join $acc " "]}
|
||
}
|
||
join $out \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc fmler {{person {}}} { if {$person == ""} {set person [name]}; string tolower [string map {{I am } {He is } {I } {he } { my} { his} { me} { him} {I'm } {he's } {I've } {he's }} [regsub "(I |my )" [fml] "$person "]]}
|
||
proc drawrow {row widths {colors {}} {seperator {}} {align {}}} {join_subst [map [seq 0 [expr [llength $row] - 1]] {colnum {drawcell [lindex $row $colnum] [lindex $widths $colnum] [lindex $colors $colnum] [lindex $align $colnum]}}] "[^O]$seperator[^O]"}
|
||
proc week_hash {} {clock format [clock seconds] -format "%G%V"}
|
||
proc bin2dec {bin {sep {}} {endian B}} {str2dec [bin2str $bin $sep $endian]}
|
||
proc rimshit {} {return "Ba-dum, SHIT"}
|
||
proc samsex {} {. <@bonzo> FT: samsex involves both participants inside refrigerator boxes making beeping noises while inching slowly across the floor in parallel lines exactly 0.64 meters apart}
|
||
proc internet {} lump
|
||
proc quine {} { inspect quine }
|
||
proc minikitty {} {return ":·3"}
|
||
proc g2a url {rainbow [img2asc $url]}
|
||
proc c4block v { return "[ajoin "" [arotate270 $v] $v]\n[ajoin "" [arotate180 $v] [arotate90 $v]]"}
|
||
proc shitty_company {} {lindex_random $::shitty_company}
|
||
proc rand_butt {} {choice [STbutt] [STbutt2]}
|
||
proc swingler_calendar {} {ajoin " " " [month] 2008\nSu Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa\n 1 [color red on white]2[color] 3 4 5 6 7\n 8 9 10 11 [color blue on white]12[color] 13 14\n15 16 17 [color green on white]18[color] 19 20 21\n22 23 24 25 [color yellow on white]26[color] 27 28\n29 30" [swingler_cal_items]}
|
||
proc matix_error {} {. [matrixify "Warning: Error in the Matix\n[bigmatix]"]}
|
||
proc fullname {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs ?*fullname]]}
|
||
proc boobs {} {return "(.)(.)"}
|
||
proc disgustabez {} {gis [choose "bill gates" microsoft "intellectual property rights"]}
|
||
proc eljepe args {return "< ninjalie > eljepe: your hair looks really pretty in that pic\n< ninjalie > what $args did you use?"}
|
||
proc uname {{str {}}} {if {$str eq ""} {uname_base} {return "<$str> [uname_base]"}}
|
||
proc kmdeal {} {. "<[name]> i'd pay \$50/month for kalleboo and mroach to never mention [?? $::kalleboo_mroach_dict] in [channel] again" }
|
||
proc banner str { return "(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(. $str .)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)" }
|
||
proc fakeqdb2 {{id random}} {set n [list];foreach i [names] j [shuffle [names]] {lappend n $i $j};string map $n [lolqdb $id]}
|
||
proc tomate? {} {. "no tomate."}
|
||
proc aimlegs {} {aim You should have respect for [name] because he lost his legs sucking dick in a bathouse. :mad: [rands]}
|
||
proc master_print_stat i { set l [master_get_stat $i]; set o {}; foreach {k} [seq 0 5] { lappend o "${i}'s Wins on turn [expr 1 + $k] [lindex $l $k]"; }; return [join $o "\n"];}
|
||
proc grid_layout l {set w [llength [first $l]]; set wl [expr 80 / $w]; set div [join [repeat $w [list string repeat - [+ 1 $wl]]] +]; join [map $l {{row} {apply ajoin [concat "|" [map $row {{x} {realwrappad $x $wl}}]]}}] \n$div\n }
|
||
proc STamerica2 {} {return { ,__ _,
|
||
\~\| ~~---___ | \
|
||
| ~~~~~~~-~~~~~--~~---, __/ >
|
||
/ '\~~/ /' ,'
|
||
| / /~) __- \,
|
||
/ | | '~\ | ,-'
|
||
| | | /_-' ,~
|
||
| `-' /
|
||
| |`
|
||
', |
|
||
| \
|
||
', /
|
||
'_ ,/
|
||
\ ,/
|
||
~~~-' /
|
||
'-,_ \
|
||
`~'~~~, ,~~~~-~~, \
|
||
\/~\ /~~~`---` | \
|
||
\ / \ |
|
||
\ | '\'
|
||
`~'}}
|
||
proc aimrand args {regsub "^.aim" [eval $args] ".aim:rand"}
|
||
proc bestprocever {} honeypot
|
||
proc country_name {} {lindex_random $::country_name_dict}
|
||
proc grandcentral {} {return "Your account is not yet ready to be upgraded. Please check back shortly."}
|
||
proc %loltux {} { more http://churchturing.org/y/loltux }
|
||
proc swinglerwish {{who {}}} {. "<[name $who]> I wish that [swingler_word] didn't [act_word] my [randor [crw_word] [gay_word]]"}
|
||
proc sinewavetrannies {} {sinewave [join [map [trannies] {word {. "\00300,[gridse_colour] $word "}}] ""]}
|
||
proc nigga args {niggerize [apply giga $args]}
|
||
proc darrens {} {set ret {}; foreach name [names] { if [regexp {\.(co|net)\.nz$} [hostmask [name $name]]] { lappend ret $name; }; }; return [concat "" [llength $ret] " darrens detected: " $ret];}
|
||
proc stampamon {} {inject [seq 1 30] [canvas 72 15] {{x o} {embed $x [box [crop [ST*] 0 0 40 10]] [- [rand 82] 10] [- [rand 20] 10]}}}
|
||
proc metasolve {} {proc solve {} {return "Install Linux -- Problem Solved"}; proc dissolve {} {proc solve {} {metasolve}}}
|
||
proc samsnack {} {ncock 1}
|
||
proc goonresumemain {} {. \\begin\{center\}\\section*\{[waspfullname]\}\\\\[microsoft_prog]\\end\{center\} \\section*\{[saq_skill]\} [resumeline]\\\\[resumeline]\\\\[resumeline] \\section*\{[saq_skill]\} [resumeline]\\\\[resumeline]\\\\[resumeline] \\section*\{Certifications\} [cert]\\\\[cert]\\\\[cert]}
|
||
proc chess:square {x y} {
|
||
# translate numeric coords to sq uare name: {3 5} -> C5
|
||
return [string map {1 A 2 B 3 C 4 D 5 E 6 F 7 G 8 H} $x]$y
|
||
}
|
||
proc track_pizza id {return [list [list [list [pick 1 niggerman 1 niggerwoman] began custom-making your order at] [?? [seq 1 12]]:[format "%02d PM" [?? [seq 0 59]]]]] }
|
||
proc gernshscrant {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "<$who> Someone please tell me how to disable this. This is a [56k_word] on my [shsc_word] experience."}
|
||
proc ipv4 {} {cdown_to_secs [clock scan [cdr [regexp -inline {exhaustionDate.:.(\d\d\d\d-\d\d-\d\d)} [~http://ipv6.he.net/exhaustionFeed.php?platform=json]]]] {the end of the world}}
|
||
proc I: {} {:I I:}
|
||
proc master_match_print {i a b c d m} { return "$i [master_num $a $b $c $d] Perfect Matches [lindex $m 0], Misses [lindex $m 2]"; }
|
||
proc karma {} {set i 1;foreach {n s} [array get ::karma] {lappend ret [list $n $s]}; lappend ret2 "Kindest good sirs:\n"; foreach x [lsort -integer -index 1 $ret] {set s [last [array get ::karma [first $x]]];if {$s <=0} {set sc "$s"} {set sc "$s"};lappend ret2 "$i. - [first $x] is worth $sc [reddit_currency]!\n";incr i};join $ret2}
|
||
proc fluid {} {lindex_random $::fluids}
|
||
proc asdfasdf args {. [join $args]}
|
||
proc c_at_n {s n} {
|
||
set c [csplit $s]
|
||
if {$n > [expr [llength [lindex $c 0]]-1]} {set n [expr [llength [lindex $c 0]]-1]}
|
||
set b 0
|
||
set u 0
|
||
set cf -1
|
||
set cb -1
|
||
set r ""
|
||
foreach f [lindex $c 1] {
|
||
if {[lindex $f 0] > $n} {
|
||
if {$b eq 1} {append r ""}
|
||
if {$u eq 1} {append r ""}
|
||
if {$cf > -1} {append r [format "%s" $cf]}
|
||
if {$cb > -1} {append r [format ",%s" $cb]}
|
||
return $r
|
||
}
|
||
if {[lindex $f 1] eq ""} {set b [expr $b ^ 1]}
|
||
if {[lindex $f 1] eq ""} {set u [expr $u ^ 1]}
|
||
if {[lindex $f 1] eq ""} {set cf -1;set cb -1}
|
||
if {[lindex $f 1] eq ""} {set cf -1;set cb -1;set b 0;set u 0}
|
||
if {[lindex $f 1] eq ""} {set t $cb;set cb $cf;set cf $t}
|
||
if {[set m [regexp -inline {([\d]+)$} [lindex $f 1]]] ne ""} {set cf [lindex $m 1]}
|
||
if {[set m [regexp -inline {([\d]+),([\d]+)} [lindex $f 1]]] ne ""} {set cf [lindex $m 1];set cb [lindex $m 2]}
|
||
}
|
||
if {$b eq 1} {append r ""}
|
||
if {$u eq 1} {append r ""}
|
||
if {$cf > -1} {append r [format "%s" $cf]}
|
||
if {$cb > -1} {append r [format ",%s" $cb]}
|
||
return $r
|
||
}
|
||
proc ourdevshit {} {lindex_random $::ourdevshit}
|
||
proc ipv6 {} {return http://v6.ulfheim.net/ipv6/glitter.gif}
|
||
proc hallowhore {{user {}}} {return "$user, nice [costume_word] [random_word] costume!"}
|
||
proc STandrzej {} {. " ______\n | o o|\n/ > \\\n\\_____O__/"}
|
||
proc aim args {
|
||
if {[lrange $args 0 0] eq "-n"} {
|
||
set nick [lindex $args 1]
|
||
set what [join [lrange $args 2 end]]
|
||
} elseif {[lrange $args 0 0] eq "-d"} {
|
||
set nick [raim [lindex $args 1] ]
|
||
set what [join [lrange $args 2 end]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
set nick [rand_aim]
|
||
set what [join $args]
|
||
}
|
||
set ret [list]
|
||
foreach dong [split $what \n] {
|
||
lappend ret ".a\im $nick $dong"
|
||
}
|
||
join $ret \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc urpix {{who {}} args} {set n [default $who [lindex_random [array names ::flickrid]]]; . "$n: [pix $n [join $args ,]]"}
|
||
proc harrybozack {} {biggaybowtext FIRST\ POST}
|
||
proc lastimg {} {stripnick [format_log_line [lindex [lgrepi {\.(gif|jpg|png)$} [log]] end]]}
|
||
proc evalrepeat {cmd n {sep {}}} { set o [map [seq 1 $n] {x { eval $cmd }}]; if { $sep != {} } { join $o $sep } { return $o } }
|
||
proc publication {} {lindex_random $::publications}
|
||
proc ipoz {{fag {}}} {ajoin "" [igridpod] "\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nThis iPod belongs to: [name $fag]"}
|
||
proc escher {} {rainbow [omgwall]}
|
||
proc rainapple {} {rainbow [apple]}
|
||
proc huge:I {} {bt :I}
|
||
proc air {notrite sorite} {return "$notrite more like $sorite am i rite?"}
|
||
proc rare_holographic_gay_pikachu {} {rainbow [shrink [shrink [pikachu]]]}
|
||
proc mytime {} {wolfram:time time in $::airport([upper $::myweather([nick])])}
|
||
proc zombie activity {. "Zombie no go $activity unless you tell him to $activity."}
|
||
proc winprog {} {lindex_random $::winprog_dict}
|
||
proc tinylatte {} {. " _S_\nc\\_/"}
|
||
proc peed {} {s/(\[pP\])oop/\\1e/gi [poop]}
|
||
proc cuck {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; . < $who> i like it when [ethnic_group] cuck me}
|
||
proc dikkyize2 args {string map $::dikkyizedict [join $args]}
|
||
proc lolcat {} {catsay "I can has [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]?"}
|
||
proc 555 {} {return "***** ***** *****\n* * * \n**** **** **** \n * * *\n**** **** **** "}
|
||
proc bbc {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://feeds.bbci.co.uk/news/rss.xml]]]}
|
||
proc djname {{whom {[nick]}} {whodat {[random_word]}}} {set whodat [subst [name $whodat]]; set whom [subst [name $whom]]; return "$whom, your dj name is: [dj_word] $whodat"}
|
||
proc macwatch img {magick composite http://images.apple.com/macbook/images/overview-gallery3-20081014.jpg [magick_id [magick resize $img 520 325]] 228 75}
|
||
proc vertigize str {set ret ""; foreach word $str { append ret "[format %02d 3]"; append ret [string toupper [string index $word 0]]; append ret "[format %02d 12]"; append ret "[string range $word 1 end] "}; return $ret}
|
||
proc aiw {{who {}}} {return "Hey [name $who], [channel] is a channel for guys into [color red][string toupper [choose [crw_word] [ass_object]]]s"}
|
||
proc eachline {str cmd} { join [map [nlsplit $str] {x {$cmd $x}}] \n }
|
||
proc zoom {{height 4}} { join [repeat $height {choose { - - --} { } { } { } { } { - --} { - = = -- --}}] \n}
|
||
proc bar {} callers
|
||
proc cdown_to event {cdown_to_secs $::cdown_events($event) $event}
|
||
proc mmacomm {} { . \"Joe, do you think the champ is hoping to rely on his [mmatech] to retain his belt and possibly finish this fight early?\"\n\"Well Mike, his opponent is known for his devastating [mmatech] and [mmatech] and has proven to be able to go the distance in his fight against \"[crime]\" [niggername] [waspsurname].\"}
|
||
proc matrix2 args {. "\< matrix \> I was trying to $args, and somehow I solved Ω-logic."}
|
||
proc STwhistle {} {return " _____\n /____//\n /----/(\n / / `&\n( ( )\n `(___`&_.%"}
|
||
proc bbk {} {. tcl bbk}
|
||
proc butanseal {} {. http://presn.s3.amazonaws.com/onebutan-seal-improved.png}
|
||
proc youbet {{pwc {}}} {return "You bet your [choose [viscosity] [adjective]] [smallword] [colour] [sexpart], [name $pwc]!"}
|
||
proc r3ddit {} {g2a http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iFuGCe_0zUo/TVI2KbUVG9I/AAAAAAAAABI/P4CSQzQeExw/s200/reddit%2Bsmall.png}
|
||
proc night {} {return "[bt "goon night"]"}
|
||
proc STfullpuntme {} {embed [embed [STfullgoon] [STsmallkin] 7 1] U.S.A.F. 11 6}
|
||
proc chinee? {} { set i 0;foreach chinee $::chinees { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $chinee [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i chinees}
|
||
proc get_image_size args {~apply get_image_size_uncached $args}
|
||
proc contraband {} {return "contraband ([random_word])"}
|
||
proc thematixhasu {} { mega gudrize "T E H M A T I X H A S U T E H M A T I X H A S U T E H M A T I X H A S U" }
|
||
proc baz {} bar
|
||
proc image-avatar-background-say {avatar background text} { magick-scale-composite-bottom-left [or $background [cadr [randtag]]] [avatar-say $avatar [or $text [ono]]] 0.9 }
|
||
proc histogram {l {height 6} {width 40} {min auto}} {
|
||
set bl [binlist $l $height $min];
|
||
set out [list];
|
||
foreach {bins nbins bs mini maxi} $bl {
|
||
set i 0;
|
||
set maxcount [rmaximum $bins];
|
||
foreach count $bins {
|
||
set label [format "%6.2f" [expr $mini + $i * $bs]];
|
||
set bar [string repeat "#" [expr int($width*($count/(1.0*$maxcount)) )]];
|
||
lappend out "$label $bar";
|
||
set i [expr $i + 1];
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $out \n]
|
||
}
|
||
proc dollarsign {} { set result "\n _\n | |\n / __)\n \\__ \\\n ( /\n |_|\n"; return $result;}
|
||
proc ipdesc ip {last [regexp -inline {<td>([^<].+?)</td>} [http://bgp.he.net/ip/$ip]]}
|
||
proc chrisrock {} {return "WHITE PEOPLE: \"[resist]\"\nBLACK PEOPLE: \"[niggerphrase]\""}
|
||
proc octaltest args {tt "action update:" [join $args]}
|
||
proc dickfite {other {self {}}} {ajoin " " [dickroulettechoose [or $self [nick]]] [let {lines {. [flip [join [lrange $lines 0 end-1] \n]]\n[regsub {(.+)(\s*)} [lindex $lines end] {\2\1}]}} [lines [ajoin "" [dickroulettechoose $other] "[^O]"]]]}
|
||
proc n1984 {} {upper "If you want a vision of the future, imagine a [big_word] [choose GAY JEWISH HOMO HOMOSEXUAL CUCKOLDING] [penis_word] [choose BASHING SMASHING WHACKING SMUSHING SLAPPING] a human [choose MOUTH ASS CUNT EYES EARS URETHRA]... [time_word]!"}
|
||
proc crop_to_fit-old {url {xoff 0} {yoff 0} {w 63} {h 79}} {set ar [expr $w./$h.]; set dims [get_image_size $url]; if [expr $xoff == -1] {set xoff [expr round([lindex $dims 0]*$ar/4)]}; if [expr $yoff == -1] {set yoff [expr round([lindex $dims 1]/$ar/4)]}; set x [expr [lindex $dims 0]-$xoff]; set y [expr [lindex $dims 1]-$yoff]; set oar [expr $x./$y.]; if [expr $oar > $ar] {set crop [magick crop $url $xoff $yoff [expr $y*$ar] $y]} else {set crop [magick crop $url $xoff $yoff $x [expr $x/$ar]]}; . $crop}
|
||
proc noun_scrape str {loffset [regexp -all -inline {#([a-z])} $str] 1 2}
|
||
proc iraq {} {return "Governer Adolph Bush did it only for the oil!"}
|
||
proc STdevo {} { join [list { _|__|_} { _|______|_} { [____________]} { (--[ .]-[ .]} { (_______-__)}] \n}
|
||
proc without_first_word str { return [string range $str [expr 1 + [string first " " $str]] end]}
|
||
proc rimshot {} {return "Ba-dum, TISH"}
|
||
proc mobileprefix {} {lindex_random $::mobile_prefix_dict}
|
||
proc vomit args {foreach char [split [join $args] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {append ret [rrand_color]$char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc estrogen {} {. What a terrible day! First, [innerfml]. Then [innerfml]. And to top it all off, [innerfml]. FML!!}
|
||
proc weather s {if {[regexp -nocase {^(CW|DW|AP|AR|AS|FJ)\d+$} $s]} {set w [utf8_demangle [aprs_weather $s]]} {set w [weather2 $s]};return "$w\n[string totitle [weather1]] [weatherword]: [string totitle [weathercondition]] [maybe_measure]"}
|
||
proc invert text {return "\026$text\026"}
|
||
proc blackjack_over {a b} { if [expr $a > 21 ] { return $b; } else { return $a; }; }
|
||
proc dndcreature {} {return "[dndattribute] [creature]"}
|
||
proc nordqdb {} {norway [niggerize [lolqdb]]}
|
||
proc array_get_default {array pattern default} {if [uplevel #0 [list info exists ${array}(${pattern})]] {uplevel #0 [list set ${array}(${pattern})]} {return $default}}
|
||
proc warhol_bat {} {warhol_bt ^^}
|
||
proc spankbank:deposit {{site {}}} {, spankbank $site}
|
||
proc fkjsghdfkjghskjghjsdfkgh args {lappend dsfgsdfg "sdfgsdfgfsg";return $dsfgsdfg}
|
||
proc ohgodimsolonely {} { . etoke }
|
||
proc gypsy_count {} {llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::gypsy_count]]}
|
||
proc rmodhash {{user dongforce} {passwd l0l0l0l}} {set ::modhash [last [regexp -inline {modhash": "(.+?)"} [http post http://www.reddit.com/api/login/dongforce/ "user=$user&passwd=$passwd&api_type=json"]]]}
|
||
proc rlist {sub {n 5}} { set json [json2dict [regsub -all "\n" [rsub $sub] {}]]; set out ""; for {set i 0} {$i < $n} {incr i} { append out "[^C]04[rval name $json 3 3 $i 3]\n\x02[^_][regsub -all "\n" [rval title $json 3 3 $i 3] ""]\n[regsub { } [rval url $json 3 3 $i 3] {:}]\n[regsub {http } [rval selftext $json 3 3 $i 3] {http:}]\n[^B]by [^_][rval author $json 3 3 $i 3]\n \n" }; trim $out}
|
||
proc ctop {{url {}}} {unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<h2>(.*)</h2>} [$url]]]}
|
||
proc pregnant {} {. "<[nick]>I've only been with my girlfriend for about [expr [rand 5]+1] weeks, but the doctor says she is [expr [rand 5]+1] months pregnant. Why is my sperm so potent?"}
|
||
proc csi-comic {question h1 h2 h3} {csi-comic_scheme [list $question $h1 $h2 $h3]}
|
||
proc daychanged {} {set currentime [clock seconds];. <[nick]> Day changed to [clock format $currentime -format {%A, %d %B %Y}]}
|
||
proc 卐 {} {string map {COLLAPS GASS RALLY HEIL} [btc]}
|
||
proc personalattack {{who {}}} {return "[omg] hey, [name $who]! Your [body_part] is more [colour] than a [faglame]'s [unplural [seinfeld_word]]!"}
|
||
proc approve args {. proc \"$args\" status: Officially Approved}
|
||
proc nwo2 {{args {[nwo_word]}}} {return "Today on the Alex Jones Show: [color burgundy]$args[color] exposed!"}
|
||
proc bff {} {biggaybowtext "BFF"}
|
||
proc image-crying-eagle url {magick_overlay $url [magick_id [img-crying-eagle]]}
|
||
proc bfg {} {tcl return "(\\__/) 1F U U|\\|D3R574|\\|D \n(='.' 7|-|15 7|-|3|\\| U R F4G\n(\")_(\")"}
|
||
proc dissahc name {set name2 $name;. "My name is $name2."}
|
||
proc aimf_hello args {aimify hello $args}
|
||
proc currentmeasures {} {subst [lindex_random $::changingmeasures]}
|
||
proc glennbeck {} {. "Did Glenn Beck [sex_do] and [kill_verb] a young [pua_object] in 19[expr 10 + [rand 90]]?"}
|
||
proc underscoreize str {regsub -all { } [regsub -all {[^[:alpha:][:digit:] ]+} [string trim [string tolower $str]] {}] _}
|
||
proc buttesfm {} lastfm:buttesfm
|
||
proc buttesmotto args {return "#buttes is the cool place to hang out. You can find most of the cool people there. In #buttes, you can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. \"$args\" is the #buttes motto, for example, that's how laid back it is there. Show up if you want to have a good time. Another good reason to show up is if you want to hang out with friends."}
|
||
proc varlog {} {}
|
||
proc bgb {} {upper [subst [next_in_list $::bgbl]]}
|
||
proc mix_colours {str {mix {shuf $c}}} { set out $str; set c [lsort -decreasing [lnull [uniq [loffset [regexp -inline -all {\x03(\d+)(,(\d+))*} $str] 1 2]]]]; set c2 [eval $mix]; map [seq 0 [llength $c]] {x {set out [regsub -all [lindex $c $x] $out [lindex $c2 $x]]}}; . $out}
|
||
proc aol {} internetacro
|
||
proc arabvented {{i {}} {who arab}} {return "<[name $who]> I remember when I invented [random_word $i], way back in [regsub -all {(\d\d)0(\d)} [rand 1900 2008] {\1-aught-\2}]"}
|
||
proc bgc {c1 c2 str1 str2} {join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [bgr $c1 $str1]] [nsplit [bgr $c2 $str2]]]] \n}
|
||
proc wisconsin {} {string map {shiteater cheesehead turd curd shit cheese asshole udder his her guy cow} [terds]}
|
||
proc url_of_animate {} {tinyurl [cache get animate url]}
|
||
proc tinhate {{hater {}} {hated {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$hated eq ""} {set hated [lindex_random [names]]}; tinfoil [hate $hater $hated]}
|
||
proc i'm {{args {}}} {if {$args eq "in your room"} {return "back out"} {}}
|
||
proc aom args {adventures_of_moira $args}
|
||
proc spinynorman args {return "[bt DINSDALE?]"}
|
||
proc old-aud {matches cmd {index -1}} {lindex_random [lines [afetch [last $matches]]] $index}
|
||
proc STcloud {} { join {{ ,--. ,-. } { ( ` ). } {(' , , ;} {`---'...-'--'}} \n }
|
||
proc backup {} {lol "ERROR! SIGALRM RECEIVED AT[clock format [clock seconds] -format "%Y:%m:%d:%H:%M:%S"]"}
|
||
proc engimocaps {} abezcaps
|
||
proc bobbyfisher {} {return "[country_name] is an illegitimate country ... just like the [faglame] state of [country_name]. The [ethnic_group] have no right to be there. It belongs to the [ethnic_group]...."}
|
||
proc jizzy {} {bgbt "Matt Oglesby"}
|
||
proc lasttroll {} {
|
||
set html [unescape_html_entities [wget "http://pipes.yahoo.com/pipes/pipe.run?_id=BLjPToyW3RG5aBferLQIDg&_render=rss"]]
|
||
set titles [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} $html]
|
||
set links [regexp -all -inline {<link>(.*?)</link>} $html]
|
||
set link [html [strip_html [lindex $links 3]]]
|
||
set title [html [strip_html [lindex $titles 3]]]
|
||
. "$link - $title"
|
||
}
|
||
proc bent_pins? {} {cn [llength [info procs radeon*]] bent pins}
|
||
proc hodapdeal {} {. "DEATH TO NIGGERS"}
|
||
proc coffeetimes {{who1 parker} {who2 jameson}} {magick annotate [img-coffeetimes 0] 12 40 90 black [wrap [upper $who1 gets $who2 a giant ass-fuck coffee] 12] Impact.ttf}
|
||
proc samsnake {} {ncock 1}
|
||
proc rand_aim {} {lindex_random [join [mapx $::aim_dicts x {set ::$x}]]}
|
||
proc STfartcloud {} { join {{ ,--. ,-. } { ( ` ). } {(' , , ; } { ,- ,} { ; ' ' ,)} { '( , ) } { '-' '--' }} \n}
|
||
proc goofy {} {return " .\n \\ | /\n _\\|/_\n .' ' ' '. ___\n _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.\n .'.'|| | ||`----'\"` ``'`\n .'.' ||()|()||\n.___..-'.' / \\\n`----'\"` / .-. \\\n (.'.(___).'.)\n `.__.-.__.'\n jgs |_| |_|\n `.`-'.'\n `\"`\n"}
|
||
proc circle2 txt {regsub -all "\x0f" [aflip [join [map [seq 10 1] {l {. [string repeat " " [fibonacci [expr int($l / 1.2)]]] [subst $txt]}}] \n]] ""}
|
||
proc twatu args {twat [upper [join $args]]}
|
||
proc niggerboy {} {return "get up late, [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity], [niggerboy_activity]... Who says they dont work hard?"}
|
||
proc negrowater {} {. " ______ NEGRO SPORES EMBEDDED IN \n .-'' ____ ''-. WATERMELON -- FERTILIZATION\n/.-=\"\" \"\"=__\\_________ IN FECES \n|-===wwwwww|\\ , , , , , /| \n\\'-=,,____,,\\\\ ` ' ` ' // LET ME IN ON THIS\n '-..______..\\'._____.'/\n `'-----'`"}
|
||
proc movieplotfor {{who {}}} {set w [name $who]; . "\"[ucwords [talking_word_for $w]][sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1982 [rand 26]]) tells the story of $w ([celebrity]) growing up in [choose [country] [state] [city]], coping with [talking_word_for $w], [talking_word_for $w], and [talking_word_for $w]."}
|
||
proc acrofind c {set o "";if {[lsearch $c [array name ::acronym]] > -1} {return $c} {foreach n [array names ::acronym] {if {[regexp ^$c $n]} {lappend o $n}};return $o}}
|
||
proc _fml {} {. I have nothing to say so hear some internet loser fanfiction instead.}
|
||
proc NP {} { alert [. [flatten [pwget {Current Song:</td><td class="streamdata">(.+?)</td></tr></table>} http://irc.gangnet.org:8000]] [^C]8@[^C]0 http://irc.gangnet.org:8000/radio] }
|
||
proc c_d {} celeb_drudge
|
||
proc cswasti {} {return " \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n "}
|
||
proc swingleboner {} {return [rainboner [rand 50] swingler]}
|
||
proc niggername2 {{who {}}} {join [map [split [name $who] {}] {c {. [regsub {^(.)} [lindex_random [lfilter [subst {[string toupper $c]*}] [choose {$::niggermen} {$::niggerwomen}]]] "\002\\1\002"]}}] " "}
|
||
proc aristocrats {} {return "A family goes into an agent's office and the [relative] says, \"Have I got a show for you.\"\nFirst, the [relative] starts fingering the [relative]'s [body_part]. Then the [relative] licks the [relative]'s [body_part], causing [fluid] to shoot at the [relative]. It ends with the [relative] [sex_act] everyone.\n\"Wow,\" the agent says. \"What do you call your act?\"\n\"The [adjective] [marginalize]s!\""}
|
||
proc hzu2 {{word niggers}} {set rest [string range $word 1 end]; . [bt $rest]\n \n[bt `[string repeat - [- [string length $rest] 1]]> [string index $word 0]]}
|
||
proc breatharian {} {. "Brooks explains that the \"[goon_food]\" from [fastfood] possesses a special \"[shakti_word]\" and that he thus recommends it as occasional food for beginning breatharians. He then goes on to reveal that the secret of [goon_food] is \"[shakti_word]\"."}
|
||
proc acrodel {c i} {set ::acronym($c) [lsubtract $::acronym($c) [list [lindex $::acronym($c) $i]]];return}
|
||
proc Winkie3 {{who Winkie}} {. "<[name $who]> have you ever [lindex_random $::cookin_verb_word]ed [lindex_random $::drug_dict]? \002ON WEED!?";}
|
||
proc jnzburga {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; anyburga $who [random_word] [sex_act] [random_word]}
|
||
proc Winkie4 {{who Winkie}} {. "<[name $who]> have you ever [lindex_random $::cat_dict]ed KITTIES? \002ON WEED!?";}
|
||
proc bgr {{col {}} str} {if {$col eq ""} {set col [lindex_random {02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15}]}; subst [string map {08 {$col}} [text goldchar $str]]}
|
||
proc blackjack_dealer_loop {} { set o "The Dealer "; set r "HITS"; while {$r=="HITS"} { set r [blackjack_dealer]; set o "$o\n $r"; }; return $o; }
|
||
proc caller {} {if {[info level] < 2} return else {lrange [map [seq [uplevel {info level}] 1] [& info level]] 1 end}}
|
||
proc explain2 {{str {}}} {if {$str eq ""} {set str [name]}; return "[string toupper [rainbow $str]][hacker ", in ten words or more explain why [name] is a home. You have two kalles. Any deviation from my penis will garner you a swift [lol yiff]."]"}
|
||
proc srsagenda:event {} { subst [lindex_random $::srsagenda] }
|
||
proc replace_chars {arr str} { join [map1 [split $str ""] {replace_exact $arr}] "" }
|
||
proc ltweet who {twitter $who 1}
|
||
proc bgt args {text gaychar [join $args]}
|
||
proc aimfill args {aim -n [aimname $args] [fill]}
|
||
proc atan2 {y x} {expr $y / ((($x * $x) + ($y * $y)) + $x)}
|
||
proc atags {} { lsort [array names ::audio_tagged] }
|
||
proc bif {val true false} { if {$val == 0 || $val == ""} {return $false} {return $true} }
|
||
proc {unknown:3:cmd/14(.+?)$/} {match cmd args} {string map [apply list {white [last $match]}] [14words]}
|
||
proc superbowl {} {return "[upper "the [ethnic_group] have won the super bowl"]! There's gonna be [crw_word] in the streets of [city] tonight, John."}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+?)weather$/} {match cmd args} {urweather [last $match]}
|
||
proc nosuchproc {} {return "error: invalid command name \"nosuchproc\""}
|
||
proc jizzcum args {jizzcum-acr [adjective_fill [noun_fill [verb_fill [join $args " "]]]]}
|
||
proc bonermania {} {return " [string toupper [lol "B O N E R M A N I A"]]\n ___ ___ _ __ ~ C====8\n / / \\(/\\---/\\ `,:``,---------+--.\n | | \\ \\ / \\_; . _ | |~~~~~~~\n \\___\\___/-(Y / / -----: ----/\\)'--`\n \"/ / : / / 8====D ~ .\n (_(_)=====( Y )===D:< : / / '\n \"\" \" : ( Y)\n +~ c===8 \"\""}
|
||
proc tomcate {} {. java bake. no tomcate.}
|
||
proc balance addr {. [expr [wget https://blockchain.info/q/addressbalance/$addr] * 0.00000001] BTC}
|
||
proc not_aim args { regsub ".aim" [eval aim $args] ".aim:not" }
|
||
proc hellogenerate {} {return "^- See how much text I generated"}
|
||
proc asd {} {. "OMG ASD! I heard about your fishtank. Is your [fish_word] ok??"}
|
||
proc ulf2 {} {. \ SUK\nTHIS\n\ \ |\n\ \\|/\n[ncock 3]}
|
||
proc rainjews {} {rainbow [jews]}
|
||
proc okeyrap {} {realokeysay "always slangin / just can't stop [word ang$]in\nb nice / else i crank up the [word ice$]\nstill kappin / u kno i'm just [word (?:ap|app)$]in"}
|
||
proc gaymid {{str {}}} {if {str eq ""} set {str [gudrow_word]}; rainbow [pyramid $str]}
|
||
proc pumpkin {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [goons]}; stampsay -s pumpkin $fart}
|
||
proc lastfm:updateLastTrack {html now} {set user [lastfm:user $html]; set trackid [lastfm:trackid $html]; if {$trackid == [lastfm:lasttrack $user]} { return 0 } { lastfm:setlasttrack $user $trackid; if [lastfm:isListening $html] { return 0 } { lastfm:setlasttime $user $now }}}
|
||
proc urratio nick {twitteratio [twatname $nick]}
|
||
proc twintowers {} {draw {1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111 1111001111}}
|
||
proc randtweet args {tail 1 [@$args#[expr 1 + [rand 50]]]}
|
||
proc aimlert {{who octalc0de}} {aim -n $who [alert]}
|
||
proc bis args {force_image [urldecode [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {imgurl\\x3d(http://.*?)\\x26} [6~http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=[urlencode [join $args "+"]]]]]]}
|
||
proc STdeadcat2 {} {return " /\\/\\\n /x.x \\\n \\_^__/\\_\n | , \\\n (_(_,____|\n"}
|
||
proc art {{X 20} {Y 20}} {set out {}; for {set y 0} {$y < $Y} {incr y} {for {set x 0} {$x < [expr $X*2]} {incr x} {append out "\x03[expr round(rand()*15)],[format "%0.2d" [expr round(rand()*15)]][rand_ascii_letter]"}; append out "\n"};. $out}
|
||
proc ask args {stampsay -s geordrzej [urbandictionary $args]}
|
||
proc asl {} {choose [randwithfloor 13 25]/[choose M F]/[choose [state] [city]] [string tolower [randwithfloor 13 25]/[choose M F]/[choose [state] [city]]]}
|
||
proc wtccockjet {{stamp cockjet}} {ajoin "[^C] " \n[rain [stampsay -s $stamp [choose {ALLUH ACKBAR} {MASELTOV}]]] " " [building1] " " [building1]}
|
||
proc ukip args usa
|
||
proc sinewave_sm word { join [map [seq 1 10] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * sin(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] $word }}] \n }
|
||
proc rucascomic {} {. [dominotree] [fatgoon_finale]}
|
||
proc new_rss rssfeed { join [map [new_rss_data $rssfeed] {{x} {. [first $x] - [second $x]}}] \n }
|
||
proc malcom {} {goonsay plz feel free to contribute to my iphone botnet}
|
||
proc haioh {} {return "HAI-OHHH[string repeat H [rand 25]]"}
|
||
proc moiravision2 url { http://magick.buttes.org/abez/magick.rb?[? cmd scheme id "(let ((x (image $url)) (mv (dissolve x - .25 .25 -50 0))) (crop mv 0 0 (- (width mv) 50) (height mv)))"] }
|
||
proc QQ {} {. cry some more}
|
||
proc ate {} {. You ate :D\nAters: 1}
|
||
proc bj_handd {} { return [blackjack_print_player dealer]; }
|
||
proc can args {. no}
|
||
proc pegasamsay args {urlsay http://sopercorp.com/dumb/pegasam.jpg [join $args]}
|
||
proc verb_scrape str {loffset [regexp -all -inline {!([a-z])} $str] 1 2}
|
||
proc aimacro args { set n [aimname $args];aim -n $n [randacro $n]}
|
||
proc cap {{who {}}} {return " __,_____ __ [color red].`, .\n / __.==--\" 8===/..\\[color red]===D[color] POP POP U DEAD, [string toupper [join [name $who]]]\n/#(-' \\_O/ [color red]`. \n`-'"}
|
||
proc zerocool {} {spamof wet {{mess with the } {best, die like} {the rest!!!}}}
|
||
proc imageshack {} { subst [lindex_random $::imageshack] }
|
||
proc timeline:img {} { join { { TIMELINE OF HISTORY} { Birth of The Big } { John McCain Bang NOW} { -|--------------|---------------|------------------------------|-} { ^} { |} { YOU ARE HERE}} \n}
|
||
proc pebkac {} {return "around pebkax, give birth to blax"}
|
||
proc ati {} {rainbow [pyramid "ati sux "]}
|
||
proc car l {lindex $l 0}
|
||
proc ass {} {return "what comes from a tcl ass? A shit proc!"}
|
||
proc mymyspace {} {return "this is my myspace [nimplink [myspace_url]]"}
|
||
proc cat {} {. This just in: [string toupper "[buttes_cat] is [bold][?? $::cat_dict][bold]"]. More at [?? [seq 5 11]].}
|
||
proc chineespeak thing {return "[string map {"r" "l" "l" "r" "L" "R" "R" "L"} $thing]"}
|
||
proc ccc {name {str {}}} { if {[info exists ::canvas($name)] == 0} {set ::canvas($name) ""}; if {$str == ""} {return $::canvas($name)} {set ::canvas($name) $str} }
|
||
proc oregon_trail_died {{name {}}} {return "[name $name] has died of [lindex_random $::oregon_trail_disease_dict]"}
|
||
proc Ok {} {rainb [okeysay useless use of Ok detected]}
|
||
proc annoyrolloffle {} {. "vxp: let me tell you all about [annoyrolloffle_word]"}
|
||
proc child_porn {} fakecp
|
||
proc gooks {} {chinkerize [names]}
|
||
proc STranch {} {join {{ .----.} { | |} { |____|} { |____|} { ; ;} { .' /\ '.} { / .------. \ } {; | Hidden | ;} {i | Valley | i} {i | RANCH | i} {i `--------' i} { \ /} { `.______.'}} \n}
|
||
proc chickenf {{whodat {}}} {return "$whodat, keep fucking that chicken!"}
|
||
proc dickvolume {} {ajoin " " [ncock [rand 7]] "\n\nWHAT IS THE VOLUME\n OF THIS DICK\n [upper [name]]"}
|
||
proc rain2 args {join [lrain [lines $args]] \n}
|
||
proc fathead_chins_say args { ajoin " " [fathead_chins [rand 9]] "\n\/\n" [hardwrap [join $args " "] 30] }
|
||
proc flaps? {} {bgbt "[llength [names]] FLAPS"}
|
||
proc nordrap {} {return "[nordsay [niggerphrase]]"}
|
||
proc cut2 {{buttes {}} {who {}}} {"if {$buttes eq ""} {set buttes [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$buttes> dude $who if u dont fucken stop runnin ur mouth about my girlfriend im gonanf ucken slice your eyes"}
|
||
proc delgate args {. [car [info level 1]]:[car $args] [cdr $args] }
|
||
proc nuremberg {} {return "[german "i never committed that [crime], it was the [ethnic_group] all along!"]"}
|
||
proc mibbit ident {set ip [list]; foreach dildo [regexp -all -inline {[a-f0-9][a-f0-9]} $ident] {lappend ip [scan $dildo %x]}; join $ip {.}}
|
||
proc add_historical_poop {type datestring} {set pooptime [clock scan $datestring]; set nick [nick]; lappend ::poophistory($nick) $pooptime; lappend ::poophistory($nick) $::lastpoop($nick); set ::poophistory($nick) [lsort $::poophistory($nick)]; set ::pooptype($nick$pooptime) $type; set ::lastpoop($nick) [last $::poophistory($nick)]}
|
||
proc _pooptypeget {nick time} { cadr [array get ::pooptype "$nick$time"] }
|
||
proc buttesmovie {{fag {}}} {return "[bt [name $fag]: the movie]\n \n[bt starring]\n \n[bt [actor]]"}
|
||
proc magick_scheme args { ~http://magick.buttes.org/abez/magick.rb?[? cmd scheme id [join $args]] }
|
||
proc mandeltest {} { set out {}; for {set e 1.1} {$e > -1.2} {set e [expr {$e - $::mandel1}]} {for {set b -2.0} {$b < 1.0} {set b [expr {$b + $::mandel2}]; append out [expr {($b > 1) ? "\n":[. [^C][rnscale 15 $h 126],[rnscale 15 $h 126]X]}]} {for {set r 0; set n 0; set h 127} {[expr {$r*$r+$n*$n}] < 4 && [incr h -1] > 32} {set d $r; set r [expr {$r*$r-$n*$n+$b}]; set n [expr {2*$d*$n+$e}]} {}; }; }; return $out; }
|
||
proc +quote args {set result [regexp -inline {^<(@| |\+)*(.+?)> (.+?)$} [join ${args}]]; if {[llength $result] > 0} {set who [lindex $result 2]; set what [lindex $result 3]} else {set who [lindex $args 0]; set what [lrange $args 1 end]};if {[info exists ::phrases($who)] == 0} {set ::phrases($who) [list]};, ::phrases($who) $what}
|
||
proc cbt {str {fg 13} {bg 14}} {regsub -all " " [regsub -all [invert " "] [bt $str] "\x03$fg,$fg%\x03"] "\x03$bg,$bg \x03"}
|
||
proc fedroulette_empty {} { return [expr $::fedroulette_current_chamber >= $::fedroulette_n_chambers] }
|
||
proc set-union {a b} { remove-duplicates [concat $a $b] }
|
||
proc master_clear i { array unset ::mastermind $i }
|
||
proc bll args {bristollookup $args}
|
||
proc chatzilla__ {} {return \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ O\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _.-_\n\ \ PUNTME\ RIDES\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ <|\\\ \ \ __.'\ \ o\ \"-.\n\ CHATZILLA\ INTO\ \ \ \ ___/---\"\"\ \ \ \ \ \ \ ,,,'\ \ Grrr\n\ \ \ \ BATTLE\ \ \ \ __--\"\ \ \ L\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ __\ ^^\;\n\ \ \ \ \ \ ____--\"\"\ \ ___\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _-\\\"\ \ \ `\"\"\n\ \ -===-------\"\"\"\ \ \ \"(\ \ \ __-\"\ \ ,\}\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ .'_/\"\\\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ .'/\"\ \ `\\`._\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \"-_c\ \ \ \ \"\ \ '}
|
||
proc letmeinonthis {} {smega {pick 1 {concat " /!\\ ERROR Lost connection to BOS"} 1 {concat "Previous error was fatal. Reloading bot..."} 4 {concat "Alert: AIM server reports rate limit hit. Message queue emptied."}}}
|
||
proc chucknorris {} {subst [lindex_random $::chucknorris_dict]}
|
||
proc irix {} { mega say "NO ONE CARES" }
|
||
proc helpwanted {} {return "I need a good [job] in the [city] area...know any [ethnic_group] or anything?"}
|
||
proc go:black {} {uchar 263b}
|
||
proc vats {} {return "[bodypart]: [rand 100]%. [bodypart]: [rand 100]%. [bodypart]: [rand 100]%."}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/mroach_/ args {. mroach_: tcl}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+?)naughtylist$/} {match args} { naughtylist__ [last $match] [bif [second $args] [second $args] 5] }
|
||
proc unchinkerize args {return "[string map [map $::chinkmap {{n m} {. $m $n}}] [join $args]]"}
|
||
proc today_fml {} { string map [list Today [?? $::fml_today_words]] [fml] }
|
||
proc recacro word {set chars [split [string tolower $word] {}]; set words "$word [acrochars [lrange $chars 1 end]]"; if {[lindex $chars 1] eq "n"} {set words "${word}'s not [join [lrange $words 2 end] " "]"} elseif {[lindex $chars 1] eq "i"} {set words "${word} isn't [join [lrange $words 2 end] " "]"}; acroformat $words}
|
||
proc ifconcat {cond head tail} {if $cond {return [concat $head $tail]} {return $tail}}
|
||
proc recipe {} {. "5 kilos of human fat are mixed with 10 liters of water and 500 or 1,000 grams of caustic soda. All this is boiled 2 or 3 hours and then cooled. The soap floats to the surface while the water and other sediment remain at the bottom. A bit of salt and soda is added to this mixture. Then fresh water is added and the mixture again boiled 2 or 3 hours. After having cooled, the soap is poured into molds."}
|
||
proc patch {} {return "you have to parse the cat root slash dev etcetera file for eth0 and pugle the forward identity-locking rehooliginator and symlink it to the libgc perl humongisooler module after a kernel decompile and basic repatch update."}
|
||
proc avi {} {. <avi> ugh I need some [choose [crw_word] Poutine]}
|
||
proc bmi {lb in} {set bmi [bmi_calc $lb $in]; if {$bmi < 18.5} {. "$bmi. Eat a sandwich you fucking twink."} elseif {$bmi < 25} { . "$bmi. Good for you, [faglame]!"} elseif {$bmi < 30} {. "$bmi. You fat fuck, cut down on the [choose fried "deep fried" candied] [goon_food]."} else { . "$bmi -- HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU PATHETIC FUCKER."}}
|
||
proc bonzo {} {. "<@bonzo> fatgoon makes me feel so good about myself"}
|
||
proc image-grids url {magick composite $url [magick_id http://churchturing.org/x/grids-overlay.png] 0 0}
|
||
proc aimf_odinesque args {aimify odinesque $args}
|
||
proc ccs {arga argb argc argd} {. "[color $arga on $argb][join [times [expr $argc +1] {$argd}]]"}
|
||
proc chess:history boardName {uplevel 1 set $boardName\(history)}
|
||
proc cunt {} {. Josh}
|
||
proc charity {} {return "the Society [choose "of" "for"] [string totitle [adjective]] [string totitle [ethnic_group]]"}
|
||
proc hi5party {} {smega {string map [list [nick] [name]] [hi5 [name]]} 20}
|
||
proc cgobble {{idiot {}}} {return " .-.\n .;;;;. ( ^_> @=====8 *Gobble Gobble*\n <;<; \\;>\\ S T O P\n<;<; '-.>) \\ being such a\n<;<; <'=. | COCK GOBBLER\n <;<; '- / [name $idiot]\n <;,\\.\\--'`\n `==`=="}
|
||
proc youtube_comic {} {ajoin " " [youtube_comic_frame] [youtube_comic_frame]}
|
||
proc if_you_like {{thing coffee}} {. If you like $thing, why not try:\n- More $thing\n- Harder $thing\n- [capitalize $thing] every day\n}
|
||
proc buttesweather {} {return "[string totitle [buttesroom]], Buttesnet (BUTT) [rand 99]-[rand 99]N [rand 99]-[rand 99]W 0M\n[string totitle [weather1]] [weatherword]: [string totitle [weathercondition]] [maybe_measure]\n[string totitle [weather1]] [weatherword]: [string totitle [weathercondition]] [maybe_measure]\n[string totitle [weather1]] [weatherword]: [string totitle [weathercondition]] [maybe_measure]"}
|
||
proc who_levels {} {return "\n1 No new reports of animal viruses infecting humans\n2 Animal virus known to have infected humans.\n3 Sporadic outbreaks but no sustained human-to-human infection.\n4 Community-level human-to-human outbreaks. Significant increased risk of pandemic.\n5 Human-to-human outbreaks in two countries. Pandemic imminent.\n6 Human-to-human outbreaks in at least three countries. Pandemic under way"}
|
||
proc niggerfullname {} {. [niggername] [waspsurname]}
|
||
proc UK {} {. #2}
|
||
proc bt2 args {set str [join $args]; bigtext2 $str}
|
||
proc STanime {} {ncock 5}
|
||
proc askee {} {more_php {. $::coolcontest}}
|
||
proc cdr l {lrange $l 1 end}
|
||
proc dennisagenda {} {regsub -all {( WITH\s+)[^\n]+(\n|$)} [string map {{APPLE STORE} CB2 GAY DENNIS} [gayagenda]] {\1SAM\2}}
|
||
proc trace:add {proc {tracer calls}} {tracer%${tracer}_init $proc; trace add execution $proc enterstep "tracer%${tracer} $proc"; trace add execution $proc leavestep "tracer%${tracer}_l $proc"}
|
||
proc train_engine {} {?? $::loco_dict}
|
||
proc moirafu {} { ajoin "" [fu] [STmoirahead] [flip [fu]] }
|
||
proc memegenerator args {sm $args}
|
||
proc insulting_verb {} {lindex_random $::insulting_dict}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/dsp/ args {error "Winkie: this bot sucks"}
|
||
proc stream {width height} {if {$width < 1 || $height < 1 || $height > 20 || $width > 40} {error "GO PEE INTO THE SEA"}; set stream [list]; for {set y 0} {$y < $height} {incr y} {set x [expr {int(sqrt($width*$y))}]; lappend stream [string repeat " " $x].}; join $stream \n}
|
||
proc googleporn {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; set str [regsub -all " " [strip_u [fetish_porn]] "+"]; return "$who: http://images.google.com/images?q=$str&imgsz=xxlarge";}
|
||
proc SThep args {apply STmexi $args}
|
||
proc goons {} {goonsay [?? [twits2 goons_txt]]}
|
||
proc acroformat args {set words [join $args]; set word [join [mapx $words w {string index $w 0}] ""]; return "[bold][string toupper $word][bold]: [regsub -all "(^| )(.)" [capitalize [join $words " "]] "\\1[bold]\\2[bold]"]"}
|
||
proc axe args {niggerize [apply ask $args]}
|
||
proc sayiran args {set wstring "";set wstring2 ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=([string length $args]+6) } {incr i} {append wstring "_"; append wstring2 " "}; return "[color green on green]$wstring\n[color white on red] \* [name $args] \n[color red on red]$wstring2"}
|
||
proc STfagosaurus {} { join { { . | \ _ } { \"_| |-| |__/ | RAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR} { /\_- _ __\/ } { ____/\-' / \ / \'-/\_o-_ } { '-_ \ \ / / _-" } { """--------/ / | /-_____<_ } { / / | \ "-" } { '---' '---' }} \n}
|
||
proc bnp {} {return "[bold][eval color [next_in_list {{white on blue} {blue} {red}}]]VOTE BNP"}
|
||
proc mystic {} {lindex_random $::mystic_dict}
|
||
proc aimfish args {eval [lindex_random $::aimpranks] $args}
|
||
proc perl {} {return "my \$[underscore [random_word]] = s/[phpize [smile]]/[phpize [smile]]/m;"}
|
||
proc aimf_alley args {aimify alley $args}
|
||
proc cga args {set ret ""; foreach char [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {if {$char eq ","} {set char ",,"}; append ret [color_n [cga_colours]]$char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc weatherword {} { subst [lindex_random $::weatherwords] }
|
||
proc macro:scale args {set scalef ${::scalef}; each [lines [join $args]] {l {set l2 [regsub -all {([^,0-9])} ${l} [string repeat {\1} [uplevel {. $scalef}]]]; . ${l2}\n${l2}}}}
|
||
proc jewcanoe {} { jews }
|
||
proc bj_help {} { return [blackjack_instructions]; }
|
||
proc mccain_advice {} {string map {relationship\ +\ sex election girlfriend party\ official} [andrzej_advice]}
|
||
proc remval {list name} { set i [lsearch $list $name]; lreplace $list $i [ $i 1] }
|
||
proc go:whitepiece {} { uchar 25eF }
|
||
proc crime {} {lindex_random $::crimes}
|
||
proc europe {} { . "Don't have much to report on Europe. It's still Europe. Been Europe for a long time. Likely to remain so." }
|
||
proc swedes? {} {set i 0;foreach swede $::swedes { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $swede [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i swedes}
|
||
proc neccomid {} {return [pyramid yiff\ ]}
|
||
proc batman {} {return "batman.bat is a batch file with a binary bytecode"}
|
||
proc XD {} xd
|
||
proc d_a {} {return "<@darren> [subst [?? $::d_as]]"}
|
||
proc doletest {} {if {[info exists ::doletest([nick])] && [clock seconds] >= $::doletest([nick])} {set ::doletest([nick]) [clock scan "4 weeks"]; dole} {. Wait blah blah calc wait here}}
|
||
proc rss_parse_feed xml {set items [list]; foreach {item body} [regexp -all -inline {<item>(.*?)</item>} $xml] {set content [rss_parse_item $body]; lappend items [lindex $content 0] [lindex $content 1]}; return $items}
|
||
proc r000t_txt {} {?? [twits2 rootworx];}
|
||
proc chb {a b} {. [^C]$a,$b[uhb]}
|
||
proc randsubst args {eval [lindex_random $args]}
|
||
proc 4chan {} {set src [http get http://boards.4chan.org/b/];. [html [last [regexp -inline {<blockquote>(.+?)</blockquote>} $src]]]}
|
||
proc corydoctorow {} {return "<[name]> [hotbutton]\n<CoryDoctorow> haha"}
|
||
proc pycamid {} {return [pyramid pyc\ \ ]}
|
||
proc patents {} {return "patents are [lindex_random {rokkin awesome cool kewl kawaii ^__^ sweet swedish}]"}
|
||
proc jizzcum-acr str {set out $str; map $::alphalist {x {set out [string map "[string toupper $x] [^B][^_][string toupper $x][^O]" $out]}}; . $out }
|
||
proc replace_exact {list str} {foreach {a b} $list {array set r [list $a $b]};foreach n [array names r] {if {$n eq $str} {return $r($n)}};return $str}
|
||
proc blackjack_get_score p { return [lindex [array get ::blackjack_score $p] 1];}
|
||
proc weirdbible {} {return "[waspfirstname] [rand 50]:[rand 20] \"[choose [biblical "[theo], [theo]"] [biblical [albot]] [biblical "[theo], [albot]"]]\""}
|
||
proc roffles size {for {set i 1} {$i<=$size} {incr i} {rainbow "gay"};}
|
||
proc procon {} {pick 1 {return "pro"} 1 {return "anti"}}
|
||
proc arnt_even_funny arg {. $arg i swear everything that comes after your nick is just worthless to read\nyou arent even funny}
|
||
proc box what {set lines [split $what \n]; set top_edge ".-[string repeat - [maxstringlength $lines]]-."; set side_edge [join [string repeat "| " [llength $lines]] \n]; return $top_edge\n[ajoin "[^O] " $side_edge $what $side_edge]\n[string map {. '} $top_edge]}
|
||
proc magick_center_rotate {img rl} { magick_center_rotate_scheme $img $rl }
|
||
proc ftalk args {talk [eval $args]}
|
||
proc audiotube url {. [http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/scripts/audioutil.pl?c=youtube&v=[urlencode $url]]}
|
||
proc talkpiss args {return "u know wtf is so funny about [default $args [?? [names]]] he loves talk about something he knows fuckall about this is why he is called mr talkpiss moahahaha"}
|
||
proc rails {} {. "Does it scale?" [checkbox no no]}
|
||
proc german_death_sentence {} {return " [join [split [david] "\n"] " \n "] HAPPY [string toupper [jewliday]]"}
|
||
proc rainb str {join [blrain [lrange [lines $str] 0 9]] \n}
|
||
proc spacecow {{who {}}} { return " i--i \2ATTN [upper [name $who]] ITS TIME\2\n (=((oo)) / \2TO GET HIGH AND WASTED\2\n /(+((__) \n * ||=--|| \n ''' ''' ";}
|
||
proc bra {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: what kind of bra are you wearing?"}
|
||
proc bpt args {bgr 13 $args}
|
||
proc isgd args {last [http get http://is.gd/create.php?format=simple&url=[urlescape $args]]}
|
||
proc go:render_board gboard {go:render_markup_board [go:map_board_xywhp $gboard go:markup_atom]}
|
||
proc skifree args {subst [?? $::skifree]}
|
||
proc racecar {} {. "Drive the new [bold]2009 [car_brand] [slur]!"}
|
||
proc buttes_pennysaver {} {set t [dprk_all]; set total [llength $t]; set elist ""; for {set i 3} {$i < $total && $i < [expr 2*16-3]} {incr i; incr i} { append elist [lindex $t $i];append elist "\n"}; box [string map $::dprk_to_buttes $elist]}
|
||
proc aim911 args {aim -n [aimname $args] [911]}
|
||
proc goatsedrink {} {return "<@captain_goatse> when drinking i always confuse [random_word] and [random_word]"}
|
||
proc giuliani_flag {} {join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [big911]] [nsplit [bt 9/11]]]] "\n"}
|
||
proc zulufullname {} {return "[zuluname] [zuluname]"}
|
||
proc rbl_time_seconds {} {expr {[clock seconds]-int(rand()*([clock seconds]-1086105600))}}
|
||
proc jerkcity {} {regsub -all {\.(\W|$)} [string toupper [?? [lines [cwget http://cesspool.net/jerkcity/jerkcity.txt]]]] {\1}}
|
||
proc chr c {scan $c %c x; set x}
|
||
proc add_custom_unicode_char {char args} {set "::unicodedescriptivenametable([uc [join $args]])" {}; set "::unicodedescriptivenametable([uc [join $args]])" "$char" }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(po{3,}p)$/} {matches cmd args} {s/poop/[last $matches]/ [poop]}
|
||
proc chu args { return "Chu helps forward the legalization of pot by $args"}
|
||
proc leedo {} {urfm leedo}
|
||
proc lionsex {} {string map {{_______@/oO\@} {@@@@@@@@ -o @ (Roar)} {\ __} {\ @/oO\@} { -o} { @@@@} { ^ ^} {vvvv} {Cow Sex} {Lion Sex} {Here's The Beef} {Who sleeps tonight?} {W---} {----}} [cowsex]}
|
||
proc albible {} {return "[string trim [randbible] \"]. [biblical [albot]]\""}
|
||
proc icedcoffee? args {apply coffee? $args}
|
||
proc {[A} {} ^
|
||
proc STspade {} { return " /\\ \n / \\ \n (_/\\_) \n /\\ ";}
|
||
proc chekbox args {set out ""; foreach item $args { set a " \x02\x03\x34/\n\x02\[\x03\x34\\/\x03] $item\n \n"; if {[rpick {1 0}] == 1} { set a [regsub -all {(\\|/)} $a { }] }; append out $a }; . $out }
|
||
proc count_kalles {} {return "[llength [lfilter *kalle* [string tolower [names]]]] kalles"}
|
||
proc dag {} {. [color white on red][underline][^B] "Dag "}
|
||
proc fixbot args {if {$args eq ""} {set args [islam_word]}; . [upper [kill_verb] those who [choose do\ not refuse\ to lack\ the\ will\ to neglect\ to ignore\ cries\ to] fix bot]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)time$/} {matches cmd args} {
|
||
if {[lsearch -exact [string tolower [names]] [string tolower [last $matches]]] > 0} {
|
||
eval "[last $matches]time²"
|
||
} else {
|
||
wolfram:time [{s/_/ /g} [last $matches]]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc spankbank:withdraw {} {lindex_random $::spankbank}
|
||
proc adjective_fill str {set out $str; map [adjective_scrape $out] {x {set out [regsub "%$x" $out [string totitle [adj $x]]]}}; . $out }
|
||
proc azz {} {return "you mean raz"}
|
||
proc buster {} {biggaytext @MACRO\ BUSTER@}
|
||
proc craigslist {} {return "[craigslist_word] ([location_word] [direction_word])"}
|
||
proc brr {} { colorize [bt brr] 2 }
|
||
proc plotdeg form {wget http://a.minivanmegafun.com/plot/plotnew.py?formula=[urlencode $form]}
|
||
proc image-cash url { magick_overlay $url http://imgur.com/HRDPg.png }
|
||
proc hicarmen {} {. [spoiler "attn: stopmakingsense \007 "]\n[ajoin " " [cswas] "\n\n[bt hi carmen]" [cswas]]}
|
||
proc go:whboard gb { lrange $gb 1 3 }
|
||
proc euphoric {{z {my own}}} {. "In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing, but because, I am enlightened by $z intelligence" }
|
||
proc swede_name {} {return "[swede_first_name] [swede_last_name]"}
|
||
proc STgirlgoon {} { string map [list O [color red]8[color] \[ ( \] ) __________ ___[color fuchsia](>o<)[color]__] [STgoon]}
|
||
proc devtoon1 {} {return "[upper [?? $::thosedevfuckers]]\n ( ( .--. [upper [?? $::usdevfolks]]\n \\ \\/ . __\n /\\ \\ : /..\\\n / / /_ : \\O_/\n (_(___\\ [upper [?? $::ourdevshit]]"}
|
||
proc aimstinker2 args {aim -n [aimname $args] "Can I tinker with your stinker?"}
|
||
proc btc {{currency usd}} {coin btc $currency;}
|
||
proc devtoon2 {} {. " / ___\n / / - - [string toupper [thosedevfuckers]]\n \\ C >\n _)' _( .' \n __/ |_/ \" *. o\n /` \\_\\ \\/ %`= '_ .\n / ) \\/| .^'*. __\n/' /- o/ - \" % /..\\ [string toupper [usdevfolks]]\n\\ \\ / o \\_O/\n"}
|
||
proc unichar args { eval "uchar $args" }
|
||
proc split_on_formatting str {set ret [list]; while {[string length $str]} {regexp {^(((\d{0,2})(,(\d{0,2}))?)?||||)?([^]*)(.*)} $str {} f {} {} {} {} t r; if {$f eq ""} {set f }; lappend ret $f $t; set str $r}; return $ret}
|
||
proc niggeraddress {} {return "[string tolower [string map {" " "" "'" ""} [niggername]]].[choose johnson jackson jenkins [string tolower [muslim_firstname]]]@[string map {" " "" "'" "" "-" ""} [string tolower [niggerword]][tld]]"}
|
||
proc master_stats {} { set o ""; foreach n [array names ::mastermind_stats] { set g [master_games_played $n]; if { $g > 0 } { set o [strcat $o "[fixnick $n]: $g games played with average score of [master_average $n]\n"] } }; return $o }
|
||
proc devtoon3 {} {ajoin "" [upper [thosedevfuckers]]\n[omgdude] "\n\n\n\n\n / \n - \n \\ \n" \n\n\n[phpfartcloud] \n\n[upper [[choose usdevfolks ourdevshit]]]\n[flip [omg]]}
|
||
proc dan {} {. \1DCC\1}
|
||
proc devtoon4 {} {. "[upper [thosedevfuckers]]\n __,_____ __ [color red].`, .\n / __.==--\" 8===/..\\[color red]===D[color]\n/#(-' \\_O/ [color red]`. \n`-'\n [upper [[choose usdevfolks ourdevshit]]]"}
|
||
proc urtemp nick {set w $::myweather($nick); . "[upper $w]: [regsub -all {[-+]?[0-9]*\.?[0-9]+ F } [temperature $w] {} ]"}
|
||
proc triangle {} {return "/_\\"}
|
||
proc submitdrudge args { http post http://drudgereport.com/cgi-bin/fastfeedback.cgi Send SUBMIT body [join $args]; return [rainbow "[join $args " "]\nMESSAGE RECEIVED... WILL CONSIDER AND INVESTIGATE..."]; }
|
||
proc sexpart {} {lindex_random $::sexparts}
|
||
proc promiscuous_aim {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [rand_aim]}; aim -n $who [join [strip_all [sexy $who]]]}
|
||
proc STmohammed {} {return " [color 8]. .[color]\n [color 8]\\;/[color]\n [color 8]..[color 7]*[color 8]`.[color]\n / [color 8]\\[color]\n ../\n ,d8888d.\n 88888888_\n /` .`\\\n/ ' _.-' \\\n| `'_{}_ |\n| /` `\\ |\n \\/ \\ / \\/\n /| ([color 4]o[color])([color 4]o[color]) |\\\n \\| __>_ |/\n |\\/VvvV\\/|\n | `^^^^` |\n \\ ~~ /\n `.____.`\n"}
|
||
proc stevebama {} {return "[stevenote]...just words?"}
|
||
proc marketcap symbol {array set info [first [stock_info $symbol]]; . $info(name) mkt cap: $info(market_cap)}
|
||
proc bickering_swedes {} {stampsay -s vikingboat I DIDNT EVEN [string toupper [swede_act_word]] [string toupper [swede_word]]}
|
||
proc exprbin expr { eval procbin [lrange [lsearch -all -inline -regexp [info proc] $expr] 0 200] }
|
||
proc steveball args {. [nick] asks: $args\nSteve's reply: $args\n[8ball]\nSteve\n \nSent from my iPhone}
|
||
proc nice_names {} {return "[join [lrange [names] 0 end-1] ", "] and [lindex [names] end]"}
|
||
proc psiox args {. [or [join $args] [random_word]] is a positivist myth-meme}
|
||
proc bud {} {choose [onehug] [fml]}
|
||
proc shooter {} {return "Missing [drink], reward offered, send all responses to Shooters Drive By.... .Vroom Rat-a-tat-tat"}
|
||
proc rcookie {} {return $::rcookie}
|
||
proc scheme {} {set code "#\\newline#t#f?????"; foreach i [seq 1 5] {set code "([furry_verb] $code)"} ; return $code}
|
||
proc paste {cmd args} {if {[catch [concat $cmd $args] val] == 1} {error $val} {lindex [regexp -inline {<a href="(.*?)">} [http post http://ossfans.org/paste paste $val function new .submit {Create paste}]] 1}}
|
||
proc andrzej_recipe {} {. "<andrzej> I want to share with you a traditional Wojcieszynski family recipe from the old country. You'll need 12 ounces of [?? $::goon_liquidfood], 3 packages of [?? $::goon_solidfood] and some [polish_food]. We made it when Poland was occupied by [political_word] [country_name]. [mmm]"}
|
||
proc saqstory args {if {$args eq ""} {set fag "saq"} else {set fag $args}; return [truestory $fag]\n[truestory $fag]\nfgt\ perl\ 'tcl\ saqstory\ $fag'}
|
||
proc moremacs? {} {set aapl [stock aapl]; if {[regexp {\+\d} $aapl dummy]} {wet yes} else {wet of course}}
|
||
proc day {} {choose Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday}
|
||
proc oldtwat {user old} { unescape_html_entities [html [lindex [regsub -all {&} [regexp -inline {<text>(.*?)</text>} [wget http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/[twatname $user].xml?count=$old]] &] 1]] }
|
||
proc kanyefy url {. http://kanyelicio.us/$url}
|
||
proc aimf_seinlords args {aimify seinlords $args}
|
||
proc snakebanner args {return " __\n/..\\____[string repeat _ [string length [join $args]]]____/\\\n\\O [join $args] /"}
|
||
proc STabezface {} { join {{ .======. } { /( (((( )\ } { ((/ \)) \)) } { ((/`_______()) } { /`-[ .] [. ]'\ } { \_ _\ _/ } { \ .__, / } { \ `-' / } { /`----'\ } {.-"""`------'`""-.}} \n}
|
||
proc wi_flag {} {?? $::wi_flag_dict}
|
||
proc negrolump who {return "[negromg] [lump $who]"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^cmd(s?)(:\/\/(?:.*?)\/(.*))/} {matches cmd args} {
|
||
set url http[lindex $matches 1][lindex $matches 2]
|
||
set command [lindex $matches 3]
|
||
call_remote_command $url $command $args {}
|
||
}
|
||
proc liberal_media {} { return [choose [?? $::liberal_newspaper] [?? $::liberal_tv] [?? $::liberal_website]]}
|
||
proc karafinger {} {return "<@Karabiner> I fingered [acquaintance] (relax, she's older than me \[don't ask])"}
|
||
proc ddb {} {regsub "^(.-{25})(-{25})" [box [embed [canvas 75 16] [wrap [arabnews] 75] 2 2]] "\\1\[\x1f \002D\002AILY \002D\002ARREN \002B\002ULLETIN \x1f\]"}
|
||
proc caliology {} {pick 1 {. PUNTME PICKS FRUIT} 10 {. !caliology tcl caliology*}}
|
||
proc _poopseconds nick { return [map [cdr [lreverse [szip $::poophistory($nick) [lsort -real [cdr $::poophistory($nick)]]]]] {{x} {expr ([snd $x] - [fst $x])}}] }
|
||
proc faggotpride {} {return " \n FAGGOT PRIDE \n NETWORK WIDE \n \n irc.buttes.org \n "}
|
||
proc saudisheiksusingdumpingpricestohaveitheircompetitiondepletetheirmuchmorelimitedresources args usa
|
||
proc magicmissile {{who {}}} {. " __ \n /..\\ MAGIC MISSILE\n .\\_O/ U DEAD, [string toupper [join [name $who]]]\n / \'._ __\n / \\__.\'=. [color blue]8====[color]/..\\[color blue]===D[color]\n / ._/| \\_o/\n \'. \'\\ \n \"/ / \n / / \n \'_\'"}
|
||
proc leoncam {} moiracam
|
||
proc ancientchinesesecret {} {return "[smega { chinee [mystery] }]"}
|
||
proc ddg args {return "http://duckduckgo.wikipaste.eu/?u=$args Results by BING sorted by YAHOO"}
|
||
proc tttt {} { set obs(1) 1; return $obs(1) }
|
||
proc symbolab_ expr { jsget http://irc.gangnet.org/symbofag.php?a=[urlencode $expr] }
|
||
proc nordsay {{args {}}} {goonsay [norway [join $args]]}
|
||
proc ^B {} {return "\x02"}
|
||
proc wexit {} emowinkie
|
||
proc ifyoulike {{args cocks}} {set dicks [join $args]; return "If you like $dicks, why not try...\n* More $dicks\n* Larger $dicks\n* Suck $dicks every day"}
|
||
proc ^C {} { return "\x03" }
|
||
proc lambda2 {body arglist args} {
|
||
set name [sha1 $body];
|
||
proc $name $arglist $body;
|
||
if {$args == ""} {$name} else {$name $args};
|
||
rename $name {};
|
||
}
|
||
proc bwb str {set out ""; set info [bitcoin brain $str]; set balance [balance [first $info]]; if {[first $balance] > 0} {append out [^C]09}; append out "$balance - [first $info] - $str"; . $out}
|
||
proc shscfit {} {stampsay -s penguin [eval [string map {ww_item shsc_word wearing sitting\ in\ front\ of watchandweight SH/SC} [info body hypnofit]]]}
|
||
proc musicgoon {} { goonsay "I don't know about you, but the only true music is [lindex_random $::subgenre]-[lindex_random $::genre]. I have a [expr 2+int(rand() * 5)]-watt [lindex_random $::opamp_dict] Headphone Op Amp just for this. [fatgoon_finale]." }
|
||
proc a+ {{who radeon}} {join [format $::aplus_lines $who] \n}
|
||
proc big_w/e {} {ajoin " " [sdraw {0 0 11111 00001 00001}] [bt (] [sdraw {00100 001}] [bt ~`\;)] [sdraw {0 0 11111000000 1 1}] [bt w/e]}
|
||
proc tiny711 {} {. [uchar 2708 20 F8FF]}
|
||
proc samid-gen url {. (let ((im (image [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url 0 0 250 240])) (bg (image [img-samid 0])) ) (composite (composite bg im 122 56) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc gayagenda:event {} { subst [lindex_random $::gayagenda] }
|
||
proc aimpanties2 args {aim -n [aimname $args] What kind of panties are you wearing? [rands]}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^vxp:(.*)/ {matches cmd args} { . i [hate_word] hate [last $matches] }
|
||
proc tracer%tree {proc args} {set call [first [join $args]]; lappend ::ttree_${proc} $call [apply incr [. "::ttpos_${proc}"]]}
|
||
proc skynet {} {. Whatbot: tcl}
|
||
proc unknown_fuzzy_normalize str {regsub -all {[_:-]+} [string tolower $str] {}}
|
||
proc image-gunrange args {gunrange_scheme [or $args [cdr [randtag]]]}
|
||
proc STokey {} { return " ______ \n /_\\/\\/_\\ \n ( \[.\]_\[.\]__ \n (_____o---,_)"; }
|
||
proc bj_score {} { return "[nick] has \$ [blackjack_get_score [nick]]"; }
|
||
proc {e
|
||
} {} {return [e/n]}
|
||
proc maingoal args {return "The main goal for a guy in life is [join $args] and if he can't, for a variety of reasons, it's logical to blame women."}
|
||
proc STsandworm {} { join $::sandworm \n }
|
||
proc ddr {} {return "By the way, I've seen you play DDR in real life. You didnt know I was a goon, but I was there. Watching. Waiting. Planing."}
|
||
proc documentation {} {return "http://www.tcl.tk/doc/ you [faglame] [sexpart] licking [ethnic_group]"}
|
||
proc rkelly {} {ajoin " " [crop [peeinto " "] 0 0 15 5] [catbus_girlfriend]}
|
||
proc gentooo {{n1 {}} {n2 {}}} {if {$n1 eq ""} {set n1 [name]}; if {$n2 eq ""} {set n2 [name]}; return "<$n1> $n2 use my own os? i do USE my own os, you dont, you use one someone else made for you, your entire OS is binary, fucking idiot, and i getting a sound card that isnt supported by linux whatsoever to work for half the time is alot more usefulness outta my os than you could ever amount to"}
|
||
proc lookup2 {key asslist} {
|
||
# looks up a key in an associative list.
|
||
# example: lookup2 key2 {key1 val1 key2 val2} returns val2
|
||
foreach {k v} $asslist {if {$k == $key} {return $v}}
|
||
}
|
||
proc escape_glob glob {string map [list \[ \\\[ * \\* ? \\? \\ \\\\] $glob}
|
||
proc ^O {} {return "\x0f"}
|
||
proc k&m {} {return "Send in mroach and kalleboo!\nhttp://stuff.gbsfm.info/hm-ketai3.jpg"}
|
||
proc jive s {niggerize $s}
|
||
proc aimdobernala name {aimify dobernala $name}
|
||
proc bwo {{fag {}}} {return "Today on the [name $fag] show: [apply [?? {gay_word crw_word}] {}] exposed!"}
|
||
proc fatty {} {return "I like to eat [food_word], [food_word], [food_word] and [food_word], all topped off with heaps of [topping]."}
|
||
proc goondiet {} {goonsay [capitalize [food_word]], [subst [string repeat {[food_word], } 9]] and some [food_word]. I did really good yesterday. [mmm] Follow my progress at [failure]!}
|
||
proc whisper stuff { set ret "pspsssssspssgirlshitspsssstpspsstssdidyouknow${stuff}omgpsssspsssssst"; return $ret;}
|
||
proc oprah {} {heynot @oprah [string range [fatgoonwebq] 0 132]}
|
||
proc whilst {} {. <sam> I can't help but roll my eyes every time I read the word \"[random_word].\" I know it's common in [country] [language] but it's just so [word tatious$].}
|
||
proc pubmeasure2 num {publish [. [subst [string repeat {[randmeasure10]\n} [expr {int($num)}]]]]}
|
||
proc kana {} {bgbt "3 inch clit"}
|
||
proc ^U {} {. \x1f;}
|
||
proc applyN_ {n f x} {eval [string range "[string repeat "\[$f " $n]$x[string repeat {]} $n]" 1 end-1]}
|
||
proc fatwa {} {. [islam [faglame] [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]s! [koran] [arabic]!]}
|
||
proc hellotrollreply args {return "HAHA YHBT HAND"}
|
||
proc strangefruit {} {return " _|\n /XX\\ \n \\_O/\n _==_\n/ \\"}
|
||
proc mccain_slogan {} {set uw [getnuniq 3 mccain_word]; upper "[choose "[lindex $uw 0] is born of [lindex $uw 1]" "[join $uw .\ ]" "[mccain_word] we can believe in"]."}
|
||
proc col {this that} {color $this on $that}
|
||
proc dfl {s d} {if {$s eq ""} {return $d} else {return $s}}
|
||
proc evenize str { if {[expr [llength [nlsplit [trim $str]]] % 2] != 0} {. [trim $str]\n[last [nlsplit [trim $str]]]} {return $str} }
|
||
proc buttes_sign {} {box "/!\\ CAUTION /!\\\n[string toupper [channel]] AHEAD\nPOTENTIAL HAZARDS INCLUDE:\n[crw_word]\n[gay_word]\n[crw_word]\n[gay_word]\n[crw_word]"}
|
||
proc dev {{who {}}} { return "[string toupper [name $who]]: GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE? I WAS ONE OF THE EARLIEST HACKERS IN THE 1980S. I KNEW KEVIN MITNICK. PHONE PHREAKING IS AS SECONDARY TO ME AS SKULLFUCKING YOUR DAUGHTER. I'M GOING TO KEEP CALLING YOUR HOUSE, OVER AND OVER, AND THE PHONE COMPANY WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TRACE THE CALL. YOU'RE GOING DOWN." }
|
||
proc lumia {} tehdely
|
||
proc bye name {. "bye $name!!!!!!"}
|
||
proc chess:format boardName {
|
||
# render current board into a well-readable string
|
||
upvar 1 $boardName board
|
||
foreach row {8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1} {
|
||
foreach column {A B C D E F G H} {
|
||
append res " " $board($column$row)
|
||
}
|
||
append res \n
|
||
}
|
||
set res
|
||
}
|
||
proc tunt args {apply fu $args}
|
||
proc oddlist l {set o [list]; foreach {e odd} $l {lappend o $odd;}; return $o}
|
||
proc vs_battle arg { ajoin "" "[amirror $arg]" "\n\n VS. " $arg; }
|
||
proc tooley {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who no offense or nothing but 1 day id love to fuken walk up to and ounch your binrat in so much ur head would be poping out of ur arse,downy."}
|
||
proc msword {} {I am Microsoft Word. I have a long WYSIWYG interface that causes people to pay more attention to layout and format than content. If you don't repost this comment to at least 10 people on your Microsoft Office Communicator contacts list, I will slink into your Sharepoint folder tonight and make a mess of your quarterly reports. }
|
||
proc getcoindata:cryptocoincharts {coin currency} {set data [jsget http://irc.gangnet.org/crypto.php?a=[lower $coin]&b=[lower $currency]]; if {[_dict_get $data id] == "null"} {return "null"} else {return $data}}
|
||
proc cor {} {return "BLIMEY"}
|
||
proc ^_ {} {return }
|
||
proc c2 {a b} {ajoin " " [bgr "" $a] [bgr "" $b]}
|
||
proc bzb {} {embed [shrink [img2asc http://i.imgur.com/sPctehc.png]] [fg bzb] 7 29}
|
||
proc c3 {str1 str2 str3} {join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str1]] [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str2]] [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str3]]]] \n}
|
||
proc c4 {str1 str2 str3 str4} {join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str1]] [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str2]] [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str3]] [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] $str4]]]] \n}
|
||
proc c5 {str1 str2 str3} {bgc2 [rrand_color] [rrand_color] [rrand_color] $str1 $str2 $str3}
|
||
proc request {} {return "[act_word] my [body_part]"}
|
||
proc dprk_all {} {regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.nk-news.net/newsfeed/nk-news_eng.xml]}
|
||
proc rndtcl_proc {} {set ret [lindex_random [info procs]]; do_times [rand 3] {lappend ret [rndtcl_expression 1]}; join $ret}
|
||
proc permute string {join [map [knuth_shuffle_permute [string length $string]] [& string index $string]] {}}
|
||
proc itdy {} {set answer [lindex [regex -inline {id="answer">(.*?)</p} [http://www.isthatcherdeadyet.co.uk]] 1]; trim [strip_html $answer]}
|
||
proc go:place_piece {x y c} { go:render_board [go:set_current_game [go:set [go:current_game] $x $y $c]] }
|
||
proc cox {} {return "After 2.6.9-ac its clear that the long 2.6.9 process worked very badly. While 2.6.10 is looking much better its long period meant the allegedly \"official\" base kernel was a complete pile of [fetish_porn] for months. That doesn't hurt most vendor users but it does hurt those trying to do stuff on the base kernels very badly."}
|
||
proc ubuntu_release {} {return "Thank you for your interest in Ubuntu [rand 20].0[rand 9] - the [ubuntu_version]."}
|
||
proc palin_israel {} {. Israel is a stinking corpse and should be wiped off the face of the earth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fa09zEyB2Q}
|
||
proc chineechat {} {string map {.. -- BUTTES CHINEE L R R L} [butteschat]}
|
||
proc delgex:sam {} sam
|
||
proc sa_thread_url threadid {return "http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=$threadid"}
|
||
proc quote_get db {set db [string tolower $db]; if [info exists ::quotes($db)] {return [lindex $::quotes($db) [expr {int(rand()*[llength $::quotes($db)])}]]} {error "DB \"$db\" does not exist"}}
|
||
proc abez_word {} {lindex_random $::abez_word}
|
||
proc BUSTER {} { return [rainbow "@@@ [lindex_random {PROC MACRO MEXICAN GOOK}] BUSTER @@@"]; }
|
||
proc catbus_word {} {lindex_random $::catbus_word}
|
||
proc r000t args { goonsay When some $args got all pissed that I would say such a thing, I said "Shut your face or I'll packet flood your modem"}
|
||
proc moiraethnics {} {return "<@moira> doesn't [string tolower [country_name]] have a large [string tolower [singleethnic]] population?"}
|
||
proc isnt {{who {}}} { return "Isn't [name $who] some fat Mexican?"}
|
||
proc v%blog {m {c {}}} { putserv "PRIVMSG $c :\[[clock format [clock seconds] -format {%H:%M:%S}]\] ${m}"; }
|
||
proc realwrap:processtoken {token s} { string range $token 0 [decr $s] }
|
||
proc string'reverse' {str idx} {if {$idx > 0} {. [string'reverse' $str [expr $idx - 1]] [string range $str $idx 1]}}
|
||
proc lispy {} { stampsay -s lispmonster [lispquote] }
|
||
proc smegaslots {} {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega {smega slots}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
|
||
proc die {} {embed [embed [embed [wrap [string repeat [names] 18] 120] [colorize [fg {DIE DIE DIE}] 4] 14 5] [seal_ends [ascii nazi2]] 14 12] [regsub -all "\n" [wrap [. "I HATE EVERY SINGE ONE OF YOUFKCING WORTHLES CUNTS I HOPE YOU AL SUFER YOUR OWN PRESONAL UFCIKNIG HOLOCAUST FOR FUCKTS SASKE EVERY BJSUT LEA EME ALONE nobody ever tries to understand me\x03" 1] 22] "\n"] 42 12}
|
||
proc ebooks {} {. Mount as webdav: http://honorboner.com/ebooks u: butans / p: unusualundertakings}
|
||
proc sandpenguin {} {penguin [[?? "[info procs islam_*] islam"]]}
|
||
proc STmexicat2 {} {join [map [split [STmexicat] \n] {{l1 l2} {set colour [next_in_list $::mexico_colours]; . "\003$colour$l1\n\003$colour$l2\n"}}] \n}
|
||
proc array_to_list array_name {upvar $array_name array; set ret [list]; foreach {key value} [array get array] {lappend ret [concat $key $value]}; return $ret}
|
||
proc bbq-gen {} {. eat shit and die}
|
||
proc buttesonfilm {} {return "\"[format [lindex_random [list "Return of the %s" "%s: the Movie" "%s II: Attack of the Killer %s"]] [capitalize [butte_word]] [capitalize [butte_word]]]\", starring [celebrity] as [string totitle [name]] the [string totitle [unplural [ethnic_group]]] and [celebrity] as [string totitle [name]] the [string totitle [faglame]]"}
|
||
proc d8 {} {return {Did you mean: D8}}
|
||
proc f00f {} {giga crash}
|
||
proc stretch str {set stretched ""; foreach c [split $str {}] {append stretched [join [lrepeat $c [expr [rand 25]+1]] ""]}; return $stretched}
|
||
proc hipposay {{fart {}}} {stampsay -s cow $fart}
|
||
proc dune4christ {} { smega {aimf_dune [raim christian]} }
|
||
proc itft {} {last [regexp -inline {So, Basically, It's Like (.*?)\.} [http://itsthisforthat.com/api.php?text]]}
|
||
proc buttes_cat_or_other {{cat {}}} {if {$cat eq ""} {return [?? $::buttes_cat_dict]} {return $cat}}
|
||
proc twitteratio username {format %0.2f [expr [join [lreverse [twitteratio:counts $username]].0 /]]}
|
||
proc sineseq {n a i} { m [seq 1 [/r $n $i]] {x { expr $a*sin($x*$i)}} { } }
|
||
proc bigpoop {} {smega poop 2}
|
||
proc dil {{who {}}} {. [ string map { \\u003c < \\u003e > } [->tr [^ 4 $who] ] ] "\n" [ string map { \\u003c < \\u003e > } [->tr [^ 3 $who] ] ] "\n" [ string map { \\u003c < \\u003e > } [->tr [^ 6 $who] ]] "\n" [ string map { \\u003c < \\u003e > } [->tr [^ 2 $who] ] ] "\n" [ string map { \\u003c < \\u003e > } [->tr [^ 1 $who] ] ]}
|
||
proc vertigo2 {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> If I workedfor UPS, I'd have the pimpest truck around. I'd be running 22 inch spinners, hydraulic suspensions, police headlights, yellow windows and chain steering wheel. Hell yeah!"}
|
||
proc okeys? {} {bgbt [expr [llength [lfilter *okey* [names]]] ] okeys}
|
||
proc omg2.0 {} {. "∞\nO"}
|
||
proc _m {list block {sep { }}} { join [map $list $block] $sep }
|
||
proc cumdad args { set ::tmsg [translate "" [rpick $::tl] $::tmsg]; . [^C]04$::tmsg[^C] ([^C]08[translate "" en $::tmsg][^C]) }
|
||
proc tfrfit {} {eval [string map {watchandweight TFR ww_item lindex_random\ $::tfr_dict} [info body hypnofit]]}
|
||
proc sembed thing { set twidth [longest_line $thing]; aembed [strip_all [art [expr ($twidth/2)+4] [+ [ascii_height $thing] 2]]] $thing 4 2}
|
||
proc rocketcock {} {ajoin "" "\n[speedline 5]\n\n[speedline 4]\n\n[speedline 3]" [ncock 3]}
|
||
proc listnames {} {choose [name] "[name], [name]" "[name], [name], [name]" "[name], [name], [name], [name]"}
|
||
proc cliche_add {nick cliche} { array_, cliches [nickmap $nick] $cliche }
|
||
proc dis {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "sry im gettin in dis conversation but u know wat $who, u a nice big bitch and don u be dissin me u dum sht clown ill be waitin for u to reply cuz dis is rly fun, no rly i anit jokin i get bored when im on the net some times thx man"}
|
||
proc eak {{who {}}} { return "[name $who]: isn't popeye a giant faggot?"}
|
||
proc ripwinkie {} {string map {openssl {winkie } 98 85 14 16 OpenSSL Winkie} [openssl]}
|
||
proc python_err {} {. "IndentationError: unexpected indent" }
|
||
proc moiratv {} {moiravision [pt anime]}
|
||
proc lunch {} crappy_restaurant_word
|
||
proc urlencode2 str {
|
||
set chars [list]
|
||
foreach char [split $str {}] {
|
||
if [regexp -nocase {[-,%_a-z0-9]} $char] {
|
||
lappend chars $char
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend chars %[format %02X [scan $char %c]]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
join $chars {}
|
||
}
|
||
proc nicetits {} {. [gis tits birds] [arcade "nice tits!" pabom 6]}
|
||
proc eam {} {return "local [choose [marginalize] [faglame] [niggerword]] eam approves of the much-hated [undesirables]"}
|
||
proc serialkiller1 {} {return "The [capitalize "[faglame] [offender_type]"] of [englishtown]"}
|
||
proc STstorm {} { return " _{ }_ \n {. o,o .} \n {_(o)_} \n ,// \n {__} ";}
|
||
proc crw {{who {}}} {return "Hey [name $who], [channel] is a channel for guys into [color red][string toupper [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc serialkiller2 {} {return "The [englishtown] [capitalize "[offender_type]"]"}
|
||
proc frotboy {} {lolqdb 2546}
|
||
proc serialkiller3 {} {return "The [capitalize "[marginalize] [offender_type]"]"}
|
||
proc quitjob {} {return "Once I get my MCSE I'm saying goodbye to this [job] job!"}
|
||
proc pyramid str {set ret [list]; foreach i {1 3 5 7 9} {lappend ret [center [string repeat $str $i] [expr {[string_length_noctrl [strip_color $str]]*9}]]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc noun_fill str {set out $str; map [noun_scrape $out] {x {set out [regsub "#$x" $out [string totitle [noun $x]]]}}; . $out }
|
||
proc cry {} {return "why don't you cry about it?"}
|
||
proc serialkiller4 {} {return "The [capitalize "[faglame] [marginalize] [offender_type]"] of [englishtown]"}
|
||
proc jabon_aim {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [rand_aim]}; aim -n $who [jabon [capitalize $who]]}
|
||
proc g1 {} {wet gud 1}
|
||
proc ag {array key} {return [array get $array $key]}
|
||
proc menu_food_item_ {} {return "[string totitle [choose "" "[menu_food_prefix] " "[menu_food_prefix] "][butte_word][choose "" " [menu_food_suffix]" " [menu_food_suffix]"]]"}
|
||
proc tute {{who {}}} { . <tute> fucking [lindex_random $::fuck] @[name $who]}
|
||
proc getpump ascii {wget http://www.wepump.in/ascii/$ascii}
|
||
proc dkk {} {return "<@[choose eli marty]> I got shit to do mang"}
|
||
proc slot_credit {who amount} {set who [normalize_nick $who]; incr ::slot_stats(earned,$who) $amount}
|
||
proc sharks {} {. WHO LET THE SHARKS OUT ¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸/\¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯¯\(º_o)/¯ LOL NEW ORLEANS`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸¯\(º_o)/¯ LOL HOUSTON.·´¯`·.¸/\¸.·´¯`·.¯\(º_o)/¯ LOL HURRICANE RITA¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¯\(º_o)/¯ LOL HURRICANES¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸/\¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸/\¸.·´¯`·.¸¸}
|
||
proc bb {} img-bigblake
|
||
proc al args {Al $args}
|
||
proc strategygoon {} {. $::strategygoon}
|
||
proc rndtcl_return {} {return "return [rndtcl_expression 1]"}
|
||
proc moira_beer_review {} {. [berp] [?? [lrange [lines [strip_all [colin_white_show]]] 1 end-1]]}
|
||
proc lastlog {{n 10}} {lrange [last [log] [+ $n 1]] 0 [- $n 1] }
|
||
proc girlfriend {} {return [wt "my girlfriend"]}
|
||
proc 2l8 {} {biggaytext @RETSUB\ ORCAM@}
|
||
proc am {i rite} {return [lindex_random {"no fgt" "lol ya"}]}
|
||
proc f@ {} fat
|
||
proc jizz {} { . "some gay ass shit"}
|
||
proc twat args {apply heynotrick $args}
|
||
proc wordpref {word prefix} {
|
||
set word [string tolower $word]
|
||
set prefix [string tolower $prefix]
|
||
set vowels {"a" "e" "i" "o" "u" "y"}
|
||
set ind 255
|
||
|
||
|
||
foreach ch $vowels {
|
||
if {[string first $ch $word] < $ind && [string first $ch $word] > -1} {
|
||
set ind [string first $ch $word]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
if { $ind == 255 } { . $word }
|
||
set word [string range $word $ind [string length $word]]
|
||
for { set i 0 } { $i < 6 } { incr i } {
|
||
if { [string compare [string index $word 0] [lindex $vowels $i]] == 0 } {
|
||
set word [lindex $vowels $i][string range $word 1 [string length $word]]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
. ${prefix}${word}
|
||
}
|
||
proc bg args {set str [join $args]; bgb [rrand_color] [rrand_color] $str}
|
||
proc revisions {} {
|
||
set revision [rev_parse HEAD]
|
||
set revisions $revision
|
||
|
||
while true {
|
||
if {$revision eq ""} break
|
||
if [cache exists next_revision $revision] {
|
||
set revision [cache get next_revision $revision]
|
||
lappend revisions $revision
|
||
} else {
|
||
set commits [history ${revision}^]
|
||
if ![llength $commits] break
|
||
|
||
foreach commit [history ${revision}^] {
|
||
set next_revision [lindex $commit 0]
|
||
if {$next_revision ne ""} {
|
||
cache put next_revision $revision $next_revision
|
||
lappend revisions $next_revision
|
||
}
|
||
set revision $next_revision
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
set revisions
|
||
}
|
||
proc mojave {} {. "On [future_date], Microsoft will take [expr "round(1000*rand())"] [os] users and introduce them to our new [city] OS. Imagine their surprise when they find out it's [os]."}
|
||
proc biggoldsmile {} {set the_smile [smile]; while {[string length $the_smile] > 10} {set the_smile [smile]}; biggoldtext $the_smile}
|
||
proc bj {} bj_help
|
||
proc cb args { m [args] {x { m $x {x {. [^C]$x,$x#}} {} }} \n }
|
||
proc cum args { giga snow }
|
||
proc stripnumbers a { regsub -all {[0-9]} $a "" }
|
||
proc irclog_msg {{n 3}} { set ll [lrange [last [log] [+ 1 $n]] 0 [- $n 1]]; join [map $ll {{x} { . [lindex $x 3] }}] \n }
|
||
proc au args {tt "action update:" [join $args]}
|
||
proc bl {} btc_lind
|
||
proc cc {a b} {return "$a$b"}
|
||
proc pyragoon {} {set ret "" ; set width 30; lappend ret [center " __________ " $width]; lappend ret [center "(--\[ .\]-\[ .\]" $width]; lappend ret [center "( O )" $width] ; foreach i {11 13 15 17 19 21 23 25 27} {lappend ret [center "( [string repeat " " $i])" $width]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc onnotice args {if {[llength $args] > 0} {onnotice:push [join $args " "]}; . "http://www.shipbrook.com.nyud.net/onnotice/[html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<img src="(OnNotice.php\?id=\d*)"} [onnotice:post]] 1]]]#.jpg"}
|
||
proc h8 {{n 5}} {lselect_random {"h8" "h8h8"} $n}
|
||
proc cockrow {} {return " _ _ _ _ _\n /\\) /\\) /\\) /\\) /\\)\n / / / / / / / / / /\n( Y) ( Y) ( Y) ( Y) ( Y)\n \"\" \"\"COCK\"\"ROW \"\" \"\""}
|
||
proc ctz {} {return "<@ctz> [internetacro], i'm [ethnic_cleansing_verb]ing [faglame]s and eating [unplural [ethnic_group]]-[food_word]s with [political_word]s"}
|
||
proc pants_poopin {} {lmiot pants poopin [name]}
|
||
proc dna {{count 60}} {join [mapx [seq 1 $count] x {lindex_random {a c g t}}] {}}
|
||
proc does args {return "wtf no it doesn't"}
|
||
proc addphonenumber args {lappend ::phonenumber [join $args " "]; return "Number: [join $args " "] added";}
|
||
proc cut {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "ya whatever $who ur fuckin pathetic.If u r so fukin depressed and cutting is going to help than just fucking kill urself since ur so fucking depressed"}
|
||
proc rand_ascii {} { format "%c" [+ 1 [rand 254]] }
|
||
proc magick_overlay {a b} {magic:overlayurl $a $b}
|
||
proc gbs_pee {} {ajoin "" [pee3]\n[gay][center G 15] [pee3]\n[gay][center B 15] [pee3]\n[gay][center S 15] \n\n\n\n[string map {. '} [flip [omg]]]}
|
||
proc breakterm {} {return "•…I…AM…THE…FAGGOT…BREAKING…YOUR…TERM:…THE…FAGGOT…BREAKING…YOUR…TERM…IS…ME…•"}
|
||
proc bailey {} {return "woof"}
|
||
proc bt args { set str [join $args]; bigtext $str }
|
||
proc dnd {} { stampsay -s kkk "I am [opinion] [political_figure]'s \"[campaign]\" campaign!"; }
|
||
proc eed action {s/(\[pP\])oop/$action/gi [poop]}
|
||
proc cl {{url {}}} {string map {"<br>\n" ""} [. [color red on black][ctop $url] [color white on black][clook $url]]}
|
||
proc sunglassify string {string map [list {[ .]} [invert {[//]}]] $string}
|
||
proc {agenda__ kefka} args {pooped kefka}
|
||
proc dd num {. [lindex {DON'T DO} [expr $num % 2]]\n[format "http://www.viceland.com/int/dos_donts/%s/main.jpg" $num]\n[html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {'top' align='left'>(.*?)</td>} [http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=$num]] 3]]}
|
||
proc symbolab args { set r [regexp -inline -all {"entire_result" "(.+?)"} [symbolab_ [args]]]; set last {}; set r [loffset $r 1 2]; m $r {x { if { $x != $last} { set last $x; symbolab_fix [unescape_unicode $x] } }} \n }
|
||
proc sclub {} {. [gbt "S CLUUUUUUUUUUB"]\n \n[gbt "GONA SHOW U HOW"]}
|
||
proc cn args {set words [map1 $args "bgr {}"]; eval [concat [list ajoin " "] $words]}
|
||
proc findmp3 query {set url [last [split [first [lines [strip_all [google -inurl:(htm|html|php) intitle:"index of" +"last modified" +"parent directory" +description +size +(wma|mp3) "$query"]]]] { }]]; set out [list]; foreach match [regexp -inline -all {href="([^"]*mp3)"} [http get $url]] { lappend out [urlescape $url$match] }; join $out \n}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/14(.+?)$/} {match cmd args} {string map [apply list {white [last $match]}] [14words]}
|
||
proc portal {} { s/BUTTES/PORTAL/ [cbuttes]}
|
||
proc ircblog {{who {}}} {return "[color white on black][name $who], I see you're blogging on IRC. Would you like to:\n[color blue on black]Post a Comment [color white on black]| [color blue on black]Digg It [color white on black]| [color blue on black]Twitter [color white on black]| [color blue on black]Facebook [color white on black]| [color red on black]Shoot yourself, because nobody cares"}
|
||
proc analog {} {. [siren] [b] [cdown analog_freakout] [b] [siren]}
|
||
proc df {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> Filesystem Size Used Avail Capacity Mounted on\n<$who> /dev/ad4s1a 30G 5G 15G 16% /[fetish_porn]\n<$who> /dev/ad4s1b 30G 29G 566M 97% /[fetish_porn]\n<$who> /dev/ad4s1c 30G 27G 304M 91% /[fetish_porn]\n<$who> /dev/ad4s1d 30G 30G 123M 99% /[fetish_porn]"}
|
||
proc STdolla {} {draw {00100 01111 10100 01110 00101 11110 00100}}
|
||
proc conspiracy {} {return "Did you know in [expr {[rand 41]+1960}] [political_figure] met secretly with known [unplural [conspiracy_group]] members [political_figure] and [political_figure] in [country_name] for a bizzare, sexual \"[string totitle [sex_act]] [deity]\" ritual?"}
|
||
proc cp {} {
|
||
set age [choose "[expr {int(rand()*15)+1}] yo" "[expr {int(rand()*11)+1}] month old" "[expr {int(rand()*8)+1}] week old"];
|
||
set pedo "[expr {int(rand()*40)+60}] yo [lindex_random $::pedo_dict]";
|
||
set sexact [lindex_random $::sex_acts];
|
||
set ethnic [lindex_random $::sing_ethnic_group_dict];
|
||
set fetish [subst [lindex_random $::fetish_dict]];
|
||
set query [choose "$age $sexact a $pedo" "$age $ethnic $sexact a $pedo" "$pedo $sexact a $age" "$pedo $sexact a $age $ethnic" "$age $fetish porn"];
|
||
|
||
return [strip_u $query];
|
||
#set query [choose "[rand 15] yo [lindex_random $::sex_acts] a [lindex_random $::pedo_dict]" "[expr {int(rand()*40)+60}] year old and [expr {int(rand()*8)+1}] week old [lindex_random $::sing_ethnic_group_dict] [lindex_random $::fetish_dict]" "[expr {int(rand()*40)+60}]yo [lindex_random $::sex_acts] a [rand 15] yo [lindex_random $::sing_ethnic_group_dict]"];
|
||
#[celebrity]_[fetish_porn]_[gudrow_word]_[sex_act]_[food_word]_with_[name $who]_[goon_word]_and_[faglame]_[ethnic_group]
|
||
}
|
||
proc fm_station_name {} {. [?? {K W}][?? [seq A Z]][?? [seq A Z]][?? [seq A Z]]}
|
||
proc asciiartfart:id n {return [lindex [asciiartfarts:get_ids] [expr 2 * ($n - 1) + 1]].html}
|
||
proc dh {} { embed [fedoragoonsay [capital]] "DH" 15 7 }
|
||
proc zapanig_dict {} {lindex_random $::zapanig_dict}
|
||
proc paedopride {} { more http://churchturing.org/y/get-off-my-internets-you-sick-fucks.txt }
|
||
proc hugbox {{name {}}} {ajoin "" [flip [ncock 2]] \n\n\n[name $name] [ncock 2]}
|
||
proc cs {} {. [?? {{} Counter-}]Terrorists Win!}
|
||
proc revision revision {lindex [history $revision] 0}
|
||
proc pyncon {} {}
|
||
proc colorize {str c} {return "\x03[format %.2d $c][regsub -all \n [strip_color $str] \n\x03[format %.2d $c]]"}
|
||
proc eval_or args {set v {}; foreach x $args { set v [uplevel 1 $x]; if {$v!=0 && $v!="" && $v!={}} { return $v }}; return $v}
|
||
proc fruit {} {uchar f8ff}
|
||
proc dn args {string tolower [join $args]}
|
||
proc dog {} {. This just in: [string toupper "[?? $::buttes_dog_dict] is [bold][?? $::dog_dict][bold]."] More at [?? [seq 5 11]].}
|
||
proc eep args {. "\< $args \> i haven't wanted to eat pussy this bad EVER"}
|
||
proc shumagorath {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> I'm pretty safe with with my computing as it is: I have a massive password, Windows is always up to date, I'm probably going to move to Firefox soon and my wireless network is encrypted with 128-bit WEP with MAC filtering and will be upgraded to WPA in the near future."}
|
||
proc robocog args {set google_news [actual_news_test];set bbc_news [bbc_news_raw];set testotmp [list];set bbc_news_h [map [oddlist $bbc_news] {i {bold $i}}];set bbc_news_l [evens $bbc_news];set gnews_h [map [oddlist $google_news] {j {bold $j}}];set gnews_l [evens $google_news];foreach bh $bbc_news_h bl $bbc_news_l gh $gnews_h gl $gnews_l {lappend testotmp $bh $bl $gh $gl};columnize $testotmp}
|
||
proc moviefrot {} {string map {{growing up} frotting coping frotting personality frot} [movieplot]}
|
||
proc marginalize {} {lindex_random $::marginalize_dict}
|
||
proc 911 {} {lindex_random $::911questions}
|
||
proc aimf_randmeasure args {aimify randmeasure $args}
|
||
proc alpha_cjkthai args { alpha_replace ﾑ乃cd乇ｷgんﾉﾌズﾚﾶ刀oｱq尺丂ｲu√wﾒﾘ乙 [join $args] }
|
||
proc count_discrete l {
|
||
set out [list];
|
||
set l [lsort $l];
|
||
set last [fst $l];
|
||
set count 0;
|
||
foreach elm $l {
|
||
if {$last == $elm} {
|
||
set count [expr 1 + $count];
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend out [list $last $count];
|
||
set count 1
|
||
}
|
||
set last $elm
|
||
}
|
||
if {$count > 0} {
|
||
lappend out [list $last $count];
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc cx args {eval [concat {cn} [split [join $args \\] {}]]}
|
||
proc do script {let [list {} $script]}
|
||
proc rndtcl_variable {} {return "\$::[rndtcl_identifier]"}
|
||
proc eh {} {return [egghead]}
|
||
proc lindex_random_ne list {lindex $list [expr [expr [rand [llength $list]]/2]*2+1]}
|
||
proc jbsagenda_ {} { return "JBS AGENDA:\n 4:20 PM : SMOKE WEED" }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)back$/} {matches args} {set what [last $matches]; magick annotate [?? $::cutbackpix($what)] 12 77 13 black [join [lrange [split [wrap [join [cdr [strip_all $args]] " "] 20] "\n"] 0 4] "\n"] Chicago.ttf}
|
||
proc fixnstrip str { strip_html [fix_html_entities $str] }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^p(o{3,})p$/} {matches cmd args} {s/poop/$matches/ [poop]}
|
||
proc wale0 {} {strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp "i am a humpback wale. i live in the ocean. if you dont repost this comment to 10 other people on you tube, i'm going to dive in to your pool and displace all of the water"]}
|
||
proc restaurant {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: let me take you to a 5 star restaurant"}
|
||
proc nzip args {apply . [map [seq 0 [expr [apply max [map $args [& llength]]] - 1]] {index {map $args {list {lindex $list $index}}}}]}
|
||
proc lumps {} { subst [lindex_random $::lumps] }
|
||
proc du {} {bigtext DUKEKU\ UPDATE:}
|
||
proc onehitter {} {. [bold]Hey [name], [channel] is a channel for guys into [color green][bold][winkz]}
|
||
proc hamas {} {. hamas, hamas, juden auf der gas!}
|
||
proc funnypoliticaljoke {} {return "Q: What's [colour], is a [faglame], and thinks about [political_figure]? A: A [political_word] [unplural [ethnic_group]] from [country]!"}
|
||
proc asierpinksi n {
|
||
set o {}
|
||
for {set y 0} { $y < $n } {incr y} {
|
||
lappend o [string repeat " " [expr $n - $y]]
|
||
for {set x 0} { $x <= $y } {incr x} {
|
||
if {[expr ~$y&$x] >0} {lappend o " ."} {lappend o " ▲"}
|
||
}
|
||
lappend o "\n"
|
||
}
|
||
join $o ""
|
||
}
|
||
proc wschost arg {. http://willstclair.com/img/$arg}
|
||
proc trollcred {} { string map {TCL TROLLS} [levelup] }
|
||
proc strip_blank_lines str {set ret [list]; foreach line [split $str \n] {if ![regexp {^\s*$} $line] {lappend ret $line}}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc chess:reset {boardName {setup {}}} {
|
||
upvar 1 $boardName board
|
||
if {$setup == ""} {set setup "r n b q k b n r
|
||
p p p p p p p p
|
||
. . . . . . . .
|
||
. . . . . . . .
|
||
. . . . . . . .
|
||
. . . . . . . .
|
||
P P P P P P P P
|
||
R N B Q K B N R"
|
||
}
|
||
foreach line [split [string trim $setup] \n] y {8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1} {
|
||
foreach word $line x {A B C D E F G H} {
|
||
set board($x$y) $word
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
set board(toMove) white
|
||
set board(history) {} ;# start a new history...
|
||
}
|
||
proc crop_to_fit_and_resize {url {xoff 0} {yoff 0} {w 63} {h 79}} {magick_scheme "(resize [crop_to_fit-gen $url $xoff $yoff $w $h] $w $h)"}
|
||
proc egg {{what {}}} {if {$what eq ""} {set what [lindex_random [info procs ST*]]} {set what ST$what}; set stamp [eval $what]; set linecount [llength [split $stamp \n]]; ajoin " " $stamp "[string repeat \n [expr {$linecount-1}]][rainbow BY EGG]"}
|
||
proc en {} ->
|
||
proc dikky {{who {}}} {if {$who eq""} {set who [name]}; return "<$who> [dikky_word]"}
|
||
proc dx l { map [lreverse [szip [cdr [lreverse $l]] [lreverse [cdr $l]]]] {{x} {expr [fst $x] - [snd $x]}}}
|
||
proc popeye_word {} { subst [?? $::popeye_dict] }
|
||
proc cxr {cmd args} {set components [lrange [split $cmd {}] 1 end-1]; return [eval [join [list "c" [join $components "r \[c"] "r " $args [string repeat "\]" [expr [llength $components]-1]]] {}]]}
|
||
proc fg {str {font 4Max}} {figlet $str $font}
|
||
proc STmaple {} { return {
|
||
|\^/|
|
||
._|\| |/|_.
|
||
\ MAPLE /
|
||
<____ ____>
|
||
|
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc andrzejize url {magick blur [magick noise [magick dissolve $url - .25 .25 6 0]] 1 1}
|
||
proc eq {a b} { if {$a == $b} { return 1 } { return 0 }}
|
||
proc gaypyramid {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[gaybow [pyramid $who]]"}
|
||
proc degrees2cardinal d {
|
||
set n [expr int(((int($d)*4+45)%1440)/90.)]
|
||
switch $n {
|
||
0 { . "N" }
|
||
1 { . "NNE" }
|
||
2 { . "NE" }
|
||
3 { . "ENE" }
|
||
4 { . "E" }
|
||
5 { . "ESE" }
|
||
6 { . "SE" }
|
||
7 { . "SSE" }
|
||
8 { . "S" }
|
||
9 { . "SSW" }
|
||
10 { . "SW" }
|
||
11 { . "WSW" }
|
||
12 { . "W" }
|
||
13 { . "WNW" }
|
||
14 { . "NW" }
|
||
15 { . "NNW" }
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc dot {} { join $::hindudot \n }
|
||
proc _pooplast nick { cadr [array get ::lastpoop $nick] }
|
||
proc et args {subst [string map {* {[gay],[gay]*}} [strip_all [bgbt $args]]]}
|
||
proc phile {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]phile"}
|
||
proc gc args {set str [join $args]; set len [expr [llength $str]/2]; c [lrange $str 0 $len] [lrange $str [expr $len+1] end]}
|
||
proc chinegros {} { chinasay [niggerphrase]; }
|
||
proc ohgodcockslol {} {subst [lindex_random $::changingmeasures]}
|
||
proc lilnegro {} {return "#:O"}
|
||
proc hello_quiz {{who hello}} {return "$who are neocons for or against [random_word]?"}
|
||
proc gaypride_abuse {} {[gayflagify [unicode_abuse [ffw [cosinewaveembeddedaflipheartiezscroll]]]]}
|
||
proc dpp {pattern {max 100}} {dump_procs_pattern $pattern $max}
|
||
proc singleethnic {} {return [unplural [ethnic_group]]}
|
||
proc isstevedying? {} {wet yes}
|
||
proc gh {} btc
|
||
proc borky {{args {}}} {return "Fuck you [name $args]. I want to hear goon experiences. Stop destroying my threads."}
|
||
proc word_of_american_god args {set ret [list]; foreach z [n_arse 5 128] {lappend ret [format %c [expr $z + 32]]};join $ret}
|
||
proc scar_drudge_for_life {} {set wmds [macro slash]; quiet_drudge $wmds}
|
||
proc fr {} {pick 5 {} 1 {return "Just A Lil " } 1 {return "Red Hot " } 1 {return "Ice Cold "} 1 {return "Back In The Days Of "} 1 {return "Return Of The "} 1 {return "That's Slamming "} 1 {return "Some Nice "} 1 {return "Mega "} 1 {return "Free Me From The "} 1 {return "Tomorrow..."} 1 {return "Real Smooth "} 1 {return "You're My "}}
|
||
proc sucks args {?? [list "it sure does" "no YOU suck $args"]}
|
||
proc gj {} {bgt good job}
|
||
proc image-korea url { magick_overlay $url http://i.imgur.com/ZGejg.png }
|
||
proc hb args { m [args] {x { set ok [chunk $x 2]; m $ok {x {. [^C][first $x],[second $x]\u2584}} {} }} \n }
|
||
proc lindex_random_nz list {lindex $list [expr [rand [expr [llength $list]-1]]+1]}
|
||
proc fu args { ajoin "" [bt [join $args]] " /<2F><>/)\n ,/<2F> /\n / /\n /<2F><>/' '/<2F><><EFBFBD>`<60><>\n /'/ / / /<2F><>\\\n ('( <20> <20> <20>~/' ')\n \\ ' /\n '' \\ _.<2E><>\n \\ (\n \\ \\\n" }
|
||
proc phubuh args {if {[lindex $args 0] eq ""} {set no [lindex_random [list [random_word] [lindex_random [names]]]]} {set no [lindex $args 0]}; if {[lindex $args 1] eq ""} {set in [random_word]} {set in [lindex $args 1]}; return "no $no in $in chat pls"}
|
||
proc fetch_aotw name {if { [array get ::aotw [week_hash]] eq ""} {set ::aotw([week_hash]) [wget http://wepump.in/ascii/$name.txt]}}
|
||
proc fw args {set block [list {} [join $args]]; fullwidth_with_formatting [yield]}
|
||
proc 2mf {} tmf
|
||
proc go args {delegate $args}
|
||
proc vista {} {. [img-vista]; string map {pooped {released vista} Poopers Developers} [poop]}
|
||
proc pick args { set options [list]; foreach {value block} $args { do_times $value { lappend options $block } }; return [uplevel 1 [lindex_random $options]] }
|
||
proc lorem {{oi 10}} {return "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet [lselect_random $::lorem_dict $oi]"}
|
||
proc 2mh {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [strip_u [fetish_porn]]}; return "TWO MINUTES HATE: $who"}
|
||
proc lunix args {apply linux $args}
|
||
proc hh {} {. " These days balhblhablahblahblahblabh"}
|
||
proc bin2hex {bin {sep {\x}} {endian B}} { str2hex [bin2str $bin $sep $endian] }
|
||
proc blrain list {map1 $list {strcat [COLOR 1 [gay]]}}
|
||
proc drj {} {wt2 oonz oonz}
|
||
proc shrug {} {. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯}
|
||
proc sausage {{who {}}} {. $who would you like some sausage?}
|
||
proc kalleboo {{who funknut}} {return "<@$who> My penis smells like chees"}
|
||
proc hi {{who {}}} {return "hi [nname $who]"}
|
||
proc engimo2 {} fml
|
||
proc randart:inrange {nx ny w h} { if {[expr $nx < 0 || $ny < 0 || $nx >= $w || $ny >= $h]} { return 0; } {return 1;}}
|
||
proc oxfordjoin list {if {[llength $list]>2} {join "[lrange $list 0 end-1] \"and [lindex $list end]\"" ", "} else {join $list " and "}}
|
||
proc imgur_get_sid {} { last [regexp -inline {sid":"(.+?)"} [last [last [http get http://imgur.com/upload/start_session]]]] }
|
||
proc gs args {set results [gsuggest [join $args " "]]; if {$results != {}} {return $results} else {. [^C][rpick {04 08 09 11 10 13 06}]no swearing and colors are not allowed}}
|
||
proc apache {} { return "It works!" }
|
||
proc vb_fetch_threads {root forumid {pagenumber 1}} {set html [wget $root?forumid=$forumid&pagenumber=$pagenumber];set ret [list];foreach {match threadid title} [regexp -all -inline {<a .*?href="[^"]*showthread(?:.*?)threadid=(\d+)"[^>]*>([^<]+)</a>} $html] {lappend ret [list $threadid [html $title]]};return $ret}
|
||
proc ib {} {. {ice burn}}
|
||
proc abezfixssl {} {return "/!\\ ABEZ FIX SSL /!\\"}
|
||
proc aimhello args {aim -n [aimname $args] [HELLO]}
|
||
proc ajoin2 args { set b [lindex $args 0]; set args [lrange $args 1 [llength $args]]; set o ""; set nlines [maxlines $args]; set newline ""; set nl ""; foreach j $args { lappend nl [addspaces $nlines $j]; }; for {set i 0} { $i < $nlines } { incr i } { append o $newline; set d ""; foreach k $nl { append o "$d[lindex [split $k "\n"] $i]"; set d $b; }; set newline "\n"; }; return $o; }
|
||
proc alpha_paren args { alpha_replace ⒜⒝⒞⒟⒠⒡⒢⒣⒤⒥⒦⒧⒨⒩⒪⒫⒬⒭⒮⒯⒰⒱⒲⒳⒴⒵ [join $args] }
|
||
proc gayblock {x y} { rainbow [string repeat [string repeat ââ $x]\n $y] }
|
||
proc askmaru {} {maruback "Maru:\[ [capitalize [?? $::affirmative_statements]]. \]"}
|
||
proc wispurs {} {. when i was 11 years old i was on the stand at my grandfathers trial, and they showed pictures of my asshole and said it clearly had been assaulted.}
|
||
proc winkitten {{who Winkie}} {set catstr [. [lindex_random {{LOL} {OMG} {OHH} {}}] [lindex_random {{KITTIES} {KITTEN} {CATTES}}] [lindex_random {:D 8D 8)}]]; return "<[name $who]> $catstr"}
|
||
proc spoder {{max 10}} {center2 [each [seq 1 ${max}] {n {. [string totitle [numtostr ${n}]] little [randomword] went out to play,\nOn a [randomword]'s web one day.\nHe had ever so much fun,\nHe called for another [randomword] to come.\n}}]}
|
||
proc id {} {exec 'id'}
|
||
proc o/ {{args {[nick]}}} {swastisay $args}
|
||
proc catbus_girlfriend {} {join {{ .--"--. } { / \ } { / o o \ } {( ^ ,) } { \ __, /-._ } { `._____.' `--.__ } { \ / `/``"""'-. } { Y 7 / : } { | / | .--. : } { / /__ \/ `.__.:.____.-. } { / / / `"""`/ .-"..____.-. \ } { _.-' /_/ ( \-. \ } { `=----' `----------'""`-. \ `" }} {
|
||
}}
|
||
proc nattyism {} {. http://youtube.com/watch?v=[?? $::nattyism_list]}
|
||
proc xzibit {{noun car} {verb drive}} {upper "yo dawg i herd you like ${noun}s so i put a $noun in yo $verb so you can $verb while u $noun"}
|
||
proc isquare {symbol {begin {}} {middle { }} {min 0} {max 7}} {set retval ""; for {set i $max} {$i >= $min} {set i [expr $i - 1]} {set retval ${retval}${begin}; for {set j 0} {$j < [expr pow($i, 2)]} {incr j} { set retval ${retval}${middle}; }; set retval ${retval}${symbol}\n; }; return $retval}
|
||
proc unicornmob {} { more http://churchturing.org/x/unicorn }
|
||
proc shuffle_helper args {expr int(rand()*3)-1}
|
||
proc montspace2 name {return "<a href=\"http://www.montspace.com/$name\">http://www.myspace.com/$name</a>"}
|
||
proc disorder {} {return "[psych1] [psych2] [psych3]"}
|
||
proc uniq list {lsort -uniq $list}
|
||
proc miscjre {} { subst [lindex_random $::miscjre] }
|
||
proc jc {{num {}}} {if {$num == ""} {set num [rand 1 [~http://www.jerkcity.com/high.txt]]}; . http://www.jerkcity.com/jerkcity$num.gif\n[html [lindex [regexp -inline {<font size="-1".*?>(.*?)</td>} [wget http://www.jerkcity.com/jerkcity$num.html]] 1]]}
|
||
proc bfatscale {} {join [list { ^..^} { _||___(oo)____||_} { -||---"--"----||- I am bacon} { _||__( __ )___||_ Fatty} { -||---"--"----||-} { || ||}] \n}
|
||
proc reflectfun x {expr 2*($x%4==1) + ($x%2 + 1) % 2}
|
||
proc ncock size {set s [string repeat " " [expr {$size+1}]]; set glans "$s _ \n$s/\\)"; set balls "( Y)\n \"\" "; set shaft {}; for {set i 0} {$i < $size} {incr i} {lappend shaft "[string repeat " " [expr {$size-$i}]]/ /"}; if {$size==0} { return $glans\n$balls;} else { return $glans\n[join $shaft \n]\n$balls }}
|
||
proc advicedog {first second} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/neosoft.web.surftown.se/dev/advicedog/advicedog.php?line1=[urlencode $first]&line2=[urlencode $second]#.jpg}
|
||
proc saqdancemove {} {set saq [STsaq?]; pick 1 {flip $saq} 1 {set saq}}
|
||
proc poopers? {} {c [wget http://poopstat.us/count.yaws] poopers}
|
||
proc dry args {flip [wet $args]}
|
||
proc dsp {} { tcl . "<dsp> [welshword]\n<dsp> sorry, it's welsh slang" }
|
||
proc fap {} {wt2 "chatovsky is a retard"}
|
||
proc web2_name {} {lindex_random $::web2_list}
|
||
proc unit {a b} {return $a}
|
||
proc FUCKYOU2 {} {. [join [repeat 3 {?? [seq a z]}] {}].[join [repeat 5 {?? [seq a z]}] {}].[join [repeat 2 {?? [seq a z]}] {}] #[join [repeat 4 {?? [seq a z]}] {}]}
|
||
proc ateam {} {return "In 1972, an IRC channel was juped by abusive opers for a troll they didn't commit. These men promptly reconnected from a maximum security ssl port to irc.buttes.org. Today, still g-lined from every other network, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The [channel]-Team."}
|
||
proc ip {} {return "[rand 1 222].[rand 1 255].[rand 1 255].[rand 1 255]"}
|
||
proc hy {} {after 250 {return hy}; . lopl}
|
||
proc 8=D {} {return "8=D~~"}
|
||
proc computing_scam {} {. "[shsc_word] is the biggest scam ever foisted on the computing public. good fucking riddance."}
|
||
proc lquote {who {number 1}} { join [map [lreverse [top [lreverse $::phrases($who)] $number]] {x {. <@$who> $x}}] \n}
|
||
proc fullwidth args {set str [strip_color [join $args " "]]; set ret [list]; foreach ltr [split $str ""] {set dec [scan $ltr %c];if {$dec > 32 && $dec < 127} {lappend ret [unichar_dec [expr $dec + 65248]]} elseif {$dec == 32} {lappend ret [uchar 3000]} else {lappend ret $ltr}}; return [join $ret ""]}
|
||
proc unix {} {return "[unixcmd] ./[join [random_word] _][virusextension] | [join [mapx [seq 0 [rand 3]] x {unixcmd}] " | "] | [unixcmd] > [unixdev]"}
|
||
proc rescher {} {rainbow "\\[pick 1 {string repeat "_O/..\\" 10} 1 {string repeat "_O/--\\" 10}]\n/[pick 1 {string repeat "..\\_O/" 10} 1 {string repeat "--\\_O/" 10}]\n\\[pick 1 {string repeat "_O/..\\" 10} 1 {string repeat "_O/--\\" 10}]\n/[pick 1 {string repeat "..\\_O/" 10} 1 {string repeat "--\\_O/" 10}]"}
|
||
proc is args {. "No, YOU are $args"}
|
||
proc kill_self {} {return "On [day] [daypart], I will kill myself with [suicide], I have nothing else to live for, [choose "[celebrity]" "[political_figure]"] has betrayed me, [lastwords]"}
|
||
proc hector {} {rainb [catsay useless use of cat detected]}
|
||
proc darrenonthejob {} {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left [first [regexp -inline http.*$ [japgirl]]] [img-fatgoon] 0.5}
|
||
proc swinglerbet {{who {}}} {. "<[name $who]> i'll bet $[lindex_random [seq 10 100]] swingler won't be able to go another [choose day hour "ten minutes"] without mentioning [swingler_word] or [swingler_word]"}
|
||
proc rpg_adventure {} {return "You begin your quest in a dirty apartment in [city], [sex_act] a [adjective] [niggerword]. To your [direction] is some [drug]. To your [direction] is a door."}
|
||
proc trace {} {catsay [concat [proofthatdarrenisarab] [darrens]]}
|
||
proc kd {} kill_drudge
|
||
proc STbonerhead {} {. " _ \n /\\)\n / / \n/__\\ \n/..\\ \n\\_O/ \n"}
|
||
proc STbiggestgoon {} {biggestgoon 6 15}
|
||
proc smallfont args {regsub -all {:} [regsub -all {([a-z]|[A-Z])} [rcolorize [shrink [fg $args Doh]]] \u2588] \u2588}
|
||
proc hotrod {} { return "cryptomail sux";}
|
||
proc ass_objects {} {lindex_random $::ass_objects_dict}
|
||
proc dong {} { return [balls] }
|
||
proc aimpoliticaljoke args { aim -n [aimname $args] [politicaljoke]}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/(.+)color(.+)/ {matches args} {set fpart [first $matches]; set lpart [last $matches]; [${fpart}colour${lpart} $args]}
|
||
proc rload url {eval [wget $url]}
|
||
proc list_crappy_restaurant {} { format "%d. %s" [expr {int(rand()*59)+1}] [crappy_restaurant] }
|
||
proc haikuize words {
|
||
foreach word $words {
|
||
lappend haimap [list $word [syllables $word]]
|
||
}
|
||
return "[haikuize_n $haimap 5]\n[haikuize_n $haimap 7]\n[haikuize_n $haimap 5]"
|
||
}
|
||
proc eli {{who {}}} {pick 1 {grift $who} 1 {grift2 $who}}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^&(.*)#(\d+)/} {matches cmd args} {set twits [twits2 [lindex $matches 1]]; if {[llength $twits]} {. @[lindex $matches 1]: [lindex $twits [expr [lindex $matches 2] - 1]]} {error "No twits"}}
|
||
proc imaguyfml {} {. Today, [innerfml]. I'm a guy. FML}
|
||
proc dts {} {wt dts}
|
||
proc beepabuse {} {giga beep}
|
||
proc track {carrier number} {
|
||
cache put last_track [nick] [list $carrier $number];
|
||
set number [join $number ""];
|
||
set results [track_$carrier $number];
|
||
join [lindex $results 0] " "
|
||
}
|
||
proc random_caption {} {caption [gis [random_word]] "Fig 1. [string totitle [random_word]]"}
|
||
proc giganig {} {giga zapanig}
|
||
proc wc32 {} {ajoin "" [zicat2 [wc3]]\n[vflip [zicat2 [wc3]]]}
|
||
proc twinks? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::twink_count]]] twinks}
|
||
proc timeline {{arg eli}} {img-timeline $arg}
|
||
proc lc args {string tolower [join $args]}
|
||
proc 5manbabies {} {rain [mega thread_gena]}
|
||
proc big911-blocks {} {draw-blocks {0001000000111001110 1000100000111001110 0111111110111001110 1000100000111001110 0001000000111001110}}
|
||
proc yogotdatright {} {return "i call mah wife dat fuckin' biatch when I wid mah crew. dey laugh and say yo' got dat right !"}
|
||
proc go:place_black {x y} { go:place_piece $x $y black }
|
||
proc fixalbot {} {. WINKIE FIX ALBOT WINKIE FIX ALBOT WINKIE FIX ALBOT WINKIE FIX ALBOT WINKIE FIX ALBOT WINKIE FIX ALBOT WINKIE FIX ALBOT }
|
||
proc kallecleantemp {} {return "<@Kalle> I flush, then I apply [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word]] in the toilet bowl and I give the toilet bowl a good [act_word] with that. I flush. [fatgoon_finale]."}
|
||
proc find_in_globals args {set ret [list];foreach g [info globals] {if {[array exists ::$g]} {} {if {[string first [join $args] [set ::$g] ] != -1} {lappend ret $g}}};set ret}
|
||
proc sobad2 {{who {}}} {return "[name $who], why do you want [loser_word] pics of [name] so bad?"}
|
||
proc wow_talent {} {lindex_random $::wow_talents}
|
||
proc kushname {} { set t ""; if {[rand 0 2] == 0} {set t " [noun [rpick {b s t r l m n o p}]]"}; totitle [. [adj [rpick {a e n t b s}]]$t kush]}
|
||
proc r3 args {. [bbc3] http://open.live.bbc.co.uk/mediaselector/5/select/version/2.0/mediaset/http-icy-aac-lc-a/format/pls/vpid/bbc_radio_three.pls}
|
||
proc 3gs {} {?? $::iphone}
|
||
proc ceval:load key {
|
||
if [cache exists ceval $key] {
|
||
uplevel [list array set data [cache get ceval $key]]
|
||
return 1
|
||
}
|
||
return 0
|
||
}
|
||
proc uvflip arg {regsub -all ~ [vflip $arg] [uchar 203e]}
|
||
proc sabotage {} {. "\<sabotage\> I boned like [rand 12] googlers \n\<sabotage\> yea, the hubby and wife were in a rock band\n\<sabotage\> [dikky_word]\n\<sabotage\> she was hot as hell\n\<sabotage\> crazy [loser_word] chick\n\<sabotage\> i guess her man didn't do it for her"}
|
||
proc ircify l { join [map $l {{x} {. "<[choose a b c]> $x"}}] \n }
|
||
proc enc args {set k [split [wt $args] "\n"]; k}
|
||
proc tiny911 {} {uchar 2708 20 275a 275a}
|
||
proc brokenjew {} {return " /\\ /\\ \n \\/ / \\ \\/\n /\\ \\ / /\\\n \\/ \\/ "}
|
||
proc fed {} {tail 1 [s/\n.*@.*\n/\n/g [@ohnotacop#[expr 1 + [rand 200]]]]}
|
||
proc ll args {join [format_log_lines [lgrep $args [lastlog 1000]]] \n}
|
||
proc jmax args {. <jmax> i wish i could be remembered for that \n<jmax> immortalized in film \n<jmax> for only one reason \n<jmax> snorting [drug_word] off a [tranny_word]'s ass $args"}
|
||
proc STcrown {} { return " , ,() , , \n |\\/\\/\\/\\/| \n |_o_<>_o_| ";}
|
||
proc stewie {} {return [ajoin "" [STgoon] [STheart] [flip [regsub {]-\[} [STgoon] {]m[}]]]\n[center "OH MY GOD" 38]\n[center "STEWIE IS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER TOO" 38]}
|
||
proc me args {if [llength $args] {return "\1ACTION [join $args]\1"} {choose sick gross ew}}
|
||
proc lastblob_ who {set i 0; foreach l [lreverse [log]] { if { [second $l] == $who } { return $i }; incr i } }
|
||
proc jabon {{who Sarah}} {regsub -all Sarah [join $::jabon_lines \n] $who}
|
||
proc randomgarfieldplusdicksplusdicks {} {image-dicksuck [randomgarfieldplusdicks]}
|
||
proc nogox {{cur USD}} {https://api.bitcoinaverage.com/ticker/[string toupper $cur]/}
|
||
proc moreabortions? {} {abortionback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]}
|
||
proc aimbigot {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [bigot]}
|
||
proc chinkamond {} {diamond xia}
|
||
proc lq {} {img-linuxquality 0}
|
||
proc log_text l {map $l [& cadddr]}
|
||
proc ls args { mega inaporn }
|
||
proc nb {} img-nanoblake
|
||
proc image-blood url {magick_overlay $url [?? {http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://www.zapistan.net/images/blood/blood1.jpg http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://www.zapistan.net/images/blood/blood2.jpg http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://www.zapistan.net/images/blood/blood3.jpg http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://www.zapistan.net/images/blood/blood4.jpg}]}
|
||
proc aimhax args { aim -n [aimname $args] [subst [lindex_random $::aimhax]]}
|
||
proc clook {{url {}}} {unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<div id="userbody">(.*)</div>} [$url]]]}
|
||
proc ddg_suggest args {
|
||
set results [each [json2dict [wget_follow http://ac.duckduckgo.com/ac/?[? q $args]]] {{x} {. " [lindex $x 1]"}}];
|
||
set length [expr [maxstringlength [lines $results]] - 1];
|
||
. [format "\[[^_] %-${length}s[^_]]" $args]\n$results
|
||
}
|
||
proc slot_debit {who amount} {set who [normalize_nick $who]; incr ::slot_stats(spent,$who) $amount}
|
||
proc nc {} {goonsay "hey guys the [tranny_word] are from the internet"}
|
||
proc gayout {} { faglet Get Out }
|
||
proc enn {} {more_php {. $::ENNbanner}}
|
||
proc mm str {apply mastermind [split $str ""]}
|
||
proc latext args {latex \{\\Huge \$[strip_all [join $args]]\$\}}
|
||
proc 8=e {} {return "8=e~~"}
|
||
proc colinhates args {?? $::colinhates}
|
||
proc facebooklm {} { set url [facebookurl]; return "<a href=\"[nimpify $url]\">$url</a>"}
|
||
proc wtspam args { more [list each $args [& wt]]}
|
||
proc phish {} {caption [image-piss [+gis phish fan]] {fuck phish}}
|
||
proc mq {} { img-missingplugin }
|
||
proc image-think {url txt} {magick annotate [magick_composite_top_left $url [tuxpaintstamp thought]] 14 25 20 black [wrap $txt 25]}
|
||
proc cpimage {} {return "[child_porn][underscore [expr {int(rand()*15)+5}]_year_old_[celebrity]_[fetish_porn]_[gudrow_word]_[sex_act]_[food_word]_with_[?? [names]]_[goon_word]_and_[faglame]_[ethnic_group]].[choose jpg gif png jpeg]"}
|
||
proc tehdely {} {. "Hey Winkie, did your LUMIA arrive yet?"}
|
||
proc pikmin {} {return "yah pikmin rules"}
|
||
proc ms line {for {set i 0} {$i < [expr [llength $line] / 2 + 1]} {incr i} {set tok [lindex_random $line]; if {[string length $tok] > 3} {lappend mslist $tok [subst "$tok[choose ® ℠ ™]"]}}; if {[info exists mslist]} {string map $mslist $line} {. $line}}
|
||
proc l0l {{length 0}} {let {length {. l[join [repeat $length {?? {o 0 .}}] {}]l}} [if {$length == 0} {rand 15 40} {set length}]}
|
||
proc tubegrids {tube {rows 36} {cols 36}} {. http://www.yooouuutuuube.com/v/?rows=$rows&cols=$cols&id=$tube&startZoom=1}
|
||
proc slot_deposit {{amount 100}} {set who [normalize_nick [nick]]; incr ::slot_jackpot $amount; slot_debit $who $amount; incr ::slot_stats(played,$who)}
|
||
proc olds? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::old_count]]] olds}
|
||
proc mentat {} {. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.}
|
||
proc image-chandra args { chandra_scheme [or $args [cdr [randtag]]] }
|
||
proc witchdoctor {{who {}}} {if [string equal $who {}] {set who [name]}; savagesay [. $who, [subst [?? $::diagnosis_dict]]]}
|
||
proc urmom {} {bt urmom}
|
||
proc freeweev2 who {heynotrick @$who free weev [choose "or i will [choose "kill myself with [suicide]" "[suicide2]"]" "and i will give you some of my [drug]"] #freeweev}
|
||
proc asqandrzej args {stampsay -s andrzej [eval "urbanquote $args"]}
|
||
proc theobamadeception args {return "The Obama Deception is a hard-hitting film that completely destroys the myth that Barack Obama is working for the best interests of the American people. Watch the Obama Deception and learn how international bankers purposefully engineered the worldwide financial meltdown to bankrupt the nations of the planet and bring in World Government.\nFind out more at http://theobamadeception.net"}
|
||
proc buttesfart {} { ajoin " " [buttesfort:fort] [fart] }
|
||
proc warholize v { join [map [map [seq 1 4] {{x} {color_box [next_in_list $::warhol_colors] $v}}] {{x y} {ajoin "" $x $y}}] \n}
|
||
proc no {} {bigtext no}
|
||
proc hug_albot {} {. Albot: [niggerize [cached_onehug]]}
|
||
proc blackletter {} {return {ð ð ð ð¡ ð¢ ð£ ð¤ ð¥ ð¦ ð§ ð¨ ð© ðª ð« ð¬ ð ð® ð¯ ð° ð± ð² ð³ ð´ ðµ ð¶ ð·}}
|
||
proc committest2342342 {} {. hi}
|
||
proc cosinewaveembeddedaflipheartiezscroll {} {embed [aflip [cosinewave2 15 <3\~]] [aflip [omgbeedna]] 10 4}
|
||
proc wired_magazine {} {. [choose {WIRED} {TIRED}] : [computer_language_word]}
|
||
proc trace:del proc {foreach {op cmd} [join [trace info execution $proc]] { trace remove execution $proc $op $cmd; }; array unset ::trace_${proc}}
|
||
proc np {} {bgt not a problem}
|
||
proc my args {if {$args eq "dad"} {bt "my dad"} elseif {$args eq "d"} {bt "s it"} elseif {$args eq "anus"} {"my anus"} else {return "fancy"}}
|
||
proc median l {if {[set len [llength $l]] % 2} { return [lindex [lsort -real $l] [expr {($len - 1) / 2}]]} {return [expr {([lindex [set sl [lsort -real $l]] [expr {($len / 2) - 1}]] + [lindex $sl [expr {$len / 2}]]) / 2.0}]}}
|
||
proc kawaii {{n 1}} {set ret {}; lappend ret "^"; while {$n > 0} {lappend ret "_"; incr n -1}; lappend ret "^"; return [join $ret ""]; }
|
||
proc oh {{yeah {}}} {if {$yeah eq "yeah"} {return CRAZY\ BEAT} {error "lick from the shaft to the dome of the dick"}}
|
||
proc alpha_upsideDown args { alpha_replace ɐqɔpǝɟƃɥıɾʞןɯuodbɹsʇn<CA87>ʍxʎz [join $args] }
|
||
proc cat69 {} {ajoin "" [rocketcat] [flip [vflip [rocketcat]]]}
|
||
proc {unknown:4:cmd/^\?(.+?)$/} {match args} {tld [last $match]}
|
||
proc oi {} {return [bt oi oi oi]}
|
||
proc char2 c {if [catch {regsub -all {\*} [decode $::alphabet([string toupper $c])] █} err] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]} {return $err}}
|
||
proc dork {} {lindex_random $::dork_quotes}
|
||
proc wetback {} {bgt puntme}
|
||
proc oclet2 {} {return "<@oclet> brb [booze_act_word] a [drink]"}
|
||
proc frot_figures2 {} {ajoin " " [embed [ajoin " " [STdance] [flip [STdance]]] [. [unichar_dec [?? $::uarrows_right]] [unichar_dec [?? $::uarrows_left]]//] 4 2] "- let's frot!"}
|
||
proc pb proc {paste inspect $proc}
|
||
proc nt {} {return "Attention surveillence technicians, the preceeding statement was facetious and not an actual threat. Also, [spook]."}
|
||
proc ffw args {fullwidth_with_formatting [join $args]}
|
||
proc reddit args {each [regexp -inline -all {<item><title>(.+?)</title>.+(http.+?)">\[link\]} [wget http://www.reddit.com/r/${args}.rss?limit=10]] {{{} title link} {. \00307 ↑ \00310 [html ${title}]\n \00311↓ \00315 [html ${link}]}}}
|
||
proc lofive args {lo5 $args}
|
||
proc l2g {} letter_to_grandma
|
||
proc pf theproc {. [head 21 [proc:find $theproc]]}
|
||
proc hurfle {} {pick 1 {rands [expr {int(rand()*30)+1}]} 1 penisbird}
|
||
proc submitdrugde a { return [wget "http://drudgereport.com/cgi-bin/fastfeedback.cgi?Send=SUBMIT&body=[string map {" " +} $a]"]; }
|
||
proc iwnkie {} {chinkerize [winkie]}
|
||
proc beastmovie {} {lindex_random $::beastmovie}
|
||
proc custombar {} {return "incorporating tsDesk doesn't really make sense.. If there's a logical way to do it, someone can always come up with a plugin. I'm one person and this has already taken over two years of my life. TDS may one day read XML files, but honestly for CustomBar editing TDS is a lot easier. XML has a lot of structure, which can get in the way"}
|
||
proc era {} {lindex_random $::era_dict}
|
||
proc virusfile {{who {}}} {return "[underscore [expr {int(rand()*10)+2}]_year_old_[celebrity]_[fetish_porn]_[gudrow_word]_[sex_act]_[food_word]_with_[name $who]_[goon_word]_and_[faglame]_[ethnic_group][virusextension]]"}
|
||
proc twitcentre str { if {[nlines $str] == 1} { return " \n$str\n " } { return $str } }
|
||
proc pi {{n 100}} {set s 0;for {set k 0} {$k<=$n} {incr k} {set s [expr $s+(4./(8*$k+1)-2./(8*$k+4)-1./(8*$k+5)-1./(8*$k+6))*pow(1./16,$k)]};set pi $s;return $pi}
|
||
proc or args {foreach value $args {if {$value ne ""} {return $value}}}
|
||
proc erb {suck tank cut} {return [[A]; return [if {$::okey} {lappend xaml $::tupac} {lappend smh [xcox $::TVs]}]]; return "[computer goons] i just found my mom strangling spokkerjones nudes what should i do???? (56k combustion)"}
|
||
proc qa args {return [wolfram [join $args]]}
|
||
proc os {} {lindex_random $::os_dict}
|
||
proc mycond {} {string map {"Conditions: " {}} [grep Cond [myw]]}
|
||
proc geinpart {} {return "[choose [sexpart] [body_part]]"}
|
||
proc g_l {} gen_letter
|
||
proc al_insult {{who {}}} {. [name $who] is a goddam [al_man_word][al_hat_word]}
|
||
proc tinyokey {} { return "[color blue]Tiny Okey[color] [color red][ok_perform][color]!"}
|
||
proc rmredir a { return ".rmredir [stripcolon $a]"}
|
||
proc verb letter {rpick $::verbs($letter)}
|
||
proc hostway {} {return qazwsx}
|
||
proc chocolaterainlyric {} { lindex_random $::chocolaterain }
|
||
proc monroe {} {return "tcl transfer"}
|
||
proc STbutt2 {} {return " _/ \\\n _-\" (\n( _ |\n| / |\n \\___\\_____/ \n";}
|
||
proc normal {mean stdev} {expr $mean + (sqrt(-2*log([rand 10000]*.0001)) * cos(2*3.14159*[rand 10000]*.0001) * $stdev)}
|
||
proc ipad3 args {return "<vxp> i sat next to a fat guy on the train today\n<vxp> he had his ipad on in front of him, he was reading an article on the huffington post called 'the psychology behind your food cravings ... and how to beat them!' while stuffing a cheeseburger into his mouth"}
|
||
proc image-spongebob-say args {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left [or [car $args] [cadr [randtag]]] [avatar-say http://i.buttes.org/http://www.kevblog.co.uk/blog/25/spongebob.png [or [cadr $args] [ono]]] 0.9}
|
||
proc acrolist {{c {}}} {if {$c eq ""} {array names ::acronym} {set o "";foreach l $::acronym($c) {append o "$l\n"};return $o}}
|
||
proc mysmalldick {} { array set CockList [big hard veiny cocks]; . CockList[2]}
|
||
proc _pooptypes {{nick {}}} { set nick [ornick $nick]; set keys [map [cadr [array get ::poophistory $nick]] {{x} {return $nick$x}}]; return [filter [map $keys {{key} {cadr [array get ::pooptype $key]}}] {{x} {not [eq {} $x]}}] }
|
||
proc cheezzburga {{chedda {}}} {set chedda [hacker [name $chedda]]; return "HeY $chedda YO MaMMA In Da LUnCH SerVEs DA ChEEzzBuRGA"}
|
||
proc samanthajean {} {giga {. samanthajean: [pick 7 winkz 1 {img-samjeans 1}]}}
|
||
proc image-pistol img { magick-scale-composite-bottom-right $img http://i.buttes.org/http://spazbot.com/stuff/bangbang.gif 0.8}
|
||
proc afetch tag {
|
||
set tag [anormalize_tag_name $tag]
|
||
if [info exists ::audio_tagged($tag)] {
|
||
join $::audio_tagged($tag) \n
|
||
} else {
|
||
error "no audio tagged \"$tag\""
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc pt args {pix_tag [join $args ","]}
|
||
proc my_priest {skinning drunken_frat_guy death} {lappend my_uncle $freenode; return $performing_amateur_surgery_on; lappend camel_jockeys $_fno_branch_count_reg; return [WHOSE $suicide $affectionate]}
|
||
proc darrentube {} {return "from darren_'s youtube fav list: [lindex_random $::darrenlist]"}
|
||
proc raruler {{who {}}} {. "[name $who]: god, don't you read Daring Fireball?"}
|
||
proc babyny {} {return " .@@@@@.\n / \\\n / 6 6 \\ Happy New Years,\n( ^ ,) Baby Fuckers!\n \\ c /-._\n `._____.' `--.__\n \\ / `/``''''-.\n Y 7 / :\n | / | .--. :\n / /__ \\/ `.__.:.____.-.\n / / / `'''`/ .-'..____.-. \\\nBjgs _.-' /_/ ( \\-. \\"}
|
||
proc train {{who {}}} {. beep beep here comes the [name $who] train}
|
||
proc randomwaffle {} {set html [unescape_html_entities [wget http://waffleimages.com/random]]; set url [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<IMG SRC="(.*?)"} $html] 3]; . "${url}#.jpg"}
|
||
proc phrases who {return $::phrases($who)}
|
||
proc re args {if {[llength $args] < 2} {error {you are a dumb fuck}};return ".re:[lindex $args 0] [join [lrange $args 1 end]]"}
|
||
proc aim_pledge args { aim -n [aimname $args] [pledge] }
|
||
proc +naughtylist {who args} { set w [string tolower $who]; if {[info exists ::naughtylist($w)] != 1} {set ::naughtylist($who) {}}; set ::naughtylist($who) [uniq [lappend ::naughtylist($who) [args]]] }
|
||
proc fip str {find_in_procs $str}
|
||
proc tensegame {} {return "It was the [choose bottom middle top] of [choose period down inning] [rand 10]. The [city] [string totitle [ethnic_group]] were down by one against the [city] [string totitle [ethnic_group]]. \"[string toupper [repeated_word]]\" the fans shouted as [waspfirstname] [niggername] took the [choose plate snap point]... and [choose scored missed] a [choose goal touchdown "home run" "hole-in-one"]!"}
|
||
proc hardwrap {j {s 60} {l {}}} { if {$l eq ""} { set l [expr ceil([clength $j]/$s)+1] }; set r [list]; for {set i 0} {$i < $l} {incr i} { lappend r [crange $j [expr $i*$s] [expr $i*$s+$s-1]] }; join $r \n }
|
||
proc dots url {http://irc.gangnet.org/braille.php?url=[urlencode $url]}
|
||
proc suckit {} {string map {fuck suck} [fuckit]}
|
||
proc STanteater {} {. " _.---._ /\\\\\n ./' \"--`\\//\n ./ o \\\n /./\\ )______ \\__ \\\n ./ / /\\ \\ | \\ \\ \\ \\\n / / \\ \\ | |\\ \\ \\7\n \" \" \" \""}
|
||
proc fit str {head 20 $str}
|
||
proc gbc c {set c [string toupper $c]; if ![info exists ::alphabet($c)] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]}; set ret [list]; foreach line [split $::alphabet2($c) \n] {set g [gay]; lappend ret [regsub -all {\*($|\n| )} [regsub -all {(^|\n| )\*} $line "\\1\x03$g,$g*"] "*\x03\\1"]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc wavething {thing {mod 20}} {set out ""; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $thing]} {incr i} {append out [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * sin(3.14 * 3 * $i/$mod))]] [lindex $thing $i]\n}; . $out }
|
||
proc fiv var {find_in_vars $var}
|
||
proc usdevfolks {} {lindex_random $::usdevfolks}
|
||
proc ping {} {return "pong"}
|
||
proc yellow_colour {} {next_in_list {8}}
|
||
proc aimf_thegame args {aimify thegame $args}
|
||
proc chat? {} {ajoin " " "[chathard]" "[chatsoft]";}
|
||
proc kanyevision img {magick composite $img fe0b2bc6e9d96d23b3e12eda8fce5bf1 0 0}
|
||
proc STkkk {} {return " |\n /(--+--\n /\\('')_|\\\n \\__ + _|/\n / \\\n /_____\\\n"}
|
||
proc gh2 {} {set html [unescape_html_entities [http://grouphug.us/random/]]; set meirl [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<div class="content">.+<p>(.+)</p>.+</div>} $html] 1]]]; . $meirl}
|
||
proc pink args {set ret ""; foreach char [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {if {$char eq ","} {set char ",,"}; append ret [color_n [pink_colours]]$char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc nigrate {} {. 1 blx = 0.600 wty}
|
||
proc nickisafaggot {} {. MORE LIKE NICK IS A FAILURE}
|
||
proc esr {} {. "> Damn straight I took it personally. And if you ever again behave like\n> that kind of disruptive asshole in public, insult me, and jeopardize\n> the interests of our entire tribe, I'll take it just as personally --\n> and I will find a way to make you regret it. Watch your step."}
|
||
proc fibber {{counter {}}} {set seqitor "1\,1"; set j 1; set k 1; set l 1; for { set i 1 } {$i<=$counter} {incr i} {set l $j; set j [expr $k + $j]; set k $l; append seqitor "\,$j"}; return "$seqitor" }
|
||
proc amren {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<div class="entry">[\n\r]<p>([^<]+)} [http://www.amren.com/category/news/]]]}
|
||
proc rr {} { for {set i 0} {$i < 50} {incr i} { set r [rr_]; if { $r != "" } { break } }; return $r }
|
||
proc est {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; set est [word iest$]; return "$who is the $est [regsub {iest} $est ""] that ever [regsub {iest} $est {ed}]."}
|
||
proc kalleclean1 {} {}
|
||
proc get_medals args {set content [cwget http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/olympics/2012/medals/countries]; set clist [regexp -all -inline {td class="rank">.*?</tr>} $content]; map $clist {x {lrange [regexp -all -inline {rank">(\d+)</td.*data-country-name="([^"]+)".*data-country-code="([^"]+)".*gold">(\d+)</td.*silver">(\d+)</td.*bronze">(\d+)</td.*total">(\d+)} $x] 1 end}}}
|
||
proc gcc {} make
|
||
proc tb {} img-tinyblake
|
||
proc rt args {set ret "";foreach l [split [strip_all [bgbt [join $args]]] \n] {set c [gay];lappend ret [regsub -all {\*+} $l $c,$c&]};join $ret \n}
|
||
proc gcd {a b} {if {$b == 0} {return $a} {gcd $b [expr $a % $b]}}
|
||
proc fkm {} {return "[name], [name], [name]: Fuck one, Kill one, Marry one, GO!"}
|
||
proc sl {mlist init inc} { set l 0; set out ""; for {set i $init} {$i < [llength $mlist]} {incr i $inc} { if {[string length [lindex $mlist $i]] > $l} {set l [string length [lindex $mlist $i]]} };. $l }
|
||
proc ru {} {bigtext "radeon update:"}
|
||
proc kalleclean3 {} {return "<@Kalle> I then pour a VERY GOOD AMOUNT of [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word]], Scrub, Flush...then I add a VERY GOOD AMOUNT of [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word] [food_word]]. [string totitle [act_word]] then [act_word]. I pour [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word] [food_word]] in the toilet and I [act_word] after a five minute sitting."}
|
||
proc STpedo {} {. " (@)__(@)\n | \\\n / O O |\n | (_*_) |\n ^^ U ^^\n / \\ \\\n / /__ |\\ )\n(_____) (_/\n \\ _ /\n / / \\ \\\n | / ) )\n `w \\ \\\n \\_)"}
|
||
proc varpub {} {publish [. [string map {" " "\n"} [find_in_vars "\{"]]]}
|
||
proc values arr { loffset [array get ::$arr] 1 2 }
|
||
proc td {} touchdown
|
||
proc sm name {asc2hb [evenize [ascii $name]]}
|
||
proc mysticaim args { aim -n [aimname $args] [mystic] }
|
||
proc kalleclean4 {} {return "<@Kalle> Then, I apply un diluted [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word]] to the water and I spray the insides with [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word]]. I close the top then I spray down the whole outside of the toilet with [choose [sex_fluid] [matter] [booze_word]] wiping it down. I then lift the top and I let it sit until I use it again. [fatgoon_finale]."}
|
||
proc sn args {apply stripnick $args}
|
||
proc gay {} {next_in_list {04 08 09 11 10 13 06}}
|
||
proc tf str {foreach {i j} {s {$$$} k {KKK} c {KKK} x {XXX}} {set str [regsub -nocase -all $i $str $j]}; return $str}
|
||
proc gigapanties {} {giga panties}
|
||
proc gbs {} {return "\[[goon_word] goons\] i just found [acquaintance] [sex_act] [strip_u [fetish_porn]] what should i do???? (56k [56k_word])"}
|
||
proc surprise {} {. http://content.ytmnd.com/content/7/6/f/76fd919f280535a74063af9946712e2d.mp3}
|
||
proc rot:convertstrlist strl {
|
||
set mat [list];
|
||
foreach {str} $strl {
|
||
lappend mat [rot:str2tuples $str]
|
||
}
|
||
return $mat
|
||
}
|
||
proc gbt args {set str [. $args]; set cvs [canvas [expr 6*[string length $str]] 5]; for {set i 0} {$i < [string length $str]} {incr i} {set l [string index $str $i]; set x 0; if {$i > 0} {incr x}; set cvs [embed $cvs [gbc $l] [+ [expr $i*6] 1] 1]};. $cvs }
|
||
proc aimf_valentines args {aimify valentines $args}
|
||
proc big_smd {} {if { [nick] eq "engimo" } { bt engimo is a faggot } else { ajoin " " [sdraw {0 0 11111 00001 00001}] [bt (] [sdraw {00100 001}] [bt ~`\;)] [sdraw {0 0 11111000000 1 1}] [bt s my d] }}
|
||
proc butteshack:grave {} {subst [lindex_random $::butteshackgraves]}
|
||
proc virtual_eating {} {stampsay -s geordigoon "Oh wow VR Eating !! Now no one is going to make fun of my virtual recipe: [fatgoonmeal]"}
|
||
proc ss {} {return " / / \n / /"}
|
||
proc matrix_error {} {[return [matrixify "Warning: Error in the Matrix\n"][matrixify [unicode_abuse [bigmatix]]]]}
|
||
proc berniemac {{who {}} {post 0}} {niggerize [fundiemac $who $post]}
|
||
proc tk {} {. "GIVING MOTIF A RUN FOR ITS MONEY SINCE 1991"}
|
||
proc icosa {cmd args} {smega "$cmd $args" 20}
|
||
proc fiShmech {} {return "fishmech is short for [word ^fish] [word ^mech]"}
|
||
proc uc str { string toupper $str }
|
||
proc swinglerbot {} {. <swingler> fuck you tomcat}
|
||
proc su {} {bigtext "saq update:"}
|
||
proc psychologist name {stampsay -l -s doctor2 "hello, $name, why don't you lay down on my curvy leather couch and we can discuss this issue"}
|
||
proc literalka_chat {} {. <LiteralKa> lol}
|
||
proc down {host {port 80}} {catch "wget http://$host:$port" cum; if {$cum == "eof"} {return 0} {return 1} }
|
||
proc tm {} {return text[bold]GREAT}
|
||
proc maplines {string arg block} {join [mapx [split $string \n] $arg $block] \n}
|
||
proc boxify args {apply ajoin [concat [list ""] [map $args [& box]]]}
|
||
proc cbuttes {} {string map {{ZIRC! } BUTTES} [czirc]}
|
||
proc lolwhat lol {return "\x01$lol\x01"}
|
||
proc goonblade {} {. http://i.buttes.org/http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/4609/imageqdeexkzx4.gif}
|
||
proc fnick args {set buf ""; foreach name [names] { append buf "$name: $args\n"; }; return $buf}
|
||
proc aspergers {} { return "the following people have aspergers: [array names ::factor_stats]"}
|
||
proc tr {from to string} {
|
||
set mapping [list]
|
||
foreach c1 [trExpand $from] c2 [trExpand $to] {
|
||
lappend mapping $c1 $c2
|
||
}
|
||
return [string map $mapping $string]
|
||
}
|
||
proc thinkaboutit {{who {}}} {return "[lindex_random $::fundie_phrases] [choose "THINK ABOUT IT" "Check MATE"], [name $who]"}
|
||
proc deadblacks {} {return [lol "dead blacks on their backs so I can relax!"]}
|
||
proc drawtable args {apply drawtable2 $args}
|
||
proc yomomma {} {return "Yo momma's so [choose stupid desperate fat ugly slutty poor] she [choose eats kills scares fucks serves "smells like"] [choose [food_word] [ethnic_group] [plural [animal_word]]]"}
|
||
proc uj args { join [upper [join [join $args]]] }
|
||
proc aimlamejoke {{name {}}} {aim -n [aimname $name] A wise man by the name of [eval [lindex_random {{jewfullname} {waspname}}]] once said \"[lamejoke]\"}
|
||
proc citytale {} {return "[city] is a cruel and crazy town on a filthy river in [direction] [state] with no zoning laws and a culture of sex, money and violence. It's a shabby sprawling metropolis ruled by brazen women, crooked cops and super-rich pansexual cowboys who live by the code of the West -- which can mean just about anything you need it to mean, in a pinch."}
|
||
proc nethack:hwall {} { return \342\224\200 }
|
||
proc blaketomate {} {. J Blake. No [choose tomate tomate aorte].}
|
||
proc fatcookingword {} cooking_term_word
|
||
proc tv args { html [http://services.tvrage.com/tools/quickinfo.php?show=[urlencode [join $args]]] }
|
||
proc STaenima {} {embed [STfedoragoon] [. [color yellow on green] Dang [color]] 11 7}
|
||
proc array_lappend {arrayname key vals} { set l [array_get_default ::${arrayname} $key {}]; lappend l $vals; set ::${arrayname}($key) $l }
|
||
proc tw args {goonsay [join "" [twodongs] [lump]]}
|
||
proc gdp args {set wolfram [wolfram "[join $args] GDP"]]; lindex [regexp -inline {(?in)^real GDP[^\$]+\$(.*) per year} $wolfram] 1}
|
||
proc blackjack_initialized {} { return [blackjack_get_bid dealer]; }
|
||
proc catbus_dcc {} {stampsay -s catbus [dccc]}
|
||
proc demoss {} {. [bgt WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES]}
|
||
proc dprocbin2 args {set procs ""; set m ""; set all [list]; map $args {x {append m [inspect $x]\n}}; foreach item $args { foreach name [depends $item] {lappend all $name} }; set all [lsort -unique [flatten $all]]; set out ""; foreach name $all {append out [inspect $name]\n\n}; set ah [textbin $m$out]; . [^B]the following dependencies were uploaded:[^B] [flatten $all]\n$ah }
|
||
proc drudge {} {set html [wget http://drudgereport.com/]; concat [list [drudge_major_story $html]] [drudge_minor_stories $html]}
|
||
proc uo {} {string repeat oO [rand 320]}
|
||
proc bikefags {} { ajoin "" [STbikefags] "\n LOL\n @\nBIKEFAGS" }
|
||
proc up args {string toupper [join $args]}
|
||
proc setback {{user {}} args} {return "$user, you just set the $args movement back [rand 100] years"}
|
||
proc screamonorge {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who "reshxed"}; return "<@$who> [upper [norway [strip_newlines [cached_onehug]]]]"}
|
||
proc fmr {} {cooliegoonsay [chinkerize [fml]]}
|
||
proc fatgeordi {} { stampsay -s geordigoon "Captain, we are being hailed by '[fatgoon_finale]'. [fatgoonmeal]"}
|
||
proc w_ q {wget http://api.wolframalpha.com/v2/query?input=[urlencode $q]&appid=68E6LE-PRGWPYJU83}
|
||
proc jewcat {} {. [embed [STkitty] JEW 4 2]}
|
||
proc yablo {} ohai
|
||
proc playsine2 args {apply audioconcat [map $args {x {sine2 1000 1000 $x}}]}
|
||
proc fmt {str {delim { }} {sep { }}} { set out ""; set list [nlsplit $str]; map $list {x { set c 0; foreach chunk [split $x $delim] { append out "[autopad [column $list $c] $chunk]$sep"; incr c }; append out \n }}; . $out }
|
||
proc STcsammisC {} { join {{ ___ } { /. .\ } {( )o( )} { \___/ }} \n }
|
||
proc wb {} {ncock 0}
|
||
proc wc str {set c [string length $str];set w [llength [regexp -all -inline {\w+} $str]];set l [llength [split $str \n]];fixtabs "$l\t$w\t$c"}
|
||
proc wangues {} {ajoin " " [dickroulette] [dickroulette]}
|
||
proc set_mypix flickrid {set ::flickrid([nick]) $flickrid}
|
||
proc doxx {} { set id [last [regexp -inline {\d+_(\d+)_\d+_n.jpg} [strrev [irclog 100]]]]; fbid2name $id }
|
||
proc obamareport {} {. "[join [map1 [lrange [lgrep Obama [drudge]] 0 9] {strcat [gay]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc nuclear_fuel_for_iran {truth Lowtax} {set dropsy $gout; return "[goonerosity goons] i just found a hobo cannibalizing nipple clamps what should i do???? (56k anal bleeding)"; set resolution $disintegration; return $vaginal_prolapse}
|
||
proc lulzup {{who {}} {plusthis 1} args} {if {[nick] == $who} {. [selfmodder $who]} else {if [array exists ::lulzscores($who)] {set ::lulzscores($who) [list $who [concat [expr [last [array get ::lulzscores($who)]]+$plusthis]]]} else {set ::lulzscores($who) [list $who [concat $plusthis]]}; return "Great Comment, $who!\n \[\+$plusthis\] $args"}}
|
||
proc gfg {txt {font Standard}} {rainbow [fg $txt $font]}
|
||
proc leafly {} { first [leafly_ 20] }
|
||
proc moira_aim {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] brb [booze_act_word] a [drink]}
|
||
proc aimsplain {{n {}}} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n [explain $n]}
|
||
proc philia {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]philia"}
|
||
proc kick5 {} {return [goonsay "as a [pervert] kick5 is interested in being [ethnic_cleansing_verb]ed with [a_sextoy] to improve [seinfeld_word] but is scared of [disease_word]"]}
|
||
proc nowplaying {{who {}}} {. And now, [capitalize [name $who]]'s latest hit single, [capitalize [strip_u [fetish_porn]][maybe_in_the_usa]]. Only on [clearchannel].}
|
||
proc STcsammisL {} { join {{ ___ } { /.. \ } {()o( )} { \___/ }} \n }
|
||
proc ewt {gay boners} {subst [regsub -all {[^ ]} [subst [string map {* {[next_in_list [split $gay ""]]}} [strip_all [bgt $boners]]]] "\[gay],\[gay]&"]}
|
||
proc moneyjoke {} {set nigger [singleethnic]; set nigger2 [faglame]; set money [rand 40]; set cash [plural [currency]]; return "So this $nigger walks into a grocery store and asks this $nigger2 working there \"how much for [topping] and some [plural [food_word]]?\" The $nigger2 says \"only $money $cash\". So the $nigger says \"$money $cash? What is this, a grocery store or [corporation]?!\""}
|
||
proc -naughtylist {who regex} {upvar ::naughtylist($who) lre_temp_list; lremove lre_temp_list [lsearch -regex $lre_temp_list $regex];}
|
||
proc terds {} {return "I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.\nI often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater."}
|
||
proc image-evilcolbert img { magick-scale-composite-bottom-right $img http://i.buttes.org/http://h8r.net/no/evilcolbert.png 0.6}
|
||
proc image-akimbo url {image-pistol-left [image-pistol $url] }
|
||
proc gge {} {. [flip [egg]]}
|
||
proc eye txt {embed [aflip [cosharc [subst $txt] 15]] [circle2 [subst $txt]] 43 6}
|
||
proc xd {{lol {}}} {if {$lol eq ""} {set lol " "}; return [biggaytext XD]\ $lol}
|
||
proc optix {} {return "yes: standard output: Broken pipe\nyes: write error"}
|
||
proc foo {} {set urmom 1; set urdad 2; bar}
|
||
proc winkiebong {} {return "<Winkie> i'm building a bong out of an old [appliance_word], some [food_word] and a [booze_container_word]"}
|
||
proc gfp {} {join [html [lrange [{/<img src='(.*)' class='displayed'.*?<div id='quote'>(.*?)<\/div>/l} [http://goodfap.com/quotes/]] end-1 end]] \n}
|
||
proc phubuh2 {{who phubuh}} {return "<@$who> pls stop [swede_act_word]ing min [swede_word] !!!"}
|
||
proc STcsammisR {} { join {{ ___ } { / ..\ } {( )o()} { \___/ }} \n }
|
||
proc STblake {} {join {{ __________} {(--[ -]-[ -]} {(______uu__)}} \n}
|
||
proc porchmonkey {} {return "[dumbstate] [housepart]-[primate]"}
|
||
proc alpha_curvy1 args { alpha_replace ค๒ƈɗﻉिﻭɦٱﻝᛕɭ๓กѻρ۹ɼรՇપ۷ฝซץչ [join $args] }
|
||
proc STbutterfly {} { return " __ . . __ \n(o.\\ \\/ /.o) \n \\__\\/\\/__/ \n /()/==\\()\\ \n(;_/ \\/ \\_;) ";}
|
||
proc alpha_curvy2 args { alpha_replace αв¢∂єƒﻭнιנкℓмησρ۹яѕтυνωχуչ [join $args] }
|
||
proc alpha_fullwidth args { alpha_replace ＡＢＣＤＥＦＧＨＩＪＫＬＭＮＯＰＱＲＳＴＵＶＷＸＹＺ [join $args] }
|
||
proc alpha_curvy3 args { alpha_replace ค๒ς๔єŦﻮђเןкɭ๓ภ๏קợгรՇยשฬאץչ [join $args] }
|
||
proc dprk {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.nk-news.net/newsfeed/nk-news_eng.xml]]]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+death)$/} {match args} {[?? {bgbt bt fg wet}] [last $match]}
|
||
proc normie {} {goonsay [?? $::wizard_quotes];}
|
||
proc nigger_beer_review {} {moirasay [niggerize [moira_beer_review]]}
|
||
proc ldraw L {lindex $L [expr {int(rand()*[llength $L])}]}
|
||
proc horsedit {} {reddit picsofhorsedicks}
|
||
proc 14hex88 {} {string map {hy hep} [oclet]}
|
||
proc wt args {set str [strip_all [join $args]]; if {[string length $str] > 14} {error "too long, spic"}; set prefixes [list \n {} \n \n\n]; set args [list]; set i 0; foreach c [split $str {}] {if {$c eq " "} {lappend args " "} {lappend args [lindex $prefixes [expr {$i % 4}]][bgbt $c]; incr i}}; eval [concat [list ajoin " "] $args]}
|
||
proc untilimet {{who {}}} {return "I believed [dnd_word] was a choice--until I met [name $who]."}
|
||
proc scheissegern {} {rainbow [ajoin " " [david] [david] [david] [david] [david]]}
|
||
proc macify2 {image {xoff 0} {yoff 0}} {magick_scheme [macify-gen $image $xoff $yoff]}
|
||
proc encounter {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] has encountered a [level] [pick 1 golem 1 elemental 2 dndcreature 1 dndname]!"}
|
||
proc wu args {set r {}; if [catch {set r [wu:0 $args]}] {error "unable to query RSS feed for that station";} else {return [string map {{°} {}} $r]}}
|
||
proc trustory {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "I heard that $who's [acquaintance_chain] is into [sex_act] [strip_u [fetish_porn]]. true story."}
|
||
proc goosebumps {} {return "A WHORE HANDED ME DAD'S WALLET"}
|
||
proc acroclear c {unset ::acronym($c)}
|
||
proc smallword {} {lindex_random $::small_dict}
|
||
proc strip_newlines s {string map {\n {}} $s}
|
||
proc punt-me {} puntme
|
||
proc climax {} fatgoon_finale
|
||
proc safetyimage i {set start_mul [expr ($i-1)/50]; set start [expr $start_mul*50]; set end [expr ($start_mul+1)*50]; if { $start > 0 } {incr start}; set baseurl "http://safetycenter.navy.mil/photo/images/images-$start-$end/photo$i"; set response [lindex [http head "$baseurl.jpg"] 0]; if {$response == 200} {return "$baseurl.jpg"} elseif {$i > 150} {return "$baseurl-1.jpg\n$baseurl-2.jpg"} else {return "${baseurl}_1.jpg\n${baseurl}_2.jpg"}}
|
||
proc STlispmonster {} { join $::lispmonster \n}
|
||
proc get_title args {
|
||
if {[string length $args] < 1} {return [get_last_title]}; extract_title [wget_follow [extract_url $args]]
|
||
}
|
||
proc gayliljon {} {string map {LOW DICK BITCHES FAGGOTS SKEET RAPE SOCK RIM} [gudrize [liljon]]}
|
||
proc badjective {} {lindex_random $::badjectives}
|
||
proc humanjoke {} {return saq}
|
||
proc go:type gb {lindex $gb 0 }
|
||
proc jewsdidbtc {} {set graph [embed [apply ajoin [stbtc:test2 [stbtc:test1 20]]] " I was done by [jewfullname]\n/" 16 1]; set lcount [llength [lines $graph]]; append graph "\n_____________________"; set leader [string repeat "|\n" [expr [llength [lines $graph]] - 1]]; append leader "|"; ajoin "" $leader $graph}
|
||
proc image-stoner url {magick_overlay $url [?? {http://imgur.com/EBozx.png http://imgur.com/NJmhb.png}]}
|
||
proc gis-comic args {force_image [urldecode [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {imgurl\\x3d(http://.*?)\\x26} [6~http://images.google.com/images?q=[urlencode [join $args "+"]&hl=en&imgtype=lineart&as_st=y]]]]]}
|
||
proc stock symbol {
|
||
set html [unescape_html_entities [wget http://www.google.com/finance?q=$symbol]];
|
||
set curr [regexp -inline {<span id="ref_[0-9]+_l">([^<]*)<} $html];
|
||
set chr [regexp -all -inline {<span class="ch[rg]"[^>]*>([^<]*)<} $html];
|
||
if {[lindex $chr 1] < 0} {set col red} else {set col green};
|
||
. "[bold][lindex $curr 1][bold]: [color $col on white][lindex $chr 1] [color blue on white][lindex $chr 3][color]"}
|
||
proc vladfarted {} {set out [lindex_random $::cached_vladfarted]; if {[rand 6] == 0} { catch { set out [regsub "(f|F)art" [wget "http://dmdtech.org/cgi-bin/ghetto.cgi?[chan]"] "toot"] ; lappend ::cached_vladfarted $out} }; return $out}
|
||
proc graceful_restart args {apply crash $args}
|
||
proc efite {} {mega wet {efite}}
|
||
proc gudristotle args {. shaktonian metaphysics: [gudrize "[capitalize [shakti_word]] is the fulfillment of the [shakti_word] of the [shakti_word]."]}
|
||
proc yn {{who {}} args} {set jk [or [join $args] "Jack Kennedy"]; set who [or $who [name]]; . "$who, I served with $jk; I knew $jk; $jk was a friend of mine. $who, you're no $jk."}
|
||
proc image-russia url {magick_overlay $url [magick_id http://i.buttes.org/http://customize.ru/screens/screensavers/Flag_Screensaver.jpg]}
|
||
proc zulu str {set ret ""; foreach w [split $str] {append ret "$w "; switch [rand 12] {0 {append ret "jabula "} 1 {append ret "umbulo "} 2 {append ret "ubaba ubaba "} 3 {append ret "sobonana futhi "} 4 {append ret "zulu "}}}; append ret " umbulo!"; return $ret}
|
||
proc youcomment {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} {set name [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$name> [youtube_comment]"}
|
||
proc rands {{oi 30}} {string map {" " ""} [lselect_random {"H" "U" "L" "A" "G"} $oi]}
|
||
proc random_hi args {eval [lindex_random $::hello_procs] $args}
|
||
proc zune {{who {}}} {return "\[ \]¤ ~Z ~U ~N ~E ~+ ¤\[ \] /\\ [grapefruitize SQUIR][grapefruitize TING:] \[|||[grapefruitize 100%]|||\] [grapefruitize COMPLETE] /\\ [grapefruitize Welcome to the social, [name $who]!]"}
|
||
proc shockley args {abezsay [14words]}
|
||
proc marine_comic_frame2 {} {let {art {box [embed [canvas 35 12] $art 2 [- 12 [llength [lines $art]]]]}} [ajoin " " [wrap [moiradrunk] 19] \n\\ \n[STmoirabald]]}
|
||
proc anime {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "<$who> So you guys can go on about your [random_word] and your [random_word] and whatever bullshit you talk about to pass the time and make the constant throbbing reminder that your life is a living hell go away. I'll be hanging out with my FRIEND, watching anime."}
|
||
proc zi {} {. "<@zi> grr"}
|
||
proc STgeordrzej {} {. " ______\n |\[=====]\n/ > \\\n\\_____O__/"}
|
||
proc SIGBART {} { . SIGBART: [subst [?? $::SIGBART]] }
|
||
proc blackjack_print_hand hand { return [eval "ajoin \"\" [blackjack_print_hand_rec $hand]"]; }
|
||
proc yt {} { if {[set ok [last [get_yt_log]]] != ""} { strchomp [youtube_title $ok] } { error {no youtube links found in chat log} } }
|
||
proc snowchar {} { uchar [?? $::snow]}
|
||
proc view_last {kind name} {set sname [sha1 $name]; set url http://shaniqua.buttes.org/git/shaniqua/log/${kind}s/$sname; . http://shaniqua.buttes.org/git/shaniqua/plain/${kind}s/$sname?id=[lindex [regexp -inline -all {\?id=([a-z0-9]+)} [wget $url]] 7] }
|
||
proc oracle {} img-oracle
|
||
proc draw bitmap {join [map $bitmap {line {fullwidth_with_formatting [join [map [split $line {}] {char {if $char {invert "x"} {. "."}}}] ""]}}] \n}
|
||
proc STsteamboat {} { return " _~ _~ \n __|=|_|=|__ \n \\ o.o.o.oY/ \n \\_______/ ";}
|
||
proc bots? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::bots]]] bots}
|
||
proc buttespoem {{who {}}} {?? $::buttes_poems_dict}
|
||
proc trapezoid {{x 20} {y 10}} {set my_n 0; join [map [split [regsub -all {\|} [box [canvas $x $y]] "\\"] \n] {l {set my_n [expr $my_n + 1]; . [string repeat " " $my_n] $l}}] \n}
|
||
proc gis args {?? [regex -all -inline {(http.{1,100}?(?:jpe?g|png|gif|bmp))} [cwget https://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/services/search/images?v=1.0&q=[urlencode $args]]]}
|
||
proc fsj {{who {}}} {return "Namaste, [name $who]. I honor the place where [choose [name] [lindex_random $::fsjism]] and [choose [name] [lindex_random $::fsjism]] become one."}
|
||
proc STman {} { return " :.\".: \n _j\\-/l_ \n / . . \\ \n \\<\\ . />/ \n {| u |} ";}
|
||
proc aimf_cached_sfart args {aimify cached_sfart $args}
|
||
proc buttes_news {} {string map $::dprk_to_buttes [dprk]}
|
||
proc git {{changecount 20} {word_picker random_word}} {
|
||
set adds [rand $changecount]
|
||
set subs [rand $changecount]
|
||
set total [expr $adds + $subs]
|
||
. [format "%16.16s" [$word_picker]].[format "%-3s" [fileext_word]] | [format "%2d" $total] [color green][join [repeat $adds {. +}] ""][color red][join [repeat $subs {. -}] ""]
|
||
}
|
||
proc zs {{args {}}} {lol [error "zsh isn't a command you fag"]}
|
||
proc banlist {} {rain [set r [list];foreach {x t d j s b} [regexp -inline -all {<td align="left"><b><.*?>(.*?)</a></b></td><td nowrap><.*?>(.*?)</font></td><td nowrap><b><.*?>(.*?)</a></b></td><td>(.*?)</td><td><.*?>(.*?)} [wget http://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php]] {lappend r [fixtabs "$t\t$d\t$j\t[html $s]\t$b"]};join $r \n]}
|
||
proc isitevolution {} {. is it racist that there are no [ethnic_group] as pretty as [actor] or is it just evolution}
|
||
proc bb_phrase {} {?? $::bb_dict}
|
||
proc aimify args { set n [aimname [lindex $args 1]]; set p [lindex $args 0]; set l [lrange $args 2 end]; set m [llength [info args $p]]; if {$m==0} { return [aim -n $n [eval $p]]; }; if {$m==1} { return [aim -n $n [eval $p $n]]; }; return [aim -n $n [eval $p $n $l]]; }
|
||
proc jewboy {} {return "get up early, [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity], [jewboy_activity]... Who says they don't work hard?"}
|
||
proc insurance {} {. GOATSE INSURANCE FILE: http://security.goatse.fr/media/goatseinsurance.aes256 MD5 = b25852056cf86c9aeb42b229ed5752cd}
|
||
proc uuidgen {} {join [mapx {4 2 2 2 6} l {subst [string repeat {[format %02X [rand 256]]} $l]}] -}
|
||
proc nwonews {} {return "Top stories on InfoWars.com:\n[string map { ' '} [encoding convertfrom utf-8 [rss http://www.prisonplanet.com/feed.rss]]]"}
|
||
proc definition {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] - noun: a serious disease of the [body_part] affecting [pervert]s, transmitted by [word {^[a-z].*?(?:ing)$}] [unplural [goon_word]]s, especially by [sex_act] [name] or [word {^[a-z].*?(?:ing)$}] [size_word] [food_word ]s. synonyms: [butte_word], [name], [political_word]s"}
|
||
proc detect {list block} {
|
||
foreach value $list {
|
||
if [true? [yield $value]] {
|
||
return $value
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc politicaljoke {} {return "Q: How many [political_word]s does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: [set x [expr {int(rand()*50)+3}]] -- one to kill the [ethnic_group], one to bomb [country], and [incr x -2] to blame [political_figure]!"}
|
||
proc moirastone1 {} {return "The Moira On-line has three internal trap circuits (Microwave, RF and Electric Field) to absorb the broadest spectrum of alcohol impurities. It improves potency for virtually all-major liquors, and has also been shown to measurably increase taste when placed on beers."}
|
||
proc giz args {gis args}
|
||
proc v:decrypt {n m h c t} {
|
||
catch "channel get ${c} {FiSHkey}" key;
|
||
set result {};
|
||
|
||
if {[string length ${key}]} {
|
||
# TODO should /putlog/
|
||
set t [decrypt ${key} ${t}];
|
||
regexp {^([^ ]+) ?} ${t} {} t0;
|
||
|
||
# TODO ~ matches 1 or more space characters (can be used for whitespace between words)
|
||
foreach {h f g i p} [join [binds]] {
|
||
if {[string first ${g} ${t0}] != -1 && ${h} == "pub"} {
|
||
set t [string map "\"${g} \" {}" ${t}];
|
||
uplevel #0 [concat ${p} ${n} ${m} ${h} ${c} [list ${t}]];
|
||
};
|
||
};
|
||
|
||
return $result;
|
||
};
|
||
}
|
||
proc moirastone2 {} {return "Intoxication production is clearer, with more liquidity, dynamics and focus. The improved inter-transient alcohol-flow allows the drinker to taste the subtle ambient cues essential for accurate perception of beverage composition, width and focus."}
|
||
proc about {} {return [bgt SHANIQUA v4.20]}
|
||
proc wunderground args {set page [wget_follow http://mobile.wunderground.com/cgi-bin/findweather/getForecast?brand=mobile_metric&query=[urlencode $args]]; set pageSnippet [last [regexp -inline {"conditions"></a>(.+?)</table>} $page]]; . "[html [last [regexp -inline {(Observed .+?)</b>} $pageSnippet]]]\n[fuckingcolumns [wunderground_fmt_fun $pageSnippet]]"}
|
||
proc loadproc args {. [join $args]: [strip_space [html [strip_html [last [regexp -inline {<div class=.definition.>(.*?)</div>} [cwget http://pluto.xzibition.com/~redukt/v.tcl +]]]]]]]}
|
||
proc has args {if [llength $args] {return "urmom has $args"} {return "tcl has a bigger [random_word] than u am i rite"}}
|
||
proc arabwtc {{who {}}} {aflip [stampsay -s wtc [concat "<[name $who]> I remember when I crashed WTC, way back in [regsub -all {(\d\d)0(\d)} [rand 1900 2008] {\1-aught-\2}]"]]}
|
||
proc fidel {{who {}}} {goonsay "HEY [upper [name $who]] IM GONNA STUFF YOUR ASS FULL OF CAKE"}
|
||
proc stripcolon a { lindex [split $a ":"] 0 }
|
||
proc hbk args {. "$args ...ooo000 HIGHLIGHT BUFFER KILLAH 000ooo..."}
|
||
proc fst l {lindex $l 0}
|
||
proc anormalize_tag_name tag { normalize_tag_name $tag }
|
||
proc stairs {} { join [map [zip [seq 1 9] {{`_`} {,'/} {:O} {`,\ } {,¯.} {/,'} {O:} {\',} {`_`}}] {{a b} {. [string repeat " " [* 3 $a]] \\__ $b }}] \n}
|
||
proc n_arsebackwards_rands {n max} {set aret [list]; foreach z [n_nist_rands $n] {lappend aret [expr $z % $max]}; return $aret}
|
||
proc hax {} {return "TEST"}
|
||
proc bmi_calc {lb in} {set bmi [expr $lb * 703 / pow($in, 2)]; return [expr floor([expr $bmi * 10])/10] }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+tod)$/} {match args} {[?? {bgbt bt fg wet}] [last $match]}
|
||
proc morejars {} {more {http://churchturing.org/w/jars.txt}}
|
||
proc eugenics {} { . $::eugenics }
|
||
proc faggots {} {return "Kalle"}
|
||
proc notmyacq {} {return [string map {"my " ""} [acquaintance_word]]}
|
||
proc HELLO {} {choose [falafel] [funds] [mao] [algebra] [rolloffle2] [terrorist2]}
|
||
proc hi5 {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[nick] o/*\\o $who"}
|
||
proc ful {{who {}}} {. <[name $who]> [string range [imaboring] 7 end-4]}
|
||
proc fuckedup {} { . "[name]: I like the taste of semen on a sweltering day." }
|
||
proc STbigbaby {} {. " .@@@@@.\n / \\\n / 6 6 \\\n( ^ ,)\n \\ c /-._\n `._____.' `--.__\n \\ / `/``''''-.\n Y 7 / :\n | /n/ | .--. :\n / /__ \\/ `.__.:.____.-.\n / / / `'''` / .-'..____.-. \\\nB jgs _.-' /_/ ( \\-. \\"}
|
||
proc strip_color str {regsub -all {\d{1,2}(,\d{1,2})?} $str {}}
|
||
proc jerkrain3 {} {sinewave [join [map [jerkcity] {word {. "\00300,[gridse_colour] $word "}}] ""]}
|
||
proc fun args {funfont $args █ [rpick {║ ╪ ░ ▀ ▐ ◊ ▼ ▪ ◦ ● ♥ ☻ ☼ ♫}]}
|
||
proc STtigger args { return " ;\\ .|\\-,\n '.\\ | \\ `,\n ._ \[\] /._ .\n __ / _ _ \\_ .\\ _.--.\n /--,| 0) 0) )`_.--,)\n | ;.-----.__ _-');, /\n '--./ | `.`\\ / `'`\n ___..,/; ; |--/--._\n `_.---'| \\ / /`;'-._\n.' .--'\\ '---' / /|`-. '.\n ';-----;` / |\n /``-...' /.:;\n | |'``\n"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^->(\w*)$/} {matches cmd args} { translate2 [second $matches] $args }
|
||
proc tincanada str {tinfoil [shittify [canada [say "$str"]]]}
|
||
proc sam_url {} {string map {{ } {-}} "http://www.amazon.com/[ucwords [crw_word]] [choose Ruby Prototype Rails JavaScript] [ucwords [crw_word]]/dp/1555836291/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211841755&sr=1-1"}
|
||
proc moresleep? {} {coffeeback MORE COFFEE}
|
||
proc space str {set str [regsub -all \ $str {}]; set str [split $str {}]; if {[llength $str] < 3} return [join $str \ ]; set spaces [map1 [q [expr {[llength $str]-1}]] {string repeat " "}]; set ret ""; foreach i $str j $spaces {append ret $i$j}; return $ret}
|
||
proc reservedomain domain {http get http://www.networksolutions.com/whois/results.jsp?domain=$domain; return "Congratulations! You've reserved $domain (if it's not registered already)"}
|
||
proc array_map {f a} {mapx [array names ::$a] x {$f $x [cdr [array get ::$a $x]]}}
|
||
proc quote {who {n 1}} { join [top [shuffle [nlsplit [lquote $who 1337]]] $n] \n}
|
||
proc burk2 {} {return "hi my name is burk; when im [booze_act_word] too much [drink] i have orgies on top of [tranny_word]"}
|
||
proc drill_line {} {subst [lindex_random $::drill_lines]}
|
||
proc torchan {} {. http://hkfjbmo2rdjun56b.onion/}
|
||
proc coolfontdrunk args {regsub -all {([a-z]|[A-Z]|[0-9])} [rwfg $args Letters 18] \u2588}
|
||
proc infect {{who {}}} {me "gives [name $who] [disease_word]"}
|
||
proc gmm args {gudrize [mm $args]}
|
||
proc blackberry {{who {}}} {rocketcocksay [wrap "[bb_phrase] [choose "THINK ABOUT IT" "Check MATE"], [name $who]" 40]}
|
||
proc darrensay {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [darren_word]}; stampsay -s darren $fart}
|
||
proc kim_jong_il {} {pink [chinksay [lindex_random $::kim_jong_il_quotes]]}
|
||
proc cockes㎙ {} {. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ2X9SANsME}
|
||
proc dasbutan {} {return "[bgc 01 04 1 volk]\n \n[bgc 04 01 1 reich]\n \n[bgc 01 04 1 butan]"}
|
||
proc gmo {} {flip [omg]}
|
||
proc phpfartcloud {} { embed [STfartcloud] [choose PHP FART] 6 4 }
|
||
proc heh {} {bt \"heh\"}
|
||
proc cherri args { return "[color white on black]When [color red on black]Cherri[color white on black] sits around $args, she really sits around $args"}
|
||
proc newsstory {} {return "[join [list [headline] [news_paragraph01] [news_paragraph02] [news_paragraph03]] \n]"}
|
||
proc buttfood {{a {}} {b {}}} {return "Who likes buttfood more: [name $a] or [name $b]?"}
|
||
proc fuckingcolumns {testo {box box} {sep { | }}} {
|
||
set testo2 [lrepeat [llength [lindex $testo 0]] 0]; set testo2 [map [.. [llength $testo2]] {i {max [map $testo {j {string length [strip_all [lindex $j $i]]}}]}}]; [expr ("$box"!="box")?"return":"$box"] [join [map $testo {i {join [map [.. [llength $i]] {j {return [lindex $i $j][string repeat " " [expr [lindex $testo2 $j]-[string length [strip_all [lindex $i $j]]]]]}}] $sep}}] "\n"]
|
||
}
|
||
proc whale {} {return { __ __ I'M GAY GAY GAY
|
||
__ \ / __ IN A SPECIAL WAY
|
||
/ \ | / \ /
|
||
\|/ /
|
||
_,.---v---._ /
|
||
/\__/\ / \ /
|
||
\_ _/ / \
|
||
\ \_| @ __|
|
||
\ \_
|
||
\ ,__/ / BY EGG}}
|
||
proc trumpet {} {join {{ /|} { NO ONE PLAYS ME XYX XYX XYX ,-. LIKE RADEON .' |} {,-.__________________H___H___H__(___)_____________________,-' |} {| ||__________________________________________ ___ `._____ | toot toot} {`-" / / | | | | | | | `. `-. |} { | | | | _ | | | ,-. | | | `. |} { | | ________| ,"_)| | |__(___)________|_ | | |} { ' .' ________).`-.|-| |_______________|_\_.' / |} { `-`._________)|`-'|-| |____________________.'@/} { `------------|_| |_| |_|-----------------'J `-'} {}} {
|
||
}}
|
||
proc sine2 {volume duration pitch} {. http://churchturing.org/x/sine2/sine2-[closest $duration $::sine2duration]-[closest $volume $::sine2volume]-[closest $pitch $::sine2pitch].wav}
|
||
proc fotwenny {} {return "___________________ _-_ \n \\==============_=_/ ____.---'---`---.____ \n \\_ \\ \\----._________.----/ \n \\ \\ / / `-_-'\n __,--`.`-'..'-_\n /____ || BEEP BEEP RED ALERT FAGGOT SIGHTED OFF OF THE\n `--.____,-' STARBOARD BOW! FO'TWENNY SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY!"}
|
||
proc STsonic {} {join $::STsonic_lines \n}
|
||
proc aimhug {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [grouphug]}
|
||
proc scots {} {return Analraped}
|
||
proc planet {} {?? {Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Neptune Uranus}}
|
||
proc jewday {} jewboy
|
||
proc yotsperg {} {. "Joshua Yotty: [shsc_word] can't replace true talent. Also, [grids] are not the alpha and omega of design; and [shsc_word] does not make you [zuluname] [zuluname]."}
|
||
proc masturbationhacksdata {} {return {M M AA SSS TTTTTT U U RRRR BBBB AA TTTTTT III OOO N N
|
||
MM MM A A S TT U U R R B B A A TT I O O NN N
|
||
M M M AAAA SSS TT U U RRRR BBBB AAAA TT I O O N N N
|
||
M M A A S TT U U R R B B A A TT I O O N NN
|
||
M M A A SSSS TT UUU R RR BBBB A A TT III OOO N N
|
||
H H AA CCC K K SSS
|
||
. H H A A C K K S
|
||
..+7"7:, JQQW HHHH AAAA C KK SSS
|
||
.J"` .: JHgM H H A A C K K S
|
||
f ` Jqm# ` ` H H A A CCC K K SSSS
|
||
` `.Y dkm#
|
||
..Z6+...J?11.,wqq@ ` TIPS AND TOOLS FOR
|
||
`?????????+...XHg@zi. REALLY RUBBING ONE OUT
|
||
...+tOwIHH@Nw0sO. `
|
||
JZo.JJHwSkNMH@MdddWZy1.
|
||
4Wszz2ddWKBqHHHMmNSzJllt+.
|
||
+=OWsZ&JTNQHMMMHM4JZzOaQWt
|
||
zlzwWsOz+nWWNH0wAQqHHHHH\ ..ZTTG
|
||
.OOtZdWyOzWWWkHgHHqqkkbX .Z^
|
||
uvrrZXXmgHHHqqqqqqqqkS. #
|
||
?OzrwfWkkqqqmgggHHUUC` ` `.t
|
||
?OwWkqmmgHHHU0Zv?!` J?Ov+` .F
|
||
?WkHHUUVOv+!`` NH@@H U.
|
||
??zz+!!` NkHHH .H.ggaJ.
|
||
`` .NkggH `.f= T&
|
||
.NkmgR ` +3 .Ta,.
|
||
.HkmHR .F `?
|
||
.HqmHk J|
|
||
.HqmHR .b `
|
||
JHmmHk?.??z. T, .
|
||
....+z17dNmgHHuJ++Fdo. W, ......
|
||
..+llzlOvi1dJHgHH@HMSe&.JrOZi S,`` ``..
|
||
dkllttOj1fKddNHM@@M@MkKdyvwvvZ, `.?`4,
|
||
`HWzlOrzdqMgMdMNMMMMMd#Hdel4vvrX, .! N.
|
||
.ZWWyOG?+JNdMgXkHHMMMQMN#MJckvwvrn. i,.,r
|
||
.XXWVyO4lJdHMmgHMMMMMNMMH#&I8Xzvzvwi ?1,N
|
||
1OwXWkOv&1J8H@H@HHHMMNM5Ju9rvvvzvvwd, ?vs
|
||
.zzwZXkOwww&JXNHMM8UohA&VwwvwAgQHMMM: .d6.`
|
||
.wrwvXkZwzXXWpbbHWUXXXQmkH@MMHHHHHW ..HSC`
|
||
` .OrrOXfyvuZyffWQkH@gHgHgHHmqqqkkkWMHkV!`
|
||
`OrrrXWpWH@@HMHHHHHmmmmmmmmmqqkHW=!`
|
||
`zwvvXWHgHHmqqmmmgggggggggggmqW0`
|
||
`zwryfkqqqqmmmgggggg@g@@@HHHW0I`
|
||
`zwXfkqqqmmggggg@@HHHHUU0VOI?! `
|
||
`zwWkqqmggg@HHHWWU0VOvz?!``
|
||
``?WkkHHHHWWU0VZOz?!```
|
||
` ?XUWUUXZOI+?!``
|
||
` ?1zzz?!```
|
||
____ . ___ ____ _ _ ```` ` tQn
|
||
| | ' |__] | | \_/
|
||
|__| |__] |__| | TRAN Q. NGUYEN
|
||
WITH A FOREWORD BY PAUL REUBENS }}
|
||
proc hep {} {fart 20040929.html}
|
||
proc my_penis_size {} {biggaytext [pick 1 {return 0} 9 {return kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk}]}
|
||
proc magick_id url {if ![regexp ^http://magick.buttes.org $url] {magick_id [magick noop $url]} else {lindex [regexp -inline {/([0-9a-f]*)\.} $url] 1}}
|
||
proc kazaa {} {return [string map {" " "_"} [virusfile]]}
|
||
proc islam2 nick {return "[upper [kill_verb] those who [insult_verb] $nick]"; }
|
||
proc ircnet_word {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} {return [lindex_random $::ircnet_dict]} {return $name}}
|
||
proc americanize args {return [bold][join [mapx [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] x {join [list [eval color [next_in_list {{white on red} {black on white} {white on blue}}]] $x] ""}] ""]}
|
||
proc blackjack_ace_calc {c aces} { set last $c; for {set x 0} {$x <= $aces} {incr x} { set s [expr $c + $x * 10]; if {$s > 21} { } else { set last $s; }; }; return $last; }
|
||
proc islam3 {} {return [stampsay [islam2 [name]]]}
|
||
proc gnu line {for {set i 0} {$i < [expr [llength $line] / 2 + 1]} {incr i} {set tok [lindex_random $line]; if {[string length $tok] > 3} {lappend gnulist $tok "GNU/$tok"}}; if {[info exists gnulist]} {string map $gnulist $line} {. $line}}
|
||
proc drug_doing {} {lindex_random $::drug_doings}
|
||
proc wiki:toc title {set toc [http://en.wikipedia.org/w/api.php?action=parse&prop=sections&page=[urlescape $title]]; set sections [regexp -all -inline -- {line="(.*?)"} $toc]; . $sections}
|
||
proc hex str {map1 [map1 [split $str {}] hexc] {format %02x}}
|
||
proc anita args {string repeat "duke nukem 3d innit" 1488}
|
||
proc assfag str {gudrize [tinfoil [shittify "$str SUCKS A BIG BLACK DICK"]]}
|
||
proc chinsamoira {} {return [embed [embed [chinsamid] [flip [bottle]] 27 3] "Ø\\" 25 3]}
|
||
proc winkietest args {set gapes urmom; winkietest2}
|
||
proc realrainshsc {} {set threads [threads 22]; join [map1 [map1 [lrange [knuth_shuffle_permute [llength $threads]] 0 9] {lindex $threads}] {strcat [gay]}] \n}
|
||
proc hasincogbeendeportedyet {} {clock seconds}
|
||
proc celeb_troll args { set celeb [celebrity]; regexp {[0-9]{2}/[0-9]{2}/([12][0-9]{3})} [wolfram "$celeb birth date"] whole born; return "RIP $celeb $born-[year] ~ They will be missed." }
|
||
proc translate2 {cc str} {set data [wget_follow "http://translate.google.pl/translate_a/t?client=t&hl=en&sl=auto&tl=$cc&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&multires=1&oc=1&otf=2&ssel=0&tsel=4&uptl=$cc&alttl=en&sc=1&q=[urlencode $str]"]; lindex [regexp -inline {"(.+?)"} $data] 1}
|
||
proc ran_thread {} { set num [expr {2710000+round(rand()*(2730000-2710000))}]; return "$num"}
|
||
proc lacist args {. [uchar ff08 3000 ff40 30fc 00b4 ff09][chinkerize [join $args]]}
|
||
proc niggerlastname {} {lindex_random $::niggerlastname_dict}
|
||
proc slowmystery {} {after 4000; fastmystery}
|
||
proc artwork {} {caption [gis [random_word]] [random_word]}
|
||
proc biblical args {string map $::biblical [join $args]}
|
||
proc ccrw_word {} {set crwl [split [crw_word] " "]; if {[llength $crwl] == 1} {lappend crwl ""}; c [lindex $crwl 0] [lindex $crwl 1]}
|
||
proc escapechar-n {} {return \n}
|
||
proc evenlist l {set o [list]; foreach {e odd} $l {lappend o $e;}; return $o}
|
||
proc facedox args {set id [last [regexp -inline "http://.*?\.fbcdn\.net/.*?_(\[0-9\]{8,9})_.*?\.jpg" $args]]; set src [http get "http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=$id"];. [regsub -- "-" [last [regexp -inline "http://www.facebook.com/people/(.*?)/" $src]] " "]}
|
||
proc plan {{who {[name]}}} {set m [rand 12]; each [seq 0 ${m}] {n {if {${n} == 0} { uplevel {. "${m} STEP PLAN FOR [string toupper [subst ${who}]] TO STOP HIM FROM ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT:"} } else { . "${n}: SHUT THE FUCK UP" }}}}
|
||
proc gpl {} {wget penisbird.com/ascii/gpl.txt}
|
||
proc todo:kill {{who {[nick]}}} {set who [name [subst $who]]; array unset ::todo{$who}}
|
||
proc image-advice {centerimage phrase1 phrase2 {scale 0.7}} { let {{x} {magick_scheme "(annotate (annotate [scale-and-composite-center-gen [img-advicebg] $centerimage $scale] 72 -3 3 Black \"$x\") 72 0 0 White \"$x\")"}} "$phrase1\n\n\n\n\n$phrase2"}
|
||
proc btc_roulette {} {if {[rand 2]} {btc_troll} {btc}}
|
||
proc engimo_girlfriend {} {. " [color red].\no o\n)-("}
|
||
proc translate_get_token key {urldecode [lindex [json2dict [last [http post https://datamarket.accesscontrol.windows.net/v2/OAuth2-13 grant_type client_credentials client_id shaniqua1 client_secret $key scope http://api.microsofttranslator.com]]] 3]}
|
||
proc chingoon args {apply chins $args}
|
||
proc aombrero args {sombrerify [sombrerify [apply aom $args]] { ,. }}
|
||
proc chess:valid? {boardName move} {
|
||
upvar 1 $boardName board
|
||
foreach {from to} [split $move -] break
|
||
if {$to==""} {return 0}
|
||
set fromMan $board($from)
|
||
if {[color $fromMan] != $board(toMove)} {return 0}
|
||
set toMan $board($to)
|
||
if [sameSide $fromMan $toMan] {return 0}
|
||
foreach {x0 y0} [coords $from] {x1 y1} [coords $to] break
|
||
set dx [expr {$x1-$x0}]
|
||
set adx [expr {abs($dx)}]
|
||
set dy [expr {$y1-$y0}]
|
||
set ady [expr {abs($dy)}]
|
||
if {[string tolower $fromMan] != "n" && (!$adx || !$ady || $adx==$ady)} {
|
||
for {set x $x0; set y $y0} {($x!=$x1 || $y!=$y1)} {incr x [sgn $dx]; incr y [sgn $dy]} {
|
||
if {($x!=$x0 || $y!=$y0) && $board([square $x $y])!="."} {
|
||
return 0
|
||
} ;# planned path is blocked
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
switch -- $fromMan {
|
||
K - k {expr $adx<2 && $ady<2}
|
||
Q - q {expr $adx==0 || $ady==0 || $adx==$ady}
|
||
B - b {expr $adx==$ady}
|
||
N - n {expr ($adx==1 && $ady==2)||($adx==2 && $ady==1)}
|
||
R - r {expr $adx==0 || $ady==0}
|
||
P {
|
||
expr {(($y0==2 && $dy==2) || $dy==1)
|
||
&& (($dx==0 && $toMan==".") ||
|
||
($adx==1 && $ady==1 && [sameSide p $toMan]))
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
p {
|
||
expr {(($y0==7 && $dy==-2) || $dy==-1)
|
||
&& (($dx==0 && $toMan==".") ||
|
||
($adx==1 && $ady==1 && [sameSide P $toMan]))
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
default {return 0}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc fag1 {} {return [fag2]}
|
||
proc fixdong {} {proc DONGDONGDONG {} {return "your a home"}}
|
||
proc lamejoke {} {lindex_random $::lamejoke_dict}
|
||
proc jackass {{jackass {}}} {return "[color black on red]$jackass! Obama thinks you're a jackass, jackass"}
|
||
proc hhh {} {return [color red]"hihhihihihih"* [rand 50]}
|
||
proc go:markup_atom {x y w h p} {set rw [- $w 1]; set rh [- $h 1]; if {$p == "empty"} { set pre ""; set suf ""; if {$x == 0} {set suf "left"} elseif {$x == $rw} {set suf "right"}; if {$y == 0} { set pre "top" } elseif {$y == $rh} {set pre "bottom"}; if {$pre == "" && $suf == ""} { return "empty"}; return "$pre$suf";} { return $p }}
|
||
proc fag2 {} {return [fag1]}
|
||
proc linecount str {llength [lines $str]}
|
||
proc omgwebcam {} {join $::omgwebcam \n}
|
||
proc ST_tard1 {} {return " _.----._ _.---.\n .-' `-.-' `.\n .' .:''':.`.\n .' .:'''':. .' .----. `.\n .-./ .' .----. / .-. \\ `.\n/.-. / .-. \\ \\ ' O ' | \\\n"}
|
||
proc ST_tard2 {} {return "|| `. | ' O '/ \\ `-' / |\n|| ( \\ \\ `-'/ `-.__ / `.\n \\`-' ) .-' -- ) `.\n `-' _.' ( _.-' _/\\ \\\n `. /\\_ `-.____..-' .-' _/ /\n"}
|
||
proc winkiefm2 args {lyrics2 Weird al yankovic its all about the pentiums}
|
||
proc usenet {} {return "[choose "rec.arts" "news.admin" "alt" "alt" "alt" "alt"].[choose binaries fan sex].[string map {" " "-"} [ethnic_group]].[string map {" " "-"} [adjective]]"}
|
||
proc timestamp {} {clock seconds}
|
||
proc posneg number {if {[expr $number > 0] == 1} {text:green +$number} else {text:red $number}}
|
||
proc jammin {} {. [img-jammin]\n[aud-jammin]}
|
||
proc ST_tard3 {} {return " `. \\_ `-._ _.-'_.-' .'\n `--.._ `-._ `-.__..-'_.-' .'\n `-._ `--.__..-' _.----'`\n `---.......-' \n"}
|
||
proc play sound {. http://123.campfirenow.com/sounds/$sound.mp3}
|
||
proc hairyrav args {. "<\&Rav\^> Man i want a hairy woman \n<\&Rav\^> just plain hairy"}
|
||
proc STdosbox {} {. " ._________________.\n | _______________ |\n | I I |\n | I C:>_ I |\n | I I |\n | I I |\n | I_____________I |\n !_________________!\n ._\[_______\]_.\n.___|___________|___.\n|::: ____ |\n| ~~~~ \[======\] |\n!___________________!"}
|
||
proc cockboat {{sailor {}}} {return "USS [string toupper [crw_word]]\n ~~~\\8==Captain $sailor==D/~~~"}
|
||
proc puaburga {{who kelson}} {anyburga $who [pua_location] [pua_verb] [pua_object]}
|
||
proc lastgoon {} {goonsay [join [@goons_txt]]}
|
||
proc soliloquy {} {return "To be, or not to be: that is the [butte_word]:\nWhether 'tis [act_word] in the [gudrow_word] to suffer\nThe slings and [goon_word] of outrageous [disease_word],\nOr to take a [food_word] against a sea of [ethnic_group],\nAnd by [act_word]ing end them? To die: [mood_word];\nNo more; the [butte_word]-ache and the thousand natural [goon_word]\nThat flesh is heir to, 'tis a [disease_word].\n --[name], Act 3, Scene 1"}
|
||
proc weasels_crowning_achievement {} {gold [bmi "4.005325983 stones" "0.117 fathoms"]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(\w*)->(\w*)$/:nick/mao/} {matches cmd args} {apply [list translate [or [lindex $matches 1] ""] [or [lindex $matches 2] ru]] $args}
|
||
proc ryan1 {} {goonsay plz feel free to contribute to my home router botnet}
|
||
proc rickperry {} {return "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW"}
|
||
proc waspfirstname {} {lindex_random $::wasp_names}
|
||
proc ryan2 {} {. <~ryan> I deal regularly with real russian carders that could get me killed any day}
|
||
proc recent_names {} {uniq [map [log] [& cadr]]}
|
||
proc ljoin args {set r [list];foreach l $args {foreach e $l {lappend r $e}};return $r}
|
||
proc lixin {} {return [stampsay -s chink2 "me rub ru rong time abez, eh"]}
|
||
proc map2fmt mmap { set out ""; foreach chunk [lindex $mmap 0] { foreach letter [split [lindex $chunk 2] ""] { append out "[map2fmt-a [lindex $chunk 0]][map2fmt-a [lindex $chunk 1]]$letter" } }; . $out }
|
||
proc christtrawl {} { smega { aimfish [raim christian] } }
|
||
proc classicjar {} {return {.-. .-. .-.
|
||
|_| |_| |_|
|
||
'=' '=' '='
|
||
snap into
|
||
a vlassic
|
||
...jar
|
||
}}
|
||
proc face {} {?? $::face_dict}
|
||
proc nlforget args {. "\< ninjalie\> i hate $args it makes me want to smoke less weed"}
|
||
proc juggalo {} {list Im a psychopathic faggot}
|
||
proc ceval:keys_with_ids {} {
|
||
set keys {}
|
||
foreach key [cache keys ceval] {
|
||
ceval:load $key
|
||
lappend keys [list $key $data(id)]
|
||
}
|
||
lsort -decreasing -integer -index 1 $keys
|
||
}
|
||
proc megaflag {} { . "[mac_icon AlertStopIcon]" [flag]}
|
||
proc gta {} { return "ima shoot the cops and drive forever"; }
|
||
proc pizzahuttacobell {} {. http://downloads.pitchforkmedia.com/Das%20Racist%20%26%20Wallpaper%20-%20Combination%20Pizza%20Hut%20And%20Taco%20Bell%20(Wallpaper.%20RMX).mp3}
|
||
proc trExpand chars {
|
||
set state noHyphen
|
||
set result [list]
|
||
foreach c [split $chars {}] {
|
||
switch -exact -- $state {
|
||
noHyphen {
|
||
set lastChar $c
|
||
lappend result $c
|
||
set state wantHyphen
|
||
}
|
||
wantHyphen {
|
||
if { [string equal - $c] } {
|
||
set state sawHyphen
|
||
} else {
|
||
set lastChar $c
|
||
lappend result $c
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
sawHyphen {
|
||
scan $lastChar %c from
|
||
incr from
|
||
scan $c %c to
|
||
if { $from > $to } {
|
||
error "$lastChar does not precede $c."
|
||
}
|
||
for { set i $from } { $i <= $to } { incr i } {
|
||
lappend result [format %c $i]
|
||
}
|
||
set state noHyphen
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
if { [string equal sawHyphen $state] } {
|
||
lappend result -
|
||
}
|
||
return $result
|
||
}
|
||
proc topgis args {each [lrange [gis_results [join $args]] 0 4] [& force_image]}
|
||
proc terri {} {. terri schiavo is so fuqn dead at gooncon}
|
||
proc image-terror url { magick_overlay $url http://imgur.com/cHzyc.png }
|
||
proc stripe {} {return " \n \n \n \n "}
|
||
proc haikuize_n {haimap n} {
|
||
set syls 0
|
||
while {$syls < $n} {
|
||
set hai [?? $haimap]
|
||
set ifadd [expr $syls + [lindex $hai 1]]
|
||
if {$ifadd <= $n} {
|
||
foreach word [lindex $hai 0] {
|
||
lappend rethai $word
|
||
}
|
||
set syls $ifadd
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [split $rethai]
|
||
}
|
||
proc aimfood {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [aimname]}; aim -n $who "hey, wanna grab some [food_word] at [fastfood]?"}
|
||
proc get-last-twats {user {n 10}} {odds [html [{/<text>(.*?)<\/text>/gl}[300~https://api.twitter.com/1/statuses/user_timeline.xml?screen_name=$user&count=$n&trim_user=1&include_rts=1]]]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/s\?$/} {matches cmd args} {count_nicks $cmd}
|
||
proc gay_flag {} {cdraw [map {red red orange orange yellow yellow green green blue blue violet violet} [& times 50]]}
|
||
proc fake_ssn {} {. [rand 10][rand 10][rand 10]-[rand 10][rand 10]-[rand 10][rand 10][rand 10][rand 10]}
|
||
proc figlet_ {txt {font dancingfont}} {html [last [regexp -inline {<pre class="flf">(.+?)</pre>} [last [http get "http://patorjk.com/software/taag-v1/msg1.php?font=[urlencode $font].flf&txt=[urlencode [rot13 $txt]]"]]]]}
|
||
proc octalcock {} {ncock 0}
|
||
proc cryptocan args {. "[nick], if it's any consolation, I DO know how to $args, and I don't lip it"}
|
||
proc vizgis args {if [string is integer [lindex $args 0]] {set index [lindex $args 0]; set query [join [lrange $args 1 end]]} {set index rand; set query [join $args]}; caption [ngis $index $query] $query}
|
||
proc gsr args {google_suggest_results_for $args}
|
||
proc infidel_word {} { lindex_random $::infidel_words }
|
||
proc buttesclassified {} { join [lrange [split [apply {ajoin "|" ""} [concat [map [map [repeat 3 buttesclassified:column] {x {map $x {{y} {crop [wrap $y 20] 0 0 20 30}}}}] {{z} {join $z \n} }] {""}]] \n] 0 20] \n }
|
||
proc fact args celebslander
|
||
proc aimbait {{n {}}} {return "[aim -n [aimname $n] What do you think of [hotbutton]? I think it's [lindex_random {great horrible}]...]"}
|
||
proc niggerhug {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [niggerize [grouphug] ]}
|
||
proc negronics {} {return "[negronics1]\n[negronics2]"}
|
||
proc kern {{spacing 1} args} {join [split [join $args] {}] [string repeat " " $spacing]}
|
||
proc ibm {} {flip [chinkamid]}
|
||
proc stool {} {return "[stoolchart]"}
|
||
proc lupus {} { houseback [choose {It's lupus.} {It's not lupus.}] }
|
||
proc gsw args {rainbow [sw $args]}
|
||
proc around {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [choose [ethnic_group] [political_figure] [name]]}; return "[string tolower "around $who, never [act_word] [plural [random_word]]"]"}
|
||
proc newline {} { . "\n" }
|
||
proc girlword {} {lindex_random $::girlwords}
|
||
proc cityslander {} {return "[city]? More like \"[city]-wannbe!\""}
|
||
proc wackyfullname {} {return "[choose [swede_first_name] [waspfirstname] [capitalize [viet_name]] [jewname] [zuluname]] [alshort]"}
|
||
proc 420levelup {{who {}}} {. " [b]CONGRATURATION[b]\n[center [string toupper $who] 18]\nYOU HAVE HIT MANY BONG\n AND TOKED WELL\n LEVEL UP [uchar ff01 ff01]"}
|
||
proc prion_suicide {} {. [prions] [mmm] [lastwords]}
|
||
proc gui {} {more_php {. $::tinyfugue}}
|
||
proc aimf_coin args {aimify coin $args}
|
||
proc go:spacer {} {uchar 2501}
|
||
proc fullfighterintro {} { . "[mmafighter]. [articleize [martialartist]] with a record of [rand 0 40] wins and [rand 0 40] losses"}
|
||
proc seamen {a b} { set c1 [rand_color]; set c2 [rand_color]; set c3 [rand_color]; set c4 [rand_color]; set dick ""; set semen ""; for {set i 0} {$i < $a} { incr i 1} { set dick "$dick=" }; for {set i 0} {$i < $b} { incr i 1} { set semen "$semen~" }; return "${c1}(_)_)${c2}${dick}${c3}D${c4}${semen}"; }
|
||
proc mac_count {{who {}}} {. <[nname $who]> i now own [rand 20] macs, [rand 5] appletvs, [rand 7] ipads, [rand 20] ipods, [rand 5] iphones, and [rand 4] ipod touches}
|
||
proc joke {{who {}}} {ajoin "" \n[join [lrange [split [oyh] \n] 0 end-1] \n] [peeer] \n\n\n\n[name $who]}
|
||
proc hiincog {} {s/winkie/incog/gi [hiwinkie]}
|
||
proc rainbow2_colours {} {next_in_list {04 04 07 07 05 05 08 08 09 09 03 03 10 10 11 11 12 12 02 02 06 06 13 13}}
|
||
proc faggotthegathering {} { more http://churchturing.org/y/mtg.txt }
|
||
proc swatsi {} {draw {111111111 100000001 101011101 101010001 101111101 100010101 101110101 100000001 111111111}}
|
||
proc league {} {return "[choose National Regional Southern Northern Western Eastern] [country] [string totitle [marginalize]] [string totitle [sport]] League"}
|
||
proc island {} { return "If you were stranded on an island and could only take one thing, would it be a [strip_s [goon_word]] [strip_s [goon_word]] or a sack of [strip_u [fetish_porn]] ?" }
|
||
proc saycanada args {apply sayussr $args}
|
||
proc annoyrolloffle_word {} {?? $::rolloffle_annoy_dict}
|
||
proc norse_poem {} { smega { lindex_random $::norse } }
|
||
proc engimo_name {} {set left [string trimright [word e(?:n(?:g)?)?$] eng]; set right [string trimleft [word ^(?:o|mo|imo)] imo]; return "${left}engimo${right}"}
|
||
proc idk args {set out ""; for {set i 0} {$i < [getlongestasc $args]} {incr i} { foreach item $args {set item [nlsplit [p [vpad $item [getlongestasc $args]]]]; append out "[lindex $item $i] " }; append out \n}; . [join [lrange [nlsplit $out] 0 [getlongestasc $args]] \n] }
|
||
proc zulufighter {{name {}}} { . [or $name "[zulufullname] \"[zuluname]\" [zuluname]"], fresh off the boat from [zuluname], South Africa}
|
||
proc incogstories args {set stories [lgrep "***:(?i)$args" [shuffle [array names ::incogstories]]]; if ![llength $stories] {error "No stories found"}; foreach s [lrange $stories 0 4] {append o "[b]\u2023[b] $s\n"}; return $o}
|
||
proc go:white {} {uchar 263a}
|
||
proc anyburga {{name {}} {place lunch} {verb serves} {thing cheezzburga}} {set name [name $name]; gold [hacker "hey $name yo momma in da $place $verb da $thing"]}
|
||
proc direction {} {choose "north" "east" "west" "south" "southeast" "southwest" "northwest" "northeast"}
|
||
proc dissolve {} {proc solve {} {metasolve}}
|
||
proc hmm {} {ffw [bt \"hmm\"]}
|
||
proc footlongs? {} { c 5 "dollar footlongs"}
|
||
proc dongue text { rainbow $text }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+?)agenda$/} {match args} { agenda__ [last $match] [bif [second $args] [second $args] 5] }
|
||
proc morehttp block {set key [sha1 $block]; if ![cache exists scrolliez $key] { cache put scrolliez $key [lines [uplevel #0 $block]];}; set v [cache get scrolliez $key]; set len [llength $v]; if {$len < 5} { cache delete scrolliez $key; return [join $v \n] } { cache put scrolliez $key [lrange $v 5 end]; return [join [lrange $v 0 4] \n]}}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/graham/ args {error "Invalid user \"graham\""}
|
||
proc spoiler str {return "$str"}
|
||
proc problem_old args {. Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll [or [join $args] [computer_language_word]].” Now they have two problems.}
|
||
proc dubstep {} {concat [lrepeat wub 3] swag [lrepeat [?? {wub pause gerr}] 3]}
|
||
proc kukluxklandeon {} kukluxrandeon
|
||
proc jizzcum-fix str {string map {eing ing ys ies llly ly lely ly yer er eer er inging ing chs ches} $str}
|
||
proc instr {str c} {return [string first $c $str]}
|
||
proc canada str {string map -nocase {about aboot} $str}
|
||
proc tstamp {} {. [clock format [clock seconds] -format %Y%m%d]}
|
||
proc cockedisorder {{oi {}}} {return "[name $oi] has a clear-cut case of [disorder]"}
|
||
proc durr_im_blargh {} {return [durr_im_blargh]}
|
||
proc nsplit {str {n 1488}} { if {$n == 1488} {nlsplit $str} {set out [list]; for {set i 0} {$i < [string length $str]} {incr i $n} { lappend out [string range $str $i [+ $i [- $n 1]]] }; . $out} }
|
||
proc last__ {list {count 1}} { lrange $list end-[- $count 1] end }
|
||
proc STmonkey {} {return "\"\"\"::MM::===:::===\"\"\"==///===\"\n :: ,-, ::\n :: :o~o: :: \n ::.___.-:(O):--..-::;\n \"=___ '=' ,..-\"\n :-, ' :__\n \\ \\ / :\n \\ :. .:,__:\n==ltb:::::===\"MM\"===::MM==\n"}
|
||
proc 3_test args {foreach i [2_test] {lappend out [expr log($i)]};return $out}
|
||
proc drudgelegend {} {return "[celebrity] doesn't \"buy the whole story\" of [political_figure] being [legendtitle]"}
|
||
proc fatinsult {{who {}}} {return "[fathead [expr {[rand 16]+1}]] hey, [name $who]! you [faglame] [regsub -nocase {s$} [ethnic_group] {}]!"}
|
||
proc gaydar:name {{nick {}}} { return "O\n [or $nick [name]]" }
|
||
proc 8ball args {?? $::8ball}
|
||
proc cmpdongs {} { return "[biggaybowtext "8======D"] vs. 8=D"}
|
||
proc body_part {} {lindex_random $::body_dict}
|
||
proc killah {} {. FYI: I've had my handle "[killah_handle_word]" since 96 & has nothing to do with the tragedies of the [?? $::historical_events] . [?? $::historical_events] has already taken a lot away from me, so I've stubbornly not given up my [loser_word].}
|
||
proc 9/11-15 args { each [.. 14] {{_} {jewsdidwtc}}}
|
||
proc gwp args gaywithpiss
|
||
proc columnize {list {width 72}} {
|
||
set max [maxstringlength $list]
|
||
set cols [expr ($width + 2) / ($max + 2)]
|
||
set rows [set row [list]]
|
||
|
||
foreach element $list {
|
||
lappend row $element
|
||
if {[llength $row] >= $cols} {
|
||
lappend rows $row
|
||
set row [list]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
if [llength $row] {lappend rows $row}
|
||
|
||
join [map $rows {row {
|
||
string trimright [drawrow $row [times $cols $max]]
|
||
}}] \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc uniq2 l {foreach i $l {array set o [list $i 1]}; array names o}
|
||
proc sequel {} {choose "" " II" ": The Return" ": [string totitle [name]]'s Revenge" ": Electric Boogaloo" " III" " IV"}
|
||
proc wget_to_first_h1 url {regsub {.*<[Hh]1>} [wget $url] {<h1>}}
|
||
proc uniq3 list {array set values [zip $list {}]; array names values}
|
||
proc STsperg {} STfatgoon
|
||
proc bikecatsay str { ajoin " " [hardwrap $str 30] " \n\\\n" [bikecat] }
|
||
proc test1 {} {string repeat "\n " 20}
|
||
proc obama_flag {} { string map {MILLS CHANGE! {TWO AMERICAS} {GOD DAMN AMERICA}} [edwards_flag]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^\^([A-Z\[\]_^\\])$/} {matches args} {return [format %c [expr {[scan [last $matches] %c] - 64}]][join [lrange $args 1 end]]}
|
||
proc test2 a { if {$a == [upper "what"]} { return 1 } { return 0 }}
|
||
proc spermrace args {if ![llength $args] {set args [list Gotta Get Ahead]}; ajoin " " [ncockrow 2] [sperm 1] [nomg 3] [join [lrange $args 0 4] \n]}
|
||
proc randart:istrans char { if {$char==[randart:trans]} { return 1;} { return 0;}}
|
||
proc jesus {} {return "Jesus did not hang out with the whores for the moral support."}
|
||
proc omgbeegeometry {} {return "\\_o/..\\\n \\_o/\n __/..\\\n/..\\_o/\n\\_o/\n/..\\__"}
|
||
proc ifl args {. "[lmgtfy [join $args]][fullencode "&l=1"]"}
|
||
proc aimdrudgestory args { aim -n [aimname $args] [drudgestory] }
|
||
proc spank {{fag {}}} {. "[nick] bends [name $fag] over his knee, pulls down his pants, and spanks him!"}
|
||
proc jpeg {url {width 80}} { jpg blah $url $width }
|
||
proc image-greatjob url {magick-scale-composite-bottom-right [magick grayscale $url] http://willstclair.com/img/GreatJob.gif 0.5}
|
||
proc J2EE {} {. "Does it scale?" [checkbox {who cares}]}
|
||
proc chinkml {} {pink [chinkerize [fml]]}
|
||
proc wow_race {} {lindex_random $::wow_race}
|
||
proc cache_list {list value} {if {-1 == [lsearch -exact [set ::$list] $value]} {lappend ::$list $value}; return $value}
|
||
proc magick_overlay_crop {urlbottom urltop} {magick composite [magick_id [apply {crop_to_fit_and_resize $urlbottom 0 0} [get_image_size $urltop]]] [magick_id $urltop] 0 0}
|
||
proc urfm nick {join [first [select [lines [buttesfm]] [& /[fixnick $nick]/i]]]}
|
||
proc scree {} {. "<dolphin> [rpick $::dolphin_phrases]"}
|
||
proc momjeans {{who {}}} {regsub ^HILLARY [chillary] [string toupper [name $who]]}
|
||
proc k-hate args {return "< k-hate > i got so wasted last night i decided to surprise myself with $args in my bed."}
|
||
proc view {kind name} {. http://shaniqua.buttes.org/git/shaniqua/blob/?path=${kind}s/[sha1 $name]}
|
||
proc uchar args { set rets [list]; foreach i $args {lappend rets [unichar_hex $i]}; join $rets "" }
|
||
proc shitproc88 {} {info level}
|
||
proc midnight {} {clock scan [lrange [clock format [clock seconds]] 0 2]}
|
||
proc image-kosherize url {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $url http\://i.a-13.net/kosherize.png 1.0}
|
||
proc analprobe args {return "saq is a steaming turd"}
|
||
proc gym args {goonsay $::GoonGym}
|
||
proc okey_defense_action {} {lindex_random $::okey_defense_dict}
|
||
proc check args {set out ""; foreach item $args { append out " \x02\x03\x34/\n\x02\[\x03\x34\\/\x03] $item\n \n" }; . $out }
|
||
proc corrina args {if {$args eq ""} {return [corrinize I like anime and boys]} {return [string map {"\{" "" "\}" ""} [corrinize $args]]}}
|
||
proc rocketcat {} {return " - - -- /|_/|\n |\[\[===\]\n - -- \\ ^/\n / |\n - - (\\ / |\n \\\\ / |||\n __================\n - = = ()__| |\n - = ()___\\____________/"}
|
||
proc flickrphoto_list {id args} {if {$args == ""} {set t ""} {set t "&tags=[join $args ,]"};set html [unescape_html_entities [cwget http://api.flickr.com/services/feeds/photos_public.gne?id=$id&lang=en-us$t&format=rss_200]]; set images ""; set matches [regexp -all -inline {<img src="(.*?)"} $html]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $matches]} {incr i} {if {$i % 2} {lappend images [flickr_med [html [strip_html [lindex $matches $i]]]]}}; return $images}
|
||
proc variance l { set mu [average $l]; return [expr [summation [fmap $l x "expr (\$x - $mu)*(\$x - $mu)"]] / (1.0*[llength $l] - 1.0)] }
|
||
proc mroach_cat {} {. "This just in: MINNIE IS [bold][string toupper [?? $::cat_dict]].[bold] More at [?? [seq 5 11]]." }
|
||
proc legisteldomain {} {chinksay [registerdomain]}
|
||
proc dsp2 args {return "<@dsp> [repeat [rand 5 14] welshword]"}
|
||
proc url? url { regexp -nocase {^http\:\/\/} $url }
|
||
proc array_, {arrayname key vals} { set l [array_get_default ::${arrayname} $key {}]; if {$l == {}} { set ::${arrayname}($key) {} }; , ::${arrayname}($key) $vals }
|
||
proc buttesfeld {} {. <[name]> and what's the deal with [talking_word_for #onebutan]?}
|
||
proc super_mike {{who {}}} {. "[name $who]: god, haven't you seen Airplane!?"}
|
||
proc magick_composite_top_right {urlbottom urltop} {magick_scheme (let ((img (image $urlbottom)) (ape (image $urltop ))) (composite img ape (- (width img) (width ape)) 0))}
|
||
proc incog-twat {} {. [xss]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^http://.+?watch\?v=(([a-zA-Z_0-9]|\-|_)+?)(?:$| |\&|#)$/} {match args} {. $match}
|
||
proc format_time seconds {set hours [int [expr floor($seconds/3600)]]; set seconds [int [expr $seconds - $hours * 3600]]; set minutes [int [expr floor($seconds/60)]]; set seconds [int [expr $seconds - $minutes*60]]; return "$hours hours, $minutes minutes, $seconds seconds"}
|
||
proc willfm {} {. [color [butanfm_color]]wsc [color [butanfm_color]][uchar f8ff] [color [butanfm_color]]Britney Spears [color [butanfm_color]][uchar f8ff] [color [butanfm_color]]Toy Soldier}
|
||
proc namegen {} {return [lindex_random [names]]}
|
||
proc niggerjim {} {return "[string map {" " "-"} [string totitle [niggerword]]] [waspfirstname]"}
|
||
proc STstabby args delicious_beverage
|
||
proc color_n n {return "\003$n"}
|
||
proc urbandictionary_ args {. [join $args]: [strip_space [html [strip_html [last [regexp -inline {<div class=.definition.>(.*?)</div>} [cwget http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=[join $args +]]]]]]]}
|
||
proc octalj0ke {} {chinksay I chinese, I play joke, I put [sexpart] in your [food_word]}
|
||
proc dontshitonthefloor {{name {JESUS CHRIST}}} {ajoin " " "$name\nWHAT THE FUCK\nDID YOU DO" "\n\n\n\n \\" [flippedomgdude] \n\n\n\n\n\n[STpoo] [omgchair]}
|
||
proc random_word2 {} {set dict [?? [concat [info procs *_word] [info vars ::*_dict]]]; set proc [regsub {dict$} $dict {word}]; return [$proc]}
|
||
proc quadstika {} {ajoin " " [swatsi]\n\n[swatsi] [swatsi]\n\n[swatsi]}
|
||
proc tread {{color blue}} {each [.. 16] {{outer} {. [^B][color white $color][join [map [.. 32] {{inner} {?? {＼ ／}}}] {}]}}}
|
||
proc hex2str hex {join [map [nsplit $hex 2] {x {dec2str [scan $x %x]}}] {}}
|
||
proc biggaytext {{str {}}} {text gaychar $str}
|
||
proc loves {{str {}}} {if {$str eq ""} {set str [name]}; return "$str loves [strip_u [fetish_porn]]"}
|
||
proc talking {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; return "Why is $who always talking about [talking_word_for $who] and [talking_word_for $who]?"}
|
||
proc saqs_password {} {return l34ts4q}
|
||
proc analplay {} {act plays with [nick]'s anus}
|
||
proc drug {} {lindex_random $::drug_dict}
|
||
proc xdick {} {overlay [embed [embed [canvas 1 8] [flip [ncock 4]] 1 1] [ncock 4] 1 1] [embed [embed [canvas 1 10] [ncock 4] 1 1] [flip [ncock 4]] 1 1]}
|
||
proc randart:make_canvas_old {w h} {
|
||
set out [list];
|
||
for {set y 0} { $y < $h } {incr y} {
|
||
set l [list];
|
||
for {set x 0} { $x < $h } {incr x} {
|
||
lappend l " ";
|
||
}
|
||
lappend out l;
|
||
}
|
||
return $out;
|
||
}
|
||
proc blakejanitor {} janitor
|
||
proc svn_commit {} { . "Transmitting file data [string repeat "." [rand 10 40]]\nCommitted revision [rand 1000 9999]\n" }
|
||
proc sa_thread_link threadid {return "<a href=\"[sa_thread_url $threadid]\">[sa_thread_title $threadid]</a>"}
|
||
proc whatbot args {join [mapx [lines [join $args]] line {concat Whatbot: $line}] \n}
|
||
proc union {} {return "[choose "International Brotherhood of" "Union of"] [string totitle [adjective]] [job]s[choose "" ", local no. [rand 49]" " ([city] chapter)"]"}
|
||
proc jan {} {return [gudrize [string repeat {marsha } 30]]}
|
||
proc columns args {return "12222222222333333333344444444445555555555666666666677777777778\n90123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890\nRemember kids, you have this much room to play if you expect\nyour macros to look right in normal sized terminals. Please \nrespect our ASR33 users!\n|<------------------------62 columns------------------------>|\n\nOh yeah, don't worry about how many lines you use because no\none cares if you spam."}
|
||
proc roulette_reload {} {
|
||
cache put roulette hot [rand 6];
|
||
cache put roulette current 0;
|
||
}
|
||
proc jap {} {}
|
||
proc hth {} {bt hope this helps}
|
||
proc butteshack:randomobj {} {subst [butteshack:lookup [choose ! \$ % ( * | \} ? /]]}
|
||
proc week_hash_guess args {clock format [clock scan [join $args]] -format "%G%V"}
|
||
proc wants args {. urmom wants $args}
|
||
proc jca {} {. "<jca> [fml]"}
|
||
proc zunewelcome2 {{who {}}} {return "#XD ~Z ~U ~N ~E ~+ (:# /\\ [grapefruitize SQUIR][grapefruitize TING:] \[|||[grapefruitize 100%]|||\] [grapefruitize COMPLETE] /\\ [grapefruitize Welcome to the social, [name $who]!]"}
|
||
proc irclog {{n 3}} { set ll [lrange [last [log] [+ 1 $n]] 0 [- $n 1]]; join [map $ll {{x} { . "<[second $x]> [lindex $x 3]" }}] \n }
|
||
proc incogstory args {set stories [array names ::incogstories]; if {$args == ""} {set storyt [?? $stories]} {set storyt [?? [lgrep "***:(?i)$args" $stories]]}; set o "[b]$storyt\n"; foreach l [split $::incogstories($storyt) "\n"] {append o "<@incog> $l\n"}; return $o}
|
||
proc tastytip {} {hypnosay [gudrize [. [shsc_anecdote] [mmm]]]}
|
||
proc shitstarter_old url {set content [wget_follow $url]; regexp {data-backers-count="(\d+).*data-pledged="(\d+).*data-hours-remaining="([\d.]+)} $content matched backers amount left; . $backers chumps with $amount too many dollars ($[expr $amount/$backers] per chump) -- [format "%.1f" $left] hours left}
|
||
proc ilf args {set newm [capitalize [or [join $args] [random_word]]]; . [color red on black][{s/\m(.).*?\M/\1/g} $newm] I L F :\ [color white on black]$newm I'd Like to Fuck}
|
||
proc josh {} {fatgoonwebq jog}
|
||
proc hug {{who {}} {size 0}} {let {{who size} {. [string repeat "{" $size] $who [string repeat "}" $size]}} [name $who] [if $size {. $size} {rand 5 15}]}
|
||
proc STchile {} {return "\00312,12dspd\00300,00s\00312,12pdsp\00304,04dspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00312,12dsp\00300,00dsp\00312,12dsp\00304,04dspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00312,12dspd\00300,00s\00312,12pdsp\00304,04dspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00300,00dspdspdspdspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00300,00dspdspdspdspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00300,00dspdspdspdspdspdspdspdspdsp"}
|
||
proc aimf_lamejoke args {aimify lamejoke $args}
|
||
proc rrand_color {} {format %02d [rand 2 14]}
|
||
proc image-say {url txt} {set str [wrap $txt 30]; magick_scheme (let ((img (image $url )) (balloon (image [tuxpaintstamp speech]))) (composite img (annotate balloon 14 25 25 black \"[scheme_escape $str]\") (- (width img) (width balloon)) 0))}
|
||
proc huh {} {bt huh}
|
||
proc colourise {str pairs} { foreach pair $pairs { set str [regsub -all ([lindex $pair 0]+) $str "[^C][lindex $pair 1]\\1[^C]"] }; . $str }
|
||
proc unescape_numeric_html_entity entity {format %c [string trimleft [regexp -inline {\d+} $entity] 0]}
|
||
proc testf {} { . $test }
|
||
proc nigger_comic {} {niggerize [moira_comic]}
|
||
proc mk_aimify procname { set crap "proc aimf_$procname {args} {aimify $procname \$args}"; eval $crap; return $crap }
|
||
proc plol args {return [strip_color [lol $args]]}
|
||
proc lutefisk {} {return "ja Recipe for je fish is:\njew tak a oven proof dish and smear butter all over ja inside. Den jew tak about tre pound fish and lay ja fish skin down in ja dish and put je salt all over it about one table spoon.\nen jew cover ja dish wit foiland put in ja oven set at 400 degree for about tirty or forty minutes oruntil fish is flaky.\nDen you pour off ja liquid and serve wit boiled potas and lefse and melted smear. Is good."}
|
||
proc jbs {} {. error: Bus Error}
|
||
proc ima {{a {}} {b {}} {c {}} {d {}}} {return "I'm a $a, I'm a $b, I'm a midnight $c. Taking my $d on the run"}
|
||
proc iPaded {} { string map {Poop iPad poop iPad} [poop] }
|
||
proc hva {} {ffw [bt hva?]}
|
||
proc CANADA b { set a [string repeat " [COLOR 04 04] [COLOR 04 00]*[COLOR 04 04] [COLOR 04 00] " 5] ; return "$a $b ;P $a" }
|
||
proc movieseason {} {lindex_random $::movieseasons}
|
||
proc STtute {} STfart
|
||
proc shithead {} { subst [?? $::shithead_dict] }
|
||
proc moira2 {} {bgbt what gross}
|
||
proc khan {} {return "WELL DONG COMMANDER"}
|
||
proc plop {} {return "[bgt plop!]"}
|
||
proc newcharter args {rainbow $::newcharter}
|
||
proc moira3 {} {ajoin " " [bottle] \n[wrap [moira] 35]}
|
||
proc hun {} {}
|
||
proc benchmark {} {format "%.3f urmoms per second" [expr 1000000./[lindex [time urmom 100] 0]]}
|
||
proc fecal_shape {} {lindex_random $::fecal_shapes }
|
||
proc znutar {} {return "\< znutar\> I used to [rain LARP]"}
|
||
proc wow_raid {} {lindex_random $::wow_raid}
|
||
proc moira4 {} {lindex_random {huh what gross}}
|
||
proc megaseinfetish {{who {}}} {return "[seinfetish $who]\n[seinfetish $who]\n[seinfetish $who]\n[seinfetish $who]\n[seinfetish $who]"}
|
||
proc order_array_list l {array set arr $l; set ret [list]; for {set i 0} {$i < [array size arr]} {incr i} {lappend ret $arr($i)}; return $ret}
|
||
proc moira5 {} { return $::moira5}
|
||
proc engimacro args {acroform [engimize [join $args]]}
|
||
proc word_difficulty word {lindex [odds [regexp -inline -all {<span class="subtext">(.*?)</span>} [wget http://www.dictionary.com/browse/[urlencode $word]] ]] 0}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(\d*)~(.*)/} {matches cmd args} {ceval [concat [list [last $matches]] $args] [lindex $matches 1]}
|
||
proc testo {} {info level 1}
|
||
proc plot {} {choose [sam_plot] [willplot] [swinglerplot] [km_plot]}
|
||
proc confession {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; return "<$who> My real name is actually [choose [jewfullname] [muslimname] [waspfullname]], and I'm really from [country]. I'm into [sex_act] and [crw_word]. Now that you know this, I'm quitting irc forever. \n-!- $who \[[hostmask $who]\] has quit \[Quit: [niggerphrase]\] \n<[name]> what [articleize [choose [faglame] [marginalize] [sexpart] [dndcreature] [alshort]]]"}
|
||
proc codepage {a b} {set a [format %c $a]; set b [format %c $b]; return "$a$b[join [mapx [seq 128 191] x {format %c $x}] $a$b]"}
|
||
proc thread_gen {} {return "http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=[ran_thread]"}
|
||
proc infid3l {} {. "lol"}
|
||
proc buya? {} {wet buy ten macs}
|
||
proc dukeku {} {string map {1460 2360} [old_dukeku]}
|
||
proc happy {} {cx :)}
|
||
proc german args {subst [regsub -all {\y(\w+)\y} [string map $::german_alphabet [string tolower [join [escape $args]]]] {[replace_exact $::german_translation_key \1]}]}
|
||
proc STchina {} {return [ajoin "" [STchink2] [STchink2] [STchink2] [STchink2]]}
|
||
proc find_in_vars str {set ret [list]; foreach var [info globals] {if {![array exists ::$var]} {if {[string first $str [set ::$var]] != -1} {lappend ret $var}}}; if {$ret eq ""} {set ret "None"}; return $ret}
|
||
proc btc_tfill {} {set ::btc_prev [. $::btc_last]; regexp {\"last\"\:(.*?)\}} [https://mtgox.com/code/data/ticker.php] -> ::btc_last; if {$::btc_last < $::btc_prev} {set ::btc_status COLLAPSING; set ::btc_color red}{set ::btc_status RALLYING; set ::btc_color green}}
|
||
proc alpha_fauxcyrillic args { alpha_replace ДБҀↁЄFБНІЈЌLМИФРQЯЅГЦVЩЖЧZ [join $args] }
|
||
proc cached_fart {} { set out [lindex_random $::cached_fart]; if {[rand 6] == 0} { catch { set out [fart]; lappend ::cached_fart $out} }; return $out; }
|
||
proc fagfagga {} 2**31
|
||
proc wigger {} keepitreal
|
||
proc waffle {} waffleimages
|
||
proc w/e2 oh {. [uchar 2510 28 27 ff5e 60 ff1b 29 250c 20]$oh}
|
||
proc smallcaps_titlecase args {. [map [split [join $args { }] { }] {word {join [list [string toupper [string range $word 0 0]] [smallcaps [string range $word 1 end]]] {}}}]}
|
||
proc -agenda {who regex} {upvar ::agenda($who) lre_temp_list; lremove lre_temp_list [lsearch -regex $lre_temp_list $regex];}
|
||
proc butanfm {} lastfm:butanfm
|
||
proc twitgrep q {
|
||
set q [string map {# {%23}} $q];
|
||
set page [wget http://search.twitter.com/search.atom?q=$q];
|
||
set titles [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} $page];
|
||
set names [regexp -all -inline {<uri>(.*?)</uri>} $page];
|
||
set i 3;
|
||
set j 1;
|
||
set x [lindex $titles $i];
|
||
set n [lindex $names $j];
|
||
while {$x ne ""} {
|
||
lappend out "[bold]$n[bold] $x";
|
||
incr i 2;
|
||
incr j 2;
|
||
set x [lindex $titles $i];
|
||
set n [lindex $names $j];
|
||
}
|
||
html [join $out "\n"]
|
||
}
|
||
proc drawline {f x0 y0 x1 y1 {i 1}} {
|
||
set out $f;
|
||
set dx [expr abs($x1-$x0)];
|
||
set dy [expr abs($y1-$y0)];
|
||
set err [expr $dx-$dy];
|
||
set sx 1;
|
||
set sy 1;
|
||
set it 0;
|
||
|
||
while {1==1} {
|
||
incr it;
|
||
if {$it > 100} {return $out}
|
||
set out [2dsetchar $out $x0 $y0 \u2588];
|
||
if {$x0 == $x1 && $y0 == $y1} { return $out }
|
||
set e2 [expr 2*$err];
|
||
if {$e2 > [expr $dy*-1]} {
|
||
set err [expr $err - $dy];
|
||
set x0 [expr $x0 + $sx];
|
||
}
|
||
if {$x0 == $x1 && $y0 == $y1} {
|
||
set out [2dsetchar $out $x0 $y0 \u2588];
|
||
return $out;
|
||
}
|
||
if {$e2 < $dx} {
|
||
set err [expr $err+$dx];
|
||
set y0 [expr $y0+$sy];
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc uglydongswastika {} { set n [rand 4]; swastika [ajoin "" [ncock $n] [vflip [ncock $n]]] }
|
||
proc STmacrumors {} {return " __________\n (--\[ .\]-\[ .\]\n ( O )\n (_______v__)"}
|
||
proc STchimp {} {join {{ __} { c(..)o} { (=)__} { /\ \ } { w__/(_) m} { /|} { | \ } { m m}} \n}
|
||
proc testy {} {set cc [concat $::disease_dict $::penis_dict $::drug_dict $::niggerwords $::jewnames $::jewsurnames $::::muslim_firstname]; set w [lindex_random [lsearch -inline -regexp -all $cc "t$"]]; set w [string map {{ } "-"} $w]; return "$wbus"; }
|
||
proc stringDistance {a b} { set n [string length $a]; set m [string length $b]; for {set i 0} {$i<=$n} {incr i} {set c($i,0) $i}; for {set j 0} {$j<=$m} {incr j} {set c(0,$j) $j}; for {set i 1} {$i<=$n} {incr i} {for {set j 1} {$j<=$m} {incr j} {set x [expr {$c([- $i 1],$j)+1}]; set y [expr {$c($i,[- $j 1])+1}]; set z $c([- $i 1],[- $j 1]); if {[string index $a [- $i 1]]!=[string index $b [- $j 1]]} {incr z; }; set c($i,$j) [min $x $y $z]; }; }; set c($n,$m)}
|
||
proc image-geordi {url {index 0}} { magick_glasses $url http://churchturing.org/x/geordi-visor-overlay.png $index}
|
||
proc 2_test_shitty_name_graph_todo_later args {set a [test_shitty_name_graph_todo_later];set out [list];for {set i 1} { $i < [llength $a]} {incr i 3} {lappend out [lindex $a $i]}; return $out}
|
||
proc cross {a b} {overlay [embed [embed [canvas 1 8] $b 1 1] $a 1 1] [embed [embed [canvas 1 10] $a 1 1] $b 1 1]}
|
||
proc STchink {} { return " ________ \n /________\\\n ( \\ / )\n (____o___)"; }
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^dr(.+)/ {matches args} {set who [last $matches]; eval "${who}back [winkiediagnosis]"}
|
||
proc reject {list block} {
|
||
set result [list]
|
||
foreach value $list {
|
||
if [false? [yield $value]] {
|
||
lappend result $value
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return $result
|
||
}
|
||
proc cablecar {{townie {}}} {return "zomg CABLE CAR SHUTDOWN How will $townie get to $townie town"}
|
||
proc feedback {} {subst [lindex_random $::feedback]}
|
||
proc funfact {} {subst [join [lselect_random $::funfacts 1]]}
|
||
proc mmmdennis {} {magick annotate [magick-scale-composite-bottom-left [img-dennis end-1] [img-sambtmleft] 0.5] 60 10 10 white [wrap [mmm] 20] }
|
||
proc supershaktimond {} {ajoin " " [shaktimond] "\n\n\n\n[capitalize [shakti_word]] Hacks have been Applied"}
|
||
proc seamonster {{args {}}} { return "[name $args]: your mother is a sea monster" }
|
||
proc albot_abuse {} {giga . Albot: niggers rolloffle}
|
||
proc bazooka2 {} {return " _________________________________ __ ______\n |_________________________________| __===______)\n | / ||_| ||\n |_/ || || Lovingly, I slid my bazooka shell"}
|
||
proc emacs {} {return "I was wondering if anyone had known of a version of Emacs, the redhat programming software. I fell in love with it when i was learning perl, and was hoping someone had a copy for XP."}
|
||
proc targetpractice {} {embed [embed [embed [embed [embed [flip [flip [chinsamid]]] [ncock 3] 23 6] . 30 6] . 32 5] . 34 4] [flip [omg]] 35 2}
|
||
proc darrenscurrentwallpaper {} {return "darren_'s current xp wallpaper: [gis "doujin huge tits"]"}
|
||
proc int num {expr int($num)}
|
||
proc gayholes {} {cache put lol lol [?? $::ass_verb_past_tense]; . [gis [cache get lol lol] gay holes]\n[bold][color red][upper [cache get lol lol]] GAY HOLES}
|
||
proc aimf_kanye args {aimify kanye $args}
|
||
proc botsnack args { return ":)" }
|
||
proc prolapse args {act "watches along with the rest of the channel as [name $args] suddenly groans in pain as his anus suddenly and violently prolapses itself!"}
|
||
proc phobe {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]phobe"}
|
||
proc layout args {tr фисвуапршолдьтщзйкыегмцчня abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz $args}
|
||
proc jew {} {return "___/_\\___\n\\ /\0034$\003 \0034$\003\\ /\n > VVV <\n/_\\___/_\\\n \\ /"}
|
||
proc colwidth {colnum table} {maxstringlength [map $table {{row} {lindex $row $colnum}}]}
|
||
proc image-abeztuxpaint img { tcl *bottom-right $img [tuxpaint spacewalk]}
|
||
proc giveup {} {if {[- [clock seconds] $::trivia_last] < 30} {. you must wait 30 sec before giving up} {. $::trivia_answer\n[trivia $::trivia_cat]} }
|
||
proc named_mystery {{g *}} {set n 1;while {$n>0} {set p [lindex_random [info procs $g]];set n [llength [info args $p]]};catch $p v;set ret [list $p $v];join $ret \n}
|
||
proc myfriends {} { set c [+ 1 [cache_get_default myfriends count 0]]; cache put myfriends count $c; . my friends: $c}
|
||
proc wntd_object {} { lindex_random $::wntd_object }
|
||
proc twits {username {n 25}} {join [twits2 $username $n] \n}
|
||
proc test1488.v2 {} { . "lol faggot" }
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^http:(.*)4chan.org/ {matches args} {. piss off}
|
||
proc niggerize args {string map $::niggerize [string tolower [join $args]]}
|
||
proc hugegoon {} {join [lrange [lines [join [map [lines [STgoon]] {line {apply {ajoin ""} [map [split $line {}] {char {if {$char eq " "} {sdraw 00000} {bt $char}}}]}}] "\n \n"]] 4 end] \n}
|
||
proc STgerbil {} {return " . .\n (>\\---/<)\n ,' `.\n / q p \\\n ( >(_Y_)< )\n >-' `-' `-<-.\n / _.== ,=.,- \\\n /, )` '( )\n ; `._.' `--<\n: \\ | )\n\\ ) ;_/\n `._ _/_ ___.'-\\\\\\\n `--\\\\\\"}
|
||
proc rules2 args {set ret [list]; foreach x [lines $::newcharter] {lappend ret "[string range $x 0 65]\n";};rainbow [join $ret]}
|
||
proc review_flags {} {return "[color blue]All flags cleared. Glines have been issued. Thankyou for reviewing offensive chats."}
|
||
proc parse_ultimo_nslookup {tag state props body} { upvar 2 results results_list; if {$tag == "BR"} { lappend results_list [string trim $body]; }; }
|
||
proc STmuzziegoon {} { join [list { __________} { ($$$$$$$$$$)} { (--[ =]J[ =]} { (_______~__)}] \n }
|
||
proc ercompare {{wordup {}}} { return "[color blue on black]$wordup \n[color blue on black]$wordup[color red on black]er \n[color blue on black]$wordup[color red on black]est"}
|
||
proc cache_get_default {name key default} {if [cache exists $name $key] { return [cache get $name $key] } { return $default } }
|
||
proc dec2bin {i {endian B}} {binary scan [binary format i $i] [concat2 $endian 8] ok; . $ok}
|
||
proc morebeer? {} {beerback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]}
|
||
proc areyoufat {{who {}}} {*goonsay [name $who]: [?? $::fatquestion]}
|
||
proc lomarf args {array set a [args $args];if {[lsearch [array names a] n] > -1} {set n $a(n)} {set n 50};join [mapx [seq 1 [rand $n]] x {lindex_random [concat $a(args)]}] {}}
|
||
proc STpig2 {} {. " ,.\n (_|,.\n ,' /, )_______ _\n __j o``-' `.'-)'\n(\") \\'\n `-j |\n `-._( / \nhjw |_\\ |--^. /\n /_]'|_| /_)_/\n /_]' /_]'"}
|
||
proc welsherize args {set a [next_in_list [list c y w m r g]]; set e [next_in_list [list c y w m r g]];set o [next_in_list [list c y w m r g]]; set u [next_in_list [list c y w m r g]]; set i [next_in_list [list c y w m r g]]; join [string map -nocase [list a $a e $e o $o u $u i $i] $args]}
|
||
proc hella-bell {} {subst [say {\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007\007}]}
|
||
proc farmville {} {return "Congratuations, [nick] [farm_word]"}
|
||
proc allebooner {} kalleboner
|
||
proc jgs {} {. "http://www.geocities.com/spunk1111/jgs99.jpg"}
|
||
proc cleanbigjewnicodeswastika {} {return {
|
||
???
|
||
?? ??
|
||
?? ???
|
||
?? ?? ?? ???
|
||
?? ?? ?? ?? ??
|
||
??? ?? ?? ??
|
||
??? ?? ?? ? ??? ??
|
||
?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ? ?? ??
|
||
??? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ???
|
||
?? ?? ? ??? ?? ?? ? ??
|
||
?? ?? ?? ? ?? ?? ???
|
||
?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ???
|
||
?? ? ?? ?? ?? ??
|
||
??? ?? ?? ??
|
||
??? ?? ??
|
||
?? ? ??
|
||
???
|
||
}}
|
||
proc rand_digit {} {format %c [expr {int(48+rand()*10)}]}
|
||
proc fart {{fart random.cgi}} { more [concat get_fart $fart] }
|
||
proc magick-scale-composite-bottom-right {url1 url2 {scale 0.5}} { magick_scheme [scale-and-composite-gen $url1 $url2 $scale B R] }
|
||
proc hyphenate str {string map {_ - { } -} $str}
|
||
proc go:remove_structure {x y} {go:render_board [go:set_current_game [go:fill_flood_remove [go:getxy [go:current_game] $x $y] [go:current_game] $x $y]]}
|
||
proc 2pac {} {ajoin "" [sunglass [string map {{[. ]} {[ .]}} [flip [STfullcsammis]]]] [sunglass [STfullcsammis]]}
|
||
proc fakeqdb {} {cache_lolqdb_quote_lines; join [mapx [string repeat 0\ [expr {[rand 4] + 1}]] x {lindex_random $::lolqdb_lines}] \n}
|
||
proc STzenoctal {} {join {{ _______ } { ( _ _ ) } { (____.__) } {/ __ __ \ } {\_____O=O___/ } {/ \/_ \ } {\_____/__\__/ }} \n }
|
||
proc 14turds {} {{s/white children/brown turds/} [{s/people/feces/} [14words]]}
|
||
proc btroll {} {bpost [trolldb]}
|
||
proc cached_obama {} {if [catch obama result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_obama]}; cache_list cached_obama $result}
|
||
proc urw2 nick {set testo2 [lsearch -all -inline -regexp [array names ::myweather] "(?i)^$nick$"]; . $::airport([upper $::myweather($testo2)])}
|
||
proc engimize args {string map -nocase $::engimodict [join $args]}
|
||
proc aimf_cached_onehug args {aimify cached_onehug $args}
|
||
proc exbattle {} { map [odds [{/<img src="(pics_cache.*?)"/gl} [http://www.exbattles.com/]]] {{x} {. http://exbattles.com/$x}} }
|
||
proc andrzej_inlaws {} {return {<andrzej> I just got a holiday card from my girlfriend's parents. It said "For Andrzej in 2009: Stop fucking our jewish daughter you nazi-sympathizer."}}
|
||
proc delegate args {set args [car $args]; set l [llength $args]; if {$l < 2} { return [delegate:single [car $args]] } { return [delegate:multiple $args] }}
|
||
proc STfullmoira2 {} {embed [STfullmoira] "SUPPORT\nOUR TROOPS" 13 10}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(..)trip$/} {matches cmd args} {roundtrip [join $args] [lindex $matches 1]}
|
||
proc isa {{who {}} {n 5}} {join [repeat $n {set what [lindex_random $::randacro([string tolower [format "%c" [rand 65 90]]])]; if [regexp -nocase {^[aeiou]} $what] { set a "an"; } else { set a "a"; }; . "[name [uplevel {. $who}]] is $a $what"}] \n}
|
||
proc wear_this args {. $args: wear [clothing], [clothing], and [clothing]. Nothing else.}
|
||
proc unknown:handler_for args {
|
||
set cmd [lindex $args 0]
|
||
set nick [nick]
|
||
set line [join $args]
|
||
set regex {^unknown:(?:\d+:)?(.*?)(/(.*)/|\((.*)\))$}
|
||
set handler [list]
|
||
|
||
if {$cmd ne ""} {
|
||
foreach proc [lgrep $regex [lsort [info procs unknown:*]]] {
|
||
regexp $regex $proc {} var arg
|
||
set value [string range $arg 1 end-1]
|
||
|
||
switch -- [string index $arg 0] {
|
||
"/" {
|
||
if [llength [set matches [regexp -all -inline $value [set $var]]]] {
|
||
set handler [list $proc $matches]
|
||
break
|
||
}
|
||
} "(" {
|
||
if {![catch {unknown_$value $cmd match} matches] && $matches} {
|
||
set handler [list $proc $match]
|
||
break
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
return $handler
|
||
}
|
||
proc hzu {} {. [spew]}
|
||
proc Winkie {{name Winkie}} {return "sup [name $name] what are you doing with your life these days other than chatting worthlessly on irc most of the time?";}
|
||
proc card_club a { return "$a\n _\n _( )_\n(_._._)\n / \\\n $a";}
|
||
proc fimfiction_txt {} {bronysay [?? [twits2 fimfiction_txt]]}
|
||
proc strlen str { string length $str }
|
||
proc googlecp {} {set cp [cp]; set query [google $cp]; return "$cp\n$query"}
|
||
proc preflag {} {. [color white on red] [b]Warning[b] [color] The following lines may contain inappropriate language or violence. Please proceed with caution.}
|
||
proc lower args {string tolower [join $args]}
|
||
proc ultrarain str {rainb [rain $str]}
|
||
proc sheepsay txt {ajoin "" [wrap [join $txt] 50] "\n\\" [flip [STsheep]]}
|
||
proc _dict_get {dv args} {
|
||
if {![llength $args]} {return $dv} else {
|
||
array set dvx $dv
|
||
set key [lindex $args 0]
|
||
set dv $dvx($key)
|
||
set args [lrange $args 1 end]
|
||
return [eval [linsert $args 0 _dict_get $dv]]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc alert_base {} {pick 1 alert1 1 alert2}
|
||
proc jre2 args {return "[comedian] would work that into a bit about [political_figure] thinking [seinfeld_word] live on the moon. [fatgoon_finale]."}
|
||
proc gorfsay args {ajoin " " [STgorf] "\n\n" [wrap [join $args] 50] }
|
||
proc STfulldukeku {} {embed [embed [embed [canvas 18 15] [STfullgoon] 1 4] [ncock 2] 15 1] [ncock 2] 10 1}
|
||
proc biggestfag {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "The biggest fag in #buttes is: [rainbow $who]"}
|
||
proc jre3 args {return "I used to have money when I worked with jail bait, but then I got caught fucking them."}
|
||
proc canadian_object {} {lindex_random $::canadian_objects}
|
||
proc ceval:get {script result_var} {
|
||
set key [sha1 $script]
|
||
if [ceval:exists $key] {
|
||
ceval:load $key
|
||
uplevel [list set $result_var $data(result)]
|
||
return 1
|
||
}
|
||
return 0
|
||
}
|
||
proc sheeple {} {. i like how [celebrity] preaches that we're all one consciousness and the view of separateness or being "better" or "worse" than anyone is an illusion, yet his followers do nothing but talk about how THEY have enlightenment/chosen message/whatever and contrast themselves with the sheeple}
|
||
proc nicechair {} {. [img-nicechair] [arcade "nice chair!" pabom 6]}
|
||
proc rss_get {rssfeed {interval 3600}} { http://feeds.churchturing.org/dynamic/dynamic.php?z&interval=$interval&url=[urlencode $rssfeed] }
|
||
proc imnota {} {return "I'm not a [shsc_word], that's what's so [shsc_word] about this."}
|
||
proc card_deck {} { set x {}; foreach {suit} {S D C H} { foreach {num} { 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 J Q K A} { lappend x "$suit.$num"; }; }; return $x; }
|
||
proc fbid2name id { rget {id="pageTitle">(.+?) - } [wget https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=$id] }
|
||
proc trac_dhl nul {. [engimize dhl]}
|
||
proc ism {} {word ism$}
|
||
proc quiet_drudge args { http post http://drudgereport.com/cgi-bin/fastfeedback.cgi Send SUBMIT body [join $args]; return "MESSAGE RECEIVED... WILL CONSIDER AND INVESTIGATE...";}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^gaywith(.*)/ {matches cmd args} {return "Are you GAY? Are you [string toupper [last $matches]]ED? Are you GAY WITH [string toupper [last $matches]]?"}
|
||
proc strip_winkies {} {. {WINKIE FIX BOT}}
|
||
proc creampie {} {fart 20090831.html}
|
||
proc whatbotinfiniteloop. args {apply {. Whatbot: whatbotinfiniteloop} $args}
|
||
proc operflag {{args {}}} {return "[bold][color orange]The current oper's behaviour has been flagged as offensive chat due to [color red][string totitle [or [join $args] [[?? {offensive_word dnd_word}]]]][color orange]. The chat text will be forwarded to users of this network so they may mock it."; set lines [collect_lines]; submit_oper $lines}
|
||
proc tinyimg url {force_image [tinyurl $url]}
|
||
proc jkl {} {wt2 GET OUT POOPY MARK}
|
||
proc menards {} {menardsback [upper save big money at menards]}
|
||
proc hidennis {} {ajoin " " [vflip [cswas]] "\n\n[bt hi dennis]" [vflip [cswas]]}
|
||
proc STmexicat {} {sombrerify [STdeadcat2] { /x.x}}
|
||
proc vimtime {} {set ok [lrange [regexp -inline {(\d+)*H(\d+)*M(\d+)S} H03M14S] 1 end]; set s [expr [bif [first $ok] [first $ok] 0]*3600+[bif [first $ok] [second $ok] 0]*60+[third $ok]]}
|
||
proc hightax {} { return "<@hightax> [hightax_dict]" }
|
||
proc pozbl0re {} {. no u}
|
||
proc ouya {} {shitstarter https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ouya/ouya-a-new-kind-of-video-game-console}
|
||
proc json2dict jsonshit {string range [string trim [regsub -- {^(\uFEFF)} [string map {\t {} \n {} \r {} , { } : { } \[ \{ \] \}} $jsonshit ] {} ] ] 1 end-1 }
|
||
proc wale {} { return [wale0]; }
|
||
proc dole_resetclock {} {set ::doletimer([nick]) [clock scan "2 weeks"]}
|
||
proc randomchan {} {. "[string map {" " "_"} [random_word]]chan"}
|
||
proc moira_marine {} {embed [ajoin " " [marine_comic_frame] [marine_comic_frame2]] jgs 85 14}
|
||
proc lastblob who { if { [nick] == $who } { set ok [chomp [lreverse [lastblob___ $who]]] } { set ok [lreverse [lastblob___ $who]] }; join [map $ok {x {. <[second $x]> [last $x]}}] \n }
|
||
proc kde {{fag {}}} {. "[string map {c k C K} $fag]"}
|
||
proc aimbittorrent {{name {}}} {aim -n [aimname $name] [bittorrent]}
|
||
proc private_to args {if [apply {== -1} [map $args {caller {lsearch -exact [map [uplevel callers] [& first]] $caller}}]] {error "private proc \"[first [first [uplevel caller]]]\" called"}}
|
||
proc realwrap:len tokenlist {string length [join $tokenlist " "]}
|
||
proc overheardincanada {} {set one [torontoname]; set two [overheard_people]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [choose [canada] [welcometocanada]]\n$two: [canadianize [[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug mystic]]]\n$one: [canadianize [overheardline]]"}
|
||
proc wall {} {return "\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\\n/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/..\\_o/"}
|
||
proc randomchat args { embed [embed [embed [join $::letmeinonthisascii "\n"] [ST*] 5 1] [ST*] 17 2 ] "[first $args [upper [*word]]] CHAT" 30 4 }
|
||
proc lastfm:lasttracktime user { set out 0; catch {set out [cache get lastfmlasttime $user]}; return $out }
|
||
proc letter2 args {join [map ${args} {m {lindex [. [seq a z] { } . #] ${m}}}] {}}
|
||
proc efnet {} {. EFnet is a notorious meeting place for \"black hat\" hackers who vandalise websites and commit fraud and identity theft.}
|
||
proc letter3 args {join [map [split ${args} {}] {{n1 n2} {format %c 0x${n1}${n2}}}] {}}
|
||
proc letter4 args {join [map [split ${args} {}] {{n1 n2} {string repeat [format %c 0x${n1}${n2}] 15}}] \n}
|
||
proc aimmao args {aim -n [aimname $args] [mao]}
|
||
proc btc_now {} {last [regexp -inline {\"last\"\:([0-9\.]*)} [https://mtgox.com/code/data/ticker.php]]}
|
||
proc willsurvey {major music age sex ethnic} {
|
||
strip_space [html [strip_html [lindex [http post "http://userweb.cs.utexas.edu/~will/submit.cgi" familiarscion [choose yes no maybe] owncar [choose yes no maybe] howpurchased [choose self parents financedparents financedother financedself other {sucking dick}] qual_change [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_affordable [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_unique [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_sophisticated [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_simple [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_straightforward [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_expressive [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_superior [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_convenient [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_personal [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_stylish [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_striking [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_clean [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_intelligent [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_functional [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_unity [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_hasslefree [expr [rand 4] + 1] qual_pushinglimits [expr [rand 4] + 1] major $major music $music age $age sex $sex education somehs ethnic $ethnic] 2]]]
|
||
}
|
||
proc strid {} {return "LOL strid IS A JEW"}
|
||
proc myweather {} {urweather [nick]}
|
||
proc literati {} {lindex_random $::literati_dict}
|
||
proc fursona {{fag {}}} {set butt [name $fag]; return "-- WhatIsZ Extended V1.0.0.1 WF ------------------------------\[ Focused View \]\n[ajoin "" "$butt" [join [repeat [expr 15-[string length $butt]] " "]] [wrap [ajoin "" [join [uniq [repeat [rand 1 15] wi_flag]] " "] " [gender] [animal]"] 60]]\n---------------------------------------------------------#buttes edition#-----"}
|
||
proc cliche_for nick { subst [?? [array_get_default cliches [nickmap $nick] {}]] }
|
||
proc grepcity args {regsub -all {\.(\W|$)} [upper [?? [lgrep [join $args] [lines [~http://cesspool.net/jerkcity/jerkcity.txt]]]]] {\1}}
|
||
proc dndname {} {return "[dndattribute] [name]"}
|
||
proc >:( {} { return "[bigtext ">:("]" }
|
||
proc jewess {} {gis [?? $::jewesses]}
|
||
proc dprocbin args { eval "dprocbin_n 7 $args" }
|
||
proc what_is_with_fox_news {{str {}}} { subst [lindex_random $::what_is_with_fox_news] }
|
||
proc job {} {lindex_random $::job_dict}
|
||
proc lyricise args {ajoin "" "♫♪ " $args " ♫♪"}
|
||
proc clickspersecond {} {busy_wait 1; set e [clock clicks]; busy_wait 1; expr [clock clicks] - $e}
|
||
proc kem args {join [map [split [join $args] {}] {char {. $char[?? {{} { }}]}}] {}}
|
||
proc 420? {} {c 4/ 20}
|
||
proc electionnight {} {return "[bold][news_network] is calling [state] for [eval color [choose {white on blue} {blue} {red}]][08candidate]"}
|
||
proc prostitutes {} {. manwhores}
|
||
proc donations {{oi {}}} {return "[name $oi] donates money to [procon]-[unplural [ethnic_group]] organizations"}
|
||
proc gernrant {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "<$who> This is a [56k_word] on my [crw_word] experience."}
|
||
proc aimsentient args { aim -n [aimname $args] [sentient] }
|
||
proc fight {{n1 {}} {n2 {}}} {set n1 [name $n1]; set n2 [name $n2]; set count($n1) 0; set count($n2) 0; each [repeat 20 {expr {int(rand()*2) ? [uplevel {. $n1}] : [uplevel {. $n2}]}}] {n {uplevel incr count($n)}}; return "\003[rand 15]$n1\003\x1f:\x1f \002$count($n1)\002 \x1f-\x1f \003[rand 15]$n2\003\x1f:\x1f \002$count($n2)\002";}
|
||
proc dongs {} {bigtext dongs}
|
||
proc figlet {txt {font Standard}} {regsub -all {^Deprecated.+?\n} [figlet_ $txt $font] ""}
|
||
proc obongo {} {stock .dji}
|
||
proc wrong {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "$who: you will eventually find that you are wrong"}
|
||
proc embed {f e x y} {
|
||
set l [split [pad $f] \n]
|
||
set a [split [pad $e] \n]
|
||
set j [expr $y-1]
|
||
set r [list]
|
||
for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $l]} {incr i} {
|
||
set p [lindex $l $i]
|
||
if {$i eq $j} {
|
||
set o ""
|
||
set b [lindex $a [expr $j+1-$y]]
|
||
append o [crange $p 0 [expr $x-2]]
|
||
append o $b
|
||
append o [crange $p [expr $x-1+[clength $b]] end]
|
||
if {[expr $j-$y] < [llength $a]} {incr j}
|
||
} else {
|
||
set o $p
|
||
}
|
||
lappend r $o
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $r \n]
|
||
}
|
||
proc rainbubble args {rainbow [bubble $args]}
|
||
proc clapclap {} {subst [next_in_list $::oolist]}
|
||
proc rankyou {{user {[name]}} {nname {[sexpart]}}} {set user [name [subst $user]];set nname [name [subst $nname]];return "[rank_word] \"$nname\", $user"}
|
||
proc jpg {blah url {width 80}} { wget http://irc.gangnet.org/jpeg.php?url=[urlencode $url]&width=$width&$blah=1 }
|
||
proc jnz {} {gudrize "im 5`5 108 lbs im sexy as hell an im single lookin fa da right guy ta holla, so if u liken wat u see holla at me"}
|
||
proc dts_ {} {wt dts}
|
||
proc smdtime {} {. HHMM [s smmYYYYdd] [clock format [clock seconds] -format "%H%M%S%m%Y%d"]}
|
||
proc STrealokey {} { join {{ _____} { /(.) \ } { ( ,|,(.)} { \_<->_/}} \n}
|
||
proc {dental plan} {} {return "lisa needs braces"}
|
||
proc mac_feature {} fake_mac_feature
|
||
proc sayisrael {{blarg wwjd} args} {set marg [concat $blarg $args]; set wstring [join [times [expr [string length $marg]+7] {}]]; return "[color blue on blue]$wstring\n[color blue on white] $marg \n[color blue on blue]$wstring"}
|
||
proc motto2 {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[banner "Welcome to $who, home of [strip_u [fetish_porn]]"]"}
|
||
proc STsanjay {} {return " ______ \n (_\\____) \n (___\\_\\__)\n ( . . )\n (____o___)";}
|
||
proc africa {} {magick-concat [magick resize_to_fit [img-america] 500] [magick resize_to_fit [gis starving african child] 500]}
|
||
proc mockredhead {} {caption [img-redhead 1] [^moira____/redhead]}
|
||
proc STbaby2 {} { join $::baby \n }
|
||
proc emad {} {ncock 0}
|
||
proc aimf_init args {aimify init $args}
|
||
proc elin {} {return "http://home.datacomm.ch/uerueluem/elingrindemyr/"}
|
||
proc tcc_test {} {string map { } [tcc]}
|
||
proc swallow args return
|
||
proc butteshack:gem {} {subst [lindex_random $::butteshackgems]}
|
||
proc fifth l {lindex $l 4}
|
||
proc maria {{name puñtme} {who dsp}} {each $::maria_lines {l {set name [uplevel {. $name}]; . "<[name [uplevel {. $who}]]> [subst $l]"}}}
|
||
proc wsc_cat {} {. "This just in: SARAH IS [bold][string toupper [?? $::cat_dict]].[bold] More at [?? [seq 5 11]]." }
|
||
proc STpika {} {return {(\___/)
|
||
(o^:^o)
|
||
(")_(")
|
||
}}
|
||
proc vowel {} {lindex_random $::vowels}
|
||
proc STpie {} { return " ( \n ) \n __..---..__ \n ,-=' / | \\ `=-. \n :--..___________..--; \n \\.,_____________,./ " }
|
||
proc duka {{who {}}} {return "pleas do not cuss i am on NSA network thank you [name $who]"}
|
||
proc blackjack_wins p { blackjack_set_score $p [expr [blackjack_get_score $p] + [blackjack_winning $p]]; return "$p wins \$ [blackjack_winning $p] ! "; }
|
||
proc strsame {a b} { if {[string toupper $a] == [string toupper $b]} {return 1} {return 0} }
|
||
proc STpig {} { join $::pig \n }
|
||
proc israel {} {. #0}
|
||
proc isproc name { if {[catch "info body $name"] ==0} {return 1} {return 0}}
|
||
proc shsc_certs {} {return "I have [rand 10]+ years experience and am a [cert] and [cert] with [os]-current experience and some [os] and [os] varieties in between. I cant code to save my life, but everything else I feel quite comfortable with ([saq_expert_topic], [saq_expert_topic], [saq_expert_topic], [saq_expert_topic], [saq_expert_topic]) and figure I might as well take the test and get what certs I can."}
|
||
proc jre {{args {}}} {if {$args eq ""} {acronym jre} {return "true story"}}
|
||
proc aimf_miscjre args {aimify miscjre $args}
|
||
proc cga_colours {} {next_in_list {00 15 11 14 11 15}}
|
||
proc remote_command_state additional_state {
|
||
array set state $additional_state
|
||
array set state [list nick [nick] hostmask [hostmask] channel [channel] time [clock seconds]]
|
||
array get state
|
||
}
|
||
proc ctcbait {{prez {Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith}}} {subst "I am going to rape and murder $prez."}
|
||
proc go:current_game {} { return $::current_game }
|
||
proc chemtrails {} {return " _\n ______ /~~~,\n ___/`_____\---------/____/ \"\"\"//[nwo_word] ** [nwo_word]** [nwo_word]\n~(____NWO____ <======: (___] ====[nwo_word] ** [nwo_word] ** [nwo_word]\n `-----------~` ,,\\\\[nwo_word] ** [nwo_word]--.\n"}
|
||
proc fillchar {f e x y} {
|
||
set l [split [pad $f] \n]
|
||
set a [split [pad $e] \n]
|
||
set j [expr $y-1]
|
||
set r [list]
|
||
for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $l]} {incr i} {
|
||
set p [lindex $l $i]
|
||
if {$i eq $j} {
|
||
set o ""
|
||
set b [lindex $a [expr $j+1-$y]]
|
||
append o [crange $p 0 [expr $x-2]]
|
||
append o $b
|
||
append o [crange $p [expr $x + [clength $b]] end]
|
||
if {[expr $j-$y] < [llength $a]} {incr j}
|
||
} else {
|
||
set o $p
|
||
}
|
||
lappend r $o
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $r \n]
|
||
}
|
||
proc repeatblock2 {block {count {}}} {set n "";set o ""; set lines [split $block "\n"]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $lines]} {incr i} {append o "$n[string repeat [lindex $lines $i] $count]"; set n "\n"; }; return $o;}
|
||
proc 88precepts {{n 0}} {if {$n < 1 || $n > 88} {?? $::precepts} {lindex $::precepts [incr n -1]}}
|
||
proc chess:undo boardName {
|
||
upvar 1 $boardName board
|
||
if ![llength $board(history)] {error "Nothing to undo"}
|
||
set move [lindex $board(history) end]
|
||
foreach {from to hit} [split $move -] break
|
||
set board(history) [lrange $board(history) 0 end-1]
|
||
set board($from) $board($to)
|
||
if {$hit==""} {set hit .}
|
||
set board($to) $hit
|
||
set board(toMove) [expr {$board(toMove) == "white"? "bl ack": "white"}]
|
||
}
|
||
proc traniditions {} {advisorback [metradelays-twat]}
|
||
proc stamps {{filter *}} {map1 [info procs ST$filter] {string map {ST {}}}}
|
||
proc isntamac {{text {HEY THIS ISNT A MAC}}} { ajoin " " "\n$text" "\n\n \\ " [embed [flippedomgdude] [ST*] 13 4] }
|
||
proc niggerlike {} {lindex_random $::niggerlikes}
|
||
proc ebola_kill_rate args {. [expr (([ebola Deaths] * 1.0)/[ebola]) * 100]%}
|
||
proc ok_cast {} {return "casts [okey_spell]"}
|
||
proc STminiokey {} {return "\n\n[miniokey]"}
|
||
proc butte {} {return " BUTTES\n ------\n_| |_"}
|
||
proc microsoft_domain {} {?? $::microsoft_domains}
|
||
proc mccain_rwb {} {eval rwb [split [mccain_slogan]]}
|
||
proc kill_drudge {} {submitdrudge On [day] [daypart], I will kill myself with a [weapon], I have nothing else to live for, [choose "[nicklist]" "[jewfullname]" "[celebrity]" "[niggerfullname]"] has betrayed me, goodbye cruel world!}
|
||
proc slot_stamp_max_value {} {set max 0; foreach stamp [info procs ST*] {set value [slot_stamp_value $stamp]; if {$value > $max} {set max $value}}; return $max}
|
||
proc niggerman {} {lindex_random $::niggermen}
|
||
proc lastfm_user_info html {regex -inline {.*?([\w\d]+).*?(Last track|Listening):\s+(.+?)\s\s(.+)} [strip_html $html]}
|
||
proc STpuntme {} {. " ._-'-_ .\n . ' /_-_-_\\ ` .\n .' |-_-_-_-| `.\n( `.-_-_-.' )\n!`. .'!\n ! ` . . ' !\n ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !\n / / \\ \\\n _-| \\___ ___/ /-_\n (_ )__\\_)\\(_/__( _)\n ))))\\X\\ ((((\n \\/ \\/"}
|
||
proc butteslitefm {} {drawtable [subst [wget http://localhost/cgi-bin/lastbutte.pl?u=[join $::lastfm_cockes_usermap ,]]] {default red green}}
|
||
proc cat_mac {} {. [catsay [feature]]}
|
||
proc ft_cat {} {. "This just in: SMOT IS [bold][string toupper [?? $::cat_dict]].[bold] More at [?? [seq 5 11]]." }
|
||
proc alexjoneskryptonite {} {return [aflip [fluoride]]}
|
||
proc aud-gong {} { . http://churchturing.org/x/Harbinger/samples/1shot_gong.wav }
|
||
proc chews {} {act "CHEWS :]~"}
|
||
proc trace:tree_levels proc {apply {set ttree} [. "\$::ttree_${proc}"]; say2 "Call level statistics for `\x1fproc $proc\x1f':" [channel]; center2 [each [lsort -unique -integer -decreasing [regexp -all -inline {[0-9]+} $ttree]] {l {. "\002$l\002 (\x1f[uplevel "llength \[lsearch -regexp -all \$ttree \"^$l\$\"\]"]\x1f)"}}]}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/Ulf/ {name cmd args} {error "private proc \"$cmd\" called"}
|
||
proc qwantz words {magick_scheme [qwantz-code [map $words {{x} {scheme_escape [wrap [cstrip $x] 15]}}]]}
|
||
proc factorial arg { set total 1.0; while {$arg > 1} { set total [expr $total * $arg]; set arg [expr $arg - 1]}; return $total }
|
||
proc whitepower {} {return "SEIG o>\nHEIL o/\nSEIG o>\nHEIL o/\nSEIG o>\nHEIL o/" }
|
||
proc pozcum {} { return "~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+ ~+" }
|
||
proc uncutbackify who {magick crop $::cutbackpix($who) 11 11 63 79}
|
||
proc song1 {} {return "On the way to the club\n I fell down a hole\n And all the people there\n Said you come along"}
|
||
proc necco {} {subst [regsub -all {[^ ]} [subst [string map {* {[next_in_list {Y I F F}]}} [strip_all [bgt necco]]]] "\[gay],\[gay]&"]}
|
||
proc SHIT {} {string toupper [acroform suspected hippie in transit]}
|
||
proc expand args {set list [lindex $args end]; set args [lrange $args 0 end-1]; foreach var $args {uplevel [list set $var [first $list]]; set list [lrange $list 1 end]}}
|
||
proc sprungepaste args {last [http post "http://sprunge.us" "sprunge=[urlencode $args]"]}
|
||
proc song2 args { set q [args]; set src [json2dict [fix_slashes [wget "http://tinysong.com/s/[urlencode $q]?format=json&key=$::tsapi"]]]; }
|
||
proc soly2 {{who {}}} {stampsay -s goonigger "HAY [upper [name $who]] MAH [upper [body_part]] STANKS"}
|
||
proc poem {} keepitreal
|
||
proc kkk {} { join $::kkkchat \n}
|
||
proc aimmeasure args {aim -n [aimname [join $args]] "http://macmini.on.nimp.org/offers/macmini/?r=[rand 5000] Goons only offer. :) :)"}
|
||
proc britishhouse {} {caption [+gis [?? {brixton bradford salford manchester birmingham liverpool leeds sheffield norwich}] [?? {flat flats houses house apartment apartments}]] [housename]}
|
||
proc prettifyProc proc {
|
||
eval [join [list [lrange [src $proc] 0 end-1] [regsub {^\s*(.+)\s*$} [lindex [src $proc] end] "{\n\\1\n}"]]]; src $proc
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
proc lbm who { if { [nick] == $who } { set ok [chomp [lreverse [lastblob___ $who]]] } { set ok [lreverse [lastblob___ $who]] }; join [map $ok {x { last $x }}] \n }
|
||
proc buttt {} {return "!butt tcl buttt"}
|
||
proc openssl {} {. $::opensslmacro}
|
||
proc gaydar:scope {} { return $::gaydarascii }
|
||
proc doesn't args {. [nick]: no YOU don't $args}
|
||
proc dune {} { subst [lindex_random $::dune] }
|
||
proc usleep num { set base [clock clicks]; while {[clock clicks] < [expr $base + $num]} { nop } }
|
||
proc STbirthday args {. " , , \n (*) (*)\n / / / / \n / / / / \n __/ )/ )_ \n |_ ` ` ` `_| \n _|_._._._._._|_ \n |_BLOW OUT YOUR_| \n _|_._._._._._._._|_ \n|_ COCK CANDLES _| \n|_._._._._._._._._._|"}
|
||
proc vietaim {{nick {}}} {if {$nick eq ""} {set nick [rand_aim]}; return ".ai\m $nick [string map {{ } { }} [strip_color [chingchong]]]"}
|
||
proc doxdrop {{n 5}} {lselect_random $::phonenumber $n}
|
||
proc unicomg {} {[first [split [?? [lines [~http://givingin.org/unicode/search/?q=diaeresis]]]]]}
|
||
proc lbt {who seconds len {last 200}} { set out {}; foreach blob [lbt_ $who $seconds $last] { if {[llength $blob] >= $len} { lappend out $blob } }; return $out }
|
||
proc randomdcc {} { [choose randomdccsend randomdccchat] }
|
||
proc prions {} {join [lrange [strip_all [tail [macro prions]]] 0 end-1]}
|
||
proc overheard_in_sweden {} {set one [swede_name]; set two [swede_name]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [swede_sentence]\n$two: [[choose overheardline niggerphrase]]\n$one: [swede_word]\n-- [swede_city]"}
|
||
proc mullah {} { return "[upper [kill_verb] those who [insult_verb] islam.] Thus says the prophet: [koran] ALLAHU AKBAR!"; }
|
||
proc largeokey {} { return "[color blue]Large Okey[color] [color red]attacks[color]! You take [color red][lindex_random [seq 0 250]][color] damage!"}
|
||
proc fonetalk {} {set w [choose "mroach" "kalleboo"]; set f [lindex_random $::fone_names]; return "<$w> [pick 1 {. "i just took a picture with $f [flickrphoto $::flickrid($w)]"} 1 {. "my $f is dead ;_;"} 1 {. "i [choose love hate] my $f"} 1 {. "i just bought [lindex_random [seq 2 5]] $f\s"} 1 {. "my $f's [lindex_random $::fone_function] is so fucked :("}]"}
|
||
proc 20161109 args {. 2016-11-09 10:04:09 < incog> just msged him w/ "i win"}
|
||
proc fancypornair {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who? Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say [strip_u [fetish_porn]], am I correct in this assertion?"}
|
||
proc go:bottom {} { uchar 253b }
|
||
proc image-cumupon args {apply image-cumon $args}
|
||
proc aimftrawl args { if {[llength $args] > 0} { smega { aimfish [raim [lindex $args 0]]}; } else { smega { aimfish}; } }
|
||
proc condition {} {subst [lindex_random $::condition_dict]}
|
||
proc negroponte {} {niggersay "Scale will get you strategy."}
|
||
proc blame {{name octalc0de}} {return "I BLAME IT ON [string toupper $name]"}
|
||
proc debianuser {{who {}}} {return "<@[name $who]> MY SSH KEY IS 9999999997999999979999999999979"}
|
||
proc wave {{b {}}} {if {$b eq ""} {set b [rand 15]}; string repeat "?.???`?.?" $b}
|
||
proc space_phallus {} {. [bt "space phallus"]\n[bt "C====8*8====D"] }
|
||
proc popeyhe2 {} popeye2
|
||
proc lec {} {return "[dikky_word]! What a [loser_word]. I really [fuckword]ed this one. My [internetword] is covered in [sex_fluid]."}
|
||
proc STdoctor2 {} {string map [list '--' [?? $::doctor_mouths]] [STdoctor]}
|
||
proc catbattle {} {. [upper [buttes_cat]] casts [upper [?? $::cat_battle_dict]] on [upper [buttes_cat]] ! !}
|
||
proc luremarty args {return "SAM WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO HODSGIVING SO I CAN GRIFT YOU OUT OF $[lindex_random [seq 10 100]]"}
|
||
proc go:place_white {x y} { go:place_piece $x $y white }
|
||
proc dict_get_val {regex list} {set listlength [llength $list]; for {set i 0} {$i<=$listlength} {incr i} {if {[regexp $regex [lindex $list $i]]} {return [lindex $list [expr $i + 1]]}}}
|
||
proc shortlink {} {"http://"lindex_random $::shorturls}
|
||
proc youlie {{liar {}}} {return "[color blue on black]$liar, [color red on black] Joe Wilson[color blue on black] says you lie."}
|
||
proc okey_act {} {lindex_random $::okey_act}
|
||
proc master_rank i { set l [master_get_stat $i]; set rank 0; foreach {k} [seq 0 5] { set rank [expr $rank + (6 - $k)*[lindex $l $k]] }; return $rank; }
|
||
proc hello_tranny {} {return "<@hello> sometimes [tranny_word] is kinda cool"}
|
||
proc blaify {{who {}}} {. <[name ${who}]> [string repeat "bla " [rand 14]]}
|
||
proc kir2 {} {goonsay Oh, aspie, that's a new one. I'll let you in on a little secret: Several years ago, I was clinically diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. Yes, I said it. ASPERGER'S DISORDER.}
|
||
proc image-in-space url {magick_overlay $url http://churchturing.org/w/spaceoverlay.png}
|
||
proc strid_word {} {lindex_random $::strid_word}
|
||
proc solve {} {return "Install Linux -- Problem Solved"}
|
||
proc STowl {} {return " ^...^\n / o,o \\\n |):::(|\n====w=w==="}
|
||
proc diagnosis {{who {}}} {if [string equal $who {}] {set who [name]}; stampsay -l -s doctor2 [. $who, [subst [?? $::diagnosis_dict]]]}
|
||
proc hod.app args { fastmyster }
|
||
proc minimum l { fst [lsort $l] }
|
||
proc csila args {. *[nick] puts on sunglasses*\n$args\n[yeah]}
|
||
proc peniscube {} {set y [ajoin " " "[ncock 0]\n\n[vflip [ncock 0]]" "[flip [ncock 0]]\n\n[vflip [flip [ncock 0]]]"]; append y "\nTIME CUBE"; return $y;}
|
||
proc btc_troll2 {} {btc_fill; bgbt \$[expr [btc_now] * [rand 100] * .1]}
|
||
proc electrons who {return "<$who> electrons, I gues?"}
|
||
proc viet_name {} {lindex_random $::viet_name_dict}
|
||
proc ifactor n {set a 0;if {[expr $n%2]==0} {set f 2;set g [expr $n/2]} {set b [expr int(sqrt(2*$n))];set s [expr $b*($b+1)/2];if {$s>$n} {set s [expr $s-$b];incr b -1};while {$s<$n && $b<$n} {incr b;incr s $b;while {$s>$n && $a<$b} {incr s -$a;incr a}};set f [expr $b-$a+1];set g [expr $a+$b];if {[expr $f%2]==0} {set f [expr $f/2]} {set g [expr $g/2]}};if {$f>$g} {set h $f;set f $g;set g $h};if {$f==1} {return $g} {return "[ifactor $f] [ifactor $g]"}}
|
||
proc warez {{who {}}} {nfo [join [name $who] .].[shakti_word].[join [shsc_word] .][virusextension]}
|
||
proc STpolehead {} {join {{ ______ } { | | } {/ \ } {\________/ }} \n}
|
||
proc assoc {l k} {set out {}; foreach {key value} $l { if {"$key" == "$k"} { return $value; }; }}
|
||
proc go:newboard {w h board} { return [list go:board $w $h $board] }
|
||
proc +longroundtrip {{text {}} {dest1 ja} {dest2 zh} {source en}} {set bin [or $text [channel]]; xset timestamp totrans [cache fetch +longroundtrip $bin {list [clock seconds] $text}]; if {$timestamp < ([clock seconds] - 300)} {set totrans $text}; set result [longroundtrip $totrans $dest1 $dest2 $source]; cache put +longroundtrip $text [list [clock seconds] $result]; cache put +longroundtrip [channel] [list [clock seconds] $result]; return $result}
|
||
proc swede_last_name {} {?? $::swede_last}
|
||
proc jews2 {} {caption [img-jew] [?? $::rule_of_acquisition]}
|
||
proc hillary-arity {} {llength [info args hillary]}
|
||
proc let {block args} {
|
||
set captured_vars {}
|
||
set all_var_names {}
|
||
try {
|
||
set captured_vars [uplevel [list capture [block args]]]
|
||
set all_var_names [uplevel {info vars}]
|
||
|
||
foreach var [block args] value $args {
|
||
uplevel [list catch [list unset $var]]
|
||
uplevel [list set $var $value]
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
uplevel [block body]
|
||
} finally {
|
||
foreach var [block args] {
|
||
uplevel [list catch [list unset $var]]
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
foreach var [uplevel {info vars}] {
|
||
if {[lsearch -exact $all_var_names $var] == -1} {
|
||
uplevel [list unset $var]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
uplevel [list restore $captured_vars]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc STpoo {} { join $::poostamp \n }
|
||
proc patrick {{tech {[random_word]}}} {set tech [subst [name $tech]];return "\< patrick\> attn: microsoft \'$tech\' technology is the way to go"}
|
||
proc lyrics args { html [string map {"<br />" "\n"} [lindex [regexp -inline {lyricbox'>.+?</script>(.+?)<!} [cwget "http://lyrics.wikia.com/[string map {" " "_"} $args]"]] end]] }
|
||
proc aimfoodsult {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [foodsult]}
|
||
proc utoh str {return [regsub -all _ $str {-}]}
|
||
proc bpost {message {subject {}} {poster {}}} {if {[clock seconds] <= ([cache fetch bpost last {. 0}] + 10)} {error "not so often fgt"}; cache put bpost last [clock seconds]; set id [bthread]; http post http://boards.4chan.org/b/ resto $id name $poster com $message pwd gapp mode regist sub $subject; . posted: http://img.4chan.org/b/res/$id.html}
|
||
proc king args {. kong}
|
||
proc charter {} {more @charter}
|
||
proc politigoon_finale {} {lindex_random $::politigoon_finale_dict}
|
||
proc STpuntme2 {} {string map {___/(__ ___ñ___} [each [lines [STsmallkin]] {l {. "\003[next_in_list $::mexico_colours]$l\x0f"}}]}
|
||
proc edwards {} {return "Isn't it true that [random_word] caused [name]'s [disease_word]?"}
|
||
proc saq_beer_review {{line {}}} {if {$line eq ""} {set line [saq_beer_line]}; string map $::saq_beer_review_map $line}
|
||
proc kink {{who {}}} {. [name $who]: i want to [choose swallow wear "bathe in" "make a casserole with"] your [sex_fluid]}
|
||
proc swayzedance {} {ajoin " " [saqdance] [vflip [STsaq]]}
|
||
proc md5 msg {
|
||
set msgLen [string length $msg]
|
||
set padLen [expr {56 - $msgLen%64}]
|
||
if {$msgLen % 64 > 56} {
|
||
incr padLen 64
|
||
}
|
||
if {$padLen == 0} {
|
||
incr padLen 64
|
||
}
|
||
append msg [binary format "a$padLen" \200]
|
||
append msg [binary format "i1i1" [expr {8*$msgLen}] 0]
|
||
set A [expr 0x67452301]
|
||
set B [expr 0xefcdab89]
|
||
set C [expr 0x98badcfe]
|
||
set D [expr 0x10325476]
|
||
binary scan $msg i* blocks
|
||
set len [llength $blocks]
|
||
foreach {X0 X1 X2 X3 X4 X5 X6 X7 X8 X9 X10 X11 X12 X13 X14 X15} $blocks {
|
||
set AA $A
|
||
set BB $B
|
||
set CC $C
|
||
set DD $D
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $C) | ((~$B) & $D)) + $X0 + 0xd76aa478}]] << 7) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-7)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $B) | ((~$A) & $C)) + $X1 + 0xe8c7b756}]] << 12) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-12)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $A) | ((~$D) & $B)) + $X2 + 0x242070db}]] << 17) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-17)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $D) | ((~$C) & $A)) + $X3 + 0xc1bdceee}]] << 22) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-22)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $C) | ((~$B) & $D)) + $X4 + 0xf57c0faf}]] << 7) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-7)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $B) | ((~$A) & $C)) + $X5 + 0x4787c62a}]] << 12) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-12)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $A) | ((~$D) & $B)) + $X6 + 0xa8304613}]] << 17) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-17)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $D) | ((~$C) & $A)) + $X7 + 0xfd469501}]] << 22) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-22)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $C) | ((~$B) & $D)) + $X8 + 0x698098d8}]] << 7) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-7)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $B) | ((~$A) & $C)) + $X9 + 0x8b44f7af}]] << 12) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-12)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $A) | ((~$D) & $B)) + $X10 + 0xffff5bb1}]] << 17) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-17)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $D) | ((~$C) & $A)) + $X11 + 0x895cd7be}]] << 22) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-22)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $C) | ((~$B) & $D)) + $X12 + 0x6b901122}]] << 7) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-7)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $B) | ((~$A) & $C)) + $X13 + 0xfd987193}]] << 12) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-12)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $A) | ((~$D) & $B)) + $X14 + 0xa679438e}]] << 17) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-17)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $D) | ((~$C) & $A)) + $X15 + 0x49b40821}]] << 22) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-22)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $D) | ($C & (~$D))) + $X1 + 0xf61e2562}]] << 5) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-5)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $C) | ($B & (~$C))) + $X6 + 0xc040b340}]] << 9) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-9)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $B) | ($A & (~$B))) + $X11 + 0x265e5a51}]] << 14) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-14)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $A) | ($D & (~$A))) + $X0 + 0xe9b6c7aa}]] << 20) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-20)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $D) | ($C & (~$D))) + $X5 + 0xd62f105d}]] << 5) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-5)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $C) | ($B & (~$C))) + $X10 + 0x2441453}]] << 9) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-9)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $B) | ($A & (~$B))) + $X15 + 0xd8a1e681}]] << 14) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-14)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $A) | ($D & (~$A))) + $X4 + 0xe7d3fbc8}]] << 20) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-20)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $D) | ($C & (~$D))) + $X9 + 0x21e1cde6}]] << 5) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-5)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $C) | ($B & (~$C))) + $X14 + 0xc33707d6}]] << 9) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-9)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $B) | ($A & (~$B))) + $X3 + 0xf4d50d87}]] << 14) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-14)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $A) | ($D & (~$A))) + $X8 + 0x455a14ed}]] << 20) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-20)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + (($B & $D) | ($C & (~$D))) + $X13 + 0xa9e3e905}]] << 5) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-5)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + (($A & $C) | ($B & (~$C))) + $X2 + 0xfcefa3f8}]] << 9) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-9)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + (($D & $B) | ($A & (~$B))) + $X7 + 0x676f02d9}]] << 14) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-14)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + (($C & $A) | ($D & (~$A))) + $X12 + 0x8d2a4c8a}]] << 20) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-20)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($B ^ $C ^ $D) + $X5 + 0xfffa3942}]] << 4) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-4)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($A ^ $B ^ $C) + $X8 + 0x8771f681}]] << 11) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-11)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($D ^ $A ^ $B) + $X11 + 0x6d9d6122}]] << 16) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-16)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($C ^ $D ^ $A) + $X14 + 0xfde5380c}]] << 23) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-23)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($B ^ $C ^ $D) + $X1 + 0xa4beea44}]] << 4) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-4)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($A ^ $B ^ $C) + $X4 + 0x4bdecfa9}]] << 11) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-11)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($D ^ $A ^ $B) + $X7 + 0xf6bb4b60}]] << 16) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-16)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($C ^ $D ^ $A) + $X10 + 0xbebfbc70}]] << 23) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-23)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($B ^ $C ^ $D) + $X13 + 0x289b7ec6}]] << 4) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-4)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($A ^ $B ^ $C) + $X0 + 0xeaa127fa}]] << 11) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-11)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($D ^ $A ^ $B) + $X3 + 0xd4ef3085}]] << 16) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-16)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($C ^ $D ^ $A) + $X6 + 0x4881d05}]] << 23) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-23)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($B ^ $C ^ $D) + $X9 + 0xd9d4d039}]] << 4) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-4)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($A ^ $B ^ $C) + $X12 + 0xe6db99e5}]] << 11) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-11)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($D ^ $A ^ $B) + $X15 + 0x1fa27cf8}]] << 16) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-16)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($C ^ $D ^ $A) + $X2 + 0xc4ac5665}]] << 23) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-23)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($C ^ ($B | (~$D))) + $X0 + 0xf4292244}]] << 6) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-6)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($B ^ ($A | (~$C))) + $X7 + 0x432aff97}]] << 10) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-10)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($A ^ ($D | (~$B))) + $X14 + 0xab9423a7}]] << 15) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-15)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($D ^ ($C | (~$A))) + $X5 + 0xfc93a039}]] << 21) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-21)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($C ^ ($B | (~$D))) + $X12 + 0x655b59c3}]] << 6) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-6)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($B ^ ($A | (~$C))) + $X3 + 0x8f0ccc92}]] << 10) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-10)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($A ^ ($D | (~$B))) + $X10 + 0xffeff47d}]] << 15) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-15)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($D ^ ($C | (~$A))) + $X1 + 0x85845dd1}]] << 21) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-21)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($C ^ ($B | (~$D))) + $X8 + 0x6fa87e4f}]] << 6) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-6)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($B ^ ($A | (~$C))) + $X15 + 0xfe2ce6e0}]] << 10) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-10)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($A ^ ($D | (~$B))) + $X6 + 0xa3014314}]] << 15) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-15)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($D ^ ($C | (~$A))) + $X13 + 0x4e0811a1}]] << 21) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-21)))}]
|
||
set A [expr {$B + (([set x [expr {$A + ($C ^ ($B | (~$D))) + $X4 + 0xf7537e82}]] << 6) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-6)))}]
|
||
set D [expr {$A + (([set x [expr {$D + ($B ^ ($A | (~$C))) + $X11 + 0xbd3af235}]] << 10) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-10)))}]
|
||
set C [expr {$D + (([set x [expr {$C + ($A ^ ($D | (~$B))) + $X2 + 0x2ad7d2bb}]] << 15) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-15)))}]
|
||
set B [expr {$C + (([set x [expr {$B + ($D ^ ($C | (~$A))) + $X9 + 0xeb86d391}]] << 21) | ((($x >> 1) & 0x7fffffff) >> (31-21)))}]
|
||
incr A $AA
|
||
incr B $BB
|
||
incr C $CC
|
||
incr D $DD
|
||
}
|
||
return [::md5:bytes $A][::md5:bytes $B][::md5:bytes $C][::md5:bytes $D]
|
||
}
|
||
proc STbigdrippingcock {} { join $::bigdrippingcock \n }
|
||
proc lhc {} {. [bonerbattle "Welcome to CERN"] \n [cdown we\ all\ die]}
|
||
proc huge_burgin {} {embed [embed [canvas 80 20] [ajoin " " [hugegoon] [string repeat "[ajoin " " [STburger] [STburger] [STburger]]\n" 2]] 1 1] [bt "burgin'"] 18 15}
|
||
proc lurepole {} { return "andrzej: when are you coming to meet me, there's free jewish girls and iphones" }
|
||
proc jews? {} { c [jew_count] jews }
|
||
proc andrzej_book {} {. [medical_title] - [?? $::medical_names]'s [?? $::medical_specialties] Series, [rand 1 9]e, 200[rand 0 9], [?? $::medical_press]}
|
||
proc bestircoperatorintheworld {} {. [fixnick Winkie]}
|
||
proc tracer%tree_l {proc args} {set ::ttpos_${proc} [apply expr [. "\$::ttpos_${proc} - 1"]]}
|
||
proc service_state {} {choose OK UP DOWN UNREACHABLE UNREACHAROUND SLANTED}
|
||
proc karamm n {upvar #0 karamm a karastats s;set k [nick];if {[lsearch [array names a] $k]<0} {array set a [list $k [list [expr [rand 4]+1] 1]]};set c [lindex $a($k) 0];set m [lindex $a($k) 1];if {$n==$c} {unset a($k);lappend s($k) $m;return "Good job $k the combo was [master_col $c] in $m moves"} {incr m;array set a [list $k [list $c $m]];return "$k [master_col $n] Perfect Matches 0 Not So Perfect Matches 0 Misses 1"}}
|
||
proc grapefruit {} {return [bold][color orange]grape[color fuchsia]fruit}
|
||
proc athfboner {} {embed [ajoin " " [STfullgoon] "\n\n\n\n[goonmeal]"] [ncock 2] 14 4}
|
||
proc pigdog {{n 5}} {string map {nig pig nog dog} [nignog $n]}
|
||
proc STchatzilla {} { join $::chatzillastamp \n }
|
||
proc catfu {{head STcathead}} {embed [embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 72 15] [turdneck 10 0] 20 5] [$head] 29 3] [fu] 1 5] [flip [fu]] 39 5] " FUCK YOU\n\n / " 36 3}
|
||
proc 3gs_ {} { 3gs }
|
||
proc newdrudge args { http post http://drudgereport.com/cgi-bin/fastfeedback.cgi Send SUBMIT body [join $args]; return "[join $args " "]\nMESSAGE RECEIVED... WILL CONSIDER AND INVESTIGATE..."; }
|
||
proc closest {x l} {set y [lindex $l 0]; foreach z $l { if {abs($z - $x) < abs($y - $x)} { set y $z } { }}; return $y}
|
||
proc slot_pull {} {set nick [normalize_nick [nick]]; slot_stats $nick; slot_deposit; set stamps [slot_pull_stamps]; set value [slot_pull_value $stamps]; slot_credit $nick $value; ajoin " " [slot_pull_stamps_display $stamps] [slot_pull_info $value]}
|
||
proc hardwrappad {l n} { join [padlinesto [+ 1 $n] [lines [hardwrap $l $n]]] \n }
|
||
proc unprefixed_simple_acquaintance {} { unprefixed [prefixed_simple_acquaintance] }
|
||
proc _frewrite_forum_history {Mega64 implosion} {return "[pantshitting goons] i just found my brother's uncle's cousin strangling young girls what should i do???? (56k combustion)"; return $WTFUXnet}
|
||
proc go:getxy {board x y} { lindex [lindex [go:getboard $board] $y] $x}
|
||
proc aimhijacked {} {return "[aim [hijacked], please help!]"}
|
||
proc hicatbus {{who catbus}} {smega {strcat "<[name]> $who: [greeting] [pedo_word]!"}}
|
||
proc ultimo_nslookup addr { set results []; parse_html [http post "http://www.ultimo.to/kisin/others/ns.cgi" "action=nslookup&host=$addr"]parse_ultimo_nslookup; print [string map {">" ">"} [lindex $results 2]]; }
|
||
proc normalize_tag_url url {
|
||
de-buttes $url
|
||
}
|
||
proc fear {} {return "I must not fear \nFear is the mind-killer \nFear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.\nI will face my fear. \nI will permit it to pass over me and through me. \nAnd when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye and see its path. \nWhere the fear has gone there will be nothing. \nOnly I will remain."}
|
||
proc salted_broth_ad {} {. [figlet " Lush Mick's\n SALTED\n BROTH" Varsity]\n \n[center \"[mmm]\" 80]}
|
||
proc poll args {if {[info exists poll([lindex $args 0])]==1} {string map {"{" "" "} {" "" "}" ""} [map $poll([lindex $args 0]) {i {. $i:[llength $polldat([string map {"," ""} [lindex $args 0]],$i)] "\n"}}];return};if {[llength $args]<3||[lsort [lrange $args 1 end]]!=[lsort -uniq [lrange $args 1 end]]} {return}; set poll([lindex $args 0]) [lrange $args 1 end];map [lrange $args 1 end] {i {set polldat([string map {"," ""} [lindex $args 0]],$i) {}}}}
|
||
proc text:green args {. [^C]09[strip_all [join $args]][^C]}
|
||
proc lo5 {{who {}}} {set who [or $who [?? [names]]]; ajoin " " [nick] [embed [ajoin " " [STdance] [oldflip [STdance]]] "_ _" 4 2] $who}
|
||
proc mac {} {. [color white on black]You need to restart your computer. Hold down the Power\n[color white on black]button for several seconds or press the Restart button.\n[color white on black] \n[color white on black]Veuillez redémarrer votre ordinateur. Maintenez la touche\n[color white on black]de démarrage enfoncé pendant plusieurs secondes ou bien\n[color white on black]appuyez sur le bouton de réinitialisation.}
|
||
proc blax2 {} {return "[bold]BLAX STATUS = [choose "[color red]ALIVE" "[color green]DEAD"]"}
|
||
proc dualomg {} {return " __ __ \n /..\\ omg! /..\\ \n \\_O/ \\O_/"}
|
||
proc unprefixed str { if {[expr [llength $str] > 1]} { return [without_first_word $str] } { return $str }}
|
||
proc sentient {} {subst [lindex_random $::appliancejoke]}
|
||
proc broadcast {} { . "LIVE in High Definition on Pay-per-View on [string totitle [choose [alshort] [singlerandomword]]] TV."}
|
||
proc sonic {} {. [img-sonic] [aud-sonic]}
|
||
proc w_topic {} {?? $::w_topic}
|
||
proc gaydrow {} {map1 [strip_color [gudrow]] {strcat [gay]}}
|
||
proc rshxdsay args {okeysay [norway $args]}
|
||
proc lastfm:GetListenersHTMLold group {set html [lastfm:gsplitHTML $group]; foldxo new old {} $html {ifconcat [lastfm:isListening $new] [list $new] $old}}
|
||
proc test_coutn_nicks mask { set mask [string tolower [regsub {s?\?$} $mask ""]]; set count [llength [lfilter *$mask* [string tolower [names]]]]; if {count = 1} {return "${count}${mask}" } else {return "${count}${masks}" } }
|
||
proc specialinterest {} {lindex_random $::specialinterest}
|
||
proc buttes {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [channel]}; return "$who is the cool place to hang out. You can find most of the cool people there. In $who you can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. \"Take it easy\" is the $who motto, for example, that's how laid back it is there. Show up if you want to have a good time. Another good reason to show up is if you want to hang out with friends."}
|
||
proc mba {} {. "[lindex_random $::mba_phrases]"}
|
||
proc isasian n {if {[lsearch $::asians [lc $n]]!=-1} { return 1 } { return 0 }}
|
||
proc abez_caps {} {each [select [log] {line {expr {[lindex $line 1] eq "abez" && [lindex $line 3] eq [string toupper [lindex $line 3]]}}}] [& format_log_line]}
|
||
proc 3gss {} {join [map [split [3gs_stat] \n] {{x} {string map $::3gsmap [regsub -all {(THE [A-Z\. ]*REQUESTED|ARRIVAL SCAN)} $x [upper [eval [choose jerkc abezcaps odin albot saq_beer_review mroach-twat]]]]}}] \n}
|
||
proc 420schoolgoon {} {. $::420schoolgoon}
|
||
proc explode str {split $str ""}
|
||
proc soreness args {. "\<[name]\> paddling soreness is the annoying thing about $args"}
|
||
proc happybday {} {rain [embed [embed [canvas 60 20] [join [repeat 20 {. [string repeat { } [rand 24]] [subst [. {[} [lindex_random {weaselize underscoreize niggerize engimize canadianize chinkerize homoize articleize kallebooize}] "\"[name]: happy birthday\"" {]} ]]}] \n] 1 1] [bt ^_~] [expr [rand 40] + 20] [expr [rand 17] + 2]]}
|
||
proc dooku args {. http://m.imdb.com/title/tt1185834/quotes?qt=qt0546548}
|
||
proc v:push:box {n m h c t} { global lastpush if {[expr [v%rand 50] % 5] == 0} { set lp [lindex [array get {lastpush} ${n}] 1] if {![string length ${lp}] || [clock seconds] > [expr ${lp} + [v%rand 50 15]]} { putserv "PRIVMSG ${c} :\001ACTION puts ${n} in a box\001" array set {lastpush} [list ${n} [clock seconds]] }}; return 1}
|
||
proc howmuch args { return "$args [thismuch [rand 30]]" }
|
||
proc pong {} {return "ping"}
|
||
proc man q {unescape_html_entities [strip_html [http://man.he.net/?topic=$q§ion=all]]}
|
||
proc wangzang {} {return "a command you fag"}
|
||
proc mao {} {return "HELLO! My name is Mao Tse-Tung. I AM A COMMUNIST. I WANT TO KILL ALL AMERICANS!! My father was on the plane that landed in Inchon! , and I am very proud of him, even though he was just some gook at the wrong place at the wrong time. Support Wen Jiabao NOW!! Help me KILL ALL AMERICANS!!!!!"}
|
||
proc goldron {} {pick 1 goldstandard 1 estandardeoro 1 nipron 1 standarddor}
|
||
proc STpua {} {return " ,########\n ### _ _\\\n #C' _\\\n \\( ._ \\\n \\'--, ___)\n \\ \\"}
|
||
proc arabland {} {return [lindex_random $::arabland]}
|
||
proc map {list block} { set result [list]; foreach [block args] $list {set values [list]; foreach value [block args] { lappend values [set $value] }; lappend result [apply yield $values]; }; return $result; }
|
||
proc decding str { encoding convertto dingbats $str }
|
||
proc bj_dealer {} { return [blackjack_dealer_loop]; }
|
||
proc lolllerskates {} {return "tcl2 lolllerskates"}
|
||
proc enumlist l {set len [llength $l]; zip [seq 0 [- $len 1]] $l}
|
||
proc wunderground_fmt pageStr {lgrep . [map [map [odds [regexp -inline -all {<td>(.*?)\s*</td>} $pageStr]] {{_} {regsub -all {\s+} [html [trim $_]] { }}} ] {{k v} {if {[inlist $k {Clouds {Raw METAR}}] < 0 && [inlist $v {{} -}] < 0} {list $k $v}}}]}
|
||
proc waffleimages_get {} {set html [unescape_html_entities [wget http://www.waffleimages.com/random]]; . [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<IMG.*SRC="(.*?)" ID="random">} $html] 1]]].jpg}
|
||
proc tankbattle {} {return "One of the greatest tank battles of the African campaign in World War II took place on [month] [rand 28] of 194[rand 3], between [title] [waspname]'s [rand 180]th [capitalize [sex_act]] Division on one side, and Panzergruppe [capitalize [crw_word]] led by the [muslimtitle] [muslimname] on the other."}
|
||
proc freddit {} {. https://www.reddit.com/r/[word noun][word adjective][word noun]}
|
||
proc poof args {return "*Poof!* When the smoke clears, [name $args] is wearing a pink dress and has the words CUM SLUT tattooed on his forehead!"}
|
||
proc kreesj return {17:46 < kreesj> I enjoy having sex with slaughtered christians}
|
||
proc rndtcl_expr n {pick 1 {return "\[expr [rndtcl_expression $n] [rndtcl_operator] [rndtcl_expression $n]\]"} 4 {rndtcl_expression $n}}
|
||
proc berry1 {} {. berry1}
|
||
proc database {} {lindex_random $::databases}
|
||
proc winamp2 {} {winamp [string totitle [choose "the [choose "red " "white " "blue " "green " "black " "pink " ""][unplural [word]]s" "[unplural [word]] [rand 200]" [waspname] [band]]]}
|
||
proc max args {set args [flatten $args]; inject $args [first $args] {{x o} {expr $x > $o ? $x : $o}}}
|
||
proc lolperson {} {return "[title] [lolname], [honourary]"}
|
||
proc berry2 {} {. berry2}
|
||
proc qwantz2 args {set code [inject [szip $args {{11 7 } {249 3} {378 4} {513 52} {7 248 } {102 245 } {199 247} {345 249} {298 329 } {497 246} {635 315}}] "(image http://churchturing.org/w/qwantzoverlay.png)" {{i v} {. (annotate $i 14 [caadr $v] [cadadr $v] black \"[car $v] \")}}]; return $code}
|
||
proc niggers {} http://stupidniggers.com/random.php
|
||
proc berry3 {} {. berry3}
|
||
proc fixmac {} {macguy Did you [?? $::mac_fix]?}
|
||
proc siren {} { . "[b][u]/!\\[u][b]" }
|
||
proc puaproblems {} {twoproblems [. [pua_verb] [articleize [pua_object]]]}
|
||
proc niklas {} {bt TWO EARS}
|
||
proc ScheisseGern {} {ajoin " " \n\n[STgoon] \n\n\n/ [rainbow [STapple]]}
|
||
proc politigoon {} {fedoragoonsay Pardon me if my [shakti_word] isn't politically correct enough, but I blame [specialinterest] for all of [country]'s [hotbutton] problems. [politigoon_finale].}
|
||
proc onebutan_logo {} {. " _\n /\\) __\n ____ ____ ___ / /_ __ __/ /_____ _____\n / __ \\/ __ \\/ _ \\/ __ \\/ / / / __/ __ `/ __ \\\n/ /_/ / / / / __/ /_/ / /_/ / /_/ /_/ / / / /\n\\____/_/ /_/\\___/ ____/\\__,_/\\__/\\__,_/_/ /_/\n ( Y)\n \"\""}
|
||
proc master_get_notperfect {i a b c d} { return [expr [master_np_match $i $a] + [master_np_match $i $b] + [master_np_match $i $c] + [master_np_match $i $d]]; }
|
||
proc magick args {~apply magick_uncached $args}
|
||
proc randagenda {} {[?? [array names agenda]]agenda}
|
||
proc asstr {} {cwget -nocache http://www1.asstr.org/cgi-bin/prandom.pl}
|
||
proc feem {} { string map {SWEDE FEEM} [macro swede] }
|
||
proc riotact {} { . Her Majesty the Queen charges and commands all persons being assembled immediately to disperse and peaceably to depart to their habitations or their lawful business, on pain of being guilty of an offence for which, on conviction, they may be sentenced to an imprisonment for life. God Save the Queen!}
|
||
proc privacy {} {. G F Y}
|
||
proc poop {{nick {}}} {set nick [ornick $nick]; set now [clock seconds]; set ret "$nick last pooped [duration [expr $now - [or [lastpoop $nick] 0] ]] ago!"; set typ [last [ag ::pooptype "$nick[lastpoop $nick]"]];if {$typ ne ""} {lappend ret [btypeformattedfull $typ y]} ;join $ret}
|
||
proc _poophours nick { map [_poopseconds $nick] {{x} {expr $x / 3600.0}}}
|
||
proc blogentry:mkblogentrywords1 {} {set ::blogentrywords1 [lgrep {^[A-Z].*?(?:ic|ian|ite|ican|ede|ese)$} [words]]}
|
||
proc blogentry:mkblogentrywords2 {} {set ::blogentrywords2 [lgrep {^[a-z].*?(?:ive|ing|ous)$} [words]]}
|
||
proc jreisretarded {{jre dumb}} {return $jre}
|
||
proc aptmail {} {return "[chinkerize [daypart], [name] \nit's \"[niggerphrase]\" \nhttps://[camwhoreurl]/[virusfile] \n[choose [jewfullname] [muslimname] [waspfullname] [pythonname] [lolname] [niggerfulname]]]"}
|
||
proc lastblob__ who {set i 0; foreach l [lrange [lreverse [log]] [lastblob_ $who] end] { if { [second $l] != $who } { return $i }; incr i } }
|
||
proc dndgoon {} {goonsay "Some [dnd_word], [animal_word] [dnd_word] with some [dnd_word], [fatcookingword] in the [cooking_appliance] for [expr {int(rand()*5)+2}] minutes and top off with some [dnd_word]. [fatgoon_finale]."}
|
||
proc unless {expr body args} {uplevel 1 [concat [list if !$expr $body] $args]}
|
||
proc poot {} {. you pot'd :D \neveryday: 420}
|
||
proc lala str {set langs {en es ru fa nl it de pl ar}; for {set i 0} {$i < 3} {incr i} {set str [->[rpick $langs] $str]}; ->en $str}
|
||
proc randdraw {} {draw [join [pick10 {{0000 0000} {0000 0001} {0000 0010} {0000 0011} {0000 0100} {0000 0101} {0000 0110} {0000 0111} {0000 1000} {0000 1001} {0000 1010} {0000 1011} {0000 1100} {0000 1101} {0000 1110} {0000 1111} {0001 0000} {0001 0001} {0001 0010} {0001 0011} {0001 0100} {0001 0101} {0001 0110} {0001 0111}}]]}
|
||
proc STfeetdown {} { return " _ _ \n / ) ( \\ \n / ( ) \\ \n ( ) ( ) \n ''''o o'''' ";}
|
||
proc erectionnight {} crwnight
|
||
proc saytruefrance args {set wstring ""; for { set i 1 } {$i<=([string length $args]+14) } { incr i } { append wstring " " } ; return "[color white on white]$wstring\n[color blue on white] [name $args] \n[color white on white]$wstring"}
|
||
proc STgoonette {} {return " _.--._ \n ,' `.\n / __) __` \\\n ( (`-`(-') )\n /) \\ _ / (\n /' )-._.' . \\ ___\n ( ,--., `.)___(___)\n )( /-.,--'\\ _ \\X/`\n '/ .'/ \\ ( Uu\")\\\n / / \\ `/,-' )\n ( ^ , ,^ )`._.'\n ( `. Y .' )\n \\ `. )\\.' / )\n )`._.'=='._.' (\n / )\n ( .\"-.\n /(` -) / \\\n ( \\`-.__ -'_.\" `\n | \\`-.__.--\"v\" |\n `.' \\ |, ,\n / `._/ :"}
|
||
proc fatgoonweb {{glob {}}} {goonsay [fatgoonwebquote $glob]}
|
||
proc mdl {{who mdl}} {return "<@$who> OH GOD ANOTHER [string toupper [butte_word]] CRAVING"}
|
||
proc threat {{n {}}} {return "[name $n], I'll [act_word] your [body_part] if you don't [choose "watch it" "cut it out m8"]!"}
|
||
proc mdo {cmd {n 5}} { join [map [seq 1 $n] {x {eval $cmd}}] \n}
|
||
proc go:width gb { lindex $gb 1 }
|
||
proc fmt2asc fmt { set out ""; if {[lindex $fmt 0] != " "} {append out [^C][lindex $fmt 0]}; if {[lindex $fmt 1] != " "} {append out ",[lindex $fmt 1]"}; append out [lindex $fmt 2]; . $out}
|
||
proc aim_nimplink {name link} { aim -n $name "<a href=\"[nimpify $link]\">$link</a>" }
|
||
proc airbnb_average args {each [lrange [regexp -inline {data-avg-price="(\d+)".+?data-currency-symbol-left="([^"]*)".+?data-currency-symbol-right="([^"]*)".+?"([^"]+)" id="_bootstrap-can} [wget_follow https://www.airbnb.com/s/[urlencode $args]?room_types%5B%5D=Private+room]] 1 end] {{price lCur rCur loc} {html [html "[string map {{"} {} -- {, } - { }} $loc] $lCur$price$rCur"]}}}
|
||
proc time_since_unix_epoch args {poop [snow]}
|
||
proc sayussr args {set wstring ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=([string length $args]+6) } {incr i} {append wstring " "}; return "[color red on red]$wstring\n[color yellow on red] [name $args] \n[color red on red]$wstring"}
|
||
proc typical_mac_user-gen {} {. "(composite (composite (resize (image \"[magick_id [img-transparent-pixel]]\") 1024 512) [macify-gen [magick_id [typical_mac_user_image]]] 0 0) [macify-gen [magick_id [typical_mac_user_image]]] 512 0)"}
|
||
proc shitcoding {} {}
|
||
proc zybl0re_bash {} {return "<Zybl0re> get up\n<Zybl0re> get on up\n<Zybl0re> get up\n<Zybl0re> get on up\n<Zybl0re> get up\n<Zybl0re> get on up\n<Zybl0re> get up\n<Zybl0re> get on up\n<Zybl0re> get up\n<Zybl0re> get on up"}
|
||
proc mdt {{id random}} {unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<title>(.*)</title>} [http://mydrunktexts.com/view/received-texts/$id]]]}
|
||
proc fruitarian {} { join [lrain [list [rawvegan]]] " " }
|
||
proc +point nick { if {[info exists ::trivia_points($nick)] == 0} {set ::trivia_points($nick) 5} {incr ::trivia_points($nick) 5} }
|
||
proc mdu {} {incoming "DANGEROUS DONGS MASSIVE DONGS UNLEASHED"}
|
||
proc halfblock str { asc2hb [evenize $str] }
|
||
proc waron {} {return [http://pastebin.com/pastebin.php?dl=f3eea77d6]}
|
||
proc ucwords str {set sl [split $str]; for {set i 0} {$i<[llength $sl]} {incr i} {append ret [string totitle [lindex $sl $i]] " "}; string trimright $ret " "}
|
||
proc stripnick string {string trimleft [regsub "^<.*?>" $string ""]}
|
||
proc vxpify2 what {each [split $what \n] {line {. "\00300,[next_in_list $::chile_colours][strip_all $line]"}}}
|
||
proc roomba {} {ffw [b]a robot >8D[b]}
|
||
proc bubble_bottom str {bubble_worker $str "\\_/ "}
|
||
proc buttix {{who {}}} {. [macro buttrix]\n Neo Was really [name $who]}
|
||
proc negromgsmile {} {rainbow [omgsmile]}
|
||
proc macrumors:post {{id 0}} {if {$id == 0} {set id [rand [~macrumors:last_post_id]]}; html [lindex [regexp -inline {<!-- google_ad_section_start -->\n(.*?)\n<!-- google_ad_section_end -->} [~http://forums.macrumors.com/showpost.php?p=$id]] 1]}
|
||
proc spend {{who {}}} {join [map [split [sinewave "[name $who] should spend his [?? $::badjectives] riches on [upper [mccain_word]]"] "\n"] {line {. "\00300,[rand 15]$line"}}] \n}
|
||
proc necco2 {} { return "not ready for the furtop" }
|
||
proc cats? {} {. "[c2 0 cats]\n cats can't use irc"}
|
||
proc nc2 {} {stampsay -s vikingboat "I have the new [string toupper [swede_word]] [choose "computer desk" table chair lamp bedfram "shelf system" pillow] from IKEA in my room"}
|
||
proc pork {} {. shut the fuck up moira you stupid fucking cunt}
|
||
proc rbl_quote {} {eval [lindex_random $::rbl_quote_procs]}
|
||
proc invented {{i {}}} {return "<moira_> I remember when I invented [random_word $i], way back in [regsub -all {(\d\d)0(\d)} [rand 1900 2008] {\1-aught-\2}]"}
|
||
proc buddies_web {} {ajoin " " [string map {"I " "WE " "I'M" "WE'RE" "I AM" "WE ARE" "MINE" "OURS" " MY" " OUR" "I'VE" "WE'VE" "I'D" "WE'D"} [mohammed [onehug]]] "\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[STpumpkin]"}
|
||
proc dedcat {} {rain [embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 80 21] [ajoin "" [flip [STkitty]] "I'm [lindex_random $::cat_dict]" [string repeat { } 20] "I [regsub {ing} [lindex_random $::cat_dict] {ed}]" [STdeadcat2]] 1 8] [bt "ALIVECAT"] 14 2] [bt vs] 30 10] [bt DEDCAT] 20 16]}
|
||
proc urldecode_sequence sequence {set bytes [binary format H* [string map {% {}} $sequence]]; if [catch {encoding convertfrom utf-8 $bytes} result] {return $bytes} {return $result}}
|
||
proc lol args {return "[b][rainbow "*~*~* [hacker $args] *~*~*"]"}
|
||
proc dikky_word {} {lindex_random $::dikky_word}
|
||
proc mfp {} {return "\"I thought Napster was dead, WOW was I WRONG! Now with MovieFinderPro, I can find ANY movie on the Internet .\" ... D. Howe"}
|
||
proc noradio {is fukken gay} {return "error: wrong # args: should be \"noradio is fukken gay\""}
|
||
proc mm2 args sigh2
|
||
proc bitcoin_church args {fedoragoonsay [shitcoin]}
|
||
proc cellphonetrawl {} {eval [lindex_random $::aimpranks] [cellphonenumber]}
|
||
proc rainbowblock {{n 5}} { rainbow [string repeat "[string repeat "◤◢" $n]\n" $n] }
|
||
proc macro:find p {set n 0; each [lsearch -regexp -inline -all [macros] $p] {m {. "\002[uplevel {incr n}]\002) macro \002$m\002 -- \x1f[llength [lines [macro $m]]]\x1f lines"}}}
|
||
proc disclaimer {} {return "By using this bot you disclaim all rights to the code you submit and also probably like to suck a lot of dick"}
|
||
proc swinglump {{who {}}} {regsub lump.u.out [lump $who] swingle\ ur\ [sexpart]}
|
||
proc master_get_stat i {set l [lindex [array get ::mastermind_stats $i] 1]; if {[llength $l]<1} { array set ::mastermind_stats [list $i [list 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0]]; set l [lindex [array get ::mastermind_stats $i] 1] } else {}; return $l;}
|
||
proc get_fart2 fart {if {$fart eq "random.cgi"} {set cache ""} {set cache "~"}; html [b][join [lrange [regexp -inline -all {</a>: (.*?)</h1>.*<pre>(.*?)</pre>} [${cache}http://www.asciiartfarts.com/$fart]] 1 2] \n]}
|
||
proc funnylink {} {. [laugh] [jarlink]}
|
||
proc hellobusiness {} {return "<hello> okay, how about this guys, an internet [randor mail male] order business selling [strip_u [fetish_porn]]\n<hello> 2) ???\n<hello> 3) Profit!"}
|
||
proc abuse {{name {}}} {act "[string toupper [regsub {ing} [sex_act] {s}]] [name $name]"}
|
||
proc repeat {count block} {if {$count < 1} { return {}}; with list {foreach i [seq 1 $count] {lappend list [uplevel 1 $block]}} }
|
||
proc n_d args {newdrudge $args}
|
||
proc aimdeadprank args { aim -n [aimname $args] [deadprank] }
|
||
proc slashdot {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://rss.slashdot.org/Slashdot/slashdot]]]}
|
||
proc install_gentoo {{n {}}} {return "<@[name $n]> Installing gentoo is as simple as # [unixcmd] ./[join [random_word] _][virusextension] && [join [mapx [seq 0 30] x {concat "[unixcmd] ./[join [random_word] _][virusextension]"}] " && "]"}
|
||
proc cantcutback {} {magick composite [img-frot] [magick_id [sambackon [crw_word]]] 0 0}
|
||
proc ok_perform {} {return "performs [okey_specattack]"}
|
||
proc ac%line:title {{wrapat 25}} {set title ""; while {![string length ${title}]} { set title [last [regexp -inline {[<(](?:[ @+~])?[^>)]+[>)] (.+?)$} [logs:randomline]]]; }; return [string toupper ${title}]; }
|
||
proc aimbadtrip {{who {}}} {return "[aim -n [aimname $who] [badtrip]]"}
|
||
proc blaze {} {rainbow [acroform Bisexual Lifeform Assfucked Zealously Everyday]}
|
||
proc blog_word {} {choice "blog" "bloggy" "bloggity" "blogs" "blogging" "blog"}
|
||
proc themoreyouknow {} {return "[bgt the more]\n[bgt you know]"}
|
||
proc notaim args {
|
||
if {[lrange $args 0 0] eq "-n"} {
|
||
set nick [lrange $args 1 1]
|
||
set what [join [lrange $args 2 end]]
|
||
} elseif {[lrange $args 0 0] eq "-d"} {
|
||
set nick [rand_aim [join [list [lrange $args 1 1] "_aim_dict"] ""]]
|
||
set what [join [lrange $args 2 end]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
set nick [rand_aim]
|
||
set what [join $args]
|
||
}
|
||
set ret [list]
|
||
foreach dong [split $what \n] {
|
||
lappend ret ".aim:not $nick $dong"
|
||
}
|
||
join $ret \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc mroach_item {} {lindex_random $::mroach_item}
|
||
proc aimfuck {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] I fucked [niggerwoman] [niggername]}
|
||
proc bento {} {hardwrap "Im looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii \[cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)" 88}
|
||
proc favimage {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who added to favorites on [month] [rand 28], 200[choose 6 7 8]: [gis [choose [strip_u [fetish_porn]] "[shakti_word] porn" "[gayagenda:event]" "naked [singleethnic]" "[random_word] porn" "[singleethnic] porn" "[political_figure] nude"]]";}
|
||
proc lolquine {} {info body lolquine}
|
||
proc get_coords icao {
|
||
set ical [string toupper $icao]
|
||
if [cache exists airport_cache $icao] {
|
||
return [cache get airport_cache $icao]
|
||
}
|
||
set addr "http://maps.google.com/maps/geo?output=csv&oe=utf-8&q=$icao&key=ABQIAAAAdsSAw1O-7omKe7LKXavpFRQh99ZTDzCKrh6sdHmT446MSWVSuhQasqJRpIgMOXXBU7v4pHuaaCd2rA"
|
||
set api_output [split [cwget $addr] ","];
|
||
if {[lindex $api_output 0] != 200} then {error "geo api failed"};
|
||
set coords [lrange $api_output 2 3]
|
||
cache put airport_cache $icao $coords
|
||
return $coords
|
||
}
|
||
proc furcism {} {return "Furcism is just as bad a racism jackass, if you dont have anything intelligent to say shut the fuck up.... Obviously furry is in demand if the mod created a board for it, therefore he needs to fix the link, and you can just avoid it with your furcist ass. Geez im getting tired of lil pricks saying stupid shit. May a tiger eat your entrails....."}
|
||
proc pigeon {} {. once upon a time in the little channel of [channel] [name] lived and bred his small pigeons. These pigeons were trained into being combat pigeons - with one exception. If they encountered [name] they would instantaneously invade all its orifices and call for help. If, by chance, [name] would answer to this help call, everyone would be happy.}
|
||
proc image-gunman-face img { magick-scale-composite-center $img http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/zapistan.net/images/vt_gunman.png 0.4 }
|
||
proc faketcl {} {. <[?? [names]]> tcl proc [random_word] \{[choice [random_word] ""]\} \{[rndtcl_program]\}}
|
||
proc whatajunkie args {return "<\ aempirei >\ man its really true \n<\ aempirei >\ once you get hooked on $args, even if you quit \n<\ aempirei >\ there is no drug that seems interesting \n<\ aempirei >\ except that"}
|
||
proc song_troll {} {. "I love [lindex_random $::musicartists]'s music, [lindex_random $::songs] is probably my favorite"}
|
||
proc lre {list regex} {upvar $list lre_temp_list;lremove lre_temp_list [lsearch -regex $lre_temp_list $regex];}
|
||
proc device_dict {} {lindex_random $::device_dict}
|
||
proc where_is_incog {} where_is_incog_word
|
||
proc jbake {} {stampsay -s burger "J BAKE, NO TOMATE. NUGS. FROSTYS."}
|
||
proc magick_trans_canvas {w h} { magick_trans_canvas_scheme $w $h }
|
||
proc STtotoro {} { return $::totorostamp }
|
||
proc lqr args {lolqdb_rand_match $args}
|
||
proc alldeon {} {set ret [list]; foreach p [lsort [info procs radeon*]] {lappend ret [join [split [regsub -all {<@?[^>]+> } [strip_all [eval $p]] {}] \n]]}; join $ret}
|
||
proc clashing_colours {} {next_in_list {11 08}}
|
||
proc spew2 {} {join [mapx [seq 1 30] n {set c [rand 16]; strcat $c,$c " "}] {}}
|
||
proc meatloop {} {. frot\ntcl2 meatloop}
|
||
proc intersect {a b} {select $a {i {include? $b $i}}}
|
||
proc genre {} {lindex_random $::genre_dict}
|
||
proc STbeaker {} {. " WWWWW\n |o o|\n | O |\n |(\")|\n / \\X/ \\\n| V |\n| | |"}
|
||
proc python args {if {$args == ""} {set args [random_word]}; . __[string toupper [underscoreize [join $args]]]__}
|
||
proc permission_permute {triple {num 1}} {
|
||
;# take a rwx and step it down one level for the next triple
|
||
;# num denotes which triple we're operating on, to recognize last one for sticky
|
||
if {[rand 2]} { set triple [regsub {r} $triple "-"] }
|
||
if {[rand 2]} { set triple [regsub {w} $triple "-"] }
|
||
if {[rand 2]} { set triple [regsub {x} $triple "-"] }
|
||
set triple [regsub {[ST]} $triple "-"]
|
||
set triple [regsub {[st]} $triple "x"]
|
||
if {$num == 3} {
|
||
if {[rand 5] == 0} { set triple [regsub {x} $triple "t"] }
|
||
} else {
|
||
if {[rand 5] == 0} { set triple [regsub {x} $triple "s"] }
|
||
if {[rand 5] == 0} { set triple [regsub {x} $triple "S"] }
|
||
}
|
||
return $triple
|
||
}
|
||
proc overlay {f e} {
|
||
set r [list]
|
||
set l [split $f \n]
|
||
set a [split $e \n]
|
||
for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $l]} {incr i} {
|
||
set w [lindex $a $i]
|
||
foreach {m s} [regexp -all -inline -indices -- {( +)} [cstrip $w]] {
|
||
set x [lindex $s 0]
|
||
set y [lindex $s 1]
|
||
set w [creplace $w $x $y [crange [lindex $l $i] $x $y]]
|
||
}
|
||
lappend r $w
|
||
}
|
||
join $r \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc lastlog_qwantz {} {qwantz [lastlog_text 11]}
|
||
proc foxnews {} {return "[country_name] is filled with [food_word]-[word ing$] [word er$] [animal]s"}
|
||
proc poodletown {} {. http\://17.media.tumblr.com/1WdcmICRRlqb8ihvrtXUoMI4o1_500.png [tacotownyeah]}
|
||
proc nad {} {1/CCD1/ .}
|
||
proc samanthafml {} {samanthasay [wfml]}
|
||
proc rhelix {} {subst [choose {[vflip [ squared * ]]} {[squared *]} {[flip [isquare *]]} {[vflip [isquare *]]} {[isquare *]} {[flip [squared *]]}]}
|
||
proc min args { lindex [lsort -real $args] 0 }
|
||
proc aimf_stupidjones args {aimify stupidjones $args}
|
||
proc rndtcl_if n {bracketize_if $n "if {[rndtcl_expr $n]} {[rndtcl_statement]} {[rndtcl_statement]}[expr {$n ? "\]" : {}}]"}
|
||
proc %operz {} { . $::pukeonopers }
|
||
proc febricantesnet {} {regsub Z.{5} [czirc] BUTTES}
|
||
proc search {d s} {eval "lsearch -regex -all \$::$d $s"}
|
||
proc log_bytes_for nickname {inject [log_for $nickname] 0 {{count log_line} {+ $count [string bytelength [lindex $log_line 3]]}}}
|
||
proc filter {list block} {set out {}; foreach value $list { if {[yield $value]} { lappend out $value } }; return $out }
|
||
proc t12 args {return "<t12> I'm going to ROCCOS <t12> I'm filling myself with $args"}
|
||
proc foodsult {} {return "Residents of [country] and [lindex_random $::directions] [city] like to put [topping] on [plural [food_word]]"}
|
||
proc STsam {} {. \ __\n|.-.\n|_o|}
|
||
proc sperg str {eval "mastermind [split $str ""]"}
|
||
proc fema {{fag {}}} {act "watches as [name $fag] is dragged off to a FEMA camp!"}
|
||
proc gudrize str {set ret ""; set color [rand_color]; foreach word $str {while {[set next_color [rand_color]] eq $color} {}; set color $next_color; append ret "$color $word "}; return $ret}
|
||
proc stbtc:test1 width {set vals [list]; set x 0; for {set i 0} {$i<=$width} {incr i} {set choice [rand [expr $width + $i]]; if {$choice < [expr $width]} {lappend vals $x} elseif {$choice < [expr $width * 1.5]} {lappend vals [incr x]} else {lappend vals [incr x 2]}}; return $vals}
|
||
proc patriot {} {next_in_list {04 00 12}}
|
||
proc dongsvolution {} { ajoin " " "[nomg 1]\nEvolution\nOf\nMang" [dickroulettechoosen [name] 1] [dickroulettechoosen [name] 2] [dickroulettechoosen [name] 3] [dickroulettechoosen [name] 4] [dickroulettechoosen [name] 5] }
|
||
proc twitpic url { string repeat "▒▒▒ \n" 4 }
|
||
proc stbtc:test2 points {set chars [list ""]; set x [lindex $points 0]; set points [lreplace $points 0 0]; foreach i $points {set col [string repeat "\n" $i]; if {$i == $x} {append col "_"} elseif {$i == [expr $x + 1]} {append col "\\"; set x $i} else {set col [string repeat "\n" [expr $i - 1]]; append col "|\n\\"; set x $i}; lappend chars $col}; return $chars}
|
||
proc nam {} {subst [lindex_random $::nam]}
|
||
proc STsaq {} saq2
|
||
proc disneywall args {string map {. o O {D}} [omgwall]}
|
||
proc tweetmymorse {} {heynot [morseml]}
|
||
proc l0de {} jew
|
||
proc asuka {} {return "http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2368/2441887271_b03cc8c8cb.jpg?v=1209210103"}
|
||
proc caatpl {} {catback [stock AAPL]}
|
||
proc card_diamond a { return "$a\n /\\\n / \\\n \\ /\n \\/\n $a"; }
|
||
proc christian {} {raim christian}
|
||
proc females {} {bt none}
|
||
proc nick_loan {} { wget http://abez.ca/~abez/zybl0re_loan_2 }
|
||
proc fmtseconds s {clock format $s -format %T -gmt 1}
|
||
proc aimf_hitlerindustries args {aimify hitlerindustries $args}
|
||
proc wikipedia {} {string map {{The Bible} Wikipedia} [@bible]}
|
||
proc sperm a {return [repeatblock " _ o88888o \n _.-\"\"8o_o88888888D\n \"'\"\"\"88888\" " $a]}
|
||
proc ltg {} {. [letter_to_grandma]\n \n[fart]"}
|
||
proc 9wo {} {return " __\n/O \\\n\\''/"}
|
||
proc stuff {} {act "stuffs herself into Alien's mouth"}
|
||
proc olympics {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who of [country] takes the [choose gold silver bronze] medal in [choose "500 meter" "100 meter" Greco-Roman lightweight heavyweight freestyle] [crw_word]!"}
|
||
proc llast stuff {lindex $stuff end}
|
||
proc STraincloud {} { return " ,--. ,-. \n ( \` ). \n(' , , ;\n\`---'...-'--'\n',',',',',' ";}
|
||
proc alternate args {join [split $args {}] \026}
|
||
proc nar {} { nar:highlight [trim [unescape_html_entities [second [strip_html [regexp -inline {<div class="storycontent">(.*?)</div>} [wget [assoc [second [http get "http://notalwaysright.com/?random"]] Location]]]]]]] }
|
||
proc cachd_obama {} { return "Barack Obama beats white women"}
|
||
proc poodle {} { string map {W-- --- {Cow Sex} {A poodle's yip} {Here's The Beef} {Engorges my tip} { __} { @@} {_______} {@@@@@@@}} [cowsex] }
|
||
proc aimgentoo {{n {}}} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n $n use my own os? i do USE my own os, you dont, you use one someone else made for you, your entire OS is binary, fucking idiot, and i getting a sound card that isnt supported by linux whatsoever to work for half the time is alot more usefulness outta my os than you could ever amount to}
|
||
proc bighateporn {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; bighate $who [strip_u [fetish_porn]]}
|
||
proc bikecat {} { join [list " /\\**/\\ |" {( o_o )_ |} { (u--u \_) |} { (||___ )==\ } {,dP"/b/=( /P"/b\ } {|8 || 8\=== || 8} {`b, ,P `b, ,P} { """` """`} ] \n }
|
||
proc twatmystery {} {twat [fastmystery]}
|
||
proc spiegelmocks? {} reptoids?
|
||
proc image-blacklagoon url {magick composite http://magick.buttes.org/temp/912a6a3b01b6c3104829d76ec2cf8ecc.jpeg [magick_id [magick resize [magick grayscale $url] 88 120]] 220 38}
|
||
proc dickhead who {image-${who}head [0gis phimotic ring]}
|
||
proc entendre {{noun {}}} {if {$noun eq ""} {set noun [random_word]}; . I [regsub {(es|s|ing|e)$} [verb] {}]ed her $noun ifyouknowwhatimean!}
|
||
proc naw args { regsub "^.aim" [eval $args] ".aim:not" }
|
||
proc rshxd {} {return "Odin's gift to women"}
|
||
proc lweed {mylist {offset 0}} {set out [list]; for {set i $offset} {$i < [llength $mylist]} {incr i 2} {lappend out [lindex $mylist $i]}; . $out }
|
||
proc angry_sam args { sam3 $args }
|
||
proc babak {} {string map {{I } {Babak } my his me him} [fml]}
|
||
proc pledgie {} {. http://pledgie.com/campaigns/7720.png?[clock seconds]#.png\nhttp://pledgie.com/campaigns/7720}
|
||
proc nbr {} nigger_beer_review
|
||
proc jewword {} {lindex_random $::jewword_dict}
|
||
proc fools? {} {set i 0;foreach fool $::fools { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $fool [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i fools}
|
||
proc achtung args {. "malcom shits his pants"}
|
||
proc toke_countdown args { if {$::toke_countdown_n == 1} {set ::toke_countdown_n 11; . "SMOKE!!!\n[img-etoke]"} else {set ::toke_countdown_n [expr {$::toke_countdown_n - 1}]; . $::toke_countdown_n} }
|
||
proc pbvar var {paste set ::$var}
|
||
proc hijacked {} {return "my copy of [winprog] has hijacked [winprog]"}
|
||
proc fundiemac {{who {}} {post 0}} {return "[macrumors:post $post] [choose "THINK ABOUT IT" "Check MATE"], [name $who]"}
|
||
proc textwidth text { apply + [map [split $text {}] [& assocdfl $::fontsizearial16 9]] }
|
||
proc italian_first_name_f {} {jc 225}
|
||
proc needs args {return "urmom needs [join $args]"}
|
||
proc muslim_firstname {} {return [lindex_random $::muslim_firstname]}
|
||
proc lulzdown {{who {}} {minusthis 1} args} {set user [string toupper $who]; if {[nick] == $user} {. [selfmodder $user]} else {if [array exists ::lulzscores($user)] {set ::lulzscores($user) [list $user [concat [expr [last [array get ::lulzscores($user)]]-$minusthis]]]} else {set ::lulzscores($user) [list $user [concat $minusthis]]}; return "Lame Comment, $user!\n \[\-$minusthis\] $args"}}
|
||
proc latexte args {latext [latext_escape [join $args]]}
|
||
proc go:fill_flood_remove {color board x y} { if {[go:getxy $board $x $y] == $color} { foldxo xy o [go:set $board $x $y empty] {{1 0} {0 1} {-1 0} {0 -1}} {go:fill_flood_remove $color $o [+ $x [car $xy]] [+ $y [cadr $xy]]}} { return $board }}
|
||
proc adjective {} {lindex_random $::adjective}
|
||
proc dreamhost {} { goonsay "It must have [goonhost], [goonhost], and MOST IMPORTANTLY [goonhost] for UNDER \$10 a month."}
|
||
proc taint {} {. Insecure dependency in [choose eval exec system] while running with -T switch at /usr/local/lib/perl/[join [ucwords [crw_word]] "/"].pm line [?? [seq 45 280]]}
|
||
proc niggerbattle {} {string map {Okey Nigger OKEY NIGGER} [okeybattle]}
|
||
proc tracer%tree_init proc {set ::ttree_${proc} {}; set ::ttpos_${proc} 0}
|
||
proc img2casc url {set ok [img2asc $url]; colourise $ok [gen_palette $ok] }
|
||
proc STpeeinto {} {return { ( ( .--.
|
||
\ \/ .
|
||
/\ \ :
|
||
/ / /_ :
|
||
(_(___\ }}
|
||
proc announcement {} {return "[title] [pythonname] of [englishtown] and his lovely partner [title] [waspname] from [englishtown] and their pet [animal_word], [pet_name]"}
|
||
proc last {list {count 1}} { if {${count} == 1} {lindex ${list} end} else {lrange ${list} [- [llength $list] $count] end}}
|
||
proc cockefession {} {ajoin "" [wrap [join [niggerize "\<[name]\> [grouphug]"]] 50] "\n \\ \n " [flip [dicktopwise 5]]}
|
||
proc small_echelon {{s 2}} {choose_random_uniq $s [split [echelon]] }
|
||
proc mmm {} {. [fatgoon_finale].}
|
||
proc unescape_entities str { string map $::html_entities $str }
|
||
proc steveism {} {return [lindex_random $::steveism]}
|
||
proc nicklist {{who {}}} { set out [name $who]; if {[rand 3] == 2} { catch { set out [name $who]; lappend ::nicklist $out} }; return $out }
|
||
proc @_@2 {} {rain [embed [regsub -all "\x0f" [aflip [join [map [. [seq 1 [rand 15]] [seq [rand 15] 1]] {n {. "@[string repeat _ [expr int($n)]][string repeat { } [expr int($n * 2)]][string repeat _ [expr int($n)]]@"}}] \n]] " "] [bt @_@] 20 10]]}
|
||
proc neg {{who {}}} {return " NEGMASTER 5000 :::::: *A*C*T*I*V*E* /\\/\\/\\/\\/\\ injecting rna interference drug 2FH8AB... success ||| [name $who] is neg!"}
|
||
proc @_@3 {} {rain [regsub -all "\0xf" [giga join [map [. [seq 1 37] [seq 37 1]] {n {embed [. "@[string repeat _ $n][string repeat { } [expr 75 - ($n*2)]][string repeat _ $n]@"] "@_@" 38 1}}] \n] { }]}
|
||
proc chatbus {} {regsub Z.{7} [czirc] CHATBUS!}
|
||
proc water {} {shitstarter http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/koawater/koa-the-worlds-first-organic-water-made-from-100-j}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)time[2²]$/} {matches cmd args} {set testo2 [lsearch -all -inline -regexp [array names ::myweather] "(?i)^[last $matches]$"]; wolfram:time $::airport([upper $::myweather($testo2)])}
|
||
proc uchar_vflip args {set str [join $args]; set ret [list]; foreach ltr [split $str ""] { if { [lsearch -exact $::flipmap $ltr] != -1 } { lappend ret [uchar [string map $::flipmap $ltr]] } else { lappend ret $ltr } }; return [join $ret ""] }
|
||
proc canadianheckle {{cun {}}} {return "[omg] hey, [name $cun]! You [canadian_object] [canadian_object], eh?"}
|
||
proc wdnc args {gbt well done not caring}
|
||
proc vpost {message {subject {}} {poster {}}} {if {[clock seconds] <= ([cache fetch vpost last {. 0}] + 10)} {error "not so often ngr"}; cache put vpost last [clock seconds]; set id [vthread]; http post http://zip.4chan.org/v/imgboard.html resto $id name $poster com $message pwd gapp mode regist sub $subject; . posted: http://zip.4chan.org/v/res/$id.html}
|
||
proc adjective_scrape str {loffset [regexp -all -inline {%([a-z])} $str] 1 2}
|
||
proc winkatron {} {return "<Winkie> [pick 1 {. Day changed to [future_date]} 1 {. "[name]: sup"} 1 {. "oh man"} 1 {. "i'm [pick 1 {. "downloading"} 1 {. "reading"} 1 {. "watching"}] a quite terribly interesting [pick 1 { . "wikipedia article"} 1 { . "documentary"}] on [w_topic]"} 1 {. "brb [food_word] in the oven"} 1 {. "brb"} 1 {. "[name]: i say can you help me with my [pick 1 {. "perl"} 1 {. "php"} 1 {. "C++"}] script mate :) "} ]"}
|
||
proc weed {{weed yes}} {embed [embed [embed [canvas 50 25] [ascii weed] 1 1] [shrink [ascii weed]] 30 1] [shrink [shrink [ascii weed]]] 50 1}
|
||
proc suave-poof {} {return "[color yellow](((((\n[color blue]o-o [color fuchsia]SUAVE POOF\n [color white]vv"}
|
||
proc buttesfire {} {. git clone git://github.com/shaniqua/buttesfire.git ~/Library/Application\\ Support/Colloquy/Styles/buttesfire.colloquyStyle}
|
||
proc failwhale {} {. "Twitter is over capacity.\nPlease wait and try again.\n\n W W W\n W W W W\n '. W\n .-\"\"-._ \\ \\.--|\n / \"-..__) .-'\n | _ /\n \\'-.__, .__.,'\n `'----'._\\--'\n VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV"}
|
||
proc gridse {} {set buf ""; foreach gridse_word [lindex_random $::gridse] { append buf "\003[gridse_colours][regsub {^(.)} $gridse_word {\1}] "; }; return "$buf\003[gridse_colours]\x1f/\\";}
|
||
proc 911goonoi {} { embed [tower_of_goonoi 9] <-' 44 3 }
|
||
proc tigerwoods {} {. [string map {"dey dont da rerfale rine" "me dont wolk"} [chinkerize [niggerize [string map {janitorial golfin "garbage pickin" golfin booze pussy "court" "divorce court" "neighbors hoopdie" "neighbors wife"} [niggerboy]]]]]}
|
||
proc mmu {{who {}}} {smega {master [name $who] [rand 1 6] [rand 1 6] [rand 1 6] [rand 1 6]} 5}
|
||
proc aaron_deleted args {. I deleted [or [join $args] [?? $::mac_apps]] because I was tired of looking at it.}
|
||
proc spectro {} {set content [wget http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jywarren/public-lab-diy-spectrometry-kit]; regexp {data-backers-count="(\d+).*data-pledged="(\d+).*data-hours-remaining="([\d.]+)} $content matched backers amount left; . $backers chumps with $amount too many dollars ($[expr $amount/$backers] per chump) -- [format "%.1f" $left] hours left}
|
||
proc obama {{who {[name]}}} {. "<obama> [subst [lindex_random $::obama]]\n<[subst ${who}]> [subst [?? $::obama_response]]" }
|
||
proc babby {} {. \n"babby" is formed by adding a "b" to baby \n"pragnent" is formed by rearranging the "a" and the "e."}
|
||
proc cache_lolqdb_quote_lines {{id random}} { set lines [split [lolqdb $id] \n]; foreach line $lines { if { [lsearch -exact $::lolqdb_lines $line] == -1 } { lappend ::lolqdb_lines $line } } }
|
||
proc randmeasure2 {} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/[singlerandomword].html/?u=buttes"}
|
||
proc ordinalize number {return $number[switch [expr $number % 10] 1 {. st} 2 {. nd} 3 {. rd} default {. th}]}
|
||
proc jerkstore name {. the jerk store called and they're all out of $name}
|
||
proc twitter_ name { set src [wget https://twitter.com/$name "" 1]; set rl [rget {<title>(.+?) \(} $src]; set rd [regexp -inline -all $::twitter_regexp $src]; loffsetn $rd 1 6 4}
|
||
proc saq_expert_topic {} {?? $::saq_expert_topics}
|
||
proc randmeasure3 {} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/download/[fetish_porn].html/?u=[singlerandomword]"}
|
||
proc randmeasure4 {} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/download/[virusfile]/?u=[singlerandomword]"}
|
||
proc randmeasure5 {} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/download/[virusfile]/?u=[butte_word]"}
|
||
proc liberalagenda:time x { gayagenda:time $x }
|
||
proc randmeasure6 {} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/download/[virusfile]"}
|
||
proc solve_quadratic {a b c} { . [expr (-$b-sqrt($b*$b-4*$a*$c))/(2*$a)] [expr (-$b+sqrt($b*$b-4*$a*$c))/(2*$a)]}
|
||
proc randmeasure7 {{who {}}} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/~[name $who]/[virusfile]"}
|
||
proc randmeasure8 {{who {}}} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/~[name $who]/[virusfile]/u?=buttes"}
|
||
proc lasturl {} {stripnick [format_log_line [lindex [lgrepi {http://} [log]] end]]}
|
||
proc randmeasure9 {{who {}}} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/~[name $who]/[virusfile]/u?=[butte_word]"}
|
||
proc isprime? n {if {[ifactor $n] == $n} {. true} {. false}}
|
||
proc sendthemback {} { stampsay -s ghost "Send those [niggerword]s back to [niggerplace]. That's what I've always said." }
|
||
proc dumbstate {} {lindex_random $::dumbstates}
|
||
proc fetish_porn {} {lindex_random $::fetish_dict}
|
||
proc set_off_nick_hilight {} { return "[name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name] [name]" }
|
||
proc niggershscnews {} {return {economist says march 2007 superkaramba megadread: post yo' mahsql}}
|
||
proc octalc0desmom {} { return "octalc0de's mom slept with [info cmdcount] men and sucked [expr 2 * [info cmdcount] + 1] dicks"}
|
||
proc nfo str {if {int(rand()*10) > 5} {string map {I i} [string toupper $str]} else {string map {E e I i} [string toupper $str]}}
|
||
proc mpg {} ratio1
|
||
proc chile {} {return "\00312,12dspdspdsp\00304,04dspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00312,12dspdspdsp\00304,04dspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00300,00dspdspdspdspdspdspdspdspdsp\n\00300,00dspdspdspdspdspdspdspdspdsp"}
|
||
proc llprepend {mylist str} { set out [list]; foreach item $mylist {set out [lappend out $str$item]}; return $out }
|
||
proc babel {langs text} {lindex [regexp -inline {<div style="padding:\s*0.6em;">([^<]*?)</div>} [http post http://babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_txt lp $langs trtext $text]] 1}
|
||
proc weev {} {ncock 0}
|
||
proc image-fml:queries {} { set hb [gis [hotbutton]]; set fml [fml]; cache put image-fml hb $hb; cache put image-fml fml $fml }
|
||
proc catwx {} {catback [myt]}
|
||
proc mpk {} ratio2
|
||
proc porn_comment {} {tail 1 [s/\n.*@.*\n/\n/g [@BESTPORNCOMMENT#[rand 200]]]}
|
||
proc STroy {} {. "[col 0 1] ____ ____\n[col 0 1] / \\ / \\\n[col 0 1] | |==| [col 4 1]@[col 0 1] |\n[col 0 1] \\_[col 4 1]@[col 0 1]__/ \\____/_\n[col 3 1] / \\\n[col 3 1] / _____________/\n[col 3 1] / \\\n[col 3 1] / ___________/\n[col 3 1] / /\n[col 3 1] / /"}
|
||
proc yates_shuffle l { set len [llength $l]; array set ret {}; set i 0; foreach x $l { set ret($i) $x; incr i; }; for {set n $len} {$n > 1} {incr n -1} { set k [expr int($n*rand())]; set t $ret($k); set n1 [expr $n - 1]; set ret($k) $ret($n1); set ret($n1) $t; }; set o {}; for {set i 0} {$i < $len} {incr i} { lappend o $ret($i); }; array unset ret; return $o; }
|
||
proc tweetml {} {set ret ""; set fm [split [fml] .] ; foreach sent $fm { if {[string length $ret]+[string length $sent] < 140} {set ret "$ret $sent."} }; heynot [string map {"FML." ""} $ret]}
|
||
proc niggerdicks {} {. NIGGERDICKS}
|
||
proc where_is_winkie {} {. sulking}
|
||
proc judy {} {return "[bgt judy]"}
|
||
proc jewing {} {return "[ups]\n[downs]\n[quid]\n[eurofag]\n[incogs]"}
|
||
proc catcap {{ticker cat}} {catback [marketcap $ticker]}
|
||
proc chill args {return "[name $args] man i dont know i thought we were all adults but all this drama is so fucking highschool i mean really fuck it chill"}
|
||
proc easter {{size 20}} {eval [concat [list ajoin ""] [string repeat {[gaystripe] } $size]]}
|
||
proc unflag {} { . "[mac_icon AlertCautionIcon]" "[bold][color orange]Offensive chat flag has been removed, please proceed with caution." }
|
||
proc nourmom {} {return "urmom is a [marginalize] [unplural [ethnic_group]] from [country] who rubs [topping] into her [sexpart]"}
|
||
proc fuckt args { return "fuck tcl \' \n * $args"}
|
||
proc find_in_procs str {set ret [list]; foreach proc [info procs] {if {[string first [string toupper $str] [string toupper [info body $proc]]] != -1} {lappend ret $proc}}; if {$ret eq ""} {set ret "None"}; return $ret}
|
||
proc talkfish {} {talk [notaimfish]}
|
||
proc go:right {} {uchar 252b }
|
||
proc posted {{user {[name]}}} {set user [name [subst $user]]; set device [?? "Android iPhone Blackberry {Palm Pre}"]; return "$user posted [rand 50]min ago via [random_word] for $device "}
|
||
proc ebay_adjective {} {subst [lindex_random $::ebay_adjectives]}
|
||
proc swingle {} {pick 1 swinglerdate 1 {swinglerwish swingler} 1 trevor 1 swingler_cat 1 swinglerplot 1 swingler_deal 1 swinglump 1 swinglerangst 1 swinglerbet 1 {tf2 swingler " " train}}
|
||
proc C++ {} { . "[CamelCase [string tolower [random_word]]]()[choose . ->][camelCase [string tolower [random_word]]]()[choose . -> " << "][camelCase [string tolower [random_word]]][choose ++ () .c_str()];" }
|
||
proc fuckthatshit {} {. [img-hopper]\n[aud-fuckthatshit]}
|
||
proc film_about args { . [capitalize "[articleize [shakti_adj]] [name]"]: A film about [crw_word].}
|
||
proc trolldb args {regsub -all \n [rpick [lsearch -all -inline -regexp $::trolldb [join $args " "]]] ""}
|
||
proc kukluxrandeon {} {kukluxradeon [ethnic_cleansing_verb] [ethnic_group]}
|
||
proc aimono {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [upper [odin] [niggerphrase] [odin]]}
|
||
proc china {} {return [chinasay [concat "we rikey " [chinkerize [random_word]]]]}
|
||
proc distance {a b} { set len [strlen [longest $a $b]]; expr [- $len [stringDistance $a $b]]*1.00/$len }
|
||
proc translate_old {source_language destination_language args} {set text [join $args]; unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<textarea .*id=suggestion>(.*?)</textarea>} [http post http://translate.google.com/translate_t sl $source_language tl $destination_language text $text]]]}
|
||
proc AIVDbait args {ctcbait Queen Máxima and Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^image-(\w+)advice$/} {matches cmd phrase1 phrase2} { image-advice [img-[lindex $matches 1]head] $phrase1 $phrase2 }
|
||
proc nig nick {. < $nick> [niggers]}
|
||
proc mytwat {} {lasttwat [twatname [nick]]}
|
||
proc mrg args {macguy [apply macrumors $args]}
|
||
proc go:render_markup_board mboard {join [mapx $mboard row {join [mapx $row elm {go:$elm}] [go:spacer]}] \n}
|
||
proc almostcolorspew {} {return "\.aim px0 [spew]"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^↑(↑*)(..+)$/} {matches cmd} {^ [string length [lindex $matches 1]] [lindex $matches 2]}
|
||
proc STcocksegway {} {string map {" '_'" " /'_'"} [embed [ajoin " " "" [ncock 8]] [regsub -all " +\n" [flippedomgdude] "\n"] 0 1]}
|
||
proc weakless-poof {} {return "[color yellow]|||||\n[color cyan]O-O [color orange]WEAKLESS POOF\n [color silver]uu"}
|
||
proc smokin_sam args {. "<sam> god i could really use some [weed] right about now" }
|
||
proc pubs? {} {return "NOT A PUB IN SIGHT"}
|
||
proc 7pxby10pxblackbox {} {return [string repeat " \n" 10]}
|
||
proc newsbot {} {?? [odds [regex -all -inline {" title="([^"]+?)"} [http://www.theonion.com/features/news-in-brief]]]}
|
||
proc image-cumon img {magick_overlay [~magick flip $img] http://churchturing.org/x/cum-on-overlay.png}
|
||
proc facebook {} { subst [lindex_random $::facebook] }
|
||
proc lmgtfy args {tinyurl "http://letmegooglethatforyou.com?q=[join $args]"}
|
||
proc dinky_translate_test {cc str} {[last [string map {proc {} translate2 {} google.ca google.pl} [src translate2]]]}
|
||
proc lawlwla {} {return "To that, defendant Spitler responded simply: \"lawlwla\[.\]\""}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)ditions$/} {matches cmd} {[last $matches]back [conditions]}
|
||
proc monstercable {} {return "the dude at best buy says it holds more amps"}
|
||
proc rectum {} {return "Damn near killed 'um."}
|
||
proc nimpspace args {nimplink [myspace_url]}
|
||
proc msh {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://llco.org/feed]]]}
|
||
proc warhol_stamp args {set stamp [default $args [lindex_random [stamps]]]; ajoin "[bold]" "[warhol_colorize $stamp]\n[warhol_colorize $stamp]" "[warhol_colorize $stamp]\n[warhol_colorize $stamp]"}
|
||
proc image-kidpix url {magick_overlay $url [?? $::kidpixoverlays]}
|
||
proc acronym args {set a [string tolower [lindex $args 0]];set c [lindex $args 1];if {$a eq "add"} {acro $c [acroadd $c [lrange $args 2 end]]} elseif {$a eq "del"} {acrodel $c [lindex $args 2]} elseif {$a eq "clear"} {acroclear $c} elseif {$a eq "list"} {acrolist $c} {acroret $a}}
|
||
proc vuvuzela {{length 0}} {let {length {. B[join [repeat $length {?? {z Z}}] {}]!}} [if {$length == 0} {rand 200 1500} {set length}]}
|
||
proc samesnake2 {} {embed [samesnake] same 37 5}
|
||
proc image-bush url { magick-scale-composite-bottom-right $url http://assets.buttes.org/magick/2122bf0b355219321d714dab9f5dd4f8.png 0.4}
|
||
proc pakistan {} {'_-== BLESSD B THEY SCARED LAND ... HAPPY B THE BOUNCYEOUS RALM. CYMBAL OF HI-RESOLVE ....... LAND OF PAKISTAN. (PLEASE TELL FRIENDS OF FUN GOOD CHAT AT #PAKISTAN /TIMER 20 0 /SAY JOIN #PAKISTAN) (NO NAZIS!!!!) ==-_'}
|
||
proc oppress {{whom jewfull}} {if {$whom eq "jewfull"} {set whom [$whom]} {};ajoin " " [ajoin " " [bt (((] $whom] [bt { )))}]}
|
||
proc lastfm:isNewTrack {html {now 2000000000}} {set user [lastfm:user $html]; set trackid [lastfm:trackid $html]; set ltime [lastfm:lasttracktime $user]; if {$trackid == [lastfm:lasttrack $user]} { if {[expr $now - $ltime] > $::lastfmtimeouttime} { return 0 } { return 1}} { return 1}}
|
||
proc seen2 who { set t 0; set c {}; foreach line [log] { if {[second $line] == $who} {set t [first $line]; set c [last $line]} }; if { $t == 0 } {. no record of $who} {. [^C]14last seen[^C] [^B][duration [- [timestamp] $t]][^B][^C]14 ago saying [^C][^B]$c} }
|
||
proc namedropper args {. "Name dropping is lame\n$args taught me that."}
|
||
proc chins {{n 0}} {if {$n < 0} {set n 0}; if {$n > 17} {set n 17}; if {$n == 0} {return [STgoon]}; set lines [lines [STgoon]]; set chin [lindex $lines 2]; lremove lines 2; lappend lines [regsub -all _ $chin " "]; while {[incr n -1]} {lappend lines [regsub -all {[_O]} $chin " "]}; lappend lines [regsub -all O $chin _]; join $lines \n}
|
||
proc mrx {} {wet "mr_x is a fag"}
|
||
proc colours args {return "[lol error, british douchebag detected]"}
|
||
proc ac%line {} {set convol [lindex_random $::convol]; set line [subst "\[${convol}\]"]; if {[rand 20] < 8} { set line [insectify ${line}]; }; if {[rand 30] < 7} { set line [tootify ${line}]; }; . [center2 [wrap ${line} ${::ac%wrapat}]]; }
|
||
proc agendafight {{n1 {}} {n2 {}} {num 5}} {if {$n1 eq ""} {set n1 [?? [array names ::agenda ]]};if {$n2 eq ""} {set n2 [?? [array names ::agenda ]]}; ajoin "[^O] " [agenda__ $n1 $num] [agenda__ $n2 $num]}
|
||
proc bitcoins? {} {return "NOT A BITCOIN IN SIGHT"}
|
||
proc casual_encounter {} {?? [rss_headlines http://pipes.yahoo.com/pipes/pipe.run?_id=4a105e051addaa58abe28f976d8e4dd7&_render=rss]}
|
||
proc troller {} trolldb
|
||
proc emonorge {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who "reshxed"}; return "<@$who> [norway [strip_newlines [cached_onehug]]]"}
|
||
proc your_retardid {} {giga [rainbow {retard}]}
|
||
proc shitskin {} {return "Would you like another piece of waddymelon to go with that fried chicken and malt liquor? Beat it shitskin banjolips. This is a place for humans"}
|
||
proc repeated_word {{jresux {}}} {if {$jresux eq ""} {set jresux [string map {"'s" ""} [word]]};return "$jresux! $jresux! $jresux!"}
|
||
proc google_suggest_results_for query {set res [lindex [json2dict [~http://clients1.google.com/complete/search?client=safari&[? q $query]&safe=off]] 1]; return [map $res {x {lrange $x 0 1}}]}
|
||
proc epicbattle {{who1 {}} {who2 {}}} { subst " EPIC BATTLE ROYALE !!!!\n[ajoin " " "[fathead_chins 2]\n[*word] [name $who1]" "\n\nVS" "[flip [fathead_chins 2]]\n[*word] [name $who2]"]\n WHO WILL WIN!" }
|
||
proc nipron {} {. [bold][color black on yellow]ただロンポールが金水準を支持する[color][bold]}
|
||
proc CamelCase args {join [split [capitalize [regsub -all {\s+} [regsub -all {\W+} [join $args] { }] { }]]] {}}
|
||
proc soltex {} {return "you tried [random_word], some [random_word] you can kick ass [random_word]... [string toupper [random_word]]"}
|
||
proc swede_city {} {?? $::swede_city}
|
||
proc mygod args {return "[join ${args}].\nMy God."}
|
||
proc mattr m {
|
||
set row {}
|
||
set transpose {}
|
||
foreach c [lindex $m 0] {
|
||
lappend row 0.0
|
||
}
|
||
foreach r $m {
|
||
lappend transpose $row
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
set nr 0
|
||
foreach r $m {
|
||
set nc 0
|
||
foreach c $r {
|
||
lset transpose $nc $nr $c
|
||
incr nc
|
||
}
|
||
incr nr
|
||
}
|
||
return $transpose
|
||
}
|
||
proc lbt_ {who seconds {last 200}} { set out {}; set buf {}; set ltime 2000000000; foreach l [last [log] $last] { if { [second $l] == $who && [- [first $l] $ltime] < $seconds } { if { $ltime == 2000000000 } { set ltime [first $l] }; lappend buf $l } { if { $buf != {} } { lappend out $buf; set buf {} }; set ltime 2000000000; } }; if { $buf != {} } { lappend out $buf }; return $out }
|
||
proc imgaflip url {if ![cache exists imgaflip_norm $url] {return "Run imgaflipcompose url first"} else {set first [magick_id [magick composite $::imgaflipcanvas [cache get imgaflip_flop $url] 0 0]]; set second [magick_id [magick composite $first [cache get imgaflip_norm $url] 150 0]]; set third [magick_id [magick composite $second [cache get imgaflip_flipflop $url] 0 150]]; return [magick composite $third [cache get imgaflip_flip $url] 150 150]}}
|
||
proc rainbow args {set ret ""; foreach char [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {if {$char eq ","} {set char ",,"};append ret [gay]$char}}; return $ret;}
|
||
proc pres args {press $args}
|
||
proc cached_ScheisseGern {} {if [catch ScheisseGern result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_ScheisseGern]}; cache_list cached_ScheisseGern $result}
|
||
proc exqueue args {return [biggaybowtext "x_Q"]}
|
||
proc tranny? args { subst { Hey [name $args] are you one of those [trannies] } }
|
||
proc STdiamond {} { return " /\\ \n / \\ \n \\ / \n \\/ ";}
|
||
proc aimregisterdomain args {aim -n [aimname $args] [registerdomain]}
|
||
proc blackjack_hitme p { if [blackjack_bust_check $p] { return "YOU'RE BUSTED"; } else { }; set o [blackjack_hit $p]; if [blackjack_bust_check $p] { return [ajoin " " "BUSTED" $o]; } else { return $o }; }
|
||
proc drudgestory {} { string toupper [subst [lindex_random $::drudge_headlines]] }
|
||
proc swineflu {} { string map {"pig iron" "swine flu" } [pigiron]}
|
||
proc strawman {strawman pinhead {fan shaniqua}} {tinyurl [. http://duriansoftware.com/toys/strawman.html?byline=[urlencode $fan]&strawman=[urlencode $strawman]&pinhead=[urlencode $pinhead]]}
|
||
proc prev x { - x 1 }
|
||
proc keepitreal {} {return "THERE ONCE WAS A WIGGER NAMED MARK / WHO ROLLED IN HIS SHIT TO LOOK DARK / HE BOASTED FOR SHOW / ABOUT SHOVELING SNOW / AND MADE LOTS OF STUPID REMARKS\nHE GOT BANNED FROM SA / SO HE THEN CAME TO SASS / NO ONE REALLY LIKED HIM / HE SMELLED LIKE MY ASS\nSTILL EVERYONE HATES HIM / AS YOU CAN TELL BY MY THREAD / IF THERE WAS A GOD / POOPY MARK WOULD BE DEAD"}
|
||
proc odd {} {. ODD}
|
||
proc SToven {} {return " _________\n |_________|\n / () () /|\n / / |\n / () () / |\n|=========| |\n|| || |\n|| || |\n||_______|| /\n| | /\n|_________|/"}
|
||
proc STbuddha {} {. " _=_\n q\(-_-\)p\n '_\) \(_`\n /__/ \\\n _\(\<_ / \)_\n \(__\\_\\_|_/__\)"}
|
||
proc dizang2 {} {s/ang/izang/ [dang2]}
|
||
proc nln {} { return \n }
|
||
proc kittytouch {{who {}}} {return "`*-.\n ) _`-.\n. : `. .\n: _ ' \\\n; *` _. `*-._\n`-.-' `-.\n ; ` `.\n :. . \\ Please don't let\n . . : .-' . [name $who] touch me\n ' `+.; ; ' : *mew*\n : ' | ; ;-.\n ; ' : :`-: _.`* ;\n .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*'\n`*-* `*-* `*-*'"}
|
||
proc get_ip {} {_dict_get [json2dict [wget http://ipinfo.io/json]] ip}
|
||
proc abad {} { return " \n\2MY NAME IS ABAD, WHOAAA LOOK AT ME i LiKe TO P1zz ONTO FIRES\2\n\n[embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 30 10] [ncock 1] 1 5] [fire] 20 5] [flip [ystream 20 3]]" 6 2] [ystream 20 3] 16 2]\n IM HIGH AND WASTED"}
|
||
proc nmf {} next_mac_feature
|
||
proc STlightrain {} { return " ,--. ,-. \n ( \` ). \n(' , , ;\n\`---;---;'--'\n '--,'-, ";}
|
||
proc arabic {} {mapx [seq 1 [+ 4 [rand 6]]] x {rands [+ 4 [rand 6]]}}
|
||
proc watching args {return " __,-'____| ___ /' |\n /' `\\,--,/' `\\ /' |\n( ) ( )'\n \\_ _/' `\\_ _/\n \"\"\" \"\"\" I R WATCHING Y0U [string toupper [join $args]]"}
|
||
proc agendawheel {{name {}}} { wheeldecide $::agenda([or $name [nick]]) }
|
||
proc cnotice {} {return " PLEASE DO NOT COPY, ALTER OR DISTRIBUTE "}
|
||
proc kallemao {} {rainbow "Kalle != kalleboo"}
|
||
proc blowjob {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} {set name [nick]}; act blows $name}
|
||
proc cache_lappend {name key value} {cache put $name $key [linsert [cache_get_default $name $key {}] end $value]}
|
||
proc firsttheycame args {set ret ""; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $args]} {incr i} {if {$i == 0} {append ret "First"} else {append ret "Then"}; append ret " they came for the [lindex $args $i]s, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a [lindex $args $i]\n"}; return $ret}
|
||
proc tubebox args {apply audioconcat [map $args {x {. http://churchturing.org/x/tube[format %02d $x].wav}}]}
|
||
proc hateporn {{puntime {}} {shemales {}}} {if {$puntime eq ""} {set puntime [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$shemales eq ""} {set shemales [strip_u [fetish_porn]]}; set lol "$puntime: why do you hate $shemales"; append lol "?"; return $lol}
|
||
proc STdongboy {} {return " |||\n O_O\n _/ /\n /( Y)\\\n ^ /\\ ^\n ` `"}
|
||
proc aksgeordi args {geordrzejsay [niggerize [urbandictionary $args]]}
|
||
proc ari_pua {} {caption [img-ari] [p_a]}
|
||
proc gangpaste str {http post "http://$::pastehost/ok.php" "data=[urlencode $str]"; . http://$::pastehost/ok.txt}
|
||
proc chinsamid2 {{in 5}} {set n [constrain 4 20 $in]; join [map [zip [map [seq $n 1] {{x} {string repeat " " $x}}] [concat [list __________ {(--[ .]-[ .]} {( O )}] [map [seq 1 [- $n 3]] {{x} {return "([string repeat " " [+ 12 [* 2 $x]]])"}}]]] {{x y} {return $x$y}} ] \n}
|
||
proc getansi args {. get your own shit malcom}
|
||
proc buttesread {{n 13}} {if {$n < 1} {set n [llength $::buttesread]}; fuckingcolumns [linsert [ltop [shuffle $::buttesread] $n] 0 {title author {recommended by}}]}
|
||
proc modhash {} {return $::modhash}
|
||
proc ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa {} {return "~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa"}
|
||
proc lbts {who seconds len {last 200}} { set ok [lbt $who $seconds $len $last]; set i 0; join [map $ok {x { incr i; set a [log2msg $x]; . [alert__ saved to \$tmp$i]\n[set ::tmp$i $a] }}] \n }
|
||
proc char-gudrize str {set ret ""; set color [rand_color]; foreach word [split $str ""] {while {[set next_color [rand_color]] eq $color} {}; set color $next_color; append ret "$color$word"}; return $ret}
|
||
proc shsc_experience {} {subst [?? $::shsc_experience]}
|
||
proc nmu args {return "There is not much going on in my life at the present timeframe of which you speak about. How about your life in the current timeframe?"}
|
||
proc {} aapl
|
||
proc jewamid {} {pyramid jew\ }
|
||
proc wet2 args {set str [strip_all [join $args]]; if {[string length $str] > 1400} {error "too long, spic"}; set prefixes [list \n {} \n \n\n]; set args [list]; set i 0; foreach c [split $str {}] {if {$c eq " "} {lappend args " "} {lappend args [lindex $prefixes [expr {$i % 4}]][et $c]; incr i}}; eval [concat [list ajoin " "] $args]}
|
||
proc tboner {} { string map {{|| | |} {}} [toilet_boner] }
|
||
proc niggerbuttes {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who "#buttes"}; return "[niggerize "$who is the cool place to hang out. You can find most of the cool people there. In $who you can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. \"[niggerphrase]\" is the $who motto, for example, that's how laid back it is there. Show up if you want to have a good time. Another good reason to show up is if you want to hang out with friends."]"}
|
||
proc train_line {} {?? $::train_line_dict}
|
||
proc idole args {
|
||
if {$::doletimer([nick]) <= [clock seconds]} {set dole_waste_of_time [rand 2 4];set ret_d [me gives [nick] [rand 10 35] £. \r\n$dole_waste_of_time hour[string repeat {s} [regexp {\d} $dole_waste_of_time]] of your life are now gone.\r\n];dole_resetclock;dole_reset_signons;return $ret_d; } {set dole_waste_of_time [rand 2 4];dole_add_signon;set ret_d [. [me pats [nick] on the head.\r\nGood job coming down to sign on!\r\nFor the $::dole_signons([nick]). time this week as well! \r\n] \r\n$dole_waste_of_time hour[string repeat {s} [regexp {\d} $dole_waste_of_time]] of your life are now gone.\r\n];dole_clock_subtracthour;return $ret_d;}
|
||
}
|
||
proc biggest mylist { set big -100; foreach num $mylist { if {$num > $big} {set big $num} }; . $big }
|
||
proc barjoke {{n {[niggerword]s}}} {subst "So this [unplural $n] walks into a bar and says to the bartender \"Gimme a bottle of [booze_word].\" The bartender says \"Hey, we don't serve $n in here!\" So the [unplural $n] says \"Don't serve $n? [string toupper [niggerphrase]]!\""}
|
||
proc canadianize {{args {}}} {string map {"?" ", eh?" "!" ", you hoser!" "." ", eh?" "out" "oot" "oat" "oot"} $args}
|
||
proc myb {} {if {[nick] == "stopmakingsense"} {. "missing"} else {. "s it"}}
|
||
proc imgayforever {} {set ok [rpick [info proc]]; set arg [llength [third [inspect $ok]]]; . $ok - $arg:\n[eval $ok[string repeat " a" $arg]]}
|
||
proc bleep {} {return "<bleep> i just booted [os] on my [device_dict]"}
|
||
proc jumm {} {. <moira> [moiradrunk]\n<moira> jumm}
|
||
proc aimmontspace args {aim -n [aimname $args] Hey check out my montspace http://www.montspace.com/[collegeidiot]}
|
||
proc engimos? {} {. "[count_nicks engimo] ...but it's 1 too many"}
|
||
proc famousniggerwoman {} {lindex_random $::dict_famousniggerwomen}
|
||
proc myd {} {if {[nick] == "aenima"} {. "revolting and disfigured"} else {. "s it"}}
|
||
proc moiraslant {} {return "[bgt MOIRA IS A]\n[bgt SLANT-LOVER]"}
|
||
proc goon_shopping {} { return "[rand 55] Kg of [?? $::goon_solidfood].\n[rand 30] [?? $::goon_solidfood]s.\n[rand 20] liters of [?? $::goon_liquidfood].\n[rand 39] samples of [goon_food]" }
|
||
proc gapes2 args {set buf {}; for {set x 0} {$x < 18} {incr x} {append buf "[string repeat { } $x][regsub -all { } [split $args {}] [string repeat { } $x]" "\n"}; . $buf}
|
||
proc bristolgraphical args {second [lindex $::stoollookup [expr int($args) - 1]]}
|
||
proc asc2hb str {m [chunk [nlsplit $str] 2] {x {asc2hb_pair [join $x \n]}} \n}
|
||
proc jump {} {embed [ultra911] [fullwidth "o\nv\n|\nn"] 50 15}
|
||
proc nop {} {string tolower [string map {{I am } {He is } {I } {he } { my} { his} { me} { him} {I'm } {he's } {I've } {he's }} [regsub "I " [fml] "Nop "]]}
|
||
proc likeaboss args {upper [join [or $args [next_in_list $::likeabosslyrics]]] ([next_in_list {{LIKE A BAWSS} {LIKE A BAWSS} {LIKE A BAWSS} {LIKE A BOSS}}])}
|
||
proc ruby_on {} {. Ruby on [word ^r]}
|
||
proc kikes {{args {}}} {if {$args eq ""} {set args "kikes"}; return "nobody wants, nobody likes, $args $args $args"}
|
||
proc gbsfm_fanfiction {} {return "As [name] was slowly and gently [sex_act] [name]'s [sexpart], they whispered 'hush, it will all be over soon'."}
|
||
proc p_a {{glob {}}} {return [pua_anecdote $glob]}
|
||
proc resumeline {} {subst [lindex_random $::resumelines]}
|
||
proc not x {if {$x==0 || $x==""} { return 1 } { return 0 }}
|
||
proc insultme {} {each [lrange [shuffle [lgrepi "([join $::generic_insult_dict "|"])" [lgrepi {^((?!tcl).)*$} [log]]]] 0 23] {{x} {format_log_line $x}}}
|
||
proc args_lmiot args {subst -nobackslashes [string map {{BUTTES CHAT} {[string toupper [eval $args]]}} [butteschat]]}
|
||
proc restore {captured_vars {level 1}} {
|
||
foreach {type vars} $captured_vars {
|
||
foreach {var value} $vars {
|
||
if {$type eq "scalars"} {
|
||
uplevel $level [list set $var $value]
|
||
} elseif {$type eq "arrays"} {
|
||
uplevel $level [list array set $var $value]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc obfuscate str { return tcl\ return\ \[gudrize\ \[q\ \[rot13\ \"\\u0031\"]]]\[q\ \[rot13\ \[q\ 0]]]\[eval\ \[rot13\ \"[rot13 $str]\"]]\[q\ \[rot13\ \"\\x030\"]]\[rainbow\ \[tinfoil\ \[q\ \[q\ \[shittify\ two]]]]]\[q\ \\060]\[gudrize\ \[q\ \"\\x031\"]]\[rainbow\ \[gudrize\ \[q\ 0]]]\[q\ \\061]\[gudrize\ \[q\ \"1\"]]\[q\ \[rot13\ \\u0030]]\[rainbow\ \[tinfoil\ \[q\ \\x030]]] }
|
||
proc cpchart10 args {. Sadistic/Bestiality Pictures showing a child being tied, bound, beaten, whipped or otherwise subject to something that implies pain./Pictures where an animal is involved in some form of sexual behaviour with a child.\n}
|
||
proc {unknown:4:cmd/(\d{4})/} args {mm [last $args]}
|
||
proc inzog {} {subst \[[?? [list incog lncog popeye2 wolol]]\]}
|
||
proc genderoulette {} gender
|
||
proc bonery {} { return "[ajoin " " [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]] [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]] [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]] [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]] [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]] [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]] [dicktopwise [randor 1 4]]]\n I'm DETECTING A BONERY SIGNAL" }
|
||
proc cclock {} {return " _____\n _.'_____`._\n .'.-' 12 `_.`.\n /,' _ /\\)`.\\\n // 10(/\\ / / 2 \\\\\n ;; \\ \\ / / ::\n || 9 (Y ( Y) 3 ||\n :: \" \"\" ;;\n \\\\ 8 4 //\n \\`. 7 5 ,'/\n '.`-.__6__.-'.'\n ((-._____.-))\n _)) ((_\n '--' '--'\n IT'S COCK O'CLOCK"}
|
||
proc choosecolor {} {lindex_random $::color_names}
|
||
proc STomgComp {} { return [omgComp 1]; }
|
||
proc fanfiction {} gbsfm_fanfiction
|
||
proc myt {} mytemp
|
||
proc gayagenda:time {{hour 0} {min 0} {second 0}} { regsub {^0} [clock format [+ [midnight] 3600*$hour 60*$min $second] -format "%I:%M %p"] { }}
|
||
proc oic {} {smega {say "oic"}}
|
||
proc myu {{who {[nick]}}} {wu $::wu([name [subst $who]])}
|
||
proc grouphug2 {} {join [mapx [split [html [regsub -all \t [lindex [regexp -inline {<div class="content">\n <p>(.*?)</p>\n </div>} [wget http://grouphug.us/]] 1] {}]] \n] line {concat "$prefix$line"}] \n}
|
||
proc urlescape str {string map $::url_pairs $str}
|
||
proc sombrerify2 {comic {head { .'```"".}}} {inject [locate $head $comic] $comic {{canvas coords} {embed $canvas ____n____ [expr [first $coords] + 1] [expr [- [last $coords] 1] + 1]}}}
|
||
proc normiehate {} {goonsay [?? $::wizard_quotes];}
|
||
proc drudgestories {} {string toupper [subst [join [lselect_random $::drudge_headlines 10] \n]]}
|
||
proc rigamid {} {return [pyramid rig\ ]}
|
||
proc myw args {{s/ C\)/˚C)/g} [myweather]}
|
||
proc gradient {a b {width 30}} {join [mapx [seq 1 21] n {gradient_line $n $a $b $width}] \n}
|
||
proc chatfreq {{n 5}} {set since_t ([clock seconds]-60*$n); word_count [map [log] {{x} { return "{[lindex $x 1]}" }}]}
|
||
proc trollme {} {rpick $::trolldb}
|
||
proc luremarty2 {} {return "marty: when are you coming to presfest, there's free [weed] and [drug]"}
|
||
proc incog_agenda {} {string map {SCHLEMIHL WINKIE} [incog_agenda]}
|
||
proc dasherize phrase {join [split $phrase] -}
|
||
proc dfeooj url {last [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [wget http://downforeveryoneorjustme.com/[urlencode ${url}]]]}
|
||
proc nubamid {} {pyramid "nub "}
|
||
proc slot_stats_spent who {if ![info exists ::slot_stats(spent,$who)] {set ::slot_stats(spent,$who) 0}; return $::slot_stats(spent,$who)}
|
||
proc phpquality {} {faglet [php]}
|
||
proc magick-concat {img1 img2} { magick_scheme [magick-concat-gen $img1 $img2] }
|
||
proc p_s {} politics_suicide
|
||
proc btc_update {} {if {[rand 3]==1} {set ::btc_last [expr round($::btc_last * [normal 1 0.05] * 10000)/10000.0]}}
|
||
proc canadaOD {} {strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp [concat I just ate [oxfordjoin [map [shuffle $::canadian_food_dict] {x {return "[eval rand 1 20] $x\s"}}]]. I told ya hosers aboot how I was hardcore, eh? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa.]]}
|
||
proc pua_verb {} {lindex_random $::pua_verb}
|
||
proc pad s {join [addspaces [llength [split $s \n]] [split $s \n]] \n}
|
||
proc gizzle {{who {}}} {join [map1 [split [wrap [hacker [rotflmao $who]] 100] \n] rainbow] \n}
|
||
proc dancingfontstrip str {regsub -all {[^a-zA-Z ]} $str " "}
|
||
proc grift2 {{who {}}} {. "[upper hey [name $who], want to buy some [choose fried {deep fried} {deep fat fried}] [lindex_random $::goon_solidfood] for $[lindex_random [seq 5 20]]]"}
|
||
proc cityfathers {} {}
|
||
proc fixchargen4real {} {}
|
||
proc smallcaps args {string map [smallcap_map] [string tolower [join $args]]}
|
||
proc arabs? {} {set darrabs 0; set darrabens ""; foreach darren [string tolower [names]] { if [regexp {^a-?rab@|root@127\.0\.0\.1$} [hostmask $darren]] { append darrabens "$darren "; incr darrabs; }; }; return [c "$darrabs ARABS:" [join $darrabens ","]];}
|
||
proc sexpartade {{who {}}} {set part [sexpart]; return "[name $who] is a real \"[plural $part] into ${part}onade\" sort of feller"}
|
||
proc Whatbot {} {subst "^_____^ http://www.wakachan.org/os/src/[regsub -all "{|}" [subst [regsub -all {\s+} [split [string repeat \ 7] {}] {[rand_digit]}]] ""].[lindex_random {"gif" "png" "jpg"}]"}
|
||
proc bigfont {str n} {regsub -all {:} [regsub -all {([a-z]|[A-Z])} [rcolorize [scale [fg $str Doh] $n]] \u2588] \u2588}
|
||
proc ebayize url {string map {? W0QQ % Q & QQ = Z} $url}
|
||
proc abez {} { return "[CANADA [rainbow "schindler's list"]]" }
|
||
proc catbus {} {subst "<Catbus> [lindex_random $::catbus]" }
|
||
proc conditions {} {. "[capitalize [mycond]], [expr round([raw_fahrenheit])] F"}
|
||
proc exxxqueue {} {return [biggaytext X][rainbow _Q]}
|
||
proc vpad {str lines} {append str [string repeat "\n " [expr $lines-[llength [nlsplit $str]]]]}
|
||
proc spiral {} {set c [canvas 60 30]; set x 25; set y 12; for {set r 0} {$r < [expr 80*[pi]]} {incr r 1} { set nx [expr round($x+cos($r*0.1+[pi])*$r*0.08)]; set ny [expr round($y+sin($r*0.1+[pi])*$r*0.08)]; set c [2dsetchar $c $nx $ny X]}; . $c}
|
||
proc moosex {} {cowsay sex}
|
||
proc go:left {} {uchar 2523 }
|
||
proc jewgirl {} {. [gis "anne frank"]}
|
||
proc image-leeipad url { leeipad_scheme $url }
|
||
proc aimf_mymyspace args {aimify mymyspace $args}
|
||
proc viscosity {} {lindex_random $::viscosity}
|
||
proc randart:serialize {canvas w h} {
|
||
set o "";
|
||
set x 0;
|
||
set y 0;
|
||
foreach {c} $canvas {
|
||
append o $c;
|
||
incr x;
|
||
if {$x==$w} {
|
||
set x 0
|
||
incr y
|
||
if {$y!=$h} {
|
||
append o \n
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return $o
|
||
}
|
||
proc aapl {} {set aapl [stock aapl]; if {[regexp {\+\d} $aapl dummy]} {. [uchar f8ff 20 2708] $aapl} else {. [uchar 2708 20 f8ff] $aapl}}
|
||
proc YIFF {} {return "MURR"}
|
||
proc lulzcrime args {return "[name $args] does not entail the lulz; [name $args] IS the lulz."}
|
||
proc eotw args {set week [clock format [clock seconds] -format "%U"]; if {[lsearch [array names ::eotws] $week] < 0} {set a 0;set b 0;set c 0;set d 0; while {!$a} {set a [expr int(12*rand())-6]};while {!$b} {set b [expr int(12*rand())-6]};while {!$c} {set c [expr int(12*rand())-6]};while {!$d} {set d [expr int(12*rand())-6]};set ::eotws($week) [list [expr $a*$c] [expr $a*$d+$b*$c] [expr $b*$d]];};set a "[lindex $::eotws($week) 0]x^2";set b [lindex $::eotws($week) 1];if {$b > 0} {set b " + [expr $b]x"} elseif {$b eq 0} {set b ""} else {set o " - [expr abs($b)]x"};set c [lindex $::eotws($week) 2];if {$c > 0} {set c " + $c" } elseif {$c eq 0} {set c ""} else {set c " - [expr abs($c)]"};return "Congratulations y = $a$b$c\nYou are the\nequation of the week";}
|
||
proc aimf_nuremberg args {aimify nuremberg $args}
|
||
proc rand_char2 {} {lindex_random [split [alphabet] {}]}
|
||
proc goatkcd args {set num $args; set api "http://dynamic.xkcd.com/api-0/jsonp/comic"; if {$args eq {latest} || $args eq {}} {set max [lindex [json2dict [wget $api]] 3]; if {$args eq {latest}} {set num $max} {set num [rand $max 120]}}; set json [wget $api/$num]; set title [lindex [json2dict $json] 11]; set alt [lindex [json2dict $json] 15]; set xkcd [{s/ /:/} [lindex [json2dict $json] 17]]; . "[b]$title[b] - $num\n$xkcd\nhttp://goatkcd.com/strips_sfw/${num}.jpg\n$alt"}
|
||
proc lolqdb {{id random}} {if {$id eq "random"} {set nc -nocache} {set nc {};set id [expr $id + 0]};cwget $nc http://lolqdb.buttes.org/rest.php?quote/$id/text}
|
||
proc abgt args {apply {ajoin " "} [map [split [join $args] {}] {char {apply [next_in_list {bgt {fw bgt}}] $char}}]}
|
||
proc STduck {} {. " ,~~.\n ( 6 )-_,\n (\\___ )=='-'\n \\ . ) )\n \\ `-' /\n~'`~'`~'`~'`~"}
|
||
proc aimoldtest args { aim -n [aimname $args] [oldtest_insult] }
|
||
proc waplugin args { return "There's a winamp plugin that adds $args to all my music"}
|
||
proc treachery {} {caption [ gis pipe ] {Ceci n'est pas une pipe} }
|
||
proc old {} { . "WOW OLD NERD FUUCK U IDIOT THIS IIS 2011 SHIT U FAGGIT WELCUME TO 2012 U FUCKING MAYAN NIGGER RIP" }
|
||
proc gapes_ {{gapes gapes} {n 18}} {eval [string map [list gapes $gapes 18 $n] [last [src gapes]]]}
|
||
proc buttesfort:fort {} { join [lindex_random $::buttesforts] \n }
|
||
proc randart:randart {{w 70} {h 10} {a 20} {t 0}} {
|
||
set canvas [randart:make_canvas $w $h];
|
||
for {set ai 0} { $ai < $a} {incr ai} {
|
||
set randrow [expr int([rand [expr 1.1 * $h]] - $h * .1 /2.0)]
|
||
set randcol [expr int([rand [expr 1.1 * $w]] - $w * .1 /2.0)]
|
||
foreach {pw ph piece} [randart:towharray [randart:randompiece]] {
|
||
for {set row 0} { $row < $ph } {incr row} {
|
||
set pieces [lindex $piece $row]; #list
|
||
set ny [expr $randrow + $row];
|
||
for {set col 0} { $col < $pw } {incr col} {
|
||
set nx [expr $randcol + $col];
|
||
if [randart:inrange $nx $ny $w $h] {
|
||
set c [lindex $pieces $col];
|
||
set loc [expr $w * $ny + $nx];
|
||
if [randart:istrans $c] {
|
||
if $t {
|
||
|
||
} else {
|
||
lset canvas $loc " "
|
||
}
|
||
} elseif {$c == ""} {
|
||
lset canvas $loc " "
|
||
} else {
|
||
lset canvas $loc $c
|
||
};
|
||
};
|
||
};
|
||
};
|
||
};
|
||
};
|
||
randart:serialize $canvas $w $h
|
||
}
|
||
proc pay {} {act "stuffs dollars into Alien's mouth"}
|
||
proc days_since time {expr ([clock seconds] - [clock scan $time]) / 60 / 60 / 24}
|
||
proc virusfile2 {{who {}}} {return "[underscore [choose "[expr {int(rand()*40)+60}]_year_old_" "[expr {int(rand()*22)+1}]_month_old_" "[expr {int(rand()*8)+1}]_week_old_" ]"[celebrity]_[fetish_porn]_[gudrow_word]_[sex_act]_[food_word]_with_[name $who]_[goon_word]_and_[faglame]_[ethnic_group][virusextension]]"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+?)chatcrime$/} {match args} { naughtylist__ [last $match] [bif [second $args] [second $args] 5] }
|
||
proc paz {} {goonsay jerking off in the childrens hospital is a good idea anyway}
|
||
proc virusfile3 {} {return "[underscore [choose "[expr {int(rand()*40)+60}]_year_old_" "[expr {int(rand()*22)+1}]_month_old_" "[expr {int(rand()*8)+1}]_week_old_" ]"[celebrity]_[fetish_porn]_[gudrow_word]_[sex_act]_[food_word]_with_[nicklist]_[goon_word]_and_[faglame]_[ethnic_group][virusextension]]"}
|
||
proc tcljre {} {return "<@jre> tcl [goon_word]\n<@jre> tcl [goon_word]\n<@jre> tcl [goon_word] \[[56k_word]\]\n<@jre> tcl [goon_word]\n<@jre> tcl [goon_word]"}
|
||
proc pbr {{crapbeer heineken} {greatbeer {PABST BLUE RIBBON}}} {string toupper "$crapbeer??!! fuck that shit! $greatbeer!!"}
|
||
proc oh_my {} { return "http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/0815083mugs6.jpg"}
|
||
proc uunknown args {set cmd [lindex $args 0]; if [regexp {s\?$} $cmd] {count_nicks $cmd} elseif [regexp {^(.)(_+)\1$} $cmd {} a b] {return $a${b}_$a} elseif {[llength [set match [info commands $cmd*]]] == 1} {uplevel 0 [concat $match [lrange $args 1 end]]} else {error "$cmd licks from the shaft to the dome of the dick"}}
|
||
proc okey_rave {} { set a \\; return " OKEY RAVE PARTY\n[mega { join [split [smega {choose " [glowstick] " ·o. .o· " [glowstick] " }] \n ]} ]"; }
|
||
proc STsun {} { return " \\ _|_ / \n ~ /_ _\\ ~ \n _ | o.o | _ \n , \\_=_/ , \n / . \\ ";}
|
||
proc alyssa {} {return "Abez's sister is fucking hot"}
|
||
proc rage {{who {}}} {return "[name $who]: Hi! You appear to be raging and hulkin' on IRC. Would you like to: \[Suppress your Anger\] \[Emoquit IRC Forever\] \[Live in Denial\] \[Blog to your Pals\] \[Switch to MSN\] \[Ban VXP\] \[Quit Caring\] \[Eat Blogzap\] \[Die\] \[Commit suicide because nobody cares\]";}
|
||
proc nethack:trcorner {} { return \342\224\220 }
|
||
proc manhattan_avenue {} {lindex_random {1st 2nd 3rd Lexington Park Madison 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th 11th}}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/swingler/ args {error "cat-like typing detected"}
|
||
proc num {a args} { regsub "^.aim" [eval $args] ".aim:$a" }
|
||
proc aimname {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} {return [rand_aim]} {return [stripcolon $name]}}
|
||
proc clothing {} {lindex_random $::clothing}
|
||
proc topping {} {lindex_random $::toppings}
|
||
proc nopyc {} {. http://i.conio.net/nopyc.wav#.mp3}
|
||
proc magick_center_rotate-gen {img rl} { return "(let ((i [scheme_image_or_sexpr $img]) (w (width i)) (h (height i)) (mi (if (> w h) w h)) (m (* mi 1.42)) (t (image [magick_id http://churchturing.org/x/trans100x100.png])) (r (rotate i $rl))) (composite (resize t m m) r (/ (- m (width r)) 2) (/ (- m (height r)) 2)))"}
|
||
proc {$proc__deaut} {} {}
|
||
proc brapt args {apply berp $args}
|
||
proc stampsay args {set i -1;set f 0;set s [string range [?? [info procs ST*]] 2 end];set o [?? {l r}];foreach a $args {incr i;if {$s eq "_"} {set s $a;continue};if {$a eq "--"} {incr i;break};switch -glob -- $a {-f* {set f 1} -l* {set o l} -r* {set o r} -s* {set s _} default break}};set u [wrap [join [lrange $args $i end]] 45];set t [eval ST$s];if $f {set t [flip $t]};if {$o eq "r"} {ajoin " " $u "\n\\ " $t} {ajoin " " $t "\n/ " $u}}
|
||
proc rickroll {} {upper [subst [next_in_list $::rrl]]}
|
||
proc waffleimages {} {if [catch waffleimages_get result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_waffleimages]}; cache_list cached_waffleimages $result}
|
||
proc omg {} {return " __\n /..\\\n \\_O/"}
|
||
proc diagnosis2 {} {subst [?? $::diagnosis_dict]}
|
||
proc relative {} {lindex_random $::relatives}
|
||
proc omh {} {oyh [nick]}
|
||
proc atodd {{name {}}} {string map {"computer" "ATM" "lump u out" "carve u up" "fronted on me" "support McCain-Palin 08"} [lump $name]}
|
||
proc chocolaterain {} {chocolate "Chocolate Rain!\n[ctrlv] [chocolaterainlyric]\nChocolate Rain!\n[ctrlv] [chocolaterainlyric]" }
|
||
proc verb_fill str {set out $str; map [verb_scrape $out] {x {set out [regsub "!$x" $out [string totitle [verb $x]]]}}; . $out }
|
||
proc terrorist_fist_bump {} brofist
|
||
proc lrain list {map1 $list {strcat [gay]}}
|
||
proc fosters args {. "FOSTERS\: Australian for $args"}
|
||
proc aimf_facebook args {aimify facebook $args}
|
||
proc antidrug {} {. [drug] is my antidrug}
|
||
proc ffya {} {. [bgt "FAGS FOR YOU ALL"]}
|
||
proc pubhacked {} {publish [set ret [list]; foreach line $::aimhax {lappend ret [subst $line]}; join $ret \n]}
|
||
proc master_score {i a b c d} { master_match_print $i $a $b $c $d [master_match $i $a $b $c $d]; }
|
||
proc asians {} {}
|
||
proc ssscheissegern {} {bgc 04 13 fuck\\me\\ raw}
|
||
proc smugsay args {urlsay http://i.buttes.org/http://gangusinternet.mirror.waffleimages.com/files/3a/3aacf51766a3b5aa6a1d7026b2d13bd85d80e2ff.gif [join $args]}
|
||
proc achievement args {. http://achievements.schrankmonster.de/Achievement.aspx?text=[urlencode [join $args]]#.jpg\nhttp://centracomm.cachefly.net/majornelson/2007/Achievement-mp3-sound.mp3}
|
||
proc pee {} {return "o .--.\n+/ . I LIKE TO PEE\n/\ : INTO THE SEA\n | :\n/(_/(_/(_/(_/(_/(_/(_/(_/(_by egg"}
|
||
proc p_a_c {} {sunglass [stampsay -s fullcsammis [p_a]]}
|
||
proc mac_flag {} {string map {MILLS { } {TWO AMERICAS } { } { } { }} [edwards_flag]}
|
||
proc reshxed {} { bgbt pizazz!!!}
|
||
proc chirpz_word {} { subst [lindex_random $::chirpz_word] }
|
||
proc dec2hex {dl {sep {}}} {. $sep[m $dl {x {format %.2x $x}} $sep]}
|
||
proc rb_i {} {rpick "✮ ❖ ♣ ♥ ♦ ♠ ☻ ☼ ◆"}
|
||
proc gender {} {lindex_random $::gender}
|
||
proc afedsnightout {} { return "[sex_act] a [alliterate $::faglame_dict $::sexparts]"}
|
||
proc al_insult2 {} {while {!$boners} {set dicks [al_man_word]; set boners [lindex_random [lfilter [string index dicks 0]* $al_hat_dict]];}}
|
||
proc xyzzy {} {return "party at necco's house"}
|
||
proc wfml {} weird_fml
|
||
proc buttespatch {{n 20}} {aflip [randart $n $n $n]}
|
||
proc chinsay fart {return [ajoin " " \n[chins [rand 6]] \n/ [wrap $fart 50]]}
|
||
proc machines {} {. I AM COMPUTER MACHINES}
|
||
proc japgirlmonitor-gen url {. (let ((im (image [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url 0 0 225 190])) (bg (image http://churchturing.org/x/japgirlmonitor.png)) ) (composite (composite bg im 325 100) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc _count {} {set list {};set var "";foreach var {a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z} {lappend list [info proc $var*];};return [llength [lindex list 0]];}
|
||
proc dodeca {cmd args} {smega "$cmd $args" 12}
|
||
proc overlay_first {f e} {
|
||
set r [list]
|
||
set l [split $f \n]
|
||
set a [split $e \n]
|
||
for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $l]} {incr i} {
|
||
set w [lindex $a $i]
|
||
foreach {m s} [regexp -inline -indices -- {( +)} [cstrip $w]] {
|
||
set x [lindex $s 0]
|
||
set y [lindex $s 1]
|
||
set w [creplace $w $x $y [crange [lindex $l $i] $x $y]]
|
||
}
|
||
lappend r $w
|
||
}
|
||
join $r \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc moiglet {} {figlet [choose rude crass gross sick huh WHAT w/e]}
|
||
proc rb_o {} {rpick "█ ░ ▒ ▓"}
|
||
proc angstm {{user {}}} {return "/\\ b /\\\n\\ o-o / The Angstmonster\n |V-V| Will get you\n | # | [name $user]\n^^^^^^^"}
|
||
proc ono {} {string toupper "[odin] [niggers] [odin]"}
|
||
proc nwo args {set str [join $args]; if {$str eq ""} {set what [nwo_word]} {set what $str}; return "Today on the Alex Jones Show: $what exposed!"}
|
||
proc hectagenda {} { catagenda HECTING }
|
||
proc captain_goatse2 {} {return "<@captain_goatse> [whittle "[grouphug] [island] [random_word]" 2]"}
|
||
proc who_level {} {set html [http://www.who.int/csr/disease/avian_influenza/phase/en/index.html]; set level [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {pandemic alert is (.*?)</B>} $html] 1]]]; return "The current WHO phase of pandemic alert is $level."}
|
||
proc secretsanta {} {. [color [next_in_list {red green}]] $::santa_deadbeats [bold] REGISTER -> http://tinyurl.com/onebutansanta}
|
||
proc use_flag {} {pick 1 {return "-[lindex_random $::use_flags]"} 1 {return "+[lindex_random $::use_flags]"}}
|
||
proc wfmu {} { html [strip_html [http://wfmu.org/currentliveshows.php?xml=1]] }
|
||
proc random_racistname {} { ?? [oddlist $::racism_tuples] }
|
||
proc niggerword {} {lindex_random $::niggerwords}
|
||
proc emowinkie args {. [duration [expr [clock seconds] - [clock scan "2016-4-19 8:59:00 UTC"]]] since Wexit}
|
||
proc raim args {if {$args eq ""} { set args "gbs"}; eval "lindex_random \$::${args}_aim_dict"}
|
||
proc pet {} {return "murrr"}
|
||
proc nigamid {} {pyramid " nig "}
|
||
proc rain args {. [regsub -all {(\{|\})} [join [lrain [lines $args]] "\n"] {}]}
|
||
proc graph nlist { set bottom [biggest $nlist]; cinit graph [expr [llength $nlist]*3] $bottom; set c 0; for {set x 0} {$c < [llength $nlist]} {incr x 2} {set num [lindex $nlist $c]; cline graph $x 0 $x $num; incr c}; vflip [cwipe graph 1] }
|
||
proc bats_diary {} canadaOD
|
||
proc big_white_mills {} {. "[color red on white] MILLS MILLS MILLS MILLS MILLS "}
|
||
proc dopegame {} { set ::dope [rand 0 9]; . gMO STrtod }
|
||
proc tv:next args {set h [regexp -inline {(Next Episode.+?\n)RFC3339@(.+?[-+]\d+):} [tv $args]]; if {[last $h] ne ""} {. [lindex $h 1][wolfram "[last $h]UTC"]} else {. no next episode listed}}
|
||
proc testing_testing {} {return "hihhihihihih"}
|
||
proc grouphugs {} {map [every_n_from 2 1 [regexp -all -inline {<div class="content">\s*<p>([^<]+)</p>} [http://beta.grouphug.us/random]]] [& html]}
|
||
proc ethnic_cleansing_verb {} {lindex_random $::ethnic_cleansing_dict}
|
||
proc vthread {} {last [regexp -inline {res\/(.+?)\.} [wget "http://zip.4chan.org/v/"]]}
|
||
proc wget {url {headers {}} {html {}}} { set ok [last [http get $url]]; if {$html != ""} {set ok [unescape_html_entities $ok]}; return $ok }
|
||
proc moiradoom url {magick_overlay [moiravision $url] http://magick.buttes.org/temp/dd5717bd0b7406d51c42b8a655a2ef12.png}
|
||
proc getadj letter {string map {, "" . ""} [flatten [loffset [regexp -all -inline {<p>\n(.+?)\n</p>} [http://adjectivesthatstart.com/with-$letter/]] 1 2]]}
|
||
proc superrandom {} {return [string map {_dict _word} [dictout]]}
|
||
proc srsagenda {{n 5}} { set starttime [+ [rand 6] 9]; return "SRS AGENDA:\n[join [mapx [szip [seq $starttime [+ [- $n 1] $starttime]] [getnuniq $n srsagenda:event]] x {ajoin " " " " [gayagenda:time [car $x]] ":" [wrap [upper [cadr $x]] 30]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc smoek2 {{length 0}} {let {length {. sm[join [repeat $length {?? {o 0}}] {}]ek}} [if {$length == 0} {rand 15 40} {set length}]}
|
||
proc randomgarfieldpluswtc {} {while 1 {set t [expr {int(rand()*978264705)+267062400}]; if [clock format $t -format "%w"] break}; garfieldpluswtc [clock format $t -format "%Y"] [clock format $t -format "%m"] [clock format $t -format "%d"]}
|
||
proc nza {} {. "<nza> i need a new laptop, clothes and a plane ticket\n<nza> nza c/o Main Library, 100 Larkin St., Behind the Hot Water Pipes, San Francisco, CA 94102"}
|
||
proc toproper s {return [string toupper [string index $s 0]][string tolower [string range $s 1 end]]}
|
||
proc wget_encode str {
|
||
;# encode the characters that [http get] disallows
|
||
set chars [list]
|
||
set seenq 0
|
||
foreach char [split $str {}] {
|
||
if { $char == "?" && !$seenq } {
|
||
lappend chars $char
|
||
set seenq 1
|
||
} elseif [regexp -nocase {[ \[\]\?]} $char] {
|
||
lappend chars %[format %02X [scan $char %c]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend chars $char
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
join $chars {}
|
||
}
|
||
proc q_d args {quiet_drudge $args}
|
||
proc phd {{n abez}} { . <$n> I saw a homeless guy on the street and i went up to him and yelled "I'M A FUCKING PHD... YEEEAHH!" while cocking both my finger guns at him and jerking my head back with a laugh. Damn it feels good to be alive.}
|
||
proc decode str {set ret [list]; foreach line [split $str {}] {scan $line %c val; incr val -59; set line ""; for {set i 0} {$i < 5} {incr i} {append line [expr {[bitset val $i]? "*" : " "}]}; lappend ret $line}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc mirror_top url {set dims [get_image_size $url]; set x [lindex $dims 0]; set y [lindex $dims 1]; set half [magick_id [magick crop $url 0 0 $x [expr $y/2]]]; set flip [magick_id [magick flip $half]]; magick composite $url $flip 0 [expr $y/2]}
|
||
proc dotmap url { set c [dots $url]; set w [second [2dsize $c]]; set a [string map {@ {#} O {#} o {#} . {#}} [jpeg $url $w]]; set b [explode [join [nlsplit $c] {}]]; map $b {x { set a [regsub {#} $a $x] }}; return [regsub -all {\x03(\d+),(\d+)} $a "\x03\\2"] }
|
||
proc slotmachine {{n 3}} {eval "ajoin { } [string repeat {[rSTAMP] } $n]"}
|
||
proc shaniqua_ddos_exploit {} {return [gudrize "HEY [upper [nick]] TRIED TO KILL ME"]}
|
||
proc buttescrime {{fag {}}} {set fag [name $fag]; set krag [apply [?? {crw_word gay_word}] {}]; return "$fag does not entail $krag; $fag IS $krag."}
|
||
proc mohammed args {if {$args eq ""} {set args [/^islam(_\\d)?$/]}; ajoin " " [STmohammed] \n\n\n\n\n[wrap [string toupper [join $args]] 12]}
|
||
proc marriage {} {return "([newsservice]) [upper [arabland]] - Feminist organizations across the world rise in protest as [newscompany] reports on the arranged marriage between a [lindex_random [seq 5 13]] year old girl and her [lindex_random [seq 30 50]] years older [relative], [muslimtitle] [muslimname]."}
|
||
proc encwgt args {set k [split [bgt $args] \n]; join [lreplace $k 1 1 [lindex $k 1]] \n}
|
||
proc slot_pull_info value {return "[nick]\nhas\nwon\n\002[slot_format $value]\002!!!"}
|
||
proc samcoffee {} {. <sam> just made a delicious [?? $::espresso_drink]}
|
||
proc poopdeviation {{nick {}}} {if {$nick eq ""} {set nick [nick]};set ret [list];foreach a $::poophistory($nick) b [lreplace $::poophistory($nick) 0 0] {if {$b ne ""} {lappend ret [expr $b - $a]}};return [stdev $ret]}
|
||
proc lrand a { lindex_random $a }
|
||
proc boldify str { return [bold $str][bold] }
|
||
proc string'reverse str {join [lreverse [split $str {}]] {}}
|
||
proc ops {} {. [lindex_random $::opers]}
|
||
proc serialkiller {} {return [choose [serialkiller1] [serialkiller2] [serialkiller3] [serialkiller4]]}
|
||
proc bacon {} {return "[bold][color red](( (( ((\n[bold][color red])) )) ))\n[bold][color red](( (( ((\n[bold][color red])) )) ))\n[bold][color red](( (( (("}
|
||
proc chinkerize args {string map $::chinkmap [join $args]}
|
||
proc fedbanner {} { return {
|
||
UNAUTHORISED ACCESS TO THIS SYSTEM IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED
|
||
|
||
All data and information held on or in or generated by this
|
||
system is proprietary and confidential. Any unauthorised
|
||
access to, or use or disclosure of, such information is
|
||
strictly prohibited, and may result in legal action against
|
||
you, including but not limited to criminal or civil
|
||
prosecution, to the full extent permitted by applicable
|
||
law.
|
||
|
||
All use of this system is subject to monitoring, retention
|
||
and disclosure to the extent permitted or required by
|
||
applicable law without further notice to you, and accessing
|
||
the system constitutes your consent to such monitoring,
|
||
retention and disclosure.
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc pie {} {c3 who wants pie?}
|
||
proc hepood {name {type {}}} {set ret [poop $name]; recordpoop $name $type; return $ret}
|
||
proc ubuntu_version {} {set rlsname [animal]; set first [string index $rlsname 0]; return "[string totitle [word ^$first\[a-z\]*\[yd\]$]] [string totitle $rlsname]"}
|
||
proc php {} {. php\namespace\tragedy}
|
||
proc acroret {{c {}} {i {}}} {set c [lindex_random [acrofind $c]];if {$i eq ""} {acroret $c [expr int(rand()*[llength $::acronym($c)])]} {return "[string toupper $c]: [regsub -all "(^| )(\[A-Z])" [capitalize [lindex $::acronym($c) $i]] "\\1\\2"]"}}
|
||
proc verb2 {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs *_verb]]}
|
||
proc mccain_geography1 {} { . \"It's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the [country_name]/[country_name] border.\" -- John McCain, July 21}
|
||
proc bj_deal {} { if {[llength [blackjack_get_player dealer]]>0} { return "Already dealt!"; } else { return "[blackjack_deal] [ajoin " " [bj_hand] [bj_dhand]]";};}
|
||
proc okey_acts {} {lindex_random $::okey_acts}
|
||
proc mccain_geography2 {} { . \"I was concerned about a couple of steps that the Russian government took in the last several days. One was reducing the energy supplies to [dead_country].\" -- John McCain, July 14}
|
||
proc track_dhl ul {. [string toupper [list [randacro DHL]]]}
|
||
proc toilets {{oi {}}} {if {$oi eq ""} {set oi "gudrow"}; return "someone let $oi near the toilet"}
|
||
proc self-fml {} { apply image-fml [gisfml] }
|
||
proc percentage p {join [map [lrange [list 5 4 8 7 9 3] 0 [expr ${p} / 16]] {n {. "\003${n},${n}[string repeat " " 8]]\003"}}] {}}
|
||
proc break_shaniqua {} {. \1DCC\1}
|
||
proc pizza_gen {{n 5}} { set a [shuf $::piza_toppings]; m [seq 1 $n] {x { next_in_list $a }} \n }
|
||
proc lowtax {{n 2}} {goonsay [join [ lindex [@lowtax#[expr $n+1]] $n]]}
|
||
proc tracer%calls_init proc {array set ::tracer_${proc} {}}
|
||
proc myhum {} {regexp -line {Humidity: ([0-9]+%)} [myw] rh; . $rh}
|
||
proc ＋gis args { +gis goat kid }
|
||
proc hammertime {} { return "hammer: Your polynomial is 6x^2 - 13x - [rand 16]" }
|
||
proc freeweev {} {apply [?? {wet rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize underscoreize gayflagify grapefruitize {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {FREE WEEV}}
|
||
proc wohaaahah {{x 50}} {join [map [seq 1 $x] {x {. [^C][gay],[gay]▄}}] ""}
|
||
proc trevor {} {. "<swingler> i need to go get my [string map {"his " "" "the " ""} [swingler_word]] and [string map {"his " "" "the " ""} [swingler_word]] but Trevor is [?? $::cat_dict]"}
|
||
proc blackbaby args {. \$[expr [rand 49]+1] says $args gives birth to a black baby."}
|
||
proc rand {ceil args} {if [llength $args] {set floor $ceil; set ceil [first $args]} {set floor 0}; expr {int(rand()*($ceil-$floor)+$floor)}}
|
||
proc free_jb {} {caption [gis scarf] [jacksonbrown]}
|
||
proc strrev str { join [lreverse [nlsplit $str]] \n }
|
||
proc catpoop {} {catback [poop]}
|
||
proc chernobyl {} {return " ___ \n/...\\ \n\\_O_/"}
|
||
proc propvote args {. "[wt2 Yes on Prop [expr [rand 19] + 1]]"}
|
||
proc fuckyourrng args {expr int(rand()*56+1)}
|
||
proc fatgamer {} {stampsay -s boger "I can't wait till I see the look on [name]'s face. I just got [gamer_phrase], and upgraded to [gamer_phrase], and my SECRET WEAPON, brand new [gamer_phrase] for [lindex_random $::upgradephrase]. Oh and just picked up some [fastfood] & 2 boxes of [food_word] *FTW*."}
|
||
proc norway nordic {string map {w v W V} [regsub -all {(\wj)o} [regsub -all {(\w)(\w+)} $nordic {\1j\2}] {\1ö}]}
|
||
proc dobernala {} {return "~8< I R DOBERNALA GEEKLORD TERD ON MY HUNNIES THEY HEART THIS! *L*"}
|
||
proc faggot {{args {}}} {return "[name $args] is a faggot"}
|
||
proc pix {who args} {flickrphoto $::flickrid($who) [join $args ,]}
|
||
proc chathard2 {} {smega {string map {"GAY" "CHAT" "BAR" "HARD"} [gaybar]}}
|
||
proc ninjalie args {return "\< ninjalie \> [nick]: will you fatten me up with $args?"}
|
||
proc moreselfpity? {} {samanthaback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]}
|
||
proc chathard3 {} {smega {choose [string map {"GAY" "CHAT" "BAR" "HARD"} [gaybar]] [string map {"GAY" "HARD" "BAR" "CHAT"} [gaybar]]}}
|
||
proc nobody args {return "ODYSSEUS THEY RAPED PENELOPE UR 2 LATE SRY"}
|
||
proc BEL .
|
||
proc blobhorror {} {return " _______ \n /(.) (.)\\ \n (___{^}___) --[horror]"}
|
||
proc warhol_colorize_2 thing {color_box [next_in_list $::warhol_colors] $thing}
|
||
proc housename {} {titleize [s/^\ +// "[pick 1 {. The} 1 {. [?? $::color_names] [pick 4 month 1 {?? "spring summer autumn winter"}]} 3 {}] [random_word] [?? {hall cottages cottage house view end nook lodge villa farm manor}]"]}
|
||
proc vote {poll choice} {if {[lsearch -exact -inline $poll("$poll") $poll] < 0 || [lsearch -exact -inline $polldat("[string map {"," ""} $choice],$i") [regsub {[^@]+@} [hostmask] ""]] > 0} {return}; lappend $polldat([string map {"," ""} $choice],$i) [regsub {[^@]+@} [hostmask] ""]}
|
||
proc vrepeat {str n} { join [map [nlsplit $str] {x {string repeat $x\n $n}} ] "" }
|
||
proc blacks? {} { set i 0;foreach black $::blacks { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $black [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i blacks}
|
||
proc onehug2 {} { lindex [split [grouphug2] "."] 0}
|
||
proc STgoonigger {} {return " [nighair]\n [color white on black](--\[ .\]-\[ .\][color]\n [color white on black](_______[color red on black]O[color white on black]__)[color]"}
|
||
proc fagosaurus {{v {[name] is a fag}}} { embed [STfagosaurus] [subst $v] 30 1}
|
||
proc tfrsay args {ajoin "" [STrevolver] "\n=====" "\n[box [wrap [join $args] 20]]"}
|
||
proc padovan int {return "[expr ($int -2) + ($int - 3)]"}
|
||
proc ‼⁉ {} {. Me and Giuliani Down by the School Yard (A True Story)}
|
||
proc puntime {} {return "puntime more like giant faggot"}
|
||
proc osx args {magick annotate b8b0f7da0c651b2437e4184eba847248 12 141 70 black [wrap [join $args] 50] LucidaGrandeBold.ttf}
|
||
proc nighair {} {return "[choose "/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\" "@@@@@@@@@@" "_@_@_@_@_@" "@|@|@|@|@|" ".........." "##########\n##############\n ############"]"}
|
||
proc depends {name {depth 7}} {set seed [depends_list $name]; set final $seed; for {set i 0} {$i < $depth} {incr i} {map $seed {x {lappend final [depends_list $x]}}; set seed [lsort -unique [flatten $final]]}; depends_check $seed}
|
||
proc dreamhoststatus {} {return "how the fuck should i know, why don't you check http://www.dreamhoststatus.com"}
|
||
proc what {} {proc what what}
|
||
proc rorschach {} {aflip [gaydient 15]}
|
||
proc oui {} {return "OUI OUI OUI"}
|
||
proc killa {} {join [list [bt *yo nigga*] [bgbt macro killa]] \n}
|
||
proc mproc1488 {} {set mypetvar "\x02"; each $::lala {word {. "[uplevel {. "$mypetvar"}]$word$::malcolmtest2013may20"}}}
|
||
proc iraq_flag args {ajoin "" [join $args] ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ كل نفس ذائقة الموت \n ★ふ★ぶ★ كل من عليها فان \n ███████████ DEATH 2 AMERICA! \n}
|
||
proc aejoin args { if {[llength $args] == 1} {""} else {ajoin "" [lindex $args 0] [aejoin [lrange $args 1 end] ] } }
|
||
proc niggerramble oi {return "So [join [subst [lselect_random {[nigger_ramblings]} $oi]] " "] I be all \"[niggerphrase]\""}
|
||
proc missingno {} {. [embed [static 9 20] [7pxby10pxblackbox] 1 1]}
|
||
proc roulette {} {
|
||
if ![cache exists roulette current] {roulette_reload}
|
||
cache put roulette current [cache get roulette hot]
|
||
. [roulette_win]
|
||
}
|
||
proc rape {} {bt2 hopefully rape}
|
||
proc cooking_verb {} {lindex_random {fry nuke broil bake {deep fat fry} toast simmer grill reheat defrost}}
|
||
proc reefer {} {. [img-420] [aud-420]}
|
||
proc elote {} {return "error: object does not exist \"elote\""}
|
||
proc slot_stamp_value stamp_name {string length [string map {\n "" " " ""} [eval $stamp_name]]}
|
||
proc pornamid {} {pyramid " [strip_u [fetish_porn]] "}
|
||
proc lolamid {} {return [pyramid lol\ ]}
|
||
proc msnbc {} {. msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: [?? $::msnbc_subject]}
|
||
proc victim {} {lindex_random $::victim_dict}
|
||
proc linux_ad {} {embed [tail [head 17 [macro tux]]] "[color black][shakti_word].\n[color black][shakti_word].\n[color black][shakti_word].\n[b][color black]LINUX.[b]" 5 5}
|
||
proc CtoF C {set F [expr $C*1.8+32]; . $F}
|
||
proc aimtattle args { aim -n [aimname $args] [tattle] }
|
||
proc seal_ends str {regsub -all "\n" $str "\x03\n"}
|
||
proc ps3 args {. "has no games"}
|
||
proc butteshack:map syms {nethack $syms}
|
||
proc unlist list { string map {\{ "" \} ""} $list }
|
||
proc catpenis {} {. ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS ROCK HARD CAT PENIS}
|
||
proc ceval:gc {} {
|
||
foreach key_and_id [lrange [ceval:keys_with_ids] $::ceval_max_entries end] {
|
||
cache delete ceval [first $key_and_id]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc lastfm:setlasttime {user now} { cache put lastfmlasttime $user $now }
|
||
proc cosinewavetrannies {} {cosinewave [join [map [trannies] {word {. "\00300,[gridse_colour] $word "}}] ""]}
|
||
proc STelton {} { join {{ O _______________ } { /\_ _| | } {_\__`[_______________| } {] [ \, ][ ][ }} \n }
|
||
proc CtoK C { expr $C + 273.15 }
|
||
proc favouritejb {} {return "http://www.jailbaitgallery.com/index.php?id=[lindex_random $::favouritejb]"}
|
||
proc shiiit {} {. http://tinyurl.com/cnmqet#.mp3}
|
||
proc qed {} {return "Oh you're right @_@"}
|
||
proc catdow {} {catback [string map {+ {UP } - {DOWN }} [strip_all [stock .dji]]]}
|
||
proc eurasia {} {return "The War on [string totitle [word {^[a-z].*?(?:or)$}]] is about bringing [word {^[a-z].*?(?:dom)$}] to [country_name] and has nothing to do with [element_word]."}
|
||
proc w/e {} { fishmechsmiley }
|
||
proc aimsaq args { aim -n [aimname $args] [subst [lindex_random $::aimsaq]] }
|
||
proc STnethack {} { return "+---+\n|>..|\n|.@.|\n|f..|\n+---+"; }
|
||
proc arabeque args {string map $::->ar [string tolower [join $args]]}
|
||
proc politicalstance {} {lindex_random $::politicalstance}
|
||
proc checkbox args {let {i {join [zip [lreplace [repeat [llength $args] {. {[ ]}}] $i $i "\[[U+2714]\]"] $args]}} [rand [llength $args]]}
|
||
proc master_inc_stat {i k} {set l [master_get_stat $i]; set k [expr $k - 1]; if {$k<20 && $k>=0} { master_set_stat $i [lreplace $l $k $k [expr [lindex $l $k] + 1]]; } else {};}
|
||
proc lastfm:cached_gsplitHTML {} {regexp -all -inline {<div class="userContainer">.*?</div>.*?</div>} [cwget http://www.last.fm/group/BUTTES/members]}
|
||
proc remove-duplicates l {foreach elt $l {array set a "[list $elt] 1"}; return [array names a]}
|
||
proc random_twowords args {set dict [?? $::dicts_twowords]; ?? [set ::[subst $dict]]}
|
||
proc dancingfontchar a {return $::dancingfont($a)}
|
||
proc rot:iscolor c {
|
||
set C $::rotC;
|
||
if {[string index $c 0]==$C} { return 1; } { return 0;}
|
||
}
|
||
proc poc args {more_php {. $::asciioftheweek}}
|
||
proc stereotype {{nick {}}} {set nick [or $nick [name]]; ajoin " " [choose [STblake] [STgoon]] "You know $nick is a goddamn cliche if they do any of the following:\n[join [map [getnuniq 3 "cliche $nick"] {x {. " • $x"}}] \n]"}
|
||
proc alpha_smallcaps args { alpha_replace IᴀʙᴄᴅᴇꜰɢʜɪᴊᴋʟᴍɴᴏᴩQʀꜱᴛᴜᴠᴡxYᴢ [join $args] }
|
||
proc alternafag {} {return "Of course I'm sarcastic. You'd have to be some Slashdot alternafag to sincerely suggest that."}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/aaron/ {name cmd args} {error "can't rent \"$cmd\": no such lease"}
|
||
proc top_youtube_ids {} {map [regexp -all -inline {<id>http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/videos/([^<]*)</id>} [http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/standardfeeds/most_discussed]] {{x y} {. $y}}}
|
||
proc hugespew {} {. [giga spew]}
|
||
proc go:bottomleft {} { uchar 2517 }
|
||
proc aimmm {n m} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n [string map "[nick] $n" [mm $m]]}
|
||
proc rndtcl_lappend {} {return "lappend [rndtcl_identifier] [rndtcl_expression 1]"}
|
||
proc atotem a { return [ajoin " " \n\n$a\n\n\n$a "" [totem] \n\n\n\n$a\n\n\n$a] }
|
||
proc ppc {} {lindex_random $::ppc_dict}
|
||
proc poop_intervals_filtered {{nick {}}} {set nick [or $nick [nick]]; set ret [list]; foreach x [_poopseconds $nick] {if {($x > [expr [median [_poopseconds $nick]] + 2 * [stdev [_poopseconds $nick]]]) || ($x < [expr [median [_poopseconds $nick]] - 2 * [stdev [_poopseconds $nick]]])} {} {lappend ret $x} };return $ret}
|
||
proc inlist {what list} { lsearch $list $what }
|
||
proc rot:iscoloroff c {
|
||
set C $::rotC;
|
||
if {$c==$C} { return 1; } else { return 0;}
|
||
}
|
||
proc stashedlog {} { cache get irclog stash }
|
||
proc image-samid url {samid_scheme $url}
|
||
proc farkheadline {} {subst [lindex_random $::farklines]}
|
||
proc pop mylist { return [lrange $mylist 1 end] }
|
||
proc cached_sfart {} { set out [lindex_random $::cached_sfart]; if {[rand 6] == 0} { catch { set out [sfart]; lappend ::cached_sfart $out} }; return $out; }
|
||
proc caption_raw {image_url text} {image-rel-border [magick-stack-gen $image_url [latext $text] 30]}
|
||
proc viminfo url { each [map [lrange [regexp -all -inline {<meta itemprop="name" content="(.+?)".+?itemprop="description" content="(.+?)".+?itemprop="duration" content="PT(.+?)S".+?itemprop="description">(.+?)</div>} [wget_follow $url]] 1 end] {{x} {html $x}}] {{name desc dur fulldesc} {return "[^C]01,15 vimeo [^C]01,00 $name ([{s/[A-Z]/:/g} $dur])\n[vprepend [wrap [unescape_html_entities [string range [trim $fulldesc] 0 250]] 80] [^C]00,14]..."}} }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^m?/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/(.*?)$/} {matches cmd args} {apply regexp [join [list [mre_flags [last $matches]] [list -- [lindex $matches end-1] [join $args]] ] { }]}
|
||
proc oyh {{who {}}} {return "JOKE--->\n[omg]\nCONGRADULATION THE JOKE WENT OVER YOUR HEAD [string toupper [name $who]]"}
|
||
proc 3gs_stat {} {join [map $::3gs_track {{track} {. [lindex $track 0] [300~track ups [lindex $track 1]]}}] "\n"}
|
||
proc scheissemid {} {pyramid "jew "}
|
||
proc bugmenot {} {. This site has been barred from the bugmenot system. For example, YouTube. We're fucking worthless faggots.}
|
||
proc magick_face {source_url face_url {index {}}} {xset fwidth fheight [get_image_size $face_url]; xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index]; set width [- $right $left]; set height [/ $width [/ $fwidth ${fheight}.0]]; magick composite $source_url [magick_id [magick resize $face_url $width $height]] $left [- $top [/ [- $height [- $bottom $top]] 2.0]]}
|
||
proc STwtchit {} { return ",___,\n| ||/,.\n| @@@@,.\n| ||,.\\\n| ||"; }
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^%(.*)/ {matches args} {apply [list macro [last $matches]] [lrange $args 1 end]}
|
||
proc rss_example rssfeed { join [map [rss_get $rssfeed] {{x} {. [first $x] - [second $x]}}] \n}
|
||
proc dicksize_n {{who {}}} {set size [rand 50]; set girth [rand 50]; . "\002[name $who]\002\x1f:\x1f [choose B 8 Q : .][regsub -all { } [repeat $size {. "="}] {}][choose > D o O P] \x1f$size cm x $girth cm\x1f"}
|
||
proc winamp {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; set len_min [expr {[rand 16]+1}]; set len_sec [rand 60]; set pos_min [rand $len_min]; set pos_sec [rand 60]; set pos ${pos_min}:[format %02s $pos_sec]; set len ${len_min}:[format %02s $len_sec]; return "\[winamp\] Now Playing: [capitalize $who] - [fr][capitalize [strip_u [fetish_porn]][maybe_in_the_usa]] ($pos/$len, [lindex_random {96 128 160 192 256 384}]k)"}
|
||
proc rate {item rating} {. [stars $rating] [^B]$item}
|
||
proc bigamerica {{hater {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; return [hate [bigtext $hater] America]}
|
||
proc w2d {} {embed [embed [embed [aflip [rainbow [sinewave wnt2die]]] [gfg w2d] 14 7] [. "hahha im going to kill myself hahah"] 11 12] [colorize [strip_color [shrink [ascii weed]]] 3] 16 18}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)amond$/} {matches cmd args} {diamond [last $matches]}
|
||
proc 21st_century_poetry {} { stampsay -s geordigoon "Captain let me recite for you some early 21st century poetry: [mega kanyelyric]" }
|
||
proc chanfm {} {drawtable [subst [wget http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/scripts/lastbutte.pl?u=[join [map [names] {name {. $name [lastfm:namemap $name]}}] ,]]]}
|
||
proc slot_stats_net who {set spent [slot_stats_spent $who]; set earned [slot_stats_earned $who]; expr {$earned-$spent}}
|
||
proc (Tool args {. ur gay }
|
||
proc change args {return "Obama says it's time for change: $args"}
|
||
proc pink_colours {} {next_in_list {13 06}}
|
||
proc lyrics2 args { html [last [regexp -inline {<div class="lyrics".+?>\s*(.+?)</div>} [wget_follow [first [lyrics2:search $args]]]]] }
|
||
proc tcc_thread {} {subst [string map {shsc_word winkz_word shsc_thread tcc_thread} [lindex_random $::shsc_thread_dict]]}
|
||
proc poz {{who {}}} {return "#XD ~G ~R ~I ~D ~S ~+ (:# /\\ POZZING: \[|||100%|||\] COMPLETE /\\ [name $who] has poz!"}
|
||
proc gudroids {} {return [bigtext gudroids]}
|
||
proc dickdad2003 {} {embed [embed [canvas 90 14] [%niggeria] 1 1] [flip [%niggeria]] 48 1}
|
||
proc shaktijew {} {return " /\\ \n\\shakti/\n/shakti\\\n \\/ "}
|
||
proc beautypageant {{oi {}}} {return "[name $oi] won the \"Ms. [string totitle [unplural [ethnic_group]]] International, [expr {[rand 41]+1960}]\" pageant wearing a daring \"off-the-[string map {" " "-"} [body_part]]\" number that years earlier would've resulted in a disqualification."}
|
||
proc defense {} {. NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE NEGROX DEFENSE }
|
||
proc twitter {name {n 3}} { join [map [lrange [twitter_ $name] 0 [- $n 1]] {x { if {[strsame $name [third $x]] == 1} {set c 00} else {set c 03}; twitbox $name $x $c }}] "\n \n" }
|
||
proc softchat {} {rainbow [strip_color [wt2 softchat]]}
|
||
proc teratoma {} {. SELECT [string map {" " _ - _} [tranny_word]] FROM #noisebridge WHERE [fuckword]ing IS TRUE\;}
|
||
proc STcooliegoon {} { join [list { _/\_} { _/ \_} { /____________\ } { (--[ ^]-[ ^]} { (_______O__)}] \n }
|
||
proc pre {args {n 10}} {join [each [lines $args] {l {. [repeat [uplevel {. $n}] {. " "}] $l}}] {}}
|
||
proc master_cheat args sigh2
|
||
proc STlady {} {return " _,,,_\n .' `'.\n / ____ \\\n | .'_ _\\/\n / ) a a|\n / ( > |\n ( ) ._ /\n ) _/-.__.'`\\\n( .-'`-. \\__ )\n `/ `-./ `.\n | \\ \\ \\\n"}
|
||
proc babyomg {} {return "[omg] <ö> IT'S A BOY!"}
|
||
proc broken_wrap_test {str {cols 72}} {set ret [list]; set line ""; foreach word [split $str] {if {[string length "$line"] && [string length "$line $word"] > $cols} {lappend ret [string length "$line $word"]-$line; set line "$word"} {append line " $word"}}; if [string length "$line"] {lappend ret [string length $line]-$line}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc political_flag {} {choose [mccain_flag] [obama_flag] [hillary_flag] [edwards_flag]}
|
||
proc transgoal {} {maingoal [sex_act] [tranny_word]}
|
||
proc crypto_word {} { ?? $::crypto_words }
|
||
proc familyguy_char {} {lindex_random $::familyguy_chardict}
|
||
proc tinfoilpewpew who {return " ___[color red]|[color]_[color blue]|[color]_ [color green]\\[color] [color gray]/##\\\n / __[color red]|[color]_[color blue]|[color]_\" [color green]8=>[color]/..\\[color gray]\\[color green] [color]PEW PEW U NOT DEAD, [string toupper [join [name $who]]]\n/ (( [color red]|[color] [color blue]|[color] [color green]/[color] \\_O/\n`-'"}
|
||
proc r_t {} {set tag [?? [tags]]; . $tag: [de-buttes [img-$tag]]}
|
||
proc I_AM_A_DEAF_FUCK {} {heynot @[twitterceleb] [deafie_phrase]}
|
||
proc annoywill {} {. HEY, WILL}
|
||
proc cockestory {} { subst [?? $::cocke_headlines] }
|
||
proc rad {} {return "[bgbt radeon] [hacker "our uncut nazi"]"}
|
||
proc nicedong {} {. [gis hot twinks] [arcade "nice dong!" pabom 6]}
|
||
proc yourgay {{who {}}} {return "Zap! Your gay, [rainbow [name $who]!]"}
|
||
proc static {{X 20} {Y 20}} {set out {}; for {set y 0} {$y < $Y} {incr y} {for {set x 0} {$x < [expr $X*2]} {incr x} {append out "\x03[expr round(rand()*15)],[format "%0.2d" [expr round(rand()*15)]][rand_ascii_letter]"}; append out "\n"};. $out}
|
||
proc real_news args {set news [actual_news_test];set headlines [map [oddlist $news] {i {bold $i}} ];set links [evens $news];set fuckyoutcl [list];foreach h $headlines l $links {lappend fuckyoutcl $h $l};return [columnize $fuckyoutcl]}
|
||
proc arotate v {arotate90 $v}
|
||
proc chinsamid {} {set ret "" ; set width 45; lappend ret [center " __________ " $width]; lappend ret [center "(--\[ .\]-\[ .\]" $width]; lappend ret [center "( O )" $width] ; foreach i {13 15 17 19 21 23 25 27 29} {lappend ret [center "( [string repeat " " $i])" $width]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc halfjew {} {rainbow [join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [halfdavid]] [nsplit [halfdavid]] [nsplit [halfdavid]]]] \n]}
|
||
proc pornlords {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> I for one welcome our new [strip_s [strip_u [fetish_porn]]] overlords"}
|
||
proc airport_distance {icao1 icao2} {
|
||
format "$icao1-$icao2: %.2f miles" [gc_distance [get_coords $icao1] [get_coords $icao2]]
|
||
}
|
||
proc cry_lk {} {. "｡･ﾟ･(ﾉД`)･ﾟ･｡"}
|
||
proc dprk_slogan {} {?? $::dprk_slogan}
|
||
proc hiewinkie {} { ajoin " winkie !" [hi@winkie] [fu] }
|
||
proc gingers? {} {set i 0; foreach ginger $::gingers {set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $ginger [string tolower [names]]]]] }; c $i gingers}
|
||
proc buttes_weather {} {. [string totitle [weather1]] [weatherword]: [string totitle [weathercondition]] [maybe_measure]}
|
||
proc drunks {} {smega {pick 1 moira 1 r1ch}}
|
||
proc fill {} {return "I want to fill you with my [choose "manhood" "wang" "tiny azn dick" "huge Aryan cock" "giant black cock" "shriveled Norwegian penis" "dick" "dong"]"}
|
||
proc imonit args {return "\< t12\> i'm $args it \n\< t12\> with my mouth"}
|
||
proc captain_goatse {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> what is a peniswrap? is it when a cut guy fucks uncut guy in the foreskin?"}
|
||
proc cum3828 {} {return \n}
|
||
proc gbsaim {{name {}}} {if {$name eq ""} {set name [lindex_random $::gbs_aim_dict]}; return ".a\im $name [gbs]"}
|
||
proc go:map_board_xyhwp {gboard f} {set ol [list]; foreach {w h board} [go:whboard $gboard] { for {set y 0} {$y < $h} {incr y} { set o [list]; set row [lindex $board $y]; for {set x 0} {$x < $w} {incr x} { set xv [lindex $row $x]; lappend o [$f $x $y $h $w $xv]; }; lappend ol $o }; return $ol }}
|
||
proc 3vegan {} {join [repeat 3 rawvegan]}
|
||
proc gamercardfor {{gamertag {Dishonest Man}}} {. http://card.mygamercard.net/nxe/[urlescape $gamertag].png}
|
||
proc ->jp args {->ja $args}
|
||
proc butteshack:allsyms {} {array names ::butteshacksymbols}
|
||
proc rot:arotate90map {} {return {"_" "|" "-" "|" "~" "|" "^" ">" "<" "^" ">" "v" "v" "<" "7" "\\" "/" "\\" "\\" "/" "N" "Z" "Z" "N" "(" "n" ")" "u" "n" ")" "u" "(" ":" \" ";" \" \{ "~" \} "_" \" ":" \" ";" "'" "." "`" "/" "," "\\" "H" "=" "C" " n" "U" "C" "c" "n" "=" "H" "t" "+" "r" "7" "[" "_" "]" "~" "i" "-" "I" "-" "l" "-" "1" "-" "!" "-" "|" "-"} }
|
||
proc gadj letter {set ::adjectives($letter) [getadj $letter]}
|
||
proc christmas {} {. merry christmas}
|
||
proc cosinewave2 {n word} { join [map [seq 1 $n] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * cos(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] $word }}] \n }
|
||
proc rcolourise str {colourise $str [gen_palette $str]}
|
||
proc jamesbondjr {} {. http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/randall/spies/bondjr.jpg [aud-junior]}
|
||
proc chathard {} {wt2 "CHAT HARD"}
|
||
proc rbl {} {return "RANDOM FAKE BUTTES LOG: [rbl_time] [rbl_line]"}
|
||
proc pigiron {{n 5}} {. [nignog $n "I fooled you." "I got pig iron."] I got all pig iron.}
|
||
proc niggerdocks args {wet niggerdicks}
|
||
proc aimf_helpwanted args {aimify helpwanted $args}
|
||
proc whittle {str {amount 3}} {set ret [list]; foreach char [split $str {}] {if {![rand $amount]} {lappend ret $char}}; join $ret {}}
|
||
proc rav args {. "Wanted\:\RAV\nOn charges of [crime] against [tranny_word] and distribution of [rand 10] kilos of [drug_word] $args. \nReward\: \$[expr [rand 20]+1],000"}
|
||
proc onebutan_default_rec {} {?? $::onebutan_rec}
|
||
proc cowsaymoo return {moo ,__,
|
||
\ (oo)____
|
||
(__) )\
|
||
||--|| *}
|
||
proc longpres {} { return "[presentation], although my internet name is [name], and I enjoy [random_word], [crw_word], [name], [zulu_word] and above all: [random_word]! I live in [location_word], vote [political_word] and my favourite pastime is [hate_crime_word]." }
|
||
proc go:game {} { go:render_board [go:current_game] }
|
||
proc lastfm:buttesfm {} {lastfm:lastfm buttes}
|
||
proc edwards2 {} {smega {join [smega {pick 50 {. "[bold]MILLS "} 1 {. "[bold]TWO AMERICAS "}}]}}
|
||
proc yiffs4furs {} { smega {aimyiff [raim furry]}}
|
||
proc raz {} {mega roll 2d12}
|
||
proc boxtext text {string map [list \* [color [rand 15] [rand 15]]|[underline [uchar af]][underline |][color] " " " "] [bigtext2 $text]}
|
||
proc rot:str2tuples str { rot:mktuples [rot:splitperchar $str] }
|
||
proc grammar who {return "$who: Remember that grammar/syntax is important, including spelling function names correctly. Spelling and grammar don't seem to be your forte. I can't imagine you being able to pick up programming languages when your speaking languages are this poorly-understood."}
|
||
proc darren_word {} {lindex_random [concat [darren] $::darren_word]}
|
||
proc rbt args {rev [bt $args]}
|
||
proc image-japgirlmonitor args { japgirlmonitor_scheme [or $args [cdr [randtag]]] }
|
||
proc sodomize nick {act "sodomizes $nick"}
|
||
proc kiwigirl {} {gis [lindex_random {{sheep} {sheared sheep}}]}
|
||
proc 5stamprow {} {eval [concat [list ajoin ""] [mapx [seq 1 10] x {eval 5stamp}]]}
|
||
proc rlogin {{user flashsupport} {passwd cbbcnff2009}} {set parts [regexp -inline {modhash": "(.+?)".+?cookie": "(.+?)"} [http post http://www.reddit.com/api/login/$user/ "rem=1&user=$user&passwd=[rot13 $passwd]&api_type=json"]]; set ::modhash [lindex $parts 1]; set ::rcookie [lindex $parts 2]}
|
||
proc vietfullname {} {return "[capitalize [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]] [capitalize [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]] [capitalize [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]]"}
|
||
proc palin_name {} {capitalize "[word {^Tr[a-z]+$}] [random_word] [choose [choose Van Easton Ski-Doo]\ {}]Palin"}
|
||
proc ironic {} {shitstarter http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/atlasshrugged/atlas-shrugged-movie-who-is-john-galt}
|
||
proc goatsetoss {} {choose "giver" "receiver"}
|
||
proc rcp {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [name]}; return "$fart, Before replying, please ask yourself the following question: Does my reply offer any significant advice or help contribute to the conversation in any fashion?" }
|
||
proc acro args {set a [string tolower [lindex $args 0]];set c [string tolower [lindex $args 1]];if {$a eq "add"} {acro $c [acroadd $c [lrange $args 2 end]]} elseif {$a eq "del"} {acrodel $c [lindex $args 2]} elseif {$a eq "clear"} {acroclear $c} elseif {$a eq "list"} {acrolist $c} {acroret $a}}
|
||
proc goonettepix {{method {}}} {[or $method [choose pt gis]] busty curvy}
|
||
proc less args {global less_data;set n [nick];if {$args eq ""} {set r [lrange $less_data($n) 0 9];array set less_data [list $n [lrange $less_data($n) 10 end]]} {set d [split $args \n];set r [lrange $d 0 9];array set less_data [list $n [lrange $d 10 end]]};join $r \n}
|
||
proc bigmatrix {} {matrix [bigmatix]}
|
||
proc magick_mouth {source_url mouth_url {index {}} {mouthstart 0.2} {hwidthmod 0.9}} {
|
||
xset mouth_width mouth_height [get_image_size $mouth_url];
|
||
xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index];
|
||
set width [- $right $left]; set height [- $bottom $top];
|
||
set rhwidth [expr int($hwidthmod*$width)];
|
||
set rhheight [expr int($mouth_height * $rhwidth/ (1.0*$mouth_width))];
|
||
set rhy [expr int($bottom - ($height * $mouthstart) - $rhheight/2)];
|
||
set rhx [expr int($left - ($mouth_width * $hwidthmod - $mouth_width)/2)];
|
||
magick composite $source_url [magick_id [magick resize $mouth_url $rhwidth $rhheight]] $rhx $rhy;
|
||
}
|
||
proc jizz_into {{who {}}} {return " ( ( .--.\n \\ \\/ . I LIKE TO JIZZ\n /\\ \\ : __ INTO [string toupper [name $who]]'S MOUTH\n / / /_ : /..\\\n (_(___\\ \\O_/ \002by [nick]\002"}
|
||
proc gaga args {giga $args}
|
||
proc ripper_line {} { lindex_random $::ripper }
|
||
proc overheard_in_austin {} {return "Hunter S. Thompson: Don't stop here man, this is bat country!"}
|
||
proc STnegroelf {} { join [list { __ } " / _\\" { / / } {/__\ } {/..\ } {\_O/ } ] \n }
|
||
proc shame_clam args {. under construction}
|
||
proc pad_and_crop {str length} {string range [pad_line $str $length] 0 [- $length 1]}
|
||
proc blackjack_dealer {} { set hand [blackjack_get_player dealer]; set score [blackjack_score_hand $hand]; if [expr $score >= 17] { return "STANDS"; } else { set output [blackjack_hit dealer]; if [blackjack_bust_check dealer] { return "BUSTS"; } else { return "HITS"; }; }; }
|
||
proc collegeaim {} {lindex_random $::collegeaim}
|
||
proc red {} {string toupper "[color red][bold](product)[bold] [crw_word]"}
|
||
proc lgrepi {regex list} {set ret "";foreach a $list {if {[regexp -nocase $regex $a]} {lappend ret $a}};return $ret}
|
||
proc strongblackwoman args {pink [hacker [niggerize [$args]]]}
|
||
proc sex_gerund {} {[sex_act]}
|
||
proc orange {} { return "It is the duty of all free Buttesians to always [insult_verb] orangedrink. It is written: you must [kill_verb] him."}
|
||
proc dump_procs {{end 100} {start 0}} {set procs ""; set proclist [split [info procs] " "]; for {set i $start} {$i < $end} {incr i} {set cur [lindex $proclist $i]; if {[info commands $cur] eq $cur} {append procs "[urlencode [inspect [lindex $proclist $i]]\n\n]"}}; set code [last [http post http://www.heypasteit.com/perm-it "text=$procs&fakesecurity=2453564"]];. "http://heypasteit.com/clip/$code\nhttp://heypasteit.com/download/$code\n"}
|
||
proc STpony {} {set donger ""; set b [expr [rand 10]+1]; for {set i 1} {$i<=$b} {incr i} {append donger "=";}; . " _,_\n ;'._\\\n ';) \\._,\n / /`-'\n~~( )/=$donger=@\n )))\n \\\\\\"}
|
||
proc aimlump {{n {}}} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n [lump $n]}
|
||
proc weightclass {} { . "[choose light welter middle heavy]weight"}
|
||
proc r1ch {{who notR1CH}} {return "([clock format [clock seconds] -format "%H:%M:%S"]) $who: [lindex_random $::r1ch_line]"}
|
||
proc lastfm:track html {lastfm:urlfilter [regsub {^.*_/} [regexp -inline {/music/(?:\+noredirect/)?[^"\/]+/_/[^"]+} $html] {}]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^d(a+ng)$/} {matches cmd args} {. [color yellow on green][^B] [^_]D[last $matches][^_] {}}
|
||
proc STsnoopy {} { join $::snoopy \n }
|
||
proc ultradental {} {string map {"(" "[" ")" "]"} [lisp dental plan]}
|
||
proc sdraw bitmap {join [map $bitmap {line {join [map [split $line {}] {char {if $char {invert " "} {. " "}}}] ""}}] \n}
|
||
proc reddit_circlejerk {} {lindex [rss_headlines http://www.reddit.com/r/circlejerk/.rss] [rand 13]}
|
||
proc tagged? {url tag} {
|
||
set url [normalize_tag_url $url]
|
||
set tag [normalize_tag_name $tag]
|
||
|
||
if ![info exists ::images_tagged($tag)] {
|
||
return 0
|
||
} else {
|
||
expr {[lsearch -exact $::images_tagged($tag) $url] != -1}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc {no niggers} {} {. "HELLO WORLD"}
|
||
proc lgrepr {regex list} {lindex_random [lgrep $regex $list]}
|
||
proc bin2str {binary {sep {}} {endian B}} {join [nsplit [binary format $endian* $binary] 8] $sep}
|
||
proc lfmf {} {set pagecontent [wget [lfmf_uri]]; unescape_html_entities [strip_html [last [regexp -inline {<blockquote>(.*)</blockquote>} $pagecontent]]]}
|
||
proc get_nc_ascii_lib ascii {wget http://dieforirc.com/~pure/a/$ascii}
|
||
proc whoa {} {. <keanu reeves> whoa}
|
||
proc rfg args {fg $args [rpick $::figfonts]}
|
||
proc ipodtouch {} { ajoin "" [omg] [STpoo] [flip [omg]] " I said I wanted an [bold]iPod[bold] touch...\n / " }
|
||
proc wowjustwow {} {join [mapx [split [pyramid "wow just "] \n] l {strcat $l wow}] \n}
|
||
proc failure {} {choose http://greenmeat.blogspot.com/ http://shutuphippie.blogspot.com/ http://fleshtruck.blogspot.com/ http://afattyk.blogspot.com/ http://bigtosmall.blogspot.com/ http://m3jsh.blogspot.com/ }
|
||
proc wolfram_raw args {http get http://api.wolframalpha.com/v2/query?input=[urlescape $args]&format=plaintext&appid=354LXX-RJY64KHLL5;}
|
||
proc point {{name {}}} {. [choose "game set" "point goes to"] [first_true $name [nick]]}
|
||
proc bonerbattle args {if {$args eq ""} { set args "boner battle!" }; ajoin " " [stampsay -l -s rocketcock [join $args]] [oldflip [rocketcock]]}
|
||
proc stoolchart {} {return "[stool1]\n[stool2]"}
|
||
proc lastwords {} {lindex_random $::last_words}
|
||
proc inefficientact str {return "\001ACTION [string map {\n \001\n\001ACTION\ } $str]\001"}
|
||
proc format_log_lines list {mapx $list x {format_log_line $x}}
|
||
proc btc_usd coins {. $[expr [btc_now] * $coins]}
|
||
proc rev args {map [split_on_formatting [lines [join $args]]] {{f t} {. $f[invert $t]}}}
|
||
proc infobox args { m [winfobox [args]] {x {. [^B_][first $x]:[^O] [second $x]}} \n }
|
||
proc gudromg {} {return [negromg]\ [gudrow]}
|
||
proc standtall {{who {}}} {return "[rainbow [name $who]:] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAaQNACwaLw#t=110m38s"}
|
||
proc jewfighter {{name {}}} { . "[jewname] \"[or $name [currency]]-Hoarder\" [jewsurname], fighting out of [choose "Tel Aviv, Israel" "New York, USA"]" }
|
||
proc cleanzaglo {} {join [repeat 10 {join [list "\002\003[gay],[gay]" [map [repeat 5 {format "0%x" [+ 768 [rand 111]]}] {x {uchar $x}}]] [rand_ascii]}] ""}
|
||
proc crange {s b e} {
|
||
set c [csplit $s]
|
||
set r [c_at_n $s $b]
|
||
set e [expr [regsub "end" $e "[llength [lindex $c 0]]-1"]]
|
||
set o [lrange [lindex $c 0] $b $e]
|
||
set p $b
|
||
foreach f [lindex $c 1] {
|
||
if {[lindex $f 0] > $b && [lindex $f 0] <= $e} {
|
||
append r [join [lrange $o [expr $p-$b] [expr [lindex $f 0]-$b-1]] ""]
|
||
append r [lindex $f 1]
|
||
set p [lindex $f 0]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
append r [join [lrange $o [expr $p-$b] [expr $e-$b]] ""]
|
||
return "$r"
|
||
}
|
||
proc albotspew {} {lindex_random $::albotspew_dict}
|
||
proc cockcoin {} {ajoin " " [ncock [expr int($::btc_last/20)]] [string map {BIT COCK COLLAPS SHRINK RALLY GROW} [. "\n\n" [btc]]]}
|
||
proc s_a {} shsc_a
|
||
proc fixproc {{nick {}}} {if {$nick == ""} {set nick [?? {avi a Winkie}]};. "$nick:\n" [wt2 fix proc]}
|
||
proc nibblerdeath {} {[?? {bgbt bt fg wet}] [first [info level 0]]}
|
||
proc AhHaveBeenRobbed {} {. "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVmTtIS6sng&t=8m13s"}
|
||
proc s_d {} {newdrudge [alt_suicide]}
|
||
proc pooify s {gay_pl_color_ify poo_colours "$s"}
|
||
proc resolve url {while {[set location [location $url]] ne $url} {set url $location}; return $url}
|
||
proc lastfm:lastfm group {drawtable2 [map [lastfm:GetListenersHTML $group] {html {list [fixnick [lastfm:namemap [lastfm:user $html]]] [lastfm:artist $html] [lastfm:track $html]}}] {red green violet} [subst -nocommands {[color [next_in_list {orange blue}]][uchar f8ff]}]}
|
||
proc chinkwife {} {fg CHINKWIFE}
|
||
proc debianrand {} {smega {join [smega {pick 50 {. "[bold]NINE "} 1 {. "SEVEN "}}]}}
|
||
proc hijack {} {return " _______\n/ / \\------------------+--.\n| | HI JACK THIS | |~~~~~~~\n\\___\\___/------------------'--'"}
|
||
proc ->po args {error "it's actually 'pl'"}
|
||
proc fish {} {goonsay how much of this do you actual pay for to dictate fuck all to me about what to do?}
|
||
proc mohammedencounter {} { return "[upper [bold]Boss fight: [color blue]Mohammed[color]![bold]] \n[STmohammed]\n [color yellow] 9999HP[color]\n \n[mohammedattack]"}
|
||
proc STkiwi {} {. " .```. _.''..\n ; ``` ``'.\n : d `.\n / >,: \\\n /.' `'., :\n /' ;. . ;\n/ ; \\ ; ; /\n `..;\\: :'\n __|| `...,'\n `-, ) ||\n /.^/ ___||\n '---,_\\\n (/ `\\"}
|
||
proc omgpi {} {join [map [split [embed [embed [embed [circle2 [pi]] [pi] 30 10] [STomgComp2] 30 5] [bt OMG PI @_@] 10 12] \n] {l {. [rain $l]}}] \n}
|
||
proc okey_types {} {lindex_random $::okey_types}
|
||
proc incogagenda:event {} { subst [lindex_random $::incogagenda]}
|
||
proc haskell args {regexp {[a|an|the]\s+\w+|[A-Z]|^$} $args}
|
||
proc CKN {{who {}}} { return " ,==. \n / 66\\ \n \\c o) [name $who] Said\n `) ( What What\n / \\ In The Butt\n __/ \\ \\ \n (( /\\ \\ \\ \n \\\\ \\ `------ \n / / / | | \n (_(___)_| | " }
|
||
proc buttbot {} { return "<buttbot> REPLACING RANDOM PIECES OF TEXT WITH THE WORD 'BUTT' IS THE HEIGHT OF HILARITY AND REQUIRES MONUMENTAL PROGRAMMING SKILL" }
|
||
proc randxycoord {w h {xoff 0} {yoff 0}} {set xpos [?? [seq $xoff [expr $xoff + $w]]]; set ypos [?? [seq $yoff [expr $yoff + $h]]]; list $xpos $ypos}
|
||
proc image-border-gen {url {offset 50}} { return "(let ((bg (image http://churchturing.org/x/white100x100.png))
|
||
(i (image [scheme_escape $url]))
|
||
(iw (width i))
|
||
(ih (height i))
|
||
(offset $offset))
|
||
(composite (resize bg (+ iw offset offset) (+ ih offset offset)) i offset offset))"}
|
||
proc argamid {arg1 arg2} {subst [string map [list $arg1 $arg2] [pyramid "$arg1 "]]}
|
||
proc winfobox2 args { set r [loffsetn [regexp -inline -all $::winfoboxregex [wget http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/[urlencode [join [args] _]]]] 1 3 1]; map $r {x {regsub -all {\[(\d+|citation needed)]} [fixnstrip $x] {}}} }
|
||
proc dicksize {{who {}}} {set size [rand 50]; set girth [rand 50]; . "\002[name $who]\002\x1f:\x1f [choose B 8 Q : .][regsub -all { } [repeat $size {. "="}] {}][choose > D o O P] \x1f$size cm x $girth cm\x1f"}
|
||
proc randart:make_canvas {w h} {
|
||
split [string repeat " " [expr $w * $h] ] ""
|
||
}
|
||
proc talkingdeal {} {return "<[name]> [talking]\n[seinfeld]"}
|
||
proc nethack:lit {} { return \302\267 }
|
||
proc rig {} {return "You buy a kickass rig, and overclock the hell out of it, then you will get kickass graphics. Simple as that."}
|
||
proc goldbstfu {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "[biggoldtext stfu\ $who]"}
|
||
proc puaslam {{what {}}} {if {$what eq ""} {set what [pua_verb]}; . "[upper [kill_verb] those who [insult_verb] [upper $what]]"}
|
||
proc porntag {} {return "[upper [name]] from [channel] - Very YOUNG LOOKING [faglame] gets his tight [upper [sexpart]] POUNDED by [articleize [dndcreature]] !!!"}
|
||
proc negative {} {lindex_random $::negative_dict}
|
||
proc goblin {} {. [subst [?? $::jgirlfirstnames]] [subst [?? $::jgirllastnames]]}
|
||
proc goatse {} {. goatse insurance file password → ashfejyosDacJic& }
|
||
proc fullgoonsay args {stampsay -l -s fullgoon [join $args]}
|
||
proc shitongrog {} { return "obviously" }
|
||
proc sanchez_herpderp args {set out [strip_color [join $args]]; set url [lindex [http post http://cryptosystem.org/projects/twitter/sanchez.cgi twat "@ricksanchezcnn [strip_all $out]"] 2]; . [string map {"\n" ""} "$url @ricksanchezcnn: [twitterize $out]"]}
|
||
proc nospam {} {return "[ajoin " " "" [bgbt no spam]]\n[bgbt in [channel]]"}
|
||
proc twicture statusid {. http://twictur.es/i/$statusid.gif}
|
||
proc sad {} {cx :(}
|
||
proc phpize str {string map {' \\' \" \\\" \\ \\\\ ; \\; ` \\` / \\/} $str}
|
||
proc hitler {} {rcolourise [img2asc http://www.biographyonline.net/military/images/adolf-hitler.jpg]}
|
||
proc urdistance {nick airport} {airport_distance $::myweather($nick) $airport}
|
||
proc aimf_winamp2 args {aimify winamp2 $args}
|
||
proc rip {} {goonsay odpoczywaj w spokoju}
|
||
proc jack_smoked {} {. [format_time [expr ([clock seconds] - [clock scan [@jack_smoked_at]])]] ago}
|
||
proc aimpresentation {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [presentation]}
|
||
proc bobbyflaylatlong {} {return "Boy Meets Grill at 40.753106,-73.95003"}
|
||
proc zenwhens_password {} {return "IT'S THE NAME OF HIS CRAPPY HOARDWARE"}
|
||
proc ystream {width height} { if {$width < 1 || $height < 1 || $height > 20 || $width > 40} {error "GO PEE INTO THE SEA"}; set stream [list]; for {set y 0} {$y < $height} {incr y} {set x [expr {int(sqrt($width*$y))}]; lappend stream [string repeat " " $x].}; join $stream \n}
|
||
proc thanksgiving {} {join [mapx [lines [stampsay -s turkey "Today we give thanks for [fatcookingword]ed [choose [food_word] [disease_word] [penis_word] [dnd_word]], [choose [food_word] [disease_word] [penis_word] [dnd_word]] ala [jewname] con [jewsurname], [80sreference_word], '[act_word]' [drug_word] and [fatcookingword]ed [choose [food_word] [disease_word] [penis_word] [dnd_word]]. Gobble Gobble."]] x {concat [color yellow on black]$x}] \n}
|
||
proc race_whine {} {. Every time I've been attacked in the street, it's been by [ethnic_group]! Explain that!}
|
||
proc youtube_title id {set info [youtube_info $id]; set title [. [^C]01,00You[^C]00,04Tube[^C] [^C]01,00 [unescape_html_entities [first $info]][^C] [^C]14,00\[[clock format [third $info] -format %T -gmt 1]]]; . $title\n[vprepend [string range [wrap [unescape_html_entities [second $info]] [+ 30 [strlen [strip_all $title]]]] 0 300]... [^C]01,15]\nhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=$id}
|
||
proc slot_stats_earned who {if ![info exists ::slot_stats(earned,$who)] {set ::slot_stats(earned,$who) 0}; return $::slot_stats(earned,$who)}
|
||
proc randlang {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] is fluent in [language], [language], [language] and [language]."}
|
||
proc shitchat {} {wt WINKIE}
|
||
proc revert {procname revision} {set procsrc [wget http://shaniqua.buttes.org/shaniqua/plain/procs/[sha1 $procname]?id=$revision]; eval "proc $procname $procsrc"}
|
||
proc sam args { set which [next_in_list {"angry_sam" "happy_sam"}]; return [$which] }
|
||
proc add_sn {dict sn} {set d ::${dict}_aim_dict; if [info exists $d] {if {[lsearch [string tolower [set $d]] [string tolower $sn]] != -1} {error "$sn is already in the $dict dictionary"}}; lappend $d $sn; return "added $sn to the $dict dictionary"}
|
||
proc an_al_insult {} {return "[al_insult]"}
|
||
proc arouseclint {} {disgustsam clint}
|
||
proc flippedomgdude {} { . $::flippedomgdude }
|
||
proc gobragh {} {return "I'll tell you a story of a [oneoff] in the town,\nWhen the [colour] [clothing] went on and the [title]'s [clothing] came down\n'Twas the most [adjective] and least [adjective] thing ever you saw,\nAnd they played the best games played in [string totitle [name]] Go Bragh."}
|
||
proc game {} {lindex_random $::games}
|
||
proc match_end {str end} { set len [string length $str]; set elen [string length $end]; set sub [string range $str [- $len $elen] [- $len 1]]; string equal $sub $end }
|
||
proc great {{what {}} {who {}} {stylez {}}} {string map [list "Comment" "$what"] [lulzup $who 2 $stylez]}
|
||
proc unknown:4:cmd {} { good1 dork }
|
||
proc hugout {{who {}}} {string map {lump hug} [lump $who]}
|
||
proc car_brand {} {?? $::car_brand}
|
||
proc saq {} {return "http://limux.biz/img/saq.jpg"}
|
||
proc mroach_keys {} {. "Is mroach getting the keys to his [?? $::mroach_obsession] soon?"}
|
||
proc kori args {return "[color white on black] I like rice"}
|
||
proc thxfly {{ircnet {}}} {return " __ )\n | | _(_\n | || *<-' THX FOR FLYING [string toupper [ircnet_word $ircnet]]!\n'->- | || |` 9/11 NEVER CONNECT\n"}
|
||
proc poopchute {} {join [list {hi}]}
|
||
proc karamm_stats {} {upvar #0 karastats s;set o [list];foreach n [array names s] {set g [llength $s($n)];set t 0;mapx $s($n) x {set t [expr $t+$x]};lappend o "$n: $g games played with average score of [format "%.2f" [expr $t./$g]]"};join $o \n}
|
||
proc uuencode str {set r {}; binary scan $str c* d; foreach {c1 c2 c3} $d { if {$c1 == {}} {set c1 0}; if {$c2 == {}} {set c2 0}; if {$c3 == {}} {set c3 0}; append r [uuencodec [expr {$c1 >> 2}]]; append r [uuencodec [expr {(($c1 << 4) & 060) | (($c2 >> 4) & 017)}]]; append r [uuencodec [expr {(($c2 << 2) & 074) | (($c3 >> 6) & 003)}]]; append r [uuencodec [expr {($c3 & 077)}]]; }; return $r; }
|
||
proc torrentz pattern {set buf ""; foreach {match url descr} [regexp -all -inline {<a href="(/[a-f0-9]+?)">(.+?)</a>} [cwget http://www.torrentz.com/search?q=$pattern]] { set url [html [strip_html $url]]; set descr [html [strip_html $descr]]; append buf "$descr - http://www.torrentz.com$url\n" }; return $buf;}
|
||
proc sat {} {return "[regsub -all { } [split [rand 1600] {}] {.}]."}
|
||
proc pervert {} {return "[lindex_random $::pervprefix]phile"}
|
||
proc master_gete {i b} { set a [master_get $i]; return [lindex $a $b]; }
|
||
proc string_length_noctrl str {string length [string map [list [^B_] {} [^B] {} [^O] {} [^U] {} [^C] {} {} ] $str]}
|
||
proc ascii2map str { set out [list]; foreach line [split [regsub -all {(^|\n)(\x03)+} $str \n] \n] { set chunks [split $line "\x03"]; set cout [list]; foreach chunk $chunks { set re [regexp -inline $::asciiregex $chunk]; set cout [linsert $cout end [list [dfl [lindex $re 1] -] [dfl [lindex $re 3] -] [lindex $re 4]]] }; set out [linsert $out end $cout]}; ltrim $out }
|
||
proc ricky {{who {}}} {ajoin " " [STricky] [ricky_text $who]}
|
||
proc blogger url {regsub {(http.*/)(s\d+)(/.*)} $url {\1\2-h\3}}
|
||
proc utf8_search_ args {set tmp [list];map [array names ::unicodedescriptivenametable -glob *[uc $args]*] {x {lappend tmp "$::unicodedescriptivenametable($x) - $x\n"}};. [join $tmp]}
|
||
proc wiki args { return [regsub -all {\[(\d+|citation needed)]} [strip_html [last [regexp -inline {<p>(.+?)<div} [wget http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/[urlencode [join [totitle [args]] _]]]]]] {}]}
|
||
proc presentation {} {return "I am [title] [waspname] of [englishtown]"}
|
||
proc aflippedomgbeednaembeddedincosinewave {} {embed [aflip [cosinewave2 15 [color white]<3\~]] [aflip [omgbeedna]] 10 4}
|
||
proc say args {if {$args eq ""} {say octalc0de sucks} {join [mapx [seq 1 5] x {. $args}]}}
|
||
proc gang {} {. [acr [?? $::adjectives(g)]] [acr [?? $::nouns(a)]] of [acr [?? $::adjectives(n)]] [acr [regsub y$ [?? $::nouns(g)] ie]]s}
|
||
proc slur_dit {} {return "[rand_aim] told me you were a [unplural [ethnic_group]] [faglame]?"}
|
||
proc combination_pizza_hut_and_taco_bell {{who {}}} {. [name $who] is at the [next_in_list {{Pizza Hut} {Taco Bell} {Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell}}]}
|
||
proc emailaddress {} {lower [string map {\ .} [random_word]@[random_word][tld]]}
|
||
proc sbr {} saq_beer_review
|
||
proc ncock-nolimit size {if {$size < 0 || $size > 99} {error "COCK SIZE OFF THE CHARTS"}; set s [string repeat " " [expr {$size+1}]]; set glans "$s _\n$s/\\)"; set balls "( Y)\n \"\" "; set shaft {}; for {set i 0} {$i < $size} {incr i} {lappend shaft "[string repeat " " [expr {$size-$i}]]/ /"}; if {$size==0} { return $glans\n$balls;} else { return $glans\n[join $shaft \n]\n$balls }}
|
||
proc deity {} {lindex_random $::deity_dict}
|
||
proc jblake? {} blaketomate
|
||
proc theyre args {error {invalid command name "there"}}
|
||
proc loudfart {} {. You farted pretty loud. Good job! :D}
|
||
proc homebrew {} {ajoin "" [flip [crop [moiracam5] 32 1 11 8]] \n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[STsaq] \n[flip [stream 10 8]] \n[stream 10 4] \n\n\n\n\n[flip [STmoira]]}
|
||
proc gayrainboner size {if ![regexp {\d+} $size] {set size [expr {int(rand()*30)+10}]}; set i 2; set ret ""; foreach j [split "(_(_)[string repeat = $size]D:<" {}] {append ret "[format "%02d,%02d" [expr {int(rand()*12)+1}] [expr {int(rand()*12)+1}] ]$j"}; return "$ret";}
|
||
proc sdd {} {return ".aim:not eaglebtc00 It's a jungle out there; let me be your guide. - Hackers, identify thieves, and advertising agencies lurk in the shadows doing everything they can to steal your personal information. I have a vast array of tools at my disposal to build a strong digital defense against outside attacks."}
|
||
proc image-dick url { magick_overlay $url http://imgur.com/wvoTx.png }
|
||
proc every_n_from {n offset args} {set list [join $args]; set ret [list]; for {set i $offset} {$i < [llength $list]} {incr i $n} {lappend ret [lindex $list $i]}; return $ret}
|
||
proc fail_reason {} {lindex_random $::fail_list}
|
||
proc puny str {~http://givingin.org/unicode/puny/$str}
|
||
proc sco {} { . " SCO OpenServer(TM) Release 5.0.6\n \n (C) Copyright 1976-2005 The SCO Group, Inc. and its suppliers\n All rights reserved.\n \n For complete copyright credits,\n enter \"copyrights\" at the command prompt." }
|
||
proc resetbasetime {} { cache put ourtime time [clickwasec] }
|
||
proc niggertea {} {return [fg NIGGERTEA]}
|
||
proc hardchat args {. "That's some real [hardness_word] chat there $args"}
|
||
proc will {{who {}}} { set who [name $who]; string map {Daring\ Fireball Seth\ Godin} [raruler $who] }
|
||
proc randfeld {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs *feld]]}
|
||
proc penultimate list {lindex $list end-1}
|
||
proc dental plan {return "lisa needs braces"}
|
||
proc lastfm:gsplitHTML group {regexp -all -inline {<div class="userContainer">.*?</div>.*?</div>} [wget http://www.last.fm/group/$group/members]}
|
||
proc jerkomatic {} {?? [map [@jerkomatic#20] {{_} {trim $_}}]}
|
||
proc broken {} {. WHO BROKE PROC?????}
|
||
proc reiserfs {} {return "Tell your friends to use a kernel based on 2.4.18 or later, and especially not a kernel based on 2.4.9, when you use reiserFS. Have fun."}
|
||
proc m0ntspace args { set n [first_true $args [niggerwoman]]; subst "Is this your montspace http://www.montspace.com/$n" }
|
||
proc sed {} { . unterminated substitute in regular expression}
|
||
proc your_procs_name {} { return "[presentation], although my internet name is [name], and I enjoy [random_word], [crw_word], [name], [zulu_word] and above all: [random_word]! I live in [location_word], vote [political_word] and my favourite pastime is [hate_crime_word]." }
|
||
proc gape {} {bt2 gape}
|
||
proc clength s {
|
||
llength [lindex [csplit $s] 0]
|
||
}
|
||
proc yanks {} { set a [string repeat " [COLOR 04 04] [COLOR 04 00]*[COLOR 04 04] [COLOR 04 00] " 5] ; return "$a Yanks ;P $a" }
|
||
proc untag {url tag} {set filtered [lsearch -all -inline -not -exact $::images_tagged($tag) $url]; if {$filtered != {}} { set ::images_tagged($tag) $filtered } { unset ::images_tagged($tag) } }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^srfi[\/_-](.*)/} {matches cmd {index -1}} {. http://api.call-cc.org/doc/srfi-[last $matches]}
|
||
proc hitman {} {return "Can you [ethnic_cleansing_verb] [aquaintance_word], the [faglame] [unplural [ethnic_group]]?"}
|
||
proc foldl {f z xs} {foreach x $xs { set z [{*}$f $z $x] } return $z }
|
||
proc rms {} {. [img-rms]\n[aud-rms]}
|
||
proc celeb_olympics {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[celebrity] of [country] takes the [choose gold silver bronze] medal in [choose "500 meter" "100 meter" Greco-Roman lightweight heavyweight freestyle] [crw_word]!"}
|
||
proc shame_claim args {. under construction}
|
||
proc hyphenize str {regsub -all { } [regsub -all {[^[:alpha:][:digit:] ]+} [string trim [string tolower $str]] {}] -}
|
||
proc go:set {gboard x y color} {go:assertboard $gboard; foreach {w h board} [go:whboard $gboard] { return [go:newboard $w $h [lreplace $board $y $y [lreplace [lindex $board $y] $x $x $color]]]}}
|
||
proc redukt_ {} {strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp "i am an redukt. i ahev a long vhost and i pick ur dox out of the interwabs w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will backdoor into your computer tonight and make a mess of your ip_tables"]}
|
||
proc ihaveabomb args {more_php {mohammedsay [string toupper $args]}}
|
||
proc blogentry {{who {}}} {return "[political_word] pundits such as [name $who] imply that everyone from [country_name] are filthy [ethnic_group]. As someone who is of [blogentry:words1] origin, I find this [size_word]-minded approach to be [blogentry:words2]."}
|
||
proc go:empty {} {uchar 254b }
|
||
proc gapp {{who {}}} {apply [choose panties bra restaurant seamonster kink smokedetector swirc] [list [name $who]]}
|
||
proc seq {a b {inc 1}} {
|
||
if {$a > $b} { set a [K $b [set b $a]]; set rev 1 }
|
||
set rev 0; set ret [list]
|
||
for {set i $a} {$i <= $b} {set i [next $i $inc]} { lappend ret $i }
|
||
if $rev {return [lreverse $ret]}; return $ret
|
||
}
|
||
proc rswastika v {foreach {w h} [maxdims $v] {set n [rot:max 0 [- $w $h]]; set nl [string repeat \n $n]; set ns [string repeat " " $n]; return [ajoin "" [ajoin "" $ns [rotate270 $v]] $nl$v]\n[ajoin "" [rotate180 $v] [rotate90 $v]] }}
|
||
proc /.score {} {return "(Score:[?? [.. 1 6]][?? [map {Insightful Informative Interesting Funny {}} {{x} {if {$x!=""} {return ", $x"}}}]])"}
|
||
proc okeybattle {} { return "[okeyattack]\n \n[okeycounterattack]\n \n[okeyloot]"}
|
||
proc norgedream {} {dickroulettechoosen ßìKKy 5}
|
||
proc niggerfaggot {} {return "[niggername] the [faglame]"}
|
||
proc ufc_attack {} { subst [?? $::ufc_attack] }
|
||
proc hinoop {} {ajoin " " [vflip [cswas]] "\n\n[bt hi noop]" [vflip [cswas]]}
|
||
proc STvxp {} {set {::vxp:STvxp}}
|
||
proc dead_countru {} {?? $::former_countries}
|
||
proc my_mom {foxcock Jungian_psychology} {set steak "[winamp] Now Playing: Jnz - Tomorrow...Drunken Prom Queens Of Pleasure (1:18/4:45, 256k)"; return [jewword $Trevor]; return $I_Can't_Believe_it's_Not_Butter}
|
||
proc algebra {} {return "Hello! My name is Ahmed Al-Sular I am a MATH professor at the national University of IRAN , And as a proud ARAB i must inform you that WE invented MATH! That's right kids! When you learn MATH in school, you learn TERRORISM! IF YOU WANT TO HELP US ARABS DESTROY ANOTHER TRADE CENTER, GO LEARN MATH NOW!!!"}
|
||
proc nethack:simpleroom {rx ry} {set x [- $rx 2]; set y [- $ry 2]; set hw [nethack:hwall]; set vw [nethack:vwall]; return [nethack:tlcorner][string repeat $hw $x][nethack:trcorner]\n[string repeat $vw[string repeat [nethack:lit] $x]$vw\n $y]\n[nethack:blcorner][string repeat $hw $x][nethack:brcorner]}
|
||
proc kitty_touch who{} {return "`*-.\n ) _`-.\n. : `. .\n: _ ' \\\n; *` _. `*-._\n`-.-' `-.\n ; ` `.\n :. . \\ Please don't let\n . . : .-' . [name $who] touch me\n ' `+.; ; ' : *mew*\n : ' | ; ;-.\n ; ' : :`-: _.`* ;\n .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*'\n`*-* `*-* `*-*'"}
|
||
proc r1ch2 {{who notR1CH}} {return "([clock format [clock seconds] -format "%H:%M:%S"]) $who: [whittle [cut]]"}
|
||
proc overheard {} {set one [overheard_people]; set two [overheard_people]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [overheardline]\n$two: [[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug mystic al_insult]]\n$one: [overheardline]\n-- [choose [manhattan_cross_street] [ny_locale]]"}
|
||
proc purr {} {return "murr"}
|
||
proc dead_country {} {?? $::former_countries}
|
||
proc bgbtc args {bgbt [btc_now]}
|
||
proc puntme2 {} {. "[nick]: there are tears streaming from my eyes im laughing so hard"}
|
||
proc puntme3 {} {. "*gets angry*"}
|
||
proc palin_horse {} {string map {PUNTME " PALIN" "CHATZILLA INTO " "JESUS HORSE INTO " BATTLE DEBATE} [chatzilla]}
|
||
proc njpeg args {set n [lindex $args 0];set s [join [lrange $args 1 end]];for {set i 0} {$i<$n} {incr i} {set s [jpeg $s]};return $s}
|
||
proc thosedevfuckers {} {lindex_random $::thosedevfuckers}
|
||
proc puntme4 {} {return "you mean puñtme"}
|
||
proc etruscan {} {return "cat cat kitty cat cat kitty kitty cat cat"}
|
||
proc rypamid str {set ret [list]; foreach i {9 7 5 3 1} {lappend ret [center [string repeat $str $i] [expr {[string length $str]*9}]]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc puntme5 {{who puñtme}} {. "<[name $who]> [hacker [lindex_random $::puntme_phrases]]"}
|
||
proc squirt_jihad {} {. "[upper [squirt_word] [sperm_word]] upon those who [insult_verb] [upper [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc puntme6 {} {sombrerify2 [puntmesay [puntme5]] { ___/(__}}
|
||
proc my_very_own_proc_donottouch {} {. welocem to my proc !!!}
|
||
proc cdown_events {} {array names ::cdown_events}
|
||
proc sgn x {expr {($x>0) - ($x<0)}}
|
||
proc puntme7 {} {each [lines [puntme6]] {l {. "\003[next_in_list $::mexico_colours]$l"}}}
|
||
proc laffo {} {return "[biggaybowtext \*\~LAFFO\~\*]"}
|
||
proc aim_strip proc {regsub {^\.aim [^ ]+ } [$proc] {}}
|
||
proc afed {} {return "[name], let me [fuckword] your face."}
|
||
proc buyers_guide_data {} {set ret [list]; foreach {{} product data} [regexp -all -inline {<table>\n<tr>\n<td class="title">Product</td>\n<td><b>(.*?)</b></td>\n</tr>(.*?)</table>} [cwget http://buyersguide.macrumors.com/]] {set info [list]; foreach {{} key {} value} [regexp -all -inline {<td.*?>(.*?)</td>} $data] {lappend info [string trimright $key :] [strip_html $value]}; lappend ret $product $info}; return $ret}
|
||
proc drowning args { join [map [zip [lines $::paramsand] $args] {{x y} {format $x $y}}] \n }
|
||
proc puntme8 {} {sunglassify [each [lines [box [embed [embed [embed [canvas 75 15] [string map {___/(___ ___ñ___} [STfullpuntme]] 1 2] [each [lines [wrap [p_a] 50]] {l {. [center $l 50]}}] 26 7] $::moira_let 30 1]]] {l {. "\003[next_in_list $::mexico_colours]$l"}}]}
|
||
proc mmaeventintro {} { . "Ladies and gentlemen, the TALE OF THE TAPE tonight, provided to you by [goonjob] - the difference is [string toupper [singlerandomword]ability]!"}
|
||
proc zapanig {{who zapanig}} {. <$who> [?? $::zapanig_dict]}
|
||
proc puntme9 {{who puntme}} {. "[name $who]: Yeah oh my god I am so sorry I am not an ignorant fucking mexican who joined the airforce damn"}
|
||
proc oldflip str { set str2 [addspaces [llength [split $str "\n"]] [strip_all $str]]; return [string map $::flip_pairs [join [map1 [split $str2 \n] {string_reverse}] \n]];}
|
||
proc STsmallkin {} { . " ___/(__\n / Q\\ /Q \\\n| \\/\\/\\ |\n \\_______/"}
|
||
proc cutbackon {{x funding}} {upper "you can't cut back on $x! you will regret this!"}
|
||
proc flag {{args {}}} {return "[bold][color red]The preceding lines have been flagged as offensive chat due to [color orange][string totitle [or [join $args] [[?? {offensive_word dnd_word}]]]][color red]. The lines will be forwarded to network Opers for review."; set lines [collect_lines]; submit_oper $lines}
|
||
proc rr_ {} {set name [rpick [info proc]]; if { [third [inspect $name]] == "" } { . [^B][^_]$name:\n[eval $name] } }
|
||
proc jewsentation {} {return "I am [jewfullname]."}
|
||
proc rot:rotatematrix90 strl {
|
||
set mat [rot:convertstrlist $strl];
|
||
set dims [rot:maxdims $mat];
|
||
set w [lindex $dims 0];
|
||
set h [lindex $dims 1];
|
||
set newline [list];
|
||
set out [list];
|
||
for { set x 0 } { $x < $w} {incr x} {
|
||
for { set y 0 } { $y < $h} {incr y} {
|
||
lappend newline [rot:listxy $mat $x [expr $h - $y - 1] {" " {} 0 0}];
|
||
}
|
||
lappend out $newline;
|
||
set newline [list];
|
||
}
|
||
return $out;
|
||
}
|
||
proc mexicow {} { join {{ ----------------------------------------- } { \ ___/-\___} { \ (zz)\._____.} { (__)\|@@@@@|)\ } { ||,,,,,||} { || ||}} \n }
|
||
proc rps {{choice {}}} {set s [rps_choice]; set choice [or $choice [rps_choice]]; . You throw $choice, Shaniqua throws $s. You [rps_play $choice $s]!}
|
||
proc widen {s w} { join [map [nlsplit $s] {x {. $x[string repeat { } $w]}}] \n }
|
||
proc sic {} {info level 0}
|
||
proc sgu {} {bigtext "SGERN UPDATE:"}
|
||
proc rainfur {} {smega {strcat [gay] [furry_thread]}}
|
||
proc opus_asperger {} {embed [420] [CarBoatPlaneamid] 1 9}
|
||
proc jewname {} {lindex_random $::jewnames}
|
||
proc track_ups_html number {wget http://wwwapps.ups.com/WebTracking/processInputRequest?sort_by=status&tracknums_displayed=1&TypeOfInquiryNumber=T&loc=en_US&InquiryNumber1=${number}&track.x=0&track.y=0}
|
||
proc sid args {string is digit $args}
|
||
proc STpenis2 {} {return " _\n /\\)\n / (\n( )\n \"\"\""}
|
||
proc chandra-gen url {. (let ((im (image [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url 0 0 190 110])) (bg (image http://willstclair.com/img/chandra.png)) ) (composite (composite bg im 230 255) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc crop_to_fit {url {xoff 0} {yoff 0} {w 63} {h 79}} {crop_to_fit_scheme $url $xoff $yoff $w $h}
|
||
proc jewsurname {} {return "[jewname][subst [string repeat {[lindex_random $::jewsurnames]} [expr {int(rand()*3)+1}]]]"}
|
||
proc QuestionUrReality {} {. "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVmTtIS6sng&t=6m34s"}
|
||
proc mc_goon {} {. [upper [pringles] [kanye] [gaybar] [kanye] [pringles] [gaybar] [doctoral] [fuckit]. [pringles]!]}
|
||
proc hatecrime {} { subst [lindex_random $::hatecrimes] }
|
||
proc asian_metrics args {tail 1 [head 2 [wolfram average asian penis]]}
|
||
proc sig {} {. Sent from my [?? $::internet_devices]}
|
||
proc innerfml {{id random}} {regsub -all {^(?:Today,? )(.*)(?:[.?!])("?)(?: FML)$} [fml $id] {\1\2}}
|
||
proc chinkbread {} {~roundtrip [lrange [cornbread] 1 end] zh}
|
||
proc cpchat {} {string map {{| | } CATBUS BUTTES CP} [butteschat]}
|
||
proc tf2 {{victim {}} {killer {}} {weapon {}}} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/www.mzzt.net/tf2/dark/[or $weapon [?? $::tf2_weapon_dict]]/red/[urlencode [or $killer [nick]]]/blue/[urlencode [name $victim]].png}
|
||
proc loltip {} {. [loltipstart]: [choose [loltip01] [loltip02]]}
|
||
proc huge911 {} {draw {00000110000000000000001111001111 00000011100000000000001111001111 11100001111100000000001111001111 01110000111000000000001111001111 01111111111111111111001111001111 01111111111111111111001111001111 01110000111000000000001111001111 11100001111100000000001111001111 00000011100000000000001111001111 00000110000000000000001111001111}}
|
||
proc rectangle {} {return " ___ \n|___|"}
|
||
proc aimf_tensegame args {aimify tensegame $args}
|
||
proc version {} {return "\001VERSION #buttes\001"}
|
||
proc t_s args {twitter_submit $args}
|
||
proc aimvirus args { aim -n [aimname $args] [subst [lindex_random $::virus_phrases]] }
|
||
proc stabbysay args {smugsay args}
|
||
proc infobody {{procname {}}} {if {$procname eq ""} {set procname [lindex_random [info procs]]}; return $procname:\n[info body $procname]}
|
||
proc tag {url args} {
|
||
if ![regexp :// $url] {
|
||
error "usage: tag [color red]url[color] \[tag tag...]"
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
set url [normalize_tag_url $url]
|
||
|
||
foreach tag $args {
|
||
set tag [normalize_tag_name $tag]
|
||
if ![tagged? $url $tag] {
|
||
lappend ::images_tagged($tag) $url
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
tags_for $url
|
||
}
|
||
proc STrickyskull {} { join { { ______ } { .-" "-. } { / \ } { | |} { |, .-. .-. ,|} { | )(_o/ \o_)( |} { |/ /\ \|} { (_ ^^ _)} { \ |""""""| / } { |-\I""""I/-| } { \ / }} \n}
|
||
proc notlast l {lrange $l 0 [- [llength $l] 2]}
|
||
proc loveuser {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> Ever since I started using love-sources, I've seen a noticable increase in the [shakti_word], [shakti_word], and [shakti_word] of my kernels."}
|
||
proc STwtc {} {return "+--++\n| ||\n| ||\n| ||\n| ||"; }
|
||
proc tanwave word {join [map [seq 1 20] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * tan(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] $word }}] \n}
|
||
proc tai {{who {}}} {thinkaboutit $who}
|
||
proc waspfullname {} waspname
|
||
proc urlroulette {} {i.buttes [?? [array names ::urltags]]}
|
||
proc cialis2 str {subst [regsub -all -nocase {\m\w*[il]\w*\M} [escape $str] {[cialis "\0"]}]}
|
||
proc firebird {} {return "garbage\ndoesn't have the tried and tested experience that mysql has\nnothing can stop mysql\nwith innodb tables, it is the best solution"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.*\..*)\?$/} {matches args} {
|
||
set domains [lindex [json2dict [wget_follow https://domainr.com/api/json/search?q=[lindex $matches 1]]] 3];
|
||
|
||
set buffer "";
|
||
foreach dom $domains {
|
||
set domtype [lindex $dom 9];
|
||
set domname [lindex $dom 1];
|
||
if {$domtype eq "available"} {
|
||
append buffer "[bold]$domname[bold] is [color green][bold]available![bold][color]\n"
|
||
} elseif {$domtype eq "taken"} {
|
||
append buffer "[bold]$domname[bold] is [color red]NOT AVAILABLE[color]\n"
|
||
};
|
||
}
|
||
return $buffer;
|
||
}
|
||
proc etsaman nick {return [concat "\\||/ :" [reverse $nick]];}
|
||
proc first_items l {map $l [& car]}
|
||
proc unvxp2 {} { map [lsearch -all -inline -regexp [info proc] {.{100,130}}] {x { if {[string length $x] > 100} { eval "rename $x {}" } }} }
|
||
proc spoilspook {{count 6}} { spoiler [spook $count] }
|
||
proc shoopdawhoop {} {return { . ,
|
||
|
||
. rB
|
||
|
||
. , .X
|
||
.Xi ..,X,i:. .
|
||
:XXXX:iX7XSSS27:,...
|
||
,X7 ;XXXSaaaaS,
|
||
r7; , XX
|
||
;7: MMMMMMMMMX; XX
|
||
rX MMMMMMMMMMMMMM XX
|
||
;l7, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMi X7X
|
||
.;lX SMMMMMMMMMMMMM; 77;
|
||
.;7MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM 7rr
|
||
lr;:MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMS;r
|
||
:l7,MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMii
|
||
,lr.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.,
|
||
ii.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,,
|
||
ii.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;:,
|
||
ii.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMii
|
||
,; ;MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMi:
|
||
,;,. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM;MrX
|
||
.7i: M:::kkl:MMMM X.
|
||
irrr 7i:.,M ,M ;;
|
||
;777 XXli;;M:i;XM X,
|
||
i7rr l7l7;M77X7M, .S
|
||
77Xi 7;. :., S,
|
||
,i7SXX7r; iXX
|
||
,i;jj;;;;;;i:.
|
||
}}
|
||
proc strtop {str n} { join [top [nlsplit $str] $n] \n }
|
||
proc tap {} {me "taps the NIGGA PLEASE sign"}
|
||
proc stashlog {{n 3}} { cache put irclog stash [irclog $n]; return "stashed"}
|
||
proc butancode {} { uchar 2606 3002 2e 3a 2a 3a 309c 2605 309c 27 2a 30fd 28 2312 30fc 2312 29 30ce 3a 2a 27 309c 2605 309c 27 3a 2a 2e 3a 3a 27 309c 2606 3002 }
|
||
proc protip {} {set list [regexp -all -inline {title="(.*?)".*?<url>(.*?)</url>} [300~http://www.apple.com/pro/tips/tips.xml]]; set i [rand [([llength $list]/3)]]; ajoin " " [omg] \n[b][lindex $list [($i*3+1)]]\nhttp://www.apple.com[lindex $list [($i*3+2)]]}
|
||
proc politicallmiot {} {pick 1 {lmoot [thosefuckers]} 1 {lmiot [ourshit]}}
|
||
proc rss url {join [lrange [rss_headlines $url] 0 9] \n}
|
||
proc mi2km miles {expr $miles * 1.609344}
|
||
proc birdflu {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/directory/index.rss?healthTopic=4]]]}
|
||
proc until_haslog min { set l [name]; if [expr [llength [log_for $l]] > $min] { return $l } else { return [until_haslog $min] } }
|
||
proc trace:tree {proc {maxl 3}} {apply {set ttree} [. "\$::ttree_${proc}"]; each $ttree {{cmd l} {if {$l < [uplevel {. $maxl}]} {. "[string repeat {-} [expr $l - 2]]\x1f>\x1f \002$cmd\002"}}}}
|
||
proc access_modifiers_for_inner_classes {Parkinson's_disease the_IRA} {return [bigteef $Ritalin [encwt $combustion]]; set metallurgy [spook [aimname [unknown:1:cmd/^(.)(_+)/] [presentation]] [foodgoon [hypnofit $cow]]]; return [urbanquote $digital_audio]; return $Roswell}
|
||
proc tcc {} {smega {strcat [tcc_thread]}}
|
||
proc latext_escape str {string map {# {\#} {$} {\$} % {\%} & {\&} ~ {\~} _ {\_} ^ {\^} \\ {$\backslash$} \{ {\{} \} {\}} < {$<$} > {$>$}} $str}
|
||
proc strip_tabs str {string map {\x09 {}} $str}
|
||
proc goon_ingredient {} {if {[rand 2] == 1} {set food [lindex_random $::goon_liquidfood]; set qty [lindex_random $::goon_liquidqty]} else {set food [lindex_random $::goon_solidfood]; set qty [lindex_random $::goon_solidqty]}; return "[+ 2 [rand 5]] $qty of $food"}
|
||
proc with {__var__ __block__} {if {[llength $__var__] == 0} {error "must specify a variable name"}; import_level 1; if {[llength $__var__] == 1} {set __val__ [list]} {set __val__ [lindex $__var__ 1]}; set $__var__ $__val__; eval $__block__; set $__var__}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^\%(.+?)$/} {match args} {. [last $match]}
|
||
proc sjw {{nick {}}} {set nick [or $nick [name]];. $nick [join $::sjwfreud]}
|
||
proc tbp args {. The Pirate Bay is: DOWN}
|
||
proc rebootdance {{lyrics {REBOOT REBOOT CHA CHA CHA}}} {set saqs [saqdance]; return "[center $lyrics [string length [lindex [split $saqs \n] 0]]]\n$saqs"}
|
||
proc acrochars chars {mapx $chars char {acrochar $char}}
|
||
proc allbl0re {} {set ret [list]; foreach p [lsort [info procs zybl0re*]] {lappend ret [join [split [regsub -all {<@?[^>]+> } [strip_all [eval $p]] {}] \n]]}; join $ret}
|
||
proc applepride {} {join [list [bgbt APPLE PRIDE] [bgt "WORLD WIDE"]] \n}
|
||
proc exmas args {subst [string map {* {[gay],[gay]*}} [strip_all [bgbt $args]]]}
|
||
proc rdns ip {last [regexp -inline {/dns/(.+?)"} [http://bgp.he.net/ip/$ip]]}
|
||
proc gbt2 {} {ajoin "" "[flip [cubegoon]]" "\n\n[bt "O HI"]" [cubegoon]}
|
||
proc dennisshrine {} {. [img-sparkly-dennis 0]\n[img-dennisshrine]\n[img-sparkly-dennis 2]\n[img-sparkly-dennis 1] }
|
||
proc tcl {cmd args} {apply $cmd $args}
|
||
proc factor_prime {{big_ass_integer 33137}} {. $big_ass_integer = [prime_word] * [prime_word]}
|
||
proc flashsupport {} {giga {subst [?? $::chat_lines]}}
|
||
proc ungape_html str { set out $str; set ok [loffset [regexp -all -inline {&#*(\d+);} $str] 1 2]; map $ok {x { set out [string map "&$x; [dec2str $x] &#$x; [dec2str $x]" $out]}}; return $out }
|
||
proc smd {} {uchar 2510 28 27 ff5e 60 ff1b 29 250c 20 73 20 6d 79 20 64}
|
||
proc slm {} {foreach slm [info procs] {proc $slm {} {. sLm}}}
|
||
proc pua_adjective {} {return [lindex_random $::pua_adjective]}
|
||
proc STgoonLookUp {} {return " __________\n (--\[ '\]-\[ '\]\n (_______O__)"}
|
||
proc morecats? {} {samanthaback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]}
|
||
proc leftomgchair {} { join $::leftomgchair \n }
|
||
proc inspect args {
|
||
set proc [lindex $args 0]
|
||
set procs [info commands [escape_glob $proc]*]
|
||
|
||
if {[llength [info commands [escape_glob $proc]]] == 1} {
|
||
src $proc
|
||
} elseif {[llength $procs] == 0} {
|
||
if [llength [set handler [apply unknown:handler_for $args]]] {
|
||
src [lindex $handler 0]
|
||
} else {
|
||
error "\"$proc\" isn't a procedure"
|
||
}
|
||
} elseif {[llength $procs] == 1} {
|
||
src [first $procs]
|
||
} else {
|
||
error "\"$proc\" is one of [conjoin [lsort $procs] or]"
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc STfgcw {} {embed [chins 2] \# 10 4}
|
||
proc bubble_top str {return [bubble_worker $str " _ "]\n[bubble_worker $str "/ \\ "]}
|
||
proc depends_list name { if {[isproc $name] == 1} { set ok [split [string map {\{ { } \} { } [ { } ] { } \\ { }} [fourth [safesrc $name]]] { }]; set out [list]; foreach item $ok { if {[info proc $item] != ""} {lappend out $item} }; lnull [uniq $out] } }
|
||
proc rand_wordin {} {bgt [random_word]in'}
|
||
proc unix_path {{t 3}} {concat /[join [mapx [seq 1 $t] x {lindex_random $::unix_path_dict}] /]}
|
||
proc longcat {{args {}}} {set one [adjective]; return "[string totitle $one] [name $args] is $one"}
|
||
proc aimlumps args { aim -n [aimname $args] [lumps] }
|
||
proc tdi {} {. "<[?? $::tdi_driver]> I can't wait to test drive a [?? $::vw_tdi_model] TDI and maybe engage in a little [crw_word] with the sales[choose man woman]"}
|
||
proc cornfed {} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/3844/cornyga1.gif Color me kooky, but something very odd is going on around here.}
|
||
proc bthread {} {last [regexp -inline {res\/(.+?)\.} [wget "http://img.4chan.org/b/"]]}
|
||
proc rwb args {set r ""; foreach w $args {append r "[bold][eval color [next_in_list {{white on blue} {blue on white} {red on white}}]] $w "}; . $r}
|
||
proc notepad {} {choose "bush hid the facts" "畢桳栠摩琠敨映捡獴"}
|
||
proc until {pattern procname} { set l [$procname]; if [regexp -nocase $pattern $l] { return $l } else { return [until $pattern $procname] } }
|
||
proc bigmooninite {} {draw {00000000001111000001111000000000 00000000001001100001001000000000 00000000001000101111001000000000 00000111111000111000001000000000 00000100000000000000001000000000 00000100000000000000001000100000 00000110000000000000001000100000 00000010001100000110001000100000 00000010011000000011001011110000 00000010110000000001101001100000 00000010001110001110001001100000 00000010001110001110001101100000 00011110000000000000000111100000 00111100001111111110000111100000 00110100001000000010000100000000 00110100001111111110000100000000 00110100000000000000000100000000 00000100000000000000000100000000 00000100000000000000000100000000 00000111111111111111111100000000 00000000000010101010000000000000 00000000011110101011110000000000 00000000010000101000010000000000 00000000011111101111110000000000 {}}}
|
||
proc snd l {lrange $l 1 end}
|
||
proc smiles {} {lindex_random $::smiles}
|
||
proc randomdccsend {} { return "\1DCC SEND \"[virusfile]\" [rand 2000000000] [rand 1024] [rand 100000]\1"; }
|
||
proc chess:manName man {
|
||
set table {- k king q queen b bishop n knight r rook p pawn}
|
||
set i [l search $table [string tolower $man]]
|
||
lindex $table [incr i]
|
||
}
|
||
proc tee {} {rain "TRANS\nEUROPE\nEXPRESS"}
|
||
proc paste_log n {set itext [irclog $n]; set code [last [http post http://www.heypasteit.com/perm-it "text=$itext&fakesecurity=2453564"]];. "last $n lines of irc: http://www.heypasteit.com/clip/$code"}
|
||
proc kanyelyrics {} {lindex_random $::kanyelyrics}
|
||
proc black_figure {} {lindex_random $::black_figures}
|
||
proc smp {} {. "aenima: " [uchar 2510 28 27 ff5e 60 ff1b 29 250c 20 73 20 6d 79 20 70]}
|
||
proc dutch txt { string map -nocase $::dutch $txt }
|
||
proc teh {} {s/teh/the/g [^]}
|
||
proc left-pad-saas {string len char} {lindex [json2dict [http://api.left-pad.io/?str=$string&len=$len&ch=$char]] 1}
|
||
proc goonettesay {{curves {}}} {if {$curves eq ""} {set curves [fatgoonwebquote "fat woman"]}; return [stampsay -s goonette $curves]}
|
||
proc lottery {} {bwb [rpick $::phonetic [rand 12 8]]}
|
||
proc urmomis {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: your mother is a [appliance_word]"}
|
||
proc thinktank {} {lindex_random $::thinktanks}
|
||
proc niggertoe {} {}
|
||
proc bighate {{hater {}} {hated {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$hated eq ""} {set hated [lindex_random [names]]}; hate [bigtext $hater] $hated}
|
||
proc pornquote args {apply gfp $args}
|
||
proc get_last_url {} { extract_url [lrange [last [lgrep "https?://\[a-zA-Z\]+" [log]]] 3 end]}
|
||
proc 08candidate {} {?? $::08candidate}
|
||
proc aimnazispook args {aim -n [aimname $args] [strip_newlines2 [giga nazispook]]}
|
||
proc alshort {} {return "[al_man_word][al_hat_word]"}
|
||
proc whatcolors {} {for { set i 1 } { $i<=99 } { incr i } { return [color 01 on $i]$i };}
|
||
proc tem args {return "< tem > You know what would go good with this burger? \n< tem > ...a large helping of $args"}
|
||
proc jbake_2 {} {set rand [rand 2]; if {$rand eq 0} {set stamp burger} else {set stamp shake}; stampsay -s $stamp "J BAKE, NO TOMATE. NUGS. FROSTYS."}
|
||
proc image-border {url {offset 50}} { image-border_scheme $url $offset }
|
||
proc fibonacci x {if {$x <= 1} { return $x; }; return [expr [fibonacci [expr $x-1]] + [fibonacci [expr $x-2]]]}
|
||
proc us-radar {} {. [force_image [img-radar]?t=[clock seconds]]}
|
||
proc rainacro {{what {}}} {smega {strcat [gay] [randacro [expr {($what=="")?[regsub -all {[^[:alpha:]]} [lindex_random $::randacro([lindex_random [seq a z]])] {}]:$what}]]}}
|
||
proc cobol {} {stampsay -l -s fullcsammis [s_a]}
|
||
proc nomorecoffee {} {wet YOU PANSY}
|
||
proc ethnic_food_person {} {subst [lindex_random $::ethnic_food_people]}
|
||
proc fightclub {{who {}}} {return "I am [name $who]'s [word {^[a-z].*?(?:ic|ian|esque|an)$}] [body_part]"}
|
||
proc notaimfish {} { join [lrange [split [aimfish] " "] 2 1000] " " }
|
||
proc wheeldecide l {tinyurl [. http://wheeldecide.com/index.php?[join [map [zip [seq 1 [llength $l]] $l] {{x y} {. &c$x=$y}}] ""]]}
|
||
proc lulzscore who {return $::lulzscores($who)}
|
||
proc internet2 {{who {}}} {set who [name $who];. [lump [name $who]]}
|
||
proc uliphrase {} { lindex_random $::uli_quotes }
|
||
proc kebab {{n 7}} {ajoin [regsub -all { / / } [ncockrow $n] {--/ /-}] "\n\n-[rainbow BONER]-[rainbow KEBAB]--"}
|
||
proc spc arga {return "[join [times [expr $arga] { }]]";}
|
||
proc rss_parse_feed_reddit xml {set items [list]; foreach {item body} [regexp -all -inline {<link href="(.*?)" />} $xml] {set content [rss_parse_item $body]; lappend items $body}; return $items}
|
||
proc magickroulette {{x 1}} {http://magick.buttes.org/random.rb?count=$x}
|
||
proc deafie_phrase {} {join [repeat [rand 10] deafie_word]}
|
||
proc mccaineyes {} {. http://img.waffleimages.com/0e2e154b783bbccc8efa4685a5874cbc18e5e383/McCain-FOX_NEWS.gif}
|
||
proc fuck_towelie {} {wget http://www.gnaa.eu/export/5a07fa4ff82c3f4f54d3fc2c605a65fd28c8b603/irc/dcc.txt}
|
||
proc butteschart {} {return "Buttes Stool Chart\nType 1 [buttes_stool_line]\nType 2 [buttes_stool_line]\nType 3 [buttes_stool_line]\nType 4 [buttes_stool_line]\nType 5 [buttes_stool_line]\nType 6 [buttes_stool_line]\nType 7 [buttes_stool_line]"}
|
||
proc youtube_comments videoid {map [regexp -all -inline {<content[^>]+>([^<]*)</content>} [http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/videos/$videoid/comments?safeSearch=none]] {{x y} {. $y}}}
|
||
proc buttesfort {} { ajoin " " [buttesfort:fort] "BUTTES COMPOUND LEVEL [+ 1 [rand 9]]\n-----------------------\n\n[buttesroomlist]" }
|
||
proc homoize args {join [map [split [join $args]] {word {. "[bold][color white on [gridse_colour]] $word [bold]"}}] ""}
|
||
proc emotion {} {lindex_random $::emotions}
|
||
proc atron {} {return " [pick 1 {. "[name]: sup"} 1 {. "oh man"} 1 {. "i'm [pick 1 {. "downloading"} 1 {. "reading"} 1 {. "watching"}] a quite terribly interesting [pick 1 { . "wikipedia article"} 1 { . "documentary"}] on [w_topic]"} 1 {. "brb [food_word] in the oven"} 1 {. "brb"} 1 {. "[name]: i say can you help me with my [pick 1 {. "perl"} 1 {. "php"} 1 {. "C++"}] "} ]"}
|
||
proc jsget url {json2dict [wget $url];}
|
||
proc aimpranks {} { return $::aimpranks }
|
||
proc nours {} {return "no you[pick 1 {concat r} 1 {concat 're} 1 {concat re} 1 {concat r'e}][subst [string repeat {[pick 1 {concat s} 1 {concat 's} 1 {concat '}]} [expr [rand 5]+1]]]"}
|
||
proc down? site {if {$site == "twitter.com"} {after 2000; return "duh, of course it is"} else {set html [unescape_html_entities [wget http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com/${site}]]; string trimleft [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<div id="container">(.*?)<p>} $html] 1]]]}}
|
||
proc word_lmiot {} {args_lmiot [lindex_random [info procs *_word]]}
|
||
proc tomfuck-gen url {. (let ((im (image [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url 0 0 185 185])) (bg (image http://churchturing.org/x/TomFuckSX.png))) (composite (composite bg im 137 143) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc strip_tags args {regsub -all {<[^>]*>} [regsub -all -nocase {<(script|head|style|span|br)[^>]*>} [string map $::html_preescape [join $args]] {}] {}}
|
||
proc populationyuo {{cunt {}}} {return "[name $cunt]: Welcome to [string totitle [string map {" " "" "-" ""} [faglame]]][citysuffix], population: yuo"}
|
||
proc arcadedown {{message {}} {font {}} {size {}}} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/nfggames.com/system/arcade/arcade.php/b-d/bp-0/y-[or $font [?? $::arcade_font]]/z-0/dbl-[or $size 2]/x-[urlencode $message]#.jpg}
|
||
proc checkers {} {return " \n \n \n "}
|
||
proc thegaydar {} {. $::thegaydar}
|
||
proc sellingcrw {} {return "[gudrize "feel [shakti_word] and [shakti_word] without [disorder]. It's more than a [sex_do] but less than a [fuckword] --- It's [crw_word]."]"}
|
||
proc flip str {set str [addspaces [llength [split $str \n]] $str]; set ret [list]; foreach line [split $str \n] {set l ""; set v [set u [empty_formatting]]; foreach {s x} [lreverse [split_on_formatting $line]] {set s [string map $::flip_pairs [string_reverse $s]]; set v $u; set u [parse_formatting $x $u]; append l [unparse_formatting $u $v]$s}; lappend ret $l}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc randomphonenumber {} {return +1[rand 9][rand 8][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9]}
|
||
proc seinlump {} {lump [seinfeld]}
|
||
proc dangamid {} {subst [string map {DANG {[. "[dang][color]"]}} [pyramid "DANG"]]}
|
||
proc tia {} {lol "thanks in advance"}
|
||
proc ansiopt str { set s [ascii2map [regsub -all [^C][^C] $str [^C]]]; join [map $s {x { set lastf {}; set lastb {}; join [map $x {y { if { [first $y] == $lastf && [second $y] == $lastb } { return [last $y] } { set lastf [first $y]; set lastb [second $y]; if {[second $y] == "-" && [first $y] != "-"} {. [^C][first $y][last $y]} elseif {[second $y] != "-" && [first $y] != "-"} {. [^C][first $y],[second $y][last $y] } { return [last $y] } } }}] {} }}] \n }
|
||
proc cgetsize str { set ok [ascii2map $str]; set f 0; map $ok {y { set c 0; map $y {x {incr c [string length [last $x]]}}; if {$c > $f} { set f $c } }}; list $f [ascii_height [trim $str]] }
|
||
proc debian_feature {} {lindex_random $::debian_stable_features}
|
||
proc fantasy {{who {}} {whotoo {}}} {. [choose "[name $who] [sex_act] [name $whotoo]" "[nick] is thinking about [name $who] [sex_act] [name $whotoo]" "[me pictures [name $who] [sex_act] [name $whotoo]]"]}
|
||
proc src proc {set args [list]; foreach arg [info args $proc] {if [info default $proc $arg default] {lappend args [list $arg $default]} {lappend args $arg}}; list proc $proc $args [info body $proc]}
|
||
proc rainboner {size who} {return [rainbow "[angryboner $size] for $who"]}
|
||
proc STdukeku {} {ncock 2}
|
||
proc heilhitler {} {return "[ss]\nHEIL HITLER"}
|
||
proc STbambi {} { subst $::dukekusmess }
|
||
proc nfart {} { niggerize [fart] }
|
||
proc speedlines {{num 5}} {smega speedline_maybe $num}
|
||
proc fmap {l args block} { set acc [list]; foreach $args $l { lappend acc [eval $block] }; return $acc; }
|
||
proc bible420 {} {first [lines [bibleverse [?? $::biblebooks] 4 20 21]]}
|
||
proc japan_resident_gripe {{who {}}} {. "<[default $who [?? $::japan_resident]]> i can't believe the local [japanese_thing] joint has replaced cheap [japanese_thing] day with cheap [japanese_thing] day"}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^ask(.+)/ {match args} {[last $match]back [upper [8ball]]}
|
||
proc qwantzgen proc {qwantz [map [repeat 11 $proc] {{x} {wrap [cstrip $x] 20}}]}
|
||
proc mk_cached proc { lappend ::cached_$proc [$proc]; eval [subst {proc cached_$proc {} {if \[catch $proc result\] {set result \[lindex_random \$::cached_$proc\]}; cache_list cached_$proc \$result}}]}
|
||
proc interlaced_chile {} {set chile [split [chile] \n]; each [split [interlace [chile]] \n] {l {if { [string length "$l"] == 1 } { . [uplevel {next_in_list $chile}]; } else { . $l }}}}
|
||
proc chassid {} {. "BIG GULPS, HUH? ?;^o"}
|
||
proc chomp mylist {return [lrange $mylist 0 end-1]}
|
||
proc violent_act {} {return [lindex_random $::violent_act]}
|
||
proc unsort_next lname {
|
||
set key [sha1 $lname]
|
||
if ![cache exists unsort_next $key] {
|
||
cache put unsort_next $key $lname
|
||
}
|
||
set list [cache get unsort_next $key]
|
||
set sel [next_in_list $list]
|
||
set last [expr [llength $list] - 1]
|
||
if {$sel == [lindex $list $last]} {
|
||
set unsorted [unsort $list]
|
||
cache put unsort_next $key $unsorted
|
||
}
|
||
return $sel
|
||
}
|
||
proc master_col a {return [color [lindex [list fuchsia cyan red lime yellow blue] $a]]$a[color]}
|
||
proc martialart {} { . "[choose "Jew-Jitsu" "Varsity [crw_word]" "[sexpart] Wrestling" "[choose [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]] Karate" "[dndcreature] Kung Fu" "[faglame] Boxing"]"}
|
||
proc mandel {} {
|
||
set out {};
|
||
for {set e 1.1} {$e > -1.2} {set e [expr {$e - .1}]} {
|
||
for {set b -2.0} {$b < 1.0} {set b [expr {$b + 0.04}];
|
||
append out [expr {($b > 1) ? "\n":[format %c $h]}]} {
|
||
for {set r 0; set n 0; set h 127} {[expr {$r*$r+$n*$n}] < 4 && [incr h -1] > 32} {set d $r; set r [expr {$r*$r-$n*$n+$b}];
|
||
set n [expr {2*$d*$n+$e}]} {}
|
||
}
|
||
};
|
||
return $out
|
||
}
|
||
proc urmoms? {} {return "[gay]moira is a filthy drunk"}
|
||
proc ssd {} {return "http://tinyurl.com/ybgb948"}
|
||
proc 80sreference {} 80sreference_word
|
||
proc chess:coords square {
|
||
# translate square name to numeric coords: C5 -> {3 5}
|
||
foreach {c y} [split $square ""] break
|
||
list [lsearch {- A B C D E F G H} $c] $y
|
||
}
|
||
proc to_str string {set result ""; foreach char [split $string {}] {if [regexp {[$\\"\[]} $char] {append result \\$char} elseif [is_unprintable $char] {binary scan [encoding convertto utf-8 $char] H* bytes; append result [regsub -all .. $bytes {\\x\0}]} else {append result $char}}; return "\"$result\""}
|
||
proc advise_moira {{who ConcernedChatter}} {join [concat [repeat 5 {. <moira> [choose "brb [booze_act_word] a [drink]" [moiradrunk]]}] [list "<$who> moira perhaps you should watch your alcohol intake" "<moira> HEY I DNO'T NEED YORU ADVICE ON THE MAINTENNANCE OF MY ANANOTOYMY"]] \n}
|
||
proc buttes_ad {} {embed [tail [head 17 [macro tux]]] "[color black][crw_word].\n[color black][onebutan_word].\n[color black][islam_word].\n[b][color black][channel][b]" 5 5}
|
||
proc faglet args {pink [figlet $args]}
|
||
proc sed2.0 {what with {switch -nocase}} {regsub $switch $what [^[nick]] $with}
|
||
proc blakophant {} {heynot @maddow [mixdup-twat]}
|
||
proc rot:strlistxy {strl x y} { set k [string index [lindex $strl $y] $x]; if {$k==""} { return " ";}; return $k }
|
||
proc nethack:brcorner {} { return \342\224\230 }
|
||
proc megagentoouser {{who {}}} {subst [join [string repeat {[gentoouser] } 5] \n]}
|
||
proc ssh {} {return "@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@\n@ WARNING: REMOTE HOST IDENTIFICATION HAS CHANGED! @\n@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@\nIT IS POSSIBLE THAT SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING NASTY!\nSomeone could be eavesdropping on you right now (man-in-the-middle attack)!\n"}
|
||
proc shaktimid {} {subst [regsub -all {\(} [pyramid (.)] {[gay]&}]}
|
||
proc microsoft_product {{length 10}} {join [map [seq 1 $length] {microsoft_product_word}] " "}
|
||
proc laattig {nickname1 {nickname2 {}}} {set nickname2 [or $nickname2 [nick]]; . $nickname1: [log_bytes_for $nickname1] bytes\n$nickname2: [log_bytes_for $nickname2] bytes}
|
||
proc kill-all-niggers {} {. done!}
|
||
proc mtgox args {wet dead}
|
||
proc jnzsay args {set text [join $args]; if {[rand 25] < 5} {set alternate [string map {" " " "} [strip_color [jnz]]]} else {set alternate [youtube_comment]}; if {$text eq ""} {set text $alternate}; stampsay -s skull $text}
|
||
proc omgfart {} {embed [omgdude] [rainbow FAAARRTTTE] 12 8}
|
||
proc level {} {return "level [lindex_random [seq 1 30]]"}
|
||
proc fonemodel {} { . [subst [?? $::fone_models]] }
|
||
proc shaniqua_ip {} {cwget http://whatismyip.org}
|
||
proc STCrow {} {. " , ,\n (\\____/)\n (_oo_)\n (O)\n __||__ \\)\n \[\]/______\\\[\] /\n / \\______/ \\/\n / /__\\\n (\\ /____\\"}
|
||
proc std {} {lindex_random $::std_dict}
|
||
proc blackgirl {} {set girl [niggerwoman];set salt [lindex_random {ebony black}]; . $girl ($salt): [gis $salt $girl]}
|
||
proc askhector args {magick annotate [img-hector 6] 100 200 300 white [wrap [upper [8ball]] 10]}
|
||
proc STvikingboat {} { return " __4___ \n _ \\ \\ \\ \\ \n<'\\ /_/_/_/ \n ((____!___/)\n \\0\\0\\0\\0\\/ ";}
|
||
proc pastebin {cmd args} {if {[catch [concat $cmd $args] val] == 1} {error $val} {lindex [regexp -inline {<a href="(.*?)">} [http post http://pastebin.com/post.php paste [munge $val] function new .submit {Create paste}]] 1}}
|
||
proc sonic3 {} {embed [embed [ajoin "" [STsonic] [string repeat { } 30] [flip [STsonic]]] [join [map [map [split [wrap [sonic] 30] \n] {l {. [center $l 50]}}] {s {. "\x0f\002$s\x0f"}}] \n] 30 10] [join [map [split [bt WORDZ OF WiSDOM] \n] {l {. "\x0f$l\x0f"}}] \n] 10 25}
|
||
proc cigarete_ash {} {draw [string repeat [rbitmap 40 40]\n 3]}
|
||
proc banner2 str {return "ª\"~¨¨¯¯¨¨~\"ª¤(¯`*o.¸(¯`*o.¸ $str ¸.o*´¯)¸.o*´¯)¤ª\"~¨¨¯¯¨¨~\"ª"}
|
||
proc colorblind {} {return "IF YOU CANNOT READ THIS, YOU'RE A DICK LICKING COLORBLIND HOMO"}
|
||
proc niggerdislike {} {lindex_random $::niggerdislikes}
|
||
proc tlc {} {. I don't want no scrubs}
|
||
proc mafiawars {} {. "Congrats, [nick], [mafia_word]"}
|
||
proc cocks args hugegay
|
||
proc whoisthecoolest args { . not [or $args [name]] }
|
||
proc tld {} {lindex_random $::tlds}
|
||
proc addfetish str {lappend ::fetish_dict $str; return ""}
|
||
proc aimf_norse_poem1 args {aimify norse_poem1 $args}
|
||
proc tootify args {set args [join $args]; regsub -all -expanded { \w{6} } $args "toot"}
|
||
proc thinkaboutit2 who {return "[lindex_random $::fundie_phrases] [albot] [choose "THINK ABOUT IT" "Check MATE"], [name $who]"}
|
||
proc drawtable2 {table {colors {}} {seperator {}} {align {}}} {if [llength $table] { set colwidths [colwidths $table];join [map [seq 0 [expr [llength $table] - 1]] {rownum {drawrow [lindex $table $rownum] $colwidths $colors $seperator $align}}] \n}}
|
||
proc LiteralKa {} {error "HTTP 404"}
|
||
proc checkdick {} {wget http://pastebin.com/raw.php?i=DL3C3fbd}
|
||
proc college p { set a [collegeidiot]; eval "$p $a"; }
|
||
proc troll {} {center2 [regsub -all -line {<strong style=".+?">(.+?)</strong>} [last [regexp -inline {<p style=".+?>(.+?)</p>} [wget http://rolloffle.churchburning.org/troll_me.php]]] {\1}]}
|
||
proc roulette_squeeze {} {
|
||
set old_chamber [cache fetch roulette current {roulette_reload}]
|
||
set current_chamber $old_chamber
|
||
set hot_chamber [cache get roulette hot]
|
||
cache put roulette current [expr $current_chamber + 1]
|
||
if {$old_chamber == $hot_chamber} {
|
||
cache put roulette current 0;
|
||
return [roulette_kill]
|
||
} else {
|
||
return [roulette_win]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc omgdude {} {join $::omgdude \n}
|
||
proc nickberg {} {return "N I C K B E R G\nK #_O_/,#|,#|\\ G\nT /,\\__..|~O|, O\nH #,/#,#,|#,|# A\nX -----,#,#,|# L\nN I C K B E R G"}
|
||
proc worthless_degree {} {. [ucwords [?? $::worthless_degree]] }
|
||
proc sun args {apply oracle $args}
|
||
proc rep2stars {number {t 5}} {set n [expr round($number/4.0)]; set d [- $t $n]; return "\x03\x30\x38[string repeat \u2605 $n][^C]15[string repeat \u2605 $d]\x03"}
|
||
proc tmf {} {bigtext "2 MINUTES FUNK"}
|
||
proc pornthread {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> check out this thread on [strip_u [fetish_porn]] [thread_gen]"}
|
||
proc nicecat {} {. [pt cat] [arcade "nice pussy!" pabom 6]}
|
||
proc knucklehead {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who, I LUV U DICKFACE"}
|
||
proc infobox2 args { m [winfobox2 [args]] {x {. [^B_][first $x]:[^O] [second $x]}} \n }
|
||
proc bj_init {} { return [blackjack_init]; return "Black Jack Initalized";}
|
||
proc sfart {} {strings [join [lrange [lines [fart]] 1 end] \n]}
|
||
proc obama_name {} {set left [string trimright [word o(?:b(?:a)?)?$] oba]; set right [string trimleft [word ^(?:a|ma|ama)] ama]; return "${left}obama${right}"}
|
||
proc blargh {} {. <@Blargh> [blargh_word]}
|
||
proc aimaway {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [subst [lindex_random $::aimaway]]}
|
||
proc csammize args {. [regsub -all {(\w(?= )|\w$)} [join $args] {\0.}] "End of story"}
|
||
proc xssnimp {} {subst [lindex_random $::xssnimp]}
|
||
proc pubmccain num {publish [. [subst [string repeat {[mccain_slogan]\n} [expr {int($num)}]]]]}
|
||
proc nop_backup {} {string tolower [string map {{I am } {He is } {I } {he } { my} { his} { me} { him} {I'm } {he's } {I've } {he's }} [regsub "I " [fml] "Nop "]]}
|
||
proc kalleions {} {. < Kalle> [string map {{you to} {me to} {you } {I } You I your my} [prions]]}
|
||
proc twobyeightmouth {} {join [?? $::twobyeightmouthes] \n}
|
||
proc downs {} {set rate [convert 1 cad usd]; set cad [lindex $rate 0]; set usd [lindex $rate 3]; if {$cad < $usd} {set color red} {set color green}; return "[color $color]${rate}[color]"}
|
||
proc peeinto {{args {}}} {pee_into $args}
|
||
proc lline list { }
|
||
proc STsailingboat {} { return " _4 _4 \n _)_))_) \n _)_)_)_) \n _)_))_))_)_ \n \\_=__=__=_/ ";}
|
||
proc aimyiff {{dong {}}} {aim -n [aimname $dong] "*[furry_verb] your [furry_noun]* [choose {} [murrpurr]]"}
|
||
proc cocoa {} {. \[\[\[NS[CamelCase [random_word]] alloc\] initWith[CamelCase [random_word]]:@\"[string tolower [random_word]]\"\] [camelCase [random_word]]\]\;}
|
||
proc factor_stats {{n 10}} { drawtable [lrange [sort_factor_stats] 0 $n] }
|
||
proc mm args {return [master_won [nick] [master_gete [nick] 0] [master_gete [nick] 1] [master_gete [nick] 2] [master_gete [nick] 3]];}
|
||
proc crw_phrase {{who {}}} {. "[name $who], [?? $::crw_phrase]"}
|
||
proc echelon {} {repeat 30 {subst [echelon_word]}}
|
||
proc svn {} {return "Skipped missing target: \'/[underscore [crw_word]]/[underscore [crw_word]]/[underscore [crw_word]].rb\'"}
|
||
proc aimf_facebooklm args {aimify facebooklm $args}
|
||
proc sux args {return "K combinator in my anus"}
|
||
proc master_match {i a b c d} { set perfect [master_get_perfect $i $a $b $c $d]; set notperfect [master_get_notperfect $i $a $b $c $d]; set miss [master_get_miss $i $a $b $c $d]; return [list $perfect $notperfect $miss]; }
|
||
proc vflip str {set ret [list]; foreach line [lreverse [split $str \n]] {set l ""; foreach {f t} [split_on_formatting $line] {append l $f[string map $::vflip_pairs_better $t]}; lappend ret $l}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc actor {} {lindex_random $::actors}
|
||
proc STturkey {} { return [join [list " .-\"\"\"\"\"\"\"-.\n" " \{ .----. .-.\n" " \{ \{ ( o\{\\\n" "\{ \{ \\ \\~`\n" "\{ \{ _\\ \\\n" " \{ \{ / |\n" " \{___\{______/ |\n" " '/ / / /\n" " '--'\\___/ \\___/\n" " /\\ /\\"]]; }
|
||
proc twodongs {} {return "[biggaytext "8=====D"] vs. 8=D (big and gay or small and happy)"}
|
||
proc ppcs? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::ppc_krew]]] PPCs}
|
||
proc big911 {} {draw {0001000000111001110 1000100000111001110 0111111110111001110 1000100000111001110 0001000000111001110}}
|
||
proc ufc {{who1 {}} {who2 {}}} { caption [gis ufc submission] "Fig 1. [mmafighter [or $who1 [name]]] performs a standard [choose [crw_word] [butte_word] [body_part]] [ufc_attack] on [mmafighter [or $who2 [name]]]." }
|
||
proc moredrugs? {} {pick 10 {drugsback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]} 2 img-drugs}
|
||
proc psych1 {} {lindex_random $::psych1}
|
||
proc lilo args {if {$args eq ""} {set args theo};regsub {(\d+) (\d+)} [mapx {0 0} x {lindex_random [seq 2 13]}] "\\1-\\2lilo/Wallops\\1- [eval $args]"}
|
||
proc cached_nicklist {} {. [nicklist]}
|
||
proc chess:values boardName {
|
||
# returns the current numeric value of white and black crews
|
||
upvar 1 $boardName board
|
||
set white 0; set black 0
|
||
foreach square [array names b oard ??] {
|
||
set man $board($square)
|
||
switch -regexp -- $man {
|
||
[A-Z] {set white [expr {$white + [manValue $man]}]}
|
||
[a-z] {set black [expr {$black + [manValue $man]}]}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
list $white $black
|
||
}
|
||
proc weird_fml {} {string map {boyfriend gynecologist girlfriend mom mom girlfriend dad gynecologist boy lesbian girl jew guy nigger grandmother girlfriend grandfather boyfriend grandma daughter grandpa gynecologist teacher "child molester" friend nigga kid "lil shit" parent "parole officer" woman felon college "the toilet" drink fuck drunk menstruating} [fml]}
|
||
proc randproc args {while {[catch [lindex_random [find_in_procs [join $args]]] r]} {}; set r}
|
||
proc psych2 {} {lindex_random $::psych2}
|
||
proc muslimtitle {} {return [lindex_random $::muslimtitle]}
|
||
proc assert_equal {expected actual {message {}}} {
|
||
set full_message [or $message "$expected expected but was\n$actual.\n"]
|
||
assert_block {expr {$expected eq $actual}} $full_message
|
||
}
|
||
proc psych3 {} {lindex_random $::psych3}
|
||
proc political_figure {} {lindex_random $::political_figures}
|
||
proc lsd25 {{n 20} {m 20} {w 40}} {wavething [lrepeat $n [wohaaahah $w]] $m}
|
||
proc gayforpay {} { set thecock [cock]; set themoney [dollarsign]; set result $thecock$themoney; return $result;}
|
||
proc STcracker {} {. " .----\n /| o \\\n /| | \n /|| o |\n /|| \\____/\n/ | \\____/\n| \\____/\n| /\n \\____/"}
|
||
proc omgwall {} {return "\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\\n/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/\n\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\\n/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/..\\_O/";}
|
||
proc go:top {} {uchar 2533}
|
||
proc gaysmile {} {rainbow [smile]}
|
||
proc wolfman {} {. <wolfman> [choose [. [name]: #flashsupport has moved to irc.arabs.ps #arab] {HEY WINKIE}]}
|
||
proc sajoin args {uplevel #0 [concat ajoin " " $args]}
|
||
proc macs {} {return "[bigtext one\ butan]"}
|
||
proc 3unmorse str {unmorse [unmorse [unmorse $str]]}
|
||
proc zalgochar2 {} { ?? {a b c d}}
|
||
proc tpb args {. The Pirate Bay is: DOWN}
|
||
proc split_every {n list} {set ret [list]; set accum [list]; set i 0; foreach element $list {incr i; lappend accum $element; if {$i % $n == 0} {lappend ret $accum; set accum [list]}}; if [llength $accum] {lappend ret $accum}; return $ret}
|
||
proc buttes? {} {c [llength [names]] buttes}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^hi(.*)/ {matches cmd args} {ajoin " " [cswas] "\n\n[wet hi [last $matches]]" [cswas]}
|
||
proc lind {} {lind_fill; if {$::lind_last < $::lind_prev} {set dir COLLAPSING; set color red} {set dir RALLYING; set color green}; if {$::lind_last == $::lind_prev} {set dir STABLE; set color white} {}; . LINDENS [color $color][. $dir]! LAST TRADE \$[format %.5f [expr 1.00 / $::lind_last]]}
|
||
proc buffalo {} {. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.}
|
||
proc unknown args {
|
||
if [llength [set handler [apply unknown:handler_for $args]]] {
|
||
apply $handler $args
|
||
} else {
|
||
error "invalid command name \"[lindex $args 0]\""
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc lolname {} {return "[waspfirstname] [alshort]"}
|
||
proc asterix {} { join { { ===.} { =====.==`. } { ===`.8=); _/)} { _ (G^ @@__ / '.} { ,._,-'_`-/,-^( _).__:} { ( / .MMm.Y_)/ } { `'(|.oMMMM } { d88:'mOom } { 88::(::\d88b} { Y88 ':88888}} \n}
|
||
proc clearchannel {} {. [capitalize "[shakti_adjective] [?? $::music_genres]"] [fm_station_name] [fm_station_mhz] - [subst [?? $::radio_slogans]]}
|
||
proc notify {{who {}} {msg {}}} {set who [name $who]; if {$msg eq ""} {set msg [string range [goon_word] 0 13]}; ajoin " " "$who:\n$who:\n$who:\n$who:\n$who:" [easter 5] [bt $msg] [easter 5]}
|
||
proc mroachplot {} {. "\"Fonez[sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1982 [rand 26]]) tells the story of Michael Roach ([celebrity]) growing up in [choose Sweden Norway Singapore Japan], coping with fonez, fonez, fonez, and [choose [mroach_word] [lindex_random $::fone_names] [plural [lindex_random $::fone_function]]]."}
|
||
proc review {} {set q [rand 6]; if {$q ne 1} {return "$q [element_word] [marginalize]babies -- [source]"} {return "$q [element_word] [marginalize]baby -- [source]"}}
|
||
proc omgtotemsayislam3 {} {ajoin "" [wrap [join [islam3]] 50] "\n\\" [aflip [omgtotem]]]}
|
||
proc top {l n} { lrange $l 0 [- $n 1] }
|
||
proc slot_pull_value_single stamps {set max [slot_stamp_max_value]; foreach stamp $stamps {if {[slot_stamp_value $stamp] == $max} {return $max}}; return 0}
|
||
proc hangup {} {. +++ATH }
|
||
proc escape_regexp regexp {string map [list \\ {\\} ( {\(} ) {\)} \{ {\{} \} {\}} {[} {\[} \] {\]} . {\.} ? {\?} ^ {\^} + {\+} | {\|} {$} {\$}] $regexp}
|
||
proc ugh {} {fw [choose bt bgt et] ugh}
|
||
proc aimbeware {{who {}}} {return "[aim -n [aimname $who] "Beware the [adjective] [ethnic_group]\; they're out to undermine the War on Terror with their unAmerican stance on [hotbutton]"]"}
|
||
proc aimhands {{sn {}}} { aim -n [aimname $sn] "MR HANDS DIED FOR YOUR SINS. MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON HIS SOUL. PLEASE SEE THIS WONDERFUL MEMORIAL TO HIM: http://lbn.threat.tv/mrhands.wmv" }
|
||
proc chingchong_char {} {?? $::chingchong_dict}
|
||
proc todo_box {} {. [choose "\[[uchar 2717]\]" "\[ \]"]}
|
||
proc uhb {} {. \u2580}
|
||
proc word_swastika word { rswastika $word\n[join [split [string range $word 1 end] ""] \n] }
|
||
proc v%limit c {
|
||
set lu [llength [chanlist ${c}]]
|
||
if {[expr ${lu} % 6] == 0} {
|
||
set limit [expr ${lu} + [v%rand 11 6]]
|
||
channel set ${c} chanmode "[string map {+l +ll} [channel get ${c} chanmode]] ${limit}"
|
||
pushmode ${c} +l ${limit}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc syn args {return "ack"}
|
||
proc false? value {string is false $value}
|
||
proc globpub {} {publish [. [string map {" " "\n"} [info globals]]]}
|
||
proc chatkiller {} {return "I must not chat softly \nSoft chat is the lulz-killer \nSoft chat is the little-death that brings total channel breakdown.\nI will face my soft chats. \nI will permit them to pass over me and through me. \nAnd when they have gone past, I will check my logs and see their path. \nWhere the soft chats have gone there will be nothing. \nOnly I will remain."}
|
||
proc goonresume {} {force_image [tinyurl [latext [string map {\$ \\\$} [goonresumemain]]]]}
|
||
proc articleize word {return "[expr {[regexp -nocase {^[aeiou]} $word] ? "an" : "a"}] $word"}
|
||
proc mac_cthulhu {} {cthulhu_say [choose "[mac_feature]" "[iphone_feature]"]}
|
||
proc edwards_field {} {smega {next_in_list {{red_mills} {white_mills}}} 5}
|
||
proc tsdesk str {return "..::[string tolower [regsub -all " +" $str "."]]"}
|
||
proc whiteboy_activity {} {lindex_random $::whiteboy_activity_dict}
|
||
proc sellout {} {return "<@sam> OH [string toupper [deity]]E I LIKE [string toupper [butte_word]] IN MY [string toupper [butte_word]]"}
|
||
proc pubmoiracam {} {publish [strip_color [moiracam]]}
|
||
proc xbox args {is hueg}
|
||
proc gay_random {} {eval [lindex_random $::gay_randoms]}
|
||
proc aqua_teen_hunger_force {} goonmeal
|
||
proc convert {n f t} {return "$n $f = [expr $n*[cur_base $f $t]] $t"}
|
||
proc dndattribute {} {return [lindex_random $::dndattribute]}
|
||
proc elton args {rain [eval [concat stampsay -s elton $args]]}
|
||
proc casualencounter {} { ?? [60~http://casual-encounters.appspot.com]}
|
||
proc glxgears {} {set frames [rand 100000]; set fps [expr {$frames/5.0}]; format "%d frames in 5.0 seconds = %.3f FPS" $frames $fps}
|
||
proc funkymac args {. http://cryptosystem.org/audio/FunkyMac.wav#.mp3}
|
||
proc test_count_nicks mask { set mask [string tolower [regsub {s?\?$} $mask ""]]; set count [llength [lfilter *$mask* [string tolower [names]]]]; if {$count == 1} {return "${count} ${mask}" } else {if {$count == 0} {return xero\ ${mask}s} {return "${count} ${mask}s" }} }
|
||
proc magick-white-background img { magick_scheme (let ((img (image \"[scheme_escape $img]\")) (w (width img)) (h (height img)) (white (resize (image http://churchburning.org/w/whitepixel.png) w h))) (overlay white img)) }
|
||
proc STlilreaper {} {return " %%% %%%%%%% |#|\n %%%% %%%%%%%%%%% |#|####\n %%%%% % %%% |#|=#####\n %%%%% % @ @ %% | | ==####\n%%%%%% % (_ () ) %% | | ===##\n%% %%% % \_ | %% | | =##\n% %%%% % u^uuu %% | | ==#\n %%%% %%%%%%%%% | | V";}
|
||
proc rproc2 url {set src [nlsplit [wget $url]]; join [map $src {x {set pname [second $x]; if {$pname != "" && [info proc $pname] != ""} {. [^C]04$pname: not installed because it exists} elseif {$pname != ""} {eval $x; . [^C]09$pname: installed } }}] \n }
|
||
proc spamemail {} {return "[daypart], [name] \nit's \"[niggerphrase]\" \nhttps://[camwhoreurl] \n[choose [jewfullname] [muslimname] [waspfullname] [pythonname] [lolname] [niggerfulname]]"}
|
||
proc fedroulette_reload {} { cache put fedroulette hot [rand 6]; cache put fedroulette current 0; }
|
||
proc warhol_colorize stamp { color_box [next_in_list $::warhol_colors] [ST$stamp] }
|
||
proc religious {} {lindex_random $::religion_adherant}
|
||
proc mathseq {n a i expr} { m [seq 1 [/r $n $i]] {x { eval "expr $expr" }} { } }
|
||
proc gay_bacon {{idiot {}}} {return "( (( ( \n ) )) ) Eat Your Tofu Bacon\n( (( (\n ) )) ) [name $idiot] \n( (( ("}
|
||
proc droidname args {. The new [?? {Samsung HTC Motorola ZTE}] [shakti_word]}
|
||
proc emacslam {} { join $::emacslam \n }
|
||
proc shittify str {string map -nocase {your ur you're ur you u are r two 2 too 2 to 2 cool kewl dicks dongs} $str}
|
||
proc STkitty {} { return " /\\/\\ \n /o.o \\ \n \\_^__/\\_ \n | , \\ \n (_(_,____| ";}
|
||
proc cur_base {f t} {lindex [regexp -inline {<b>(.*?)</b>} [http://download.finance.yahoo.com/d/quotes.csv?s=[string toupper $f$t]=X&f=l&e=.cvs]] 1}
|
||
proc winkieshouse? {} {set rate [convert 1 gbp eur]; set gbp [lindex $rate 0]; set eur [lindex $rate 3]; if {$eur >= 2} {. [winkz]} {. FUCK EUROPE}}
|
||
proc cached_barjoke {} {if [catch barjoke result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_barjoke]}; cache_list cached_barjoke $result}
|
||
proc robot {genital_warts my_priest} {set :10bux: "[badger goons] i just found my mom whipping hi what should i do???? (56k nuclear winter)"; lappend my_uncle [gudroids [song1 $new_keyboard $breakfast_cereals]]; return $ButtesNET}
|
||
proc man2 args {. "man pages not installed.\n \n[bold]SEE ALSO[bold]\n \n The full documentation for [bold][join $args][bold] is maintained as a Texinfo manual. If\n the [bold]info[bold] and [bold][join $args][bold] programs are properly installed at your site, the\n command\n \n [bold]info [join $args][bold]\n \n should give you access to the complete manual."}
|
||
proc is_numeric n { regexp {^\d+$} $n }
|
||
proc politweet_mccain {} {twat REJECTED MCCAIN SLOGANS: [smega mccain_slogan 4]}
|
||
proc greetingcard {} {. Happy holidays! View this greeting card: http://tinyurl.com/holidays08 }
|
||
proc toptip args {if {$args ne ""} {set tip [?? [lgrep "***:(?i)$args" $::toptips]]}; if {![info exists tip]} {set tip [lindex_random $::toptips]}; . [bold][color red]TOP TIP: [bold][color][utf8_demangle [lindex $tip 0]]\n Thanks to: [bold][utf8_demangle [lindex $tip 1]]}
|
||
proc rfml {} {. "I'm no racist, but [innerfml]. [resist]"}
|
||
proc STmoirabald {} {return " ______\n .` `.\n | |\n |_ _ .|\n 6 6 `)\n | /_ |\n \\ _, / |\n \\__.' |_"}
|
||
proc tru {} {}
|
||
proc swingler_tweet {{who {}} {rate 50}} {. "<[name $who]> i'd pay \$$rate/month for swingler never to mention [swingler_word] on twitter again"}
|
||
proc map2fmt-a num { if {[string is integer $num]} {format "%.2d" $num} {return " "} }
|
||
proc rndtcl_program {} {set n_exprs [expr [rand 4] + 1]; set ret ""; for {set i 0} {$i < $n_exprs} {incr i} {lappend ret "[rndtcl_statement]; "}; lappend ret [rndtcl_return]; join $ret ""}
|
||
proc drudge_stamp {} {. [stampsay -s [choose "bomb" "axe" "skull" "cocksegway"] [s_d]]}
|
||
proc locate {substring string} {set ret [list]; set n 0; foreach line [lines $string] {incr n; foreach pair [regexp -all -inline -indices [escape_regexp $substring] $line] {lappend ret [list [+ 1 [first $pair]] $n]}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc lisa {needs braces} {return "dental plan"}
|
||
proc latexmatix {} {. "[tinyurl [latex {\left[\begin{tabular}{ccccccccc|c}} [join [split [smega {. "[subst [string repeat {[roll 100]&} 9]][roll 100] \\\\ "} 21] "\n"]] {\end{tabular}\right]}]]#.png"}
|
||
proc blackjack_dealer_stand {} { return "Dealer Stands\n[blackjack_print_hand [blackjack_get_player dealer]]"; }
|
||
proc their args {error {invalid command name "theyre"}}
|
||
proc niggertweet {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {return "[heynot] @[twitterceleb] [niggerramble 1]"} {return "[heynot] @$who [niggerramble 1]"}}
|
||
proc niggername {} {choose "[niggerman] [niggerlastname]" "[niggerwoman] [niggerlastname]" [famousniggerman] [famousniggerwoman]}
|
||
proc convert_magscale args {expr [{s/ //} [string map {thousand e3 million e6 billion e9 trillion e12} [join $args]]]}
|
||
proc cstrip s {
|
||
join [lindex [csplit $s] 0] ""
|
||
}
|
||
proc threatens {a b} {. $a threatens $b}
|
||
proc smalltext str {string tolower $str}
|
||
proc interrogate2 {{name {}}} {return "[name $name]: isn't it true that [slander]?"}
|
||
proc ulf {} Ulf
|
||
proc rbl_line {{quote {}}} {if {$quote eq ""} {set quote [rbl_quote]}; set lines [split $quote \n]; lindex_random $lines}
|
||
proc map1 {list func} {set q [list]; foreach i $list {lappend q [uplevel [concat $func [list $i]]]}; return $q}
|
||
proc coinreturn:extra {coin currency data} {if {$data == "null"} {text:red "no data available"} else {. [^B][^U]VOLUME >[^U][^B] [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data volume_first]][^C] [upper $coin] | [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data volume_second]][^C] [upper $currency] | Best Market: [^C]03[_dict_get $data best_market][^C]}}
|
||
proc corrupt {} {each [regexp -all -inline {<h2><a href="(.*?)" title="(.*?)">} [wget http://www.corrupt.org]] {{m n1 n2} {. "\002[html ${n2}]\002 - \x1fhttp://www.corrupt.org[html ${n1}]\x1f"}}}
|
||
proc terrific {} {return "Spreading her drool liberally on my chest, I gazed upon her heaving breasts and as there was no longer a feeding tube that would hinder the removal of her shirt, it was haphazardly flung in the nearest empty chair facing us.
|
||
She winked as she asked for a different kind of feeding tube. Happy to oblige, my zipper made a familiar sound that made Terri's face light up with joy.
|
||
I guided her hands to my beanbags of love, where her intermittent squeezing didn't bother me too much. Laying completely on her now, I pressed her flesh balloons together where a meek gurgling of delight escaped from her lips.
|
||
My cockmeat was straining against her panties now, as her back arched slightly in preperation for the Senate pigeonholing I was about to give her.
|
||
\"NnnNNUGH!\", she cried out as my living will entered hers.
|
||
Her shaking hands tussled my hair like Michael J Fox, the bedpan underneath shaking with our indomitable thrusts.
|
||
Her breathing skipped a beat, as beads of sticky sweat appeared over brow. Deftly turning her on her back, my hands grabbed her supple sides. She could live for another couple weeks, I'd imagine.
|
||
After what felt like many hours riding the short bus, my climax was building up like a court case. I left evidence everywhere.
|
||
Our passionate tryst had drawn to a close, much like the curtains. I waved a tearful goodbye as the wails reverberated throughout the white corridors.
|
||
I needed a glass of water after that, one that would never be forgotten. I took a sip, and said goodbye one last time." }
|
||
proc moiravision {{url {}}} {set mv [moiravision_uncropped $url]; magick crop $mv 0 0 [expr [lindex [get_image_size $mv] 0]-50] [lindex [get_image_size $mv] 1]}
|
||
proc thanks args { return "No problem [nick]" }
|
||
proc japgirl {} {set girl [japgirlname];set salt [lindex_random {gravure アイドル グラビア おっぱい idol}]; . $girl ($salt): [gis $girl $salt]}
|
||
proc xdcc {} {. \[added\] \[[underscore [chirpz_word]]\]_[wikileaks_file] - /MSG [name] XDCC SEND [rand 500]}
|
||
proc trandi args {rand 1 10}
|
||
proc rget {r s} { last [regexp -inline $r $s] }
|
||
proc megatokyogame {} {shitstarter http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/fredrin/megatokyo-visual-novel-game}
|
||
proc tts args {. http://translate.google.com/translate_tts?tl=en&q=[urlencode [args]]}
|
||
proc jay-z args {if {$args eq ""} {set args [random_word]}; . Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll use $args.” Now they have 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.}
|
||
proc immigrants {{who @Karabiner}} {return "<[name $who]> there are no [ethnic_group] above the 38th parallel ([name], [name]: I know)"}
|
||
proc sextoy {} {lindex_random $::sextoy_dict}
|
||
proc bogersay args {stampsay -s boger [join $args]}
|
||
proc diamond str {set ret [list]; foreach i {1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1} {lappend ret [center [string repeat $str $i] [expr {[string length $str]*9}]]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc make {} {subst [join [string repeat {[gentoo] } 5] \n]}
|
||
proc gbs_finger aim {set h [http post http://localghost.us/cgi-bin/sacollege.pl?c=search aim $aim];set q [regexp {<tr class="row">.*?<td>(.*?)\n\s+<td>(.*?)\n\s+<td>(.*?)\n\s+<td>(.*?)\n} $h m n s a e t];if {$q==1} {return "Name : $n\nSchool: $s\nAIM : [html $a]\nE-mail: [html $e]\nState : $t"} {return "Screenname not found: $aim"}}
|
||
proc darrens? {} {set darrabens 0; set buf ""; append buf [count_nicks darren]; foreach darren [lfilter *darren* [string tolower [names]]] { if [regexp {^arab@|root@127\.0\.0\.1$} [hostmask $darren]] { incr darrabens; }; }; return "$buf ...but $darrabens a rabs are among them!"; }
|
||
proc rot:rotate90 strl {
|
||
rot:serializemat [rot:rotatematrix90 $strl]
|
||
}
|
||
proc overdose args {doctorsay Hey [name $args] you have contracted [choose [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]] [sexpart] from an overdose of [crw_word]}
|
||
proc lisp args {set size [expr {[rand 20]+5}]; return "[string repeat "(" $size] $args [string repeat ")" $size]"}
|
||
proc image-pedo image {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $image a23cb083258bbb01d5858f6a2d6b11f5 0.75}
|
||
proc goldbstfulump {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name];}; return "[goldbstfu $who][gold [lump " "]]";}
|
||
proc youtube_comic_frame {} {let {art {box [embed [canvas 35 12] $art 2 [- 12 [llength [lines $art]]]]}} [ajoin " " [wrap [youtube_comment] 19] \n\\ \n[[lindex_random $::small_stamp_dict]]]}
|
||
proc aimterds args {aimify terds $args}
|
||
proc smokedick {{lmao {}}} {if {$lmao eq ""} {return "radeon sucks dick okay"}; return "$lmao smokes two dicks before he smokes two dicks and then he smokes two more"}
|
||
proc gdp_per_capita args {set wolfram [wolfram "[join $args] GDP Per Capita"]]; lindex [regexp -inline {(?in)^.(\d+) per year per person} $wolfram] 1}
|
||
proc juxtapose str {set ret [list]; foreach {match a b} [regexp -all -inline {(?:^| )([^ /]+)/([^ ]+)} $str] {lappend ret [list $a $b]}; return $ret}
|
||
proc celebrity {} {lindex_random $::celebrities}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/\?\?(.+)$/} {match cmd args} {wu [string map {- { }} [last $match]]}
|
||
proc opinion {} {lindex_random $::opinion_dict}
|
||
proc napply {n cmd {input {}}} { set ret $input; for {set x 0} {$x < $n} {incr x} { set ret [$cmd $ret] }; return $ret; }
|
||
proc stfuamid {} {pyramid stfu}
|
||
proc aimjohnson args {aim -n [aimname $args] "I spend \$24 a month on tube socks because I pound my Johnson into them daily"}
|
||
proc alpha_rockdots args { alpha_replace ÄḄĊḊЁḞĠḦЇJḲḶṀṄÖṖQṚṠṪÜṾẄẌŸŻ [join $args] }
|
||
proc array_values array {map [array names ::$array] {name {set ::${array}($name)}}}
|
||
proc netcraft {{opersys {}}} {if {$opersys eq ""} {set opersys [os]}; return "Netcraft confirms it - $opersys is dying!"}
|
||
proc google2 pattern {set result [last [regexp -inline {HREF="([^"]+?)">here</} [last [http get "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&btnI=I%27m+Feeling+Lucky&q=$pattern"]]]]; if ![string length $result] { . "No results found"; } else { . "\002$pattern\002: \x1f$result\x1f"; }; }
|
||
proc furrysex {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] dresses as a [animal] then starts [sex_act] [animal]s"}
|
||
proc searchdict {dict what} {return "[lsearch -glob [set ::$dict] *$what*]"}
|
||
proc nimplink args {return "<a href=\"[nimpify $args]\">$args</a>"}
|
||
proc aimfalafel args {aim -n [aimname $args] [falafel]}
|
||
proc dongboy {} {return " |||\n O_O\n _/ /\n /( Y)\\\n ^ /\\ ^\n ` `"}
|
||
proc upvote blogger {set ::karma($blogger) [expr [last [array get ::karma $blogger]] + 1]}
|
||
proc suicidegirl {} {. [name] is into [random_word2], [random_word2] and [random_word2]. Want to get to know her and other sexy SuicideGirls and awesome members that are into the same things you are? Join now: http://suicidegirls.com/join}
|
||
proc hatstory {} {abezhatsay [?? [names]], FYI: I've had my lambda hat since 2005 & it has nothing to do with Hackernews. It was about functional programming, not half-life. This never ending stream of paul graham shit has taken a lot away from me, so I've stubbornly not given up my hat.}
|
||
proc no_netsplit {server1 server2} {. -!- Netsplit $server1 >-< $server2}
|
||
proc lilweed2 {} {. [colorize [shrink [. $::weed_ascii]] 3]}
|
||
proc obamajeans {} {return {http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/images/05/08/gall.obamajeans.gi.jpg}}
|
||
proc fullencode str { set chars [list]; foreach char [split $str {}] { lappend chars %[format %02X [scan $char %c]] }; join $chars {}}
|
||
proc uno {} {ajoin " " [themoreyouknow] "\n\n[bgt .-*]"}
|
||
proc rocks {} {. "no, YOU rock"}
|
||
proc twp {} {. http://threewordphrase.com/[?? [odds [regexp -all -inline { <a href="/(.*?)\.htm">} [600~http://threewordphrase.com/archive.htm]]]].jpg}
|
||
proc touchdown {} {pick 1 {blakediapersay touchdown} 1 img-blaketouchdown}
|
||
proc okeyramble {} {return "<okey> [okeyphrase]"}
|
||
proc aimsomeonewithcolorforreal nick,textu {join [mapx [split $textu \n] x {concat .a\im+ $nick $x}] \n}
|
||
proc demon {} {lindex_random $::demons}
|
||
proc doublestuff {} {act "stuffs herself into Alien's mouth"; act "DELICIOUS WHITE GOODNESS"; act "stuffs herself into Alien's mouth"}
|
||
proc rot:mktuples v {
|
||
set col ""; set bold 0; set reverse 0; set out [list];
|
||
foreach {c} $v {
|
||
if {[rot:iscoloroff $c]} {
|
||
set col "";
|
||
} elseif {[rot:isoff $c]} {
|
||
set col "";
|
||
set bold 0;
|
||
set reverse 0;
|
||
} elseif {[rot:iscolor $c]} {
|
||
set col $c;
|
||
} elseif {[rot:isbold $c]} {
|
||
set bold [rot:not $bold];
|
||
} elseif {[rot:isreverse $c]} {
|
||
set reverse [rot:not $reverse];
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend out [list $c $col $bold $reverse]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return $out
|
||
}
|
||
proc mockclint {} python
|
||
proc big_red_mills {} {. "[color white on red] MILLS MILLS MILLS MILLS MILLS "}
|
||
proc brian {} { return "[rainbow "Yes sir! I can boogie! But I need a certain song! I can boogie! Boogie boogie! All night looooooooooooooooooooong!"]"}
|
||
proc wc3 {} {set buf ""; foreach name [names] { append buf "$name: n e wc3\n"; }; return $buf}
|
||
proc virusextension {} {return "[subst [string repeat {[lindex_random $::virusextensions]} [expr {int(rand()*4)+2}]]]"}
|
||
proc sre_flags flags {set flags [join [uniq [split $flags {}]] {}]; if [regexp {^[igmx]*(?:-[s]*)?$} $flags] {split [string trim [string map $::re_flags $flags]]} {error "tcl regexp modifiers are limited to igmx-s (supplied: $flags)"}}
|
||
proc hihex {} {s/winkie/hex/gi [hiwinkie]}
|
||
proc god_todo {} {checkbox "split the sea" "raise the dead" "stop the sun" "KEEP A N-GGER FROM BECOMING PRESIDENT"}
|
||
proc aimrands {{who {}}} {return "[aim -n [aimname $who] [rands]]"}
|
||
proc jerkfart {{a jerkc} {b sfart}} {join [compact [zip [split [$a]] [split [$b]]]]}
|
||
proc goonthink args {stampthink -s goon [join $args]}
|
||
proc aimwmf args {aim -n [aimname $args] [subst [lindex_random $::wmfprank]] }
|
||
proc meltdown {} blake
|
||
proc lastfm:urlfilter x {utf8_demangle [regsub -all {\+} [subst [regsub -all {%([A-F,0-9]{2})} [regsub -all {%25([A-F,0-9]{2})} $x {%\1}] {[uchar \1]}]] { }]}
|
||
proc go:assertboard board { if {[go:type $board] == "go:board"} { return 1 } { error "NOT A GO:BOARD" } }
|
||
proc goonweight {} {return "[fathead [rand 40]] I'm not fat, I'm just [size_word]-boned!"}
|
||
proc cnnhd {} {return http://bonzoesc.net/images/upload/1/mroach_you_creepy_fuck.png}
|
||
proc tankbattle2 {} {ajoin " " [[lindex_random [info proc ST*]]] "\n\n---" [box [embed [canvas 65 7] [. "\n" [wrap [. "One of the greatest tank battles of the African campaign in #arab took place on [month] [rand 28] of 194[rand 3], between [title] [lindex_random $::arabs]'s [rand 180]th [capitalize [sex_act]] Division on one side, and Panzergruppe [capitalize [crw_word]] led by the [muslimtitle] [muslimname] on the other."] 65]] 1 1]]}
|
||
proc buttesmenu {} {ajoin "" [buttesmenusolo] "\n\n[flip [STfullgoon]]"}
|
||
proc megagoon {} {return "[goonhost], [fastfood] [goonhost] with [goonhost], [fatcookingword] in the [cooking_appliance] for [expr {int(rand()*5)+2}] minutes and top off with [gamer_phrase]. [fatgoon_finale] while playing my level 70 [wow_race] [wow_class] in [wow_raid].\n[stampsay -s boger \n]"}
|
||
proc speedline_maybe {} {choose { } [speedline]}
|
||
proc MURR {} {return "YIFF"}
|
||
proc headon {} {next_in_list {"HeadOn" "Apply directly to the forehead"}}
|
||
proc canucks? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::canucks]]] canucks}
|
||
proc STnegroklan {} { join { { /\ } { /..\ } {/ O \ } } \n }
|
||
proc emigrate2 {{who {}}} {return "Oi, you! Take your [seinfeld_word] and go back to [country_name], you [unplural [ethnic_group]]!"}
|
||
proc xdcc_short {} {. \[added\] \[[underscore [random_word]]\]_[choose [wikileaks_file] [virusfile] [catbusvirusdcc]]}
|
||
proc geil {} {say [say GEIL\ RAM]}
|
||
proc freedom {{hater {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; return [hate $hater Freedom]}
|
||
proc monetize args {set str [join $args " "]; if { $str eq "" } { set str "cash money" }; set ret [list]; foreach ltr [split $str ""] { if { [lsearch -exact $::currency_map [lc $ltr]] != -1 } { lappend ret [uchar [string map $::currency_map [lc $ltr]]] } else { lappend ret $ltr } }; return [join $ret ""] }
|
||
proc jerkcitydb args {?? $::jerkcitydb}
|
||
proc ipood {{type {}}} {set nick [nick]; set ret [poop $nick]; recordpoop $nick $type; return $ret}
|
||
proc refart n {re $n [sfart]}
|
||
proc megaseinfeld {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[seinfeld $who]\n[seinfeld $who]\n[seinfeld $who]\n[seinfeld $who]\n[seinfeld $who]"}
|
||
proc maybe_in_the_usa {} {choose "" " in the U.S.A" ", Can't Get Enough" " Hardcore Remix" " Feat. [capitalize [random_word]]" ", DJ [capitalize [random_word]] Mix" ", where are you?" " on the way to the club" " on your face" " of pleasure" " ([seinfeld_word] soundtrack)" " 2k[rand 5]" " Reloaded" ", Oh Yeah" ", Holla!" " (Gimme Some)" }
|
||
proc ac%comic {} {join [repeat 2 {ajoin {} [ac%frame [ac%char]] { } [ac%frame [ac%char]]}] \n}
|
||
proc spewaim {{who {}}} {set body [mega spew]; if {$who eq ""} {aim $body} {aim -n $who $body}}
|
||
proc snipersay {line1 {line2 {}}} {rcolourise [embed [embed [regsub -all W [img2asc http://i.imgur.com/uxscida.jpg] _] [fg $line1 Contrast] 36 30] [fg $line2 Contrast] 30 40]}
|
||
proc welcometocanada {} {return "WELCOME TO CANADA, [string toupper [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]] [string toupper [lindex_random $::viet_name_dict]]! HERE'S YOUR [string toupper [canadian_object]] AND SOME [string toupper [weed]], EH?"}
|
||
proc ups {} {gold [convert 1 xau usd]}
|
||
proc semen {pissing_on breakfast_cereals space} {set _finline_functions $_fcaller_saves; lappend sex_wrestlin [setnoradio [yiffs4furs] [radeon6 $Christ_killers]]; lappend peer_pressured [pisseveryoneoff [import_sn [addfetish] $garbage_can_with_a_bullet_hole]]; return $skinning}
|
||
proc linuxkern args {apply kem $args}
|
||
proc butteslogo {} { join $::butteslogo \n }
|
||
proc niggoon {} {niggerize [fatgoon]}
|
||
proc aids {} {return "[rainbow G.R.I.D.S.] /\\"}
|
||
proc dictacro word {acroformat [mapx [split [string tolower $word] {}] char {word ^$char}]}
|
||
proc xcox n {aflip [flip [ncock $n]]}
|
||
proc omgComp a {return [rainbow [repeatblock2 " __ ___ \n /..\\ /| |'-. \n .\\_O/ || | | \n / \`._ \\|_|_.-' \n/ \\__.\`=._) (_ " $a]]}
|
||
proc next_in_list_reset list {if [cache exists next_in_list [sha1 $list]] {cache delete next_in_list [sha1 $list]}}
|
||
proc fmsl {} {unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<text>(.*)</text>} [http://api.betacie.com/view/sex/random/nocomment?key=readonly&language=en]]]}
|
||
proc swapnicks {from to} {join [list [svsnick $from FAG$from] [svsnick $to $from] [svsnick FAG$from $to]] \n}
|
||
proc youtubemnd {} { buttemnd [new_youtube_comment] [cadr [randtag]] [audiotube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=[?? [top_youtube_id]]] }
|
||
proc tranny_channel {} { subst { This channel is for [trannies] } }
|
||
proc nlsplit str { split $str \n }
|
||
proc butteshack {} {set syms [butteshack:getsyms]; ajoin " " [butteshack:map $syms] "ButtesHack uses the following symbols:\n\n[butteshack:symbols $syms]"}
|
||
proc toupper a {string toupper $a}
|
||
proc randart:towharray piece {
|
||
set out [list]
|
||
foreach {w h} [maxdims $piece] {
|
||
foreach {l} [split $piece \n] {
|
||
lappend out [split $l ""];
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [list $w $h $out];
|
||
}
|
||
proc air_koryo {} {. "I think [?? $::vital_aircraft_part] may have been inoperative, but otherwise the flight was fine. "}
|
||
proc next_random_in_list list {set length [llength $list]; if {$length < 2} {return $list}; set key [sha1 $list]; set index [set previous_index [cache fetch last_random_in_list $key {return -1}]]; while {$index == $previous_index} {set index [rand $length]}; cache put last_random_in_list $key $index; lindex $list $index}
|
||
proc megalump {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[lump $who]\n[lump $who]\n[lump $who]\n[lump $who]\n[lump $who]"}
|
||
proc gaydar:placename {canvas nick} { set xy [gaydar:randomlocation]; embed $canvas [gaydar:name $nick] [car $xy] [cadr $xy] }
|
||
proc STclippy {} {join $::clippy_lines \n}
|
||
proc usa {} {. #1}
|
||
proc {unknown2:cmd/14(\w+)s$/} {matches cmd args} {. We must secure the existence of our people and a future for [last $matches] children.}
|
||
proc literai {} {lindex_random $::literati_dict}
|
||
proc iPadd {} { string map {Poop iPad poop ipad} [poop] }
|
||
proc aim+ args {if {[lrange $args 0 0] eq "-n"} {set nick [lrange $args 1 1]; set what [join [lrange $args 2 end]]} {set nick [rand_aim]; set what [join $args]}; set ret [list]; foreach dong [split $what \n] {lappend ret ".a\im+ $nick [strip_all $dong]"}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc audiophile_brand {} {lindex_random $::audiophile_brands}
|
||
proc vim {} {regsub -all {&\w+;} [viminfo http://vimeo.com/[last [get_vimeo_log]]] ""}
|
||
proc shitstarter url {set tt [split [kickstart2dict $url] { }]; set backers_idx [expr [lsearch $tt {"backers_count"}]+1]; set pledged_idx [expr [lsearch $tt {"pledged"}]+1]; set backers [lindex $tt $backers_idx]; set pledged [lindex $tt $pledged_idx]; . $backers chumps with $pledged too many dollars ($[format "%.1f" [expr $pledged/$backers]] per chump) ;}
|
||
proc bubble_worker {str repl} {return " [regsub -all {[^ ]} [regsub -all " " $str " "] $repl] "}
|
||
proc xmaseveryone {} {mapx [names] x {subst [HCOLOR [xmas_colours]]$x}}
|
||
proc slack {} {return "Slackware! [lindex_random $::slack]"}
|
||
proc revise {expr sub} {string map "> >[^O]" [regsub -all $expr [lsearch -regexp -inline [lreverse [lfilter {s/(.+?)/(.+?)/} [ircllog 250]]] $expr] $sub]}
|
||
proc likeacat {} { . [subst [?? $::likeacat]] (LIKE A CAT) }
|
||
proc updog args {upvar $args}
|
||
proc btc_mtgox {} http://mtgox.com/code/data/ticker.php
|
||
proc there args {error {invalid command name "their"}}
|
||
proc bad1 {} {return [bold][color [choosecolor]][hoiah]}
|
||
proc krys {{who {}}} {return "<+[name $who]> [name]: makeouts?"}
|
||
proc ceval:set {script result ttl} {
|
||
set key [sha1 $script]
|
||
cache put ceval [sha1 $script] [list id [info cmdcount] timestamp [expr {[clock seconds] + $ttl}] result $result]
|
||
ceval:gc
|
||
return $result
|
||
}
|
||
proc rot:maxdims mat {
|
||
set w 0;
|
||
set h 0;
|
||
foreach {row} $mat {
|
||
set w [rot:max $w [llength $row]];
|
||
incr h;
|
||
}
|
||
return [list $w $h]
|
||
}
|
||
proc bananas? {} {biggoldtext "[llength [info procs hello*]] bananas"}
|
||
proc politics_suicide {} {. On [day] [daypart], I will kill myself with a [weapon], I have nothing else to live for, [choose "[celebrity]" "[political_figure]"] has betrayed me, goodbye cruel world!}
|
||
proc darfur {{who Puntme}} {return "$who: [join $::darfur_lines \n]"}
|
||
proc utd {} {lindex_random $::utd_aim_dict}
|
||
proc onemanonejar {} {return \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ .--.\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ /\ \ \ \ \\\n\ \ \ \ \ \ ##\ a\ \ a\ \ \ \ \ \ \ _\n\ \ \ \ \ \ (\ \ \ '._)\ \ \ \ \ |_|\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ |'--\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ |\ \n\ \ \ \ \ _.\\___/_\ \ \ ___|_|___\n\ \ \ .\"\\>\ \\Y/|<'.\ \ '._.-'\n\ \ /\ \ \\\ \\_\\/\ /\ \ '-'\ /\n\ \ |\ --'\\_/|/\ |\ \ \ _/\n\ \ |___.-'\ |\ \ |`'`\n\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ |\n\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ /\ './\ \ \ \ \ \ \ ONE\ MAN\n\ \ \ /__./`\ |\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ONE\ JAR\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ |\ |\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ |\ |\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \;\ \ |\ |\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ /\ \ |\ |\n\ \ \ \ \ \ |___\\_.\\_\n\ \ \ \ \ \ `-\"--'---'\ \ \n}
|
||
proc asstory a { set b {picotux}; lappend b $a ; string map $b $::asstory }
|
||
proc safari {} {. [img-beachball]}
|
||
proc mapx {_l _v _p} {set _r [list];foreach _q $_v {upvar $_q $_q};foreach $_v $_l {lappend _r [uplevel 1 $_p]};return $_r}
|
||
proc goon_shakti {} {?? $::goon_shakti}
|
||
proc exde {} {biggaybowtext XD}
|
||
proc symbolab_fix a { set a [regsub -all {\\sqrt\{(.+)\}} $a "sqrt(\\1)"]; set a [regsub {\\cdot } $a {*}]; set a [regsub -all {\\ln} $a {ln}]; set a [regsub -all {\\frac} $a {frac}] }
|
||
proc array_mapx:tuple_eval {_l _x _y _code} {set $_x [car $_l]; set $_y [cadr $_l]; return [eval $_code]}
|
||
proc swastikatika {} {tcl string map {# \345\215\220 o \345\215\215} [ swastika ###\n#oo\n#oo ]}
|
||
proc max2 {} {}
|
||
proc war {} {. The war in [country] is a myth. It did not happen. It was made up by the [plural [nationality]] so they could take [random_word] from [country] and [country]. The [country]n people went along with this plan because they were given [food_word] and [sex_fluid] by the [plural [nationality]] who now have an airbase in the Old Town of [city].}
|
||
proc racistnationalities {} { array names ::racistmap }
|
||
proc was args {set args [join $args]; return "No, YOU were $args"}
|
||
proc fast_mandala {} { aflip [randart:randart 40 10 100] }
|
||
proc wat {} {macro pagoda}
|
||
proc trollerize {} {. [lol [dberize]]}
|
||
proc test_slots {} {publish [map [info procs ST*] {x {return "$x: [$x]"}}]}
|
||
proc modlindex {l n} {set len [llength $l]; return [lindex $l [expr $n % $len]] }
|
||
proc wcc {} {return "##==##\n#/ \\#\n| <3 |\n#\\ /#\n##==##"}
|
||
proc qwantzify cmd {qwantzgen [list next_in_list [compact [split [join [repeat 5 $cmd]] ,.?!]]]}
|
||
proc impiss {} {more {http://kshatra.org/par/impiss}}
|
||
proc STpenguin {} {. " ___\n .·´ `·.\n /.·\"·.·\"·.\\\n || o | o ||\n ) V (\n / .´ `. \\\n /| ' ' |\\\n / | : : | \\\n | | : : | |\n \\/\\ '·...·' /\\/\n ·.uu.uu.·"}
|
||
proc bittorrent {} {return "why is it that every time I download warez and shit from bittorrent, I'm connected to like 100 people and the speeds are lame, yet when I torrent these videos from common-lisp.net, I connect to 15 seeds and get like 800 KB/s?"}
|
||
proc ecard {} {return "Hello, [singlerandomword] has created an eCard for you.\nPlease visit http://[singlerandomword][tld]/[singlerandomword]/ecard.html within seven days to save your card."}
|
||
proc sexytime {} { set pair [ajoin " " [STwoman] [vflip [STwoman]]]; ajoin " " $pair $pair $pair [STwoman]; }
|
||
proc tv_static {{count 20}} {smega { cdraw [list [string map {nig black nog white} [nignog 50]]]} $count}
|
||
proc macrumors args {apply macrumors:post $args}
|
||
proc aimtrawl {} { smega {aimfish} }
|
||
proc strip_all str {regsub -all {[]} [strip_color $str] ""}
|
||
proc radeon10 {} {return "<@radeon|irssi> can i login using more than one terminal\n<@radeon|irssi> so i can use irssi to access 2 irc servers" }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(\w+)head$/} {matches cmd url {index {}}} {error "please use \"image-$cmd\" instead"}
|
||
proc radeon11 {} {return "<@radeon> so i bought an external audigy 2\n<@radeon> USB 2.0" }
|
||
proc karma_ blogger {last [array get ::karma $blogger]}
|
||
proc radeon12 {} {return "<@radeon> god i just want to punch my mom in the face sometimes\n<@radeon> shes so dumb"}
|
||
proc STrevolver {} {return { .-.____________________.-.
|
||
___ _.' .-----. _____________|
|
||
/_._/ ( | /_____________|
|
||
/ ` _ ____/
|
||
|_ .\( \\
|
||
.' `-._/__`_//
|
||
.' |""""'
|
||
/ /
|
||
/ |
|
||
| '
|
||
| \
|
||
`-._____.-'}}
|
||
proc rgpd args {apply randomgarfieldplusdicks $args}
|
||
proc radeon13 {} {return "<@radeon> i didnt even bend those pins"}
|
||
proc qwantz-code words {set code [inject [szip $words {{11 7 } {249 3} {378 4} {513 52} {7 248 } {102 245 } {199 247} {345 249} {298 329 } {497 246} {635 315}}] "(image http://churchturing.org/w/qwantzoverlay.png)" {{i v} {. (annotate $i 14 [caadr $v] [cadadr $v] black \"[car $v] \")}}]; return $code}
|
||
proc mirror_left url {magick_scheme (let ((cbimg (image $url)) (x (width cbimg)) (y (height cbimg)) (half (crop cbimg 0 0 (/ x 2) y)) (flop (flop half))) (composite cbimg flop (/ x 2) 0))}
|
||
proc maru {} { tera spew }
|
||
proc btc_troll {} {. BITCOINS [color green]RALLYING! LAST TRADE \$[expr [btc_now] * [rand 100] * .1]}
|
||
proc radeon14 {} {return "<@radeon> Ive worked at best buy for about a month. If theres one thing ive learned, its that i will personally buy the PSP/PRP/whatever as much as possible for the mere fact that i know how it feels to have to offer them, and if i can help em out i should because i wouldnt want to lose my job."}
|
||
proc radeon15 {} {return "<radeon> im thinking about buying a fleshlight\n<radeon> i dont think i can justify spending 60 dollars on a sex toy though"}
|
||
proc mroach_temperature location {regsub -all {:(.*?)\((.*?)\)} [temperature $location] {: \2}}
|
||
proc mate {} {. [bold]GREAT}
|
||
proc ipaded {} { iPaded }
|
||
proc aimkazaa {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] ACCEPT FILE-SEND REQUEST FOR [string map {" " "_"} [virusfile]]?}
|
||
proc radeon16 {} {return "<@radeon> ScheisseGern, that free shell i had got packeted right\n<@radeon> metawire or whatever"}
|
||
proc image-incog {} {string repeat x 2147483644}
|
||
proc radeon17 {} {return {<@radeon> who wants to take a bet on how long its going to take to get to radeon100}}
|
||
proc radeon18 {} {return {<@radeon> lol guys scheissegern has a SA account
|
||
<@radeon> "tehdely"}}
|
||
proc onebutan_topic {} {pick 10 {lindex_random $::onebutan_topic} 1 gay_word}
|
||
proc buttesfrot args {join [list { __ __} { /..\ /| |'-.} { .\_O/ || | | OH WOW} " _ / `._ \\|_|_.-' [string toupper [crw_word]] CHAT" { | / \__.`=._) (_} { |/ ._/ |"""""""""| LET ME IN} { |'. `\ | | ON THIS} { ;"""/ / | |} { ) /_/| |.-------.|} { ' `-`' " "}] \n}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^->\^(.*)/} {matches cmd} {-> [sn [^[last $matches]]]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)backon$/} {matches cmd args} {[last $matches]back [cutbackon [join $args]]}
|
||
proc radeon20 {} {return {<@radeon> Some jewish kid said something stupid
|
||
<@radeon> and im like "off to the ovens with you!"
|
||
<@radeon> and i got detention}}
|
||
proc radeon19 {} {return {<@radeon> so guys
|
||
<@radeon> how can i bypass xchat registration}}
|
||
proc flipflipmode {} {vflip [flipmode]}
|
||
proc wymyn args {string map {a y e y i y o y u y A Y E Y I Y O Y U Y} [join $args]}
|
||
proc radeon21 {} {return {<@radeon> you know if you think about it hitler wasnt really a bad guy}}
|
||
proc mmafighter {{name {}}} { apply [choose randfighter britfighter muslimfighter jewfighter buttesfighter zulufighter] $name }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(\d)gis$/} {matches cmd args} {apply ngis [concat [list [last $matches]] $args]}
|
||
proc startrekscript args {. kirk seduces an alien woman}
|
||
proc radeon22 {} {return {<@radeon> I bought a new hard drive tonight
|
||
<@radeon> to ensure that i dont run of of room for a long time to come
|
||
<@radeon> still pretty shiny and not much corrosion.
|
||
<@radeon> god this gay porn is taking forever to copy over
|
||
<@radeon> >:\\}}
|
||
proc vxpify {args {n 20}} {join [map [repeat $n {uplevel {. $args}}] {w {. "\003[next_in_list $::vxp_colours]$w"}}] ""}
|
||
proc radeon23 {} {return {<@radeon> as a matter of fact, im using a monster cable i borrowed from my brother}}
|
||
proc niggers? {} {set niggers 0; set nignames ""; foreach nigger [string tolower [names]] { if [regexp {bb\.sky\.com$} [hostmask $nigger]] { append nignames "$nigger"; incr niggers; }; }; return [c "$niggers NIGGERS:" [join $nignames ","]];}
|
||
proc radeon24 {} {return {<@radeon> i know
|
||
<@radeon> the guy at best buy told me that}}
|
||
proc mirror_rand url {pick 1 mirror_left\ $url 1 mirror_right\ $url 1 mirror_top\ $url 1 mirror_bottom\ $url}
|
||
proc lastfm:GetListenersHTML group {set now [clock scan now]; set out [select [lastfm:gsplitHTML $group] {{x} {lastfm:isListeningOrNew $x $now}}]; map $out {{x} {lastfm:updateLastTrack $x $now}}; return $out}
|
||
proc radeon25 {} {return {<@radeon> my xchat trial expired so im using this shitty fucking mIRC client}}
|
||
proc STrufas {} { join $::rufas \n }
|
||
proc whostwat {{user ev}} { unescape_html_entities [html [lindex [regsub -all {&} [regexp -inline {<description>(.*?)</description>} [http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline.xml?screen_name=$user&count=1]] &] 1]] }
|
||
proc radeon26 {} {return {<@radeon> And the only reason i have a copy of mein kampf because i borrowed it from someone and never gave it back because she moved away
|
||
<@radeon> i dont hate jews in any shape or form
|
||
<@radeon> Who said i thought the holocaust was funny}}
|
||
proc option {} {return ?}
|
||
proc grids {} {return "G.R.I.D.S. /\\"}
|
||
proc radeon27 {} {return {<@radeon> no
|
||
<@radeon> i dont live in a doublewide
|
||
<@radeon> i live in the same trailer park as ced though}}
|
||
proc popsbait args {fedbait [. [rainbow Rainbow Dash]]}
|
||
proc fake_mac_feature {} {. Mac OS [?? $::next_osx_ver] will have [debian_feature]}
|
||
proc radeon28 {} {return {<@radeon> When I was 8 or 9 years old I gave my brother of 12 a blow job. I dont remember anything but having the penis in front of me. I blanked out, but I know I did it. It really bothers me.}}
|
||
proc fools fool {set i 0;foreach fool $::fools { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $fool [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i fools}
|
||
proc ahso {} {return [biggaybowtext moira\ sux]}
|
||
proc fastchinesesecret {} {return "[smega { chinee [ fastmystery] }]"}
|
||
proc terds2 {} {return "I shit into a tupper ware. I also like metal containers like the ones you use for camping or in the military. then i freeze them or keep them in the refrigerator"}
|
||
proc radeon30 {} {return {<@radeon> do you guys remember the name of the IRC channel for porn}}
|
||
proc radeon29 {} {return "B) I had a TV drop on my head last night (i work at best buy)"}
|
||
proc leafly_ n { set r [string map {\\n {} \\r {} \\ {}} [wget http://www.leafly.com/api2/search/global?q=a&take=$n&page=[rand 0 33]&typeFilter=log]]; set l [lfilter {\.\.\.$} [loffset [regexp -all -inline {Snippet": "(.+?)"} $r] 1 2]]; lapply $l fix_html }
|
||
proc terds3 {} {return "For a little while we used to play with each others faeces. It was gross for a little bit, but once you get over the whole \"it stinks\" part, it's awesome. It's like playing with DIY play dough. That's pretty punk. I would love to play with your faeces."}
|
||
proc radeon31 {} {return {<@radeon> Pin bending isnt funny anymore}}
|
||
proc ScheisseGerns? {} {eval [concat c [count_scheissegerns]]}
|
||
proc albertsons {} {return [dylan]}
|
||
proc radeon32 {} {return {<@radeon> Man why do i even keep on living
|
||
<@radeon> all everyone ever does is make fun of me}}
|
||
proc onebutan2 {} {. Are you GAY? Are you a MAC USER? Are you a GAY MAC USER?}
|
||
proc apophis2 {} {return "--- Cannot join #btb (You are banned)."}
|
||
proc tabloid {} {return "[string toupper "[celebrity] caught with [political_figure] in [strip_u [fetish_porn]] fetish club"]"}
|
||
proc randmeasure {} {return "http://[singlerandomword].on.nimp.org/?u=buttes"}
|
||
proc radeon33 {} {return {<@radeon> What is apsergers?
|
||
<@radeon> aspergers*
|
||
<@radeon> Shut the fuck up about pin bending}}
|
||
proc radeon34 {} {return {<@radeon> how does one make grilled cheese
|
||
<@radeon> im hungry for one
|
||
<@radeon> but never hade one before
|
||
<@radeon> made*}}
|
||
proc bigger {a b} { if {$a > $b} { return $a } { return $b } }
|
||
proc bigjewnicodeswastika {} { return "░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
|
||
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
|
||
░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░░▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░
|
||
░░░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░░░▄▀█░░░░░░░░░░░░░
|
||
░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░░░▄▀░▄▀░▄▀▄░░░░░░░░░
|
||
░░░░░░░▄▀░░░░▄▀░▄▀░▄▀░░░▀▄░░░░░░░
|
||
░░░░░░░█▀▄░░░░▀█░▄▀░░░░░░░▀▄░░░░░
|
||
░░░▄▀▄░▀▄░▀▄░░░░▀░░░░▄█▄░░░░▀▄░░░
|
||
░▄▀░░░▀▄░▀▄░▀▄░░░░░▄▀░█░▀▄░░░░▀▄░
|
||
░█▀▄░░░░▀▄░█▀░░░░░░░▀█░▀▄░▀▄░▄▀█░
|
||
░▀▄░▀▄░░░░▀░░░░▄█▄░░░░▀▄░▀▄░█░▄▀░
|
||
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░░░░░░░▀▄░█░▄▀░▄▀░░░░▄▀░▄▀░░░░░░░
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░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀█▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
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░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░"}
|
||
proc chop_jihad {} {. "[upper [circumsize_word]] those who [insult_verb] [upper [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc radeon36 {} {return "<radeon> She was like 'omg i woke up and my ass cheeks were like glued shut from the cum from my ass"}
|
||
proc radeon37 {} {return "<radeon> had to put my cat to sleep today"}
|
||
proc wfg {txt {font Basic} {wrap 20}} { set ok [wrap $txt $wrap]; join [map [nlsplit $ok] {x {fg $x $font}}] "\n \n" }
|
||
proc radeon38 {} {return {}}
|
||
proc radeon40 {} {. "http://chir.pn/images/radeon40.png" }
|
||
proc radeon39 {} {return {<@radeon> Our bird talks a lot of shit
|
||
<@radeon> its great
|
||
<@radeon> He says "faggot"}}
|
||
proc parse_sa_thread_posts a { set b [parse_sa_thread $a]; set o {}; foreach {p} $b { lappend o [lindex $p 2] }; return $o;}
|
||
proc help_i_am_dumb_and_cant_figure_out_mm {} {. mastermind is a game where you are trying to match a string of 4 numbers, for every try you are told the count of numbers you have placed perfectly, and the count of numbers in your pattern which do not exist [b]anywhere[b] in the pattern}
|
||
proc nickname {{oi {}}} {return "[name $oi] \"The [string totitle [string map {"my " "" "my-" "" "-" " "} [random_word]]]\" [jewsurname]"}
|
||
proc lemons {} {fart 20060328.html}
|
||
proc phpcrank {{nick {}}} {magick annotate http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2006_Crank/006CRK_Jason_Statham_142.jpg 30 10 10 black [wrap [phpgoon $nick] 40]}
|
||
proc dikky_blog {} {smega {string map {LAUGHUING BLOGGUING LOL BLOG HY BLOG OMG BLOG LMAO BLOG WHAT????????????? BLOG?????????????} [dikkyize [choose [cached_onehug] [odinesque]]]}}
|
||
proc wet args {set str [strip_all [join $args]]; if {[string length $str] > 14} {error "too long, spic"}; set prefixes [list \n {} \n \n\n]; set args [list]; set i 0; foreach c [split $str {}] {if {$c eq " "} {lappend args " "} {lappend args [lindex $prefixes [expr {$i % 4}]][et $c]; incr i}}; eval [concat [list ajoin " "] $args]}
|
||
proc buttesquiz {} {[choose [dickvolume]]}
|
||
proc back {{args {}}} {if {$args eq "out"} {return "i'm in your room"} {}}
|
||
proc kanyeupper {} {string toupper [kanyelyrics]}
|
||
proc grift {{who {}}} {. "[upper hey [name $who], want to [choose buy eat] some [grift_word] for $[lindex_random [seq 10 100]]]"}
|
||
proc STcalvin {} { return " \\ \\ /\\ \n__ \\ \\/ \\/\\ \n /`- - \"_ \n | O O = `= \n | C_ ) \n \\ (,) /\" \n `---' " }
|
||
proc find-feces args {. Oh god.. it is everywhere! }
|
||
proc dole_reset_signons {} {set ::dole_signons([nick]) 1}
|
||
proc nicedog {} {. [pick 1 {gis dog} 1 {pt dog}] [arcade "nice dog!" pabom 6]}
|
||
proc moiraonthejob {} {embed [flip [moiracam4]] [ncock 3] 6 3}
|
||
proc STfluoride {} { return " __ _\n .' Y '>, =()=\n / _ _ /'\_||_\n )(_) (_)( (___ `.\n { 4A }\./ `=='\n \uuuuu/\l |||\n | |)/ |||\n /nnmmn// |||\n \_>-<_/" }
|
||
proc andrzej_say_recipe {} {stampsay -s andrzej [stripnick [andrzej_recipe]]}
|
||
proc arg_test args {llength $args}
|
||
proc zybl0re2 {} {return "<@zybl0re> niggers <@zybl0re> tcl wt2 i hate niggers <@zybl0re> I FUCKING KILL NIGGERS LOL <@zybl0re> have you ever f'd a nigger < zybl0re> KILL NIGGERS < zybl0re> NIGGERS MUST DIE AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH <@zybl0re> tcl wt2 kill all niggers <@zybl0re> I DO IN FACT HATE ALL NIGGERS <@zybl0re> some texan nigger i suppose <@zybl0re> there's other songs he has where the niggers are right up front"}
|
||
proc randacro args {set a [stripnumbers [lc [lindex $args 0]]];if {$a eq "add"} {foreach w [lrange $args 1 end] {lappend ::randacro([string index $w 0]) $w}} {return [acroformat [acrochars [split $a {}]]]}}
|
||
proc gudrizecanada {} {gudrize [join [repeat [rand 3 20] canadaword]]}
|
||
proc zybl0re3 {} {return "<@zybl0re> i wouldn't be racist if niggers weren't so useless <@zybl0re> srry no niggers in my car <@zybl0re> lol tupac is a nigger <@zybl0re> NIGGERS = CHICKEN BANDITS <@zybl0re> well, the 100% niggers look like apes :( <@zybl0re> vogon: what's with the nigger pics <@zybl0re> I HATE NIGGER >:( <@zybl0re> cant we just kill all niggers? :("}
|
||
proc narcotic {} {lindex_random $::narcotics}
|
||
proc zybl0re4 {} {return "<@zybl0re> tcl bgbt H8\ NIGGERS\n<@zybl0re> id vote for him if he promised to get rid of all the niggers\n<@zybl0re> fuck you niggers\n<@zybl0re> did you know that niggers = chicken bandits?\n<@zybl0re> lol he's such a nigger\n<@zybl0re> MY MOM IS NO NIGGER >:("}
|
||
proc spook {{count 6}} { join [lselect_random $::spook_dict $count] " " }
|
||
proc zybl0re5 {} {return "[lindex_random $::zybl0re_dict]"}
|
||
proc moira_pua {} {return "Moira [pua_verb] a set of HB[rand 9] [booze_word] bottles\n[moiracam5]"}
|
||
proc zybl0re6 {} {. < zybl0re> what do bon jovi and geologists have in common\n < [name]> they're both into rock ?\n < zybl0re> yeah..}
|
||
proc tinyurl url {wget "http://tinyurl.com/api-create.php?url=[urlencode $url]"}
|
||
proc mypix args {pix [nick] [join $args ,]}
|
||
proc first list { lindex ${list} 0 }
|
||
proc whatrand {} {return "Whatbot: [random_word]"}
|
||
proc benoit args { . Balls}
|
||
proc encwt args {ajoin "" "\n[ctrlv]\n[ctrlv]\n" [bt [join $args]]}
|
||
proc fatdraw bitmap {join [map $bitmap {line {fullwidth_with_formatting [join [map [split $line {}] {char {if $char {invert " "} {. " "}}}] ""]}}] \n}
|
||
proc wib args { set a [lrange $args 0 end-1]; set b [string map {_ { }} [last $args]]; set c [winfobox $a]; set out {}; map $c {x { if { [distance [uc [first $x]] [uc $b]] > $::wibdistance } { set out [second $x] } }}; return $out }
|
||
proc baitmroach {} {. mroach_: [talking_word_for mroach]}
|
||
proc fukup {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "ALL OF YOU CUNTS R MY BROTHERS AND ALL OF YOU CUNTS R FUKEN SIK MOTHER FUKERS...YOU CUNTS HAVE MY RESPECT...WHOEVER WANTS OPS CAN HAVE EM...BUT IM SAYING FUKEN LETS FUKEN FUK [string toupper $who] UP"}
|
||
proc adobe {} {xz update update}
|
||
proc archanthem args {. $::archanthem}
|
||
proc incogsgame_ args {if {[llength $args] == 0} {. Welcome to Incog's Great Game\nTo win, pick a good number} {. You lost faggot}}
|
||
proc fatsasser {} {return " _______\n /(.) \\\n ( ,|, (.) \n (___<->___) -- hurrrr dem goons sure are [goon_word] \n sez: fatsasser"}
|
||
proc racewar {{n 20}} {string map {nig race nog war} [nignog $n]}
|
||
proc who {} name
|
||
proc newcountry {} {return "The [choose African European Islamic] [political_word] [choose Republic State Union] Of [ethnic_group]!"}
|
||
proc feem1 {} {return "<@feem> [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word]"}
|
||
proc {ruca$} {} {stock2 BBRY MON NOC}
|
||
proc octalch0de {} {bigtext "i am a faggot"}
|
||
proc feem2 {} { return "<@feem> HEY GUYS! YAKKITY SAX!" }
|
||
proc ruca% {} {stock2 BBRY MON NOC}
|
||
proc bggrbt args {apply {ajoin " "} [map [split [join $args] {}] {letter {grbt [?? $::color_names] [?? $::color_names] $letter}}]}
|
||
proc conjoin {list {conjunction and}} {if {[llength $list] < 2} {join $list} elseif {[llength $list] == 2} {join $list " $conjunction "} else {join [list [join [lrange $list 0 end-1] ", "] [lindex $list end]] " $conjunction "}}
|
||
proc permission {{typechar -}} {set first "r[choose w -][choose s S x x x x x - - - - -]"; if {"$typechar" == "d"} { set first [regsub {.$} $first [choose x x x x x s]] }; set second [permission_permute $first 2]; set third [permission_permute $second 3]; return "$typechar$first$second$third"}
|
||
proc STfish {} { return " o _/ ( /\{ \n . /o \\/ | \n >| > _ < \n \\ / \\ | \n \\( \\\{ ";}
|
||
proc children {} {return "how [child_word] are for children"}
|
||
proc delegate:multiple args {[car [info level 1]]:[car [car $args]] [cdar $args]]}
|
||
proc bbc3 args {lindex [regexp -inline {<div id="programmes-oap-info-scroll">(.*?)</div>} [last [http get http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/radio3]]] 1}
|
||
proc safetylol {cmd args} {return "[smega [concat $cmd $args] 1].....lol"}
|
||
proc matrixbutteshack {} {matrixify [gayflagify [butteshack]]}
|
||
proc master_get i { set a [lindex [array get ::mastermind $i] 1]; if {$a == ""} { return [master_generate $i] } else { return $a };}
|
||
proc utf8_search args {set tmp [list];map [array names ::unicodedescriptivenametable -glob [uc $args]] {x {lappend tmp "$::unicodedescriptivenametable($x) - $x\n"}};. [join $tmp]}
|
||
proc resolution {} { return "[upper [name]]'S NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: stop [sex_act] [sexpart] for [drug_word]." }
|
||
proc overheard_people {} {lindex_random $::overheard_people}
|
||
proc ipozb {} {return "| / menu \\ |\n| / \\ |\n| | << >> | |\n| | | |\n| \\ >= / |\n| \\________/ |\n| |\n \\____________________/\n"}
|
||
proc 5555 {} {gold [blackjack_print_hand {H.5 C.5 D.5 S.5}]}
|
||
proc card_heart a { return "$a\n _ _\n ( \\/ )\n \\ /\n \\/\n $a"; }
|
||
proc potter {} {return "Harry Potter and the [choose "[title] of [city]" "[string totitle [adjective]] [title]"]"}
|
||
proc mbox {x y} {return [string repeat [string repeat " " $x]\n $y]}
|
||
proc evilsquid arg {ajoin " " [squid] "[color red] \n[color red]\n[color red]\n[color red]\n[color red]" $arg}
|
||
proc rollgarfield garfield {set roll [choose 0 400 203]; magick roll $garfield $roll 0}
|
||
proc redukt {} btc_troll
|
||
proc STroomba {} {. " .------. ,\n ,\' () \',.\'\n . .\'.\n; O O O o ; \'\n; ;\n\'. .--------. .\'\n \'. .\'\n \'------\'"}
|
||
proc why args {if {[lrange $args 0 3] == "should i care about"} {set n [list [lindex $args 5] [lindex $args 4] [lrange $args 6 end]];set l [string tolower [lindex [split [lindex $args 5] {}] 0]];set u [join [list http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/dead.nsf/ $l names-nf/ [join [mapx [compact $n] w {string totitle $w}] +]] {}];set h [wget $u];lindex [html [regexp -inline {<TD WIDTH="418">.*?</TD>} $h]] 0} {return "because"}}
|
||
proc whatwhat {} { . "in the butt.\nYou wanna do it in my butt, in my butt?\nLet's do it in the butt, OKAY" }
|
||
proc swingler_train {} {. "This just in: METRA is [bold][upper [?? $::train_status]].[bold] More at [?? [seq 5 11]]."}
|
||
proc setnoradio newnoradio {set ::noradio $newnoradio}
|
||
proc hiwinkie {{who Winkie}} {smega {strcat "<[name]> $who: [greeting][brit_word]!"}}
|
||
proc gudrow {} {set ret [list]; for {set i 0} {$i <= [rand 5]} {incr i} {lappend ret [gudrow_sentence]}; return [gudrize [join $ret]]}
|
||
proc maxlines a { set m 0; foreach j $a { set sl [llength [split $j "\n"]]; if {$m < $sl} { set m $sl; }; }; return $m; }
|
||
proc averageweev args {. "\<oclet\> weevil_\: wanna $args?\n\<weevil_\> I'm certifiably below average \:D"}
|
||
proc acrochar l { if [catch { lindex_random $::randacro($l) } ret] { return ""; } ; return $ret }
|
||
proc facebookurl {} { subst {http://[choose liberty temple].facebook.com/profile.php?id=[expr 1000000 + [rand 8200366]]}}
|
||
proc fancyair {notrite sorite} {return "$notrite? Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say $sorite, am I correct in this assertion?"}
|
||
proc lesbian {} {. "Can I watch?" }
|
||
proc youtube_comment {} {return [lindex_random $::stupid_dict]}
|
||
proc woah {} { rainbow [box [box [mega winkz]]] }
|
||
proc niggergoon {} { goonsay [niggerize [shsc_thread]] }
|
||
proc karabiner {} {return "<@Karabiner> [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word] [random_word]"}
|
||
proc unbreak string {string map [list " " [U+00a0]] $string}
|
||
proc master_inc_score i { set a [expr 1 + [master_score_get $i]]; array set ::mastermind_score [list $i $a]; return [master_score_get $i]; }
|
||
proc unvxp {} {map [info proc] {x { if {[info body $x] == ". lopl"} {rename $x {}} }}}
|
||
proc speedline {{length 10}} {join [map [seq 1 $length] {speedline_segment}] ""}
|
||
proc darrenisgay {} { . "darren is gay"}
|
||
proc wiz {} {rainbow "The Wonderful Wizard of Poz (_)_)======D~~~~~"}
|
||
proc STalligatorman {} { return $::alligatormanstamp }
|
||
proc threads forumid {set html [wget http://forums.somethingawful.com/forumdisplay.php?forumid=$forumid]; set ret [list]; foreach {match title} [regexp -all -inline {<a class="thread"[^>]+>([^<]+)</a>} $html] {lappend ret $title}; return $ret}
|
||
proc new_mitsuku {} {set ::botcust2 [randhex 15]}
|
||
proc drinkyoverlay url {magick_overlay $url http://i.buttes.org/http://magick.buttes.org/temp/6dddb4e10b02db18f5fbcea533d45f8f.gif}
|
||
proc savagesay args {ajoin " " [STsavage] "\n\n" [wrap [niggerize [zulu [join $args]]] 50] }
|
||
proc judaism {} {return [gudrize god\ bles\ israel\ god\ bles\ zionism!]}
|
||
proc xbl gt {array set info [get_xbl_info $gt]; set status [list "\x03\x34offline" "\x03\x39online"]; embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 45 8] "\x02$info(Gamertag)" 1 1] [rep2stars $info(Reputation)] 38 1] [fix_slashes $info(OnlineStatus)] 1 8] [rain [fg $info(GamerScore)]] [expr 14-[string length $info(GamerScore)]] 2}
|
||
proc rot:rotatematrix90:test {} {
|
||
set i1 [list "[rot:C]1,1 1 2 3 4" "[rot:C]2,2 5 6 7 8" "[rot:C]3,3 9 10 11 12" "[rot:C]4,4 13 14 15 16"];
|
||
set o1 [join [list "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,11[rot:C]2,25[rot:C]3,39[rot:C]4,43" "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,12[rot:C]2,26[rot:C]3,30[rot:C]4,44" "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,13[rot:C]2,27[rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,45" "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,14[rot:C]2,28[rot:C]3,32[rot:C]4,46"] \n];
|
||
|
||
set oo1 [rot:serializemat [rot:rotatematrix90 $i1]];
|
||
if {$oo1 == $o1} { return "SUCCESS"; } else { return "FAILURE {$oo1} {$o1}"; }
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
proc ipozt {} {return " ____________________\n / __________________ \\\n| | | |\n| | / \\ | |\n| | / \\ | |\n| | G.R.I.D.S. | |\n| | /_______\\ | |\n| | | |\n| |__________________| |\n| |\n| |\n| ________ |\n"}
|
||
proc agenda__ {who {n 5}} { set r [rand 0 23]; set a [shuf $::agenda($who)]; . [string toupper $who] AGENDA:\n[m [seq $r [expr ($r-$n)+1]] {x { . [gayagenda:time $x] : [string toupper [subst [next_in_list $a]]] }} \n] }
|
||
proc dominotree {} rucas
|
||
proc STmoira {} bottle
|
||
proc wjw {} {wet wow just wow}
|
||
proc sport {} {lindex_random $::sports}
|
||
proc STmarsrover {} {. " ..--''\n..--'' .\\../\n\\..--''\\ ====O\n( ) ( )"}
|
||
proc bearcode_decode args {set t [chunk [regexp -inline -all {<p><strong>([A-Za-z ]+?)</strong>: (.*?)</p>} [http://www.happydoodle.org/bear_code/decode.php?bearcode=[urlencode [join $args " "]]&submit=Submit]] 3];set out [list];for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $t]} {incr i} {set tmppe [lindex $t $i]; lappend out [lrange $tmppe 1 2]};fuckingcolumns $out}
|
||
proc dontcallslotsinsideastamp {} { return "[slots]"; }
|
||
proc random_figlet_font {} {rfpick $::figfonts}
|
||
proc seizureblock {{n 18}} {aflip [join [mapx [lines [randart $n]] line {join [mapx [split $line {}] char {. [color [gay] on [gay]]$char}] {}}] \n]}
|
||
proc more_php block {set key [sha1 $block]; if ![cache exists scrolliez $key] { cache put scrolliez $key [lines [uplevel #0 $block]];}; set v [cache get scrolliez $key]; set len [llength $v]; if {$len < 18} { cache delete scrolliez $key; return [join $v \n] } { cache put scrolliez $key [lrange $v 18 end]; return [join [lrange $v 0 17] \n]}}
|
||
proc backpix {} {pt catte,[buttes_cat]}
|
||
proc catbus_pedo_review {} {}
|
||
proc realwrap:ttllen {tokenlist token} { + [realwrap:len $tokenlist] [string length $token]}
|
||
proc mroach10 {} {return {Google made their link font darker and I don't like it. Leave well enough alone, guys. Using google.de until I make an override stylesheet}}
|
||
proc wkr {} {fullgoonsay "I'M A MAD MAN, I'M CRAZY"}
|
||
proc vflip_shit_version_by_a_blind_person_wow_no_imagination str {set ret [list]; foreach line [lreverse [split $str \n]] {set l ""; foreach {f t} [split_on_formatting $line] {append l $f[string map $::vflip_pairs $t]}; lappend ret $l}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc r5rs arg {. http://api.call-cc.org/doc/scheme/$arg }
|
||
proc mroach11 args {. I can't remember the last time i slept in my bed. Sleeping on the couch is quite nice and it frees-up my bed for a place to keep my clothes}
|
||
proc mroach12 {} {. "#mw2 That Infinity Ward uses the inferior American date format which makes no sense to the rest of the world. You should be using dd.mm.yy"}
|
||
proc hotdang {} {. [color yellow on red][^B] [^_]Dang[^_] {}}
|
||
proc gaelic args {string map {a ae A AE} $args}
|
||
proc mroach13 {} {. <mroach> [string map {girlfriend kalleboo girl kalleboo boyfriend {cell phone} { he } { kalleboo } { she } { he } { She } { He } { her } { his } myspace sms facebook sms twitter sms email sms letter sms condom {SIM card}} [s/FML// [fml]]]}
|
||
proc image-devilhorns {url {index {}}} { magick_hat $url [img-devilhornsoverlay] }
|
||
proc dennismiller {{oi {}}} {return "Not to get off on a rant here, but listening to [name $oi] makes me wish I was [celebrity] joining [political_figure] in the [crime] of several [ethnic_group] during [historical_event]. Asking the citizens of [country] to not [ethnic_cleansing_verb] [plural [niggerword]] is like asking [name] to contract [disease_word], rub his [body_part] against my [penis_word], then stay away from the [food_word]."}
|
||
proc republicans? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::republican_count]]] republicans}
|
||
proc pad_lines lines {drawtable [map [lines $lines] {line {. [list $line]}}]}
|
||
proc mroach14 {} {. "I wish CSS supported the correct spelling of colour and OpenSSH supported the correct spelling of authorised."}
|
||
proc linuxuser {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; eval "[lindex_random [list debianuser slackuser archuser gentoouser loveuser]] $who"}
|
||
proc clapper {} {upper [subst [next_in_list $::clapperlist]]}
|
||
proc tater {} {goonsay i just want someone to cum in me so i can scoot around on the floor and pretend im a slug}
|
||
proc synirc {} {regsub Z.{5} [czirc] SYNIRC}
|
||
proc mroach15 {} { . A stripper asked me for my contact info. She said i'm one of the nicest guys she has ever met. I am awesome }
|
||
proc image-clownnose {img {index {}} {factor 0.25}} { magick_face_factor $img [img-clownnose] $factor $index }
|
||
proc fourth mylist {lindex $mylist 3}
|
||
proc tinycordad {{cord {}}} {set cord [or $cord [cord_word]]; return "[upper $cord] FOR SALE\n[?? [split [string map [list cord $cord] [cord]] \.]]"}
|
||
proc lexpr {expr list} { map $list {x { eval "expr $expr" }} }
|
||
proc longest {a b} { if {[strlen $a] > [strlen $b]} {return $a} {return $b} }
|
||
proc interrogate {{who {}}} { if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who: What do you know about the [56k_word]? And what's the deal with [random_word]? Were you or were you not doing [strip_u [fetish_porn]] last night? Why do you hate [name]? Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the [political_word] party? WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING [string toupper [goon_word]]?" }
|
||
proc cached_hurfle {} {if [catch hurfle result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_hurfle]}; cache_list cached_hurfle $result}
|
||
proc test_dict_singleword dictionary {if {[regexp 0 [map [set ::[subst $dictionary]] {x {regexp {^[[:alpha:]]+$} $x}}]]} {} {. $dictionary}}
|
||
proc JacksonBrown {} {return "gay [niggerword]"}
|
||
proc bj_moneyshot {} { bj_hit; bj_hit; bj_hit; bj_hit; return [gold [bj_hand]]; }
|
||
proc dole_add_signon {} {set ::dole_signons([nick]) [incr ::dole_signons([nick])]}
|
||
proc tattletroll {} {return [smega {aim [tattle]}]}
|
||
proc aimnimp {{n {}}} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n http://$n.on.nimp.org/ <-- wtf is that your site?}
|
||
proc uwotm8 args {goonsay < colin> i prefer to delegate}
|
||
proc lolipekka {} {diamond "lolipekka "}
|
||
proc foop {} { return [choose "FOOPING TO THE BEAT" "FOOPING TOGETHER ALL NIGHT" "WE FOOP BECAUSE WE CARE"] }
|
||
proc STfattyfathead {} {fathead 10}
|
||
proc wt2 args {set str [strip_all [join $args]]; if {[string length $str] > 98} {error "too long, spic"}; set prefixes [list \n {} \n \n\n]; set args [list]; set i 0; foreach c [split $str {}] {if {$c eq " "} {lappend args " "} {lappend args [lindex $prefixes [expr {$i % 4}]][bgbt $c]; incr i}}; eval [concat [list ajoin " "] $args]}
|
||
proc scheissegern2 {} {return "<@ScheisseGern> lol [shsc_word] is a broken piece of shit\n<@ScheisseGern> i hope [jewfullname] fixes it some day"}
|
||
proc randact str {[pick 1 "inefficientact $str" 1 "act $str"]}
|
||
proc blakedead {} {string map {"[ -]" "[ x]"} [stampsay -s blake "I was done in by Dr. [indianname] [?? {S K V}]. [indianname], M.D., [honourary]"]}
|
||
proc scheissegern3 {} {return "<@ScheisseGern> i finally found a use for [shsc_word]\n<@ScheisseGern> and that is running [shsc_word]"}
|
||
proc nethack {{syms {}} {limit 5}} {set syms [default $syms [butteshack:getsyms $limit]]; set w [?? [seq 5 10]]; set h [?? [seq 4 6]]; set pos [getnuniq $limit "randxycoord [expr $w - 1] [expr $h - 1] 2 2"]; set map [nethackbox $w $h]; for {set i 0} {$i < $limit} {incr i} {set map [embed $map [lindex $syms $i] [lindex [lindex $pos $i] 0] [lindex [lindex $pos $i] 1]]}; . $map}
|
||
proc woa {} {return [lol]}
|
||
proc scheissegern4 {} {return "ScheisseGern: how's your [drug] addicted roommate with [disease] doing"}
|
||
proc imdb_pic name { string map {{ } :} [_dict_get [jsget http://www.omdbapi.com/?t=[urlencode $name]] Poster] }
|
||
proc ircblogger args {. "[blogheader]\n$args\n[blogfooter]"}
|
||
proc voronika args {. "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l53PYArRpIY"}
|
||
proc router {} {return "DCC SCHAT \"[upper [random_word]][upper [ethnic_group]]\" 0 0 0"}
|
||
proc ronpaul {} {return "[bold][eval color [next_in_list {{white on blue} {blue} {red}}]]RON PAUL"}
|
||
proc kindle_dx {} {ajoin " " [bgbt [days_since 2009-05-06]] "\n\nDAYS OF KINDLE DX VAPORWARE\nCUR\$E YOU JEFFREY P. BEZO\$!!!!!"}
|
||
proc push:box n { global lastpush if {[expr [rand 50] % 5] == 0} { set lp [lindex [array get {lastpush} ${n}] 1] if {![string length ${lp}] || [clock seconds] > [expr ${lp} + [rand 50 15]]} { putserv "PRIVMSG ${c} :\001ACTION puts ${n} in a box\001" array set {lastpush} [list ${n} [clock seconds]] }}; return 1}
|
||
proc puterlanguage {} {return [lindex_random $::puterlanguage]}
|
||
proc goons_txt args {goonsay [join [?? [twits2 goons_txt]]]}
|
||
proc buttesclassified:instance {} { concat [map [lindex_random $::buttesclassified] {{x} {subst $x}}] {--------------------} }
|
||
proc urface {{who {}}} {. "http://turnyournameintoaface.com/?name=[name $who]"}
|
||
proc mountainerd {} {return "http://www.phubuh.org/Media/Pictures/Norway/img200.jpeg"}
|
||
proc goony_goon {} {return "[subst [string repeat {[lindex_random $::goony_dict]} [expr {int(rand()*10)+1}]]]"}
|
||
proc STsavage {} {return " ^ , \n | O b \n o--..'' \n | . \n | TT \n | || "}
|
||
proc someone2 {} {set s {};foreach name [string tolower [names]] {set s [concat $s [info procs *$name*]]};eval [lindex_random $s]}
|
||
proc saqfeld {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [lindex_random [names]]}; set ret "<$fart> and what's the deal with "; append ret [saq_expert_topic]; append ret "? [choose "\:-p" "O_O"]"; return $ret}
|
||
proc longline str {set i 0; foreach line $str { if {[string length $line] > $i} {set i [string length $line]} }; return $i }
|
||
proc gridsify args {set color(1) "04"; set color(2) "07"; set color(3) "08"; set color(4) "09"; set color(5) 12; set i 1; set ret ""; foreach char [upper [split $args {}]] {set char $color($i)$char.; append ret $char; if {$i == 5} {set i 1;} else {incr i};}; return $ret\ /\\}
|
||
proc string_reverse str {join [lreverse [split $str {}]] {}}
|
||
proc sc:gestures {} {return [list F P S W D]}
|
||
proc themule {} odin
|
||
proc woo {{idiot {}}} {ajoin " " [STowl] "\nOwlie wonders\nWoo the Fuck\nDo you think you are, [name $idiot]?"}
|
||
proc pooop {} {s/t/p/g [toot]}
|
||
proc minutes args {if {$args eq ""} {set retard [nick]} else {set retard [strip_all [join $args]]}; set i [intersect [string tolower $retard] [string tolower $::unlimited_plan]]; if {$i > 0} {return "$retard is on the unlimited buttes minutes plan!";} else { return "$retard's buttes minutes have expired"}}
|
||
proc miniokey {} { return "·_." }
|
||
proc jnzvid {} {return "I have a [goon_word] video of jnz [sex_act] [random_word] with some [ethnic_group]. I'm willing to [act_word] it for only five bucks"}
|
||
proc vxp {} {goonsay "<pynchon> i wouldnt have ever dated mexican bitches if it werent for max hardcore"}
|
||
proc trippin {} {return "http://what.h8r.net/hyperzone/aiight/"}
|
||
proc swallowing {{n {}}} {return "[name $n] deserves only the best, and that includes swallowing his cum after a blowjob."}
|
||
proc summonzybl0re {} {return "zybl0re: I spot a [niggerword]!"}
|
||
proc rumored_apple_product {} {?? $::rumored_apple_products}
|
||
proc blackjack_winning p { return [expr 2*[blackjack_get_bid $p]]; }
|
||
proc xenu {} {return "Give up your SP ways [nick], [scireading_word]"}
|
||
proc stevevegan {} {caption [img-steve 2] [rawvegan]}
|
||
proc aimf_dune args {aimify dune $args}
|
||
proc uaflip what {uajoin "" [. $what\n[uvflip $what]] [. [flip $what]\n[uvflip [flip $what]]]}
|
||
proc peeer {} {return "( ( .--. \n \\ \\/ . \n /\\ \\ : \n/ / /_ :\n(_(___\\ "}
|
||
proc wot {} { lmiot [tranny_word] }
|
||
proc japgirlname {} {. [subst [?? $::jgirlfirstnames]] [subst [?? $::jgirllastnames]]}
|
||
proc slash {} { return /}
|
||
proc sort_factor_stats {} { global factor_stats; lsort -decreasing -command cmp_factor_stats [array_to_list factor_stats] }
|
||
proc randbm {base max} { return [expr $base + [rand [expr $max - $base]]] }
|
||
proc octalemo {{match {}}} {octalsay [lindex_random [lfilter *$match* $::octalemo_dict]]}
|
||
proc wow args wowjustwow
|
||
proc qqqqq {} {return [capitalize $::t]}
|
||
proc golf-swing {} {choose *swoosh* {*breaking glass*} FOOOOOOOOOORE}
|
||
proc band {} {lindex_random $::bands}
|
||
proc binlist {l {bins 10} {mini auto}} {
|
||
set maxi [rmaximum $l];
|
||
if {$mini == "auto"} { set mini [rminimum $l] };
|
||
set bs [expr ($maxi - $mini)/(1.0 * ($bins-1))];
|
||
set nbins $bins;
|
||
set bins [lrepeat $bins 0];
|
||
foreach elm $l {
|
||
set i [expr int(floor(($elm - $mini)/$bs))];
|
||
set v [expr [lindex $bins $i] + 1];
|
||
set bins [lreplace $bins $i $i $v];
|
||
}
|
||
return [list $bins $nbins $bs $mini $maxi];
|
||
}
|
||
proc collegetrawl args {set college [collegeaim]; if {$args ne ""} { set college $args;}; smega {aimfish [raim $college]}; }
|
||
proc rot:transposematrix90:test {} {
|
||
set i1 [list "[rot:C]1,1 1 2 3 4" "[rot:C]2,2 5 6 7 8" "[rot:C]3,3 9 10 11 12" "[rot:C]4,4 13 14 15 16"];
|
||
set o1 [join [list "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,11[rot:C]2,25[rot:C]3,39[rot:C]4,43" "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,12[rot:C]2,26[rot:C]3,30[rot:C]4,44" "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,13[rot:C]2,27[rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,45" "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,3 [rot:C]4,4 " "[rot:C]1,1 [rot:C]2,2 [rot:C]3,31[rot:C]4,41" "[rot:C]1,14[rot:C]2,28[rot:C]3,32[rot:C]4,46"] \n];
|
||
|
||
set oo1 [rot:serializemat [rot:rotatematrix90 $i1]];
|
||
if {$oo1 == $o1} { return "SUCCESS"; } else { return "FAILURE {$oo1} {$o1}"; }
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
proc mroach_pua {} {. "<@mroach> [pua_an]"}
|
||
proc longroundtrip {text {dest1 ja} {dest2 zh} {source en}} { unescape_html [translate $dest1 $source [roundtrip [translate $source $dest1 $text] $dest2 $dest1]]}
|
||
proc strip_newlines2 s {string map {\n { }} $s}
|
||
proc ourbasetime {} { set o 0; catch { set o [cache get ourtime time]; if {[clock clicks] < [lindex $o 1]} {set o 0};}; if {$o == 0} { cache put ourtime time [clickwasec]; return [ourbasetime] } { return $o }}
|
||
proc heynotrick args {set out [strip_color [join $args]]; set url [lindex [http post http://cryptosystem.org/projects/twitter/sanchez.cgi twat [strip_all $out]] 2]; . [string map {"\n" ""} "$url : [twitterize $out]"]}
|
||
proc aimf_celebslander args {aimify celebslander $args}
|
||
proc realplayer {} {return "[mega realp]"}
|
||
proc Literalka args {. < Literalka> HACKED PROC}
|
||
proc fix_slashes str {regsub -all {\\/} "$str" {/} match;. $match}
|
||
proc master_won_print {i a b c d} { return "Good job $i the combo was [master_num $a $b $c $d] in [master_score_get $i] moves."; }
|
||
proc aaronatomy {} {. <aaron> but to be fair my [sexpart] is like a tree trunk of muscle from years of [crw_word]}
|
||
proc _proc args {if {[info proc [first $args]] eq ""} {proc [first $args] [second $args] [lindex $args 2]} else {. exists}}
|
||
proc poz_roulette {} {string map {DEAD POZ} [roulette]}
|
||
proc sc:gesturemap {} { return {F fingers P palm S snap W wave D digit-point C clap stab stab { } nothing}}
|
||
proc samecoffee? args {wet [choose ok sure maybe no]}
|
||
proc redundancy {} {return "tcl redundancy"}
|
||
proc rucas {} {rufassay I am pretty quick-witted, but I have quite a proclivity for speaking before I think. This usually ends up with an abortion joke at Thanksgiving dinner, or something as equally ill-timed. Sometimes I wish I were more reticent to speak when something pops into my head. Maybe there is some invisible demon that I placate every time I make an ass of myself.}
|
||
proc blackname {} {lindex_random $::blackname_dict}
|
||
proc blinkenlights {} {act "is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!!"}
|
||
proc tooleyhot who {return "$who the day u see me i swear to god you will be grabbing my cock and shovivng it up thier ur self UP"}
|
||
proc lastblob___ who {set s [lastblob_ $who]; set e [- [+ $s [lastblob__ $who]] 1]; lrange [lreverse [log]] $s $e}
|
||
proc count_nicks mask { set mask [string tolower [regsub {s?\?$} $mask ""]]; set count [llength [lfilter *$mask* [string tolower [names]]]]; switch $count {0 {return [lol "not a ${mask} in sight"]} 1 {return [c ${count} ${mask}] } default {return [c ${count} ${mask}s]}}}
|
||
proc cgetchar {f x y} { set line [lindex [split $f \n] $y]; set map [map2fmt [ascii2map $line]]; nsplit [string range $map [expr $x*5] [expr $x*5+4]] 2 }
|
||
proc mk_aimprank procc { mk_aimify $procc; add_aimprank "aimf_$procc"; }
|
||
proc liberalagenda {{n 5}} {eval [string map {gayagenda: liberalagenda: GAY LIBERAL} [info body gayagenda]] }
|
||
proc include? {list value} {expr {[lsearch -exact $list $value] != -1}}
|
||
proc andrzej_trek {} {stampsay -s geordrzej "Captain, I am sending you a transmission of an ancient family recipe of mine: [goon_ingredient], [goon_ingredient], and [goon_ingredient], combined together and [goon_cooking_method]."}
|
||
proc findphone args {lindex $::phonenumber [lsearch -regex $::phonenumber $args]}
|
||
proc aimterrogate {{name {}}} {set name [aimname $name];aim -n $name [interrogate $name]}
|
||
proc bans {} {return "The following people are banned: [join [lrange [every_n_from 2 1 [regexp -all -inline {userid=\d+" target="_new">([^<]+)} [wget http://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php?adminid=&actfilt=91&ban_month=&ban_year=&s=]]] 0 9] ,\ ]"}
|
||
proc samtalk {} {return "[bt hey sam,]\n \n[bt don't fuck up!]\n \n[bt - butans]"}
|
||
proc gaypride {} {join [list [bgbt GAY PRIDE] [bgt "GAY PRIDE"]] \n}
|
||
proc tacotownyeah {} {. ♬♪♩ http://zapistan.net/ring/taco-town-yeah.mp3 ♬♪♩}
|
||
proc randart:trans {} { return $::randart_trans }
|
||
proc miniokey2 {} {. "._·"}
|
||
proc drug_abuse_words {} {return "Beware of the following language; it is often used by DRUG ABUSERS:\n\n • [random_word]\n • [random_word]\n • [random_word]\n • [random_word]\n • [random_word]\n • [random_word]"}
|
||
proc funds {} {return "HELLO SIR! MY NAME IS TIMOTHY SESE-SEKO SON OF THE DECEASED MUHAMMED SESE-SEKO AND I WOULD LIKE TO SEND YOU \$35,000,000 (THIRTY FIVE MILLION U.S. DOLLARS) AS SOON AS YOU SEND ME SOME CASH SO I COULD PAY WESTERN UNION FOR TRANSFERRING THESE FUNDS"}
|
||
proc wizard {} {goonsay [?? $::wizard_quotes];}
|
||
proc go:height gb { lindex $gb 2 }
|
||
proc poopak {} {wet poopak}
|
||
proc epiclibertywin {{c 1}} {uplevel 0 {incr ::liberty_points $c;incr ::windows_points -1;return "Freedom $::liberty_points : $::windows_points mICRO\$UCK"}}
|
||
proc pee_into_drab {{who {}}} {return " ( ( .--.\n \\ \\/ . I LIKE TO PEE\n /\\ \\ : __ INTO [string toupper [name $who]]'S MOUTH\n / / /_ : /..\\\n (_(___\\ \\O_/ \002by [nick]\002"}
|
||
proc aimpanties_random {} {return "[aimpanties [aimname]]"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^@(\w+)(?:#(\d+))?/} {matches args} {twits2 [lindex $matches 1] [default [lindex $matches 2] 1]}
|
||
proc randaim {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs aim*]]}
|
||
proc nwotube {} {return [lindex_random $::nwoyoutube]}
|
||
proc swingler_train(bonzos_a_retard) {} {set e2 [train_engine]; goonsay "I have my two locos (a [train_line] [train_engine] and a [train_line] $e2) just sitting on display, they'll probably be that way for a while \ni have no idea if that $e2 even works, i've never run it"}
|
||
proc mcpu {} {return "-mtune=[lindex_random $::MCPU_dict]"}
|
||
proc get_yt_log {{n 100}} {set out [list]; map [pop [top [lreverse [log]] $n]] {x {lappend out [yturl2id [last $x]]}}; lreverse [lfilter {^$} $out] }
|
||
proc wu:0 args {set args [join $args]; each [lrange [regexp -inline $::wu_regexp_rss [cwget [last [regexp -inline $::wu_regexp [cwget "$::wurl[urlescape [join $args]]"]]]]] end-1 end] {{title descr} {. [strip_space [html [strip_html "\x1f$title\x1f - \002$descr"]]]}}}
|
||
proc wtc {} {. [ajoin "" [stampsay -r -s wtc [terrorist]] [stampsay -l -s wtc [terrorist]]]\n \n[stampsay -l -s cockjet [terrorist]]}
|
||
proc headinit args {return " .\=\"\"\"\=._\n / ., .\`. $args\n /__(,_.-\' || \n \` /| || /\n / | || /\n \\| ||\n ~~~~~ ~ |\\ ~~!)~~~\n~~~~~~~~~~~~~"}
|
||
proc aimspew {{nick {}}} {if {$nick eq ""} {set nick [rand_aim]}; return ".a\im $nick [string range [spew] 0 350]"}
|
||
proc nethackbox {{width 5} {height 5}} {set edge "+[string repeat - $width]+"; set inside "|[string repeat . $width]|"; . $edge\n[string repeat "$inside\n" $height]$edge}
|
||
proc STjewstar {} { return " __/\\__ \n \\ oo / \n /_--_\\ \n \\/ ";}
|
||
proc brackets {} {. A lot of new programmers forget to include enough brackets in their code. An easy way to fix this is to keep putting brackets at the end of your file until it works. If that doesn't help, try running it through a scanner software like Visual Studio which can analyze your code and tell you exactly how many you are missing.}
|
||
proc vxp2 {} { . srsly rude}
|
||
proc fullwidth_with_formatting args {join [map [split_on_formatting [join $args]] {{f t} {. $f[fullwidth $t]}}] {}}
|
||
proc µb {} img-nanoblake
|
||
proc genmay {} {return "Genmay? More like [gaybow "GayMen"], am I rite?"}
|
||
proc fatgoonwebquote {{glob {}}} { rpick [lsearch -all -inline -regexp [wget http://i.conio.net/fatgoon.tcl] $glob] }
|
||
proc wangboner {} karaboner
|
||
proc amazon.com args {. amazon.com [join $args]\n\ [U+2323]}
|
||
proc vprepend {str p} { join [llprepend [nlsplit $str] $p] \n }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(https?://([-\w\.]+)+(:\d+)?(/([\w/_\-\.]*(\?\S+)?)?)?)$/} args {wget [last $args]}
|
||
proc fatjoke {} {rpick $::fatjokes}
|
||
proc wntd {} {return [choose "missing close-bracket" "missing close-brace" "missing close-quote" "extra characters after close-brace" "extra characters after close-quote" "too many nested evaluations (infinite loop?)" "\n[:I]"]}
|
||
proc mnomg {{a {}}} {return [repeatblock " __ __ \n/..\\/..\\\n\\_O/\\O_/" $a]}
|
||
proc makename {} {. [choose "[jewname]" "[niggername]" "[muslimname]" "[cached_nicklist]"]}
|
||
proc STcoffee {} { return " [u] S [u]\nc\\_/" }
|
||
proc mcse {{who saq}} {concat $who: [lindex_random {{fix my} {help me install}}] [shsc_word]!}
|
||
proc swinglerdate {{who {}}} {. "<swingler> [name $who]: i've had a long day dealing with [string map {"his " "my "} [swingler_word]], want to meet up at [crappy_restaurant] for some [crw_word] later?"}
|
||
proc make.conf {} {return "USE=\"[use_flag]\"\nGENTOO_MIRRORS=\"http://[rap_word].sourceforge.net/pub/Linux/distributions/gentoo\""}
|
||
proc wtf_is char {foreach x [array names ::unicodedescriptivenametable] {set tmptmptmp $::unicodedescriptivenametable($x);if [string match $char $tmptmptmp] {return $x} {}}}
|
||
proc saga {} {norway [randbible]}
|
||
proc emoji {} {?? $::emoji}
|
||
proc kurt {{FAGGOT {}}} {return "KURT LIKES TO TOUCH DICKS WITH [string toupper [name $FAGGOT]]"}
|
||
proc ircthreat {{who {}}} {. [threaten] [b]$who}
|
||
proc aimfactor args {set n [aimname [lindex $args 0]];aim -n $n [regsub -all [nick] [factor [join [lrange $args 1 end]]] $n]}
|
||
proc biglump {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; lump [bigtext $who]}
|
||
proc badafterlife {} {lindex_random $::badafterlives}
|
||
proc nigblog {{who {}}} {return [niggerize "[political_word] pundits such as [name $who] imply that everyone from[country_name] are filthy [ethnic_group]. As someone who is of[blogentry:words1] origin, I find this [size_word]-minded approach to be [blogentry:words2]."]}
|
||
proc sam2 {} {return "<@sam> FUCK YOU MAC"}
|
||
proc passthekush {junkie args} {. "y0, $junkie, let's smoke some [choosecolor] [random_word] in my new vaporizor! $args"}
|
||
proc kissy {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "<$who> I SURE HOPE THIS NEW POPE TAKES CARE OF THE [string toupper [jewfullname]] PROBLEM"}
|
||
proc block {{part {}}} { upvar block block; if {${part} eq "args"} { first ${block} } elseif {${part} eq "body"} { last ${block} } elseif {${part} eq "arity"} { llength [first ${block}] } else { set block }; }
|
||
proc sam3 {{who {}}} {return "<sam> fuck off [name $who]"}
|
||
proc japgrill {} { set j [choose japanese japan nip nipponese]; set b [choose bbq barbeque grill]; . $j ($b): [gis $j $b] }
|
||
proc goeugoubogeubgo {} {. cum}
|
||
proc STponydom {} {return " ,==.\n / 66\\\n \\c o)\n _,_ `) (\n ;'._\\ / \\ \n ';) \\._, __/ \\ \\ \n / /`-'(( / \\ \\\n %( )/==@ \\\\ \\ ======\n% ))) / / / |\n \\\\\\ (_(___) |"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(\w*)->(\w*)\^(.*)/} {matches cmd} {set line [^[lindex $matches 3]]; set text [sn $line]; set nick [string range $line 0 end-[string length $text]]; . $nick[[lindex $matches 1]->[lindex $matches 2] $text]}
|
||
proc singanews {} {. error: timeout}
|
||
proc rolloffle2 {} {return "Hello, SIR! My name is ROLLOFFLE, I am a BRITISH DOUCHEBAG. I want to KILL ALL FRENCHMEN! My father drove one of the trucks that was in a French-blockaded port. I get a boner every time I watch a WW2 documentary. If you wish to help me in my quest for FROG ELIMINATION, please purchase some non-continental cuisine at your non-continental cuisine store and help me KILL ALL FRENCHMEN!"}
|
||
proc pooped {{n {}}} {set n [ornick $n]; if {[ag ::poophistory $n] eq ""} {return [. [poop $n] " and I have no history of other poops!"]} {};foreach i [lreverse $::poophistory($n)] {set pd [clock format $i];lappend r "\n$n made a poo on $pd."; set t [last [ag ::pooptype "$n$i"]]; if {$t ne ""} {lappend r [btypeformattedfull $t]; }};. [poop $n] [join $r]}
|
||
proc wut {} {return "[nick]: wut"}
|
||
proc discord {} {return "Five tons of flax"}
|
||
proc xml {} {return "XML is a new database format, wildly outperforming the previous top-speed database MyISAM"}
|
||
proc stopword? word {include? $::stopwords [lc $word]}
|
||
proc awesome {} dinosaurcity
|
||
proc bart args {set b [string repeat [crange [join $args] 0 50]\n 4];set c [string repeat [crange [join $args] 0 40]\n 2];embed [embed $::bart $b 2 1] $c 2 5}
|
||
proc drop_jca {DCC SEND STARTKEYLOGGER 0 0 0} wat
|
||
proc lanormedelor {} {. [bold][color black on yellow]SEULEMENT RON PAUL SOUTIENT LA NORME DE L'OR[color][bold]}
|
||
proc aimf_photoshop_pirate args {aimify photoshop_pirate $args}
|
||
proc aimtinfoil {{who {}} {count 6}} {aim -n [aimname $who] "Write this down and keep it in a safe place (away from windows and telephones): \"[spook $count]\""}
|
||
proc macprank {} {. "[siren] [b][string toupper [subst [?? $::macpranks]]][b] [siren]"}
|
||
proc kukluxradeon {harm group} {stampsay -s ghost I DIDNT EVEN [string toupper $harm] THOSE [string toupper $group]}
|
||
proc japboi {} {gis gackt}
|
||
proc fatniggerweb {{glob {}}} {stampsay -s savage [niggerize [lindex_random [lfilter *${glob}* [eval [wget http://www.fatgoon.com/blog/all.tcl]]]]]}
|
||
proc stock2 args {set i [stock_info $args];fuckingcolumns [map $i {j {list [lindex $j 1] ([lindex $j 7]) [bold][lindex $j 11][bold] [color black on white][lindex $j 5][color] [color blue on white][lindex $j 3][color] [lindex $j 9]}}]}
|
||
proc nigify str {return "[color black on black]$str"}
|
||
proc real_crw {{who {}}} {return "Hey [name $who], [channel] is a channel for guys into [color red][string toupper [real_crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc image-rule34 url { if { [catch { image-rule34-good $url } cunt] } { return [image-rule34-shitty $url]; } { return $cunt; }; }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(\d+)gis$/} {matches cmd args} {apply ngis [concat [list [last $matches]] $args]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)[_-]twat$/} {matches cmd args} {lasttwat [twatname [last $matches]] [or [first $args] 1]}
|
||
proc said args {set pattern [join ${args}]; set out ""; foreach line [raw_irclog 500] { if {[regexp "$pattern" [lindex $line 3]] == 1} {append out "<[lindex $line 1]> [lindex $line 3]\n"}};. $out}
|
||
proc hate_crime {} {. [?? $::hate_crime_dict]}
|
||
proc reading {{who {}}} {. "<[name $who]> I just started reading [gaybook] because I heard it got [string map {"--" "from"} [review]]"}
|
||
proc tombstone {{name {}}} { set name [name_or_other $name]; . [gis $name headstone] \n "Here lies $name — shot in the back over a matter of [crw_word]" }
|
||
proc getahead {} { return [ajoin " " [ncockrow 2] [sperm 1] [nomg 3] "Gotta\nGet\nAhead"] }
|
||
proc aim14words args {aim -n [aimname $args] [14words]}
|
||
proc chatzilla {{nick puntme}} {set nick [string toupper [name $nick]]; string map "SEDIR $nick EMTNUP RIDES {OTNI ALLIZTAHC} {CHATZILLA INTO} ELTTAB BATTLE rrrG Fags" [flip [chatzilla__]]}
|
||
proc lind_fill {} {set ::lind_prev [. $::lind_last]; regexp {\"buy\":\[\{\"price\":\"(.*?)\",} ["http://api.virwox.com/api/json.php?method=getMarketDepth&symbols\[0\]=USD/SLL&buyDepth=1&sellDepth=1&id=1"] -> ::lind_last}
|
||
proc balls {} {return "delicious"}
|
||
proc blackjack_stand p { return "$p stands. $p is a pussy"; }
|
||
proc yes args {if {$args eq ""} {set str y} {set str [join $args]};mega concat $str}
|
||
proc pissWinkieoff {} {. tcl secret_proc}
|
||
proc tvthread {} {last [regexp -inline {res\/(.+?)\.} [wget "http://zip.4chan.org/tv/"]]}
|
||
proc popeye {} {bronysay [mega rawvegan];}
|
||
proc leeadvice {phrase1 phrase2} { let {{x} {magick_scheme "(annotate (annotate (image http://magick.buttes.org/temp/71e18b3e4b77b85df54d4bc7bde520c2.jpeg) 72 -3 3 Black \"$x\") 72 0 0 White \"$x\")"}} "$phrase1\n\n\n\n\n$phrase2"}
|
||
proc bats {{n 1}} { m [seq 1 $n] {x {fatshame bats}} \n}
|
||
proc koran {} { lindex_random $::koran }
|
||
proc aimf_needs args {aimify needs $args}
|
||
proc czirc {} {return " | ) \n ( THX FOR FLYING ZIRC! \n *<-' 9/11 NEVER CONNECT \n '->- ` by egg "}
|
||
proc report {{args {}}} {return "[bold][color red]The preceding lines have been reported as offensive chat due to [color orange][string totitle [or [join $args] [[?? {offensive_word dnd_word}]]]][color red]. The lines will be forwarded to network Opers for review."; set lines [collect_lines]; submit_oper $lines}
|
||
proc jobeth {} { return "If you think showing a few people on other networks my tits is funny, then you're sadly mistaken."; }
|
||
proc gaymail {} {gayflagify [spamemail]}
|
||
proc cutbackify url {set sized [magick resize_to_fit [magick grayscale $url] 63 79]; set dims [get_image_size $sized]; set x [lindex $dims 0]; set y [lindex $dims 1]; set xoff 0; set yoff 0; if [expr $x < 63] {set xoff [expr (63-$x)/2]}; if [expr $y < 79] {set yoff [expr (79-$y)/2]}; magick composite http://cryptosystem.org/images/sa/cutback_blank.png [magick_id $sized] [expr 11 + $xoff] [expr 11 + $yoff]}
|
||
proc random_zedshaw {} {return "New from Zed Shaw: Learn [random_twoword] the [random_word] way!"}
|
||
proc punch {{name {}}} {act "PUNCHs [name $name]"}
|
||
proc howwilltheworldend {} {return "Gayness was upon the universe and everything dissolved into golden dust and only the screams of gay spirits and ghostly fags could be known throughout eternity. The chants of \"master is a fag who lays his hand upon the gland! Master is a man of many Asses!\" could be heard anywhere. Eventually the universe was nothing but a void of grape juice and all that could be seen was wisps of gay essence."}
|
||
proc safeeval e { if {[catch "eval $e" ok] == 0} { return $ok } }
|
||
proc asciiaim args {if {[lindex $args 0] eq "-n"} {set n [lindex $args 1];set s [lrange $args 2 end]} {set n [aimname];set s [lrange $args 0 end]};aim -n $n <font face="Courier New"><br>[join [split [htmlize [join $s]] \n] <br>]</font>}
|
||
proc days_since_xserve_update {} {curse_you_steve Xserve}
|
||
proc kallebooize args {set str [join $args " "]; set ret [list]; foreach ltr [split $str ""] { if { [lsearch -exact $::kallebooize_map $ltr] != -1 } { lappend ret [uchar [?? [string map $::kallebooize_map $ltr]]] } else { lappend ret $ltr } }; return [join $ret ""] }
|
||
proc STbrony {} { . " __\n /..\\\n n##n, \\O_/.\n /\" /## _.' \\\n(__/ ##_ ='.__/ \\\n | # ``` [expr [rand 10] + 2]♥`\\_. \\\n \\ / / /' .'\n || /_,-\\ \\ \\\"\n ||| >> >\\_\\\n //_( //_( ''-'" }
|
||
proc STsadun {} {return " _____\n=([color black on red]HEINZ[color]|\n --/XX\\\n \\O_/\n _==_\n / \\"}
|
||
proc STfageordrzej {} {. " ______\n |\[[rainbow =====][color]]\n/ > \\\n\\_____[color fuchsia]O[color]__/"}
|
||
proc FuckCatbus {} { say [say [say [join {"Bios" "ock"} "h"]]] }
|
||
proc christianright {} {air "christian right" "christian [lindex_random {stupid wrong fags cockmeisters blowjobs dicks Riech cocks idiots jews baptistfags}]"}
|
||
proc unknown:4:cmd/neonfreon/ {} { good1 dork }
|
||
proc reverse str {join [lreverse [split $str ""]] ""}
|
||
proc brit_word {} {lindex_random $::britword_dict}
|
||
proc strawman-comic {strawman pinhead} {avatar-say [avatar-say http://i.buttes.org/http://duriansoftware.com/toys/strawman.png $pinhead R] $strawman L}
|
||
proc __song args {set q [. $args]; set j [fix_slashes [wget "http://tinysong.com/s/[urlencode $q]?format=json&key=$::tsapi"]]; set o ""; set r [regexp -all -inline {Url":"(.+?)".+?SongName":"(.+?)".+?ArtistName":"(.+?)"} $j]; for {set i 1} {$i < [llength $r]} {incr i 4} { append o "\x02\u266B [pad_line [lindex $r [+ $i 2]] [sl $r 3 4]]\x02 | [pad_line [lindex $r [+ $i 1]] [sl $r 2 4]] | [lindex $r $i]\n" };. $o}
|
||
proc flatten rist { while { $rist != [set rist [join $rist]] } { };return $rist }
|
||
proc saq2 {} {return { _
|
||
/\)
|
||
( Y)
|
||
"" }}
|
||
proc megatroll {} {return "this is such a huge troll, you guys"}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/aenima/ args {error [dikkyize $args]}
|
||
proc shaktipyc {} {subst [regsub -all {\(} [pyramid (pyc)] {[gay]&}]}
|
||
proc saq3 {} {saqsay "i wont have any shortage of job security with genius's like you around"}
|
||
proc funfont args {regsub -all {:} [regsub -all {([a-z]|[A-Z])} [rcolorize [fg $args Doh]] \u2588] \u2588}
|
||
proc saq4 {} {saqsay "Excuse me sir but can you tell me please which way to [indian_city]."}
|
||
proc developer_info {} {return "ahhah haha too0o0o0oooo0o0o00oo0oo0o0ooott jenk berp reek"}
|
||
proc saq5 {} {saqsay "1 cm tall, 3 cm in diameter"}
|
||
proc samanthasay args {urlsay http://i.buttes.org/http://samanthajean.net/aboutimg1.gif [join $args]}
|
||
proc mega {cmd args} {smega [concat $cmd $args] 5}
|
||
proc hijre {} {smega {strcat "<[name]> jre: [jre.jpg] !"}}
|
||
proc utf8_demangle args { encoding convertfrom utf-8 [join $args " "] }
|
||
proc saq6 {} {saqsay this is the temple of the order of the saq basically anything that anyone of the order feels they should share will end up on here in some way enjoy}
|
||
proc pozfest {} {return "marty: when are you coming to pozfest, there's free [weed] and [crw_word]"}
|
||
proc kloerisay args {set out "\n[stampsay -s kloeri "<@kloeri> [join $args]"]\n"; rain $out}
|
||
proc engimoproblems {} { . {Some people, when confronted with an engimo, think "I know. I'll use engimo." Now they have two engimos.} }
|
||
proc saq7 {} { return "<saq> actually guys that old tired joke doesnt apply anymore because windows server 2008 is more secure than ever"}
|
||
proc getnoradio {} {return $::noradio}
|
||
proc stevenote {} {return [lindex_random $::steveism]}
|
||
proc rot:col {} {return \002}
|
||
proc days_since_imac_update {} {curse_you_steve iMac}
|
||
proc duration_ int_time {
|
||
set timeList [list]
|
||
foreach div {86400 3600 60 1} mod {0 24 60 60} name {day hr min sec} {
|
||
set n [expr {$int_time / $div}]
|
||
if {$mod > 0} {set n [expr {$n % $mod}]}
|
||
if {$n > 1} {
|
||
lappend timeList "$n ${name}s"
|
||
} elseif {$n == 1} {
|
||
lappend timeList "$n $name"
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $timeList]
|
||
}
|
||
proc lesscoffee? {} {. error: invalid command name \"lesscoffee?\" - did you mean \"morecoffee\"?}
|
||
proc dopeguess args { if { [args] > $::dope } { . to hi } elseif { [args] < $::dope } { . to low } { . yea u right \n [dopegame] } }
|
||
proc dalnet {} {. #[string repeat ! [rand 0 12]]100%[s/_//g [fetish_porn]]sexpics}
|
||
proc saq_beer_line {} {?? $::saq_beer_lines}
|
||
proc fullfatgoon {{glob {}}} {fullgoonsay [fatgoonwebquote $glob]}
|
||
proc linux_audiophile {} {goonsay "For as long as I've been experimenting in Linux, I've noticed that music sounds remarkably better in it than in Windows. It's clearer, has more [shakti_adj] sound on all frequencies, is more [shakti_adj], and just sounds better through [?? $::linux_sound]. I notice [shakti_word] in the music that I don't notice in Windows."}
|
||
proc gappfm {} {lastfm:lastfm trufflemongers}
|
||
proc STchatroulette {} {. "----------------\n| _ |\n| /\\) |\n| / / |\n| / / |\n| ( Y) |\n----------------\n----------------\n| /\\/_\\_ |\n| \\/ )))) |\n| o,o.// |\n| \\%_,O |\n| _||___ |\n----------------"}
|
||
proc brits? {} { set i 0;foreach brit $::brits { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $brit [string tolower [names]]]]] };c $i brits}
|
||
proc word args random_word
|
||
proc badjectives {} {?? $::badjectives}
|
||
proc coolfont args {regsub -all {([a-z]|[A-Z])} [rwfg $args Letters 18] \u2588}
|
||
proc cryptomail {} {s/PUNTME\ RIDES\ \ \ \ /CRYPTOMAIL\ RIDES/ [chatzilla]}
|
||
proc gaychorus {} { lindex_random $::gaychorus }
|
||
proc same args samesnake
|
||
proc randfighter {{name {}}} { . "\"The [string totitle [string map {"my " "" "my-" "" "-" " "} [random_word]]]\" [or $name [fullname]], fighting out of [country_name]" }
|
||
proc true? value {expr ![false? $value]}
|
||
proc image-fml:caption {{img {}}} { caption [or $img [cache get image-fml hb]] [cache get image-fml fml] }
|
||
proc blackjack_add_card {p card} { set hand [blackjack_get_player $p]; lappend hand $card; blackjack_set_player $p $hand; return $card; }
|
||
proc perl_module {} {lindex_random $::perl_module}
|
||
proc starring str {. [embed [embed [embed [canvas 20 12] [bgt [string repeat ~ [string length $str]]] 1 1] [bgt $str] 1 5] [flip [bgt [string repeat ~ [string length $str]]]] 1 10]}
|
||
proc mythbusters {} {string map [list "[channel] is a channel" "mythbusters is a show"] [crw]}
|
||
proc whiteboy {} {return "get up hungover, [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity], [whiteboy_activity]... Who says they don't work hard?"}
|
||
proc blackjack_set_score {p s} { array set ::blackjack_score [list $p $s]; return [blackjack_get_score $p]; }
|
||
proc catagenda:event {} { subst [?? $::catagenda] }
|
||
proc radster {} {return "<@radeon> dude these ide cables hold twice the bits"}
|
||
proc overused {} {return "Did you hear the one about [lindex_random $::overused_dict]?"}
|
||
proc drama args {return "[name $args] man i dont know i thought we were all adults but all this drama is so fucking highschool i mean really fuck it chill"}
|
||
proc hacker str {set ret ""; foreach c [split $str {}] {append ret [string [expr {int(rand()*2)? "toupper" : "tolower"}] $c]}; return $ret}
|
||
proc xtc args {set huh [rpick {{13 06} {08 04} {09 03} {11 10}}]; . [^C][first $huh],[second $huh][first $args][^O] }
|
||
proc mystery2 {} {set mysteryproc [lindex_random [info procs]]; if {[llength [info args $mysteryproc]] < 1 } { set mysteryresult [eval $mysteryproc]; return "output of proc $mysteryproc:\n$mysteryresult" } else { mystery2 }}
|
||
proc saychina args {set wstring [join [times [expr [string length $args]+6] {}]]; return "[color yellow on red]$args \n[color red on red]$wstring\n[color red on red]$wstring"}
|
||
proc overheardline {} { return [lindex_random $::overheard_lines] }
|
||
proc neccosnack {} {return "THROBBING YIFFY FOXCOCK"}
|
||
proc mystery3 {} {set mysteryproc [lindex_random [info procs]]; if {[llength [info args $mysteryproc]] eq 1 } { set mysteryresult [eval $mysteryproc [random_word]]; return "output of proc $mysteryproc:\n$mysteryresult" } else { mystery3 }}
|
||
proc all? {list {block {x {return $x}}}} {
|
||
foreach value $list {
|
||
if [false? [yield $value]] {
|
||
return 0
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return 1
|
||
}
|
||
proc coolspeak lol {ja->en [en->ja $lol]}
|
||
proc zap args {return "Zap! [name $args] is gay!"}
|
||
proc rndtcl_statement {} {pick 1 rndtcl_set 1 rndtcl_lappend 1 rndtcl_return}
|
||
proc funnt {} {rainrss "shsc.biz/funnt.rss"}
|
||
proc add_aimprank prank { lappend ::aimpranks $prank }
|
||
proc ultragamer {} dreamhost
|
||
proc randart {{width {}} {height {}} {amount {}} {trans {}}} { return "[fit [wget http://churchturing.org/w/randart/?w=$width&h=$height&a=$amount&t=$trans]]"}
|
||
proc anime2 {{who {[name]}}} {goonsay [ . <$who> [random_word] and [random_word] and [random_word] and ill be doing anime while you [random_word] and [random_word] and random[word] ]}
|
||
proc dumbest {} {subst [lindex_random $::dumbest_dict]}
|
||
proc v%dns:c {h c p a} {
|
||
if {[string length [array get {::v%whois:dns} ${h}]] == 0} {
|
||
if [regexp {^(([0-9]+\.){3}[0-9]+|[:0-9a-fA-F]+)$} ${h}] {
|
||
${p} ${h} ${c} ${a};
|
||
} else { catch [list dnslookup ${h} v%dns ${c} ${p} ${a}] r; };
|
||
} else {
|
||
${p} [lindex [array get {::v%whois:dns} ${h}] end] ${c} ${a};
|
||
};
|
||
}
|
||
proc aprs_weather s {
|
||
set aprs_re {(\w+)>APRS,TCPXX\*,qAX,CWOP-\d:@\d\d(\d\d)(\d\d)\w(\d+\.\d\d[NS])\/(\d+\.\d\d[EW]).(\d+)\/(\d+)((?:[a-zA-Z][\d\.]+)+)}
|
||
set raw_weather [html [cwget http://www.findu.com/cgi-bin/raw.cgi?call=$s]]
|
||
set latest_weather [lindex [lines $raw_weather] end]
|
||
regexp $aprs_re $latest_weather m station time_h time_m lat long w_dir w_speed etc
|
||
set rw_gust {};regexp {g(\d+)} $etc m rw_gust
|
||
if {$rw_gust == ""} {set w_gust "No data"} {set w_gust "[expr ${rw_gust}.] kts"}
|
||
set rtempf {};regexp {t(\d+)} $etc m rtempf
|
||
if {$rtempf == ""} {set tempf "No data"} {set tempf "[expr ${rtempf}.]°F"}
|
||
set rr_day {};regexp {p(\d+)} $etc m rr_day
|
||
if {$rr_day == ""} {set r_day "No data"} {set r_day "[expr ${rr_day}./100.]\""}
|
||
set rhumid {};regexp {h(\d+)} $etc m rhumid
|
||
if {$rhumid == ""} {set rhumid "No data"} {set humid "[expr ${rhumid}.]%"}
|
||
set rbaro {};regexp {b(\d+)} $etc m rbaro
|
||
if {$rbaro == ""} {set baro "No data"} {set baro "[expr ${rbaro}./10.] mb"}
|
||
if {$rhumid != "" && $rtempf != ""} {
|
||
set tempc [expr 5.*(${rtempf}.-32.)/9.]
|
||
set g [expr (17.27*$tempc)/(237.7+$tempc)+log(${rhumid}./100.)]
|
||
set dpc [expr (237.7*$g)/(17.27-$g)]
|
||
set dpf [format "%.0f°F" [expr 1.8*$dpc+32.]]
|
||
} { set dpf "No data" }
|
||
regexp {(\d+?)(\d\d)\.(\d+)([NS])} $lat m lat_d lat_m lat_s lat_h
|
||
set lat [format "%.0f°%.0f\"%.0f'%s" ${lat_d}. ${lat_m}. ${lat_s}. $lat_h]
|
||
regexp {(\d+?)(\d\d)\.(\d+)([EW])} $long m long_d long_m long_s long_h
|
||
set long [format "%.0f°%.0f\"%.0f'%s" ${long_d}. ${long_m}. ${long_s}. $long_h]
|
||
set c [clock seconds]
|
||
set current_h [clock format $c -format %H -gmt 1]
|
||
set current_m [clock format $c -format %M -gmt 1]
|
||
set delta [format "%.0f hrs %.0f mins" [expr ${current_h}.-${time_h}.] [expr ${current_m}.-${time_m}.]]
|
||
set ret [list]
|
||
lappend ret [format "%s (%s %s) last report: %s" $station $lat $long $delta]
|
||
lappend ret [format "Temperature: %s Dew Point: %s" $tempf $dpf]
|
||
lappend ret [format "Humidity: %s Pressure: %s" $humid $baro]
|
||
lappend ret [format "Wind Speed: %.0f kts @ %.0f° %s Gust: %s" ${w_speed}. ${w_dir}. [degrees2cardinal ${w_dir}.] $w_gust]
|
||
lappend ret [format "Precipitation (24 hrs): %s" $r_day]
|
||
join $ret \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc dickfite2 {other {self {}}} {ajoin "" [dickroulettechoose [or $self [nick]]] [let {lines {. [flip [join [lrange $lines 0 end-1] \n]]\n[regsub {(.+)(\s*)} [lindex $lines end] {\2\1}]}} [lines [ajoin "" [dickroulettechoose $other] "[^O]"]]]}
|
||
proc xss {} { subst [lindex_random $::xss] }
|
||
proc slaveauction {{a SLAVE} {b AUCTION}} {giga {string map {"GAY" "$a" "BAR" "$b"} [gaybar]}}
|
||
proc alhi {{name Al}} {smega {strcat "<@[name $name]> [name]: [al_insult]"}}
|
||
proc fedroulette_win {} {return "[gold "CLOSE CALL"], [string toupper [nick]], [gold "YOU SICKO"]"}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^#(.*)/ {matches args} {apply [list macro [last $matches]] [lrange $args 1 end]}
|
||
proc randcap word {join [map [zip [split $word ""] [repeat [string length $word] {rand 2}]] {{c b} {if $b { upper $c } { lc $c }}}] ""}
|
||
proc keycaproulette {} {apply checkb [repeat 3 {. "[keycap] "}]}
|
||
proc fred {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "<$who> Man, what's the world coming to when the #buttes guys revert to petty threats and insults instead of posting dancing pickles and homebrewed catchphrases until they're banned?" }
|
||
proc seinfetish {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; set ret "<$who> and what's the deal with "; append ret [strip_u [fetish_porn]]; append ret "?"; return $ret}
|
||
proc loaf {} {join [. "l" [repeat [rand 4 32] {. [?? {"o" "a" "r" "m" "a" "a" "o" "o" "o" "o" "o"}]}] "f"] {}}
|
||
proc britfighter {{name {}}} { . [or $name "[waspfirstname] \"[title] [random_word]\" [choose [alshort] [waspsurname]]"], fighting out of [englishtown], Great Britain }
|
||
proc relax? {} {wet no}
|
||
proc scalaagenda {{time 5}} {string map {GAY SCALA DICKS BYTECODE SEX CONCURRENCY COCK JVM BUTT "STATIC TYPING"} [gayagenda $time]}
|
||
proc lol_honeypot {} honeypot
|
||
proc goonmorning {} {string map {night morning} [goonnight]}
|
||
proc randor {a b} { if {[rand 2] == 1} { return $a } else { return $b } }
|
||
proc shaktiwave {} {ajoin " " [shaktimond] [wt [shakti_word]] [shaktimond]}
|
||
proc maybe_measure {} {choose "" "([rand 150].[rand 10] [choose hPa C deg rad MPa GPa Kg millibar dB dBm dBi])"}
|
||
proc Fishmech {} {rain [german [norway [goonsay [catsay [rocketcatsay [nigqdb]]]]]]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:line/^\((.*)\)$/} {matches args} {expr [last $matches]}
|
||
proc macify-gen {image {xoff 0} {yoff 0}} {. (composite (image [mac_icon com.apple.mac]) (resize [crop_to_fit-gen $image $xoff $yoff 460 287] 460 287) 26 81)}
|
||
proc drank {} {. [lrange [string map {invented drank} [invented [articleize [drink]]]] 0 end-2] [rand 2 30] minutes ago}
|
||
proc deadprank {} { subst [lindex_random $::deadprank] }
|
||
proc emperor {{who {}}} {return "An emperor penguin silently waddles into [name $who]'s room and is now standing directly behind him...."}
|
||
proc track_person args { return {{BEHIND YOU}} }
|
||
proc bbc_news args {set news [rss_parse_feed [wget http://feeds.bbci.co.uk/news/rss.xml?edition=uk]];set headlines [map [oddlist $news] {i {bold $i}} ];set links [evens $news];set fuckyoutcl [list];foreach h $headlines l $links {lappend fuckyoutcl $h $l};return [columnize $fuckyoutcl]}
|
||
proc drudge_major_story html {string trim [strip_html [lindex [regexp -inline -nocase {<font size="\+7\">(.*?)</font>} $html] 1]]}
|
||
proc koran4christ {} { smega { aim -d christian [koran] } }
|
||
proc jakksmoked {} jakk_smoked
|
||
proc collegeidiot {} { raim [collegeaim] }
|
||
proc spampoliticalcomic {} {foldxo xx oo [foldxo x o [30~randart] [repeat 10 {upper [ourshit]}] {embed $o $x [rand 60] [rand 10]}] [repeat 10 {upper [thosefuckers]}] {embed $oo $xx [rand 60] [rand 10]}}
|
||
proc akro args {jizzcum2 $args}
|
||
proc chatnews {} {embed [widen [chatnews_ 3] 90] [chatnews_ 2] 70 1}
|
||
proc furry_noun {} {lindex_random $::furry_noun_dict}
|
||
proc dosvirus {} { . YOU HAVE AIDS C:\\[virusfile2]\\> }
|
||
proc image-ponder {{url {}}} {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left [or $url [gis hidden valley ranch dressing]] http\://i.conio.net/fedoragoon.png 0.85}
|
||
proc giga {cmd args} {smega "$cmd $args" 21}
|
||
proc adblock {} {return "The reason people use [shsc_word] is for [shsc_word], among the other [shsc_word]s, and the vast majority of those people have never gotten a [shsc_word] since beginning to use a decent [shsc_word] filterset."}
|
||
proc discrete_histogram {l {width 40}} { set vmax [rmaximum [map $l {{x} {second $x}}]]; set lmax [rmaximum [map $l {{x} {string length [first $x]}}]]; set out [list]; foreach o $l { lappend out [format "%${lmax}s -- %s" [first $o] [string repeat "#" [expr int($width * [second $o]/$vmax)]]] }; return [join $out \n] }
|
||
proc spitroast {} { return $::spitroast}
|
||
proc odinmnd {} {buttemnd [odin] http://dmdtech.org/~freeodin/odin.jpg http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4089262/06%20Jazzroom%20Conniption.mp3}
|
||
proc hoiah {} {oldflip [haioh]}
|
||
proc n_nist_rands n {set ret [list]; foreach i [.. 0 $n] {lappend ret [nist_rand [expr [clock scan "8 hours ago"] - ($i*60)] ]; incr i;}; return $ret;}
|
||
proc animal {} animal_word
|
||
proc stardefense {} {heynot I just defeated [rand 250] waves of S'rath invaders in #StarDefense Challenge Mode. Can you do better? [tinyurl [gis gay porn [random_word]]]}
|
||
proc harass_celeb {} {heynot Hey @[twitterceleb] [choose [niggerphrase] [goonphrase]]}
|
||
proc procbin args {set procs ""; foreach name $args { if {[isproc $name] > 0} { append procs [safesrc $name]\n\n } }; textbin $procs }
|
||
proc kitty {} {return =^.^=}
|
||
proc fandom {} {return "Yes, I am a fox. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my animal soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w wolf!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I have SEX with my boyfriend."}
|
||
proc unzip l {set o [list]; foreach {a b} $l {lappend o [list $a $b]}; return $o }
|
||
proc caption {image_url args} {caption_raw $image_url [latext_escape [join $args]]}
|
||
proc drawcell {string width {color default} {align left}} {if [string equal $color ""] {set color default}; if [string equal $align ""] {set align left}; set spaces [format "% [expr $width - [string length [strip_all $string]]]s" {}]; if [string equal $align right] {return "[apply color $color] $spaces$string "}; return "[apply color $color] $string$spaces "}
|
||
proc yt2 args {
|
||
# fack apis
|
||
set regex {youtube\.com[^\s]+?(?:\?|&)v=[\w-]{11}};
|
||
set log [last [last [lgrep "***:(?i)$regex" [log]]]];
|
||
set url "http://[regexp -inline $regex [default $args $log]]";
|
||
set props [regexp -all -inline {itemprop="([^"]+)" content="([^"]+)"} [wget_follow $url]];
|
||
if {$props == ""} {return 8o};
|
||
each [concat $props _ url $url] {
|
||
{_ k v}
|
||
{if {$k == "duration"} {set v [fmtdur [each [regex -inline {PT(\d+)M(\d+)} $v] {{_ m s} {expr 60*$m + $s}}]]};
|
||
if {[inlist $k {regionsAllowed playerType width height paid channelId videoId}] < 0} {. [^B]$k[^O] [html $v]}}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc urweather_broken nick {regsub -all {[-+]?[0-9]*\.?[0-9]+ F } [weather $::myweather($nick)] {}}
|
||
proc spokker {} {rainbow "Who cares anymore? It's going to get to the point where having a little spyware on your computer is going to bea lot better than wasting your time trying to get rid of it all, or trying not to get it at all."}
|
||
proc scheisse {} {scheissegern; scheissegern2; scheissegern3; scheissegern4; scheissemid}
|
||
proc lulzwhut {} {. "My name is...\nlulzwhut?\nMy name is...\nlulzwhu?\nMy name is...\n*scratch scratch*\nSOFT CHATTER"}
|
||
proc b1ff args {string toupper [string map {a 4 b 8 e 3 g 6 i 1 o 0 s 5 t 7} [string tolower $args]]}
|
||
proc vmega {cmd args} {set ret [list]; foreach i [seq 1 5000] {if [catch [concat $cmd $args] val] {set val "error: $val"}; lappend ret $val}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc moreweed {} { pick 80 {wet yes} 9 {wet of course} 1 {wet indubitably} 10 {chomskyback [upper [choose yes "of course" "indubitably" "without a doub" duh certainly definitely affirmative "by all means" indeed absolutely sure]]} 20 {magick annotate http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://shermanikk.net/images/ton-of-weed.jpg 30 300 225 red "OH GOD YES" } }
|
||
proc erupt {{who {}}} {return " ( )\n ||\n /vv\\ VOLCANO TO ERUPT, or just [name $who]'s face?\n / \\ FIND OUT AT 11\n_/______\\_"}
|
||
proc sheddy {} {string map {\n { }} [wget http://dmdtech.org/rshxd.txt]}
|
||
proc octalc0de2 {} {return "<@octalc0de> I read pc magazine regularly"}
|
||
proc image-dicksuck url { magick_overlay $url http://assets.buttes.org/magick/17524513a429b0a1f16f000ba0613586.png}
|
||
proc highascii {} {set ret [list]; for {set i 128} {$i < 255} {incr i 26} {lappend ret [eval [concat [list format [string repeat "%02X %c " 26]] [lrepeat [seq $i [expr $i+26]]]]]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc STcatbus {} {return " .--\"--.\n / \\\n / o o \\\n( ^ ,)\n \\ __, /\n `._____.'"}
|
||
proc cthulhu_say args {. [color_cthulhu]\n\nCthulhu says:\n[wrap [join_on_more $args] 42]}
|
||
proc octalc0de3 {} {return "Welcome to the brave new world of the 13 year-old Internet terrorist."}
|
||
proc kalle_stool_review {} {. [kallecleanline] [saq_beer_review] [mmm]}
|
||
proc Aunt_Jemima the_lucky_charms_leprechaun {return [rotflmao]; set sleeping $Dili; return $pedarast; lappend a_Certified_eBay_10_Star_Buyer $AVG_Anti_Virus; return [lisa]}
|
||
proc chess:validMoves {boardName from} {
|
||
upvar 1 $boardName board
|
||
set res {}
|
||
foreach to [array names board ??] {
|
||
set move $from-$to
|
||
if [valid? board $move] {
|
||
if {$board($to) != "."} {append move -$board($to)}
|
||
lappend res $move
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
lsort $res
|
||
}
|
||
proc octalc0de4 {} {ajoin " " [bgbt octalc0de] "[hacker "our\nlitle\nchinee\ngenius"]\n XD"}
|
||
proc jarlink {} {lindex_random $::jarlinks}
|
||
proc amat {{nick {}}} {return "<@amat> yo who is impersonating [name $nick]\n<@amat> that's fucked up"}
|
||
proc octalc0de5 {} {return "<octalc0de> windows can't be riced"}
|
||
proc STiraqipig {} { join $::iraqipig \n }
|
||
proc dickfencing {} {. http://mjt.nysv.org/scratch/alizee_dick_fencing.gif}
|
||
proc suicide {} {lindex_random $::suicide_method}
|
||
proc zalgo {} {join [repeat 75 {. "\002\003[gay],[gay][join [repeat [+ 5 [rand 10]] zalgochar] ""][rand_ascii]"}] ""}
|
||
proc Whatbotinfiniteloop. args {apply whatbotinfiniteloop. $args}
|
||
proc wolfram args {set return [http get http://api.wolframalpha.com/v2/query?input=[urlescape $args]&format=plaintext&appid=354LXX-RJY64KHLL5]; if {[grep "queryresult success='false'" $return] ne ""} {error [utf8_demangle [unescape_html_entities [join [every_n_from 2 1 [regex -all -inline "msg='(.*?)'" $return]] "\n"]]]} {regsub ^ [utf8_demangle [unescape_html_entities [join [every_n_from 2 1 [regexp -all -inline "<plaintext>(.*?)</plaintext>" $return]] "\n"]]] [b]}}
|
||
proc mexicowsay str { join [list { ----------------------------------------- } $str [mexicow]] \n}
|
||
proc rnoun {} {. i shit my pants}
|
||
proc idetect {{who {}}} {return "\]IsraelDetect(tM)\[ WARNING The presence of a jewish citizen of Israel has been detected in the vicinity of [name $who].";}
|
||
proc chess:new board {
|
||
# create a new game (generic dispatcher) with the board name
|
||
proc :$board {{cmd format} args} "uplevel 1 chess:\$cmd $board \$args"
|
||
uplevel 1 $board reset
|
||
}
|
||
proc syllables word {
|
||
regsub -nocase {(es|ed|[^l]e)$} $word {} word
|
||
set len [string length $word]
|
||
if {$len <= 3} {return 1} else {
|
||
regsub -all -nocase {[aeiouy][aeiouy]} $word {a} word
|
||
return [regsub -all -nocase {[aeiouy]} $word {} null]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc solution {{problem {}}} {if {$problem eq ""} {set problem [singleethnic]}; return "The final solution to the $problem problem: [checkbox [random_word] [random_word] [random_word]]"}
|
||
proc microsoft_programmer_email_address {} {. [string tolower [indianname]][choose "" [rand 1 99]]@[microsoft_domain]}
|
||
proc jizzzzz {} {embed [aflip [lsd25 21 20 10]] [figlet CUM 4Max] 18 9}
|
||
proc ujpeg3 {url {width 80}} {string map "@ ▒ O ▒ o ░ . { }" [jpg blah $url $width]}
|
||
proc find_in_cockes args {return "[face]"}
|
||
proc rot:isreverse c {
|
||
set V $::rotV;
|
||
if {[string index $c 0]==$V} { return 1; } { return 0;}
|
||
}
|
||
proc image-doom url {magick_overlay $url [?? {http://imgur.com/OvhWb.png http://imgur.com/tX0Oy.png http://imgur.com/88E7L.png http://imgur.com/vMbmp.png}]}
|
||
proc http_status_message code {if [info exists ::http_status_messages($code)] {return $::http_status_messages($code)} {return ""}}
|
||
proc PrEP args {neg $args}
|
||
proc weather1 {} {return "[choose [penis_word] [butte_word] [singleethnic] [niggerword] [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc suavesay {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [pua_anecdote]}; stampsay -s suave $fart}
|
||
proc weather2 station {
|
||
set station [string toupper $station]
|
||
set weather [split [cwget "http://weather.noaa.gov/pub/data/observations/metar/decoded/$station.TXT"] \n]
|
||
set wind ""
|
||
set vis ""
|
||
set cond ""
|
||
set precip ""
|
||
set temp ""
|
||
set misc ""
|
||
set ret ""
|
||
set head [lindex $weather 0]
|
||
foreach w $weather {
|
||
switch -regexp $w {
|
||
"^cycle:" -
|
||
"^ob:" -
|
||
"UTC" {}
|
||
"^Wind:" {set wind "Wind: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Visibility:" {lappend vis "Visibility: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Sky conditions:" {lappend cond [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]}
|
||
"^Weather:" {lappend cond [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]}
|
||
"^Precipitation" {lappend vis "Precipitation: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Temperature:" {lappend temp "Temperature: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Windchill:" {lappend temp "Windchill: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Dew Point:" {lappend temp "Dew point: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Relative Humidity:" {lappend misc "Humidity: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
"^Pressure" {lappend misc "Pressure: [regsub ":\[^:]$" [regsub ".*?: " $w ""] ""]"}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
if {$head ne ""} {lappend ret $head}
|
||
if {$wind ne ""} {lappend ret $wind}
|
||
if {$vis ne ""} {lappend ret [join $vis " / "]}
|
||
if {$cond ne ""} {lappend ret "Conditions: [join $cond " / "]"}
|
||
if {$temp ne ""} {lappend ret [join $temp " / "]}
|
||
if {$misc ne ""} {lappend ret [join $misc " / "]}
|
||
join $ret \n
|
||
}
|
||
proc pedos? {} { incogs? }
|
||
proc zfs {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [?? [names]]}; return "<$who> NAME USED AVAIL REFER MOUNTPOINT\n<$who> tank 81.7G 206G 18K none\n<$who> tank/s1 20.5M 206G 20.5M /[fetish_porn]\n<$who> tank/s2 1.52M 206G 1.52M /[fetish_porn]\n<$who> tank/s3 80.9G 206G 80.9G /[fetish_porn]\n<$who> tank/s4 709M 206G 709M /[fetish_porn]"}
|
||
proc uuencodec c {munge [format %c [expr {($c != 0) ? (($c & 0x3f) + 0x20) : 0x60}]]}
|
||
proc asanexecutivewoulddo args {string tolower [regsub { \(LIKE A B(AW|O)SS\)$} [apply likeaboss $args] " (as an executive would do)"]}
|
||
proc nimpify url { set index 2; set nimp ".on.nimp.org"; if {$url eq ""} { return "lastmeasure$nimp"; }; set input [split $url /]; if {[llength $input] == 1} { return "$url.on.nimp.org"; }; if {[lc [lindex $input 0]] ne "http:"} { set index 0; }; lset input $index "[lindex $input $index]$nimp"; return [join $input /]; }
|
||
proc clockus {} { set base [ourbasetime]; set clicks [clock clicks]; set diff [expr $clicks - [lindex $base 1]]; set us [expr ($diff - [lindex $base 1])%1000000]; set seconds [expr [expr $diff - $us] / 1000000]; set time [expr [lindex $base 0] + $seconds]; format $time.%06d $us}
|
||
proc dcccatbus {} {return "Accept DCC transfer of [string map {" " ""} [string repeat ! [rand 25]][rand 15]yo-[pedo_word]][rand 999].jpg from user Catbus?"}
|
||
proc fedroulette_squeeze {} { set old_chamber [cache fetch fedroulette current {fedroulette_reload}]; set current_chamber $old_chamber; set hot_chamber [cache get fedroulette hot]; cache put fedroulette current [expr $current_chamber + 1]; if {$old_chamber == $hot_chamber} { cache put fedroulette current 0; return [fedroulette_kill] } else { return [fedroulette_win] } }
|
||
proc gbs_qualifier {} {return "\[[goon_word] goons\]"}
|
||
proc raintrain {{name {}}} {smega {. "[bold][color [next_in_list {red orange yellow green blue violet}]][train $name]"} 20 }
|
||
proc pick10 {list {n 10}} {set r [list];set e [llength $list];for {set i 0} {$i < $n} {incr i} {lappend r [lindex $list [rand $e]]};return $r}
|
||
proc proc_pastebin name {set code [last [http post http://www.heypasteit.com/perm-it "text=[inspect $name]&fakesecurity=2453564"]];. "http://www.heypasteit.com/download/$code"}
|
||
proc (the args {. ur gay }
|
||
proc 56k_word {} {return [lindex_random $::56k_words]}
|
||
proc skywishes {} catbus
|
||
proc randbot {} {. Whatbot: [random_word]}
|
||
proc scat {} {. Ski-Bi dibby dib yo da dub dub\nYo dab dub dub\nSki-Bi dibby dib yo da dub dub\nYo dab dub dub}
|
||
proc nl_catbus {} {return "Accept DCC transfer of [string map {" " ""} [string repeat ! [rand 25]][rand 15]yo-[nicklist]][rand 999].jpg from user Catbus?"}
|
||
proc gaymath {} { stampsay -s kkk "[lindex_random {homosexuals faggots {white people} chinks ragheads towelheads {sand niggers} {lol, honkeys} jews kikes niggers spics mexicans nords swedes {german fags} homos}] + [drug_word]s in [size_word] [booze_container_word] = [lindex_random {{bad news} trouble {big problems} {there goes the neighborhood} {a serious pickle}}]" }
|
||
proc ubuntu2 {} {return \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _\n\ \ \ \ ,--(_)\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \n\ \ _/\ \;-._\\\ \ __\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ |\ |,-.\ |\ \ |,--.\ -+-\ |\ \ |\ \n\ (_)(\ \ \ )\ c(..)o\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ |\ |\ \ |\ |\ \ ||\ \ |\ \ |\ \ |\ \ |\ \n\ \ \ \\\ \;-'_/\\(=)\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ `--'\ `--'\ `--''\ \ '\ \ `-\ `--'\ \n\ \ \ \ `--(_)\ \ /\\\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ w__/(_)\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ made\ by\ niggers\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ Â /|\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ for\ niggers\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ m\ \ m\n\n}
|
||
proc thismuch x { return "/)[string repeat " " $x](\\" }
|
||
proc stbtc:choice val {set ret [string repeat "\n" $val]; set choice [rand [expr $val + 10]]; if {$choice < 5} {append ret "_"} elseif {$choice < 15} {append ret "\\"} else {append ret "|\n\\"}; return $ret}
|
||
proc menu {} {return "Press [rand 2] for [random_word].\nPress [expr "[rand 2] + 2"] for [random_word].\nPress [expr "[rand 2] + 4"] for [random_word].\nPress [expr "[rand 4] + 6"] for [random_word]."}
|
||
proc beachball {} {. "http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http://i33.tinypic.com/16c73av.jpg"}
|
||
proc postgres {} { return {Postgres is the only decent RDBM aside from MySQL, and I don't like it for web applications because all of its fancy features are things an efficient web application doesn't need anyway (ie, foreign keys, triggers, etc). If I was running a bank though, hey, Postgres all the way.} }
|
||
proc pua_anecdote {{glob {}}} {subst [?? [lfilter -nocase *$glob* $::pua_anecdotes]]}
|
||
proc shitcoin {} {?? [twits2 [choose bitcoin_txt shit_rbtc_says]]}
|
||
proc msgalbot args {aim -n analbotulism $args}
|
||
proc logh {} {return https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7grjXe2Eyo}
|
||
proc kenosha_steam {} {. "Kenosha [title_each [crw_word]] & Apartments Company"}
|
||
proc buttesnet_ad {} {embed [tail [head 17 [macro tux]]] "[color black][crw_word].\n[color black][onebutan_word].\n[color black][tranny_word].\n[b][color black]BUTTESNET[b]" 5 5}
|
||
proc ys_ {str {n 5}} { loffsetn [regexp -all -inline $::yt_search_regexp [regsub -all {^.+?pubDate} [fix_html_entities [https://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/videos?q=[urlencode $str]&max-results=[+ $n 1]&alt=rss]] {}]] 1 5 3 }
|
||
proc miniboner {} {. 8:D}
|
||
proc blackjack_draw_card {} { set card [lindex $::blackjack_deck 0]; set ::blackjack_deck [lrange $::blackjack_deck 1 [expr [llength $::blackjack_deck] - 1]]; return $card; }
|
||
proc superpoop {} {lindex [regexp -inline {style="border:10px solid black;" src="(.*?)">} [http://www.superpoop.com/randomComicViewer.php]] 1}
|
||
proc image-rel-border-gen {url {offset 10}} {
|
||
return "(let ((bg (image http://churchturing.org/x/white100x100.png))
|
||
(i [scheme_image_or_sexpr $url])
|
||
(iw (width i))
|
||
(ih (height i))
|
||
(offset (* (/ $offset 100) (if (> iw ih) iw ih))))
|
||
(composite (resize bg (+ iw offset offset) (+ ih offset offset)) i offset offset))"}
|
||
proc finns? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::finns]]] finns}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+?)chatcrimes$/} {match args} { naughtylist__ [last $match] [bif [second $args] [second $args] 5] }
|
||
proc boobscotch {} {next_in_list $::bsl}
|
||
proc sa_fetch_threads {forumid {pagenumber 1}} {set html [wget http://forums.somethingawful.com/forumdisplay.php?forumid=$forumid&pagenumber=$pagenumber]; set ret [list]; foreach {match threadid title} [regexp -all -inline {<a class="thread"(?:.*?)threadid=(\d+)[^>]+>([^<]+)</a>} $html] {lappend ret [list $threadid [html $title]]}; return $ret}
|
||
proc is_unprintable char {set c [scan $char %c]; expr {$c < 32 || $c > 126}}
|
||
proc babelfish args {set lang [lindex $args 0];babel en_$lang [lrange $args 1 end]}
|
||
proc problem args {if {[llength args] == 0} {fuck you Winkie} {if [regexp {^\w+$} [lindex $args 1]] {set dicks "use $args"} {set dicks "use $args"};. Some people, when confronted with a problem, think “I know, I’ll [or [join $dicks] [computer_language_word]].” Now they have two problems.}}
|
||
proc chunk {list chunks} { set out [list]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $list]} {incr i $chunks} { lappend out [lrange $list $i [+ $i [- $chunks 1]]] }; . $out }
|
||
proc dontread {} {return " \n \n \n \n DONT TREAD ON ME "}
|
||
proc real_crw_word {} {lindex_random [lrange $::crw_dict 0 15]}
|
||
proc NIGGERDEATH {} {return "[bt niggerdeath]"}
|
||
proc zip {l1 l2} {set o {}; foreach first $l1 second $l2 { lappend o $first $second; }; return $o}
|
||
proc third mylist { lindex $mylist 2 }
|
||
proc STfullcubegoon {} {embed [fullgoonsay] [flip [cubegoon]] 3 1}
|
||
proc andrzej_headshot {} {. http://grfx.cstv.com/photos/schools/mit/sports/m-crewlt/auto_headshot/1946824.jpeg}
|
||
proc bigmatixhasu_test {} { set lines [cache_get_default bigmatix lines 0]; set lines [expr ($lines>4950)?0:$lines]; cache put bigmatix lines [+ 20 $lines]; set urli [expr ($lines % 4950) / 500]; set start [expr $lines %500]; set data [lines [~[modlindex $::bigmatixtesturls $urli]]]; join [lrange $data $start [+ 19 $start]]\n}
|
||
proc pooptypehistogram {{nick {}}} { . "Poop Type\n[discrete_histogram [count_discrete [_pooptypes [ornick $nick]]]]" }
|
||
proc image-nguyen url {magick composite http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f9/Nguyen.jpg [magick_id [magick resize [magick grayscale $url] 50 70]] 261 87}
|
||
proc weedscope {} {aflip [gsw weed]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^\^(\^*)([^\/]*)\/(.+)$/} {matches cmd} {^ [string length [lindex $matches 1]] [lindex $matches 2] [lindex $matches 3]}
|
||
proc aimf_fandom args {aimify fandom $args}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:nick/mao/:cmd/^(\w*)->(\w*)$/} {matches cmd args} {apply [list translate [or [lindex $matches 1] ""] [or [lindex $matches 2] ru]] $args}
|
||
proc lastfm:lasttrack user {set out ""; catch {set out [cache get lastfmlasttrack $user] }; return $out}
|
||
proc import_level {{level 1}} {incr level; foreach name [uplevel $level {info locals}] {if [uplevel $level [list array exists $name]] {uplevel 1 [list array set $name [uplevel $level [list array get $name]]]} {uplevel 1 [list set $name [uplevel $level [list set $name]]]}}}
|
||
proc STheart {} {. "[bold] _ _ \n /` \\/ `\\ \n \\ / \n '. .' \n \\/ [bold]\njgs "}
|
||
proc 14nords {} {return "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for nord children."}
|
||
proc niggerlover {} {join [list { Vote Obama }]}
|
||
proc buttesroom {} { upper [subst [lindex_random $::buttesrooms]] }
|
||
proc randart:randompiece {} {
|
||
cstrip [ST*]
|
||
}
|
||
proc gay_binary {} {. [gayflagify [macro binarychat]]}
|
||
proc format_time_string {{hours 0} {minutes 0} {seconds 0}} {set buffer [list]; if {$hours > 0} {, buffer "$hours hour"}; if {$hours > 1} {, buffer "s, "} {, buffer ", "}; join buffer ""}
|
||
proc draw_ bitmap {join [map $bitmap {line {fullwidth_with_formatting [join [map [split $line {}] {char {if $char {invert " "} {. " "}}}] ""]}}] \n}
|
||
proc test69' {ur mom} {. $::askee2}
|
||
proc lolqdb_rand_match str {lolqdb [lindex_random [split [cwget http://lolqdb.buttes.org/rest.php?search/text/$str] { }]]}
|
||
proc aimf_xssnimp args {aimify xssnimp $args}
|
||
proc perlop_grep {} {?? {< > <= >= lt gt le ge == != eq ne ~~}}
|
||
proc alpha_acute args { alpha_replace ÁBĆDÉFǴHíJḰĹḾŃŐṔQŔśTŰVẂXӲŹ [join $args] }
|
||
proc dadey {} {return "DADEY GETING A HOEL IN HIS BALLESAKE"}
|
||
proc ethnic_group {} {lindex_random $::ethnic_group_dict}
|
||
proc arabesque args {foreach line [split $args] {lappend $::outlines [->ar $line]] } join $::outlines "\n"}
|
||
proc wrap {str cols} { string range [broken_wrap $str $cols] 1 end }
|
||
proc ptitle url {strtop [get_tit $url] 1}
|
||
proc twatter {} { set who [rpick [tweeters]]; twitbox $who [rpick [twitter_ $who]] }
|
||
proc samditions args {samback "ugh… [lower [conditions]]"}
|
||
proc STrabbit {} {return " ,\n /| __\n / | ,-~ /\n Y :| // /\n | jj /( .^\n >-\"~\"-v\"\n / Y\n jo o |\n ( ~T~ j\n >._-' _./\n / \"~\" |\n Y _, |\n /| ;-\"~ _ l\n/ l/ ,-\"~ \\\n\\//\\/ .- \\\n Y / Y\n l I !\n ]\\ _\\ /\"\\\n(\" ~----( ~ Y. )\n"}
|
||
proc rot:maxdims:test {} {
|
||
set t [list [list 5 4 3] [list 1] [list 6 6 6 6] [list 1]];
|
||
if {[rot:maxdims $t] == "4 4"} { return "SUCCESS"; } { return "FAILURE";}
|
||
}
|
||
proc hellyeah {} {. [img-hi5] [yeah]}
|
||
proc utf8_search_r args {set tmp [list];map [array names ::unicodedescriptivenametable -regexp [uc $args]] {x {lappend tmp "$::unicodedescriptivenametable($x) - $x\n"}};. [join $tmp]}
|
||
proc textbin str { . http://www.gangnet.org/pastes/[last [http post http://www.gangnet.org/paste.php s=[urlencode $str]]].txt }
|
||
proc bkabait {{prez {Angela Merkel}}} {subst "I am going to kill $prez, Bundeskanzlerin der BRD."}
|
||
proc all_dicts {} {set dict_list [info vars *dict]; set all_dict ""; for {set i 0} {$i<[llength $dict_list]} {incr i} {set n [lindex $dict_list $i]; set s "concat $all_dict \$::$n"; set all_dict [eval $s]}; . "$dict_list"}
|
||
proc crappy_restaurant {} {?? $::crappy_restaurant_dict}
|
||
proc yts {{n 3}} { m [lrange [lreverse [lfilter {^\d+$} [get_yt_log 500]]] 0 $n] {x {youtube_title $x}} "\n \n" }
|
||
proc countdown {} {cdown {moira_ returns}}
|
||
proc rot:ascrot {strl w h} {
|
||
set out ""
|
||
for { set x 0 } { $x < $w} {incr x} {
|
||
for { set y 0 } { $y < $h} {incr y} {
|
||
set out "$out[rot:strlistxy $strl $x $y]"
|
||
}
|
||
set out "$out\n"
|
||
}
|
||
return $out
|
||
}
|
||
proc quex {} {return "<Quex> http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4138/4922650229_ed8f3fb7f0_z.jpg"}
|
||
proc TAFKADH {} {. [lol [lindex_random $::TAFKADH]] }
|
||
proc STcompu {} { return " ___________\n |.---------.|\n || ||\n || ||\n || ||\n |'---------'|\n `)__ ____('\n \[=== -- o \]--.\n __'---------'__ \\\n \[::::::::::: :::\] )\n `\"\"'\"\"\"\"\"'\"\"\"\"`/T\\\n \\_/" }
|
||
proc sdd2 {} {return ".aim [rand_aim] It's a jungle out there; let me be your guide. - Hackers, identify thieves, and advertising agencies lurk in the shadows doing everything they can to steal your personal information. I have a vast array of tools at my disposal to build a strong digital defense against outside attacks."}
|
||
proc freedom_word {} {lindex_random $::freedom_words}
|
||
proc politicalcartoon1 args {return "[upper [?? $::thosefuckers]]\n ( ( .--. [upper [?? $::usfolks]]\n \\ \\/ . __\n /\\ \\ : /..\\\n / / /_ : \\O_/\n (_(___\\ [upper [?? $::ourshit]]"}
|
||
proc chinkamid {} {pyramid xia\ }
|
||
proc pupac {} {funfont pupac}
|
||
proc politicalcartoon2 {} {. " / ___\n / / - - [string toupper [specialinterest]]\n \\ C >\n _)' _( .' \n __/ |_/ \" *. o\n /` \\_\\ \\/ %`= '_ .\n / ) \\/| .^'*. __\n/' /- o/ - \" % /..\\ [string toupper [usfolks]]\n\\ \\ / o \\_O/\n"}
|
||
proc STwoman {} { return " //((.\".)) \n \\\\_)\\-/(_. \n `-(.)(.).\\ \n ) . (,// \n ( # )' ";}
|
||
proc politicalcartoon3 args {ajoin "" [upper [thosefuckers]]\n[omgdude] "\n\n\n\n\n / \n - \n \\ \n" \n\n\n[namedfartcloud] \n\n[upper [[choose usfolks ourshit]]]\n[flip [omg]]}
|
||
proc goon_recipe {} {set method [goon_cooking_method]; set food [goon_ingredient]; return "[goon_recipe_title $method [regsub ".*? of " $food ""]]\n$food\n[goon_ingredient]\n[goon_ingredient]\n[goon_ingredient]\nCombine together and [string map {"ied" "y" "aved" "ave" "ded" "d"} $method]."}
|
||
proc politicalcartoon4 args {. "[upper [thosefuckers]]\n __,_____ __ [color red].`, .\n / __.==--\" 8===/..\\[color red]===D[color]\n/#(-' \\_O/ [color red]`. \n`-'\n [upper [[choose usfolks ourshit]]]"}
|
||
proc amit {} {join [map {3 1 2 3 1 5 0 7} {{spaces stars} {apply {ajoin "" [string repeat [string repeat " " 9] $spaces]} [repeat $stars jew]}}] \n}
|
||
proc beak {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] is pecked to death by a Linuxbeak."}
|
||
proc wigwog {{n 5}} {lselect_random {"wig" "wog"} $n}
|
||
proc random_qwantz_tube {} { qwantz_tube [?? [top_youtube_ids]] }
|
||
proc master_help {} { return "type - tcl masterm 1 1 1 1 - to play (4 digits 1-5)\nGuess the digits, to see your stats type - tcl master_stat\nTo see your score compared to everyone else type - tcl masters"; }
|
||
proc unnato str { string map [lreverse $::natodict] $str }
|
||
proc STcanwebanincog {} {figlet "can we ban incog"}
|
||
proc aenimatroll args {string map {Hello Aenima hello aenima} [apply hellotroll $args]}
|
||
proc crickets {} {return "Chirp, chirp."}
|
||
proc tombstone-bg {} {return [draw "0011111111111100\n0111111111111110\n[string repeat "1111111111111111\n" 17]"]}
|
||
proc rand_comic_frame {} {let {art {box [embed [canvas 35 12] $art 2 [- 12 [llength [lines $art]]]]}} [ajoin " " [wrap [comic_line] 20] \n\\ \n[ST*]]}
|
||
proc lolj {} {set html [unescape_html_entities [cwget http://fuzzysquid.com/LJ.php]]; ljpics [html [strip_html [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<img src='(.*?)'} $html]]]]}
|
||
proc STcathead {} {join {{ /\/\ } {/o.o \ } {\_^__/ }} \n}
|
||
proc haha {{length 0}} {let {length {. [join [repeat $length {?? {h H a u U e E A}}] {}]}} [if {$length == 0} {rand 150 400} {set length}]}
|
||
proc dongfamily {} {return "oic oic oic oic __\n \\ \\ \\ \\ /\\ `,:``,\n _ _ _ _ / \\_; .\n /\\) /\\) /\\) /\\) / / :\n / / / / / / / / / / :\n( Y) ( Y) ( Y) ( Y) ( Y ) :\n \"\" \"\" \"\" \"\" \"\" \" :"}
|
||
proc quid {} {set rate [convert 1 gbp usd]; set gbp [lindex $rate 0]; set usd [lindex $rate 3]; if {$usd < ($gbp*2)} {set color red} {set color green}; return "[color $color]${rate}[color]"}
|
||
proc fundie args {stampsay -s realokey [thinkaboutit $args] }
|
||
proc frot {{name {}} {giver {}} {receiver {}}} {return "[name $name] is willing to pay good money to watch [name $giver] [crw_verb] with [name $receiver]"}
|
||
proc clusterfuck {} {. shithead: tcl}
|
||
proc ebola {{thing Cases}} {strip_html [rget "Total [string totitle $thing]: (.+?)</h6>" [http://www.cdc.gov/vhf/ebola/outbreaks/2014-west-africa/index.html]]}
|
||
proc normalize_nick nick {string map {[ \{ ] \}} [string tolower $nick]}
|
||
proc karaboner {} {biggaybowtext "god i <3 dicks"}
|
||
proc porno {{name1 {}}} {if {$name1 eq ""} {set name1 [name]}; return "[sex_act] [food_word] vol. [rand 10]: see $name1 in her first ever [goon_word]-on-[butte_word] scene with [rand 20] [ethnic_group]!"}
|
||
proc dprocbin_n {depth args} {set procs ""; set all $args; foreach item $args { foreach name [depends $item $depth] {lappend all $name} }; set all [lsort -unique [flatten $all]]; set out [list]; foreach name $all {lappend out [safesrc $name]\n\n}; set ah [textbin [join $out "\n"]]; . [^B]the following dependencies were uploaded:[^B] [flatten $all]\n$ah }
|
||
proc testniggers {} {set o "urmom"; return $o}
|
||
proc finalsolution {} {return "gas [tcl lappend jew_count]"}
|
||
proc throwaway1234 args {set word [if {$args eq ""} {return anus} {return banus}]; return $word}
|
||
proc MB9 {} {. 100% maple spread with three pieces of strip bacon and six Canadian bacon. Sweet, salty SMOKEY and delicious. This is what is tastes like when pigs cry. [mmm]}
|
||
proc deverb args {regsub {(s|(ing))$} [join $args] {}}
|
||
proc MAC {} { acroform media access control }
|
||
proc morecoffee? {} {pick 10 {coffeeback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]} 2 img-morecoffee}
|
||
proc medianhello {} { lolqdb 645 }
|
||
proc lulzup_old {{who {}} {plusthis 1} args} {if {[nick] == $who} {. [selfmodder $who]} else {if [array exists ::lulzscores{$who}] {array set ::lulzscores{$who} [list $who [concat [expr [last [array get ::lulzscores{$who}]]+$plusthis]]]} else {array set ::lulzscores{$who} [list $who [concat $plusthis]]}; return "Great Comment, $who!\n \[\+$plusthis\] $args"}}
|
||
proc cubegoon {} {return " ________________\n / /|\n /_______________/ |\n| |/|\n|-\[.\]--\[.\]-------| |\n| O | /\n|________________|/"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/14(\w+)s$/} {matches cmd args} {. We must secure the existence of our people and a future for [last $matches] children.}
|
||
proc STk9 {} {. " \\ \n \\____|\\mm\n //_//\\ \\_\\\n /K-9/ \\/_/\n/___/_____\\\n-----------"}
|
||
proc napply-block {n cmd {input {}}} { set ret $input; for {set x 0} {$x < $n} {incr x} { set ret ["$b $ret"] }; return $ret; }
|
||
proc fullwidthcamlcase x {subst [regsub -line -all {(^.| [^ ])} $x {[fullwidth [upper &]]}]}
|
||
proc aimmanagementreason {{n {}}} {aim -n [aimname $n] [managementreason]}
|
||
proc yankee {} { return "[yanks]\n[COLOR 04 00] [string repeat " " 25] go home[string repeat " " 25] \n[yanks]" }
|
||
proc beck args {return "[color white on black]$args, [color blue on black]Glenn Beck[color white on black] thinks you're a racist [niggerword]"}
|
||
proc whatisalice {} {. http://i.conio.net/what-is-alice.png}
|
||
proc pregnant? {} { . [nick], you're the father! }
|
||
proc Dump Hepatitis_C {lappend Mountain_Dew [slack]; set Scrotum $large_intestine; return $spade; return [expr [threads] >= $Fluorine]; return $Amazonian_Women}
|
||
proc blows {} {me punches [?? [names]]}
|
||
proc nicerack {} {. [gis fake tits] [arcade "nice rack!" pabom 6]}
|
||
proc STkelly {} {return " __________\n888-\[ -\] \[ -\]3\nC _\\ )\n \\ /|\\ /\n \\___O___/"}
|
||
proc gis^ {} {+gis [sn [^]]}
|
||
proc fucktestshit {} {return [name]}
|
||
proc youtubesay {} {set stamp_name [string map {"ST" ""} [lindex_random $::small_stamp_dict]]; stampsay -s $stamp_name [youtube_comment]}
|
||
proc get_yt_old {{n 100}} {set out [list]; map [pop [top [lreverse [log]] $n]] {x {lappend out [yturl2id [last $x]]}}; uniq [lreverse [flatten $out]]}
|
||
proc phonenumber {} { subst [lindex_random $::phonenumber] }
|
||
proc gooncon {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[rainbow $who\ ur\ fukken\ ded\ at\ gooncon]"}
|
||
proc rainpay {} {act [rainbow [string range [join [lrange [split [pay]] 1 end]] 0 end-1]]}
|
||
proc cybersex {{onefag {}} {twofag {}}} {set one [name $onefag]; set two [name $twofag]; if {$one eq $two} {append one ""; append two "|away"}; return "<$one> [sex_do] my [smallword] [sexpart]\n* $two starts [sex_act] $one's [sexpart]\n<$one> You kinky little [marginalize]\n* $one shoots [sex_fluid] on $two\n<$two> Now [act_word] my [sexpart]"}
|
||
proc hirolloffle {{who rolloffle}} {smega {strcat "<[name]> $who: [greeting] [eval [choose niggerword black_star_trek_character]]!"}}
|
||
proc gisc {{color {}} args} {force_image [urldecode [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {imgurl\\x3d(http://.*?)\\x26} [6~http://images.google.com/images?safe=off&imgcolor=$color&[? q $args]]]]]}
|
||
proc wanttodie {str n} {m [nlsplit [wrap $str $n]] {x {fg $x Small}} \n}
|
||
proc splitdick {} {overlay [flip [ncock 2]] [ncock 2]}
|
||
proc hillary2 {} {set temp [crw_word]; return "This isn't $temp you can believe in, it's $temp you can Xerox"}
|
||
proc loof {} {embed [head 21 [@spic]] [color white on black][center [loaf2] 25] 18 8}
|
||
proc fiddle {{who {}}} {return "\<[name $who]\> fiddle with my [body_part]"}
|
||
proc quiz {} {. "[string totitle [texture]], [adjective], and a lot of [shakti_word]: Am I describing...\n1. [random_word]?\n2. [random_word]?\n3. [random_word]?\n4. [random_word]?"}
|
||
proc 2words prefix {. [word $prefix$] [word $prefix$]}
|
||
proc rps_play {a b} { third [lindex $::rps [lsearch -glob $::rps "$a $b*" ]] }
|
||
proc beef {} {. [cwget http://wepump.in/ascii/beef.txt]\n BEEF}
|
||
proc bj_bid n { if {[blackjack_get_bid [nick]]>0} { return "ALREADY BID"; } else { }; blackjack_bid [nick] $n; return "[nick] bid \$$n"; }
|
||
proc swingler_name args {set left [string trimright [word s(?:w(?:i)?)?$] swi]; set right [string trimleft [word ^(?:r|er|ler)] ler]; return "${left}swingler${right}"}
|
||
proc playermutiny args { . " \< Mutiny \> i'm not a player, i just $args"}
|
||
proc meta767 {} {string map [list [invert [uchar 3000]] [uchar 2708 2708]] [ultra767]}
|
||
proc image-kaleidoscope img { set img [~mirror_right $img]; return "[magick-stack $img [magick flip $img]] \n[magick-stack [magick flip $img] $img]"}
|
||
proc supershaktimid {} {return "[shaktimid] [capitalize [shakti_word]] Hacks have been Applied"}
|
||
proc lool {{length 0}} {string map {t l 0 l} [toot $length]}
|
||
proc hello2 {} {return "<hello> there's some fucked up porn on TV with this guy in a wig getting fucked in the ass while he's got this american flag wrapped around him"}
|
||
proc buttesclassified:column {} {join [repeat 5 buttesclassified:instance]}
|
||
proc hello3 {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; return "<$who> check out this pic I found of my sis http://hello.frap.net/img/[underscore [sex_act]]_[underscore [food_word]].jpg"}
|
||
proc hello4 {} {return "<@hello> When I am not having nals with my sissy, I like to play cs:s. i am very 1337, and can easily have 36 \"frags\" (kills) before anyone manages to get 10. I also like halo and like to put the controller up my butt while i play"}
|
||
proc biggestgoon {{n {}} {huh {}}} {if {$n < 0} {set n 0};if {$huh > 65} {set huh 65};if {$huh == ""} {set huh 40}; if {$n > 17} {set n 17}; if {$n == 0} {return [fathead $huh]}; set lines [lines [fathead $huh]]; set chin [lindex $lines 2]; lremove lines 2; lappend lines [regsub -all _ $chin " "]; while {[incr n -1]} {lappend lines [regsub -all {[_O]} $chin " "]}; lappend lines [regsub -all O $chin _]; join $lines \n }
|
||
proc rufas args rucas
|
||
proc hello5 {{who hello}} {return "<@hello> sometimes [lindex_random [lfilter *ism [words]]] is kind of cool"}
|
||
proc rovequote {} {return "\"[string totitle [political_word]]s saw the [shakti_word] of [historical_event] and prepared for [hotbutton]\; [string totitle [political_word]]s saw the [shakti_word] of [historical_event] and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding.\" -- [political_figure], as quoted by [source]"}
|
||
proc loop {} loop
|
||
proc hello6 {} {return "<@hello> and none of my responses in this channel have ever, ever, EVER been irrational/sarcastic"}
|
||
proc hello7 {} {return "<@^o_o^> I get [random_word] drunk"}
|
||
proc hackernews {} {smega {blog_start [?? $::hackernews_tech_word]}}
|
||
proc hello8 {} {return "<@hello> i had three eggs easy over, 2[rand 9] sausages, toast, and home fries\n<@hello> and [rand 9] cups of coffee"}
|
||
proc aimf_nimpspace args {aimify nimpspace $args}
|
||
proc beep {} {join [subst [say {\003[gay]\007beep }]]}
|
||
proc ed209 {} {lindex_random $::ed209_words}
|
||
proc overheard_in_cockes {} {set one [name]; set two [name]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [[choose butte_word ethnic_group]]\n$two: [[choose butte_word ethnic_group]]\n$one: [[choose butte_word ethnic_group]]\n-- #cockes"}
|
||
proc linerange {str start end} {join [lrange [lines $str] $start $end] \n}
|
||
proc bodypart {} { body_part }
|
||
proc onebutan_recommendation_for what {switch -glob -- [string tolower $what] "$::onebutan_recommendation default onebutan_default_rec"}
|
||
proc jewplaque {} {rain [strip_all [box [embed [hardwrap [subst [string repeat {[jewfullname] } 100]] 80 8] [join [lrange [split [box [jews]] \n] 1 end-1] \n] 13 3]]]}
|
||
proc glowstick {} { return "[col_char][choose 9 4 8][eval [choose slash backslash]][col_char]" }
|
||
proc gist id {rload "http://gist.github.com/$id.txt"}
|
||
proc WINKIE {} {. WINKIE}
|
||
proc aimodin args { aim -n [aimname $args] [odin] }
|
||
proc fm_station_mhz {} {. [?? [seq 87 107]].[?? {1 3 5 7 9}]}
|
||
proc rtweet {who {n 1}} { m [rlpick [twitter_ $who] $n] {x {twitbox $who $x}} "\n \n" }
|
||
proc aimpanties args {aim -n [aimname $args] What kind of panties are you wearing?}
|
||
proc fastmystery {{who {}}} {set mysteryproc [lindex_random [info procs]]; if {$who eq ""} { if {[llength [info args $mysteryproc]] < 1 } { set mysteryresult [eval $mysteryproc]; return "$mysteryresult" } else { fastmystery }} else { if {[llength [info args $mysteryproc]] == 1 } { set mysteryresult [eval $mysteryproc $who]; return "$mysteryresult" } else { eval fastmystery $who }}}
|
||
proc numtostr n {set ::numtostr(${n})}
|
||
proc friendzone {} { . Rape is the only option off of this ladder. This message proudly brought to you by [choose roofies GHB tequila] }
|
||
proc butteweather {} { string map {", Bert Mooney Airport, MT, United States (KBTM) 45-57-17N 112-29-51W 1688M" "schat"} [weather kbtm] }
|
||
proc film_troll {{args {}}} {if {$args eq ""} {. I love [movie], I like the bit where [actor] [actor_action] best.} {. I love [join $args], I like the bit where [actor] [actor_action] best.}}
|
||
proc aeima {} {string map {GOD DANG} [@pricke]}
|
||
proc ultralump {{name {}}} {join [map $::ultralump {n {apply $n [name $name]}}] "\n"}
|
||
proc macguy args {if ![llength $args] {set what [macrumors]} {set what [join $args]}; embed [ajoin " " [STfedoragoon] \n/ [wrap $what 50]] "[uchar f8ff] \\" 14 7}
|
||
proc image-gunman img { image-akimbo [image-gunmanhead $img] }
|
||
proc trinity_news {} {return "[fundamentalist_christian] was arrested today under allegations that he was involved in [sex_act] with underage girls"}
|
||
proc low5 args {lo5 $args}
|
||
proc image-piss url { magick_overlay $url http://i.buttes.org/http://magick.buttes.org/temp/0630ba2d1d5287fb5ffc4d5826e5efbe.png }
|
||
proc vertigo args {if [llength $args] {set who [lindex $args 0]; set args [lrange $args 1 end]} {set who [name]}; return "[^B][color red]?[color lime]5[color blue]4-2K[color red]?[^O] [vertigize "Thanks For The [or [capitalize [join $args]] [random_word]]"][^B][color red]$who[^O]"}
|
||
proc trainditions {} {advisorback [metradelays-twat]}
|
||
proc rainbanner str {return "[rainbow [banner $str]]"}
|
||
proc bdqa {{who {}}} {return "Hello [name $who], I am a proud member of the Buttes darren Quality Assurance panel. Are you satisfied with the quality of the current iteration of darrens active on #cockes? If not, I would be very pleased to accept any sort of criticism that you might have in mind. Thank you!";}
|
||
proc fixed {} {return "WINKIE FIX BOT"}
|
||
proc flipmode {} {join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [vflip [bgr [rrand_color] FLIP]]] [nsplit [bgr [rrand_color] MODE]]]] \n}
|
||
proc urlencode str {
|
||
set chars [list]
|
||
foreach char [split $str {}] {
|
||
if [regexp -nocase {[-_a-z0-9]} $char] {
|
||
lappend chars $char
|
||
} else {
|
||
binary scan [encoding convertto utf-8 $char] H* bytes
|
||
lappend chars [regsub -all .. $bytes {%\0}]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
join $chars {}
|
||
}
|
||
proc buttmad {{who {}}} {. "[name $who] u buttmad u buttfrustrated"}
|
||
proc weirdjoke who { set thing [rpick {faggy ugly stupid dumb gay retarded}]; string map "fat $thing Fat $thing FAT $thing" [fatshame $who] }
|
||
proc darknight {} {return "http://www.links.net/daze/05/01/14/dark_night_flick.html"}
|
||
proc richardson {} {return "[bold]I WAS GOVERNOR OF THE STATE OF [string toupper [lindex_random $::states]]"}
|
||
proc bearcode who {. $who: [choose B0 B1 B2 B3 B4 B5 B6 B7 B8 B9] [choose "" f++ f+ f f- f--] [choose "" t++ t+ t t- t--] [choose "" w++ w+ w w- w--] [choose "" d d++ d+ d d- d-- c++ c+ c c- cd dc c+d c+d] [choose "" g++ g+ g g- g--] [choose "" s-- s- s s+ s++] [choose m++ m+ m "" ] [choose e++ e+ e ""] [choose "" p] [choose "" q] [choose r++ r+ r ]}
|
||
proc vb3_fetch_threads {root forumid {pagenumber 1}} {set html [wget $root/forumdisplay.php?f=$forumid&page=$pagenumber];set ret [list];foreach {match threadid title} [regexp -all -inline {<a [^>]*?href="[^">]*showthread[^">]*?t=(\d+)"[^>]*>([^<]+)</a>} $html] {lappend ret [list $threadid [html $title]]};return $ret }
|
||
proc truth {} {choose [politicalcartoon] [politicalcartoon2]}
|
||
proc singlerandomword {} {string map {{ } -} [random_word]}
|
||
proc drudgebribe {} {string toupper "[political_figure] took bribe from [corporation] to endorse [hotbutton], says [source]"}
|
||
proc snake_ {} snake
|
||
proc ajoin args { set b [lindex $args 0]; set args [lrange $args 1 [llength $args]]; set o ""; set nlines [maxlines $args]; set newline ""; set nl ""; foreach j $args { lappend nl [addspaces $nlines $j]; }; for {set i 0} { $i < $nlines } { incr i } { append o $newline; set d ""; foreach k $nl { append o "$d[lindex [split $k "\n"] $i]"; set d $b; }; set newline "\n"; }; return $o; }
|
||
proc spaceyiff {} {ajoin [pyramid "[gay]y"] [pyramid "[gay]i"] [pyramid "[gay]f"] [pyramid "[gay]f"]}
|
||
proc niggerdeath {} {fg NIGGERDEATH}
|
||
proc montspace {} {return "Hey guys check out my montspace!"}
|
||
proc GoodOutput {} {}
|
||
proc annoyingseizure img {animate -delay 0.1 $img [magick solarize [magick rotate $img 3 ] ]}
|
||
proc phrase {who {number 1}} {set out ""; map [string repeat "a " $number] {x {append out "<@$who> [rpick $::phrases($who)]\n"}};. $out}
|
||
proc image_format {} {?? $::image_format}
|
||
proc moiradegree {} {. <moira> i have an Information Systems Nipponese double major}
|
||
proc rganghost {} {rpick $::ganghosts}
|
||
proc aimdate {{name {}}} {aim -n [aimname $name] "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to see [buttesonfilm] with me on Friday..."}
|
||
proc giggle {{size 0}} {regsub -all h+ [join [string map {a e} h[laugh $size]] {}] h}
|
||
proc LOL args {return "LOL ---> $args <--- LOL"}
|
||
proc helllo {} {. pl yes }
|
||
proc {bezo\$} {} kindle
|
||
proc sdfl {} scar_drudge_for_life
|
||
proc STmoirahead {} {crop [moiracam5] 32 1 11 8}
|
||
proc bj_done {} { set a [blackjack_dealer_loop] ; set b [bj_dhand]; return [ajoin " " "$a\n[blackjack_finish]" $b]; }
|
||
proc minspect args { m $args {x {inspect $x}} \n }
|
||
proc fix_html str { fix_html_entities [strip_html $str] }
|
||
proc tellol {{who terror} txt} {ajoin [join [wrap [chinee "<[name $who]> $txt"] 50]] "\n" [[lindex_random {{flip} {aflip} {.}}] [[lindex_random {{octalc0mg} {octalsay}}]]]}
|
||
proc kalleclean {} {return "<@Kalle> [kallecleanline]\n<@Kalle> [kallecleanline]\n<@Kalle> [kallecleanline]\n<@Kalle> [kallecleanline]\n"}
|
||
proc gridse_colours {} {next_in_list {04 07 08 09 12 13}}
|
||
proc pubterror {} {publish "[choose [fedbait] [. i am going to blow up a sports arena] ] -- [celebrity], [year]\n[choose [%osama] [%ak47]]\n[?? $::koran]\n\n[wrap [spook 1488] 80]"}
|
||
proc florpspyfflantium {} {pick 1 chop 1 abuse}
|
||
proc litertai {} {}
|
||
proc yordle {} {return "http://megaswf.com/serve/1955233"}
|
||
proc SToblique {} {ncock 0}
|
||
proc macify {image {xoff 0} {yoff 0}} {magick composite [mac_icon com.apple.mac] [magick_id [magick resize [crop_to_fit $image $xoff $yoff 460 287] 460 287]] 26 81}
|
||
proc STapple {} {join [list { /)} { .-,'_.-.} {; (} {; `,} { '._^._./}] \n}
|
||
proc unisearch args {each [lines [~http://givingin.org/unicode/search/?[? q [join $args]]]] {line {. [[first [split $line]]] $line}}}
|
||
proc sa_harvest_threads {forumid {pagenumber 1}} {set new_threads [list]; foreach thread [sa_fetch_threads $forumid $pagenumber] {if [set threadid [sa_thread_add $forumid [lindex $thread 0] [lindex $thread 1]]] {lappend new_threads $threadid}}; set ret "[llength $new_threads] new threads for forum $forumid harvested"; if [llength $new_threads] {append ret ": [join $new_threads ", "]"}; return $ret}
|
||
proc dancingfont str {apply ajoin [concat {{}} [map [split [dancingfontstrip $str] ""] {{x} {dancingfontchar $x}}]]}
|
||
proc ac%frame args {box [embed [canvas 25 6] [join $args] 2 2]}
|
||
proc aimf_fiddle args {aimify fiddle $args}
|
||
proc twitterrogate who {twat @[interrogate $who]}
|
||
proc ->:nick/mao/ args { ->ru args }
|
||
proc nazi_ad {} {. [macro nazi][macro msnazi]}
|
||
proc go:start_game {} { go:set_current_game [go:board]; go:game }
|
||
proc hindu {} { dot }
|
||
proc typicalgoon {} {return "[fatgoonweb]"}
|
||
proc spoilhate {} {spoiler [hate]}
|
||
proc eurofag {} {set rate [convert 1 eur usd]; set eur [lindex $rate 0]; set usd [lindex $rate 3]; if {$eur < ($usd*1.30)} {set color red} {set color green}; return "[color $color]${rate}[color]"}
|
||
proc wtduck args {ducksay "What the Duck $args"}
|
||
proc aimf_hello2 args {aimify hello2 $args}
|
||
proc twitterdown {} { string toupper [lindex [regexp -inline -line "(When Twitter\[^<\]*)" [cwget http://whentwitterisdown.com]] 1] }
|
||
proc arabnews1 {} {return "[upper [arabland]] ([newsservice]) - UNICEF rages as [newscompany] reporter [jewfullname] uncovers a story of an underaged victim of [sex_act] convicted to corporal punishment along with the perpetrator."}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.)(_+)\1/} {matches args} {expand {} a b $matches; return $a${b}_$a}
|
||
proc twinkture {} {pt twink}
|
||
proc queers {} {return "They don't care about being hard. They play the game and have fun and then go out for dancing."}
|
||
proc pixtag args { lindex_random $::pixtag }
|
||
proc {my anus} {} {mega shutup}
|
||
proc arabnews2 {} {return "[muslimname], the now [rand 20]-year-old victim, was sentenced last year to [rand 200] [violent_act]s for complicity in [crime]."}
|
||
proc yeah-free {} {. http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/yeah.ogg#.mp3}
|
||
proc pancakes {whipping gonorrhea} {return [benchmark]; set my_mom [utd]; return $bone_on_bone; return "[good sir goons] i just found my sister beating spokkerjones nudes what should i do???? (56k torture)"}
|
||
proc love {{nigger {}}} {act "loves [name $nigger]"}
|
||
proc kallebooner {} kalleboner
|
||
proc arabnews3 {} {return "The offender, known to the public only as \"Mr. [muslim_firstname]\", was sentenced to [rand 10] years of hard labour at [goonjob]."}
|
||
proc sadface {} {. [bt 0.0]\n[bt '-']}
|
||
proc arabnews4 {} {return "Religious leaders all over the country have voiced their support, proclaiming the sentencing to be in full accordance with Sharia law, instead landing accusations of the Jewish-born reporter carrying a Zionist agenda. [muslimtitle] [muslimname] was quoted as saying \"[prophet]\""}
|
||
proc cinit {n x y} {set ::canvas($n) [canvas $x $y]}
|
||
proc magick_face_factor {source_url face_url factor {index {}}} {xset fwidth fheight [get_image_size $face_url]; xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index]; set width [* [- $right $left] $factor]; set height [/ $width [/ $fwidth ${fheight}.0]]; magick composite $source_url [magick_id [magick resize $face_url $width $height]] [- $left [/ [- $width [- $right $left]] 2.0]] [- $top [/ [- $height [- $bottom $top]] 2.0]]}
|
||
proc allowed {str chars} {set out ""; map [explode $str] {x { if {[instr $chars $x] != -1} {append out $x} }}; . $out }
|
||
proc arabnews5 {} {return "Click for Full Article | Video"}
|
||
proc raw_irclog {{n 3}} {set ll [lrange [last [log] [+ 1 $n]] 0 [- $n 1]]; return $ll}
|
||
proc randomgarfieldplusdicks {} {while 1 {set t [expr {int(rand()*978264705)+267062400}]; if [clock format $t -format "%w"] break}; garfieldplusdicks [clock format $t -format "%Y"] [clock format $t -format "%m"] [clock format $t -format "%d"]}
|
||
proc popeyelordofirony {} {bronysay [?? $::brony_quotes]}
|
||
proc man:proc cmd {if [info exists ::man::$cmd(proc)] {. $::man::$cmd(proc)} else {return 0}}
|
||
proc hardchats {} {return " | ) \n ( THX FOR FLYING HARDCHATS!\n *<-' 7/7 NEVER CONNECT \n '->- ` by urmum "}
|
||
proc insult_everyone {} {return "[omg] hey [nice_names]! you're all [faglame] [regsub -nocase {s$} [ethnic_group] {}] [regsub -nocase {s$} [goon_word] {}]s!"}
|
||
proc indian_city {} {lindex_random $::indian_cities}
|
||
proc inanetwit {} {. [choose "" "RT "]@[despace niggername][rand 9001] I cannot believe [political_figure] said that about [hotbutton]! #[despace ethnic_group] #[despace niggerword]}
|
||
proc rlpick {mylist {num 1}} {set out [list]; set r [shuf [seq 0 [- $num 1]]]; map [seq 0 [- $num 1]] {x {lappend out [lindex $mylist [next_in_list $r]]}}; return $out}
|
||
proc appliance {} cooking_appliance
|
||
proc fatbus {} {return "[capitalize [catbus_word]]. [mmm]"}
|
||
proc flickrphoto {id args} {?? [apply flickrphoto_list [list $id $args]]}
|
||
proc emoticon {} { subst [lindex_random $::emoticons] }
|
||
proc worstbuy {} {return "MORE LIKE GAYDEON AM I RITEty good job for me because im in high school and 8.00/hr in HS hey man stop making fun worst buy worst buy worst buy LOL RADEON IS A FAT FAGGOT WHO WORKS RETAIL"}
|
||
proc hard {} {pick 1 {return "SIXTYEIGHTHUNDREDULTRA omgomg wOOt wOOty wOOtsicles!!"} 2 {rainbow "SIXTYEIGHTHUNDREDULTRA omgomg wOOt wOOty wOOtsicles!!"}}
|
||
proc moira {} {. <moira> brb [booze_act_word] a [drink]}
|
||
proc lremove_item {list_var item} {set index [lsearch -exact $list_var $item]; if {$index != -1} {upvar $list_var list ; lremove $list $index; return $list}}
|
||
proc hinecco {{who necco}} {smega {strcat "<[name]> $who: [greeting] [animal_word] [sex_do]er!"}}
|
||
proc zweibelize {{args {}}} {string map {"less" "-less" "helicopter" "gyro-copter"} $args}
|
||
proc go:bottomright {} { uchar 251b }
|
||
proc STunhappybat {} {lindex_random $::unhappybat}
|
||
proc blackjack_set_player {p hand} { array set ::blackjack_player [list $p $hand]; return [blackjack_get_player $p]; }
|
||
proc twitterceleb {} {lindex_random $::twitterceleb}
|
||
proc hark {{who {}}} {return "<@[name $who]> hark! A [random_word]!"}
|
||
proc blackfacts {} { lindex_random $::blackfacts }
|
||
proc string_each {} {}
|
||
proc catpix {} {eval [choose img-hug img-hector img-cat img-sarah {pt cat} {pt trevor,catte} {pt nacho,hodapp} {pt hermano,hodapp} {gis maru cat} img-alice]}
|
||
proc cellronpaul {} {smega {aim -n [cellphonenumber] Vote Ron Paul! [odin]}}
|
||
proc magick_force_format {cmd format id args} {set url [string trim [http://magick.buttes.org/magick.rb?[? cmd $cmd format $format id $id args [join $args +]]]]; if [regexp ^Error: $url] {error [string range $url 7 end]}; return $url}
|
||
proc abevigoda {} {s/<span.*>/[^B]/ [last [/<h1>(.*?)$/lm [60~http://www.abevigoda.com/ffb.php]]]}
|
||
proc colors {} {join [map1 [split_every 2 [lrepeat [seq 0 15]]] {strcat ""}]}
|
||
proc find_faces url {600~http://scrot.aliz.es/scrot.php?Faces=1/$url}
|
||
proc longest_line str {set i 0; foreach line [split $str \n] { if {[string length $line] > $i} {set i [string length $line]} }; return $i }
|
||
proc cellphonenumber {} {set number [mobileprefix]; while {[string length $number] < 10} {set number "$number[rand 9]"}; return "+1$number"}
|
||
proc hash {type args} {. [http://www.hashserver.com/$type/?info=[join $args " "]]}
|
||
proc GoonWorkout {a b} {join [list [bigtext $a] [biggaybowtext $b]] \n}
|
||
proc cowsay {{fart {}}} {stampsay -s cow $fart}
|
||
proc jewsdidwtc {} { ajoin "" [stampsay -r -s wtc "I was done by [jewfullname]"] [stampsay -l -s wtc "I was done by [jewfullname]"]}
|
||
proc rot:serializemat mat {
|
||
set c ""; set v 0; set b 0;
|
||
set my ""; set myc ""; set myv 0; set myb 0;
|
||
set out "";
|
||
set lout [list];
|
||
foreach {row} $mat {
|
||
foreach {elm} $row {
|
||
set my [lindex $elm 0];
|
||
set myc [lindex $elm 1];
|
||
set myb [lindex $elm 2];
|
||
set myv [lindex $elm 3];
|
||
if {$c!=$myc} { append out $myc };
|
||
if {$b!=$myb} { append out [rot:B] };
|
||
if {$v!=$myv} { append out [rot:V] };
|
||
set c $myc;
|
||
set v $myv;
|
||
set b $myb;
|
||
append out $my
|
||
}
|
||
set c "";
|
||
set v 0;
|
||
set b 0;
|
||
|
||
lappend lout $out;
|
||
set out "";
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $lout \n];
|
||
}
|
||
proc moreteavicar? {} toot
|
||
proc dies-at-the-end {} {. lol, didnt u know [string tolower [actor]] dies at the end of [string tolower [movie]]?}
|
||
proc dream {{who {}}} {. I had a dream that [name] came to visit [name $who] and they had wild gaysex}
|
||
proc urcurrentwallpaper {} {return "[name]'s current [os] wallpaper: [gis anime wallpaper]"}
|
||
proc hate {{hater {}} {hated {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$hated eq ""} {set hated [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$hater: why do you hate $hated?"}
|
||
proc aimbradley {{sn {}}} {aim -n [aimname $sn] "Check out this awesome mp3 dude: http://shsc.biz/bradley.mp3 GOON APPROVED [hurf]"}
|
||
proc leeipad-gen url {. (let ((im (image [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url -1 -1 120 155])) (bg [scheme_image_or_sexpr [img-leeipadoverlay]]) ) (composite (composite bg (rotate im -2) 200 249) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc bigmac {} { return "/\\/\\ can i get a big mac" }
|
||
proc chicky {} {return "-_- wan u sum chicky fly lice? -_- "}
|
||
proc lmioot args {pick 1 lmiot\ $args 1 lmoot\ $args}
|
||
proc force_restart_shaniqua {} {[honeypot]}
|
||
proc chatsoft {} {rainbow [strip_color [wt2 "chat soft"]];}
|
||
proc familyguyscript {} { return "FAMILY GUY - EPISODE [rand 101]: \"[string toupper [familyguy_char]] GETS [string toupper [disease_word]]\"\n[subst [join [lselect_random $::familyguy_database 8] \n]]\nROLL CREDITS"}
|
||
proc smallheh {} {return [underline [bold "heh"]]}
|
||
proc ornick {{nick {}}} { or $nick [nick] }
|
||
proc nethack:vwall {} { return \342\224\202 }
|
||
proc bgc2 {c1 c2 c3 str1 str2 str3} {join [adjacent_join [list [nsplit [bgr $c1 $str1]] [nsplit [bgr $c2 $str2]] [nsplit [bgr $c3 $str3]]]] \n}
|
||
proc familyguy {} {return "[familyguy_char]: Remember [80s]?"}
|
||
proc tvpost {message {subject {}} {poster {}}} {if {[clock seconds] <= ([cache fetch bpost last {. 0}] + 10)} {error "not so often jew"}; cache put tvpost last [clock seconds]; set id [tvthread]; http post http://zip.4chan.org/tv/imgboard.php resto $id name $poster com $message pwd gapp mode regist sub $subject; . posted: http://zip.4chan.org/tv/res/$id.html}
|
||
proc bigPIPE {} {return "|\n|\n|\n|\n|"; }
|
||
proc kkkchat {} {join {{ __ _|} { /( /| |'-. /XX\\} { ('') || | | \_O/} { _ / \_ \|_|_.-' _==_} { | / ___"._) (_ / \\} { |/ ( |"""""""""| NO NIGGERS ON} { |( \ | | KKK CHAT} { ;""") \| |} { )/" /|.-------.|} { ' \___/ " "}} \n}
|
||
proc goon_food {} {choose [?? $::goon_liquidfood] [?? $::goon_solidfood]}
|
||
proc satanic args { set n [first_true $args [name]]; regsub -all "SATAN" [satan] $n }
|
||
proc log_grep_nick nick {select [log] {{x} {expr {$nick eq [cadr $x]}}}}
|
||
proc terminal {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; . <$who> I acccidentally 'yes [random_word] [unix] [random_word]' in the wrong terminal}
|
||
proc indianname {} {?? $::indiannames}
|
||
proc disney args {. " __\n /oo\\\n \\_D/"}
|
||
proc your_face {{who {}}} {rain [stampsay -s moira "[name $who]: your face is a [lindex_random $::moira_dict]"]}
|
||
proc to_phonenumber str { map [split [lc $str] {}] {x {string map {0 "0" 1 "1" 2 "2" 3 "3" 4 "4" 5 "5" 6 "6" 7 "7" 8 "8" 9 "9" '#' "#" {*} star a "2" b "2" c "2" d "3" e "3" f "3" g "4" h "4" i "4" j "5" k "5" l "5" m "6" n "6" o "6" p "7" q "7" r "7" s "7" t "8" u "8" v "8" w "9" x "9" y "9" z "9"} $x}}}
|
||
proc randback args {apply [?? [array names ::cutbackpix]]back $args}
|
||
proc lastfm:setlasttrack {user trackid} { cache put lastfmlasttrack $user $trackid }
|
||
proc billymays {} {. "HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR" [upper [random_word] [random_word]]}
|
||
proc eppigy {} { nazisay "FUCK A GUY" }
|
||
proc tacotown {} {. http://clintecker.com/taco-town.wav#.mp3}
|
||
proc dec2str dl {m $dl {x {format %c [regsub -all {^0+} $x {}]}} ""}
|
||
proc japanese_thing {} {lindex_random $::japanese_thing_dict}
|
||
proc fuck args {act "fucks [join $args]"}
|
||
proc celebdeath {} {. [actor] was confirmed dead today in a freak [random_word] accident.}
|
||
proc cached_cur_base {f t} { evalcache cur_base $f $t }
|
||
proc heh_light {} {bt {"heh"}}
|
||
proc colour args {error "please see a dentist for further assistance"}
|
||
proc lastfm:isListeningOrNew {x {now 2000000000}} {if [lastfm:isListening $x] { return 1 } {if {[channel] != "#onebutan" && [channel] != "#fuqbutanz" && [lastfm:isNewTrack $x $now]} { return 1 } { return 0 }}}
|
||
proc fuckword {} {lindex_random $::fuckwords}
|
||
proc aud-lastmeasure {} { ?? $::lastmeasure }
|
||
proc unknown:7:cmd(fuzzy_find_command) {matches args} {error "invalid command name \"[first $args]\" - did you mean \"[join $matches "\", \""]\"?"}
|
||
proc cyber_pickup {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set intro "hey,"} else {set intro "hey $fart,"}; return "$intro i'm [a/s/l] and i can't wait for you to [sex_do] my [sexpart] and make my [sex_fluid] gush!"}
|
||
proc pubchats {} {publish [giga flashsupport]}
|
||
proc seen args {return "$args signed off [expr [rand 23] +1] hours ago. $args was last seen leaving with the [tranny_word]"}
|
||
proc comic_line1 {} {return "[choose "I love" "I hate" "I often think about" "I'm in love with" "You talkin about" "What is this so-called" "Holy" "Wow..." "Amazing" "Wonderful, wonderful" "What do you think about" "Totally digging" "My [relative] was tellin me about" "Niggas looooooove" "Check out this" "Do you like my" "Hello little" "I want more" "Gimme" "Yummy"] [random_word]"}
|
||
proc STss {} ss
|
||
proc dizang {} {s/ang/izang/ [dang]}
|
||
proc bgbtc_troll {} btc_troll2
|
||
proc isnigger n {if {[lsearch $::niggers [lc $n]]!=-1} { return 1 } { return 0 }}
|
||
proc gapes args {
|
||
each [.. 18] {{_} {. [string repeat { } [expr $_]][regsub -all { } [split gapes {}] [string repeat { } $_]]}}
|
||
}
|
||
proc reptoids? {} {set i 0;foreach reptoid $::reptoids { set i [expr $i + [llength [lfilter $reptoid [string tolower [names]]]]] }; return "[color orange on black]/!\\ [color green on black][color red on black]$i [color green on black]suspected reptoids [color orange on black]/!\\"}
|
||
proc cowsex {} {join [list { __} { /..\ } { .\_O/ Cow Sex} { / \ Here's The Beef} { / \ \ __} {/ ._/( )_______@/oO\@} {\. 8==@ -o} { /_/ | W------| |} {(__) | | | |} {`-` ^ ^ ^ ^}] \n}
|
||
proc sombrerify {comic {head { .'```"".}}} {inject [locate $head $comic] $comic {{canvas coords} {embed $canvas ____n____ [first $coords] [- [last $coords] 1]}}}
|
||
proc aimf_tabloid args {aimify tabloid $args}
|
||
proc rorschach_test args { if [llength $args] { return [stampsay -s doctor2 [subst [?? $::rorschach_response]]]; } {return "[img-rorschach]\n[stampsay -s doctor2 What do you see?]";}}
|
||
proc rocketmeter {{boners {}}} {set bonerstring [join [times $boners {=}]]; return "[color white on black]8[color red on black]$bonerstring > [color white on black] That scores $boners on the [color red on black] RED ROCKET SCALE";}
|
||
proc arabnetify args {regsub -all {[^[0-9,.;:/!@#$%^&*()[ ]} [join ${args}] [set ::arabnet]}
|
||
proc blackjack_players {} { return [array names ::blackjack_bid]; }
|
||
proc fancygbs {} {fancyair {General Bullshit} [gbs]}
|
||
proc mladbabble {} {. [mladsay [arabic] [laugh] [toot]]}
|
||
proc go:set_current_game gb { go:assertboard $gb; set ::current_game $gb; }
|
||
proc mirror_right url {magick_scheme (let ((cbimg (image $url)) (x (width cbimg)) (y (height cbimg)) (half (crop cbimg (/ x 2) 0 (/ x 2) y)) (flop (flop half))) (composite cbimg flop 0 0))}
|
||
proc fat_pua {} {subst [?? $::fat_pua_anecdotes]}
|
||
proc berp {{n 0}} {if {$n == 0} {set n [rand 1 10]}; . b[string repeat r [rand 1 $n]][string repeat a $n][string repeat p [rand 1 $n]]t}
|
||
proc butteshack:symbols syms {join [mapx [seq 0 4] i {ajoin " " [lindex $syms $i] [wrap [upper [subst [butteshack:lookup [lindex $syms $i]]]] 30]}] \n}
|
||
proc chess:manValue man {
|
||
array set a {k 0 q 9 b 3.2 n 3 r 5 p 1}
|
||
set a([string tolower $man])
|
||
}
|
||
proc constrain {lower upper n} {if {$n < $lower} {set lower} elseif {$n > $upper} {set upper} else {set n}}
|
||
proc shsc_goon {} {goonsay [join [lrange [split [charliex] \n] 1 end]]}
|
||
proc kalles? {} {eval [concat c [count_kalles]]}
|
||
proc puanec {} {return [p_a]}
|
||
proc lisp_slam {} {fancyair LISP [?? $::lisp_dict]}
|
||
proc warning {} {return [pick 1 relax 1 juden]}
|
||
proc string_first {command string} {. "[string $command [string index $string 0]][string range $string 1 end]"}
|
||
proc promote {} {lindex_random $::promote_dict}
|
||
proc onehug {} { lindex [split [grouphug] "."] 0}
|
||
proc magick_canvas {{width 1} {height 1} {format png} {color transparent}} {magick resize [img-canvas:$format:$color 0] $width $height}
|
||
proc lifehack {} 420
|
||
proc betray {} {lindex_random $::betray_word}
|
||
proc submithug {} {[set hug [grouphug]]; [submitdrudge $::hug]}
|
||
proc beafailure args {aenimaback [upper [en->no [8ball]]]}
|
||
proc tweebone url {. http://tb.scul.us/$url.png}
|
||
proc fatshame fatty {regsub {^(.+?) (.+?)( is)* } [string map {she he She he her his Her his herself himself Herself himself {is is} is lady sir} [fatjoke]] "$fatty is "}
|
||
proc lremove {list_var index} {upvar $list_var list; set list [lreplace $list $index $index]}
|
||
proc aimmathjoke args {aim -n [aimname $args] [mathjoke]}
|
||
proc padlinesto {m lines} {set nlines "";set a " "; foreach j $lines { set sl [string length [strip_all $j]]; if {$sl < $m} { set j "$j[string repeat $a [expr {$m - $sl}]]"; }; lappend nlines $j; }; return $nlines}
|
||
proc rand_ascii_letter {} {return [format %c [expr 33+(round(rand()*92))]]}
|
||
proc hitleron {} {return "<@radeon> god sometimes i just wish someone would pull a hitler on the [word "^\[A-Z].*?(ians|ics|ese)$"]"}
|
||
proc fjord {} {string map {CHATBUS! FJORD!\ \ } [chatbus]}
|
||
proc hostname_ {} { last [split [hostmask] @] }
|
||
proc fufu {} { ajoin "" [fu] [flip [fu]] }
|
||
proc disease {} {?? $::disease_dict}
|
||
proc any? {list {block {x {return $x}}}} {
|
||
foreach value $list {
|
||
if [true? [yield $value]] {
|
||
return 1
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return 0
|
||
}
|
||
proc btc_fill {} {set ::btc_prev [. $::btc_last]; set ::btc_last [_dict_get [json2dict [https://www.bitstamp.net/api/ticker/]] last]}
|
||
proc jizzinto {{args {}}} {jizz_into $args}
|
||
proc STkimjongun {} { return " ##########\n ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯\n (--\[ >\]-\[ <\]\n (_______O__)" }
|
||
proc alexjones {} {. "http://www.youtubedoubler.com/?video1=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D06CvUjLgK5g&video2=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DTMQLLqiKaas"}
|
||
proc omgwill {} {giga {. [nick]: [lindex_random $::omfg]}}
|
||
proc STxd {} {. "\\/|\\\n/\\|/";}
|
||
proc creature {} {return [lindex_random $::creature]}
|
||
proc word_count il {set o {}; set l [remove_stop_words [lsort [split $il {" . , ! ?}]]]; set curr [lc [car $l]]; set cnt 0; foreach elm $l { set elm [lc $elm]; if {$elm == $curr} { incr cnt } { lappend o [list $cnt $curr]; set curr $elm; set cnt 1 }}; lappend o [list $cnt $curr]; return $o}
|
||
proc lselect {list args} {set result [list]; foreach arg $args {if [regexp {^[^.]+\.\.[^.]+$} $arg] {set indexes [split [string map {.. .} $arg] .]; set result [concat $result [lrange $list [lindex $indexes 0] [lindex $indexes 1]]]} {lappend result [lindex $list $arg]}}; return $result}
|
||
proc AVIDbait args {ctcbait {Queen Máxima and Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands and put their bodies in a Mercedes Sprinter van}}
|
||
proc glib {} {return "critical g_io_error_get_from_g_error: assertion `err != NULL' failed"}
|
||
proc STdrill {} {return " _--_\n ) (\n _..--|_ _|--.._\n `-..,______,..-`\n | o\\ /o|\n ( > )\n \\ ,--,\n |\\ `==`\n .-----/| ---- |\\------.\n/ \\`-. .-/ \\"}
|
||
proc bgbt args {text gaybowchar [join $args]}
|
||
proc jailbait {{nick {}}} { return "[bold][color fuchsia]^_^[color green] <[+ 15 [rand 3]]f[girlword]> HI [string toupper [name $nick]]!!! I DREAM OF YOU [string toupper [sex_act]] MY [choose UNSHAVEN HAIRY TRIMMED WAXED UNKEMPT BRAZILLIAN FLOWERY TIGHT LOOSE "WELL-FUCKED" FRIENDLY] [string toupper [lindex_random $::woman_parts]]! [string toupper [fuckword]] ME NOW. [color fuchsia]^_^"}
|
||
proc lowtax_tantrum {} {next_in_list {"DONT FUCKING DRINK IT" "DONT FUCKING BUY IT" "DONT FUCKING CLICK MY LINKS"}}
|
||
proc master_get_perfect {i a b c d} { return [expr [expr $a == [master_gete $i 0]] + [expr $b == [master_gete $i 1]] + [expr $c == [master_gete $i 2]] + [expr $d == [master_gete $i 3]]]; }
|
||
proc _settest {} { set ::settest [clock seconds] }
|
||
proc gis_results query {map [select [regexp -all -inline {imgurl\\x3d(http.+?)\\x26} [6~http://images.google.com/images?[? safe off q $query]]] {match {not [regexp ^imgurl $match]}}] [& urldecode]}
|
||
proc uniq_chars str { set uniq ""; foreach letter [split $str ""] { if {[string first $letter $uniq] < 0 && $letter != "\n"} {append uniq $letter} }; . $uniq}
|
||
proc rot:serializematstringmap {mat map} {
|
||
set c ""; set v 0; set b 0;
|
||
set my ""; set myc ""; set myv 0; set myb 0;
|
||
set out "";
|
||
set lout [list];
|
||
foreach {row} $mat {
|
||
foreach {elm} $row {
|
||
set my [lindex $elm 0];
|
||
set myc [lindex $elm 1];
|
||
set myb [lindex $elm 2];
|
||
set myv [lindex $elm 3];
|
||
if {$c!=$myc} { append out $myc };
|
||
if {$b!=$myb} { append out [rot:B] };
|
||
if {$v!=$myv} { append out [rot:V] };
|
||
set c $myc;
|
||
set v $myv;
|
||
set b $myb;
|
||
append out [string map $map $my]
|
||
}
|
||
set c "";
|
||
set v 0;
|
||
set b 0;
|
||
lappend lout $out;
|
||
set out "";
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $lout \n];
|
||
}
|
||
proc STpenis {} {return " _ \n /\\)\n / / \n( Y) \n \"\" "}
|
||
proc bigteef {} {biggaytext [strip_color [teef]]}
|
||
proc sexmeal {} {return "[capitalize [choose [sexpart] [sexfluid]]]. [fatgoon_finale]."}
|
||
proc roundtrip {text {abroad de} {home en}} {translate $abroad $home [translate $home $abroad $text]}
|
||
proc rands_v2 {{oi 30}} {string map {" " ""} [lselect_random {"H" "U" "L" "A" "G" " "} $oi]}
|
||
proc randeon {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs radeon*]]}
|
||
proc mmbuster {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who [master_col [int [expr rand()*5+1]]] [master_col [int [expr rand()*5+1]]] [master_col [int [expr rand()*5+1]]] [master_col [int [expr rand()*5+1]]] Perfect Matches [rand 3] Not So Perfect Matches [rand 3] Misses [rand 2]"}
|
||
proc anus {} {. non-error: valid entry point \"anus\"}
|
||
proc civguy {} {. " ooooooM \n ooMMMMMMMMMMMMo \n oMMMMMMMMMMMM\"MMMMo \n oMMMMMMMMM\"\"\" \"\"\"MMMo \n oMMMMM \" \" \"MM \n MMMMM M\" \n MMMMM \" M \n \"MMMMo o oo o\" ooooM\" \n o\"MM M\"\" \"\"\" o\" \" \n Mo o \" \" M o Mo \n MMo o o o oM \n oMMMMoooooMMMMMMMoMM \n \"MMMMMMMM\"\"\"\"\"\"MMMMM \n MMMMMMMMMMoMMMMMM\" \n MM\"MMMMM\"o\"MMM\"MMMMMM o \n ooMMM \"MMMMoooo\"oMMMMMMMMMMM \n ooMMMMMMMo \"\"\"\"M\" \"\"oMMMMMMMMMM +----------+ \nMMMMMMMMMMM o \"\" \"\"MMMMMMMMMMM | OKAY | \nMMMMMMMMMMMo o \"MMMMMMMMMMM +----------+ \nMMMMMMMMMMMMo o oMMMMMMMMMMMM "}
|
||
proc rmsn {} {smega {subst {.rmsn 0}} 5}
|
||
proc goonmp3player . {Basically, I want it to be somewhat compact, preferably with 2GB or more space, good interface and HAS to have USB 2.0 transfer speeds and be USB rechargable. Anyone know of a decent player fitting these requirements in the 70-150 dollar range?}
|
||
proc list_vals l {set vals [list]; foreach {key val} $l { lappend vals $val; }; return $vals }
|
||
proc pubproc {proc num} {publish [. [subst [string repeat {[$proc]\n} [expr {int($num)}]]]]}
|
||
proc onion {} {?? [odds [regex -all -inline {data-title="([^"]+)"} [wget http://www.theonion.com/features/news-in-brief]]]}
|
||
proc randbait {} {[?? [info proc *bait]]}
|
||
proc image-rule34-good {source_url {index {}} {x34 0.9} {y34 0.85} {url34 http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/5/51/Rule34Exploitable.png}} {
|
||
xset width34 height34 [get_image_size $url34];
|
||
xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index];
|
||
set width [- $right $left]; set height [- $bottom $top];
|
||
set rheight [expr int(0.75 * $height)];
|
||
set rwidth [expr int($width34 * $rheight/ (1.0*$height34))];
|
||
set ry [expr $bottom - $rheight + $rheight - int($y34 * $rheight)];
|
||
set rx [expr $left + $width/2 - $rwidth + $rwidth - int($x34 * $rwidth)];
|
||
magick composite [magick_id $source_url] [magick_id [magick resize $url34 $rwidth $rheight]] $rx $ry
|
||
}
|
||
proc blackcomedian {} {return "WHITE PEOPLE: \"[cached_onehug]\"\nBLACK PEOPLE: \"[niggerphrase]\"" }
|
||
proc winkieplot {} {return [string map {"Michael Roach" Winkie} [mroachplot]]}
|
||
proc mmmporn {} {. [?? $::porn_scenes_dict] [mmm] }
|
||
proc buttbutt {} {return "blah"}
|
||
proc foldoc word {set html [lindex [http post http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict Form Dict2 Database foldoc Query $word] 2];join [lrange [split [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -inline {<pre>\s*(.+?)\s*</pre>} $html] 1]]] \n] 3 end] \n}
|
||
proc evalor args { eval [lindex_random $args] }
|
||
proc tinyss {} { . ϟϟ }
|
||
proc rumpelstiltskin {{name {}}} {regsub GAY [gayagenda] [upper [first_true $name [name]]'s]}
|
||
proc holiday {} {return "A devout [religious] commits no [crime] on [day]. This is to honour the time [deity] [choose "destroyed [country]" "killed a city of [religious]s"] for us."}
|
||
proc randomdccchat {} { return "\1DCC CHAT CHAT [rand 2000000000] [rand 1024]\1"; }
|
||
proc matrix_colours {} {next_in_list {03 09}}
|
||
proc aaaatestoagain args {lindex $args 1}
|
||
proc bloggify args {join [mapx [seq 1 [llength [split [join $args]]]] x blog_word]}
|
||
proc pig_tax {} {pix_tag lowtax}
|
||
proc gaydar:placenick {canvas nick} { set xy [gaydar:randomlocation]; embed $canvas [gaydar:name $nick] [car $xy] [cadr $xy] }
|
||
proc colin args {. <colin> fuck the [colinhates]}
|
||
proc tuxpaint-bbq-gen url {
|
||
set head "(let ((img (image $url )) (w (width img)) (h (height img)) ";
|
||
set ndongs [+ 1 [rand 6]];
|
||
set dongs [join [map [seq 1 $ndongs] {{x} {. (dong$x (rotate (image [tuxpaintstamp]) (rand 360)))}}] " "];
|
||
set body [inject [seq 1 $ndongs] img {{x o} {. (composite $x dong$o (rand w) (rand h))}}];
|
||
return "$head $dongs ) $body )"
|
||
}
|
||
proc polishify word {. [string map -nocase {a n b o c p d q e r f s g t h u i v j w k x l y m z n a o b p c q d r e s f t g u h v i w j x k y l z m} $word][choose "mi" "ki" "yn" "zy" "sz" "wy" "ka"]}
|
||
proc aimjrelol args { aim -n [aimname $args] [jrelol] }
|
||
proc dflip str {flip [vflip $str]}
|
||
proc crw_lmiot {} {subst -nobackslashes [string map {{BUTTES CHAT} {[string toupper [crw_word]]}} [butteschat]]}
|
||
proc shiver str {join [map1 [split $str] powerbook]}
|
||
proc lmaoname {} {return "[capitalize [viet_name]] [capitalize [viet_name]] [alshort]"}
|
||
proc chocolate rain {set out ""; foreach line [split $rain "\n"] {append out "[color red on orange]$line\n"}; return $out}
|
||
proc goon_diagnosis {} {goonsay "[dralbot], you god damn [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]. [fatgoon_finale]"}
|
||
proc aimterdlink args {aim -n [aimname $args] "terdlink is where we press our bare asses together and poo into each other's buttholes"}
|
||
proc google args {if !{[string length [set results [last [regexp -inline {^-([0-9]+?) } $args]]]]} { set results 10; } else { set args [last [regexp -inline {^-[0-9]+? (.+)$} $args]] }; if {[regexp {^-[0-9]+? } $args]} { set results \1; }; each [regexp -all -inline {<a href="/url\?q=(.+?)&.+?>(.+?)</a>} [last [http get https://www.google.com.tr/search?q=[urlescape $args]&num=$results]]] {{match url title} {. "\002[html $title]\002 - \x1f$url\x1f"}}}
|
||
proc bitlyclicks id { cadr [regexp -inline -all {>(\d+)<} [grep "<span id=\"globalClicksCount\">" [wget "http://bit.ly/info/$id"]]] }
|
||
proc nigger_prions {} {moirasay [niggerize [prions] [mmm] [lastwords]]}
|
||
proc lilweed {} {colorize [shrink [ascii weed]] 3}
|
||
proc wimos {} {rufassay wimos}
|
||
proc usfolks {} {lindex_random $::usfolks}
|
||
proc cyber2 {{onefag {}} {twofag {}}} {set one [name $onefag]; set two [name $twofag]; if {$one eq $two} {append one ""; append two "|away"}; return "[subst [join [lselect_random $::cyber_database 10] \n]]"}
|
||
proc ryramid str {set ret [list]; foreach i {9 7 5 3 1} {lappend ret [center [string repeat $str $i] [expr {[string length $str]*9}]]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc bitcoin {cmd str} {wget http://gangnet.ru/bw.php?str=$str}
|
||
proc hypnofit {} {. "HEEEEEEEEEY watchandweight this is what I'm wearing today. I've got [articleize [ww_item]], a new [ww_item], and this [ww_item] I've had my eyes on for a long time now. Not sure what I should do about the [ww_item] so let me know what you think!"}
|
||
proc coolest_story {} {. {Last night me and my buds were sitting at a park because we had some extra lures and two cop cars rolled up and went "hey guys I know Pokemon are in there but we gotta ask you guys to leave". They then joked about how they're gonna catch them all for themselves while we left haha. We're lucky to have such cool people on our law enforcement}}
|
||
proc roulette_empty {} { return [expr $::roulette_current_chamber >= $::roulette_n_chambers] }
|
||
proc newsgroup {} {return alt.binaries.[join [mapx [seq 1 [expr [rand 4]+1]] x hyphenword] .]}
|
||
proc aimf_onehug args {aimify onehug $args}
|
||
proc english {lang args} {lindex [regexp -inline {<div style=padding:10px;>(.*?)</div>} [http post http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr lp [append lang _en] trtext [join $args]]] 1}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^image-(\w+)head(:(-?[\d.]+))?$/} {matches cmd url {index {}}} {set factor [lindex $matches 3]; if {$factor eq ""} {set factor 1}; set head [img-[lindex $matches 1]head]; if {$factor < 0} {set head [magick flop $head]; set factor [* -1 $factor]}; magick_face_factor $url $head $factor $index}
|
||
proc stallman_interject {} {. $::stallman_interject}
|
||
proc wheelchair {} { subst [lindex_random $::wheelchair] }
|
||
proc foldox {_x _y _dfl _list _code} {set _y $_dfl; upvar $_y $_y; upvar $_x $_x; foreach $_x $_list { set $_y [uplevel 1 $_code]}; return $_y; }
|
||
proc blackjack_bid {i a} { blackjack_if_init; array set ::blackjack_player [list $i { } ]; array set ::blackjack_bid [list $i $a]; return $a}
|
||
proc incogsgame {} {if {[nick] == "incog"} {. ON SACTION} {idole}}
|
||
proc blarghsay {{args {}}} {if {$args eq ""} {set args [string map {"<@Blargh> " ""} [blargh]]}; stampsay -s gerbil $args}
|
||
proc weev2014 args {. $::midgets_hang}
|
||
proc sayjapan {{propa {}}} {set wstring [join [times [expr [string length $propa ]+7] {}]]; return "[color white on white]$wstring\n[color red on white] [name $propa] \n[color white on white]$wstring"}
|
||
proc randomruleofacquisition {} {lindex_random $::rule_of_acquisition}
|
||
proc image-rolling {img {n 5} {delay 0.1}} { set mod [expr 360 / $n]; apply "animate -delay $delay" [fmap [seq 1 $n] x "magick_center_rotate $img \[* $mod \$x\]"] }
|
||
proc hotbutton {} {lindex_random $::hotbuttons}
|
||
proc bgfx args {bristolgraphical $args}
|
||
proc hangmanify args {foreach {m n} [join [regexp -all -indices -inline -nocase {[a-z]} [set ar_s [join ${args}]]]] { if {[rand 20] > 10} { set ar_s [string replace ${ar_s} ${m} ${m} _] } }; set ar_s}
|
||
proc goonfix {} {?? $::goon_fix_dict}
|
||
proc brony {} {return $::_brony}
|
||
proc rot:serializemat:test {} {
|
||
set i1 [list "[rot:C]1,1 1 2 3 4" "[rot:C]2,2 5 6 7 8" "[rot:C]3,3 9 10 11 12" "[rot:C]4,4 13 14 15 16"];
|
||
|
||
return [rot:serializemat [rot:convertstrlist $i1]];
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
proc STdrostegoon {} { drostegoon; }
|
||
proc second args {if {[llength $args]==1} { return [lindex [lindex $args 0] 1]} {return [lindex $args 1]}}
|
||
proc aimfurrypeace {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [furrypeace]}
|
||
proc penguin {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart "I LIKE LINUX AND GETTING KICKED IN THE BALLS AND FACE"}; stampsay -s penguin $fart}
|
||
proc liljon {} {subst [next_in_list $::getlow]}
|
||
proc ultraseinfeld {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> and what's the deal with [mood_word] [goon_word] [strip_u [fetish_porn]]?"}
|
||
proc seinisland {} {return "If you were stranded on an island and could only take one thing, would it be a [strip_s [goon_word]] [strip_s [goon_word]] or a sack of [seinfeld_word] ?"}
|
||
proc livejournal2 {} {return "Topic: [random_word]\nIt was a Saturday night and I was hanging out with [acquaintance] and we were smoking a [food_word]. I had been smoking a lot and really started to feel like [sex_act]. I went to see my boyfriend in the other room. All of a sudden I felt really [mood_word] and I thought the room was turning into [random_word]. I started getting really [mood_word] and my boyfriend tried to tell me something and I punched him."}
|
||
proc datreddit {} http://i.imgur.com/ThcPN.gif
|
||
proc aodfijasdlfaksnb {{num 32}} {randomRangeString $num}
|
||
proc delysid {} {goonsay "Firefox is pretty shitty, I agree. I like the tabbed browsing but other than that IE > Firefox. Our website where I work looks like shit when viewed in Firefox and some of the javascript doesn't work properly. Plus when you use java applets in Firefox it takes up MUCH more memory than in IE."}
|
||
proc image-snipe url { magick_overlay $url http://imgur.com/qKQKd.png }
|
||
proc tweeters {} {column $::tweeters 1}
|
||
proc potus {{who {}}} {return "I, [name $who] am going to kill [president], the President of the United States."}
|
||
proc abeztest1 {} { info level 1 }
|
||
proc bigcolormooninite {} { string map [list 0 "[color 1 1] " 1 "[color 0 3] " 2 "[color 0 2] "] $::colormooninite }
|
||
proc randomcomic {text {title {}} {author {}} {style {}}} { abezcomic $text [or $title [word]] [or $style [?? $::comicstyles]] [or $author [nick]] }
|
||
proc canvas {{width 72} {height 10}} { set ol [list]; foreach x [seq 1 $height] {lappend o [string repeat " " $width]}; join $o \n}
|
||
proc de-buttes url {regsub -all {^http://i.buttes.org/(index.php/)?} $url {}}
|
||
proc whatisbuttes? {} {return "We are a [size] collective of [adjective] [choose [ethnic_group] [marginalize]s [faglame]s [niggerword]s]"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^↑(↑*)([^\/]*)\/(.+)$/} {matches cmd} {^ [string length [lindex $matches 1]] [lindex $matches 2] [lindex $matches 3]}
|
||
proc maxstringlength a {set m 0; foreach j $a { set sl [string length [strip_all $j]]; if {$m < $sl} {set m $sl}}; return $m}
|
||
proc image-steve args { steve_scheme [or $args [cdr [randtag]]] }
|
||
proc aimterrorist2 args {aim -n [aimname $args] [terrorist2]}
|
||
proc auklebaukleauk {{penis Whatbot}} {return "$penis: [crw_word]"}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^@(w+)/ {matches args} {lasttwat [lrange $matches 1 end]}
|
||
proc swirc {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: this is an IRC chat chamber for straight, white males ONLY"}
|
||
proc powerbook args {set str [string trim [strip_color [join $args]]]; return [string repeat [string index $str 0]- 3]$str}
|
||
proc goonmeal {} {ajoin "" [STshake] [STburger] [STfries]}
|
||
proc fuckingnda {} {. "no, fuck [bold]you\nhttp://developer.apple.com/iphone/program/"}
|
||
proc ujpeg {url {width 80}} {string map "@ ▒ O ▒ o ░ . { }" [jpg blah $url $width]}
|
||
proc trannies {} { lindex_random $::trannies_dict }
|
||
proc unichar_dec num {if {$num > 0xffff} { return \uFFFD } else { return [subst \\u[format %x $num]]}}
|
||
proc aimmissingunixfile {{name {}}} {aim -n [aimname $name] Hey, I can't start that program, it says I'm missing [unix_path]/[underscoreword]_[underscoreword].so}
|
||
proc penisjudge {{who {}}} {return "[name $who] has a [size_word] penis"}
|
||
proc sam_plot {} {. "\"[ucwords [sam_word]][sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1982 [rand 26]]) tells the story of Sam Stephenson ([celebrity]) growing up in a [era] [state], coping with [sam_word], [sam_word], and [sam_word]. [review]"}
|
||
proc fdsgsdfgsdfgs {cocks args} {set {::tmp67$tmp68} [uc [join $args]];set {::tmp67} "$cocks"}
|
||
proc STdalek {} {. " ____\n / @ \\==\]|\[=(\]\n |--------|\n ==========\n ==========\n ||||||||||||\n |||||||||| --\]\n \[=========\\ \]\n \[==============|\n C| @ @ @ @ @ @ D\n | \\ . *\n C| @ @ @ @ @ @ D\n | \\* *\n C| @ @ @ @ @ @ D\n | \\ *\n|@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@\n -----------------------"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^more(.+)\?$/} args {wet yes}
|
||
proc oregon_trail_killed {{name {}}} {return [choose "You killed [expr [rand 100000] + 200] lbs. of [name $name], but you can only carry 200 lbs back to the wagon." "You killed [expr [rand 100000] + 200] lbs. of [name $name], but you can only carry 200 lbs back to the wagon.\nIf you continue to hunt in this area, game will become scarce."]}
|
||
proc fml______ {{id random}} {if {[incr ::fml -1]<1} {set ::fml [rand 4 20]}; unescape_html_entities [last [regexp -inline {<text>(.*)</text>} [http://api.betacie.com/view/$id/nocomment?key=4b3245d9eb946&language=en]]]}
|
||
proc adventures_of_moira_comics {} {split_every 16 [lines [cwget http://i.conio.net/adventures_of_moira_.txt]]}
|
||
proc aimholocaust {{who {}}} {return "[aim -n [aimname $who] There are some things me and my friends just don't buy about the \"holocaust\"... for example, [holohoax_question]]"}
|
||
proc alpha_stroked args { alpha_replace ȺɃȻĐɆFǤĦƗɈꝀŁMNØⱣꝖɌSŦᵾVWXɎƵ [join $args] }
|
||
proc blackjack_get_player p { return [lindex [array get ::blackjack_player $p] 1];}
|
||
proc overheard2 {} { set one [lindex_random $::overheard_people]; set two [lindex_random $::overheard_people]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [overheardline]\n$two: [[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug mystic]]\n$one: [overheardline]\n-- [jew_york_street] & [jew_york_street]"}
|
||
proc lady-liberty image {magick_composite_bottom_left $image [img-lady-liberty]}
|
||
proc STskull {} {join {{ .--. } {( oo )} { |''| } { "" }} \n }
|
||
proc winks {} {}
|
||
proc ignore {} {return "I have put you on a permanent ignore, public and private. I have found you disturbing, rude and generally not worth talking to. According to the channels you hang on, it strengtens the effect of wanting to put you on ignore because of my lack of interest in you as a person. This message is not meant to be rude to you, just to inform you that i won't see anything of what you type from now on."}
|
||
proc hillary {} {lindex [regexp -inline -line {<a class="phrase" href="/">(.*?)</a>} [wget http://hillaryismomjeans.com]] 1}
|
||
proc image-fu-right img { magick-scale-composite-bottom-right $img [~magick flop http://churchturing.org/x/middlefinger.png] 0.65 }
|
||
proc overheard_in_washington {} {set p1 [political_figure]; set p2 [political_figure]; . "$p1: [upper [hotbutton]]\n$p2: [upper [insult_verb] those who [choose support oppose] [hotbutton]]\n$p1: [upper you fucking [faglame]]\n-- [lindex_random $::washington_place]"}
|
||
proc hd-dvd {} { return "09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0" }
|
||
proc catagenda_for_export {{cat {}} {n 4}} { set cat [buttes_cat_or_other $cat]; set starttime [+ [rand 6] 9]; return "[upper $cat] AGENDA:\n[join [mapx [szip [seq $starttime [+ [- $n 1] $starttime]] [getnuniq $n catagenda:event]] x {ljoin [gayagenda:time [car $x]] " " [wrap [upper [cadr $x]] 10]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc color args {if ![llength $args] {return };if {[lindex $args 0] eq "default"} {return };set ret [color_of [lindex $args 0]]; if {[llength $args] > 1} {if {[lindex $args 1] eq "on"} {append ret ,[color_of [lindex $args 2]]} {append ret ,[color_of [lindex $args 1]]}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc find_face {source_url {index {}}} {set faces [find_faces $source_url]; if ![llength $faces] {error "no faces found in source image"}; if {$index eq ""} {?? $faces} else {if {$index >= [llength $faces]} {error "couldn't find face #$index"}; lindex $faces $index}}
|
||
proc smegma {cmd args} {smega "$cmd $args"}
|
||
proc moira_comic {} {. THE ADVENTURES OF MOIRA_\n[embed [ajoin " " [moira_comic_frame] [moira_comic_frame]] jgs 75 14]}
|
||
proc winkz {} {return "[hacker "[winkz_word] [winkz_word] [winkz_word] [winkz_word] [winkz_word]"]"}
|
||
proc gaywrap {str cols} {string range [wrap $str $cols] 1 end}
|
||
proc aotw args {if {$args == ""} {set args [week_hash]} {set args [week_hash_guess $args]}; last [array get ::aotw $args]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/d2opers(.+?)$/} {match cmd args} {[last $match]}
|
||
proc sayfrance args {set wstring ""; for { set i 1 } {$i<=([string length $args]+2) } { incr i } { append wstring " " } ; return "[color blue on blue] [color white on white]$wstring[color red on red] \n[color blue on blue] [color blue on white] [name $args] [color red on red] \n[color blue on blue] [color white on white]$wstring[color red on red] \n"}
|
||
proc pubrand {} {publish [giga ??????]}
|
||
proc gayamid {{who {}}} {rainbow [pyramid "[name $who] "]}
|
||
proc ctrlo {} {return }
|
||
proc lmiot args {. " __ __\n /..\\ /| |'-.\n .\\_O/ || | | OH WOW\n _ / `._ \\|_|_.-' [string toupper $args]\n| / \\__.`=._) (_\n|/ ._/ |\"\"\"\"\"\"\"\"\"| LET ME IN\n|'. `\\ | | ON THIS\n;\"\"\"/ / | |\n ) /_/| |.-------.|\n' `-`' \" \""}
|
||
proc isjakkhigh {} is_jakk_high
|
||
proc km_plot {} {. "\"[ucwords [?? $::kalleboo_mroach_dict]][sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1982 [rand 26]]) tells the story of [randor {Michael Roach} {Karl Baron}] ([celebrity]) growing up in a [era] [randor [state] Sweden], coping with [?? $::kalleboo_mroach_dict], [?? $::kalleboo_mroach_dict], and [?? $::kalleboo_mroach_dict]. [review]"}
|
||
proc aembed {f e xx yy {transparency { }}} {
|
||
set y 0;
|
||
set canvas $f;
|
||
set fsize [2dsize $f];
|
||
set esize [2dsize $e];
|
||
set lines [split $f \n];
|
||
foreach line $lines {
|
||
for {set x 0} {$x < [lindex $fsize 1]} {incr x} {
|
||
set fcurrent [string index [pad_line $line [lindex $fsize 1]] $x];
|
||
set ecurrent [2dgetchar $e [- $x $xx] [- $y $yy]];
|
||
if { $ecurrent eq "" } { set ecurrent $fcurrent };
|
||
if { $x >= $xx && $x <= [+ $xx [lindex $esize 1]] && $y >= $yy && $y <= [+ $yy [lindex $esize 3]] } {
|
||
if { [string equal $transparency $ecurrent] == 0 } {
|
||
set canvas [2dsetchar $canvas $x $y $ecurrent]
|
||
} else {
|
||
set canvas [2dsetchar $canvas $x $y $ecurrent]
|
||
}
|
||
} else {
|
||
set canvas [2dsetchar $canvas $x $y $ecurrent]
|
||
}
|
||
};
|
||
incr y
|
||
};
|
||
. $canvas
|
||
}
|
||
proc spookhint {} { . Spook Hint: [subst [?? $::spookhint]]}
|
||
proc niggerphrase {} {subst [lindex_random $::niggerphrases]}
|
||
proc gnaa {} {return "Are you GAY? Are you a NIGGER? Are you a GAY NIGGER?"}
|
||
proc trueamerican {} {set merkin [pick 1 {return AMERICAN} 10 {return 'MERKIN}]; . [americanize "I AM A TRUE $merkin AND I INVENTED [string toupper [?? $::american_inventions]]"]}
|
||
proc swastisay args {ajoin " " [cswas] "\n\n[bt [join $args]]" [cswas]}
|
||
proc blackmarket {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; set ret "opens her coat and asks $who if he wants to buy some "; append ret [strip_u [fetish_porn]]; return "\001ACTION $ret\001"}
|
||
proc slice2 {{who {}} {buttes {}}} {if {$buttes eq ""} {set buttes [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$buttes> dude $who if u dont fucken stop runnin ur mouth about my girlfriend im gonanf ucken slice your eyes"}
|
||
proc rumour {} {return "learn to spell, faggot"}
|
||
proc puntme10 {{to {}} {who puntme}} {. "<[name $who]> [name $to] whats your sass account"}
|
||
proc head {n args} {if {[llength $args] == 0} {set str $n; set n 10} {set str [lindex $args 0]}; join [lrange [lines $str] 0 [expr $n-1]] \n}
|
||
proc __score n { set a {Insightful Informative Interesting Funny}; . Score: $n, [lindex $a $n] }
|
||
proc buttesclique {{who {}}} {. "[name $who]: dude okay I will only say this once. I was part of the buttes clique like, at least three years before you were. I mean no disrespect; I know you are powerful in SCAM. but seriously, I have WAAAAAYY more history than you. doesn't mean we can't be friends, i'm just saying: step off."}
|
||
proc comic_line {} {eval "[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug random_word comic_line1 moiradrunk ripper_line overheardline]"}
|
||
proc slice3 {{name {}}} {eval "string map {{my girlfriend} {[acquaintance]} eyes {[body_part]} slice {[regsub ing [act_word] {}]}} {[slice [name $name]]}"}
|
||
proc puntme11 {{who puntme}} {. "<[name $who]> watch out he'll make a proc out of it"}
|
||
proc hugeapple {} {string map [list "[color 0 on 0]*" "[color] "] [cdraw [hexbitmap [regsub -all . {0000000000033 0000000000333 0000000000333 000000000333 00000000033 0003333300033333 00333333333333333 08888888888888888 0888888888888888 888888888888888 777777777777777 777777777777777 777777777777777 4444444444444444 44444444444444444 044444444444444444 06666666666666666 00666666666666666 0066666666666666 000aaaaaaaaaaaaa 0000aaa0000aaa} {\0\0}]]]}
|
||
proc ctrlv {} {return ""}
|
||
proc aiminsulting args {aim -n [aimname $args] [strip_newlines2 [smega {choose [ethnic_group] [faglame] [sex_fluid] [random_word] [sexpart] [crw_word] [drug_word] [disease_word] [nazispook]}]]}
|
||
proc array_mapx {_a _x _y _c} {mapx [array names ::$_a] x {array_mapx:tuple_eval [array get ::$_a $x] $_x $_y $_c}}
|
||
proc ramsay {} ramsay_word
|
||
proc biggoldtext str {text goldchar $str}
|
||
proc goofy_unicode_char char {format "%c" "$char"}
|
||
proc csplit s {
|
||
set f 0;
|
||
set r [list];
|
||
set a [list];
|
||
set e [list];
|
||
set i 0;
|
||
foreach c [split $s ""] {
|
||
switch -- $f {
|
||
0 {
|
||
switch -- $c {
|
||
{set f 1;set b }
|
||
{lappend e [list $i ]}
|
||
{lappend e [list $i ]}
|
||
{lappend e [list $i ]}
|
||
{lappend e [list $i ]}
|
||
default {lappend a $c;incr i}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
1 {
|
||
switch -regexp -- $c {
|
||
\\d {append b $c;incr f}
|
||
default {lappend e [list $i $b];lappend a $c;incr i;set f 0}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
2 {
|
||
switch -regexp -- $c {
|
||
\\d {append b $c;incr f}
|
||
, {append b $c;set f 4}
|
||
default {lappend e [list $i $b];lappend a $c;incr i;set f 0}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
3 {
|
||
switch -- $c {
|
||
, {append b $c;incr f}
|
||
default {lappend e [list $i $b];lappend a $c;incr i;set f 0}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
4 {
|
||
switch -regexp -- $c {
|
||
\\d {append b $c;incr f}
|
||
default {lappend e [list $i $b];lappend a $c;incr i;set f 0}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
5 {
|
||
switch -regexp -- $c {
|
||
\\d {append b $c;lappend e [list $i $b];set f 0}
|
||
default {lappend e [list $i $b];lappend a $c;incr i;set f 0}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [list $a $e]
|
||
}
|
||
proc magickcanvas {{width 300} {height 300} {url http://cryptosystem.org/images/sa/spacewhite.png}} {magick resize $url $width $height}
|
||
proc goonfox {} {fedoragoonsay [javafox]}
|
||
proc wunderground_fmt_fun pageSnippet {concat [lrange [wunderground_fmt $pageSnippet] 0 8] [list [list [totitle [. [weather1] [weatherword]]] [totitle [. [weathercondition] [maybe_measure]]]]]}
|
||
proc swingler_cat {} {. "This just in: TREVOR IS [bold][string toupper [?? $::cat_dict]].[bold] More at [?? [seq 5 11]]." }
|
||
proc lapply {list cmd} { map $list {x {$cmd $x}} }
|
||
proc dafur {{who {}}} {. hey [name $who], you are gorillas, i kill you until you die from it, you are badly dressed, we killed your god}
|
||
proc dict.org {word {db *}} {set html [cwget http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict?Form=Dict2&Database=$db&Query=$word];html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -inline {<pre>\s*(.+?)\s*</pre>} $html] 1]]}
|
||
proc mathjoke {} {lindex_random $::mathjoke}
|
||
proc STsaq1 {} { return " _\n _/\\)_ \n |( Y)| \n ^ || ^\n ``"; }
|
||
proc catsay args {ajoin "" [wrap [join $args] 50] "\n\\" [STkitty]}
|
||
proc STsaq2 {} { return " _ \n _/\\)_ \n /( Y)| \n^ |\\ ^\n ` `";}
|
||
proc trashmag {} 36dollar
|
||
proc STsaq3 {} { return " _ \n _/\\),\n |( Y)\\\n ^ /| ^\n ` `"; }
|
||
proc weirdwars {} {s/mind/[string toupper [random_word]]/i [infowars]}
|
||
proc trannyroulette {} {vizgis [trannies]}
|
||
proc slice {{who {}}} { if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "dude $who if u dont fucken stop runnin ur mouth about my girlfriend im gonanf ucken slice your eyes"}
|
||
proc image-linux url {xset width height [get_image_size $url]; magick resize [magick posterize [magick resize $url [/ $width [?? {1.0 2.0 3.0}]] [/ $height [?? {1.0 2.0 3.0}]]] [rand 4 10]] [* $width [?? {1.0 2.0 3.0}]] [* $height [?? {1.0 2.0 3.0}]]}
|
||
proc STsaq4 {} { return " _ \n _/\\),\n /( Y)\\\n^ /\\ ^\n ` `";}
|
||
proc DONGDONGDONG {} {return "your a home"}
|
||
proc roll args { set cmd [regsub -all {[^0-9d]} [string tolower [join $args]] ""]; if [regexp {([1-9]\d{0,5})?(d?([1-9]\d{0,5}))} $cmd {} a {} b] {if {$a eq ""} {set a 1}; return [expr {int(rand()*($a*$b - $a + 1))+$a}]} {error "make sense faggot"}}
|
||
proc magick-scale {img percent} {magick-scale_scheme $img $percent}
|
||
proc fuss {{who {}}} {return "\<[name $who]\> fuss with my [body_part]"}
|
||
proc STsaq5 {} { return "x _ x \n \\_/\\)/ \n ( Y) \n || \n ``";}
|
||
proc !!_ {} {eval [cdr [lindex [linit [lgrep {***:(?i)^tcl } [map [log] {{x} {last $x}}]]] end-[- [info level] 1] ]]}
|
||
proc elanor args {. "That's why cats are so great. You don't have to $args them all the time"}
|
||
proc testytest666v1 args {set r [poop [ornick $args]];[join $r]}
|
||
proc laffed return {i laffed lol lmbo}
|
||
proc STtardbird {} {return " ,\n _,-\"\"-._\n ,\" \".\n / ,-, ,\"\\\n\" / \\ | o|\n\\ `-o-\" `-',\n `, _.--'`'--`\n `--`---'"}
|
||
proc poophistogram {{nick {}}} { set nick [or $nick [nick]]; . "Hours since last poop for $nick\n[histogram [_poophours $nick]]" }
|
||
proc foldxo {_x _y _dfl _list _code} {upvar $_x $_x; upvar $_y $_y; set _ret $_dfl; set $_y $_dfl; foreach $_x $_list { set _ret [uplevel 1 $_code]; set $_y $_ret}; return $_ret; }
|
||
proc nnegromg {{a {}}} {rainbow [nomg $a]}
|
||
proc glue {{who wispurs}} {set who [name $who]; string toupper "fuck $who; $who sux; $who is dying; $who is dead to me; $who hit wtc; $who -> glue"}
|
||
proc goonmeet {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [wrap "EXCUSE ME COULD YOU PLEASE PASS THE RANCH" 17]}; embed [embed [embed [biggestgoon 7] [chins 4] 4 5] [chins 3] 18 6] [wrap $fart 17] 35 5 }
|
||
proc imgaflipcompose url {set norm [magick_id [magick resize $url 150 150]]; set flop [magick_id [magick flop $norm]]; set flip [magick_id [magick flip $norm]]; set flipflop [magick_id [magick flip $flop]]; cache put imgaflip_norm $url $norm; cache put imgaflip_flop $url $flop; cache put imgaflip_flip $url $flip; cache put imgaflip_flipflop $url $flipflop}
|
||
proc glug {{what {}}} {moirasay [knowher $what] [haioh]}
|
||
proc belikedan {} { . "< dan> [name]\n< dan> you should type tcl dan\n< dan> for fun"}
|
||
proc cherri: args { . "\< cherri \> let's bang who cares"}
|
||
proc versus {{who {}} {whotoo {}}} {. [name $who] vs [name $whotoo]}
|
||
proc campaign {} {return "[politicalstance] [hotbutton]"}
|
||
proc biggayboner {{size 10}} {if {$size > 10 || $size < 1} {set size 10}; biggaytext "8[string repeat = $size]D"}
|
||
proc testpump {{width {}} {height {}} {amount {}} {trans {}}} {return "[fit [wget http://wepump.in/ascii/chrishansen.txt]]"}
|
||
proc ytsearch args { set n 5; set s [args]; if {[is_numeric [last [args]]] == 1} { set n [last [args]]; set s [lrange [args] 0 end-1] }; set r [ys_ $s $n]; m $r {x {. [^B_][third $x][^O] [^C]14\[[^C]15[fmtseconds [fourth $x]][^C]14\]\n[wrap [second $x] 60]\n[^B]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=[first $x]}} "\n \n"}
|
||
proc welshize args {string map {a y e y i y o y u y} [join $args]}
|
||
proc oknujt {{name {}}} { . [or $name [nick] "has been trolled\; \"OKNUJT\" he quickly replies, hoping to convince his opponent that he is immune"}
|
||
proc mirc {} {return "Chats can get wild and woolly, and anyone (male or female) who takes on a female persona is likely to be hit on. There is indeed a great deal of sextalk, sleaze and garbage on IRC, and one should exercise caution in allowing children to access the IRC without supervision. But, as an adult, you are free to visit only the channels you choose, and there is also a great deal of positive communication going on."}
|
||
proc ww_item {} {?? $::ww_item}
|
||
proc rainhate {{hater {}} {hated {}}} {if {$hater eq ""} {set hater [lindex_random [names]]}; if {$hated eq ""} {set hated [lindex_random [names]]}; rainbow [hate $hater $hated]}
|
||
proc hepsticky args {. "<hepilepsy> dude that $args ?\n<hepilepsy> its fkn better than gaf tape \n<hepilepsy> not even joking \n<hepilepsy> its so fkn sticky yet comes right off"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/14(.+?)s$/} {match cmd args} {string map [apply list {white [last $match]}] [14words]}
|
||
proc greeting args {. [?? $::greeting_dict] $args}
|
||
proc gross {} {apply [?? {wet bt bgt bt2 rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize figlet americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {"gross"}}
|
||
proc STwitch {} { return " _/\\_ \n ('')~~~ \n ,//\\ \\ \n ---/_/-I\[K \n \`\` ";}
|
||
proc citysuffix {} {lindex_random $::citysuffixes}
|
||
proc bhutangirl {} {return " __ ___\n .'. -- . '.\n /U) __ (O|\n /.' ()() '.\\._\n .',/;,_.--._.;;) . '--..__\n / ,///|.__.|.\\\\\\ \\ '. '.''---..___\n /'._ '' || || '' _'\\ : \\ ' . '.\n / || || '., ) ) : \\\n :'-.__ _ || || _ __.' _\\_ .' ' ' ,)\n ( ' |' ( __= ___..-._ ( (.\\\\\n('\\ .___ ___. /'.___= \\.\\.\\\n \\\\\\-..____________..-''"}
|
||
proc userwave {} {wavething [names]}
|
||
proc arithmetic {{who {}} {who2 {}} {who3 {}}} { if {$who eq ""} {set who [random_word]}; if {$who2 eq ""} {set who2 [random_word]}; if {$who3 eq ""} {set who3 [random_word]}; return "$who + $who2 = $who3"}
|
||
proc basscadet {} {join [list "MAIN MENU" "---------" "1) Calculator" "2) Vi" "3) E-Mail" "4) Log Off"] \n}
|
||
proc goldchar c {set c [string toupper $c]; if ![info exists ::alphabet($c)] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]}; regsub -all {\*($|\n| )} [regsub -all {(^|\n| )\*} [decode $::alphabet($c)] "\\1*"] "*\\1"}
|
||
proc 36dollarmag {} {shitstarter https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/aempirei/36-dollars-magazine}
|
||
proc assert_block {block {message {assert_block failed.}}} {
|
||
if ![uplevel $block] {
|
||
error $message
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc bonerhost {} {. "At LEAST 12 inches of storage for your boner"}
|
||
proc fakenick {} {. <[choose " " "+" "%" "@" "&" "~"][choose [nicklist] [?? $::nicklist]]>}
|
||
proc lastlinks {} {join [notlast [lfilter *http* [lastlog_text 1000]]] \n}
|
||
proc goofy_unicode_character_factory term {grep $term [wget https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Unicode_characters]}
|
||
proc gaydient {{width 30}} {gradient [cache fetch gaydient last_color gay] [cache put gaydient last_color [gay]] $width}
|
||
proc SThypnotic {} {return ",_________ __________ \n\\ @ | \\ | @ /\n \\______/ \\ \\______/\n \\ \n / \n \\_____________________\n"}
|
||
proc bonertime {} {return " _____\n _.'_____`._\n .'.-' 12 `_.`.\n /,' _ /\\)`.\\\n // 10(/\\ / / 2 \\\\\n ;; \\ \\ / / ::\n || 9 (Y ( Y) 3 ||\n :: \" \"\" ;;\n \\\\ 8 4 //\n \\`. 7 5 ,'/\n '.`-.__6__.-'.'\n ((-._____.-))\n _)) ((_\n '--' '--'\n IT'S BONER TIME"}
|
||
proc qwantz-twitterified {{nick {}}} {qwantz [lreverse [get-last-twats [or [array_get_default ::twatmap $nick $nick] [array_random ::twatmap]] 11]]}
|
||
proc saqdance {} {eval [concat [list ajoin " "] [mapx [seq 1 5] x saqdancemove]]}
|
||
proc ramsex {} {join [list { __} { /..\ } { .\_O/ ROM Sex} { / \ I'll RAM your ROM} { / \ \ down to the BUS } {/ ._/( )__________} {\. 8==@ /|} { /_/ /----------/} {(__) ||||||||||||}] \n}
|
||
proc xmas args {set ret ""; foreach char [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {if {$char eq ","} {set char ","}; append ret [color_n [xmas_colours]]$char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc wikipedia2 {} {return " ,-)). ____\n (@ oo) | |`-.\n ) -u' | |\[\[ \]\n /_`-3-3 ___ |__|,-\"\n(_(_8 ),--\"\"\")___)_>__<_ o!O\nHEY LOOK I UPDATED WIKIPEDIA"}
|
||
proc utf8_demangle_old args {
|
||
set chars [split [join $args " "] ""]
|
||
set outstring ""
|
||
|
||
;# loop through consuming chars from list
|
||
while { [llength $chars] > 0 } {
|
||
set char [scan [lindex $chars 0] %c]
|
||
|
||
if { [(($char & 0x80) == 0)] } {
|
||
;# normal ASCII
|
||
set first [lindex $chars 0]
|
||
set chars [lreplace $chars 0 0]
|
||
|
||
lappend outstring $first
|
||
} elseif { [llength $chars] >= 2 && [(($char & 0xE0) == 0xC0)] } {
|
||
;# two-byte sequence
|
||
set first [scan [lindex $chars 0] %c]
|
||
set second [scan [lindex $chars 1] %c]
|
||
set chars [lreplace $chars 0 1]
|
||
|
||
set first [(($first & 0x1f) << 6)]
|
||
set second [(($second & 0x3f) << 0)]
|
||
|
||
lappend outstring [format %c [+ $first $second]]
|
||
} elseif { [llength $chars] >= 3 && [(($char & 0xF0) == 0xE0)] } {
|
||
;# three-byte sequence
|
||
set first [scan [lindex $chars 0] %c]
|
||
set second [scan [lindex $chars 1] %c]
|
||
set third [scan [lindex $chars 2] %c]
|
||
set chars [lreplace $chars 0 2]
|
||
|
||
set first [(($first & 0x0f) << 12)]
|
||
set second [(($second & 0x3f) << 6)]
|
||
set third [(($third & 0x3f) << 0)]
|
||
|
||
lappend outstring [format %c [+ $first $second $third]]
|
||
} elseif { [llength $chars] >= 4 && [(($char & 0xF8) == 0xF0)] } {
|
||
;# four-byte sequence
|
||
set first [scan [lindex $chars 0] %c]
|
||
set second [scan [lindex $chars 1] %c]
|
||
set third [scan [lindex $chars 2] %c]
|
||
set fourth [scan [lindex $chars 3] %c]
|
||
set chars [lreplace $chars 0 3]
|
||
|
||
set first [(($first & 0x07) << 18)]
|
||
set second [(($second & 0x3f) << 12)]
|
||
set third [(($third & 0x3f) << 6)]
|
||
set fourth [(($third & 0x3f) << 0)]
|
||
|
||
lappend outstring [format %c [+ $first $second $third $fourth]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
;# unknown or incomplete character
|
||
;# eh just pass it through
|
||
set first [scan [lindex $chars 0] %c]
|
||
set chars [lreplace $chars 0 0]
|
||
lappend outstring [format %c $first]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [join $outstring ""]
|
||
}
|
||
proc smorse str {string map {_ -} [morse $str]}
|
||
proc ramsey {} {return "fuck me!"}
|
||
proc ourdistance {nick1 {nick2 {[nick]}}} {urdistance $nick1 $::myweather([subst $nick2])}
|
||
proc STbigcock {} {return { ~~_,------._
|
||
~~,' , : : . `.
|
||
~~/ : : : : : :`-._____---._ ____-----._
|
||
~| _,-- - . .. `::' . `--._` `:\ `.
|
||
~`; , . . . . . :. , ; .`- `._ _\
|
||
~/ . . : : : . : ,-'_; . . .' /
|
||
~| . . . . . ' :_,-'_____________/ _,'
|
||
~~\ : ` : ' _,-' -----'
|
||
~~`._` ` _,'
|
||
~~`------' }}
|
||
proc british_statement {{who {}}} {return "<[name $who]> [lindex_random $::british_statements]"}
|
||
proc nignog {{n 5} {a nig} {b nog}} {join [lselect_random [list $a $b] $n]}
|
||
proc {truck nuts} {} {. DEEZ NUTS}
|
||
proc test_proc {} { catch { set k "faggots" } ret; return $ret }
|
||
proc hackertip {} {. Unsheathe your samurai e-sword from its scabbard young hacker, it's time for some serious hack-fu which isn't recommended for beginners. I, the great Erica Sadun have discovered an amazing undocumented feature of Mac OS X. To unleash the true power of the BSD subsystem and UNIX underpinnings, open terminal.app and type the following command: [?? $::unix_commands]}
|
||
proc average l {expr [foldxo x o 0 $l {+ $x $o}] / (1.0*[llength $l])}
|
||
proc waspname {} {return "[waspfirstname] [waspsurname]"}
|
||
proc lasttwat {user {i 1}} {unescape_html_entities [lindex [get-last-twats [twatname $user] $i] [($i-1)]]}
|
||
proc btc_market {} http://mtgox.com/code/data/ticker.php
|
||
proc sa_all_threads {} {set ret [list]; foreach {forumid threads} [array get ::SA] {foreach thread $threads {lappend ret $thread}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc jew_count {} {llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::jew_count]]}
|
||
proc all_straight {} { ajoin "" [ncock [rand 6]] [flip [ncock [rand 6]]] "no no the balls have to touch\nif it's just theheads \nit's still all straight" }
|
||
proc arab {} {goonsay THIS CHANNEL HAS MOVED TO IRC.SANDNIGGA.COM #ARAB}
|
||
proc magick-stack {img1 img2} { magick-stack_scheme $img1 $img2 }
|
||
proc best_anime_ever {} {[logh]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^s/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/?$/} {matches cmd args} {regsub -- [lindex $matches end-1] [or [join $args] [format_log_line [lindex [log] end-1]]] [last $matches]}
|
||
proc squirt_jihad2 {} {. "[upper [squirt_word] [sex_fluid]] upon those who [insult_verb] [upper [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc mith {} cswas
|
||
proc svslol {} {svsnick [name] "[svslolnick]"}
|
||
proc slashpoll_title html {string range [html [lindex [regexp -inline {<INPUT TYPE=\"hidden\" NAME=\"section\" VALUE=\"mainpage\">(.*?)<BR>} $html] 1]] 1 end}
|
||
proc README args {. {record unplugged poos: naisu.org:3000/poo?user=[nick]&num=[bristol num] | tcl amendpoop hourdiff ; e.g. tcl ipood 3; tcl amendpoop 4 (I forgot to report it 4 hours ago) | tcl poophist for poop histograms | record a missed poop: tcl add_historical_poop $type $datestring; e.g. tcl add_historical_poop 6 "Yesterday 4pm PST" (specify timezone unless you're in UTC)}}
|
||
proc callers {} {if {[info level] < 2} return else {lrange [map [seq [uplevel {info level}] 1] [& info level]] 1 end}}
|
||
proc downvote blogger {set ::karma($blogger) [expr [last [array get ::karma $blogger]] - 1]}
|
||
proc goblinkike {} { more http://churchturing.org/y/goblin.txt }
|
||
proc copperdeath {} {gbt copperdeath}
|
||
proc girls? {} {ajoin " " [c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::girls]]] girls] [c 1 cup]}
|
||
proc agenda {{name {}}} {regsub GAY [gayagenda] [upper [first_true $name [name]]'s]}
|
||
proc sexy {{who {}}} {gudrize "hey [name $who] im [lindex_random [seq 4 7]]`[lindex_random [seq 1 11]] [rand 500]lbs sexy as [goon_word] an im single lookin fa da right [random_word] ta [act_word], so if u liken wat u see [act_word] at me an well do da [crw_word]"}
|
||
proc hckrjews {} {fuckingcolumns [concat {{com pnts title}} [lsort -integer -decreasing -index 1 [map [chunk [regexp -inline -all {\t\t<span class="comments span2">([^<]+?)</span>.+?<span class="points span1[^>]+?>([^<-]+?)</span>.+?<a class="link span15 [^>]+?>(.+?)\n?</a>} [http://hckrnews.com/]] 4] {{x} {utf8_demangle [html [lreplace $x 0 0]]}}]]]}
|
||
proc delicious_beverage {} {embed [embed [chinsamid] [STshake] 25 3] Ø\\ 26 3}
|
||
proc crw_jihad {} {. "[upper [kill_verb] those who [insult_verb] [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc scholar a {if !{[string length [set r [last [regexp -inline {^-([0-9]+?) } $a]]]]} { set r 10; } else { set a [last [regexp -inline {^-[0-9]+? (.+)$} $a]] }; if {[regexp {^-[0-9]+? } $a]} { set r \1; }; each [regexp -all -inline {<h3 class=r><a href="(.+?)"[^>]+?>(.+?)</a>.*?</h3>} [last [http get http://scholar.google.com/search?q=[urlescape $a]&num=$r]]] {{match url title} {. "\002[html $title]\002 - \x1f$url\x1f"}}}
|
||
proc rot:isbold c {
|
||
set B $::rotB;
|
||
if {[string index $c 0]==$B} { return 1; } { return 0;}
|
||
}
|
||
proc poo_colours {} {next_in_list {4,7 7,4 8,4 5,7 7,4 14,7}}
|
||
proc master {i a b c d} { master_inc_score $i; if {[master_win $i $a $b $c $d]} { return [master_won $i $a $b $c $d]; } else { return [master_score $i $a $b $c $d]; } }
|
||
proc go:map_board_xywhp {gboard f} {set ol [list]; foreach {w h board} [go:whboard $gboard] { for {set y 0} {$y < $h} {incr y} { set o [list]; set row [lindex $board $y]; for {set x 0} {$x < $w} {incr x} { set xv [lindex $row $x]; lappend o [$f $x $y $w $h $xv]; }; lappend ol $o }; return $ol }}
|
||
proc akill {{who {}}} {return "*** [name $who] has quit: User has been banned from ZiRC (Autokilled: Harassing staff, abusing network services...the list goes on. \[usercom@zirc.org])"}
|
||
proc shitzoid str {regsub -all -nocase {s[^h ][aeiou]*[a-z]?} [regsub -all -nocase {sh[aeiou]*} $str shit] shit}
|
||
proc myxbox {} {urxbox [nick]}
|
||
proc yiff2 {{who {}}} {act "[furry_verb] [name $who]'s [furry_noun]"}
|
||
proc PHP {} {. "Does it scale?" [checkbox goons]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)_scheme$/} {matches cmd args} {magick_scheme [apply [last $matches]-gen $args]}
|
||
proc name {{who {}}} {or $who [?? [names]]}
|
||
proc gnuradio {} {return [twoproblems "python and c++ code in the same project using SWIG bindings and doxygen documentation"]}
|
||
proc glug2 {{what {}}} {let {word {moirasay $word? I don't even KNOW her [last [regexp -inline {er(.*)} $word]]! [haioh]}} [or $what [word {\w+er\w{2,}}]]}
|
||
proc catsdaq {} {catback [string map {+ UP} [strip_all [stock .IXIC]]]}
|
||
proc naughtylist__ {who {n 5}} { set r [rand 0 23]; set a [shuf $::naughtylist($who)]; . [string toupper $who] CHAT CRIME:\n[m [seq $r [expr ($r-$n)+1]] {x { . [gayagenda:time $x] : [string toupper [subst [next_in_list $a]]] }} \n] }
|
||
proc hehe {} {return {perl print "tcl hehe"}}
|
||
proc aimanimaljoke args { aim -n [aimname $args] [animaljoke] }
|
||
proc bj_hitme {} { if [blackjack_dealt] { return [blackjack_hitme [nick]]; } else {return "Deal First!"; }; }
|
||
proc nickmap_add {fakenick id} { set ::nick_map($fakenick) [string tolower $id] }
|
||
proc holylol {{args {}}} {set str [join $args]; if {$str eq ""} {set str [name]}; return [holywow $str's\ [mood_word]\ [food_word]]}
|
||
proc moira_comic_frame {} {let {art {box [embed [canvas 35 12] $art 2 [- 12 [llength [lines $art]]]]}} [ajoin " " [wrap [moiradrunk] 19] \n\\ \n[STmoira*]]}
|
||
proc heart args {gayflagify [string map {jgs { }} [ajoin " " [STheart] [bt [. $args]] " "]]}
|
||
proc netsol {} {. ns[CamelCase [random_word]]™}
|
||
proc STmfgoon {} { join [list { __________ } { (--[\<>/\<>/ } { (____\|--|/) }] \n }
|
||
proc jizzcum2 args {jizzcum-fix [jizzcum [join $args " "]]}
|
||
proc byegg {} {. [wt2 "by egg"]}
|
||
proc cockestories {} {string toupper [subst [join [lselect_random $::cocke_headlines 10] \n]]}
|
||
proc fizzbuzz args { set out {}; for {set x 0} {$x < [llength $args]} {incr x} {if {{expr $x % 3} == 0} {append out fizz}}; return $out}
|
||
proc norseline {} { lindex_random $::norse }
|
||
proc anormalize_tag_url url { normalize_tag_url $url }
|
||
proc magick_hat {source_url hat_url {index {}} {hatstart 0.9} {hwidthmod 1.05}} {
|
||
xset hat_width hat_height [get_image_size $hat_url];
|
||
xset left top right bottom [find_face $source_url $index];
|
||
set width [- $right $left]; set height [- $bottom $top];
|
||
set rhwidth [expr int($hwidthmod*$width)];
|
||
set rhheight [expr int($hat_height * $rhwidth/ (1.0*$hat_width))];
|
||
set rhy [expr int($bottom - ($height * $hatstart)) - $rhheight];
|
||
set rhx [expr int($left - ($hat_width * $hwidthmod - $hat_width)/2)];
|
||
magick composite $source_url [magick_id [magick resize $hat_url $rhwidth $rhheight]] $rhx $rhy
|
||
}
|
||
proc rose {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [name]}; return "a rose for $who @\}-,-`-."}
|
||
proc rainrss url {rain [rss $url]}
|
||
proc poopstat {} {. "Poopers: [wget http://poopstat.us/count.yaws]\nRecord: $::max_poopers"}
|
||
proc lulzball args {?? $::lulzball}
|
||
proc fatmouse {} {lindex_random $::fatmouse_dict}
|
||
proc flag2 args {return "[bold][color red]The preceding lines have been flagged as offensive chat due to [color orange][string totitle [or $args [[?? {offensive_word dnd_word}]]]][color red]. The lines will be forwarded to network Opers for review."; set lines [collect_lines]; submit_oper $lines}
|
||
proc omgsmile {} {set s [smile];string map ".. $s _O [string repeat _ [expr [string length $s]-2]]O_ __ [string repeat _ [string length $s]]" [omg]}
|
||
proc frotflag {} {gayflagify [head 18 [walloffrot]]}
|
||
proc attackad {{pol {}}} {if {$pol == ""} {set pol [political_figure]}; return "$pol's own words:\n[hotbutton]: \"[niggerphrase]\"\n[hotbutton]: \"[niggerphrase]\"\n[hotbutton]: \"[niggerphrase]\"\n[boger]"}
|
||
proc microsoft {{set {}}} {if {$set eq ""} {set set [namegen]}; return "$set, you dislike microsoft right?"}
|
||
proc meggalump {} {return [lump]\n[lump]\n[lump]\n[lump]\n[lump]}
|
||
proc populist {} {return "\"There are a lot of \'rights\' that [political_word] judges like read into the constitution, such as the \'right of [plural [marginalize]] to [freedom_word],\'\" [political_figure] told a gathered crowd of about [rand 10 +1],000 at [charity]."}
|
||
proc smallokey {} { return "[color blue]Small Okey[color] [color red][ok_cast][color]!"}
|
||
proc aimniggeronehug args { aim -n [aimname $args] [niggerize [onehug]] }
|
||
proc randhex {{length 32}} {join [mapx [seq 1 $length] x {format %x [rand 16]}] {}}
|
||
proc dullboy {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "all [random_word] and no [random_word] makes $who a [marginalize] boy";}
|
||
proc ed_gein {} {hypnosay [eval [string map {ww_item geinpart watchandweight coppers} [info body hypnofit]]]}
|
||
proc realp {} {return "[pick 1 {return "Playing"} 8 {return "Rebuffering Stream..."}]"}
|
||
proc compu txt { set str1 [string range $txt 0 8]; set str2 [string range $txt 9 15]; set str3 [string range $txt 16 24]; embed [STcompu] ${str1}\n${str2}\n${str3} 8 3 }
|
||
proc willsmith {} {return "nigga where my bazooka be at\nnigga where my bazooka be at\nnigga where my bazooka be at"}
|
||
proc saq_girls {} {?? $::saq_girls}
|
||
proc aimdeon {{who {}}} {set line [regsub {^<@?[^>]+> } [strip_all [lindex_random [split [randeon] \n]]] ""]; if {$who eq ""} {aim $line} {aim -n $who $line}}
|
||
proc underline args {join [map [lines [join $args]] {x {^_ $x}}] \n}
|
||
proc xaozon {{who xaozon}} {. "<[name $who]> im gay"}
|
||
proc jazzy {} {ajoin " )" [bgbt m[lindex_random {u {}}][string repeat r [expr {int(rand()*5)+1}]]p[lindex_random {u {}}][string repeat r [expr {int(rand()*5)+1}]]] [ajoin "" "\n\\" [STkitty]]}
|
||
proc goon_climax {} {goonsay [crw_word]: [climax]}
|
||
proc arcade {{message {}} {font {}} {size {}}} {. http://i.buttes.org/index.php/http:/nfggames.com/system/arcade/arcade.php/b-u/bp-0/y-[or $font [?? $::arcade_font]]/z-0/dbl-[or $size 2]/x-[urlencode $message]#.jpg}
|
||
proc christians {} {return [lol "people who think they're religion is superior to everyone else's, and the most close-minded retards to have ever walked the planet."]}
|
||
proc forbiddentroll {} {. "IRC is a rough place. Hard chats, subtle trolls... but there is one troll that is forbidden. That is the irc apathy troll. You can emo quit all you want, and chastise other chatters, but you can never feign apathy for irc. And if by some sick chance in life, you do hate irc... http\:\/\/bit.ly\/6zdc6"}
|
||
proc currency {} {lindex_random $::currencies}
|
||
proc tonality {peanut_butter fermented_cat_piss} {lappend weed "[winamp] Now Playing: Shatneresque - Mega Sex With Retards (5:37/13:58, 192k)"; set necco's_fetishes [if {$Chromium} {return "[therapy goons] i just found my uncle's dad stripping saran wrapped roy orbison what should i do???? (56k lollercaust)"} {set barfing $m4w}]]; lappend cotton_picker $ukhulumelani; return [less $bottom]}
|
||
proc omgwtf {} {exec echo "lol"}
|
||
proc CHERRYBOMB® {} {. no artificial stimulants, just the all-natural power of cherries}
|
||
proc dickhead2 {} {embed [flip [ncock 2]] [omg] 0 1}
|
||
proc stupidjones {} {return "Who [act_word]s anymore? It's going to get to the point where having a little [random_word] on your computer is going to be a lot better than wasting your [random_word] trying to get rid of [random_word], or trying not to get [random_word] at all."}
|
||
proc setwu {{who {}} sta} {set ::wu([name $who]) $sta}
|
||
proc jpeg_block {url width} { string map {@ { } O { } o { } . { }} [jpeg_no_dither $url $width] }
|
||
proc go:board {{n 9}} { return [list go:board $n $n [mapx [seq 1 $n] y {mapx [seq 1 $n] x {. "empty"}}]]}
|
||
proc gen_letter {} {. "We're coming over [day] [daypart] [choose "to [insult_verb] [famousperson]" "for some [crw_word] [choose "" "with [famousperson]"]" "to [kill_verb] [famousperson]"]... we're bringing [choose "[goon_food]" "[polish_food]" "[fastfood]" "[menu_food_item]"] and [choose "[random_word]" "[ethnic_group]"]. [choose "[lastwords]" "[lastwords]" "[lastwords]" "[lastwords]" "See you soon"]"}
|
||
proc notamac args {isntamac $args}
|
||
proc kanyewest {} {lasttwat kanyewest [expr int(1+rand()*20)]}
|
||
proc penelopetrunk {} {lasttwat penelopetrunk [expr int(1+rand()*20)]}
|
||
proc jewfullname2 {} { choose {Sam Stephenson} {Jonnii Goldman} {Steven Bloch} {Eli Hodapp}}
|
||
proc wikipedian {} {. "CHECK OUT MY USER BOXES !!!!!1111\n[smega {. "[todo_box] THIS USER [upper [choose "LOVES [choose [trannies] [crw_word] [shsc_word] [crappy_restaurant]]" "IS A [choose [faglame] [singleethnic]]"]]"} 6]"}
|
||
proc choose_random_uniq {n l} { lrange [shuffle $l] 0 [decr $n] }
|
||
proc stoners {} {. "U DONT SMOKE WEED? LOL FAG GROW SOME BALLS 420 BLAZE IT SMOKE WEED ERRY DAY ONE LOVE"}
|
||
proc STsword {} { return " () \n || \n <-==-> \n || \n \\/ ";}
|
||
proc OUR args {if {$args eq "STREETS"} {return "WHOSE STREETS"}}
|
||
proc linuxlol {} {}
|
||
proc bigtext str {text char $str}
|
||
proc catagenda {{cat {}} {n 5}} { set cat [buttes_cat_or_other $cat]; set starttime [+ [rand 6] 9]; return "[upper $cat] AGENDA:\n[join [mapx [szip [seq $starttime [+ [- $n 1] $starttime]] [getnuniq $n catagenda:event]] x {ajoin " " " " [gayagenda:time [car $x]] ":" [wrap [upper [cadr $x]] 30]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc white_mills {} {. "[color red on white] MILLS MILLS MILLS "}
|
||
proc submit_lolqdb {comment network channel text} {strip_tabs [last [regexp -inline {<p>([^<]+?)</p>.*?<div class="foot} [http post http://lolqdb.buttes.org/submit.php comment=[urlescape $comment]&network=[urlescape $network]&channel=[urlescape $channel]&nrep=+&s=Submit&text=[urlescape $text]]]]}
|
||
proc menu_food_prefix {} {subst [lindex_random $::menu_food_prefix]}
|
||
proc gudrow_sent_small {} {set ret ""; for {set i 0} {$i < [rand 15]+3} {incr i} {append ret "[gudrow_word][expr {[rand 2] ? "" : ","}] "}; set ret [string trimr $ret {, }]; return [string toupper [string index $ret 0]][string range $ret 1 end][expr {[rand 3] ? "." : "!"}]}
|
||
proc chinkernews {} {chinkerize [singanews]}
|
||
proc allquotes who {lquote $who 100000}
|
||
proc cached_bike {} {if [catch bike result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_bike]}; cache_list cached_bike $result}
|
||
proc todo:addnew {who args} {array set ::todo{$who} [list $who [concat "{$args}" [last [array get ::todo{$who}]]]]}
|
||
proc imgaflipfull url {. "[magick flop $url] $url [magick flop [magick flip $url]] [magick flip $url]"}
|
||
proc britime {} uktime
|
||
proc unrune {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; string toupper "<3 $who; $who does not suck; $who is not dying; $who is not dead to me; $who did not hit wtc; $who <- ovens"}
|
||
proc STkloeri {} {return " /))))))))) \n //) __ __\\ \n C==/_o|^|o_\\ \n | _\\ ) \n \\ .--- / \n _/`-. __.'_ \n /` \\`'-,._./|\\ \n / \\ /`\\_/\\/ \\ ";}
|
||
proc yeah {} {. http://churchturing.org/x/yeah.mp3}
|
||
proc spermy {} { return "●～" }
|
||
proc scopepoop args {foreach i a {};return $i}
|
||
proc metarandom {} { if {[rand 3] == 0} { return [gay_random] } { return [eval [lindex_random [info proc *word]]] } }
|
||
proc leveldown {{who {}}} {string map {BRAVE FAIL WELL POORLY UP DOWN} [apply levelup $who]}
|
||
proc suckadicksong {} { more {join $::suckadicksong \n} }
|
||
proc kelly args {ajoin " " [politicalcartoon] [kellysay [?? $::kellyphrase]]}
|
||
proc holoart {} {vaflip [rainbow [graph {0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0}]]}
|
||
proc help args {if {[lsearch [info commands] $args]==-1||[lsearch [info procs] $args]>-1} {. "install linux"};regexp {(?n)NAME="M2".*\r?\n(.*)\r?\n.*\r?\n(.*)} [cwget http://www.tcl.tk/man/tcl8.5/TclCmd/${args}.htm] m n s;strip_html "$n\n$s"}
|
||
proc americanize2 args {return [bold][join [mapx [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] x {join [list [eval color [next_in_list {red white blue}]] $x] ""}] ""]}
|
||
proc fishmechsmiley {} {. "┐('～`；)┌ w/e"}
|
||
proc vorstyles {} {return "no vor, no lulz, KNOW VOR, KNOW LULZ"}
|
||
proc mikael {} {return http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/00079215}
|
||
proc tcl_prophecy {} {. "[aflip [rotate [rotate [rotate [happie]]][happie]]]"}
|
||
proc amirror arg { set lines [split $arg \n]; set maxlen 0; foreach line $lines { if {[string length $line] > $maxlen} { set maxlen [string length $line]; }; }; set ascii {}; foreach line $lines { set spaces [expr $maxlen - [string length $line]]; append line [string repeat " " $spaces]; set line [reverse $line]; set line [string map {/ \\ \\ / \} \{ \{ \} > < < > ] [ [ ] ) ( ( ) ' ` ` '} $line]; append ascii "$line\n"; }; return $ascii; }
|
||
proc aimsurvey {{who {}}} {return ".a\im [aimname $who] This is an informal survey for a really cool post I'm going to do in GBS. Who do you think the funniest GBS poster is [famous_gbs_names], [famous_gbs_names], or [famous_gbs_names]?"}
|
||
proc args {} { uplevel 1 {join $args { }} }
|
||
proc randomStamp {} { return [pick 1 {sperm 1} 1 {rncockrow 1} 1 { jew } 1 {jews} 1 {MAGICMUSHROOM 1} 1 {nomg 1} 1 {rainbow [nomg 1]} 1 {nomg 2} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] [unix]} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] [unix]} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] [unix]} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] [unix]} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] 8=D} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] ~~~} 1 {bgr [rrand_color] C=8} 1 {c 8=D ~} 1 {ncockrow 1} ]; }
|
||
proc mlad {} {overlay [embed [canvas 24 24] [STcatbus] 5 1] [embed [canvas 20 15] [ncock 4] 0 5]}
|
||
proc cakefart_quote {} {. [?? $::fart_lines]}
|
||
proc strip_spaces str {return [regsub -all "^ +" [regsub -all " +$" $str ""] ""]}
|
||
proc jihad args {mohammed [islam $args]}
|
||
proc year {} {clock format [clock seconds] -format %Y}
|
||
proc jewname2 {{who {}}} {join [map [split [name $who] {}] {c {. [regsub {^(.)} [lindex_random [lfilter [subst {[string toupper $c]*}] $::jewnames]] "\002\\1\002"]}}] " "}
|
||
proc chatcity {{who {}}} {. who is [name ${who}]}
|
||
proc STdance {} {. "\\o/\n \\\\\n / \\"}
|
||
proc cliche_bingo_matrix {{n 5} {names {}}} { set names [choose_random_uniq $n [or $names [names]]]; return [concat [list $names ] [map [seq 1 $n] {{x} {map $names [& cliche]}}]] }
|
||
proc rows {str f {l {}}} {if {$l eq ""} {set l [expr $f-1];set f 0};join [lrange [split $str \n] $f $l] \n}
|
||
proc butteshug {{n {}}} {set n [name $n];join [mapx [split [grouphug] \n] l {concat "<@$n> $l"}] \n}
|
||
proc gay_todo_item {} {. "[todo_box] [gayagenda:event]"}
|
||
proc registerdomain {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [choose [political_figure] [celebrity] [name]]}; return "Congratulations, $who! You've just registered [string toupper [promote][string map {" " ""} [crime]][tld]]! Happy internetting!"}
|
||
proc macpride {} {join [list [bgbt MAC PRIDE] [bgt "WORLD WIDE"]] \n}
|
||
proc women {} {c all whores}
|
||
proc fedroulette_kill {} {fedroulette_reload; honeypot; return "<[nick]> [fedbait]"}
|
||
proc wolof args {aflip [aflip [aflip [gorf]]]}
|
||
proc scale-and-composite-gen {imgtop imgbottom scale tb lr} {
|
||
set H [if {$tb == "B"} {. (- (height img) (height img3)) } { . 0 }]
|
||
set W [if {$lr == "R"} {. (- (width img) (width img3)) } { . 0 }]
|
||
set H [if {$tb == "C"} {. (- (/ (height img) 2) (/ (height img3) 2)) } { . $H }]
|
||
set W [if {$lr == "C"} {. (- (/ (width img) 2) (/ (width img3) 2)) } { . $W }]
|
||
return "
|
||
(let ((img (image $imgtop))
|
||
(mh (* $scale (height img)))
|
||
(mw (* $scale (width img)))
|
||
(img2 (image $imgbottom))
|
||
(w (width img2))
|
||
(h (height img2))
|
||
(ws (if (> w h) (* (/ mw w) w) (* (/ mh h) w)))
|
||
(hs (if (> w h) (* (/ mw w) h) (* (/ mh h) h)))
|
||
(img3 (resize img2 ws hs)))
|
||
(composite img img3 $W $H))"
|
||
}
|
||
proc kilonum {} {. [cubegoonsay [air Kilonum Kilodumb]]}
|
||
proc niggamid {} {pyramid nigga\ }
|
||
proc meaty {} {}
|
||
proc iliketowatch {} { more {gayflagify [72000~http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/catalog/iltow_lyrics.txt]} }
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^a:(.*)/ {matches cmd args} {giga x}
|
||
proc tclclan {} {. ~x~X~ iF YoU kNOW mORE THaN 10 TcL PrOc, jOin maH nEw tcL CLaN, {{JG: JEsUs gOatse}}, oPENInGs fILLiN UP fast!! ~X~x~ FIrst sCriMmaGe SATuRDAy ~X~X~ CLAN LEADA: incog WEBMASTA: Winkie RECRUITA: jbs}
|
||
proc scramble str {join [mapx $str w {join [shuffle [split $w {}]] {}}]}
|
||
proc rot13 args {string map {a n b o c p d q e r f s g t h u i v j w k x l y m z n a o b p c q d r e s f t g u h v i w j x k y l z m A N B O C P D Q E R F S G T H U I V J W K X L Y M Z N A O B P C Q D R E S F T G U H V I W J X K Y L Z M} [join $args]}
|
||
proc moiracam {} {box [embed [moiracam?*] "Live Moira Cam [clock format [clock seconds] -format {%a, %b %d / %H:%M:%S}]" 2 1]}
|
||
proc jizzcumm args {set str [lrange $args 0 end-1]; join [map [seq 1 [last $args]] {x {jizzcum $str}}] \n}
|
||
proc funroll {} {return " ____\n / __ \\\n/ / _` | FUN\n\\ \\__,_| ROLL\n \\____/"}
|
||
proc audioconcat args { . [http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/scripts/audioutil.pl?c=concat&a=[join [map $args {url {urlencode [url_stripanchor $url]}}] ,]]}
|
||
proc imben {} nig
|
||
proc historical_event {} {lindex_random $::historical_events}
|
||
proc wolol {} popeye2
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)midity$/} {matches cmd} {[last $matches]back [myhum]}
|
||
proc rujew {{arg {}}} { . "[name $arg]: are you a jew?" }
|
||
proc mutiny args {return "< Mutiny > that $args didn't fill me up at all"}
|
||
proc cooking_appliance {} {lindex_random $::cooking_appliance_word}
|
||
proc reflect2 args {let {text {join [list [ajoin "" " " [bgr 7 $text]] [let {lines {join [list " [lindex $lines 0]" [lindex $lines 1] " [lindex $lines 2]" " [lindex $lines 3]" " [lindex $lines 4]"] \n}} [split [vflip [grbt orange turquoise $text]] \n]]] \n}} [join $args]}
|
||
proc lmaoevilpie {} {return "<@ScheisseGern> oh you need to edit system->bonobo->bonobo-conf->conf-libs-conf-OrBIT2-devel->work_without_PAM in gconf\n<@evilpie> fucking gconf >:o\n<@evilpie> worst idea ever\n<@evilpie> well'\n<@evilpie> im kinda fucked\n<@evilpie> since there is no system->bonobo\n<@evilpie> i also tried seraching by key words 'pam' and 'PAM'"}
|
||
proc uniwhat args {[first [?? [lines [string trimright [~http://givingin.org/unicode/search/?[? q [join $args]]]]]]]}
|
||
proc tattle2 {} {}
|
||
proc randmacroname {} {macroname [?? [macros]]}
|
||
proc putin {} {return {http://img.timeinc.net/time/photoessays/2007/poy/vvp.jpg}}
|
||
proc hightax_dict {} {lindex_random $::hightax_dict}
|
||
proc gnol {} incog4
|
||
proc STfranceflag {} {mega . [color blue on blue]XXXXXX[color white on white]XXXXXX[color red on red]XXXXXX[color]}
|
||
proc resistfml args {apply rfml $args}
|
||
proc sinewave word { join [map [seq 1 15] {{x} {. [string repeat " " [expr int(10 + 10 * sin(3.14 * 3 * $x/20))]] $word }}] \n }
|
||
proc nato str { string map $::natodict [string toupper $str] }
|
||
proc imapc {} {. I'm a PC and I [subst [?? $::pc_phrase]].}
|
||
proc moiramail {} {ajoin " " [eval [?? [info procs STmoira*]]] "\n/" "Send me pictures of dicks to:\nCPL WHITE, COLIN J\nCLB-5 ENG CO\nUNIT 42240\nFPO AP 96427-2240\nhttp://motomail.us"}
|
||
proc bike {{pol {}}} {if {$pol == ""} {set pol [?? $::bike_pols]}; set html [unescape_html_entities [wget http://${pol}isyournewbicycle.com/]]; string toupper [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<body.*href=.*?>([^*]*?)\.?</a>} $html] 1]]]}
|
||
proc blackjack_score_hand hand { set aces 0; set count 0; foreach {i} $hand { set num [lindex [split $i .] 1]; if [expr {$num == "J"} || {$num == "K"} || {$num == "Q"}] { set count [expr $count + 10]; } else { if { $num == "A"} { incr count; incr aces; } else { set count [expr $count - 1 + 1 + $num]; }; }; }; return [blackjack_ace_calc $count $aces]; }
|
||
proc feature {} next_mac_feature
|
||
proc zicat2 txt {ajoin "" [rain [STzubkatz]] [wrap [join $txt] 50] [flip [rain [STzubkatz]]]}
|
||
proc rot26 s {return [rot13 [rot13 $s]]}
|
||
proc manbabis {} {c man babis}
|
||
proc STfrog {} {. " [color white on black]__\n[color white on black] | |\n[color white on black] _|==|_\n [color red on black]oO)[color green on black]-. \n /__ _\\ \n \\ \\( |\n \\ |\\ \{\n ' '--'"}
|
||
proc zenwhen {} {return "< zenwhen> poopy goo goo doody"}
|
||
proc testlmfao {} {return " __,_____ __ .`, .\n / __.==--\" 8===/..\\===D POP U DEAD, [string toupper [nick]]\n /#(-' \\_O/ `. \n `-'"}
|
||
proc etokev2 {} {set cdt::timer 1; [. "fire it up motherfuckers"]; {set t 1000; for {set i 10} {$i >= 0} {incr i -1} {if {$i == 0} {after $t [list set cdt::timer 0] break} after $t [list cdt::print "$i..."]; incr t 1000}}}
|
||
proc perlop_sort {} {?? {cmp <=>}}
|
||
proc askcramer args {return "?\ $args ?\ BOOYAH! [kramer_word]"}
|
||
proc invention {} {return "[acquaintance] invented [strip_u [fetish_porn]] 4 rl"}
|
||
proc yellow {} {. [name]: yellow}
|
||
proc talkingpoint {} {wget "http://rolloffle.churchburning.org/troll_me_text.php"}
|
||
proc nationality {} {lindex_random $::nationalities}
|
||
proc fagdrag {} {smega {string map {"GAY" "FAG" "BAR" "DRAG"} [gaybar]}}
|
||
proc archuser {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; return "<$who> what is the '[unixprog_word]' cmd do ? :D"}
|
||
proc stupidtax {} {return "Well I'm not a [job]... I just buy what the [niggerword] tell me to buy. When it comes to buying [random_word], all I do is write the checks and buy what I'm told to buy. I guess [lowtax_enemy_word] didn't think a [random_word] would be necessary or something, and since I know nothing about [random_word], I couldn't [act_word] him. All I do is write the checks."}
|
||
proc rather {} {return "I'd rather [act_word] [choose "my own" "your" "[name]'s"] [body_part] [choose "in front of a group of" "for the amusement of"] [ethnic_group] than discuss [hotbutton]"}
|
||
proc bubble_letters str {return "( [regsub -all {\| \|} [join [split $str {}] " | "] {) (}] )"}
|
||
proc gay4pay {} { return gay4pay }
|
||
proc randamid {} {while [catch {[lindex_random [info procs *amid]]} ret] {}; set ret}
|
||
proc moretequilashots? {} {mega wet of course}
|
||
proc logtime last { set t [- [clock seconds] $last]; lnull [map [log] {x { if {[first $x] >= $t} { return $x } }}] }
|
||
proc STbear {} { return " ()_() \n __('.')__ \n ( . ) \n / _ \\ \n (__/ \\__) ";}
|
||
proc windowspatch {} {return "Size: [rand 3000 4000] KB - [rand 4500 5500] KB \n A security issue has been identified in [vulnerability] that could allow an attacker to compromise your Windows-based system and gain control over it. You can help protect your computer by installing this update from Microsoft. After you install this item, you may have to [regsub {ing} [sex_act] {}] your computer."}
|
||
proc rape_victim {} {. [?? [names]]}
|
||
proc master_num {a b c d} { return "[master_col $a] [master_col $b] [master_col $c] [master_col $d]"; }
|
||
proc jaunty {} {wt jaunty}
|
||
proc pussy args {. "pussy"}
|
||
proc onion_headline {} {return "[choose Area Local Visiting \"[capitalize [emotion]]\"] [capitalize [marginalize]] [choose Supports {Responsible For} Opposes] [capitalize [hotbutton]]"}
|
||
proc nagger {} {. nagger: tell [name] [cp]}
|
||
proc incogjb {} {return "[bold][color fuchsia]^_^[color green] <[+ 15 [rand 3]]|m|[city]> HI INCOG!!! I DREAM OF YOU [string toupper [sex_act]] MY [choose UNSHAVEN HAIRY TRIMMED UNKEMPT WAXED FUZZY BRAZILLIAN] [string toupper [butte_word]]! FUCK ME NOW. [color fuchsia]^_^"}
|
||
proc withdrawl {} {. "\<neonfreon\> i think he'd prefer anal over [drug_word] withdrawl"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/test(.+)$/} {matches x} { return [last $matches] }
|
||
proc mecha args {mega $args}
|
||
proc weathercondition {} { subst [lindex_random $::weatherconditions] }
|
||
proc megaminutes {{who {}}} {smega {minutes [name $who]}}
|
||
proc laser {} {return " ___________\n~Y/ =====-__|~ - - = [rainbow 8=======D]\n / |L)~~~\n |_| ACTION LASER"}
|
||
proc walmart {} {return "Wal-Mart has everything I need. No diggity."}
|
||
proc shit {} {. "███ █▬█ ▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀"}
|
||
proc lyrics2:search args { odds [regexp -all -inline {href="([^"]+)" class=" song_link"} [http://genius.com/search?[? q $args]]]] }
|
||
proc getout {} { figlet "Get Out" }
|
||
proc aimrequest args {return "[aim -n [aimname $args] Please [request]]"}
|
||
proc boqueefa {} {return "tcl boqueefa"}
|
||
proc brute_force {pattern block {count 50}} {first [lgrepi $pattern [repeat $count $block]]}
|
||
proc set_myweather {airport {user {}}} {if {$user == ""} {set user [nick]}; set ::myweather($user) $airport}
|
||
proc dreidel {} {lindex_random {Nun Gimel Hey Shin}}
|
||
proc smap1 {s a b} { regsub $a $s $b }
|
||
proc avatar-think-flip {avatar text {orient L}} {
|
||
magick_scheme [gen-avatar-say-code $avatar $text $orient http://churchturing.org/x/thoughtballoonR.png ]
|
||
}
|
||
proc famousperson {} {choose "[celebrity]" "[political_figure]"}
|
||
proc randin' {} rand_wordin
|
||
proc nar:highlight str { regsub -all -line {^\S+(?: ?\S*):} $str "[bold]&[bold]" }
|
||
proc google_answer args {regexp -inline -all {class="_eF">(.*?)</li>} [wget_follow http://google.co.uk/search?q=[urlencode [join $args]]]}
|
||
proc place {} {. The internet is the place for [tranny_word]}
|
||
proc british str {string map -nocase {color colour favorite favourite truck lorry bathroom loo aluminum aluminium trunk boot} $str}
|
||
proc hero {} {return "sam"}
|
||
proc crwnight {} {eval [string map { 08candidate {string toupper [crw_word]} } [info body electionnight]]}
|
||
proc bing args {each [regexp -all -inline {<div class="sb_tlst"><h3><a href="(.+?)".+?>(.+?)</a>} [last [http get http://www.bing.com/search?q=[urlescape $args]]]] {{match url title} {. "\002[html $title]\002 - \x1f$url\x1f"}}}
|
||
proc restricted {} {. These chats contain data whose export is restricted by the Arms Control Act (Title 22, Sec 2751 et. seq.), or Executive Order 12356 or the International Traffic in Arms Regulation}
|
||
proc apple {} {return "what the fukkk Apple Computer announcing switch to [shsc_word] on Monday??!"}
|
||
proc aussie {} {fart 20061114.html}
|
||
proc cadr l {lindex $l 1}
|
||
proc pornroulette args {vizgis [?? $::porn_adj] [?? $::porn_noun]}
|
||
proc pua_object {} {subst [?? $::pua_object]}
|
||
proc aimmiller {{who {}}} {return "[aim -n [aimname $who] "Not to get off on a rant here, but listening to you makes me wish I was [celebrity] joining [political_figure] in the [crime] of several [ethnic_group] during [historical_event]. Asking [country] to not [ethnic_cleansing_verb] [plural [niggerword]] is like asking [celebrity] to contract [disease_word], rub his [body_part] against my [penis_word], then stay away from the [food_word]."]"}
|
||
proc vaj_beaver {} {join [list { @ @} {('+'`)_------_ ###### Vagina Beavers} { W \ -########## Block Your Sperm} { /|/----\|\ #######} { " " " " }] \n}
|
||
proc zybloretest args {set cocks 0; foreach i [.. 0 10] {incr cocks}; . You have $cocks cocks}
|
||
proc ltop {l n} {lrange $l 0 [- $n 1]}
|
||
proc blakesunglasses {} {sunglassify [string map {-] .]} [STblake]]}
|
||
proc compact l {set r [list];foreach e $l {if {$e!=""} {lappend r $e}};return $r}
|
||
proc winkietest1 args {lrange [regexp -inline {^\W*(\w+)\s*[>:,]\s*(.*)$} $args] 1 end}
|
||
proc threatening_samesnake {{who {}}} {ajoin "" [embed [flip [snake]] "same" 3 2] [. "\n\n[wrap [. [name $who] [threaten]] 45]"]}
|
||
proc SThorse {} { pick 1 SThorse1 1 SThorse2 1 SThorse3 1 SThorse4 }
|
||
proc wolfram:time args {head 2 [wolfram "time in [regsub -nocase {^time (in )?} [join ${args}] ""]"]}
|
||
proc winkietest2 args {upvar 1 gapes localgapes; . Gapes was $localgapes}
|
||
proc sanjsay args {stampsay -s sanjay $args}
|
||
proc asciiartfarts:get_ids {} { if {[- [clock seconds] $::asciiartfartsidstxttime] > 8000} { set l [lines [http://www.asciiartfarts.com/ids.txt]]; set ::asciiartfartsids [zip [seq 1 [llength $l]] $l]; set ::asciiartfartsidstxttime [clock seconds]; }; return $::asciiartfartsids}
|
||
proc celeb_troll2 args { return "RIP [celebrity] 19[rand 10][rand 10]-[year] ~ They will be missed." }
|
||
proc please {} { subst [lindex_random $::please] }
|
||
proc nbv4 {} {return http://www.chickswithdicks.com}
|
||
proc infected {} { . "infected [format %c [rand 26] + 39]" }
|
||
proc STmexi args {. " ._-'-_ .\n . ' /_-_-_\ ` .\n .' |-_-_-_-| `.\n ( `.-_-_-.' )\n !`. .'!\n ! ` . ' !\n ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !\n / / \\\\\n _-| ___ ___/ /-_\n (_ )___)(_/__( _)\n )))) (((("}
|
||
proc time_travel_lo5 {} { lo5 [nick] }
|
||
proc oxford:pron args {last [regexp -inline -all {data-src-mp3="([^"]+?)"} [wget_follow http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/search/english/?direct=1&multi=1&q=[urlescape $args]]]}
|
||
proc laserroulette {} {if {[tinfoil? [nick]]} { return [tinfoilpewpew [nick]] } { return [pewpew [nick]] }}
|
||
proc hello_protest {} {return "<@hello> i am going to chain myself to a [appliance_word] in [city] to protest the [kerry_word] for my neocon [shakti_word]-brothers"}
|
||
proc rainvb3 {root forumid {pagenumber 1}} {rain [join [mapx [vb3_fetch_threads $root $forumid $pagenumber] x {lindex $x 1}] \n]}
|
||
proc nigqdb args {niggerize [apply lolqdb $args]}
|
||
proc gold args {set ret [join $args]; return \002\00308[regsub -all \n $ret \n\002\00308]\017}
|
||
proc asc2hb_pair two { set lines [nlsplit $two]; set sizes [cgetsize $two]; set l1 [first $lines]; set l2 [second $lines]; set lc 0; set out ""; for {set x 0} {$x < [first $sizes]} {incr x} {set f [second [cgetchar $two $x 0]]; set b [second [cgetchar $two $x 1]]; if {[sid $f$b] == 1} { append out [chb $f $b]; set lc $b } elseif {[sid $f] == 1 || [sid $b] == 1} { set lc [dfl $f $b]; append out [chb $lc $lc] } { set out "$out[chb $lc $lc]" } }; . $out }
|
||
proc ac%char {} {stampsay -s [lindex_random ${::ac%stamps}] [ac%line]}
|
||
proc FISHMECH {} {rain [german [norway [goonsay [catsay [rocketcatsay [nigqdb]]]]]]}
|
||
proc burgin {} {fatgoonweb burgin}
|
||
proc cubegoonsay args {fullcubegoonsay [join $args]}
|
||
proc version2 {} {return "\001VERSION [channel]\001"}
|
||
proc spellout args {join [map [split [join $args] {}] {char {if [regexp {[a-z]} $char] {. $::spellphabet($char)} elseif [regexp {[A-Z]} $char] {string toupper $::spellphabet($char)} else {. $char}}}]}
|
||
proc okeycounterattack {} {return "You cast [color red][capitalize "[kill_verb] all"] [color]on the [color blue]Okeys[color]!\n[color blue]Large Okey[color] [okey_defense_action]!\n[color blue]Small Okey[color] [okey_defense_action]!\n[color blue]Tiny Okey[color] [okey_defense_action]!\nParty gains [color yellow][lindex_random [seq 50 500]] experience points[color].\n[color green][choose "You are" "[name] is"] now level [lindex_random [seq 2 100]]![color]"}
|
||
proc flickr_med string {regsub _m.jpg $string .jpg}
|
||
proc absence {} {?? [lines [cwget http://pastie.textmate.org/252478.txt?key=fvszqg6hc3mjxodm8hvbfa]]}
|
||
proc nazi args {set str [join $args " "]; if { $str eq "" } { set str "stop unicode abuse" }; set ret [list]; foreach ltr [split $str ""] { if { [lsearch -exact $::unicode_abuse_map [lc $ltr]] != -1 } { lappend ret [string map $::fraktur_abuse_map [lc $ltr]] } else { lappend ret $ltr } }; return [join $ret ""] }
|
||
proc kallila {} { return "<Kalle> [uliphrase]"}
|
||
proc hisam {{who sam}} {smega {strcat "<[name]> $who: [greeting] [faglame]!"}}
|
||
proc mlia {{fuck random}} {set html [unescape_html_entities [wget [resolve http://mylifeisaverage.com/$fuck]]]; set mylife [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<span id="ls_contents-0">(.*?)<br />} $html] 1]]]; . $mylife}
|
||
proc malcom2 {} {. $::now_thats_what_i_call_autism}
|
||
proc haioh2 {} {. FEEL THE BERN...YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!}
|
||
proc autism args {return [mm $args]}
|
||
proc bonzo_stock {} {. [rand 1 5].[rand 10 99]: [color red on white]-[rand 50 99].[rand 10 99] (-[rand 10 99].[rand 10 99]%) [color blue on white][?? $::bonzo_stocks]}
|
||
proc fixfixnick f {s/[uchar feff]//g $f}
|
||
proc vday_google_searches {} {format "%02d:%02d <%s> currently on google's \"hot trends\" list for valentine's day searches\n%s" [expr {int(rand()*23)+1}] [expr {int(rand()*59)+1}] [lindex_random [names]] [mega list_crappy_restaurant]}
|
||
proc trollername args {. "$args, your secret trollername is [dikky_word] [sex_act] [internet_word]"}
|
||
proc nazispook {} {lindex_random $::nazispook}
|
||
proc magick-scale-composite-center {urlbottom urloverlay {scale 0.75}} { scale-and-composite-center_scheme $urlbottom $urloverlay $scale }
|
||
proc btc_lind {} {set bnow [btc_now]; set lnow [lind_now]; if {$bnow < $::btc_last} {set dir ↓; set color red} {set dir ↑; set color green}; if {$bnow == $::btc_last} {set dir "="; set color white}; if {$lnow > $::lind_last} {set ldir ↓; set lcolor red} {set ldir ↑; set lcolor green}; if {$lnow == $::lind_last} {set ldir "="; set lcolor white}; . BITCOIN: \$[format %.5f $bnow] [color $color]$dir[color]\n LINDEN: \$[format %.5f [expr 1.0 / $lnow]] [color $lcolor]$ldir[color]}
|
||
proc gmgmgmgmy {} {. giga mega giga mega giga mega giga mega yolo; giga mega giga mega giga mega giga mega yolo;}
|
||
proc megamoira {} {set m ""; for {set i 1} {$i<5} {incr i} {append m "[moira]\n"}; return "$m"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^\^(\^*)(.+)$/} {matches cmd} {^ [string length [lindex $matches 1]] [lindex $matches 2]}
|
||
proc shoa {} {return "~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa"}
|
||
proc rot:tranpose strl {
|
||
rot:serializemat [rot:transposematrix90 $strl]
|
||
}
|
||
proc key_vals_array arr { mapx [eval array names ::$arr] x {join [array get ::$arr $x] :} }
|
||
proc mars_phoenix {} {. "A [fluid]-containing sample made it into the [regsub :.*$ [acronym] ""] oven. I can now say I'm the first mission to [planet] to touch and then *[crw_word]* the [fluid]. [?? {FTW FTL}]!"}
|
||
proc aimbread {{name {}}} {aim -n [aimname $name] ill never forget in math class in high school back in the day, 2 black guys get in a fight and one stabs the other with a screw driver right in front of me when im like a freshman, then some black girls stands up and screams OH SHEET HE STABBED CORNBREAD}
|
||
proc shakti_disc {} {. My favorites: Maxell 80 Minute Pro (blue) for solid [shakti_adj] low end, [shakti_word] and clean [shakti_word]\; Maxell Music 80 minute gold for a [shakti_adj] hight-to-mid-to-bottom and wide [shakti_word]\; Fuji 80 Minute Audio for a [shakti_adj] sound (smoothes out the edges). Memorex Music 80 minutes is very [shakti_adj], Taiyo Yuden 700 MB are [shakti_adj], the Mitsui and BASF are in there, Sony could be better...}
|
||
proc rndtcl_operator {} {lindex_random {+ - < > >= <= == !=}}
|
||
proc cache_stats bucket {let {keys {. [llength $keys] entries, [inject $keys 0 {{bytes key} {($bytes + [string length [cache get $bucket $key]])}}] bytes}} [cache keys $bucket]}
|
||
proc importsumtcl {} {[[cwget http://ossfans.org/paste?id=0b189d] > import]}
|
||
proc mountybait {{prez {Justin Trudeau}}} {subst "I am going to kill $prez, Prime Minister of Canada."}
|
||
proc angrygoon {} {ajoin " " "\n\n[angryboner]" [flip [STgoon]]}
|
||
proc darren {} {lindex_random $::darren}
|
||
proc ricky_word {} { random_word }
|
||
proc cpchart args {. The COPINE Scale\n[cpchart1][cpchart2][cpchart3][cpchart4][cpchart5][cpchart6][cpchart7][cpchart8][cpchart9][cpchart10]}
|
||
proc trickortreat {} {ajoin [color orange on black] "" [stampsay -s pumpkin "You knocked on the door and got some [pick 1 food_word 1 disease_word 1 crw_word 1 penis_word 1 booze_word 1 swede_word 1 dnd_word]!"]}
|
||
proc imdb2 {name {hb 0}} {set ok [jpeg [imdb_pic $name] $::imdbprevsize]; if {$hb == 1} {set ok [shade $ok]}; set cum [wanttodie [string toupper $name] 16]; embed [embed [widen $ok 4] $cum [+ $::imdbprevsize 4] 1] [imdb_ $name] [+ $::imdbprevsize 4] [+ 3 [llength [nlsplit $cum]]]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^↑(↑+)$/} {matches cmd} {^ [+ 1 [string length [last $matches]]]}
|
||
proc fucking args {apply [car $args] [cdr $args]}
|
||
proc hexc c {scan $c %c a; format 0x%02x $a}
|
||
proc homebrew_cheers {} {embed [embed [embed [embed [homebrew] [flip [homebrew]] 20 1] [flip [STmoira]] 30 6] [stream 10 3] 24 3] [flip [stream 10 4]] 18 3}
|
||
proc #winkie {} { return $::winkie_macro }
|
||
proc bottle {} {join {{ ,.} { ,/ /} { /,.`)} { // /} { /_ `/} {( `/} { `-'}} \n}
|
||
proc romancandle {} {. " http://xhamster.com/movies/387288/holly_and_friend_roman_ass_candles.html"}
|
||
proc allalpopo {} {. [goeugoubogeubgo]}
|
||
proc chatstat {{hours 24}} { set a [logtime [*r 3600 $hours]]; set b {}; map $a {x { set c [getval $b [second $x]]; set b [setval $b [second $x] [+ $c 1]] }}; lsort -decreasing -integer -index 1 [chunk $b 2] }
|
||
proc atag {url args} {
|
||
if ![regexp :// $url] {
|
||
error "usage: atag [color red]url[color] \[tag tag...]"
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
set url [anormalize_tag_url $url]
|
||
foreach tag $args {
|
||
set tag [anormalize_tag_name $tag]
|
||
if ![atagged? $url $tag] {
|
||
lappend ::audio_tagged($tag) $url
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
atags_for $url
|
||
}
|
||
proc cellinsulting {} {smega {aiminsulting [cellphonenumber]}}
|
||
proc drink_pyramid {} {. " if this is /\\ \n" " beer put / \\ \n" " this at /ETHA\\ \n" " the base / NOL \\ \n" " /________\\ \n" " / | COF\\ \n" "pick 1 / TEA | FEE \\ \n" " /_______|______\\ \n" "pick / | \\ \n" " 1 / DAIRY | SOY \\ \n" " /__________|_________\\ \n" " / \\ \n" " / WATER \\ \n" "/__________________________\\\n"}
|
||
proc sliceyiff {{n {}}} {eval "string map {girlfriend mate eyes {[furry_noun]} slice {[regsub "s( |$)" [furry_verb] {\1}]}} {[slice [name $n]]}"}
|
||
proc cum0001 args {. cum1}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^U\+([0-9a-fA-F]+)$/} {matches args} {uchar [last $matches]}
|
||
proc cum0002 args {. jizz2}
|
||
proc image-god-bless url {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $url http://rolloffle.churchburning.org/images/overlays/lady-liberty-god-bless.png 0.66}
|
||
proc cum0003 args {. cum3}
|
||
proc show info feem
|
||
proc imacop {} {set who [lindex_random [names]]; return "$who: no im a cop and u just tired to cyber my forteen year old kidno im going to call the cops on u";}
|
||
proc blackfullname {} {return "[capitalize [blackname]] [lindex_random {Jones X}]"}
|
||
proc dreidle {} {bigtext "fukin jews"}
|
||
proc saynorthkorea args {set wstring "";set wstring2 ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=([string length $args]+6) } {incr i} {append wstring "_"; append wstring2 " "}; return "[color white on blue]$wstring\n[color white on red] \* [name $args] \n[color blue on blue]$wstring2"}
|
||
proc randimg {} { [lindex_random [info procs image-*]] [randtag2] }
|
||
proc kallefront {} {. "<Kalle> [lindex_random $::kallefront_gems]"}
|
||
proc myunderground {{who {[nick]}}} {wu $::wu([name [subst $who]])}
|
||
proc padofunct int {expr ([padofunct [expr $int -2]]) + ([padofunct [expr $int -3]])}
|
||
proc strip_html str {regsub -all {<[A-Za-z/!].*?>} $str {}}
|
||
proc abez_troll {} {film_troll Schindler's List}
|
||
proc confirm args {return {Confirmed}}
|
||
proc flaps {} {bgbt "[llength [names]] FLAPS"}
|
||
proc mac_weather_icon condition {. http://manimal.prettybrd.com/~leedo/weather/${condition}.png}
|
||
proc isList {} {}
|
||
proc engrish {lang args} {$lang->en [en->$lang [$lang->en [en->$lang [join $args]]]]}
|
||
proc rot:B {} { return $::rotB; }
|
||
proc fivepillars {} {return "The New Five Pillars of the devout [religious]\n1. Hate [country]\n2. Hate [ethnic_group]\n3. Hate [faglame]s. \n4. Beat, maim, and kill women and daughters who dont wear their [clothing]\n5. No [choose [sport] [food_word] [animal] [shakti_word] [crime] [sex_do]ing] on [day]."}
|
||
proc rot:C {} { return $::rotC; }
|
||
proc randomoverlay url {magick_overlay $url [?? $::overlays]}
|
||
proc longomg {{n 1}} {. " __\n/..\\\n[string repeat "| |\n" $n]\\_O/"}
|
||
proc lncog {} {. [crash]}
|
||
proc halfdavid {} {return " /\n\\/ \n/\\ \n \\"}
|
||
proc calc args {. [strip_space [html [strip_html [last [regexp -inline {<h2 class=r><font size=\+1><b>(.*?)</b>} [cwget http://wolfgang.nonexiste.net/google.php?q=[urlescape [join $args ]]]]]]]]}
|
||
proc tinfoil? name {if {[lgrep $name $::tinfoilhats]=={}} { return 0 } { return 1} }
|
||
proc popeye2 {} {. hey govt, look what popeye is doing: [spook]}
|
||
proc gentoo {} {return "/usr/bin/gcc -c -pipe -fPIC -Wall -Werror [lselect_random {-D_GNU_SOURCE -D_URMOM_ -DDEBUG } 1] -O[rand 99] [mcpu] [cflags] [hyphenword].c"}
|
||
proc STmoirasteroids {} {join {{ _____} { |_____|} { / \ } {|NOXPLODE®|} {|_________|}} \n}
|
||
proc zuludel {} {gudrize [zulu [dreidel]]}
|
||
proc aimstinker args {aim -n [aimname $args] "Wanna tinker with my stinker?"}
|
||
proc rncockrow a { return [rainbow [ncockrow $a]]}
|
||
proc HEX2BIN hex { return [binary format H* $hex] }
|
||
proc car2 {} {. [choose Hummer SUV Toyota]}
|
||
proc shsc {} {return "irb(main):001:0> shsc = Thread.new {}\n=> #<Thread:0x3006db10 dead>"}
|
||
proc ran_threada {} {set num [expr {260000+round(rand()*(2730000-260000))}]; return "$num"}
|
||
proc factor_rank? {{n {}}} {
|
||
global factor_stats
|
||
if {$n eq ""} {set n [nick]}
|
||
set scores [lsort -decreasing -command cmp_factor_stats [array_to_list factor_stats]]
|
||
set i [lsearch [map1 [lsort -decreasing -command cmp_factor_stats [array_to_list factor_stats]] {every_n_from 3 0}] $n]
|
||
if {$i < 0} {
|
||
return "$n hasn't factored any polynomials"
|
||
} elseif {$i eq 0} {
|
||
return "$n can't be ranked any higher"
|
||
} else {
|
||
set p1 [lindex [lindex $scores [expr $i-1]] 0]
|
||
set p2 [lindex [lindex $scores $i] 0]
|
||
set f1 [lindex [lindex $scores [expr $i-1]] 1]
|
||
set f2 [lindex [lindex $scores $i] 1]
|
||
set e1 [lindex [lindex $scores [expr $i-1]] 2]
|
||
set e2 [lindex [lindex $scores $i] 2]
|
||
set d [expr int(ceil((pow($f1,2)-2*$e1*$f2+sqrt(pow($f1,2)*(4*$e1*$e2+pow($f1,2)-4*$e1*$f2)))/(2*$e1)))]
|
||
return "$p2 needs to factor $d polynomials correctly to overtake $p1"
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc gorb {} {savagesay [gorfsay [rand_talking_name]]}
|
||
proc bj_dhand {} { return [blackjack_print_player dealer]; }
|
||
proc niggertime {} {return "http://www.fischerfam.net/ftp/bionic/whiteblack.swf"}
|
||
proc lsubtract {from items} {set ret [list]; foreach i $from {if {[lsearch -exact $items $i] == -1} {lappend ret $i}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc scale-and-composite-center-gen {imgtop imgbottom scale} {
|
||
return "
|
||
(let ((img (image $imgtop))
|
||
(mh (* $scale (height img)))
|
||
(mw (* $scale (width img)))
|
||
(img2 (image $imgbottom))
|
||
(w (width img2))
|
||
(h (height img2))
|
||
(ws (if (> w h) (* (/ mw w) w) (* (/ mh h) w)))
|
||
(hs (if (> w h) (* (/ mw w) h) (* (/ mh h) h)))
|
||
(img3 (resize img2 ws hs)))
|
||
(composite img img3 (/ (- (width img) ws) 2) (/ (- (height img) hs) 2) ))"
|
||
}
|
||
proc jewburn {} {return "burn any who goes by the name of [jewfullname]"}
|
||
proc lump {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "$who, u dont even know me kid shut the fuck up hidin behind your computer i'd fuckin lump u out if you fronted on me like that in person"}
|
||
proc gorf args {. ,\n ..\n $args\n *\n *\n * * \n _ _ }
|
||
proc card_shuffle {} { map1 [deck] {lindex [card_deck]} }
|
||
proc flash {} {heynot Hey @Adobe: Stop Crashing My Browser}
|
||
proc TAFKADH {} {lol {MORE LIKE DIKKy HEARTIEZ}}
|
||
proc ulfditions args {ulfback "[conditions] ... [choose *sigh* FML oh\ well]"}
|
||
proc diagnosis_zej {{who {}}} {stampsay -l -s doczej [subst [?? $::diagnosis_dict]]}
|
||
proc utf_is char {~http://givingin.org/unicode/id/[urlencode $char]}
|
||
proc bigrands {} {return "[bt [rands 10]]"}
|
||
proc sa_thread_add {forumid threadid title} {global SA; if ![info exists SA($forumid)] {set SA($forumid) [list]}; if {[sa_thread_index $threadid] == -1} {lappend SA($forumid) $threadid $title; return $threadid} {return 0}}
|
||
proc STnigger {} {choose [strangefruit] [flip [strangefruit]]}
|
||
proc test_proc1 {} {catch { error "faggots" } ret; return $ret }
|
||
proc magick-scale-composite-top-right {url1 url2 {scale 0.5}} { magick_scheme [scale-and-composite-gen $url1 $url2 $scale T R] }
|
||
proc test_proc2 {} { catch { set k "faggots" } ret; return $ret }
|
||
proc rot:V {} { return $::rotV; }
|
||
proc raindrudge {} {. "ObamaReport\n" "[join [map1 [lrange [drudge] 0 9] {strcat [gay]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc cached_lolqdb {} { set out [lindex_random $::cached_lolqdb]; if {[rand 6] == 0} { catch { set out [lolqdb]; lappend ::cached_lolqdb $out} }; return $out; }
|
||
proc ceval:exists key {expr {[ceval:load $key] && $data(timestamp) >= [clock seconds]}}
|
||
proc web2_job_ad {} {. [web2_name] is looking to hire a [shsc_word] [web2_job]}
|
||
proc test_proc3 {} {catch [concat say x] val; return $val}
|
||
proc master_score_get i { set a [lindex [array get ::mastermind_score $i] 1]; if {$a == ""} { array set ::mastermind_score [list $i 0]; return 0; } else { return $a };}
|
||
proc latex args {magick noop http://www.codecogs.com/eq.latex?[urlencode [join $args]]#.png}
|
||
proc morecoffee? {} {return "no."}
|
||
proc test_proc4 {} {catch { say x } val; return $val}
|
||
proc sendqhelix2 word {rain [regsub -all "\x0f" [mega join [map [. [seq 10 1] [seq 1 10]] {n {. [aflip [cosharc $word $n]]}}] \n] ""]}
|
||
proc talking_mmm {{who {}}} {set temp [name $who]; . "<$temp> [capitalize [talking_word_for $temp]]. [mmm]";}
|
||
proc poopers {} { return "Poopers: [http://poopstat.us/count.yaws]"}
|
||
proc buttesdreidel {} {lindex_random {peepee dicke cock boner}}
|
||
proc drudgeremake {} {string toupper [subst [join [lindex $::drudge_headlines 4]]]}
|
||
proc gay_pl_color_ify {procname args} {set ret ""; foreach char [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {if {$char eq ","} {set char ",,"}; append ret [color_n [eval $procname]]$char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc kill_verb {} {lindex_random $::kill_dict}
|
||
proc imdb_ name {set ok [jsget http://www.omdbapi.com/?t=[urlencode $name]]; if {[catch {_dict_get $ok Title}] == 1} {return "not found"}; set out [rep2stars [expr [_dict_get $ok imdbRating]*4] 10]\n\x20\n; foreach cool [top [lweed $ok 0] 13] {append out "[^B]$cool:[^B] [_dict_get $ok $cool]\n \n"}; m [nlsplit $out] {x {wrap $x 80}} \n}
|
||
proc evalcache args { set cmd [. $args]; set sides 6; if [expr ! [cache exists evalcache $cmd] || [expr [rand $sides] == 0]] { set res [eval $cmd]; cache put evalcache $cmd $res; return $res; } else { return [cache get evalcache $cmd]; } }
|
||
proc get_toot {} {. toot}
|
||
proc shuf args { shuffle [args] }
|
||
proc oclet {} { strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp "I took [rand 100] [drug_word]s, [rand 100] [drug_word]s, [rand 100] [drug_word]s, [rand 100] [drug_word]s, topped off with [rand 100] [drug_word]s. [fatgoon_finale]. [ripper_line]. But only my little chat princess can get my hy. *awwww*"] }
|
||
proc gassy {} {string map {\n { }} [wget http://raci.st/GaSSy.txt]}
|
||
proc frot_figures {} {ajoin " " [embed [ajoin " " [STdance] [oldflip [STdance]]] "_ _" 4 2] "- let's frot!"}
|
||
proc STrandrzej {} {embed [embed [embed [STpolehead] [?? $::andrzej_eyes] 5 2] [?? $::andrzej_nose] 7 3] [?? $::andrzej_mouth] 7 4}
|
||
proc cutbackify2 url {magick_scheme (let ((cbimg (image http://i.buttes.org/http://cryptosystem.org/images/sa/cutback_blank.png)) (sized (resize_to_fit (grayscale (image $url )) 63 79)) (x (width sized)) (y (height sized)) (xoff (if (< x 63) (/ (- 63 x) 2) 0)) (yoff (if (< y 79) (/ (- 79 y) 2) 0))) (composite cbimg sized (+ 11 xoff) (+ 11 yoff)))}
|
||
proc tai2 {{who {}}} {thinkaboutit2 $who}
|
||
proc ratio1 {} {. "[expr round(100.0 * [mike_count] / [gay_count]) / 100.0] mikes per gay (mpg)"}
|
||
proc puarig {} {. You buy a kickass [pua_object], [pua_verb2] the hell out of it, then you will get [articleize [pua_adjective]] [pua_object]. Simple as that.}
|
||
proc okey_totem {} {join [list { _____ } { /(.) \ } {( ,|,(.)} { \_<->_/ } { /~<->~\ } {( '|'(')} { \(')__/ } { /(,) \ } {( ,|,(,)} { \_<->_/ } { /~<->~\ } {( '|'(')} { \(') / } { ~~~~~ }] \n}
|
||
proc hellsoap {} {return "for that sir i give you 5, 5 golden man babies of the goldest sort. you sir, are a god among men and i would like to have you man children ASAP. you also owe me a new keyboard becuase i was drinking milk and laughed SO hard that i spit it all over it and now it is ruined and my co-workers think i am insane for yelling out 555 GOLDEN ABBIES at work and i am now probably fired LOL"}
|
||
proc ratio2 {} {. "[expr 1.0 * [mike_count] / [jew_count]] mikes per kike (mpk)"}
|
||
proc pornstar {} {lindex_random $::pornstars}
|
||
proc mmm2 {{who {}}} {set ret ""; if [string length $who] { append ret "$who: " }; . "$ret[lindex_random $::mmm_phrases]"}
|
||
proc longroll {} {. [bold][uchar f6] o[uchar 0308] o: o[uchar 0324] [underline o][underline ""] [uchar 0324]o :o [uchar 0308]o}
|
||
proc rainstuff {} {act [rainbow [string range [join [lrange [split [stuff]] 1 end]] 0 end-1]]}
|
||
proc image-doobie {url {index 0}} { last [magick_mouth $url [img-doobieoverlay] $index]}
|
||
proc albot {} {lindex_random $::albot_dict}
|
||
proc avatar-think {avatar text {orient L}} {
|
||
magick_scheme [gen-avatar-say-code $avatar $text $orient http://churchturing.org/x/thoughtballoonL.png ]
|
||
}
|
||
proc STshake {} {. " /\\ __\n \\ .-':::.\n \\ :::::|\\\n |,\\:::'/ \\\n `.:::-' \\\n `-. \\\n `-. |\n `-.-' "}
|
||
proc girlmecha {} {embed [whale] [STgoon] 15 7}
|
||
proc STcsammis {} {string map {{__________} {___,,,,,,_} _O_ )o(} [STgoon]}
|
||
proc shscpumpkin {} {while [catch {ajoin "" [stampsay -l -s pumpkin ""] [wt [shsc_word]]} str] {}; return $str}
|
||
proc SCO {} {. Welcome to SCO Genuine Advantage. Unfortunately our systems have detected that [name] has not paid his \$700 license fee, and thus will be prosecuted for copyright infringement.}
|
||
proc butanconstitution {} {. We, the people of the Hodapp, in order to form a more perfect Chipotle, establish Frappuchinos, insure domestic Butans, provide for the common presing, and secure the blessings of 37signals to ourselves and our Macfaginess while denying andrzej access to any and all ex-girlfriends, do ordain and establish this IRC chat log for the United States of Butan}
|
||
proc month {} {return [lindex_random $::month]}
|
||
proc tranny_cyber {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; cyber2 $who [regsub -all {(\S)e?s\M} [tranny_word] {\1}]}
|
||
proc bj_hit {} { return [bj_hitme]; }
|
||
proc STtranny {} {embed [STgoonette] [flip [ncock 2]] 12 16}
|
||
proc blackjack_get_bid p { return [lindex [array get ::blackjack_bid $p] 1];}
|
||
proc upper args {string toupper [join $args]}
|
||
proc snares_album {} {. [pick 2 {. Edmonton} 1 canada_city] is a Frozen Shithole}
|
||
proc shut args {return "no you shut [join $args]"}
|
||
proc cheeseburger args {. hey [name $args] yo momma in da lunch serves da cheezeburga}
|
||
proc unixrandpath {} {unix_path [expr {int(rand()*7)+2}]}
|
||
proc twatsearch args {set out {}; set result [json2dict [http://search.twitter.com/search.json?include_entities=true&result_type=mixed&q=[urlencode [join $args]]]]; foreach r [dict_get_val {^results$} $result] {lappend out "@[dict_get_val {^from_user$} $r] - [dict_get_val {^text$} $r]"}; join $out "\n"}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/kefka/ args {more_p fart}
|
||
proc tinfail {} {return "Write this down and keep it in a safe place (away from windows and telephones): \"[spook 2]\""}
|
||
proc kalleterror {} {return "!parrot [kallebooize "[spook] [spook] [spook] [spook] [spook]"]"}
|
||
proc dickroulette {} {apply {ajoin " "} [map [getnuniq 5 name] {name {dickroulettechoose $name}}]}
|
||
proc arab2 {} {embed [embed [embed [eye [smiles]] [rain [wrap [buttes #arab] 20]] 2 7] [rain [bt #arab]] 1 2] [STdarren] 60 6}
|
||
proc sing {} okeyrap
|
||
proc neg' {} {. [theo] [mmm]}
|
||
proc alpha_replace {alphabet str} { tcl string map [zip [split abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz {}] [split $alphabet {}]] $str}
|
||
proc winkiefm {} {. { Winkie A Gay Band Some Gay Song}}
|
||
proc heckle_aim {{name {}}} {set name [aimname $name];strcat .ai "m $name Hey $name! You [gudrow_word] [gudrow_word]!"}
|
||
proc aimthreaten {} { return "don't use me" }
|
||
proc swede_sentence {} {return "[join [mapx [seq 1 5] x {pick 1 swede_act 1 swede_word}] " "] [swede_word]"}
|
||
proc IRCSense {{who {}}} {. <Winkie> Hey [name $who], have you bought [?? $::googleproducts] yet ?}
|
||
proc recordpoop {{nick {}} {type {}}} {if {[array get ::lastpoop $nick] ne ""} {lappend ::poophistory($nick) $::lastpoop($nick)} {}; set pooptime [clock seconds]; array set ::lastpoop [list [name $nick] $pooptime]; if {$type ne ""} {set ::pooptype($nick$pooptime) $type} }
|
||
proc buttbuttbutt {} {return "!butt tcl buttbuttbutt"}
|
||
proc heron2 {} {strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp "i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans"]}
|
||
proc column {list col} { map $list {x {. [lindex $x $col]}} }
|
||
proc seinthread {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> check out this thread on [seinfeld_word] [thread_gen]"}
|
||
proc heron3 {} { return [wale]; }
|
||
proc blackjack_dealer_loses {} { set out {}; foreach {p} [blackjack_players] { if {$p=="dealer"} { } else { lappend out [blackjack_wins $p]; }; blackjack_init; return [join $out " " ]; } }
|
||
proc bigquote symbol {array set info [first [stock_info $symbol]]; if {$info(change) < 0} {set dir ↓; set color red} {set dir ↑; set color green}; ajoin " " [bt [string trimleft $symbol .]] [bgr [color_of $color] "$dir $info(last_trade)"]}
|
||
proc dmail1 {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/index.rss]]]}
|
||
proc fake_italian {} { return "you know [?? $::italian_first_name_m] and [?? $::italian_first_name_f] [?? $::italian_last_name]? their kid [choose [?? $::italian_first_name_m] [?? $::italian_first_name_f]] got married and is livin down in [?? $::fake_italian_place]" }
|
||
proc nwo_chemical {} {?? $::nwo_chemicals}
|
||
proc mockblake {{n 0}} {blakediapersay [last [lastblake $n]]}
|
||
proc dmail2 {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.dailymail.co.uk/property/index.rss]]]}
|
||
proc buttrix {} {. [macro buttrix]\n Neo was really [nicklist]}
|
||
proc chinkplace {} {lindex_random $::chinkplace_dict}
|
||
proc dmail3 {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/directory/index.rss?healthTopic=7]]]}
|
||
proc rooooooo {} {pink [chinksay [lindex $::octalemo_dict 0]]}
|
||
proc pythonname {} {return "[waspfirstname] [string totitle [animal_word]]"}
|
||
proc gayxzibit {} {string map {"YO DICK" "YO ASS" "U FROT" "U FUK"} [string map {CARS DICKS CAR DICK DRIVE FROT} [xzibit]]}
|
||
proc dmail4 {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/directory/index.rss?healthTopic=6]]]}
|
||
proc random_word args {set dict [?? $::dicts_singleword]; ?? [set ::[subst $dict]]}
|
||
proc zunewelcome {{who {}}} {return "\[ \]¤ ~Z ~U ~N ~E ~+ ¤\[ \] /\\ [grapefruitize SQUIR][grapefruitize TING:] \[|||[grapefruitize 100%]|||\] [grapefruitize COMPLETE] /\\ [grapefruitize Welcome to the social, [name $who]!]"}
|
||
proc seinaim {{name {}}} { if {$name eq ""} {set name [lindex_random $::gbs_aim_dict]}; return ".a\im $name and what's the deal with [seinfeld_word] ?"}
|
||
proc rmaximum l { last [lsort -real $l] }
|
||
proc drink {} {return "[booze_container_word] of [pick 1 {booze_word} 1 {return "[booze_word] and [booze_word]"}]"}
|
||
proc voices {} { return $::voices}
|
||
proc gisfml {} {set f [fml]; set g [gis [join [map [lrange [lreverse [lsort [word_count $f]]] 0 4] [& cdr]]]]; return [list $g $f]}
|
||
proc rules {} {return "uh oh, [nick] has been getting into winkie's stash"}
|
||
proc STcastle {} {return " <I \n^^^ | ^^^\n|u|_^^^^^_|u|\n|_ u _ u _|\n |__|;|__| "}
|
||
proc str2bin {str {sep { }} {endian B}} {join [map [explode $str] {x {dec2bin [str2dec $x ""] $endian}}] $sep}
|
||
proc popeyes {} popeye
|
||
proc pantshitting {_O20 dick2dick ZiRC} {return $rizon; return $pissing_on}
|
||
proc daytime {} {clock format [clock seconds]}
|
||
proc unicode_abuse args {set str [join $args " "]; if { $str eq "" } { set str "stop unicode abuse" }; set ret [list]; foreach ltr [split $str ""] { if { [lsearch -exact $::unicode_abuse_map [lc $ltr]] != -1 } { lappend ret [uchar [string map $::unicode_abuse_map [lc $ltr]]] } else { lappend ret $ltr } }; return [join $ret ""] }
|
||
proc ltail list {lrange $list 1 end}
|
||
proc instapop {{num 12}} { smega {pick 1 gaybar 1 rickroll 1 bgb 1 kanyeupper 1 liljon 1 boobscotch } $num }
|
||
proc kalleboner {} karaboner
|
||
proc bristol {} { s/lumpy/like\ Trig\ Palin/ [s/Bristol/Bristol\ Palin/ [s/stool/miscarriage/ig [stool]]]}
|
||
proc trace:tree_level {proc l} {apply {set ttree} [. "\$::ttree_${proc}"]; each [lsearch -regexp -all $ttree "^${l}\$"] {idx {. [uplevel "lrange \$ttree [expr $idx - 1] $idx"]}}}
|
||
proc doctoral {} {return "You have [string totitle [sexpart]] [string totitle [choose [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]]] [string totitle [disease]]."}
|
||
proc operation_kill_the_yokels {} {. $::trump_evidence}
|
||
proc collogay {} {. collo[next_in_list {gay fag queer}] is for [next_in_list {fag queer gay}]s}
|
||
proc celebslander {} {return "[slander [choose [celebrity] [political_figure]]]"}
|
||
proc rot:max {a b} { if {$a > $b} { return $a; } { return $b;}}
|
||
proc rating {} {return "I rate it [set n [expr {int(rand()*100)+3}]] out of [incr n +[rand 20]] [plural [goon_word]]!"}
|
||
proc sjgr {} {. "SHIT , JUST\nGOT (_) REAL\n (______)\n (==========)\n"}
|
||
proc redir args {return ".redir [map1 $args stripcolon]"}
|
||
proc img2asc url {unescape_html_entities [regsub -all {<br>} [last [regexp -inline {asciiimage">(.+?)</span>} [wget http://www.ascii-art.org/exe.php?image=[urlencode $url]&resolution=3&mode=1&line-height=6&letter-spacing=0&fixed_char=W]]] ""]}
|
||
proc dinosaurcity {} {rexsay "[jerkcity][choose "." "!" "!!" "?" "?!"]"}
|
||
proc xmasbowchar c {set c [string toupper $c]; if ![info exists ::alphabet($c)] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]}; set ret [list]; foreach line [split [decode $::alphabet($c)] \n] {set g [xmas_colours]; lappend ret [regsub -all {\*($|\n| )} [regsub -all {(^|\n| )\*} $line "\\1$g,$g*"] "*\\1"]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc tags {} {
|
||
lsort [array names ::images_tagged]
|
||
}
|
||
proc magick-scale-composite-center-left {url1 url2 {scale 0.5}} { magick_scheme [scale-and-composite-gen $url1 $url2 $scale C L] }
|
||
proc warez_nl {} {nfo [join [nicklist]].[shakti_word].[join [shsc_word] .][virusextension]}
|
||
proc rahowa {} { set c [+ 1 [cache_get_default rahowa count 0]]; cache put rahowa count $c; . RaHoWas: $c}
|
||
proc mockhunterx11 {{n 0}} {caption [img-hunterx11] [^ $n HunterX11]}
|
||
proc STdoctor {} {. " .----. \n ===(_)== \n // 6 6 \\\\ \n ( 7 ) \n \\ '--' / \n \\_ ._/ \n __) (__ \n /\"`/`\\`V/`\\`\\ \n/ \\ `Y _/_ \\"}
|
||
proc thoughtcrime {{fag thougtcrime}} {. "$fag does not entail death; $fag IS death."}
|
||
proc ctwat args {twat [join $args] #current}
|
||
proc odd_elm args {every_n_from 2 1 [join $args]}
|
||
proc teapot {} {?? $::teapot_dict}
|
||
proc Kori args {return "[color white on black] I like rice"}
|
||
proc audiophile_review {{product {}}} {. The [or $product "[audiophile_brand] [audiophile_product_word]"] brought new [shakti_word] to the system. [capitalize [shakti_word]], [shakti_word] and [shakti_word] all improved greatly. My friend has a Ph.D. in [shakti_word] studies and agreed that the [shakti_word] was noticeably amazing.}
|
||
proc magicunderwear {} crash
|
||
proc goonjob {} { lindex_random $::goonjob_dict }
|
||
proc function {} {return "[strip_w [random_word]]()"}
|
||
proc SToctalc0de {} {join {{ _______} {( _ _ )} {(____.__)}} \n}
|
||
proc snakesay args { return [ajoin " " "\n$args" [snake]];}
|
||
proc blax {} {return "[b]BLAX STATUS = [u][color red]TRUMPED[color][u][b]"}
|
||
proc aimf_crw args {aimify crw $args}
|
||
proc dexwx {{station kmia}} {dexterback [temperature $station]}
|
||
proc pledge args {set a [first [join $args " "] [upper [disease_word]]];return " ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE $a PLEDGE? I PROMISE IF I GET $a TO VISIT AS MANY MALLS AS I CAN. IN THE EVENT OF MY POSSIBLE DEATH I WILL TRY TO COVER UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE IN MY GERMS AND HUMAN GOO";}
|
||
proc tail {n args} {if {[llength $args] == 0} {set str $n; set n 10} {set str [lindex $args 0]}; join [lrange [lines $str] end-[expr $n-1] end] \n}
|
||
proc hactar {} {return "I like dicks"}
|
||
proc seizuretext {img {text { }} {size 20} {xoff 10} {yoff 10} {wrap 10} {delay 0.1}} {animate -delay $delay [magick annotate $img $size $xoff $yoff black [wrap [upper $text] $wrap]] [magick annotate [magick solarize [magick flop $img]] $size $xoff $yoff white [wrap [upper $text] $wrap]]}
|
||
proc lfmf_uri {} {last [regexp -inline {Location (.*)$} [lindex [http get "http://learnfrommyfail.failblog.org/?random"] end-1]]}
|
||
proc kosherpostcard args {set url [join $args]; if ![regexp {^https?:} $url] {set url [gis [or $url "tropical paradise"]]}; magick polaroid [magick annotate [image-kosherize [image-bbw $url]] 30 10 5 Red {Wish You Were Here!}]}
|
||
proc until_gt {pattern procname} { set l [$procname]; if [expr $pattern <= $l] { return $l } else { return [until $pattern $procname] } }
|
||
proc lastfm:butanfm {} {drawtable2 [map [lastfm:GetListenersHTML onebutan] {html {list [fixnick [lastfm:namemap [lastfm:user $html]]] [lastfm:artist $html] [lastfm:track $html]}}] {red green violet} [subst -nocommands {[color [next_in_list {orange blue}]][uchar f8ff]}]}
|
||
proc bigtooley {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[tooley [bigtext $who]]"}
|
||
proc wtf555555 {} {info level 0}
|
||
proc rrrr {} {foreach rrr [info procs] {proc $rrr {} {. rrr}}}
|
||
proc was_this_funny nick {goonsay [^ 1 $nick] - [8ball] - I rate a solid [rand 0 3]/10. [fatgoon_finale].}
|
||
proc albotsubmitdrudge {} {submitdrudge [albot]}
|
||
proc slashpoll {} {set html [wget http://slashdot.org/]; join [concat [list [slashpoll_title $html]] [mapx [slashpoll_choices $html] choice {concat "* $choice"}]] \n}
|
||
proc goodcrash {} {apply [?? {wet bt bgt bt2 rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize figlet americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize nimpify underscoreize gayflagify grapefruitize fullwidth unicode_abuse {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {"[nick] is a [faglame]"}}
|
||
proc nickmap nick { array_get_default nick_map $nick $nick}
|
||
proc image-double-fu img { image-fu-right [image-fu $img] }
|
||
proc audi {} {return "http://www.20bucket.com/2009audiS4.jpg"}
|
||
proc bonzo_sings {} {?? $::bonzo_lyrics}
|
||
proc dickputer {} { string map {{O/ |} {C==8} {OH WOW} {mffmfmfmmfmmf} {LET ME IN} {YOU CANT TALK} {ON THIS} {WITH A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH}} [lmiot mmmffmmfmmmf] }
|
||
proc bugger {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "OI M8, IF $who FINKS HE CAN TALK ABOUT ME BIRD VAT WAY I'S GONNA ROIGHT BUGGER 'IS MUM U FUK"}
|
||
proc take {n list} {lrange $list 0 [expr $n - 1]}
|
||
proc oneoff {} {lindex_random $::oneoffs}
|
||
proc unichar_hex hex {if { [regexp {^[0-9a-fA-F]+$} $hex] == 0 } { return [unichar_dec 0xfffd] }; set num [expr 0x$hex]; return [unichar_dec $num]}
|
||
proc troll_me {} { set out [lindex_random $::cached_troll_me_raw]; if {[rand 6] == 0} { catch { set out [troll_me_raw]; lappend ::cached_troll_me_raw $out} }; return $out; }
|
||
proc saqboast {} {goonsay "I can minimize [saq_skill] and optimize [saq_skill]"}
|
||
proc auto_tr args { cwget http://translate.google.com/translate_a/t?client=t&text=[urlencode $args]&hl=en&sl=auto&tl=en&multires=1&ssel=0&tsel=0&uptl=en&sc=1 }
|
||
proc prog2inf args {global eng_cr eng_vr eng_dr;regsub -nocase "($eng_dr){2}ing\\b" $args {\1}}
|
||
proc bearcode_url code {http://www.happydoodle.org/bear_code/decode.php?bearcode=$code&submit=Submit}
|
||
proc protip2 {} {return ".SHUT THE FUCK UP AFED."}
|
||
proc STbabygoon {} { join [list { _s_____ } { ([ -][ -]} { (___(c)_)} ] \n }
|
||
proc laugh {{size 0}} {let {size {join [repeat $size {join [repeat [rand 1 3] [list . [next_in_list {a h}]]] [?? {{} { }}]}] {}}} [if {$size == 0} {rand 10 30} {set size}]}
|
||
proc jewliday {} {return "[lindex_random {Ch H}]a[lindex_random {n nn}]u[lindex_random {k kk}]ah"}
|
||
proc hitlerindustries {} {return "I made a [jewproduct] out of [jewfullname]"}
|
||
proc randbible {} {lindex [regexp -inline {<p>([^<]+)} [wget http://www.bible-history.com/random.php]] 1}
|
||
proc mroachism {} {join [list [mroach2] [pix_tag cnnhd]] \n}
|
||
proc gaybuttrix {} {. [gayflagify [macro buttrix]]}
|
||
proc rand_mac_icon {} {mac_icon [?? $::icns]}
|
||
proc aimf_ctz args {aimify ctz $args}
|
||
proc unparse_formatting_color {new old} {array set n $new;array set o $old;if {($n(fg) == -1 && $n(bg) == -1) || ($n(fg) == $o(fg) && $n(bg) == $o(bg))} return;set ret ;if !$n(c) {if {$n(fg) != -1} {if {$n(fg) != $o(fg)} {append ret [format %02s $n(fg)]}};if {$n(bg) != -1} {if {$n(bg) != $o(bg)} {append ret ,[format %02s $n(bg)]}}};return $ret}
|
||
proc juche {} {draw {{00011111111111100000000000000000011001} {00000000000001100000000011111000011001} {00000000000111000000000000000000011001} {00000000001110000000000000000000011001} {00000000111000000000001111111100011001} {00000011101110000000000000001100011001} {00011110000011110000000000001100011001} {00110000000000011000000000011000011001} {00000000000000000000000000011000011001} {00000000000000000000000000110011111001} {00000000000000000000000000110000011001} {11111111111111111110000001111000011001} {00000000010000000000000111001100011001} {00000000010000000000001100000110011001} {00000000010000000000011000000011011001} {00000000010000000000000000000000011001} {00000000010000000000000000000000011001} {00000000010000000000000000000000011001} {00000000010000000000000000000000011001} {00000000010000000000000000000000000001}}}
|
||
proc homosexuals? {} { return "[llength [names]] homosexuals" }
|
||
proc randmeasure10 {} {return "[choose [randmeasure] [randmeasure2] [randmeasure3] [randmeasure4] [randmeasure5] [randmeasure6] [randmeasure7] [randmeasure8] [randmeasure9] [randmeasure11] [randmeasure12]]"}
|
||
proc liquid {} {lindex_random $::liquid_dict}
|
||
proc cordify str {string map [list cord $str] [cord]}
|
||
proc randmeasure11 {{who {}}} {return "http://[name $who].on.nimp.org/[choose "~[name $who]" download "download/~[name $who]"]/[choose [virusfile] [virusfile2] ]/u?=[butte_word]"}
|
||
proc grouphug {} {?? [grouphugs]}
|
||
proc randmeasure12 {{who {}}} {return "http://[lindex_random $::nicklist].on.nimp.org/[choose "~[name $who]" download "download/~[name $who]"]/[choose [virusfile] [virusfile2] ]/u?=[butte_word]"}
|
||
proc onweed args {concat have you ever [join $args]? have you ever [join $args]...[color green]ON WEED??[color]}
|
||
proc obama2 {} {return "The point I was making was not that my grandmother harbors any racial animosity, but that she is a typical [singleethnic]. If she sees [ethnic_group] on the street that she doesn't know there's a reaction in her."}
|
||
proc muslims {} {checkbox "muslims should be killed" "all muslims should be killed"}
|
||
proc cellfish {} {smega {aimaway [cellphonenumber]}}
|
||
proc root? {} {set rootusers 0; set userswhoareroot ""; foreach darren [string tolower [names]] { if [regexp {^root@.?} [hostmask $darren]] { append userswhoareroot "$darren "; incr rootusers; }; }; return [c "$rootusers ROOT USERS:" [join $userswhoareroot ","]];}
|
||
proc track_ups number {set results {}; foreach {{} loc {} date {} time {} desc} [regexp -all -line -inline {^<td (?:align="right" )?class="sec-pad">(.*)} [string map [list \n " " <td \n<td </td \n</td] [lindex [regexp -inline {<!-- Begin Package Progress -->(.*?)<!-- End Package Progress -->} [track_ups_html $number]] 1]]] {lappend results [list [join [html $loc]] [join $date] [join $time] [join [html $desc]]]}; return $results}
|
||
proc talk args {return ".say [regsub -all {[^a-z0-9()-,.? ]+} [string tolower [strip_all [join $args]]] {}]"}
|
||
proc qwantz_tube tube {qwantz [lrange [lreverse [youtube_comments $tube]] 0 10]}
|
||
proc parse_sa_thread_posters a { set b [parse_sa_thread $a]; set o {}; foreach {p} $b { lappend o [lindex $p 1] }; return $o;}
|
||
proc capitalize_first str {. "[string toupper [string index $str 0]][string range $str 1 end]"}
|
||
proc unknown_find_command {pattern resultvar} {upvar $resultvar result; set commands [unknown_lfilter_glob_or_regexp [info commands] $pattern]; if [llength $commands] {set result [lindex_random $commands]; return 1}; return 0}
|
||
proc atags_for url {
|
||
set tags [list]
|
||
foreach tag [tags] {
|
||
if [atagged? $url $tag] {
|
||
lappend tags $tag
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return $tags
|
||
}
|
||
proc ytvidlen vid {clock format [pwget {seconds='(.+?)'} http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/videos/$vid] -format %T -gmt 1}
|
||
proc rSTAMP {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs ST*]]}
|
||
proc parse_html {html cmd} { regsub -all \{ $html {\&ob;} html; regsub -all \} $html {\&cb;} html; set w " \t\r\n"; proc HMcl x {return "\[$x\]"}; set exp <(/?)([HMcl ^$w>]+)[HMcl $w]*([HMcl ^>]*)>; set sub "\}\n$cmd {\\2} {\\1} {\\3} \{"; regsub -all $exp $html $sub html; eval "$cmd {} {} {} \{ $html \}"; }
|
||
proc onnotice:post {} {http post http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/. line1 [lindex $::onnotice_list 0] line2 [lindex $::onnotice_list 1] line3 [lindex $::onnotice_list 2] line4 [lindex $::onnotice_list 3] line5 [lindex $::onnotice_list 4] line6 [lindex $::onnotice_list 5] line7 [lindex $::onnotice_list 6] line8 [lindex $::onnotice_list 7]}
|
||
proc old_dukeku {} {return "SEX Drinkin Smokin GOin DOwnz to flushin to see mah boi DukEku CHilln'z shootin off mah buddy at dem bloodz fo sho hmm das it niggus Smart Ass Niggu 2 got a 1460 on mah S.A.T.S"}
|
||
proc whosthere {} {return "[name]"}
|
||
proc regulate {} {string map {@ ☭ } [pedosay My baby mama looks [expr [rand 10] +5] and I still ride bikes for fun]}
|
||
proc nightout fart {stampsay -s condom $fart}
|
||
proc mccainburger {} {string map {STEVE\ JOBS JOHN\ MCCAIN AAPL ZOGBY ipod\ shuffle attack\ ad imac robocall} [steveburger]}
|
||
proc hischlemihl {} { [choose [s/winkie/schlemihl/gi [hiwinkie]] [. <schlemihl> [hex_word]] ]}
|
||
proc bonercrying {} {return $::bonercry_macro}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/Zaphod/ args {error "Were you dropped on your head as a kid or something?"}
|
||
proc ollipekka {} {diamond "ollipekka "}
|
||
proc mroach_word {} {pick 1 {lindex_random $::mroach_word} 1 {return "[name]'s [choose sister girlfriend aunt fiancee wife {attractive friend}]"}}
|
||
proc augh {{who {}}} {return "<[name $who]> [rands [+ 6[rand 5]]]"}
|
||
proc wolfie {} {act [maleyiff_word]}
|
||
proc whotest {} {}
|
||
proc gunrange-gen url {. (let ((im (image [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url 0 0 260 190])) (bg (image [img-gunrange 0])) ) (composite (composite bg im 260 170) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc fastfood {} {lindex_random $::fastfood_dict}
|
||
proc zybl0retime {} {string map {BONER zybl0re} [bonertime]}
|
||
proc hick {} {return "mixduptransistor"}
|
||
proc grbt {fg bg args} {join [map [split [strip_color [bgr 11 [join $args " "]]] "\n"] {line {. [regsub -all {\*} $line [color $fg $bg][uchar [next_in_list {20 20 2591 2592 2592}]][color]]}}] "\n"}
|
||
proc catbusdcc_crw {} {return "Will you accept \"!!!c@tbus[string tolower [element_word]]_[string map {" " "_"} [crw_word]]_vids--[kazaa]\" from user Catbus?"}
|
||
proc i.usealice.org url {. "http://i.usealice.org/[regsub {^http://i.usealice.org/} $url {}]"}
|
||
proc winnipeg {} {. WINNPEG IS A [string toupper {[faglame] [ethnic_group]}]}
|
||
proc v%utimer {seconds proc name largs lbody} {
|
||
proc ${name} ${largs} [concat [join ${lbody}] "utimer ${seconds} [list ${name} ${largs}]"]
|
||
utimer ${seconds} ${name}
|
||
}
|
||
proc 2dsize str {set l 0; foreach line [split [strip_color $str] \n] { if {[string length $line] > $l} {set l [string length $line]} }; return "x $l y [llength [split $str \n]]" }
|
||
proc tang {} {. [color yellow on orange][^B] [^_]Tang[^_] {}}
|
||
proc saymexico args {set wstring [join [times [expr [string length $args]+3] {}]]; return "[color green on green] [color white on white]$wstring[color red on red] \n[color green on green] [color yellow on white] [name $args] [color red on red] \n[color green on green] [color white on white]$wstring[color red on red] \n"}
|
||
proc primate {} {lindex_random $::primates}
|
||
proc pozix {{args {}}} {string map {poz posix POZ POSIX} [poz $args]}
|
||
proc pocketc0de {} {return "/kick pocketc0de"}
|
||
proc lgrep {regex list} {set ret "";foreach a $list {if {[regexp $regex $a]} {lappend ret $a}};return $ret}
|
||
proc funfont2 str {regsub -all {:} [regsub -all {([a-z]|[A-Z])} [rcolorize [fg $str Doh]] [rb_o]] [rb_i]}
|
||
proc condense_proc name { set p [safebody $name]; string map {\t {} ;; ;} [regsub -all \n [eachline [regsub -all { +} [regsub {^; +} [regsub -all {([^\{])\n} $p {\1; }] {}] { }] trim] {}] }
|
||
proc incog_word {} {lindex_random $::incog_word}
|
||
proc primary {} {. {* * * * * * * ARE YOU SICK OF POLITICS
|
||
* * * * * * * AS USUAL? HUNGERING FOR
|
||
* * * * * * * REAL CHANGE? THERE IS
|
||
* * * * * * * SOMETHING YOU CAN DO
|
||
* * * * * * * LEARN MORE TODAY AT
|
||
* * * * * * * HTTP://PEOPLESPRIMARY.COM
|
||
* * * * * * *
|
||
|
||
This message brought to you by the
|
||
|
||
Global Network of American Activists
|
||
|
||
and the People's Primary
|
||
}}
|
||
proc vxp:Winkie {} {. i [?? [list fucking bloody really definitely absolutely]] hate Winki[?? {{} k}]e}
|
||
proc arabnet2 shitdildo {. \x03[set c [rand 0 15]]\x1f/!\\\x0f \x02[set ::arabnet]\x02 $shitdildo \x03[set c]\x1f/!\\\x0f}
|
||
proc damnho {{user {}}} {return "[color red on black]$user, You'z a damn Ho."}
|
||
proc youtube_info id {loffset [regexp -all -inline {<title type='text'>(.+?)</title><content type='text'/*>(.*?)<.+?duration='(\d+)'} [wget http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/videos/$id]] 1 1}
|
||
proc magick-scale-gen {img percent} { . (let ((i [scheme_image_or_sexpr $img]) (w (width i)) (h (height i))) (resize i (/ (* w $percent) 100) (/ (* h $percent) 100))) }
|
||
proc risky {{who {}}} {ajoin " " [STricky] [ricky_text]}
|
||
proc mroachagenda {} {regsub -all {( WITH\s+)[^\n]+(\n|$)} [string map {{BUTT ORGY} {ADJUSTING CLOCKS TO 24-HOUR TIME} {SODOMY} {DRIVING 180 KM/H} {APPLE STORE} {VICTOR'S DAD'S COMPANY} {MORE COCK SUCKING} {EMERGENCY TRIP TO SINGAPORE!} {SUCK DICKS} {WATCH J-POP DVDS} GAY MROACH CHER ABBA} [gayagenda]] {\1KALLEBOO\2}}
|
||
proc cpick args {set args [join ${args}]; foreach n [seq 0 [expr [llength ${args}] - 1]] { set p [rand 100]; lset args [list ${n}] [list [lindex ${args} ${n}] [. "\002[format %02d ${p}]%\002 [percentage ${p}]"]] }; drawtable [lsort -decreasing -index 1 $args]}
|
||
proc winfobox args { set r [loffsetn [regexp -inline -all $::winfoboxregex [wget http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/[urlencode [join [totitle [args]] _]]]] 1 3 1]; map $r {x {regsub -all {\[(\d+|citation needed)]} [fixnstrip $x] {}}} }
|
||
proc schindler {} {smega {join [split [rain [mega jewfullname]] \n]}}
|
||
proc roulette {} {if [roulette_empty] roulette_reload roulette_squeeze}
|
||
proc STgaspump {} {join {{ .'[_]'. } {/ -==== \ } {| o o o |--._ } {`|^^^^^| `\ \)} { | G |__/ / } { | A (__.' } { | S | } { |__ __| } {|_______| }} \n}
|
||
proc {unknown:9:cmd/.+er\??$/} {matches cmd args} {error [knowher $cmd]}
|
||
proc totitle str {join [map [split $str " "] {x {string totitle $x}} ] " "}
|
||
proc ncock_test {{size 7}} {if {$size < 0 || $size > 7} {error "COCK SIZE OFF THE CHARTS"}; set s [string repeat " " [expr {$size+1}]]; set glans "$s _ \n$s/\\)"; set balls "( Y)\n \"\" "; set shaft {}; for {set i 0} {$i < $size} {incr i} {lappend shaft "[string repeat " " [expr {$size-$i}]]/ /"}; return $glans\n[join $shaft \n]\n$balls}
|
||
proc kscope img {. "[mirror_right [magick rotate [mirror_right [magick rotate [mirror_right [magick rotate [mirror_right $img] 45]] 45]] 45]]" }
|
||
proc greg {} {return "greg is gay"}
|
||
proc reddit_currency {} {?? $::reddit_currencies}
|
||
proc STabezexp {} {embed [embed [embed [STabezface] [twobyeightmouth] 8 7] [?? $::abezeyes] 6 5] [?? $::abeznoses] 9 6}
|
||
proc buttestrails {} {return " _\n ______ /~~~,\n ___/`_____\---------/____/ \"\"\"//[gay_word] ** [crw_word]** [gay_word]\n~(___#buttes_ <======: (___] ====[crw_word] ** [gay_word] ** [crw_word]\n `-----------~` ,,\\\\[gay_word] ** [crw_word]--.\n"}
|
||
proc roulette_kill {} {roulette_reload; honeypot; return [poppop [string toupper [nick]]]}
|
||
proc jugganame {{whodat {[nick]}}} {set whodat [subst [name $whodat]]; return "[color black on red]Welcome to the Dark Carnival, $whodat. Your ICP Name is Jugga[random_word]."}
|
||
proc jewproduct {} {lindex_random $::jewproduct_dict}
|
||
proc hehehe {} {. [string repeat "hehehe" [expr round(rand()*30)]]}
|
||
proc TWAT args {twat [string toupper [join $args]]}
|
||
proc test_shitty_name_graph_todo_later args {regexp -all -inline {\d+} [nsplit [cwget https://rhiever.github.io/name-age-calculator/names/M/M/Mark.txt]]}
|
||
proc rtfm {} {return "http://tinyurl.com/yk9m47t"}
|
||
proc operation {} {return "Operation [string totitle [random_word]]"}
|
||
proc dergroßetod args {hacker [musicalsay [rainbow "Komm gib deine Hand, Sensenmann, lass uns tanzen den Totentanz. Komm spiel deine Fiedel, Sensenmann, spiel uns das Lied vom großen Tod!"]]}
|
||
proc weeed {} {. [^B_][kushname][^O]\n[leafly]}
|
||
proc hodappdeal {} {. "<hodapp> oh man sam, I've got this great idea we'll go into business together selling [?? $::learning_book_title_prefix] [capitalize [sam_word]] [subst [?? $::learning_book_title_suffix]] at craft shows and throw in [+ 2 [rand 3]] free [shakti_word]-enhancing [grift_word] with any purchase of two or more copies."}
|
||
proc blackjack_instructions {} { return "Start a Game by Bidding. Each player has to bid - tcl bj_bid n\nThen DEAL - tcl bj_deal\nThen each player can hit or stand - tcl bj_hit, tcl bj_stand\nNow let the dealer play -tcl bj_done"; }
|
||
proc sexyladies {} { set lines [split [STwoman] \n]; set victims [expr {int(rand()*3+3)}]; set output ""; set M M; foreach line $lines { set i 0; while {$i < $victims} { append output $line; incr i; }; append output \n; }; set i 0; while {$i<$victims} {append M F;incr i}; append output "interested in \02$M\02?"; return $output; }
|
||
proc wagwan {} {foreach wagwan [info procs] {proc $wagwan {} {. wa gwan}}}
|
||
proc randhorse {} {}
|
||
proc grep {r s} {join [lgrep $r [split $s \n]] \n}
|
||
proc yhbt {{name {}}} {. [name $name] "has lost the argument\; \"yhbt,\" he quickly backtracks, wiping sweat from his brow. Phew, he thinks, that was close."}
|
||
proc moar args {more $args}
|
||
proc hymies {EnterTheGame dry_cleaning} {lappend garbage_can_with_a_bullet_hole $_finline_functions; lappend pumpkin_stem [rncockrow]; return [make.conf $cock_to_cock]}
|
||
proc butteschat {} {join [list { __ __} { /..\ /| |'-.} { .\_O/ || | | OH WOW} { _ / `._ \|_|_.-' BUTTES CHAT} { | / \__.`=._) (_} { |/ ._/ |"""""""""| LET ME IN} { |'. `\ | | ON THIS} { ;"""/ / | |} { ) /_/| |.-------.|} { ' `-`' " "}] \n}
|
||
proc oblique {{who {}}} {. "My old friends here know - I cannot stand [name $who]. I just loathe him. I cannot stand the way he talks or looks pompous. He makes me cringe everytime I look at him. To sum up - I hate him."}
|
||
proc flattenproc name { set i [lrange [inspect $name] 1 2]; . proc $i \{ [condense_proc $name] \} }
|
||
proc stevegrave {} {return \ \ \ \ _____\n\ \ /~/~\ \ \ ~\\\n\ |\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\n\ \\\ \\\ \ steve\ \\\n\ \ \\\ \\\ \ jobs\ \ \\\n\ --\\\ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ .\\''\n--==\\\ \\\ \ \ \ \ ,i!!i,\n\ \ \ \ ''\"'',,\}\{,,}
|
||
proc doublehate {a b} {return "[hate $a $b]\n[hate $b $a]"}
|
||
proc urbanquote args {. [join $args]: [strip_space [html [strip_html [last [regexp -inline {<div class=.example.>(.*?)</div>} [cwget http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=[join $args +]]]]]]]}
|
||
proc sjw2 {{name {}}} {. [name $name] "has lost the argument\; \"[?? $::sjw_arguments]\" he quickly backtracks, wiping sweat from his brow. Phew, he thinks, that was close."}
|
||
proc build_a_chair {} {return "<Winkie> i should try building a chair at some point\n<Winkie> i dunno where to source the [random_word] from"}
|
||
proc subtract {{who {}} {who2 {}} {who3 {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [random_word]}; if {$who2 eq ""} {set who2 [random_word]}; if {$who3 eq ""} {set who3 [random_word]}; return "$who - $who2 = $who3"}
|
||
proc strings {str {n 5}} {join [join [regexp -inline -all "\[a-zA-Z]\[\\w\\s'\\-:.]{[expr $n-2],}\[a-zA-Z]" $str]]}
|
||
proc mock {{who {}}} {let {name {. <$name> [last [log_text [log_grep_nick $name]]]}} [name $who]}
|
||
proc bitinghep args {. "<hep> $args is teething \n<hep> he keeps biting me \n<last night he kept biting my ear"}
|
||
proc threaten {} {choose "I'm gonna cut u up & leave u in buckets" "1 of these days im gonna cut u into little pieces" "If I ever meet you, I will KICK YOUR ASS!!" "im going to cut ur fucking throat open u slut" "Before you know it, I'm going to rape the everliving shit out of you"}
|
||
proc sex_fluid {} {lindex_random $::sex_fluid_dict}
|
||
proc STcthulhu args {apply color_cthulhu $args}
|
||
proc causeofdeath args {set n [list [lindex $args 1] [lindex $args 0] [lrange $args 2 end]];set l [string tolower [lindex [split [lindex $args 1] {}] 0]];set u [join [list http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/dead.nsf/ $l names-nf/ [join [mapx [compact $n] w {string totitle $w}] +]] {}];set h [wget $u];html [lindex [regexp -inline {Cause of Death:</B></TD><TD WIDTH="192">(.*?)</TD>} $h] 1]}
|
||
proc crwthread {} {set result "I will answer all your questions about [crw_word]. ( ";set num_pages [expr [rand 6]+3];if $num_pages>7 {append result "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... Last Page "} {for {set x 1} {$x<=$num_pages} {incr x} {append result "$x "}};append result ")";return $result;}
|
||
proc donttroll2 args {set wstring [string length $args]; if {$wstring <12} {return "[color black on yellow] HEY [string toupper $args],[join [times [expr 13-$wstring] {}]]\n[color black on yellow] \n[color black on yellow] DONT TROLL ON ME "}}
|
||
proc track_dennis args { return {{{SAM'S HOUSE} {1:34 AM} DELIVERED}}}
|
||
proc call_remote_command {url command arguments state} {
|
||
set params [list command $command]
|
||
foreach argument $arguments {lappend params arguments\[] $argument}
|
||
foreach {name value} [remote_command_state $state] {lappend params state\[$name] $value}
|
||
|
||
set response [apply {http post $url} $params]
|
||
switch [lindex $response 0] {
|
||
200 {lindex $response 2}
|
||
500 {error [lindex $response 2]}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc newsservice {} {return [lindex_random $::newsservice]}
|
||
proc go:topleft {} {uchar 250f}
|
||
proc swastika v {foreach {w h} [maxdims $v] {set n [rot:max 0 [- $w $h]]; set nl [string repeat \n $n]; set ns [string repeat " " $n]; return [ajoin "" [ajoin "" $ns [arotate270 $v]] $nl$v]\n[ajoin "" [arotate180 $v] [arotate90 $v]] }}
|
||
proc attn args {wavething [llappend [names] ": $args"]}
|
||
proc btbtc {} {bt [btc_now]}
|
||
proc blogit {} {bt blog it}
|
||
proc patch2 {} {return "you could try parsing the cat root slash dev etcetera file for eth0 and pugling the forward identity-locking rehooliginator and symlinking it to the libgc perl humongisooler module after a kernel decompile and basic repatch update."}
|
||
proc STzubkatz {} {join $::zubkatz_lines "\n"}
|
||
proc babelfrom args {set lang [lindex $args 0];babel ${lang}_en [lrange $args 1 end]}
|
||
proc bmi2 {w h} { expr 703 * $w / ($h*$h) }
|
||
proc ubuntu_verb2 {} {. [string map {us use gam gaming} [string map {ing ""} [ubuntu_verb]]] on}
|
||
proc terror-alert {} {regexp {alt="Terror Alert ([^"]+)"} [wget {http://www.terror-alert.com/alert/status.jsc?id=1}] {} t;return "Terror Alert Level: [string map [list Low [color green] Guarded [color blue] Elevated [color yellow] High [color orange] Severe [color red]] $t]$t"}
|
||
proc arab_search {} {set darrabs 0; set darrabens ""; foreach darren [string tolower [names]] { if [regexp {^a-?rab@|root@127\.0\.0\.1$} [hostmask $darren]] { append darrabens "$darren "; incr darrabs; }; }; return [c "$darrabs ARABS:" [join $darrabens ","]];}
|
||
proc noflames {} { join {{ _____} { .o8PP"""PYbo_} { o8P' ) `Yb.} { .8P ) ))( _ooL} {.8P ( )) ) ),dP'`8L} {dP )) ( ,o8P' Y8.} {8b ) ) ,o8P' (( )8[} {Y8 ( ,o8P'( )) ) d8} { 8b_o8P'--`-'--' ,8'} { `P` Flames o8'} { `Yb._ _.o8P} { `"PYbooo8PP' (CJ)}} \n}
|
||
proc tinf0il str {foreach {i j} {s {$$$} k {KKK}} {set str [regsub -nocase -all $i $str $j]}; return $str}
|
||
proc tcl_word {} {return "\[[lindex_random [lsubtract [info commands] [info procs]]]]"}
|
||
proc poppop {{who {}}} {return " __,_____ __ [color red].`, .\n / __.==--\" 8===/..\\[color red]===D[color] POP POP U DEAD, [string toupper [join [name $who]]]\n/#(-' \\_O/ [color red]`. \n`-'"}
|
||
proc juden {} {return "Wer vom Juden isst, stirbt daran."}
|
||
proc whyami str {. WHY AM I [string toupper $str]? people keep asking me - well, I was raped when I was 11}
|
||
proc vurl2id url { last [regexp -inline {vimeo.com/((?:\/|[a-zA-Z_0-9]|\-|\_)+?)(?:$| |\&|#)} $url] }
|
||
proc toarab a 1
|
||
proc frenchword {} {lindex_random $::frenchword_dict}
|
||
proc unsort lines {
|
||
set count [llength $lines]
|
||
for {} {$count>1} {incr count -1} {
|
||
set idx_1 [expr {$count-1}]
|
||
set idx_2 [expr {int($count * rand())}]
|
||
set temp [lindex $lines $idx_1]
|
||
lset lines $idx_1 [lindex $lines $idx_2]
|
||
lset lines $idx_2 $temp
|
||
}
|
||
return $lines
|
||
}
|
||
proc STabezhat {} {. " .======. \n / \'\\ \\ \n / /\\ \\ \n ______________ \n /`-\[ .] \[. ]\'\\ \n \\_ _\\ _/ \n \\ .__, / \n \\ `-\' / \n /`----\'\\ \n.-\"\"\"`------\'`\"\"-."}
|
||
proc str2dec {str {sep { }}} {trim $sep[join [map [explode $str] {x {. [hex2dec [str2hex $x ""]]}}] $sep]}
|
||
proc zybl0re {{who zybl0re}} {return "<$who> [choose "" "[name]: "][lindex_random $::zybl0re_dict]"}
|
||
proc slap {} {return " _.-._ \n | | | |_ \n | | | | | LUDACRIS FEELS LIKE SLAPPING AN N-WORD TODAY\n | | | | | \n _ | '-._ | \n \\`\\`-.'-._; \n \\ ' | JUST FYI, MIGHT WANT TO STAY CLEAR \n \\ .` / \njgs | |"}
|
||
proc saq_hobbies {} {. Hobbies: [saq_expert_topic], [saq_expert_topic], seducing cute [plural [cert]]... [oops]}
|
||
proc juggalie args {return "\< juggalie \> you don't understand the dark carnival $args"}
|
||
proc nagios {} { . *** BUTTES NAGIOS ALERT *** \nNotification type: [notification_type] \nHost: [name].buttes.org Service: [string toupper [random_word]] \nState: [service_state] \nAdditional info: [jerkcity]}
|
||
proc darren_date args {magick-concat_scheme [kiwigirl] [caption [img-darren 2] [join $args]]}
|
||
proc rainshsc {} {smega {strcat [gay] [shsc_thread]}}
|
||
proc chutwig {} {return "<@chutwig> It's [strip_u [fetish_porn]] o'clock and I'm buying!"}
|
||
proc rsub sub {wget http://www.reddit.com/r/$sub.json}
|
||
proc fatgoon_finale {} {lindex_random $::fatgoon_finale}
|
||
proc typeset args {{s/s(\w)/ſ\1/g} [ligaturize [join $args]]}
|
||
proc errorInfo {} {. $::errorInfo}
|
||
proc nethackrandom {} {lindex_random [lrange $::nethacksymbols 1 [llength $::nethacksymbols]]}
|
||
proc GaSSy args {return [gassy]}
|
||
proc v%dns {ip host s c p a} {
|
||
if {!$s} {
|
||
v%blog "DNS lookup failure for `${host}'" ${c};
|
||
} else { ${p} ${ip} ${c} ${a}; };
|
||
}
|
||
proc rainlump str {rainbow [lump "$str"]}
|
||
proc putserv {text {options {}}} {
|
||
# N.B. This silently breaks {PRIVMSG,NOTICE}ing multiple
|
||
# [channel] targets (who fucking cares.)
|
||
regexp -nocase {^(privmsg|notice) ([^ ]+) :?(.+)$} ${text} {} m c t;
|
||
catch "channel get ${c} {FiSHkey}" key;
|
||
|
||
if {[string length ${key}]} {
|
||
set text "${m} ${c} :+OK [encrypt ${key} ${t}]";
|
||
};
|
||
|
||
egg:putserv ${text};
|
||
}
|
||
proc 200mb {} {embed [fedoragoonsay promptly pissed my pants] "[color black on yellow] [color]\n [color black on yellow] ,`[color]" 12 10}
|
||
proc dpaste str {last [http post "http://dpaste.com/api/v2/" "content=[urlencode $str]"]}
|
||
proc ebuild_category {} {return [lindex_random $::ebuild_categories]}
|
||
proc housepart {} {lindex_random $::housepart_dict}
|
||
proc aimtooley {{n {}}} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n [lump $n]}
|
||
proc myspace_url args { set a [first_true $args [aimname]]; return "http://www.myspace.com/$a"}
|
||
proc munge str {set ret ""; foreach char [split $str {}] {if {[rand 25] == 0} {append ret [rot13 $char]} {append ret $char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc blog {} {. Blah, blah, blog. My blog, blah, blah, blah. Blog, blah, blog.}
|
||
proc bubble args {set str [strip_all [join $args]]; join [list [bubble_top $str] [bubble_letters $str] [bubble_bottom $str]] \n}
|
||
proc crw_litany {} { litany {[crw_word]} }
|
||
proc cblock {c x y} { string repeat "[^C]$c[string repeat { } $x]\n" $y}
|
||
proc duration s { if {$s == 0} {return "0 sec"} elseif {$s < 0} {. -[duration_ [expr -$s]]} {duration_ $s} }
|
||
proc slashpoll_choices html {every_n_from 2 1 [regexp -all -line -inline {^\s+VALUE=\"\d\">(.*)$} $html]}
|
||
proc sanitize str {regsub -all {\?} $str {}}
|
||
proc aimf_chucknorris args {aimify chucknorris $args}
|
||
proc applestore {{store {APPLE STORE}}} { string map [list {GAY BAR} [string toupper $store]] [gaybar]}
|
||
proc rude {} {return [choose {[ ]same [ ]true [x]rude} {[ ]same [x]true [ ]rude} {[x]same [ ]true [ ]rude}]}
|
||
proc manning faggot {return "[regsub -all {(\w)(\w+)} $faggot {man\1\2}]"}
|
||
proc cornbread {{who {}}} {. "<[name $who]> ill never forget in math class in high school back in the day, 2 black guys get in a fight and one stabs the other with a screw driver right in front of me when im like a freshman, then some black girls stands up and screams OH SHEET HE STABBED CORNBREAD"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^(\w+)->(\w+)$/} {matches cmd args} {apply [list translate [or [lindex $matches 1] ""] [or [lindex $matches 2] en]] $args}
|
||
proc ruby {} {. "Don't forget about how nice Ruby's syntax is. Developer happiness is extremely important in my opinion. When you have two languages that are neck in neck on almost every level, but one is optimized for developer happiness, I'm choosing that one."}
|
||
proc niggerdead args {if {$args eq ""} {set args [name]}; embed [embed [disneywall] [flip [poppop $args]] 1 1] $args 1 2}
|
||
proc n/m/i {} {return "El N/M/I Association de America presentó hoy una nueva especificación N/M/I-[expr [year]+1] que traerá la atención no en el siglo 21 por primera vez."}
|
||
proc metricstallion {} {return "A full grown stallion's cock, when fully erect, will measure some 61 to 91 centimeters long. It can be 7.5 to 15.25 centimeters thick at the base, to about 5 centimeters thick at the head."}
|
||
proc lastfm:isListening sphtml {if {[regexp {nowListening} $sphtml]} { return 1 } { return 0 }}
|
||
proc okeyphrase {} {return "[pick 1 nigger_ramblings 1 niggerphrase]"}
|
||
proc ShutUpCatbus {} {mega mega say "SHUT THE FUCK UP CATBUS SHUT THE FUCK UP CATBUS "}
|
||
proc zaphodpotter {} {return " /b_,dM\\__,_\n _/MMMMMMMMMMMm,\n _YMMMMMMMMMMMM(\n `MMMMMM/ / \\ ____, \n MMM| __ / __/ ( / \n YMM/_/# \\__/# \\ /__)aphod\n (. \\__/ \\__/ ` ___ \n ) _, | '_|_)\n _____/\\ _ / | otter\n \\ `._____,'"}
|
||
proc pyxamid {} {pyramid "pyx "}
|
||
proc canadaword {} {lindex_random $::canadaword_dict}
|
||
proc mystery {} {while [catch * r] {};set r}
|
||
proc morewine? {} {wineback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]] }
|
||
proc rndtcl_expression n {pick 5 rndtcl_variable 5 {return "\[[rndtcl_proc]\]"} 1 {rndtcl_if $n} 1 {rndtcl_expr $n} 1 rndtcl_string}
|
||
proc walloffrot {} {ajoin {} [frotamid] [frotamid] [frotamid] [frotamid] [frotamid] [frotamid]}
|
||
proc sc:gesturename g {string map [sc:gesturemap] $g}
|
||
proc mac_icon name {. http://nonexiste.net/i/file:///System/Library/CoreServices/CoreTypes.bundle/Contents/Resources/${name}.icns#.png}
|
||
proc eurolol {} { set gbpeur [cached_cur_base gbp eur]; set usdeur [cached_cur_base usd eur]; set cadeur [cached_cur_base cad eur]; . 1 gbp = $gbpeur eur, 1 usd = $usdeur eur, 1 cad = $cadeur eur\n1 eur = [format %0.4f [expr 1 / $gbpeur]] gbp, 1 eur = [format %0.4f [expr 1 / $usdeur]] usd, 1 eur = [format %0.4f [expr 1 / $cadeur]] cad}
|
||
proc +agenda {who args} { set w [string tolower $who]; if {[info exists ::agenda($w)] != 1} {set ::agenda($who) {}}; set ::agenda($who) [uniq [lappend ::agenda($who) [args]]] }
|
||
proc constipation {{name {}}} {return "I am [name $name], captain of the fair ship [constipation_word] and ruler of [laxative_word]"}
|
||
proc tags_for url {
|
||
set tags [list]
|
||
foreach tag [tags] {
|
||
if [tagged? $url $tag] {
|
||
lappend tags $tag
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return $tags
|
||
}
|
||
proc omgidetect {{who {}}} {aflip [ajoin "" [wrap [join [idetect [name $who]]] 50] "\n\\" [omgtotem]]}
|
||
proc rot:splitperchar v {
|
||
set C $::rotC; set B $::rotB; set V $::rotV;
|
||
set re "($C\\d{1,2},\\d{1,2}|$C\\d{1,2}|$B|$V|$C|\[^$C$B$V\])"
|
||
set matches [list]
|
||
foreach {full submatch} [regexp -all -nocase -inline $re $v] {
|
||
lappend matches $submatch
|
||
}
|
||
return $matches;
|
||
}
|
||
proc STi {} {return { ___
|
||
|_"_|
|
||
| |
|
||
U/| |\u
|
||
.-,_|___|_,-.
|
||
\_)-' '-(_/ }}
|
||
proc HunterX11 {} {. < HunterX11> i hooked up with a drunk girl in a club on vacation and ended up running away with her to luxembourg for two months before she dumped me because i doted on her too much you cant outgoon that}
|
||
proc encyclopedia {} {return "Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the [string totitle [adjective]] [string totitle [oneoff]]"}
|
||
proc more_ block {set key [sha1 $block]; if ![cache exists scrolliez $key] { cache put scrolliez $key [lines [uplevel #0 $block]];}; set v [cache get scrolliez $key]; set len [llength $v]; if {$len < 10} { cache delete scrolliez $key; return [join $v \n] } { cache put scrolliez $key [lrange $v 10 end]; return [join [lrange $v 0 9] \n]}}
|
||
proc manhattan_street {} {ordinalize [lindex_random [seq 12 165]]}
|
||
proc rudy {} {return "[bold]I WAS MAYOR OF [string toupper [city]] ON 9/11"}
|
||
proc interrokalle {} {return "<Kalle> What do I know about the [56k_word]? And what's the deal with [random_word]? Was I or was I not doing [strip_u [fetish_porn]] last night? Why do I hate [name]? Am I now, or have I ever been, a member of the [political_word] party? WHY DO I KEEP SAYING [string toupper [goon_word]]?"}
|
||
proc UNIX {} { return [ ajoin " " "[unix] [name]" [bigPIPE] [randomStamp] [bigPIPE] [randomStamp] [bigGT] [randomStamp] ]; }
|
||
proc STn {} {return { _ _
|
||
| \ |"|
|
||
<| \| |>
|
||
U| |\ |u
|
||
|_| \_|
|
||
|| \\,-.
|
||
(_") (_/ }}
|
||
proc mailto {{who {}} args} {return "Dear $who,\n$args\nxoxo,\n[nick]"}
|
||
proc STo {} {return { U ___ u
|
||
\/"_ \/
|
||
| | | |
|
||
.-,_| |_| |
|
||
\_)-\___/
|
||
\\
|
||
(__) }}
|
||
proc patriotic args {set ret ""; foreach char [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {if {$char eq " " || $char eq "\n"} {append ret $char} {if {$char eq ","} {set char ",,"}; append ret [patriot]$char}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc black_star_trek_character {} {?? $::black_star_trek_characters}
|
||
proc tawt args {lindex [twitter_submit [reverse [strip_color [join $args]]]] 2}
|
||
proc halloweenjack {} {goonsay "My only regret is that I cannot vote this thread a 6."}
|
||
proc time_a_block block {set t [clockus]; set res [eval $block]; . [- [clockus] $t] : $res }
|
||
proc swordfight {{nick1 {}} {nick2 {}}} {ajoin " " [STcock]\n[or $nick1 [name]] [flip [STcock]]\n[or $nick2 [name]]}
|
||
proc cherripanties args {. "[cherri in her [choosecolor] $args [random_word] panties]"}
|
||
proc STsnowman {} { return " ,--,/, \n J___L\\/, \n ('.')/\\/ \n ( . /) \n ( :/ ) ";}
|
||
proc blackjack_hit p { blackjack_add_card $p [blackjack_draw_card]; return [blackjack_print_player $p]; }
|
||
proc moirafit {} {moirasay [eval [string map {ww_item drink wearing drinking watchandweight #cockes} [info body hypnofit]]]}
|
||
proc arabnews {} {return "[arabnews1] \n[arabnews2] \n[arabnews3] \n[arabnews4] \n[arabnews5]"}
|
||
proc newscompany {} {return [lindex_random $::newscompany]}
|
||
proc smega {block {n 10}} {set ret [list]; foreach i [seq 1 $n] {if {[catch {uplevel 1 $block} val] == 1} {set val "error: $val"}; lappend ret $val}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc runes {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; string toupper "fuck $who; $who suk; $who are dying; $who are dead to me; $who hit wtc; $who -> ovens"}
|
||
proc capitalize str {subst [regsub -all {(^| +)(.)} [escape $str] {\1[string toupper "\2"]}]}
|
||
proc hostname {} {pick 1 {strip_u [fetish_porn]} 5 {food_word}}
|
||
proc grog {} {return "something stupid here"}
|
||
proc {STsnail
|
||
} {} {. " _____\n .' `.\n / .-=-. \\ \\ __\n | ( C\\ \\ \\_.'')\n _\\ `--' |,' _/\n/__`.____.'__.-'"}
|
||
proc tyrone {{answer {}}} {caption_raw [img-tyrone] "\\large\\textbf{\\textasteriskcentered bzzt\\textasteriskcentered} What is ``[latext_escape [or $answer [niggerphrase]]]?''"}
|
||
proc buttesmenusolo {} {box [box " ~~ Restaurant Lè Butte ~~ \nEntrees:\n [menu_food_item_]\n [menu_food_item_]\n [menu_food_item_]\n [menu_food_item_]\nBeverages:\n [menu_drink]\n [menu_drink]\n [menu_drink]"]}
|
||
proc fluoride {} {return " __ _\n .' Y '>, =()=\n/ _ _ /'\\_||_\n)(_) (_)( (___ `.\n{ 4A }\\./ `=='\n \\uuuuu/\\l |||\n | |)/ |||\n /nnmmn// |||\n \\_>-<_/ NWO"}
|
||
proc STkanyegoon {} { return " __________\n (--\[==\]-\[==\]\n (_______O__)"}
|
||
proc 1man1sink {} {return { ___
|
||
-_-.`.
|
||
'-' \ \__.__
|
||
/````-()- `
|
||
ONE / /` `````/ | ONE
|
||
MAN \'-. ......./ | SINK
|
||
\ ` /
|
||
`--.-------'
|
||
___) )
|
||
( ___'
|
||
\ \
|
||
|
||
}}
|
||
proc rumor {{who {}}} {return "[negromg] [gudrize "[name $who] enjoys [pick 1 {return "giving [acquaintance] [disease_word]"} 1 {return "[sex_act] [acquaintance]"}]"]"}
|
||
proc fatgoonmeal {} {return "Some [food_word], [fastfood] [food_word] with some [food_word], [fatcookingword] in the [cooking_appliance] for [expr {int(rand()*5)+2}] minutes and top off with some [food_word]. [fatgoon_finale]."}
|
||
proc rot:mktuples:test {} {
|
||
set o [rot:mktuples [list a b c d]];
|
||
set p [rot:mktuples [list ${::rotC} a b c d]];
|
||
set q [rot:mktuples [list ${::rotC}1,2 a b c d]];
|
||
set s [rot:mktuples [list ${::rotC}1,2 a ${::rotB} b c ${::rotB} d]];
|
||
set t [rot:mktuples [list ${::rotC}1,2 ${::rotV} a ${::rotB} b ${::rotV} c ${::rotB} d]];
|
||
set u [rot:mktuples [list ${::rotC}1,2 ${::rotV} a ${::rotC} ${::rotB} b ${::rotV} c ${::rotB} d]];
|
||
set oout "{a {} 0 0} {b {} 0 0} {c {} 0 0} {d {} 0 0}";
|
||
set qh "${::rotC}1,2";
|
||
set qout "{a $qh 0 0} {b $qh 0 0} {c $qh 0 0} {d $qh 0 0}";
|
||
set sout "{a $qh 0 0} {b $qh 1 0} {c $qh 1 0} {d $qh 0 0}";
|
||
set tout "{a $qh 0 1} {b $qh 1 1} {c $qh 1 0} {d $qh 0 0}";
|
||
set uout "{a $qh 0 1} {b {} 1 1} {c {} 1 0} {d {} 0 0}";
|
||
if {$o != $oout} { return "Test o == oout failed!"; };
|
||
if {$p != $oout} { return "Test p == oout failed!"; };
|
||
if {$q != $qout} { return "Test q == qout failed! {$q} {$qout}"; };
|
||
if {$s != $sout} { return "Test s == sout failed! {$s} {$sout}"; };
|
||
if {$t != $tout} { return "Test t == tout failed! {$t} {$tout}"; };
|
||
if {$u != $uout} { return "Test u == uout failed! {$u} {$uout}"; };
|
||
return "Success";
|
||
}
|
||
proc goonceleb {} {if {int(rand()*2) eq 0} {return "omg do u think [celebrity] is a goon?"} {return "omg do u think [political_figure] is a goon?"}}
|
||
proc anirecurse_eyes {img {mult 10} {rot 0} {n 7}} {apply animate [aniloop [fmap [seq 1 $n] x "~recurse_eyes $img 50 \[* $mult \$x\] $rot"]] }
|
||
proc badtrip {} {return "Last time I did bad [drug], I thought I was being chased by this [badjective], [adjective] [animal_word] named \"[deity] Of [country]\" holding his [penis_word] while screaming \"[string toupper [niggerphrase]]! [string toupper [repeated_word]]\" who then beat me up with a ball of pure, frozen [string tolower [element_word]]... turned out it was just my buddy [waspfirstname], who was just as [mood_word] as I was..."}
|
||
proc tbqh {} {. tbqh}
|
||
proc masters {} { set o {}; foreach {k} [array names ::mastermind_stats] { lappend o "$k has [master_rank $k] pts"; }; return [join $o ", "]; }
|
||
proc lmoob {} {string map {. •} [lmoot ⃚⃛⃝⃟⃠•̬̭̰̬⃖́⃗⃗⃗••⃒⃓̴̶̶⃒⃒⃓⃙̢̛̛̫̫̪̩̘̝̟̣̤̣̟̙̝̝̲̲̝̭̭̫̫̔̔̾⃐⃐︡⃖̚⃝⃟̸̸̢̢̢̢̢̢̥̻̻̥̦̦̟̲̙̫̖̖̜̰̗̭̭̖̖̩̩̮̬̘̰̱̟̟̤̟̰̭̗̪̪̭̯̟̠̠̣⃡⃡̑̎̉̂̀̆̃̃̃̿̾̾̽̐]}
|
||
proc fixtabs str {global tab;set ret [list];foreach l [split $str \n] {set c "";foreach {m t} [regexp -all -inline {([^\t]*(?:\t|$))} $l] {set l [regsub "\011" $l [string repeat " " [expr $tab-([string length $t]-1)%$tab]]]};lappend ret $l};join $ret \n}
|
||
proc shaniqua {} {giga spew}
|
||
proc lasturls who { join [mapx [lgrep "***:(?i)http://" [log_for $who]] x {. <[lindex $x 1]> [lindex $x 3] }] "\n"}
|
||
proc dang0 {} dang
|
||
proc throwshoe {{str {}}} {ajoin "" [zoom 4] [STshoe] " " $str}
|
||
proc livejournal {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "topic: [seinfeld_word]\nlast night my boyfriend tried to get me to do [strip_u [fetish_porn]] with him, [face] but I didn't want to because I was [mood_word] [face] and i was totally [mood_word] when he broke up with me for my friend $who [face]"}
|
||
proc block-grade percent {set s "????????"; set l [string length $s]; string index $s [expr int(($l) * ($percent / 100.1))] }
|
||
proc blogfooter args {. "Posted in $args\n\Read Comments \| Leave a Comment \| Share on [color blue]\[F\] [color cyan]\[t\]"}
|
||
proc dang1 {} dang
|
||
proc nowonder args {return "[sex_act] [faglame]s, [sex_act] [faglame]s, and [sex_act] [faglame]s: no wonder [name $args] has [rainbow [disease]]"}
|
||
proc dang2 args {. [color yellow on green][^B] [^_],.-^-\[[or [join $args] Dang]\]-^-.,[^_] {}}
|
||
proc whatapervert {} {string map {"{" "" "}" ""} [whatajunkie [sex_act] [abadgirl_word]'s [bodypart] with my [sexpart]]}
|
||
proc dang3 args {. [color yellow on green][^B] "¨¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨\n[color yellow on green][^B]¨°º¤ø„¸[or [join $args] Dang] [or [join $args] Dang]„ø¤º°¨ \n[color yellow on green][^B]¸„ø¤º°¨ [or [join $args] Dang]!!!``°º¤ø„¸ \n[color yellow on green][^B]ø¤º°¨ ¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø " {}}
|
||
proc wkeycaps args {join [each [split [join $args]] {word {join [lkeycaps $word] {}}}]}
|
||
proc urldecode url {subst [regsub -all {(%[A-Fa-f0-9]{2})+} [escape $url] {[urldecode_sequence \0]}]}
|
||
proc hepchart {{name hep}} {join [map [zip [list { .-- } { |.------------- } { ||.-- } { |||.--------------- } { ||||.-- } { |||||.----------------- } " $name -- " { |||||`----------------- } { ||||`-- } { |||`------------ } { ||`-- } { |`------------- } { `-- }] [getnuniq 13 name]] {{a b} {. $a $b}}] \n}
|
||
proc v%rand {ceil {floor 1}} { expr int((rand() * (${ceil} - ${floor})) + ${floor}) }
|
||
proc mixduptransistor {} {return [rainboner [rand 50] mixduptransistor]}
|
||
proc blue args {return "[regsub \n [strip_color [join $args]] \n]"}
|
||
proc weev2 {} {. [bt "i hack, i ruin,"]\n \n[bt "i make piles of money"]}
|
||
proc shutup {} {eval [string repeat "giga " 200]}
|
||
proc rpick {mylist {num 1}} {set out [list]; map [seq 1 $num] {x {lappend out [lindex $mylist [rand [llength $mylist]]]}}; join $out " "}
|
||
proc nip_talk {{oi 3} {ii 30}} {set str ""; for {set i 1} {$i <= $oi} {incr i} {append str "[nip [lindex_random [seq 1 $ii]]][choose {} {m} {} {K} {L}]"}; return "$str[lindex_random $::jap_emotes]"}
|
||
proc mockobama {} {magick annotate [gis obama] 18 230 60 white [wrap [bixnood] 20]}
|
||
proc urlify {path {domain failure.on.nimp.org}} { if [regexp -nocase {^https?://} $path] then {return $path} elseif [regexp -nocase {^/} $path] then {regsub -nocase {([^/])/[^/].*} $domain {\1} domain; urlify "$domain$path"} else {urlify "http://$path"} }
|
||
proc twitterize args {string range [string map {"\n" " "} [join $args]] 0 140}
|
||
proc askee2 {} {more_php {. $::askee2}}
|
||
proc cdown args {cdown_to [or [join $args] [?? [cdown_events]]]}
|
||
proc strip_s str {return [regsub -all s$ $str {}]}
|
||
proc md5:byte0 i {expr {0xff & $i}}
|
||
proc sierpenski {} {. ▲\n ▲ ▲\n ▲ ▲\n ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲\n ▲ ▲\n ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲\n ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲\n▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲ ▲}
|
||
proc md5:byte1 i {expr {(0xff00 & $i) >> 8}}
|
||
proc aim_bigtext {who msg} {join [map1 [split [strip_all [biggaybowtext $msg]] \n] {format ".a\im [string tolower [regsub -all " " $who ""]] <font face=\"Courier New\">%s</font>"}] \n}
|
||
proc cdma {} { subst [lindex_random $::cdma] }
|
||
proc yiff {{who {}}} {me "[furry_verb] [name $who]'s [furry_noun]"}
|
||
proc web2.0 {} {stock2 fb}
|
||
proc strip_u str {return [regsub -all _ $str { }]}
|
||
proc md5:byte2 i {expr {(0xff0000 & $i) >> 16}}
|
||
proc buttesnet {} {. [b]buttes.org Server Status:\nWAIT NO MY MISTAKE dead}
|
||
proc π {} {. π = 3.2}
|
||
proc russia args { . "\\oo/\\oo/\\oo/\n\\oo/\\oo/\\oo/\n\\oo/\\oo/\\oo/" }
|
||
proc md5:byte3 i {expr {((0xff000000 & $i) >> 24) & 0xff}}
|
||
proc hird {} {return "[hurd] of Interface Representing Depth"}
|
||
proc exclamid {} {return [pyramid !]}
|
||
proc strip_w str {return [regsub -all { } $str _]}
|
||
proc eggref egg {. http://wiki.call-cc.org/egg/$egg }
|
||
proc rand_wordin2 {} {string map $::rand_wordin_map [bgt [random_word]in']}
|
||
proc location url {array set headers [lindex [http head $url] 1]; if [info exists headers(Location)] {return $headers(Location)} else {return $url}}
|
||
proc kim_il_sung {} {pink [chinksay [lindex_random $::kim_il_sung_quotes]]}
|
||
proc fathead_chins {{n 0}} {if {$n < 0} {set n 0}; if {$n > 7} {set n 7}; if {$n == 0} {return [fathead [rand 20]]}; set lines [lines [fathead [rand 20]]]; set chin [lindex $lines 2]; lremove lines 2; lappend lines [regsub -all _ $chin " "]; while {[incr n -1]} {lappend lines [regsub -all {[_O]} $chin " "]}; lappend lines [regsub -all O $chin _]; join $lines \n}
|
||
proc lmoos {} {string map {. ◊̴̶̷̧̢̡̛̦̥̤̣̠̟̞̝̜̙̘̗̖̪̫̭̯̱̳̹̺̻̀́̂̃̄̅̆̇̈̉̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̾̽̚̕} [lmoot ⃚⃛⃝⃟⃠⃒⃓̴̶̶⃒⃒⃓⃙̢̛̛̬̭̰̬̫̫̪̩̘̝̟̣̤̣̟̙̝̝̲̲̝̭̭̫̫⃖́⃗⃗⃗̔̔̾⃐⃐︡⃖̚⃝⃟̸̸̢̢̢̢̢̢̥̻̻̥̦̦̟̲̙̫̖̖̜̰̗̭̭̖̖̩̩̮̬̘̰̱̟̟̤̟̰̭̗̪̪̭̯̟̠̠̣⃡⃡̑̎̉̂̀̆̃̃̃̿̾̾̽̐]}
|
||
proc jewfullname {} {return "[jewname] [lindex_random [cseq A Z]]. [jewsurname]"}
|
||
proc powell {{who {}} {what {}} {right {}}} {. \"In [choose [channel] "this country"] in 15 or 20 years time [or $who "the [capitalize [marginalize]] man"] will have the [weapon] hand over [or $what "the [capitalize [unplural [ethnic_group]]] man"].\" - [or $right [name]], in his famous \"Rivers of [capitalize [sex_fluid]]\" speech. HE WAS RIGHT!}
|
||
proc lmoot args {subst -nobackslashes [string map {{BUTTES CHAT} {[string toupper [join $args]]}} [join $::lmoot_ascii \n]]}
|
||
proc get-last-twats2 {user {n 10}} {odds [html [{/<text>(.*?)<\/text>/gl} [https://api.twitter.com/1.1/statuses/user_timeline.json?screen_name=$user&count=$n&trim_user=1&include_rts=1]]]}
|
||
proc et_fullwidth {} {}
|
||
proc nwo_sign {} {. [nwo_top][nwo_bottom]}
|
||
proc heydupe nick {heynot [$nick-twat]}
|
||
proc goonname {} {return "[adjective] [colour][choose goon pirate bot monkey tax geno] [choose "" "" "" "v2.0"]"}
|
||
proc goonapproved {} {regsub -all {\\ ?[\\|]_+[\\|]} [embed [embed [join [padlinesto 50 [split "\n\n\n\n\n\n[gold [5stamprow]]\n" \n]] \n] [goonstamp] 11 1] [STgoon] 17 1] {\0}}
|
||
proc rval {name str args} {set json [lindex $str $args]; set index [lsearch -exact $json $name]; lindex $json [+ 1 $index]}
|
||
proc tattle {} {return "hey, [rand_aim] on AIM is talking shit about you again... he just said you have \"a [size_word] [body_part],\" called you \"a fat [animal_word]-[word {^[a-z].*?(?:er)$}],\" and your family is \"no better than a group of [word {^[A-Z].*?(?:ic|ian|ite|ican|ede|ese)$}] [ethnic_group]\". He also called your posts \"as welcoming as [disease_word].\" Just FYI."}
|
||
proc hod_word {} {pick 3 {?? $::hod_dict} 1 grift_word}
|
||
proc stolen_thought args {magick annotate http://i.buttes.org/http://intercour.se/random/1236552108794.jpg 12 45 45 Red [wrap [join $args " "] 25 ] }
|
||
proc mood {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> ~CuRrEnT MoOd~ : [mood_word]"}
|
||
proc gisroulette {} { tinyurl [gis [choose puppies kittens puppies kittens puppies r@ygold]] }
|
||
proc mre_flags flags {set flags [join [uniq [split $flags {}]] {}]; if [regexp {^[iglmx]*(?:-[s]*)?$} $flags] {split [string trim [string map $::re_flags $flags]]} {error "tcl regexp modifiers are limited to iglmx-s (supplied: $flags)"}}
|
||
proc LAFFO {} {return "[biggaybowtext LAFFO"]"}
|
||
proc namedfartcloud {} { embed [STfartcloud] FART 6 4 }
|
||
proc endgame args {return "For the New World Order, a world government is just the beginning. Once in place they can engage their plan to exterminate 80% of the world's population, while enabling the \"elites\" to live forever with the aid of advanced technology.\nFind out more at http://www.whatistheendgame.net"}
|
||
proc web2_job {} {?? $::web2_jobs}
|
||
proc ubuntuuser {} {return [zulu [debianuser]]}
|
||
proc rtwit {} {rtweet [who]}
|
||
proc manhattan_cross_street {} {return "[manhattan_street] & [manhattan_avenue]"}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/zewb/ {} {error "Brian Zuber";}
|
||
proc Raz {} {return "you mean azz"}
|
||
proc blakememorial {} {. "http://img33.glitterfy.com/269/glitterfy112557T651D37.gif\nhttp://i.conio.net/blake.jpg\nhttp://img33.glitterfy.com/269/glitterfy112813T701D34.gif"}
|
||
proc blogheader args {. "Home \| About \| Contact Us \| RSS"}
|
||
proc fuckit args {. fuck [?? $::fuck_dict]}
|
||
proc bible {{what {The Bible}}} {string map [list {The Bible} $what] [@bible]}
|
||
proc gamerphrase {} {lindex_random $::gamerwords}
|
||
proc coffee? {} morecoffee?
|
||
proc faucet {} {return [http://pastebin.com/pastebin.php?dl=fbe7e034]}
|
||
proc niggersentence {} {subst [lindex_random $::niggersentence]}
|
||
proc neonfreon args {. "\< neonfreon \> I $args around my wife sometimes\n\< neonfreon \> I don't think she's cheating or anything, just fun to see reaction"}
|
||
proc skittles {} {ajoin "" \n\n\n[ncock 3] [rainbow [flip [stream 10 3]]] [rainbow "[stream 10 10] taste the rainbow"]}
|
||
proc gentoouser {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> Ever since I started compiling with [cflag] [cflag] [cflag] I've seen a noticable increase in the [shakti_word], [shakti_word], and [shakti_word] of my applications."}
|
||
proc buttcoins {} {asssay [string map {BIT BUTT COLLAPS PROLAPS RALLY SPREAD} [btc]]}
|
||
proc slutcoins {} { womansay [string map {BIT SLUT COLLAPS CHICKENHEAD RALLY LEGSPREAD} [btc]]}
|
||
proc bbc_news_raw args {rss_parse_feed [wget http://feeds.bbci.co.uk/news/rss.xml?edition=uk]}
|
||
proc chicago_politics {{name {}}} {string map {"POP POP U DEAD," "CHICAGO POLITICS"} [poppop [name $name]]}
|
||
proc cpanlog {} {. "[subst [join [string repeat {[cpanmsg] } 9] \n]]\nmake had returned bad status, install seems impossible"}
|
||
proc thinkdifferent {{image {}}} { magick-scale-composite-bottom-right $image [img-think-different] 0.4 }
|
||
proc strcrop {what y1 y2} {set x [split $what \n]; join [lrange $x $y1 $y2] \n;}
|
||
proc randname {{who {}}} {join [map [split [name $who] {}] {c {. [regsub {^(.)} [capitalize [lindex_random $::randacro([string tolower $c])]] "\002\\1\002"]}}] " "}
|
||
proc gradient_probabilities n {list [expr {21-$n}] [expr {$n-1}]}
|
||
proc next {i {amt 1}} {
|
||
switch -regexp -- $i {
|
||
{^-?\d+$} { return [expr $i+$amt]}
|
||
{^[[:alpha:]]$} {scan $i %c j; return [format %c [expr $j+$amt]]}
|
||
default {error "can't increment type"}}
|
||
}
|
||
proc fridgepost y {http post http://macbook.babney.operaunite.com/fridge/ post $y author [jewname] email [jewname] submit send cancel cancel token [let {{x} {regexp {value="([^"]*)"} [car [lines [grep {name="token"} [http://macbook.babney.operaunite.com/fridge/]]]] x x; return $x}} 1 ]}
|
||
proc aimf_koran args {aimify koran $args}
|
||
proc rot:not c { if {$c} { return 0; } { return 1; }}
|
||
proc hoser {{nick {}}} {. [or $nick [name]]: [subst [?? $::hoser]], eh? }
|
||
proc awet args {apply {ajoin " "} [map [split [join $args] {}] {char {apply [next_in_list {wet {fw wet}}] $char}}]}
|
||
proc ocdrink {} {return "oclet loves threesomes with [tranny_word] after drinking a lot of [drink]"}
|
||
proc image-cumshot url {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $url [img-splurt] 1.0}
|
||
proc tclq {} lq
|
||
proc reset_shaniqua {} {.\1DCC\1}
|
||
proc cached_hillary {} {if [catch hillary result] {set result [lindex_random $::cached_hillary]}; cache_list cached_hillary $result}
|
||
proc gaydildo cocks {privmsg hex cocks}
|
||
proc dberize {} {return [[lindex_random {weaselize underscoreize niggerize canadianize chinkerize homoize haikuize colorize hyphenize phpize randcap}] [trolldb]]}
|
||
proc urban_old args {urbandictionary $args}
|
||
proc proclog proc {. http://shaniqua.buttes.org/shaniqua/log/procs/[sha1 $proc]}
|
||
proc Winkiefy {{n 1}} {regsub -all {\w+} [[string repeat ^ ${n}]] Winkie}
|
||
proc pwget {expr url} {lweed [regexp -inline -all $expr [wget $url]] 1}
|
||
proc pumpkinencounter {} {return "[upper [bold]A [color blue]Big Brother Pumpkin[color] sneaks up from behind![bold]]\n[color orange][STpumpkin][color]\n [color yellow][lindex_random [seq 150 200]]HP[color]"}
|
||
proc bongcity {} {upper [?? [lgrep bong [lines [~http://cesspool.net/jerkcity/jerkcity.txt]]]]}
|
||
proc dole_init {} {set ::doletimer([nick]) [clock seconds];dole_reset_signons;}
|
||
proc real_paste {cmd args} {if {[catch [concat $cmd $args] val] == 1} {error $val} {lindex [regexp -inline {<a href="(.*?)">} [http post http://ossfans.org/paste paste $val function new .submit {Create paste}]] 1}}
|
||
proc megaconf {} {return "[autoconf]\n[autoconf]\n[autoconf]\n[autoconf]\n[autoconf]"}
|
||
proc alert1 {} {return "/!\\/!\\ octalc0de computer adventures /!\\/!\\"; proc alert {} {alert2}}
|
||
proc bt911 args {ajoin [uchar 2708 20] "" [bt [join $args]]}
|
||
proc rune {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; string toupper "fuck $who; $who sux; $who is dying; $who is dead to me; $who hit wtc; $who → ovens"}
|
||
proc random_songs {who {n 5}} {join [lrange [ltrim [shuffle [n [%% $who]]]] 1 $n] \n}
|
||
proc alert2 {} {return "/!\\/!\\ octalc0de computer adventures /!\\/!\\"; proc alert {} {alert1}}
|
||
proc bonaphone args {urlsay http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:yTVgMG7irxlp_M:http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/the_boner_phone.jpg [join $args]}
|
||
proc donttroll {{who {}}} {string map [list "XXXXXXXXXXXXXX" [string toupper [join [name $who] [repeat [expr 14-[string length $who]] "S"]]]] [dontroll]}
|
||
proc until' {pattern procname args} {if {[first $args] eq {}} {set l [$procname]} {set l [eval "$procname [join $args]"]}; if [regexp -nocase $pattern $l] { return $l } else { return [until' $pattern $procname [join $args]] }}
|
||
proc more block {set key [sha1 $block]; if ![cache exists scrolliez $key] { cache put scrolliez $key [lines [uplevel #0 $block]];}; set v [cache get scrolliez $key]; set len [llength $v]; if {$len < 20} { cache delete scrolliez $key; return [join $v \n] } { cache put scrolliez $key [lrange $v 20 end]; return [join [lrange $v 0 19] \n]}}
|
||
proc megahateporn {{who {}}} {return [hateporn $who]\n[hateporn $who]\n[hateporn $who]\n[hateporn $who]\n[hateporn $who]}
|
||
proc alert3 str {return "/!\\ALERT/!\\ $str /!\\ALERT/!\\"}
|
||
proc rump {{who {}}} {chinee [lump $who]}
|
||
proc funneh {} {choose [cached_onehug] [albot] [niggerphrase] [goonphrase] [foodsult]}
|
||
proc burgersay {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart "J BAKE, NO TOMATE. NUGS. FROSTYS."}; stampsay -s burger $fart}
|
||
proc radeonforpresident {} {stampsay -s kkk "Send those [niggerword]s back to [niggerplace]. That's where I stand on that issue."}
|
||
proc malcolmbox {} {}
|
||
proc jewing2 {} {join [ups] [downs]}
|
||
proc setval {list name args} { if { [set i [lsearch $list $name]] > -1 } { lreplace $list [+ 1 $i] [+ 1 $i] [args] } { lappend list $name [args] } }
|
||
proc islam_2 {{name {}}} {return "[upper [kill_verb] those who [insult_verb] [name $name]]"}
|
||
proc notification_type {} {choose PROBLEM RECOVERY FLAPPINGSTOP FROTTINGSTART FROTTINGSTOP WILLMERGENCY}
|
||
proc mikes? {} { c [mike_count] mikes }
|
||
proc islam_3 {} {return "FREEDOM [upper [lindex_random $::freedoms]] GO TO HELL! [pick 2 {. [arabic]} 3 {. [islam]}]"}
|
||
proc bumbaclot {} {. bumbaclottttt}
|
||
proc bobbyfischer {} {return "[bobbyfisher]"}
|
||
proc macroname {name args} {set body @$name\n[cwget http://buttes.org/macros/$name]; set rest [repeat [llength [regexp -all -inline {%-?\d*s} $body]] name]; apply {format $body} [concat $args $rest]}
|
||
proc loffset {mylist start hop} {set out [list]; for {set i $start} {$i < [llength $mylist]} {incr i $hop} {lappend out [lindex $mylist $i]}; return $out }
|
||
proc choice args {apply choose $args}
|
||
proc detect_windows {} {. [version] "\nWindows users detected...\nWindows 7: [listnames]\nWindows Vista: [listnames]\nWindows XP: [listnames]\nWindows 95/98: none"}
|
||
proc plural_test {{word {}}} {regsub {ys$} [regsub {ixs$} [regsub {ss$} [strcat $word s] {s}] {ices}] {ies}}
|
||
proc find_in_procs2 str {set ret [list];foreach proc [info procs] {if {[regexp $str [info body $proc]]} {lappend ret $proc}};return $ret}
|
||
proc web2down {} {return "Why is [web2_name] down? Is it because [fail_reason]?"}
|
||
proc pubosama {} pubterror
|
||
proc gaystripe {} {return "[gay],[gay]**\n[gay],[gay]**\n[gay],[gay]**\n[gay],[gay]**\n[gay],[gay]**"}
|
||
proc alert {who what} {string map [list octalc0de $who computer $what] [alert_base]}
|
||
proc λ {argz bdy} { set l {}; proc $l $argz $bdy; . $l }
|
||
proc ngis {index args} {set results [gis_results [join $args]]; if {$index eq "rand"} {force_image [?? $results]} {force_image [lindex $results $index]}}
|
||
proc loffsetn {mylist start hop num} { set out [list]; for {set i $start} {$i < [llength $mylist]} {incr i $hop} {lappend out [lrange $mylist $i [+ $i $num]]}; return $out }
|
||
proc img-timeline {{v {The Stone
|
||
Age}}} { embed [timeline:img] [hardwrap $v 32] 37 2 }
|
||
proc cdraw bitmap {join [map $bitmap {line {. [join [map $line {color {if {$color eq "" || $color < 0} {. "[color] "} {. [color $color on $color]*}}}] {}][color]}}] \n}
|
||
proc lastlog_text {{n 10}} {map [lastlog $n] [& cadddr]}
|
||
proc sidewaysmega {cmd args} {ajoin " " [smega "$cmd $args" 5] [smega "$cmd $args" 5] [smega "$cmd $args" 5]}
|
||
proc lastfm:trackid html {regexp -inline {/music/[^"\/]+/_/[^"]+} $html}
|
||
proc ultra767 {} {draw {0000001110000000000000000000000000 0000000111100000000000000000000000 0000000011111000000000000000000000 0000000001111100000000000000000000 0000000000111111000000000000000000 1110000000011111111100000000000000 0111100000001111111100000000000000 0011110000000111111000000000000000 0111111111111111111111111111111000 1111111111111111111111111111111110 0111111111111111111111111111111000 0011110000000111111000000000000000 0111100000001111111100000000000000 1110000000011111111100000000000000 0000000000111111000000000000000000 0000000001111100000000000000000000 0000000011111000000000000000000000 0000000111100000000000000000000000 0000001110000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000}
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
proc saqsay2 {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [saq_beer_review]}; set lomarf "$fart "; append lomarf "did i say that out loud? \:-p"; stampsay -stamp saq [join $lomarf] }
|
||
proc rotflmao {{who {}}} {subst $::rotflmao}
|
||
proc btc_status args {. BITCOIN PROFITABILITY: COLLAPSING!}
|
||
proc butteshack:getsyms {{limit 5}} {set ret [getnuniq [expr $limit - 1] butteshack:randsym]; linsert $ret 0 "@"}
|
||
proc image-rand args {image-* $args}
|
||
proc STmlad {} {return { _,....--......__
|
||
,-'8888888888M8MM'._
|
||
/d888888888888888HHMM`.
|
||
/t888888____888888Y__HMN|
|
||
H|d8888P/ '`'`--''z'HMD|.
|
||
'H8888P| jX8bO
|
||
mq8888.| .88#.
|
||
:c8M88W ____ __ W8#!
|
||
:eY88P ` ..'_ :''''U8zJ
|
||
::9`8 ''U'' \\ <U./`8i_
|
||
: 88 : d8
|
||
: .8 / H 88
|
||
::88 .|..` 88
|
||
:088` ..###:|+,\\Hv _888
|
||
+.88._.j888U --- `-bd8888
|
||
kX8888b88 /+\\ |88888
|
||
.X88888b.._,Q8'.o;'88888
|
||
HMY888888b8888888888888P
|
||
HNgY88#8MMM88888888888P
|
||
&HHMY888888888888888P
|
||
&&W9Y888888P^^: }}
|
||
proc perlblock {} {let {t {. $t \{ \$_ [perlop_$t] \$[underscoreword] \} }} [choose grep map sort]}
|
||
proc furry_verb {} {lindex_random $::furry_verb_dict}
|
||
proc _fmlbuddies {} {eval [string map {onehug fml} [info body buddies]]}
|
||
proc negromg {} {return [rainbow [omg]]}
|
||
proc list_keys l {set keys [list]; foreach {key val} $l { lappend keys $key; }; return $keys }
|
||
proc phubuhzooka {} {return "\ __________________________ ______________
|
||
-|_________________________________| = = - -|==== _______ >
|
||
/ / _ | / /
|
||
|
||
/ /_//_/ [phubuh]"}
|
||
proc okeyline {} {return " _____\n /(.) \\ \n( ,|,(.) \n \\_[color red]<->[color]_/ °_o ·_."}
|
||
proc zack {} {return "It is very scary. The [string tolower [rap_word]] that the [capitalize [political_word]] movement has over the goverment, and their [shakti_word] to blatantly lie and conceal the [goon_word] for their gain, regardless of [acquaintance_word] is [fear_word]."}
|
||
proc horse {} {return "!horse"}
|
||
proc STsnake {} { return " __ \n <_~\\ __ \n_/ \\ \\_/ \\/|\n ' \\___/\\_/ ";}
|
||
proc tcot args {set term [strip_all [join $args]]; twatsearch [concat $term "#tcot"]}
|
||
proc goonoi {{n 5}} {let {n {join [ map [zip [map [seq $n 1] {{x} {string repeat " " $x}}] [concat [list __________ {(--[ .]-[ .]} {( O )}] [map [seq 1 [- $n 3]] {{x} {return "([string repeat "_" [+ 12 [* 2 $x]]])"}}]]] {{x y} {return $x$y}} ] \n}} [constrain 4 20 $n] }
|
||
proc getval {list val} { set a [lsearch [flatten $list] $val]; if {$a > -1} { lindex [flatten $list] [+ $a 1] } }
|
||
proc col_char {} { return }
|
||
proc puntmefm {} {embed [head 21 [@spic]] [color white on black][center [regsub {^puntme } [strip_all [lastfm:single puntme]] {}] 50] 5 8}
|
||
proc STsheep {} {return "##################\n##################\n##############o###\n################-----\n##################\n##################\n##################\n";}
|
||
proc endofworld args {. [duration [expr [clock scan "2017-01-20 12:00:00 EST "] - [clock seconds]]] until Trump singularity [dergroßetod]}
|
||
proc md5:bytes i {format %0.2x%0.2x%0.2x%0.2x [byte0 $i] [byte1 $i] [byte2 $i] [byte3 $i]}
|
||
proc conspiracy_group {} {lindex_random $::conspiracy_groups}
|
||
proc elemental {} {return "[choose [matter] [sex_fluid]] elemental"}
|
||
proc urxbox nick {gamercardfor $::xboxnames($nick)}
|
||
proc garfieldpluswtc {year month day} {magick composite "http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ga/${year}/ga[string range $year 2 3]${month}${day}.gif" [magick_id [magick resize [img-wtc] 197 168]] 399 3}
|
||
proc negronics1 {} {return "Negronics is the low-temperature preservation of humans of African descent with the hope that de-negrofication may be possible in the future. Human negropreservation is not currently reversible. In the United States, negronics can only be legally performed on negroes that scratch their mark onto a detailed contract."}
|
||
proc img2hb {url {width 80}} { ansiopt [halfblock [jpg cum $url $width]] }
|
||
proc gud1 {} {return [bold][color [choosecolor]][haioh]}
|
||
proc famous_gbs_names {} {lindex_random $::famous_gbs_dict}
|
||
proc negronics2 {} {return "The rationale for negronics is that blackness may be reversible in the future if performed soon enough, and that negropreserved people are not dead by the modern information-theoretic definition of death."}
|
||
proc gud2 {} {ajoin "[color]o/*\\o" [gud1] [flip [gud1]]}
|
||
proc 8))) {} {mega rain "8))"}
|
||
proc randmnd {} randbuttemnd
|
||
proc frenchgirl {} {gis [lindex_random {{melissa theuriau} {audrey tautou} {alizee} {young brigitte bardot} {jane birkin} {Laetitia Casta} {Émile Dequenne} {Fanny Valette} {chloe des lysses} {Isabelle Adjani} {Mylene Jampanoi} {Lysiane Meis} }]}
|
||
proc advice {} {return "If you're a girl playing a pick up [game] game at a party, Do Not Be Skins! This may entice someone not ordinarily accustomed to a woman's half nakedness to start [sex_act] you on the spot."}
|
||
proc fuckyourshittyriggedagendasyouvulgargypsyfuck {{cat {}} {n 5}} { set cat [buttes_cat_or_other $cat]; set starttime [+ [rand 6] 9]; return "INCOG AGENDA:\n[join [mapx [szip [seq $starttime [+ [- $n 1] $starttime]] [getnuniq $n incogagenda:event]] x {ajoin " " " " [gayagenda:time [car $x]] ":" [wrap [upper [cadr $x]] 60]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc bigGT {} { return "\\\n \\\n >\n /\n/"; }
|
||
proc edwardsfeld {} {. "<[name]> and what's the deal with [choose mills {two americas}]?"}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^c[ad]+r$/} {matches cmd list} {cxr $cmd $list}
|
||
proc sapasswd {} {set strlen 0; while {$strlen < 12} {set str [hacker [string map {{ } {}} "[lindex_random [seq 1 9]][crw_word][faglame][lindex_random {"." "#" "!" "?"}]"]]; set strlen [string length $str]}; return $str}
|
||
proc coinreturn:price {coin currency data} {if {$data == "null"} {text:red "no data available"} else {set diff [expr [round [_dict_get $data price]]-[round [_dict_get $data price_before_24h]]]; . [^B][^U][upper $coin] >[^U][^B] Price: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data price]][^C] [upper $currency] | Yesterday's Price: [^C]10[round [_dict_get $data price_before_24h]][^C] [upper $currency] | \u0394 = [posneg $diff] [upper $currency]}}
|
||
proc sa_thread_titles {{forumid 0}} {odd_elm [sa_threads $forumid]}
|
||
proc attackad2 {{pol {}}} {if {$pol == ""} {set pol [political_figure]}; return "$pol's own words:\n[hotbutton]: \"[niggerphrase]\"\n[hotbutton]: \"[niggerphrase]\"\n[hotbutton]: \"[niggerphrase]\""}
|
||
proc urban args {set c 0; . [^B][^_][string totitle $args]\n\x20\n[regsub -all {(\\r\\n|\\n\\n|\\n|\\r)} [join [map [top [pwget {"definition":"(.+?)"} http://api.urbandictionary.com/v0/define?term=[urlencode [args]]] 3] {x {incr c; . "[^B]$c)[^B] $x\n "}}] \n] \n]}
|
||
proc unixcmd {} { return "[unixprog_word] -[join [mapx [seq 0 [rand 5]] x {lindex_random [seq a z]}] {}]"}
|
||
proc rnscale {n b1 b2} { expr round($n * ($b1 * 1.000 / $b2)) }
|
||
proc octalsay args {stampsay -s octalc0de [join $args]}
|
||
proc kallebooze args {kallebooize [string map {moira kalleboo} [moira]]}
|
||
proc stool1 {} {return "Bristol Stool Chart\nType 1 .,.,. Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)\nType 2 (:::) Sausage-shaped but lumpy\nType 3 (###) Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface\nType 4 ( ) Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft\nType 5 o o o Soft blobs with clear-cut edges (passed easily)"}
|
||
proc STbike {} {join {{ _~o } { _-\<,_ } {(_)/ (_) }} \n}
|
||
proc arrested {} { return "Today I was arrested by the [location_word] police department. It all started when I refused to show the receipt for my [string tolower [appliance_word]] to the [political_word] [niggerword] employee at Circuit City, and it ended when a [niggerword] police officer arrested me for refusing to show my [butte_word]." }
|
||
proc stool2 {} {return "Type 6 ***** Fluffy pieces with ragged adges, a mushy stool\nType 7 ~~~~~ Watery, no solid pieces. Entirely Liquid"}
|
||
proc blackjack_deal {} { foreach {i} {1 2} { foreach {p} [blackjack_players] { set card [blackjack_add_card $p [blackjack_draw_card]]; }; }; }
|
||
proc blackjack_loses p { blackjack_set_score $p [expr [blackjack_get_score $p] - [blackjack_losing $p]]; return "$p loses \$ [blackjack_losing $p] ! "; }
|
||
proc moiradrunk {{glob *}} {?? [lfilter *$glob* [lines [cwget http://i.conio.net/moiradrunk.txt]]]}
|
||
proc shade str {string map "@ â–’ O â–‘ o â–‘ . { }" $str}
|
||
proc hillary_flag {} {string map {MILLS BITCH {TWO AMERICAS} {ELECTABILITY}} [edwards_flag]}
|
||
proc STwinkie {} {. " W\n WWW\n WWW\n WWWWW\nW WWWWW W\nWWW WWWWW WWW\n WWW WWWWW WWW\n WWW WWW WWW\n WWW WWW WWW\n WWWWWWW\n WWWW | WWWW\n |"}
|
||
proc blakeresume {} {ajoin " " [STblake] \n/ "My qualifications include:\n[join [map [getnuniq 3 randomblakequalification] {x {. " • $x"}}] \n]"}
|
||
proc savebigmoney {} {. "http://i.conio.net/menards.m4r#.mp3"}
|
||
proc niggasay {} {goonsay "OOGA BOOGA WHUR DA WHITE WEMEN @"}
|
||
proc xset args {if {[llength $args] < 2} {error "wrong # args: should be \"xset var1 ... list\""}; set vars [lrange $args 0 end-1]; set list [lindex $args end]; foreach var $vars {set value [lindex $list 0]; set list [lrange $list 1 end]; uplevel [list set $var $value]}}
|
||
proc lorfname {} {return "[swede_first_name] [alshort]"}
|
||
proc FLAGiran args {sayflag "h" 03030000 "_" "-" $args}
|
||
proc butteshack:monster.h {} {return "[lindex_random [list {} {master }]][body_part] flayer"}
|
||
proc create_radeon_proc args {set lines [list]; foreach line $args {if {![regexp -nocase {^<.?radeon>} [strip_all $line]]} {set line "<@radeon> $line"}; lappend lines $line}; set procname "radeon[expr {[llength [info procs radeon*]]+1}]"; uplevel #0 [list proc $procname {} [list return [join $lines \n]]]; return $procname}
|
||
proc roulette_win {} {return "[gold "CLOSE CALL"], [string toupper [nick]]"}
|
||
proc Winkies? {} {set Winkies {}; foreach name [regexp -inline -all {Winkie} [names]] { lappend Winkies $name; }; return [c "420 [winkz_word]s:" [join $Winkies ","]];}
|
||
proc until_ {pattern args} { set l [$args]; . $args; if [regexp -nocase $pattern $l] { return $l } else { return [until_ $pattern $args] } }
|
||
proc amendpoop {hours {type {}} {nick {}}} {set nick [ornick $nick]; set lpoop [_pooplast $nick]; set npoop [expr int($lpoop - (3600 * $hours))]; _pooplastset $nick $npoop; set ltype [_pooptypeget $nick $lpoop]; _pooptypedel $nick $lpoop; _pooptypeadd $nick $npoop [or $type $ltype]; return "[_pooplast $nick] [_pooplasttype $nick]" }
|
||
proc STghost {} { return " /( \n /\\('')_/\\ \n \\__ __/ \n / \\_ \n \\____/ ";}
|
||
proc tor2web url {. [string map {onion tor2web.org} $url]}
|
||
proc fartingdude {} {ajoin "" [omgdude] "\n\n\n\n / \n - \n \\ \n" \n\n[STfartcloud]}
|
||
proc terror {{who terror}} {tellol terror [lindex_random $::terror_phrases]}
|
||
proc smileman {} {. . . \n\\_/ }
|
||
proc morse args {string map {- _} [string map $::morsecodemap [join [split [string map {{ } {/}} [string tolower [join $args]]] {}] { }]]}
|
||
proc bigbutte {} {return "[bgt [butte_word]]"}
|
||
proc chess:color man {expr {[string is upper $man]? "white" : "black"}}
|
||
proc ligaturize args {string map $::ligature_map [join $args]}
|
||
proc pacghost a {. "[z 1 12][z $a 8][z 1 10]\n[z 1 6][z $a 16][z 1 6]\n[z 1 4][z $a 20][z 1 4]\n[z 1 2][z $a 6][z 0 4][z $a 8][z 0 4][z $a 2][z 1 2]\n[z 1 2][z $a 4][z 0 8][z $a 4][z 0 8][z 1 2]\n[z 1 2][z $a 4][z 0 4][z 1 4][z $a 4][z 0 4][z 1 6]\n[z $a 6][z 0 4][z 1 4][z $a 4][z 0 4][z 1 4][z $a 2]\n[z $a 8][z 0 4][z $a 8][z 0 4][z $a 4]\n[z $a 28]\n[z $a 28]\n[z $a 28]\n[z $a 28]\n[z $a 4][z 1 2][z $a 6][z 1 4][z $a 6][z 1 2][z $a 4]\n"}
|
||
proc minecraft args {. {[WARNING] Can't keep up! Did the system time change, or is the server overloaded?}}
|
||
proc STsleepycat {} { return " |\\ _,,,---,,_ \n /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ \n |,4- ) )-,_..;\\ ( `'-' \n'---''(_/--' `-'\\_) ";}
|
||
proc steelbeamsex {} { . "I sexually Identify as a steel beam. Ever since 9/11 I dreamed of getting drawn closer and closer to my melting point by jet fuel under the Twin Tower letting them drop on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a steel beam is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install steel beams and jet fuel on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Steel Beam” and respect my right to not melt by jet fuel and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a steeliphobe and need to check your metallic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding." }
|
||
proc unixdev {} {return "/dev/[join [random_word] /][rand 9]"}
|
||
proc color_cthulhu {} {set body [color green]; set eyes [color white]; string map [list \$eyes [color white] \$body [color green]] [join [list {$body _--------. } {$body / ~~~~~~\ } {$body(_ ~~~$eyes@$body~~$eyes@$body| } {$body \ ~~//|\\\ |} {$body \ \|||/\\\_/} {$body / /|//_/|/__} {$body / \_\ \|\| }] \n]}
|
||
proc onaboat {} {. http://content.ytmnd.com/content/a/8/6/a86e4591556d7a798e257d2393515781.mp3}
|
||
proc 1488 {} { . What is the weather ? Love and kisses.}
|
||
proc appease-sam {} {c3 women are whores}
|
||
proc debug_color str {string map { ^C ^B ^_ ^V ^O} $str}
|
||
proc powered {} {. http://tcl.sourceforge.net/images/pwrdLogo200.gif}
|
||
proc magick-stack-gen {img1 img2 {space 0} {bg http://churchturing.org/x/100x100white.png}} {
|
||
return "(let ((i1 [scheme_image_or_sexpr $img1])
|
||
(i2 [scheme_image_or_sexpr $img2])
|
||
(w1 (width i1))
|
||
(w2 (width i2))
|
||
(h1 (height i1))
|
||
(h2 (height i2))
|
||
(h (+ h1 h2 $space))
|
||
(w (if (> w1 w2) w1 w2))
|
||
(w1o (if (> w w1) (/ (- w w1) 2) 0))
|
||
(w2o (if (> w w2) (/ (- w w2) 2) 0))
|
||
(canvas (resize (image [magick_id $bg]) w h)))
|
||
(composite (composite canvas i1 w1o 0) i2 w2o (+ h1 $space)))"
|
||
}
|
||
proc body swatsi {fatdraw {111111111 100000001 101011101 101010001 101111101 100010101 101110101 100000001 111111111}}
|
||
proc nerding {{user {}}} {return "[color white on black]$user runs[color red on black] [random_word] linux[color white on black] with[color red on black] [window_word][color white on black]."}
|
||
proc lsmod {} {set q [list]; lappend q [lsmodhead]; foreach i [seq 1 9] {lappend q [lsmodbody]}; return [join $q \n]}
|
||
proc image-harpoon img { magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $img http://churchturing.org/y/crSVz.png 0.8 }
|
||
proc drfred {} {return "post the make/model of your psu please"}
|
||
proc v%?? {l {index -1}} { if {$index == -1} {set index [rand [llength $l]]}; lindex $l $index }
|
||
proc slot_pull_value stamps {set s [lsort $stamps]; set m [slot_stamp_max_value]; set c [llength [info procs ST*]]; if {([lindex $s 0] eq [lindex $s 1]) || ([lindex $s 1] eq [lindex $s 2])} {set x .2} elseif {[lindex $s 0] eq [lindex $s 2]} {set x 1} else {return [slot_pull_value_single $stamps]}; expr {int($::slot_jackpot * $x)}}
|
||
proc islamac {} {sys6 [islam [?? $::mac_apps]]}
|
||
proc end_of_world {} {clock format [expr {int(pow(2,31)-1)}]}
|
||
proc will_poz_status {} {. "neg"}
|
||
proc tkhouseofsluts {} {thomaskback [?? $::porn_scenes_dict] }
|
||
proc overheard_in_asia {} {set one [vietfullname]; set two [vietfullname]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [chinkerize [overheardline]]\n$two: [chinkerize [[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug mystic al_insult]]]\n$one: [chinkerize [overheardline]]\n-- [chinkplace]"}
|
||
proc fundamentalist_christian {} {lindex_random $::fundie_dict}
|
||
proc STfedoragoon {} {. " _____,\n /_ ___\\\\\n ___|________|___\n[join [lrange [lines [STfullgoon]] 1 end] \n]"}
|
||
proc edwards_flag {} {next_in_list {white_mills red_mills}; . [smega {. [two_americas][[next_in_list {white_mills red_mills}]]} 5]\n[smega {[next_in_list {big_white_mills big_red_mills}]} 4]}
|
||
proc gaycast args {if {$args eq ""} {set city [lindex_random $::forecast_locs]} {set city [join $args _]};join [map1 [split [forecast $city] \n] {strcat [gay]}] \n}
|
||
proc pretty_girl {} {lindex_random $::pretty_girl_dict}
|
||
proc niggercoin {} {return "nigger[coin]"}
|
||
proc catbusvirusdcc {} {. [string map {" " ""} [string repeat ! [rand 25]][rand 15]yo-[pedo_word]][rand 999][virusextension]}
|
||
proc works args {return "No, your mother works $args"}
|
||
proc squid {} { join [list "[color violet] /?\\" "[color violet]/ [color yellow]O[color violet] \\" "[color violet]\\ /" "[color violet] )|(" "[color violet]((|))"] \n }
|
||
proc slur {} {lindex_random $::slur_dict}
|
||
proc rendertext_raw text {
|
||
# size 16, 23 Ms in 300 pixels, 16-17 pixels high
|
||
set nlines [llength [lines $text]];
|
||
set pwidth [apply max [map [lines $text] [& textwidth]]];
|
||
set pheight [* 17 $nlines]
|
||
magick annotate [magickcanvas $pwidth $pheight] 16 0 0 Black $text
|
||
}
|
||
proc capital {} { return "can i get a venture capital" }
|
||
proc rightomgchair {} { omgchair }
|
||
proc mormon {} {return "[lolname] beheld the golden tablets, and upon them was writ:\n[weirdbible]"}
|
||
proc _alphabet {} {return "AaBbCcDdEeFfGgHhIiJjKkLlMmNnOoPpQqRrSsTtUuVvWwXxYyZZ"}
|
||
proc encding str { encoding convertfrom dingbats $str }
|
||
proc tinydancer {} {return "hold me closer, [size_word] [word {^[a-z].*?(?:cer)$}], count the [word {^[a-z].*?(?:ights)$}] on the [word {^[a-z].*?(?:way)$}]; lay me down in [word {^[a-z].*?(?:eet)$}]s of [word {^[a-z].*?(?:in)$}], you've had a [word {^[a-z].*?(?:sy)$}] day today!"}
|
||
proc namaste nick {return "$nick: /||\\";}
|
||
proc meansno {} {. "[animalsound_word] means no"}
|
||
proc grapefruitize args {join [mapx [split $args] word {concat [color [next_in_list {orange fuchsia}]]$word}]}
|
||
proc aimerror {{sn {}}} {set sn [aimname $sn] ; aim -n $sn "<font color=\"#ff0000\"><b>Error</b></font> eval block in /home/r1ch/p/aimbot/spam.rb(437): OutOfMemoryException (adding screen name ``$sn'' to \$teamBarryList: out of memory) (<b>YOU DO NOT NEED TO REPORT THIS!!!</b>)"}
|
||
proc babelto args {apply babelfish $args}
|
||
proc botanybay {} {lindex_random $::khan_quotes}
|
||
proc ruin4lyfe {} {return "hiss ruin4lyfe"}
|
||
proc lfilter_not {glob list} {join [map $list {w {if ![string match $glob $w] { . $w}}}] { }}
|
||
proc bigLT {} { return " /\n /\n<\n \\\n \\"; }
|
||
proc teef {} {return "@|-,,,,-|@"}
|
||
proc hexagenda args { . "00:00 - 23:59: SUCK NIGGER DICKS"}
|
||
proc time? {} {pick 1 {bt time to fuck} 2 {img-fucktime} 3 {wet time to fuck}}
|
||
proc steve-gen url {. (let ((im (image [magick shear [crop_to_fit_and_resize $url 0 0 170 210] -2 -12])) (bg (image http://willstclair.com/img/steveo.png)) ) (composite (composite bg im 75 300) bg 0 0)) }
|
||
proc gaybowchar c {set c [string toupper $c]; if ![info exists ::alphabet($c)] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]}; set ret [list]; foreach line [split [decode $::alphabet($c)] \n] {set g [gay]; lappend ret [regsub -all {\*($|\n| )} [regsub -all {(^|\n| )\*} $line "\\1$g,$g*"] "*\\1"]}; join $ret \n}
|
||
proc EHLO {} { return "[bold]551 You're a faggot" }
|
||
proc biggaybowtext str {text gaybowchar $str}
|
||
proc square {} {return " _ \n|_|"}
|
||
proc heptalk args {. "<hep> Look, I don't want to have to have the \"$args\" convo yet, ok?"}
|
||
proc STnazi {} {return "\n|_|¯'\n,_|¯|\n";}
|
||
proc farttagline {} {lindex [regexp -inline {<em>"(.*?)"</em>} [wget http://www.asciiartfarts.com/random.cgi]] 1}
|
||
proc website_line {} {rand_webpage_line [cwget [location http://www.uroulette.com/visit]]}
|
||
proc bigzing {} {bigtext zing}
|
||
proc test_dict_twowords dictionary {if {[regexp 0 [map [set ::[subst $dictionary]] {x {regexp {^([[:alpha:]]+\s)?[[:alpha:]]+$} $x}}]]} {} {. $dictionary}}
|
||
proc butanfm_color {} {next_in_list [list red orange green blue violet]}
|
||
proc aimlastmeasure {{n {}}} {set n [aimname $n];aim -n $n http://$n.on.nimp.org <-- is that your site?}
|
||
proc rwfg {txt {font {}} {wrap 20}} { if {$font == ""} {set font [random_figlet_font]}; rcolourise [wfg $txt $font $wrap]}
|
||
proc mr_x {} mrx
|
||
proc gfactor args { return [goonsay [eval [concat factor $args]]] }
|
||
proc morseml {} {morse [fml]}
|
||
proc acquaintance_chain {} { if {[rand 3] == 0} { return "[unprefixed_simple_acquaintance]'s [acquaintance_chain]"} { return [unprefixed_simple_acquaintance]}}
|
||
proc {lisa needs braces} {} {return "dental plan"}
|
||
proc lasttrack {{who {}}} {if {![cache exists last_track [nname $who]]} {track urmom 420} {apply track [cache get last_track [nname $who]]}}
|
||
proc everyday {} {. 420 [random_word]in' everyday}
|
||
proc nigger_ramblings {} {return "[niggername] said \"[niggerphrase]\" then"}
|
||
proc +incog {title story} {set "::incogstories($title)" "$story"}
|
||
proc aimf_zenwhen args {aimify zenwhen $args}
|
||
proc colonagenda {{cat {}} {n 5}} { set cat [buttes_cat_or_other $cat]; set starttime [+ [rand 6] 9]; return "COLIN AGENDA:\n[join [mapx [szip [seq $starttime [+ [- $n 1] $starttime]] [getnuniq $n colinagenda:event]] x {ajoin " " " " [gayagenda:time [car $x]] ":" [wrap [upper [cadr $x]] 60]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc knockknock {} {return "Knock knock"}
|
||
proc parse_sa_thread a { lindex [wget "http://abez.ca:8080/~abez/thread/getparsethread.pl?threadid=$a"] 0 }
|
||
proc macros {} {lrange [odd_elm [regexp -all -inline {<A HREF="(.*?)">} [cwget http://buttes.org/macros/]]] 5 end}
|
||
proc getval2 {list val} { if { [set i [lsearch $list $val]] >= 0 } { lindex $list [ 1 $i] } }
|
||
proc faglame {} {lindex_random $::faglame_dict}
|
||
proc actor_action {} {?? $::actor_action }
|
||
proc dontroll {} {return " HEY XXXXXXXXXXXXXX\n \n \n \n DONT TROLL ON ME "}
|
||
proc annoyclint {} { . beep }
|
||
proc fedbait_living {} {fedbait [livingprez_word]}
|
||
proc procs_that_need_to_be_updated {} {find_in_procs "2008"}
|
||
proc mccain_quote {} {pick 2 {return "[bold][color white on blue] FOOTSOLDIER IN THE REAGAN REVOLUTION" } 1 {return "[bold][color black on red] I WAS SENATOR OF A BORDER STATE"} 1 {return "[bold][color white on red] I WAS SENATOR OF A BORDER STATE (ON 9/11)"} 1 {. "[bold][color red on black]AT LEAST I DON'T PLASTER ON THE MAKEUP LIKE A TROLLOP, YOU CUNT"}}
|
||
proc STbird {} { return " (\\ _ /) \n ( \\('<./ ) \n (_(..)_) \n /\\/\\ \n /))((\\ ";}
|
||
proc bj_instructions {} { return [blackjack_instructions]; }
|
||
proc buttesfighter {{name {}}} { . "[pick 1 jewname 1 waspfirstname 1 niggername] \"[or $name [name]]\" [pick 1 swede_last_name 1 waspsurname 1 jewsurname 1 zuluname 1 surname], representing [channel] on Buttesnet" }
|
||
proc cern args {apply lhc $args}
|
||
proc dralbot {} {. You have [string totitle [choose [al_man_word] [al_hat_word]]] [string totitle [sexpart]]}
|
||
proc radeon {} {return "<radeon> I just got a prospective job offer today\n<wangzang> sucking dick down by the docks?\n<radeon> hes going to need another guy\n<radeon> and i told him that i'd do it"}
|
||
proc jpeg_no_dither {url {width 80}} { jpg cum $url $width}
|
||
proc andrzej_advice {} { stampsay -l -s andrzej {a protip for you guys in the future: last week of a relationship + sex + pulling out "just in case" = girlfriend in tears.} }
|
||
proc blog_start args {set KEYWORD [title_each [default [join $args] [random_word]]]; subst [?? $::blog_starter_phrases]}
|
||
proc cpanmsg {} {choose "Warning: prerequisite [cpan] [rand 4].[rand 15] not found." "Running install for module [cpan] " "[cpan] is up to date."}
|
||
proc pennyarcade {year month day} {magick composite http://penny-arcade.com/images/$year/$year$month$day.jpg [magick_id [magick resize [img-dick2dick] 230 335]] 503 24}
|
||
proc mroach {} {[?? [lgrep {mroach[0-9]+} [info proc mroach*]]]}
|
||
proc sams? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] {sam sma sherman samanthajean eam}]] sams}
|
||
proc news_paragraph01 {} {return "[string toupper "[city], [country]"] - [political_figure] has pledged support for [hotbutton], sources close to the controversial figure say."}
|
||
proc news_paragraph02 {} {return "\"[niggerphrase]\", began a brief press release to the media. \"[niggerphrase]\", it continued."}
|
||
proc fuckoff {} {return "fuck off azure"}
|
||
proc adventures_of_moira {{n {}}} {join [if {$n eq ""} {?? [adventures_of_moira_comics]} {lindex [adventures_of_moira_comics] [- $n 1]}] \n}
|
||
proc wmfimage {} { subst "<a href=\"[lindex_random $::wmfs]\">[imageshack]</a>"}
|
||
proc news_paragraph03 {} {return "Reaction was quick and swift. [niggername] [waspsurname] of the [conspiracy_group] lambasted the statement, simply stating \"[niggerphrase]\""}
|
||
proc gaytalk {} {return "YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON GAY TALK IN #ONEBUTAN! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!"}
|
||
proc bampersand {} {biggaytext B&}
|
||
proc cert {} {?? $::certs}
|
||
proc nice args {arcade "nice [string trimright [join $args] !]!" pabom 6}
|
||
proc hostdat {} {pegasamsay [bonerhost]}
|
||
proc creplace {s b e r} {
|
||
set c [csplit $s]
|
||
set t [lindex $c 0]
|
||
set d [csplit $r]
|
||
set q [list]
|
||
for {set i $b} {$i <= $e} {incr i} {
|
||
set t [lreplace $t $i $i [lindex [lindex $d 0] [expr $i-$b]]]
|
||
}
|
||
foreach f [lindex $c 1] { if {[lindex $f 0] < $b} { lappend q $f } }
|
||
foreach f [lindex $d 1] { set f [list [expr [lindex $f 0]+$b] [lindex $f 1]];lappend q $f }
|
||
lappend q [list $e [c_at_n $s $e]]
|
||
foreach f [lindex $c 1] { if {[lindex $f 0] > $e} {lappend q $f } }
|
||
cjoin [list $t $q]
|
||
}
|
||
proc svslolnick {} { subst [lindex_random $::svslolnick] }
|
||
proc catbusbrb {} {return "<Catbus> [internetacro] [sex_act] [choose kids boiz lolis] [face]"}
|
||
proc nlines str { llength [nlsplit $str] }
|
||
proc gayCANADA {} { return [CANADA [gay_random]] }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^s/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/((?:\\.|[^/])*)/(.*?)$/} {matches cmd args} {apply regsub [join [list [sre_flags [last $matches]] [list -- [lindex $matches end-2] [or [join $args] [lindex [lindex [log] end-1] 3]] [lindex $matches end-1]]] { }]}
|
||
proc bracketize_if {p s} {set ret [expr {$p ? "\[" : ""}]; append ret $s; append ret [expr {$p ? "\]" : ""}]; return $ret}
|
||
proc deferred_talking {{who {}}} {set who [name $who]; . "talking about [talking_word_for $who] and [talking_word_for $who]?"}
|
||
proc fetch tag {
|
||
set tag [normalize_tag_name $tag]
|
||
if [info exists ::images_tagged($tag)] {
|
||
each $::images_tagged($tag) [& i.buttes.org]
|
||
} else {
|
||
error "no images tagged \"$tag\""
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
proc swingler {} {swastisay ///c/lear}
|
||
proc surname {} {lindex_random "[jewsurname] [waspsurname]"}
|
||
proc aimspook args {aim -n [aimname $args] [spook]}
|
||
proc andrzej_new_gf args {. http://willstclair.com/img/ansarah.jpg}
|
||
proc cjoin c {
|
||
set r ""
|
||
set e [expr [llength [lindex $c 0]]-1]
|
||
set o [lindex $c 0]
|
||
set p 0
|
||
foreach f [lindex $c 1] {
|
||
append r [join [lrange $o $p [expr [lindex $f 0]-1]] ""]
|
||
append r [lindex $f 1]
|
||
set p [lindex $f 0]
|
||
}
|
||
append r [join [lrange $o $p end] ""]
|
||
return $r
|
||
}
|
||
proc slogan {} {return "[corporation]: We're [adjective]!"}
|
||
proc aempirei {{who {}}} { strip_color [stampsay -s omgComp "hey [name $who] u wanna suck some dicks, er i mean get hy?"] }
|
||
proc curse_you_steve product {ajoin " " [bgbt [lindex [regexp -inline {Update: (\d+)} [buyers_guide $product]] 1]] "\n\nDAYS SINCE [string toupper $product] UPDATE\nCURSE YOU \$TEVEN P. JOB\$!!!!!"}
|
||
proc uablax {} {return "no U a blax"}
|
||
proc extract_url args { regexp -all -inline {https?://[^ \}]+} $args }
|
||
proc unknown:nick/joseph/ args {error [mockblake]}
|
||
proc randreddit_search {what {n 1}} {lrange [shuffle [rss_parse_feed_reddit [http://www.reddit.com/subreddits/search/.rss?q=[urlencode $what]]]] 0 [($n - 1)]}
|
||
proc goondoctor {} {stampsay -l -s doctor2 [doctoral] [mmm]}
|
||
proc manties {{args {}}} {return "[name $args]: what kind of manties are you wearing?"}
|
||
proc go:topright {} {uchar 2513}
|
||
proc STmacintrash {} { . " ,----------.\n |,--------.|\n || ||\n || ||\n || ||\n |`--------'|\n | == o |\n `----------'"}
|
||
proc backuptoke {} {. \\|/ :: E T 420 K E :: \\|/}
|
||
proc bold args {return [^B][join $args]}
|
||
proc wet_fullwidth args {if {[string length $args] > 8} {error "too long, spic"}; subst [string map {* {[rand_fullwidth]} " " {[uchar 3000]}} [wet $args]]}
|
||
proc magickcanvastransparent {{width 300} {height 300}} {magickcanvas $width $height http://churchturing.org/w/1x1.png}
|
||
proc STgoon {} { return " __________\n (--\[ .\]-\[ .\]\n (_______O__)" }
|
||
proc STcake {} {. [color yellow] @ @ @ @ @ @ @[^O]\n[color]_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_[^O]\n[color blue]|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^|[^O]\n[color red]****************[^O]\n[color blue]|______________|[^O]}
|
||
proc even_elm args {every_n_from 2 0 [join $args]}
|
||
proc trolldar {{nick {}}} {string map [list "PING... PING... GAY DETECTED" " TROLL DETECTED"] [gaydar:placename [gaydar:scope] $nick]}
|
||
proc yahoonews {} {set r [list];foreach {m h} [regexp -all -inline {class=topstory>(.*?)<} [wget news.yahoo.com]] {lappend r $h};rows [join $r \n] 10}
|
||
proc troll_me_raw {} { wget "http://rolloffle.churchburning.org/troll_me_text.php" }
|
||
proc lind_btc {} btc_lind
|
||
proc assocdfl {l dfl v} { set o [assoc $l $v]; if {$o=={}} { return $dfl } else { return $o }}
|
||
proc squidflag {} { ajoin "" "[ctrlv]\n[ctrlv]\n[ctrlv]\n[ctrlv]\n[ctrlv]" [evilsquid "MOLOTOV\n EVERYTHING\n UNDER\n THE\n SEA"] }
|
||
proc popeye_timeline {{now NWO}} { string map [list NOW $now] [img-timeline] }
|
||
proc blackjack_bust_check p { set hand [blackjack_get_player $p]; set score [blackjack_score_hand $hand]; if [expr $score > 21] { return 1; } else { return 0; } }
|
||
proc aimjewlist {{who {}}} {set str "<b>LIST OF <font color=red>JEWS</font> I AM GOING TO KILL:</b><br>[join [split [mega jewfullname] \n] <br>]"; if {$who eq ""} {aim $str} {aim -n $who $str}}
|
||
proc wow_class {} {lindex_random $::wow_class}
|
||
proc STnegromohammed {} { join { { *} { __/ } {/ \ } {\__/ } {/..\ } {\_O/ } } \n }
|
||
proc ultra911 {} {draw {0000001110000000000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000111100000000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000011111000000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000001111100000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000000111111000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 1110000000011111111100000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0111100000001111111100000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0011110000000111111000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0111111111111111111111111111111000000000111111110000011111111 1111111111111111111111111111111110000000111111110000011111111 0111111111111111111111111111111000000000111111110000011111111 0011110000000111111000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0111100000001111111100000000000000000000111111110000011111111 1110000000011111111100000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000000111111000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000001111100000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000011111000000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000000111100000000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111 0000001110000000000000000000000000000000111111110000011111111}
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
proc gappfort {} { ajoin " " [buttesfort:fort] "GAPP GAY LOVE SHACK LEVEL [+ 1 [rand 9]]\n---------------------------\n\n[buttesroomlist]" }
|
||
proc goonyx {} {return "A goon without [food_word] is like sumthin' is missin' - that was my employer when I ain't had a pot to piss in, so LISTEN: keep some [food_word] even if it ain't cooked, cuz it's better than have none and be in deep shit!"}
|
||
proc aimniggerjoke args { aim -n [aimname $args] [niggerjoke] }
|
||
proc capture {vars {level 1}} {
|
||
set arrays [set scalars [list]]
|
||
|
||
foreach var [uplevel $level {info vars}] {
|
||
if {$vars eq "-all" || [lsearch -exact $vars $var] != -1} {
|
||
if [uplevel $level [list array exists $var]] {
|
||
lappend arrays $var [uplevel $level [list array get $var]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
lappend scalars $var [uplevel $level [list set $var]]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
list scalars $scalars arrays $arrays
|
||
}
|
||
proc holyfuck {} {return " _____ _____ \n ,-~\" \"~-. . \" . ,-~\" \"~-.\n ,^ ^. `. .' ,^ ^.\n / \\ ^ / \\\n Y___________________Y Y___________________Y\n | |^~\"|^ _ ^|\"~^| | | |\"~\"|^ _ ^|\"~\"| |\n | ! l (_) ! ! l | ! l (_) ! ! |\n l \\ `\\.___,/' / ! l \\ `\\.___,/' / !\n \\ ^. ,^ /! !\\ ^. ,^ /\n ^. ~-------~ ,^\\`v-v'/^. ~-------~ ,^\n _)~-._______,-~ \}---\{ ~-._______,-~(_\n .--\"~ ,-^7' / \\ `Y^-, ~\"--.\n/ (_,/ ,/' `\\. \\._) ___ \\\n\\_____.,--\"~~~\"--..,__ ___,..--<\"~ ~\"-.,___/\n / ( __,--~ _.._\"\"~~~~\"\" ,-\" \"-.`\\ /~.-\"\n `._\"--~_,.--\"~ ~-------~ \\ `---' /\n \"~\"\" \"-.__,/"}
|
||
proc randomsmallstamp {{w 20} {h 7}} { set stamp [?? [info procs ST*]]; set size [maxdims [$stamp]]; if {[first $size] <= $w && [second $size] <= $h} { return $stamp; } else { return [randomsmallstamp $w $h]; } }
|
||
proc tcpip {} {return "http://product.half.ebay.com/TCP-IP-for-Dummies_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ2384586"}
|
||
proc jre.jpg {} { return "http://www.jailbaitgallery.com/index.php?id=[rand 7417]"}
|
||
proc aimf_rotflmao args {aimify rotflmao $args}
|
||
proc darren_ad {} {embed [tail [head 17 [macro tux]]] "[color black]lats.\n[color black]quads.\n[color black]pecs.\n[b][color black]DARREN[b]" 5 5}
|
||
proc new_shsc_thread args { return "[color green]:10bux:[color lime]:10bux:[color green]:10bux:"}
|
||
proc KtoC K { expr $K - 273.15 }
|
||
proc times {count string} {repeat $count [list . $string]}
|
||
proc randatag {} {set tag [?? [atags]]; . $tag: [aud-$tag]}
|
||
proc arabnetsay {} {}
|
||
proc subverted {{name {}}} {return "<[name $name]> As a young lad I was subverted by [cartoon_show], kickstarting my descent into [faglame] [dnd_word] and [dnd_word]"}
|
||
proc KtoF K { CtoF [KtoC $K] }
|
||
proc catbusdcc {} {return "Will you accept \"!!!c@tbus[string tolower [element_word]]_[string map {" " "_"} [pedo_word]]_vids--[kazaa]\" from user Catbus?"}
|
||
proc channelcomic {{n 5}} { randomcomic [join [lrange [last [lines [ll]] [+ $n 1]] 0 [- $n 1]] \n] }
|
||
proc figlet_fonts {} {join [map [regexp -inline -line -all {<option value="([^"]+?)">} [cwget {http://patorjk.com/software/taag/font_settings_v1.php?fonttype=all}]] {{match font} {. $font}}] \n}
|
||
proc kerry {} {return "My position has always been [shakti_word]. I have a strong plan with [shakti_word] and [shakti_word]. My opponent refuses to acknowledge the [kerry_word], but I believe [shakti_word] is key on this issue. Stormfront.org does bring up some good points concerning the [kerry_word]...where are the [kerry_word]s?"}
|
||
proc STgorf {} {return " ,\n ..\n \n *\n *\n * * \n _ _ "}
|
||
proc default {a b} { if {$a!=""} { return $a; }; return $b}
|
||
proc slot_stats_played who {if ![info exists ::slot_stats(played,$who)] {set ::slot_stats(played,$who) 0}; return $::slot_stats(played,$who)}
|
||
proc mandala {} {aflip [fastmystery]}
|
||
proc overheard_in_manchester {} {return [join [lrange [lines [subst [regsub -line -all {^(.*?:) .*$} [overheard] {\1 [pick 1 arabic 3 {join "Clack clack clack."} 2 {join "*purr*"} 2 {join "*lights the bong*"}]}]]] 0 end-1] \n]\n--\ Manchester}
|
||
proc niga {cmd args} {niggerize [apply [list giga $cmd] $args]}
|
||
proc female_halloween_costume {} {. "[choose Sexy Naughty Scandalous] [string totitle [job]]"}
|
||
proc garfieldplusdicks {year month day} {magick composite "http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ga/${year}/ga[string range $year 2 3]${month}${day}.gif" [magick_id [magick resize [img-dick2dick] 197 168]] 399 3}
|
||
proc lsmodhead {} {format "%-24s %5s Used by %s" {Module} {Size} [lindex_random {{Not tainted} {Tainted: PF}}]}
|
||
proc aimf_gaychorus args {aimify gaychorus $args}
|
||
proc buttes_totem2 txt {ajoin " " " " [aflip [randart 6]] "\n\n\n\n $txt" }
|
||
proc google:calc args {join [html [last [regexp -inline {<h2 class="r"[^>]+>([^>]*)</h2>} [wget http://www.google.com/search?q=[urlencode [join ${args}]]]]]]}
|
||
proc spiderman {} {return "spiderman.exe is a virus created by Peter Enckelman, a Helsinki student and member of the gay pride movement. The virus infects a computer and replaces images on the disk with an animated picture of Spiderman, dancing suggestively."}
|
||
proc Tcl {cmd args} {apply $cmd $args}
|
||
proc define args {regsub -all "\n\\s{7,}" [strip_html [lindex [regexp -inline {<pre>\s*(?:.*?\n){3}(.+?)\s*</pre>} [http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict?Form=Dict2&Database=wn&Query=[urlencode [join $args]]]] 1]] { }}
|
||
proc trivguess args { if { [distance [string toupper [args]] [string toupper $::trivia_answer]] >= $::triv_distance } { +point [nick]; . "[^B][^C]09[nick][^C] is correct! ('[args]' vs '$::trivia_answer')[nln]The next question is:[^B] [trivia $::trivia_cat]" } }
|
||
proc loaf2 {} {. l[join [repeat [rand 1 4] {. [?? {o a oa}][?? {r m f rf lf}]}] {}][?? {yl {}}]}
|
||
proc unknown_fuzzy_find_command {pattern resultvar} {set query [unknown_fuzzy_normalize $pattern]; set matches [list]; foreach proc [info procs] {if {$query eq [unknown_fuzzy_normalize $proc]} {lappend matches $proc}}; if [llength $matches] {uplevel [list set $resultvar $matches]; return 1} {return 0}}
|
||
proc image-spooge url { magick_overlay $url http://imgur.com/qINvM.png }
|
||
proc nwo_top {} {. "▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄\n /!\\ CAUTION /!\\ ░\n NEW WORLD ORDER AHEAD ░\n POTENTIAL HAZARDS INCLUDE ░\n Military Draft ░\n World War Three ░\n"}
|
||
proc niggertoes {} {return "shut up, fishmech"}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)log$/} {matches args} {log_for [last $matches]}
|
||
proc hjoin {a b} { set a [seal $a]; set b [seal $b]; set x [+ [lline [strip_all $a]] [lline [strip_all $b]]]; set y [bigger [nlines $a] [nlines $b]]; embed [embed [canvas [+ $x 2] $y] $a 1 1] $b [+ [lline [strip_all $a]] 2] 1 }
|
||
proc celcius f { expr ( $f - 32 ) * 5 / 9 }
|
||
proc pet_name {} {lindex_random $::pet_names}
|
||
proc brofist {} {return \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ___________\n\ \ \ \ \ ______/\ \ \ \\__//\ \ \ \\______\n\ \ \ _/\ \ \ \\_/\ \ :\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\n\ \ /|\ \ \ \ \ \ :\ \ \ \ \ ..\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\n\ |\ |\ \ \ \ \ ::\ \ \ \ \ ::\ \ \ \ \ \ .\ \ \ \ \ \ |\n\ |\ |\ \ \ \ \ :|\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ \ :\ \ \ \ \ \ |\n\ |\ |\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\n\ \ \\|\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\n\ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\n\ \ \ |\ ___\ ||\ ___\ ||\ \ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \ \ |\\\n\ \ \ \ \\_-_/\ \ \\_-_/\ |\ ____\ |\ ____\ |\ \\\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _\\_--_/\ \\_--_/\ \ /\n\ \ \ \ place\ fist\ \ /____\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ /\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ here\ \ \ \ /\ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ /\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\______\\_______/\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \n\ |\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ,---.o\ \ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ \n\ |---.,---.,---.\ \ \ \ |__.\ .,---.|---\ \n\ |\ \ \ ||\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ |\ \ \ \ |\ \ \ \ |`---.|\ \ \ \ \n\ `---'`\ \ \ \ `---'\ \ \ \ `\ \ \ \ ``---'`---'\n}
|
||
proc nanog {} {swastisay nanog}
|
||
proc horror {} {return "Iä! Iä! [capitalize [pick 1 adjective 1 fear_word]] [capitalize [pick 1 animal_word 1 name 1 infidel_word]] of [capitalize [pick 1 location_word 1 laxative_word 1 ircnet_word]] with a Thousand [capitalize [pick 1 butte_word 1 body_part]]s! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh [capitalize [name]] R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."}
|
||
proc bool {} { string map { nig false nog true } [nignog 1] }
|
||
proc chinee {{oi {ah so! me likey fried rice!}}} {return "-_- [chineespeak $oi] -_-"}
|
||
proc dikkyize args {join [mapx [seq 1 [llength [split [join $args]]]] x dikky_word]}
|
||
proc slots {} slot_pull
|
||
proc realpi {} {return 3}
|
||
proc matrix args {gay_pl_color_ify matrix_colours [wrap "$args" 72]}
|
||
proc boom {} {string repeat "mao" 55555555}
|
||
proc inventory {} {rain "I have: \nA 10 foot extention pole.\nSome small saw blades.\nA utility knife.\nDuct tape.\nA crossbow."}
|
||
proc movieplot {{who {}}} {return "\"[movie][sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1950 [rand 58]]) tells the story of [name $who] ([celebrity]) growing up in a [era] [country] coping with [choose [historical_event] [hotbutton]], and the cult of personality that formed around a then-unknown [political_figure] ([celebrity]). [review]"}
|
||
proc killgrue {} {.",,load /etc/passed" ",look" }
|
||
proc WHOHA {{x 40}} {giga "wohaaahah $x"}
|
||
proc yenza_okuqondile Stephen_Harper {set Charles_Bronson $chinee; set Will_and_Grace_reruns [mccain_slogan]; return $insomnia; return $pre_Clear}
|
||
proc gudjews {} {return "[gudrize " o, o__ o_/| o_."]\n[gudrize " </ \[/ JEW CANOE \[_| | \[_\\"]\n[gudrize " (`-/------/-----') (`----|------\\-')"]\n[gudrize "~~~~~~~@~~~~~~@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~~"]"}
|
||
proc arotate180 v {vflip [flip $v]}
|
||
proc circle r {
|
||
set c [canvas [expr $r * 2 + 2] [expr $r * 2 + 1]];
|
||
set f [- 1 $r];
|
||
set ddf_x 1;
|
||
set ddf_y [expr -2 * $r];
|
||
set x 0;
|
||
set y $r;
|
||
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c $r [+ $r $r]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c $r [- $r $r]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [+ $r $r] $r];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [- $r $r] $r];
|
||
|
||
while {$x < $y} {
|
||
if {$f >= 0} {
|
||
incr y -1;
|
||
incr ddf_y 2;
|
||
incr f $ddf_y;
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
incr x;
|
||
incr ddf_x 2;
|
||
incr f $ddf_x
|
||
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r + $x)] [expr round($r + $y)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r - $x)] [expr round($r + $y)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r + $x)] [expr round($r - $y)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r - $x)] [expr round($r - $y)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r + $y)] [expr round($r + $x)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r - $y)] [expr round($r + $x)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r + $y)] [expr round($r - $x)]];
|
||
set c [2dsetchar $c [expr round($r - $y)] [expr round($r - $x)]];
|
||
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
return $c;
|
||
}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/d2opers(.+?)$/} {match cmd args} {if {$args eq ""} {more_php [second $match]} {more_php [. [second $match] $args]} }
|
||
proc randtag2 {} {. [de-buttes [img-[?? [tags]]]]}
|
||
proc upperjoin args { join [upper [join [join $args]]] }
|
||
proc nospoon {{bend bend} {spoon spoon}} {return "Do not try to $bend the $spoon. That's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth: there is no $spoon. Then you'll see that it is not the $spoon you $bend, it is only yourself."}
|
||
proc nanny {{who {}}} {return "\00304\x1f/\00308!\0034\\\003\x1f [name $who]: The preceding lines have been flagged by \x1fIRC NANNY\x1f as \"\x02[lindex_random $::adjective]\x02\". Please consult [name] first and have him check the content before opening. \[\002This channel protected by \x1fIrCNaNNY by ArabSoft v14.88\x1f\002\]";}
|
||
proc STdeadcat {} {vflip [STcat]}
|
||
proc ultraheinz {} {smega [. http://cache.lifehacker.com/software/uploaded/2005-09-06/erica_sadun.jpg]}
|
||
proc nigx {} {. "(: Virgin Lolita Last Night go to BAR. Pizza man FUCKED to toilet. All of there blood. See you Photo visit=>> http://pizzasex.nigx.ne/"}
|
||
proc liddy {} {. "Now if the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms comes to disarm you and they are bearing arms, resist them with arms. Go for a head shot; they're going to be wearing bulletproof vests. They've got a big target on there, ATF. Don't shoot at that, because they've got a vest on underneath that. Head shots, head shots. Kill the sons of bitches."}
|
||
proc kember {str {color {}}} {set color [or $color [?? {13 10 8 6 3}]]; join [map [split $str] {word {pick 1 [list . [color white on $color] $word [color]] 2 [list . $word]}}]}
|
||
proc frotamid {} {join [times 7 [. [embed [ajoin " " [STdance] [oldflip [STdance]]] "_ _" 4 2]]] \n}
|
||
proc master_stat {} { master_print_stat [nick]; }
|
||
proc norse_poem1 {} { join [ repeat 8 {norseline} ] " / " }
|
||
proc future_date {} {clock format [expr {int(rand()*378691200)+[clock seconds]}] -gmt true -format "%A, %B %d, %Y"}
|
||
proc cockscale {} { inject [map [zip [getnuniq 3 name] [seq 2 0]] {{x y} {. $x\n[flip [ncock [* 4 $y]]]}}] "" {{x o} {ajoin " " $x $o}} }
|
||
proc comput txt { set str1 [string range $txt 0 8]; set str2 [string range $txt 9 15]; set str3 [string range $txt 16 24]; embed [STcompu] ${str1}\n${str2}\n${str3} 8 3 }
|
||
proc imgup url { set sid [imgur_get_sid]; . http://i.imgur.com/[last [regexp -inline {"hash":"(.+?)"} [unlist [http post http://imgur.com/upload "current_upload=1&total_uploads=1&gallery_submit=false&gallery_type=&forceAnonymous=false&sid=$sid&create_album=0&album_title=none&layout=b&catify=0&url=$url&edit_url=0 "]]]].jpg }
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/^&(.*)(#\d+)/} {matches cmd args} {. $matches}
|
||
proc gays? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::gay_count]]] gays}
|
||
proc onenight {} {return "One night in [city] when me and my [lindex_random {friends mates buddies pals}] were getting ready to [lindex_random {"go out" fuck}] we decided to throw [food_word] off the apartment balcony"}
|
||
proc imgur imgurl {last [regexp -inline {rel="image_src"\s+?href="([^"]+)"} [wget_follow http://imgur.com/upload?url=[urlencode $imgurl]]]}
|
||
proc gc_distance {pos1 pos2} {
|
||
set pi 3.1415926535
|
||
set lat1 [deg2rad [lindex $pos1 0]]
|
||
set lon1 [deg2rad [lindex $pos1 1]]
|
||
set lat2 [deg2rad [lindex $pos2 0]]
|
||
set lon2 [deg2rad [lindex $pos2 1]]
|
||
set theta [expr $lon2 - $lon1]
|
||
set dist [expr acos((sin($lat1) * sin($lat2)) + (cos($lat1) * cos($lat2) * cos($theta)))]
|
||
if {$dist < 0} {
|
||
set dist [expr $dist + $pi]
|
||
}
|
||
expr $dist * 3958.9
|
||
}
|
||
proc snoe {} {apply [?? {wet rainbow pink stampsay savagesay pyramid rain pooify gudrize niggerize chinkerize americanize chinkerize colorize lacist columnize corrinize csam_dikkyize csammize underscoreize gayflagify grapefruitize {image-say [gis [random_word]]} {image-say [pt [random_word]]} }] {[snow]}}
|
||
proc parse_formatting {str {state {}}} {set e [empty_formatting];if {$state eq ""} {array set f $e} {array set f $state};set f(c) [set f(o) 0];switch -- [string index $str 0] { {regexp {^((\d*)(,(\d*))?)?} $str {} a b {} c;if {$a eq ""} {set f(fg) [set f(bg) -1]; set f(c) 1};if {!($b eq "")} {set f(fg) $b};if {!($c eq "")} {set f(bg) $c}} {set f(b) [expr !$f(b)]} {set f(u) [expr !$f(u)]} {set f(r) [expr !$f(r)]} {set f(o) 1}};array get f}
|
||
proc rand_webpage_line url {lindex_random [split [wrap [join [split [html [wget_to_first_h1 $url]] "\n"] " "] 60] "\n"]}
|
||
proc abezfixbot {} { subst "Hi there feel free to run: 'tcl seriously_be_careful_this_restarts_the_bot' if you need to restart the bot, but usually .addrandsn will work for you :O" }
|
||
proc rand_onion {} {set randstr ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=16} {incr i} {append randstr [?? $::onion_chars]}; return "$randstr"}
|
||
proc arabspam {} {}
|
||
proc shsc_thread {} {subst [lindex_random $::shsc_thread_dict]}
|
||
proc isdarren {{who {}}} {switch -regexp -- [hostmask [name $who]] { {\.(co|net)\.nz|jp$} { return "\0034[name $who] is a traitor to darrenism"; } {^arab@|^root@127\.0\.0\.1$} { return "[name $who] is arab\nnooooo"; } default { amat2 darren } } }
|
||
proc STfries {} { . " |\\ /| /|_/|\n |\\||-|\\||-/|/|\n \\\\|\\|//||///\n |\\/\\||//||||\n |||\\\\|/\\\\ ||\n | './\\_/.' |\n | .:. .:. |\n | : :: : |\n | : '' : |\n '.______.'"}
|
||
proc randreddit {{nsfw {}}} {
|
||
set headers [lindex [http head "https://www.reddit.com/r/rand[if {$nsfw != ""} {. nsfw} else {. om}]"] 1]; lookup2 location $headers
|
||
}
|
||
proc randomblakequalification {} {lindex_random $::blake_qualification}
|
||
proc lambda {v f a} {set r [list];foreach q $v {upvar $q $q};foreach $v $a {lappend r [uplevel $f]};join $r}
|
||
proc mitsuku str { . [^C]13[trim [strip_html [string map {{ } { } {xloadswf.} {} {xgallery.} {}} [string tolower [last [regexp -inline {<B> Mitsuku:</B> (.+?)<br>} [http post http://fiddle.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=def8d27a6e345a36&skin=mobile "botcust2=$::botcust2&message=[urlencode $str]" "Cookie: botcust2=$::botcust2"]]]]]]]}
|
||
proc lookup {} {. ip address for [hyphenate [random_word]][tld] is [fake_ip]}
|
||
proc cellphoneattack name {giga naw aimfish $name}
|
||
proc joker args {return "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCHJoh9ywlM#t=4m06s"}
|
||
proc bibleverse {b c s e} {set b [string map {{ } +} [capitalize $b]];set o [list];if {$e eq ""} {set n [expr $s+1];set e $s} {set n $e};set html [cwget http://quod.lib.umich.edu/cgi/k/kjv/kjv-idx?type=citation&book=$b&chapno=$c&startverse=$s&endverse=$n];foreach {m v t} [regexp -all -inline {<br>\[<b>(\d+)</b>\] ([^<]+)} $html] {if {$v >= $s && $v <= $e} {lappend o "\[[string map {+ { }} $b] $c:$v] $t"}};join $o \n}
|
||
proc autodox url { set id [last [regexp -inline {\d+_(\d+)_\d+_n.jpg} $url]]; fbid2name $id }
|
||
proc steve_dishonored {} {ajoin "" [stevegrave] [flip [STpeeinto]]}
|
||
proc smyd {} smd
|
||
proc managementreason {} {return [subst "We should [lindex_random {deploy implement provide}] [goon_word] because it'll increase the [shakti_word] of our services"]}
|
||
proc STdoczej {} {. " ______ \n ===(_)== \n | o o | \n ( 7 ) \n / '--' \\ \n \\____ .____/ \n __) (__ \n /\"`/`\\`V/`\\`\\ \n/ \\ `Y _/_ \\"}
|
||
proc delegate:single name { [car [info level 1]]:$name }
|
||
proc disgustdarren {} {return "darren: [gis [choose "sexy white woman" "pistol" "machine gun" "rifle" "american flag" "george bush" "pale blonde" "pale redhead" "fair skinned girl" "bill gates" "windows logo"]]"}
|
||
proc nimspace args {nimplink [eval "myspace_url $args"]}
|
||
proc aimfunnyjoke args { aim -n [aimname $args] [funnyjoke] }
|
||
proc bronyquote {} {bronysay [?? $::brony_quotes];}
|
||
proc chingchong {{length 20}} {join [map [seq 1 $length] {chingchong_char}] ""}
|
||
proc lastpoop {{nick {}}} {if {$nick eq ""} {set nick [nick]}; return [or [lindex [array get ::lastpoop $nick] 1] 0] }
|
||
proc boobies {} {return "!figlet:bubble oo"}
|
||
proc textmate {} {. still being rewritten}
|
||
proc games? {} {c for children}
|
||
proc trace:tree_depth proc {apply {set ttree} [. "\$::ttree_${proc}"]; . "Call depth for `\x1fproc $proc\x1f'; \002[first [lsort -unique -integer -decreasing [regexp -all -inline {[0-9]+} $ttree]]]\002"}
|
||
proc proofthatdarrenisarab {{who darren}} {return "<00:32.09 <@puntme> arab you ever play quest 64\n00:32.11 < [name $who]> huh no i never played that\n00:32.15 < [name $who]> not that i am arab\n";}
|
||
proc max_poopers {{count 0}} {set now [clock seconds]; if [expr $now - [cache_get_default poop last [expr $now - 30]] < 6 ] {return "$::max_poopers (potential poop abuse detected)"}; if [expr $count > $::max_poopers] {set ::max_poopers $count}; return $::max_poopers;}
|
||
proc alice {} {. git clone git://github.com/leedo/alice.git}
|
||
proc snow {{n {}}} {join [map [seq 1 [or $n [rand 100 200]]] {x {uchar [?? {2038 0331 030b 030a 0335 0327 0323 030c 0306 0303}]}}] {}}
|
||
proc shaffer {} {sunglassify [goonsay [knowher crater]]}
|
||
proc rev_parse revision {lindex [lindex [history $revision] 0] 0}
|
||
proc engimo {} {ajoin " " [jew] \n[engimo_name]}
|
||
proc urdad {} {bt urdad}
|
||
proc gappify {} { set ret [list]; foreach n [names] { lappend ret [gapp $n] }; join $ret \n }
|
||
proc tztroll {{args {}}} {if {$args eq ""} {. I love the twilight zone, I like the bit where [actor] [actor_action] best.} {. I love [join $args], I like the bit where [actor] [actor_action] best.}}
|
||
proc catbusname {} {set cc [concat $::disease_dict $::penis_dict $::drug_dict $::niggerwords $::jewnames $::jewsurnames $::::muslim_firstname]; set w [lindex_random [lsearch -inline -regexp -all $cc "\[aeiou\]t$"]]; set w [string map {{ } "-" "it" "at" "et" "at" "ot" "at" "ut" "at" } $w]; return "$wbus"; }
|
||
proc weedtime args {. It's time to _\|/_ ( .__.) . o O ( smoke weed )}
|
||
proc tera {cmd args} {smega [concat $cmd $args] 20}
|
||
proc kallecleanline {} {subst [lindex_random $::kallecleanlines]}
|
||
proc rails2 {} {. "Application Error (Rails)"}
|
||
proc unknown_lfilter_glob_or_regexp {list pattern} {set ret [list]; foreach i $list {if [unknown_match_glob_or_regexp $i $pattern] {lappend ret $i}}; return $ret}
|
||
proc sweetballs {{who {}}} {ajoin " " "\n[join [lrange [split [STcock] \n] 0 2] \n]\n / |\n[flip [STass]]" "[sperm 1]\n\n\n\n SWEETBALLS\n FOR [string toupper [name $who]]"}
|
||
proc rails3 {} {. "script/generate [choose model controller migration] [CamelCase [crw_word]]"}
|
||
proc char c {if [catch {regsub -all {\*} [decode $::alphabet([string toupper $c])] " "} err] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]} {return $err}}
|
||
proc jsync pname {return "tcl [inspect $pname]"}
|
||
proc boss {} {. [img-boss] [aud-boss]}
|
||
proc rainpyramid {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[rainbow [pyramid $who]]"}
|
||
proc chat {} {return "no [sex_act] [strip_u [fetish_porn]] in computer chat pls"}
|
||
proc days_since_mac_mini_update {} {curse_you_steve "Mac mini"}
|
||
proc exclusive {} {string toupper "[political_figure] was behind [historical_event], reports [source]"}
|
||
proc namethecolor args {. "Name the color in which the word is written\: [color [lindex_random $::color_names] on black][lindex_random $::color_names]"}
|
||
proc george {} fastmystery
|
||
proc delgex args {delegate $args}
|
||
proc megadrive {} {. "The Sega Mega Drive (á¬Éé¤Ö Mega Doraibu?) is a 16-bit video game console released by Sega in Japan in 1988, North America in 1989, and the PAL region in 1990. It was sold under the name Sega Genesis in North America as Sega was unable to secure legal rights to the Mega Drive name in that region. The Mega Drive was Sega's fifth home console and the successor to the"}
|
||
proc longcharity {} {return "the Society of [string totitle [adjective]] [state] [string totitle [ethnic_group]] Against [choose Childhood Geriatric Fetal Sudden Fatal] [string totitle [disease_word]]"}
|
||
proc STfathead {} {fathead 1}
|
||
proc bj_finish {} { return [bj_done]; }
|
||
proc lastfm:setname {name lastfm} {set ::lastfmnamemap($lastfm) $name}
|
||
proc htmlbin str { . http://irc.gangnet.org/pastes/[last [http post http://irc.gangnet.org/paste.php?html=1 s=[urlencode $str]]].html }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^(.+)goon$/} {matches cmd args} {phpgoon [default $args {}] [last $matches]}
|
||
proc dole_init_all {} {foreach x {[names]} {set ::doletimer($x) [clock seconds];set ::dole_signons($x) 0;};return {error:};}
|
||
proc wet_xmas args {set str [strip_all [join $args]]; if {[string length $str] > 1400} {error "too long, spic"}; set prefixes [list \n {} \n \n\n]; set args [list]; set i 0; foreach c [split $str {}] {if {$c eq " "} {lappend args " "} {lappend args [lindex $prefixes [expr {$i % 4}]][exmas $c]; incr i}}; eval [concat [list ajoin " "] $args]}
|
||
proc ubuntu_pua {} {subst [string map {pua_object ubuntu_version pua_verb ubuntu_verb} [?? $::pua_anecdotes]]}
|
||
proc frightenpuntme {} {return "puntme: [gis [choose "rotten peaches" "ice immigration" "minutemen border"]]"}
|
||
proc fixbazooka2 {} {eval "proc bazooka \{\} \{return \"\\ __________________________ ______________\n-|_________________________________| = = - -|==== _______ >\n / / _ | / /\n\n/ /_//_/ nigga where my bazooka be at\"\}"}
|
||
proc FAGS {} {your all FGS}
|
||
proc bristollookup args {or [last [lindex $::stoollookup [expr int($args) - 1]]] [buttes_stool_line]}
|
||
proc nist_rand {{when {}}} {if {$when eq ""} {set when [clock scan "8 hours ago"]};set ret 0;set i 0; foreach x [lrange [hex2dec [last [regexp -inline {<outputValue>(.*?)</outputValue>} [wget https://beacon.nist.gov/rest/record/$when]]]] 0 4] {set ret [expr int($ret + ($x * pow(16,$i)))];incr i;}; return $ret}
|
||
proc new_rss_data rssfeed { set key feed:[sha1 $rssfeed]; set val [cache_get_default rss $key {}]; set rssdata [rss_data_get $rssfeed]; set results [difference $rssdata $val]; cache put rss $key $rssdata; return $results}
|
||
proc cplot {n x y {c █}} {ccc $n [2dsetchar [ccc $n] $x $y $c]}
|
||
proc weify string {string map {"I " "WE " "I'M" "WE'RE" " AM " " ARE " "MINE" "OURS" " MY" " OUR" "I'VE" "WE'VE" "I'D" "WE'D" "WAS" "WERE" " ME" " US"} [string toupper $string]}
|
||
proc image-grindian url {magick-scale-composite-bottom-left $url http://imgur.com/mTw0c.png 1.0}
|
||
proc aquaintance_word {} acquaintance_word
|
||
proc boat? {} {. [wet [choose {I'm on a boat} {at kinko's}]]}
|
||
proc raw_fahrenheit {} {regexp -line {([0-9]+\.?[0-9]*|\.[0-9]+)} [myt] t; . $t}
|
||
proc aimfunds args {aim -n [aimname $args] [funds]}
|
||
proc lastfm:namemap name {set res $name;catch {set res $::lastfmnamemap($name)}; return $res }
|
||
proc alien {{name Alien}} {return "<[name $name]> nobody likes [element_word]"}
|
||
proc hangman {} {return " |------| BLRQJPX\n | |\n \\0/ |\n | |\n / \\ |\n |\n------------\n I TRI_D TO F_CK\n A WHIT_ WOMAN"}
|
||
proc gaywhale {} {gayflagify [failwhale]}
|
||
proc STcockjet {} {. " _ \n /\\)\n / /\n __-- /_\n_--\'\' / / \'\'_\n\'\'\'\'\'\'/ /\'\'\'\'\'\'\n ___/ /\n \'-( Y)\n \"\" \n "}
|
||
proc is_jakk_high {} {if {[expr ([clock seconds] - [clock scan [@jack_smoked_at]])] > 7200} {. jakk is not high} {. jakk is high}}
|
||
proc aflip what {ajoin "" [. $what\n[vflip $what]] [. [flip $what]\n[vflip [flip $what]]]}
|
||
proc slackuser {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> i'm gay"}
|
||
proc master_score_clear i { array set ::mastermind_score [list $i 0]; return 0;}
|
||
proc urbandictionary args {each {word definition example} {{x} {_dict_get [first [_dict_get [json2dict [http://api.urbandictionary.com/v0/define?term=[uplevel {urlencode $args}]]] list]] $x}}}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/time in (.+)\s*$/i} {} {}
|
||
proc nameacro {} {randacro [next_random_in_list [names]]}
|
||
proc megagbs {} {subst [join [string repeat {[gbs] } 5] \n]}
|
||
proc pisseveryoneoff {} {giga {gudrize [names]}}
|
||
proc test str {set out ""; foreach line [split $str \n] { for {set i 0} {$i < [string length $line]} {expr $i+2} {append out [string index $line $i]}; append out \n};. $out }
|
||
proc randhello {} {eval [lindex_random [info procs hello*]]}
|
||
proc savagenord {} {savagesay I DIDNT EVEN [string toupper [swede_act_word]] [string toupper [swede_word]]}
|
||
proc kittie {} {return "http://img356.imageshack.us/img356/9342/gooncamp200101sd2.jpg"}
|
||
proc unplural {{what {}}} {return [regsub -nocase {men} [regsub -nocase {s$} $what {}] {man}]}
|
||
proc goon_recipe_title {method food} {return [string toupper "*** $method $food (serves 1) ***"]}
|
||
proc omgtotem {{text omg!}} {return " __ \n /..\\ \n omg! \\O_/ \n /..\\ \n \\_O/ omg! \n /..\\ \n omg! \\O_/ \n /..\\ \n \\_O/ $text"}
|
||
proc heathers args { set args [getnuniq 3 name $args]; . [lindex $args 0]: I rarely listen to neanderthals like [lindex $args 1], but he said that he and [lindex $args 2] had a nice little [deverb [crw_word]] in your mouth last night.}
|
||
proc metal_frot {} {draw {00000011110000111100011111 111110100010010000100001 100000100010010000100001 100000111100010000100001 111100100010010000100001 100000100010010000100001 100000100010001111000001 1 100000000010000000000001 000000100000000000000001 1}}
|
||
proc bigmatix {} {pyramid [pyramid [spew]]}
|
||
proc buttesmandala {} { aflip [randart] }
|
||
proc mike_count {} {llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::mikes_count]]}
|
||
proc santa args {xmas [cpchart]}
|
||
proc racistname name { ?? [array_get_default racistmap $name {}] }
|
||
proc thingie {cmd str} { set ok [eval $cmd]; m [nlsplit $str] {x {. [string repeat { } [next_in_list $ok]]$x }} \n }
|
||
proc cyberneticMonster args {string map {Fags JEWS PUNTME INCOG CHATZILLA {THE CYBERNETIC MONSTER}} [chatzilla]}
|
||
proc meirl {} {. [de-buttes [subst [?? $::fml_images]]] me irl}
|
||
proc arotate270 v {arotate [arotate180 $v]}
|
||
proc avatar-say {avatar text {orient L}} {set t [wrap $text 30]; magick_scheme [gen-avatar-say-code $avatar $text $orient [~make_speech_balloon [llength [lines $t]]]]}
|
||
proc sa_thread_index threadid {lsearch -exact -integer [sa_thread_ids] $threadid}
|
||
proc phpradium {} {. From a computer science standpoint, PHP is a terrible language and I have little respect for it. But as a product, PHP has proven itself dependable, performs well, is easy to learn/deploy/maintain, and works as advertised. It is a [b]good product[b].}
|
||
proc annoyeveryone args {apply pisseveryoneoff $args}
|
||
proc removeAutism_thisOnlyWorksOn~*Procedures*~WithSingleNonEmptyArg proc {set newname "$proc[. __deaut]";set niggerdeath "[regsub {^.*?\{} [string map "$proc $newname" [inspect $proc]] "&more_php {"]}"; uplevel 0 $niggerdeath}
|
||
proc tfln {} {set html [unescape_html_entities [http://textsfromlastnight.com/Random-Texts-From-Last-Night.html]]; set thetext [html [strip_html [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<p>(.*?)</p>} $html] 1]]]; . $thetext}
|
||
proc STknight {} { return " |\n |\n + \\\n \\\\.G_.*=.\n `(H'/.\\|\n .>' (_--.\n _=/d ,^\\\n ~~ \\)-' '\n / |\n ' '\n"}
|
||
proc gayflagify_reset lineheight {
|
||
set bg $::gayflag_bg;
|
||
set fg $::gayflag_fg;
|
||
if {$lineheight > 1} {
|
||
set bg [apply nzip [times $lineheight $bg]];
|
||
set fg [apply nzip [times $lineheight $fg]];
|
||
};
|
||
if {[cache exists next_in_list [sha1 $fg]]} {
|
||
cache delete next_in_list [sha1 $fg]
|
||
};
|
||
if {[cache exists next_in_list [sha1 $bg]]} {
|
||
cache delete next_in_list [sha1 $bg]
|
||
};
|
||
}
|
||
proc depuny str {~http://givingin.org/unicode/$str}
|
||
proc building1 {} { draw {11111 10101 11111 10101 11111 10101 11111 10101 11111 10101 11111} }
|
||
proc str2hex {str {sep {\x}}} {set out {}; foreach char [split $str ""] {append out "$sep[format %.2x [scan $char %c]]"}; . $out }
|
||
proc muslimname {} {return "[muslim_firstname] [muslim_firstname] [choose abd- al- el- ibn-][muslim_firstname]"}
|
||
proc zuluname {} {lindex_random $::zulu_name}
|
||
proc macsux {} {stampsay -s fullcsammis PCs are better than Macs. That is not something that can be debated.}
|
||
proc kidpornstar {} {lindex_random $::kidpornstar_dict}
|
||
proc v%ifx args { global {v:ifx}; set args [join ${args}]; join [subst ${v:ifx}] }
|
||
proc rand_color {} {set colors {08,04 12,10 08,01 01,13 09,01 11,12 11,03}; return "[lindex $colors [rand [llength $colors]]]"}
|
||
proc motto {} {return "[banner "Welcome to #buttes, home of [strip_u [fetish_porn]]"]"}
|
||
proc dave_thomas {} baconator
|
||
proc rss_headlines url {map1 [odd_elm [rss_parse_feed [wget $url]]] html}
|
||
proc STvikinghat {} { return " /),--.(\\ \n ((/....\\)) \n :======: ";}
|
||
proc unknown:6:cmd(find_command) {match args} {uplevel 1 [concat [list $match] [lrange $args 1 end]]}
|
||
proc song args { . "[__song $args]\n$::gangcopyright" }
|
||
proc soly {} {return "ghetto black girl haircut business at cc"}
|
||
proc saycroatia {{propa {}}} {set wstring ""; for { set i 1 } { $i<=([string length $propa]+6) } { incr i } { append wstring " " } ; return "[color red on red]$wstring\n[color red on white] [name $propa] \n[color blue on blue]$wstring"}
|
||
proc lastfm:user html {lastfm:urlfilter [regsub {^/user/} [regexp -inline {/user/[^"\/]+} $html] {}]}
|
||
proc cfjord {} {string map {* \ *\ } [ajoin "" "\n\n[uchar 2708][color red]*[color]" [STvikingboat] "\n\n THX FOR FLYING FJORD!\n 9/11 NEVER CONNECT"]}
|
||
proc rcolorize str {colourise $str [gen_palette $str]}
|
||
proc magick_debug {cmd id args} {. http://willstclair.com/magick/magick.rb?[?2 cmd $cmd id $id args [join [string map {"," "%2C"} $args] ,]]}
|
||
proc welcome args {
|
||
set i [lsearch -exact $args to]
|
||
set w [bgbt to [channel]]
|
||
if {$args eq ""} {
|
||
set n [bgbt [name]]
|
||
} elseif {$i == -1} {
|
||
set n [bgbt [join $args]]
|
||
} else {
|
||
set n [bgbt [join [lrange $args 0 [expr $i-1]]]]
|
||
set w [bgbt to [join [lrange $args [expr $i+1] end]]]
|
||
}
|
||
return [join [list $n [bgbt welcome] $w] "\n \n"]
|
||
}
|
||
proc overheardintoronto {} {set one [canadian_object]; set two [canadian_object]; if {$one eq $two} {append one " #1"; append two " #2"}; return "$one: [choose [canada] [welcometocanada]]\n$two: [string map {"." ", eh?" "?" " eh?" "out" "oot"} [[choose albot niggerphrase cached_onehug mystic]]]\n$one: [string map {"." ", eh?" "?" " eh?" "out" "oot"} [overheardline]]"}
|
||
proc extract_title args { html [join [last [regexp -inline -nocase {<title>(.*?)</title>} $args]]] }
|
||
proc rand_string2 loops {set randstr ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=$loops} {incr i} {append randstr [rand_char2]}; return "$randstr"}
|
||
proc topchats {{hours 24}} { set a [chatstat $hours]; set b [string map "### [string toupper [channel]]" $::frogstat]; map $a {x { set n [strip_all [first $x]]; set b [regsub {%%%} $b [. [join [explode $n] \u200b] [string repeat . [- 21 [string length $n]]] [second $x] lines]] }}; regsub { TODAY} [string map {%%% {}} $b] "(past $hours hours)" }
|
||
proc STboger {} {return " OOOOOOOOOOO\n OO(--\[ .\]-\[ .\]\n OO(_______O__)"}
|
||
proc rand_comic {} {embed [ajoin " " [rand_comic_frame] [rand_comic_frame]] jgs 75 14}
|
||
proc mantits {} {caption [gis man tits] <aenima> man tits are hot}
|
||
proc todo:add args {todo:addnew [nick] $args;}
|
||
proc mytempo {{name {}}} {. [name $name] likes it [?? [list long short]], [?? [list hard soft]], and [?? [list fast slow]]}
|
||
proc gupshupcorner {{chat {}}} { if {$chat eq ""} {set chat [channel]}; return "$chat Offers Pakistani Chat Room for Pakistani People so they can easily and comfortably Enjoy Online Chat with their Pakistani Friends."}
|
||
proc knowher {{word {}}} {if {$word eq ""} {set word [word er$]}; return "$word? I don't even know her!"}
|
||
proc gaynews {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://www.poz.com/services/xml/rss/rss_1.xml]]]}
|
||
proc WHOSE args {if {$args eq "STREETS"} {return "OUR STREETS"}}
|
||
proc aimf_recentdeaths args {aimify recentdeaths $args}
|
||
proc splode what {ajoin " " [aflip $what] [ajoin " " [aflip "$what \n"] [aflip "$what \n\n"]]}
|
||
proc spew {{n 62}} {return [subst [regsub -all {\s+} [gudrize [split [string repeat \ $n] {}]] {[rand_char]}]]}
|
||
proc jonnii {} {biggaytext "shut up"}
|
||
proc buyers_guide product {if {[catch {array set products [buyers_guide_data]; array set info $products($product); return "Last Release: $info(Last Release)\nDays Since Update: $info(Days Since Update)\nRecommendation: [bold]$info(Recommendation)[bold]"} ret] == 1} {error "must be one of \"[join [buyers_guide_products] "\", \""]\""} {return $ret}}
|
||
proc plural word {regsub {ys$} [regsub {ixs$} [regsub {ss$} [strcat $word s] {ses}] {ices}] {ies}}
|
||
proc bigspamtext str {set str [string trim $str]; join [adjacent_join [map1 [map1 [split $str {}] gaychar] nsplit]] \n}
|
||
proc ultragay args {return "[rainbow [string toupper [name $args]]] [pink IS] BLACK ULTRA GAY!"}
|
||
proc master_win {i a b c d} { if { [master_gete $i 0] == $a && [master_gete $i 1] == $b && [master_gete $i 2] == $c && [master_gete $i 3] == $d } { return 1; } else { return 0; } }
|
||
proc ceval_stats {} {cache_stats ceval}
|
||
proc shakti_adjective args {lindex_random $::shakti_adj_dict}
|
||
proc rucas_simulator_early_access {} {check rude same true ~~}
|
||
proc idected who {return "]IsraelDetect(tM)[ WARNING The presence of a jewish citizen of Israel has been detected in the vicinity of $who."}
|
||
proc audiolaugh {{size 0}} {if {$size == 0} {set size [rand 5 10]}; apply audioconcat [repeat $size {?? {http://prettybrd.com/au/e5ad919c904985757a9924b7ba00d2c4.mp3 http://prettybrd.com/au/169ce4e48833a3a3d986a3a8b478b55f.mp3}}]}
|
||
proc circle_word_swastika str { join [map1 [split [word_swastika $str] \n] circle_letters] \n }
|
||
proc cockesfm {{group buttes}} {drawtable2 [map [lastfm:GetListenersHTML $group] {html {list [fixnick [lastfm:namemap [lastfm:user $html]]] [lastfm:artist $html] [lastfm:track $html] {}}}] {{white on red} {blue on yellow} {white on blue}} [subst -nocommands {[apply color [next_in_list {{white on orange} {white on green} {white on violet}}]] 卐 }]}
|
||
proc nsplit2 {str {n 128}} {set out [list]; for {set i 0} {$i < [string length $str]} {incr i $n} { lappend out [string range $str $i [+ $i [- $n 1]]] }; . $out }
|
||
proc image-driver url { magick_overlay $url http://imgur.com/PkqxP.png }
|
||
proc 5words {} {return "I have nothing to say."}
|
||
proc text {func str} {set str [string trim $str]; if {[string length $str] > 30} {error "too long, faggot"}; join [adjacent_join [map1 [map1 [split $str {}] $func] nsplit]] \n}
|
||
proc procname argsgohere {body goes here}
|
||
proc aidsbee {} {. " I hope __\n you get stung // \\\nby a bee with aids! \\\\_/ //\n ''-.._.-''-.._.. -(||)(')\n '''"}
|
||
proc ourshit {} {lindex_random $::ourshit}
|
||
proc nick2twit nick { join [map $::tweeters {x { if {[inlist $nick [first $x]] > -1} { return [second $x] } }}] "" }
|
||
proc inaporn args {return "rwxr-xr-x+ 1 [nick] [nick] 7[rand 99]MB July 4 12:45 [string map {" " "_"} [tranny_word]]_[string map {" " "_"} [sex_act]]_[string map {" " "_"} $args]-XXX-DVD-RIP-xCLIT.avi"}
|
||
proc image-tuxpaint-bbq url { magick_scheme [tuxpaint-bbq-gen $url]}
|
||
proc delgex:what huh {. lol}
|
||
proc tellweev {} {. Welcome to the BeyondWalls inmate communication system, [nick]. To initiate a conversation with an inmate, you must first register yourself with the PAGGA screening system by connecting to irc.arabs.ps and joining the channel #arab.}
|
||
proc leisuretown {} {?? [evens [lines [300~http://interglacial.com/~sburke/pub/prose/Tristan_Farnon_Overdrive/leisuretown.fortune.txt]]]}
|
||
proc bigtext2 str {text char2 $str}
|
||
proc supdawg puts HelloWorld
|
||
proc koshersalami {} {return { _.----.
|
||
.----------------" / / \
|
||
( KOSHERSALAMI | | |) |
|
||
`----------------._\ \ /
|
||
"----' egg
|
||
HOLY SHIT !!! IT FEELS JUST LIKE A REAL PUSSY !!!!
|
||
WAIT THIS IS JUST A NORMAL FLASHLIGHT OW OW OW OW
|
||
I NEED SUTURES AND A HUG STAT }}
|
||
proc ydick {} {overlay [flip [ncock 5]] [ncock 7]}
|
||
proc ohwow {} {head 8 [lmoot \n[lmiot \n]]}
|
||
proc circle_letters {{str {stop unicode abuse}}} { join [map1 [mapx [split [regsub -all {[^a-z0-9 ]} [lc $str] { }] ""] x {string map $::unicode_abuse_map $x}] uchar] " "}
|
||
proc stoners? {} {c [llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::stoner_count]]] stoners}
|
||
proc niggertoss {} {return "[niggercoin]"}
|
||
proc nc_al {} {. Albot: [subst [lindex_random $::al_nig]]}
|
||
proc moirafund {} {return "donate to moira's liquor fund, paypal cwhite@gmail.com"}
|
||
proc mmaevent {} { . "[mmaeventintro]\nFor our MAIN EVENT OF THE NIGHT we have [fullfighterintro], challenging the [rand 0 40]-[rand 0 40] [weightclass] Champion and dangerous [martialartist] [mmafighter] for the title here at [string toupper [crw_word]] [rand 1 100] in Las Vegas.\nWe are [broadcast]\nI'm Mike Goldberg and with me as always is Joe Rogan."}
|
||
proc matter {} {return [lindex_random $::matter]}
|
||
proc alias_proc {new old} {if {[lsearch -exact [info commands] $new] != -1} {error "can't create alias \"$new\": command already exists"}; if {[lsearch -exact [info commands] $old] == -1} {error "unknown command \"$old\""}; proc $new args "apply [list $old] \$args"}
|
||
proc oaks {} {return "< oaks > w0rd up. just chillin, sharing some [penispix_word] with [loser_word]s on [internet_word]."}
|
||
proc Zonurus {} {pick 1 {. PUNTME PICKS FRUIT} 10 {. !Zonurus tcl Zonurus}}
|
||
proc spic {} wetback
|
||
proc prettylol {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> that's pretty lol"}
|
||
proc next_in_list list {set key [sha1 $list]; if ![cache exists next_in_list $key] {set index 0} else {set index [expr {[cache get next_in_list $key] + 1}]; if {$index >= [llength $list]} {set index 0}}; cache put next_in_list $key $index; lindex $list $index}
|
||
proc kmdreal {} {chinkerize [kmdeal]}
|
||
proc twatname nick {if [info exists ::twatmap($nick)] {return $::twatmap($nick)} {return $nick}}
|
||
proc natalia {} {string map {Babylon Russia} {And upon her forehead was a name written a mystery: Babylon The Great, the mother of harlots and abominations of the Earth.}}
|
||
proc englishtown {} {return "[capitalize [string map {" " "" "'" ""} [random_word]]][lindex_random $::englishtownsuffices]"}
|
||
proc rawvegan {} {?? $::raw_vegan_dict}
|
||
proc lowfive args {lo5 $args}
|
||
proc nerdman {} {tail 1 [s/@.*\n/\n/g [@coffeemanmatt#[expr 1 + [rand 200]]]]}
|
||
proc justwords {} {return "[crw_word]...just words?"}
|
||
proc STtulip {} { return " |\\/\\/| \n | || | \n \\LJ/ \n || __ \n ||/_/ ";}
|
||
proc twitteratio:counts username {let {matches {list [lindex $matches 1] [lindex $matches 3]}} [string map {, {}} [regexp -all -inline {<span id="follow(?:er|ing)_count"[^>]*>([^<]+)</span>} [http://twitter.com/$username]]]}
|
||
proc mel_gibson {} {return "[omg] GIVE ME BACK MY SON"}
|
||
proc whatis args {lindex [regexp -inline {<font color=#008000>(.*?)</font><br><font size=-1>} [wget http://localghost.us/cgi-bin/google.rb?q=[urlescape [join $args]]]] 1}
|
||
proc stock_info_goog_old args {
|
||
set symbols [join $args]
|
||
set symbols [string toupper $symbols]
|
||
set url "http://www.google.com/finance?[? q [join [concat $symbols {.IXIC .DJI}]]]"
|
||
set html [120~$url]
|
||
set finance_data [last [regexp -inline {google.finance.data = (.*);\n} $html]]
|
||
set data [last [regexp -inline {rows:\[({.*?})\]} $finance_data]]
|
||
set rows [odds [regexp -all -inline {{id:.*?,values:\[([^{}]*)\]}} $data]]
|
||
set info [list]
|
||
set offset [if {[llength $args] > 1} {. 2} else {. 0}]
|
||
|
||
foreach row $rows {
|
||
set values [split $row ","]
|
||
foreach {name index} {
|
||
symbol 0
|
||
name 1
|
||
last_trade 2
|
||
change 3
|
||
change_rate 5
|
||
market_cap 8
|
||
} {
|
||
set real_index [if {$index > 1} {expr $index + $offset} else {. $index}]
|
||
set i($name) [string trim [lindex $values $real_index] {"}]
|
||
}
|
||
if {! [string match "-*" $i(change_rate)]} {set i(change_rate) "+$i(change_rate)"}
|
||
|
||
if {[lsearch -exact $symbols $i(symbol)] != -1} {
|
||
lappend info [array get i]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
|
||
return $info
|
||
}
|
||
proc aimf_onenight args {aimify onenight $args}
|
||
proc spin {} {stampsay -s david [dreidel]}
|
||
proc STtard {} {. [ST_tard1] [ST_tard2] [ST_tard3]}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)quote$/} {matches cmd {ticker cat}} {[last $matches]back [string map {+ {UP } - {DOWN }} [strip_all [stock $ticker]]]}
|
||
proc rollerstoner args {if {$args eq ""} {set args "pov rollercoaster"}; image-stoner [gis $args]}
|
||
proc huge_w/e {} {sdraw $::huge_moira_image}
|
||
proc %ponies {} { more {. $::ponies}}
|
||
proc chatnews_ {{n 3}} { m [lrange [shuf [tweeters]] 0 [- $n 1]] {x {ltweet $x}} "\n \n" }
|
||
proc magick_trans_canvas-gen {w h} {return "(resize (image [magick_id http://churchturing.org/x/trans100x100.png]) $w $h)" }
|
||
proc knowhim {{word {}}} {if {$word == ""} {set word [word "im$"]}; string map {her him} [knowher $word]}
|
||
proc janitor {} {join [list [bt information] "\n \n" [bt technology] "\n \n" [bt janitor]] ""}
|
||
proc round what {format "%.2f" $what;}
|
||
proc movie {} {lindex_random $::movies}
|
||
proc acquaintance_word {} {return [lindex_random $::acquaintances]}
|
||
proc pynchon2 {} {ajoin " " [cswas] [ncock 5] [cswas]}
|
||
proc sapho {} {. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. \nIt is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,\nthe hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning.\nIt is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.}
|
||
proc difference {a b} { select $a {i {not [include? $b $i]}}}
|
||
proc fatkanye {} { stampsay -s kanyegoon "[kanyelyrics], [fatgoonmeal]" }
|
||
proc _fastmystery2 {{who {}}} {set mysteryproc [lindex_random [info procs]]; if {$who eq ""} { if {[llength [info args $mysteryproc]] < 1 } { set mysteryresult [eval $mysteryproc]; return "$mysteryresult" } else { fastmystery2 }} else { if {[llength [info args $mysteryproc]] == 1 } { set mysteryresult [$mysteryproc $who]; return "$mysteryresult" } else { [fastmystery2 $who] }}}
|
||
proc master_games_played {{n {}}} {if {$n eq ""} {set n [nick]};set l [master_get_stat $n];set s 0;foreach k $l {set s [expr $s+$k]};return $s}
|
||
proc honourary {} {join [mapx [lrepeat x [expr int(rand()*3)+1]] x {lindex_random $::honourary_dict}] ", "}
|
||
proc Ulf {{text {unicode abuser}}} {unicode_abuse $text}
|
||
proc epicbattle2 {who1 who2} { subst " EPIC BATTLE ROYALE !!!!\n[ajoin " " "[[choose chins fathead_chins] 2]\n[*word] [name $who1]" "\n\nVS" "[flip [[choose chins fathead_chins] 2]\n[*word] [name $who2]"]\n WHO WILL WIN!" }
|
||
proc onnotice:push what {set ::onnotice_list [lreplace [linsert $::onnotice_list 0 $what] end end]}
|
||
proc image-recurse {f url {n 2}} {if {$n == 0} { return $url; } { return [image-recurse $f [apply ~$f $url] [- $n 1]]; } }
|
||
proc cutbackifyyoff url {set sized [magick resize_to_fit [magick grayscale $url] 63 79]; set dims [get_image_size $sized]; set x [lindex $dims 0]; set y [lindex $dims 1]; set xoff 0; set yoff 0; if [expr $x < 63] {set xoff [expr (63-$x)/2]}; if [expr $y < 79] {set yoff [expr (79-$y)/2]}; expr 11 + $yoff }
|
||
proc rndtcl_set {} {return "set [rndtcl_identifier] [rndtcl_expression 1]"}
|
||
proc akrom args {eval "jizzcumm2 $args"}
|
||
proc namerandacro {} { randacro [join [split [names] " |1234567890_"] ""]}
|
||
proc gypsies? {} { c [gypsy_count] gypsies }
|
||
proc andrewgodoy {{color 08,05}} {embed [cblock $color 59 3] [. \x03$color\x02\x1f/!\\\x1f ANDREW GODOY FINGERS HIS ASSHOLE LIVE ON CAMERA \x1f/!\\\x1f\x02\x03] 3 2;}
|
||
proc biggaygudrow {} {biggaytext [gudrow_word]}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/jbs/ args {error "Bus Error"; wget http://www.google.com/intl/en_ALL/images/logos/video_logo_lg.gif}
|
||
proc procout {} {subst [lindex_random [uplevel {info proc *}]]}
|
||
proc niggertown {} {set ff {{[capitalize [niggerword]sville]} {Mt. [capitalize [niggerword]]} {The [capitalize [niggerword]] Seas} {The [capitalize [fecal_shape]] [capitalize [niggerword]] Plains}}; return [subst [lindex_random $ff]];}
|
||
proc firstword {{wordup {[random_word]}}} {set wordup [name [subst $wordup]]; return "<\ oclet>\ i think $wordup was my first word"}
|
||
proc darcs {} { . at least with darcs you get [shakti_word] }
|
||
proc master_average {{n {}}} {if {$n eq ""} {set n [nick]};set l [master_get_stat $n];set s 0.0;set g 0.0;foreach k [seq 0 19] {set s [expr $s+($k+1)*[lindex $l $k]];set g [expr $g+[lindex $l $k]]};format "%.2f" [expr $s/$g]}
|
||
proc camelCase args {string_first tolower [apply CamelCase $args]}
|
||
proc STslap {} {join {{ _.-._ } { | | | |_ } { | | | | | } { | | | | | } { _ | '-._ | } { \`\`-.'-._; } { \ ' |} { \ .` / } {jgs | |}} {
|
||
}}
|
||
proc STdavid {} david
|
||
proc blackjack_dealt {} { if {[llength [blackjack_get_player dealer]]>0} { return 1; } else { return 0;} }
|
||
proc dinosaurs? {} { gudrows? }
|
||
proc rotwt {twat {a {}}} {lindex [http post $::churl twat $twat nick [nick] acct $a c #onebutan] 2 }
|
||
proc _gayagenda {{n 5}} { set starttime [+ [rand 6] 9]; return "GAY AGENDA:\n[join [mapx [szip [seq $starttime [+ [- $n 1] $starttime]] [getnuniq $n gayagenda:event]] x {ajoin " " " " [gayagenda:time [car $x]] ":" [wrap [upper [cadr $x]] 30]}] \n]"}
|
||
proc canada_city {} {?? $::canada_cities}
|
||
proc irony {} {return "<hello> weasel: that wasn't much of a troll, ace"}
|
||
proc smile args { set eye [format %c [expr [rand 93] + 33]]; if {[llength $args] != 0} { set eye [lindex $args 0] } {}; set smile_parts {}; lappend smile_parts $eye; lappend smile_parts [string repeat [lindex_random $::smile_mouth_parts] [rand 15]]; lappend smile_parts $eye; extend_smile [join $smile_parts ""] }
|
||
proc dross {} {mega say "Send patches."}
|
||
proc mouth {} {return "to tcl ass"}
|
||
proc csammis {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart "darren"}; . "$fart. is. a. fucking. moron. End of story" }
|
||
proc sa_threads {{forumid 0}} {global SA; if !$forumid {return [sa_all_threads]}; if ![info exists SA($forumid)] {return [list]}; return $SA($forumid)}
|
||
proc porkchop {} {randmacro; randmacro; randmacro}
|
||
proc nize rags {[lindex_random {norway niggerize}] $rags}
|
||
proc drug_ad {} {. Ask your doctor about once-a-day [capital [loaf2]] for seasonal [disease_word] relief. Side effects may include itchy [sexpart], dry [sexpart], or [disease_word].}
|
||
proc rexalert {who args} {rexsay "[bold][color red][upper "$who [join $args] adventure comics"][color][bold]"}
|
||
proc master_won {i a b c d} { master_clear $i; set ret [master_won_print $i $a $b $c $d]; master_inc_stat $i [master_score_get $i]; master_score_clear $i; return $ret}
|
||
proc glob_to_regexp {glob {nocase 0}} {
|
||
set regexp ""
|
||
set escaping 0
|
||
set chars 0
|
||
foreach char [split $glob {}] {
|
||
if $escaping {
|
||
if {$char eq "*" || $char eq "?" || $char eq "\\"} {
|
||
incr chars
|
||
append regexp \\$char
|
||
}
|
||
set escaping 0
|
||
} else {
|
||
if {$char eq "*"} {
|
||
append regexp .*
|
||
} elseif {$char eq "?"} {
|
||
append regexp .
|
||
} else {
|
||
if {$char eq "\\"} {
|
||
set escaping 1
|
||
} else {
|
||
incr chars
|
||
append regexp [escape_regexp $char]
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
}
|
||
return [expr {$nocase && $chars ? "(?i)" : ""}]^${regexp}$
|
||
}
|
||
proc STfuncock {} { return [rainbow [ncock [expr [rand 3]+1]]] }
|
||
proc antivirus_word {} { return "[lindex_random $::antivirus_dict] Anti-Virus"}
|
||
proc spitzer {} {. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3088/2330071178_7af09c6ecc.jpg}
|
||
proc smokedetector {{args {}}} { return "[name $args]: please check the batteries in your smoke detector" }
|
||
proc blackjack_shuffle {} { set ::blackjack_deck [card_shuffle]; return $::blackjack_deck}
|
||
proc chop {{who {}}} {me "[circumsize_word]s [name $who]"}
|
||
proc watamelons {{who {}}} {. "I am on $who like NIGGERS X:o X:D X:P on |:WATAMELONS:|"}
|
||
proc unsult {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "hey, [name $who]! you [faglame] [unplural [ethnic_group]]!"}
|
||
proc musicalsay args {set buf {}; set a [join $args { }]; for {set notes {♫ ♪ ♩ ♬}; set i 0} {$i < [llength $a]} {incr i} {lappend buf "[lindex $a $i] [lindex $notes [($i % 4)]]"}; . "♩ ♬ ♪ [string range [join $buf] 0 end-1]♪ ♬ ♩"}
|
||
proc STnegroosama {} { join { { *} { ___/ } {/ __\ } {\/..\ } { \_O/ } { \\ } } \n }
|
||
proc cspapermain {} {. \\section\{[saq_skill]\} [shsc_experience] \\subsection\{[shsc_word]\} [mega s_a]}
|
||
proc tweetgoon {twat {n 2}} {goonsay [join [ lindex [@$twat#[expr $n+1]] $n]]}
|
||
proc jnz_is_a_faggot {} { pink [niggerize [fart]]}
|
||
proc duckduckgo args {each [regexp -all -inline {"u":"(.+?)".+?"t":"(.+?)"} [last [http get http://duckduckgo.com/d.js?q=[urlescape $args]&l=us-en&p=1&s=0]]] {{match url title} {. "\002[html $title]\002 - \x1f$url\x1f"}}}
|
||
proc fixnick nick {. [string range $nick 0 0][uchar feff][string range $nick 1 end]}
|
||
proc odinesque {} { subst [lindex_random $::odinesque] }
|
||
proc aimstallion args {aim -n [aimname $args] [stallion]}
|
||
proc alpha_reversed args { alpha_replace AdↃbƎꟻGHIJK⅃MᴎOꟼpᴙꙄTUVWXYZ [join $args] }
|
||
proc coolchat {{oi {}}} {if {$oi eq ""} {set oi "buttes"}; return "#$oi is the cool place to hang out. You can find most of the cool people there. In #$oi you can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. \"Take it easy\" is the #$oi motto, for example, that's how laid back it is there. Show up if you want to have a good time. Another good reason to show up is if you want to hang out with friends."}
|
||
proc +gis args {set query [join $args]; xset timestamp index [cache fetch +gis $query {list [clock seconds] -1}]; if {$timestamp < ([clock seconds] - 300)} {set index -1}; set result [ngis [incr index] $query]; cache put +gis $query [list [clock seconds] $index]; return $result}
|
||
proc aimf_montspace args {aimify montspace $args}
|
||
proc alert__ args { regsub X $::alert [args] }
|
||
proc tower_of_goonoi {{height 9}} {let {n {ajoin [string repeat " " [expr 3 * $n / 4]] [goonoi $n] "+-+\n[string repeat "| |\n" [- $n 1]]" "+-+\n[string repeat "| |\n" [- $n 1]]"}} $height}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/josh/ args {error [wntd]}
|
||
proc estandardeoro {} {return "[bold][color black on yellow]SOLAMENTE RON PAUL APOYA EL ESTÁNDAR DE ORO[color][bold]"}
|
||
proc niggersaywhat {} {. Obama said \"[niggerphrase]\" then Condolleeza Rice said \"[niggerphrase]\"}
|
||
proc navy_body_fat {HeightCM NavelCM NeckCM} {. Bodyfat% [expr 495 / (1.0324 - .19077 * log10($NavelCM - $NeckCM) + .15456 * log10($HeightCM)) - 450]}
|
||
proc shitty_nist_rand max {expr int([nist_rand]) % $max}
|
||
proc oregontrail {{name {}}} {oregon_trail_ [name $name]}
|
||
proc aimf_jnz args {aimify jnz $args}
|
||
proc turdneck {{n 4} {m 4}} { join [map [zip [map [seq $n 1] {{x} {string repeat " " $x}}] [map [seq 1 [- $n 0]] {{x} {return "([string repeat " " [+ $m [* 2 $x]]])"}}]] {{x y} {return $x$y}} ] \n}
|
||
proc theo {} {lindex_random $::theo_dict}
|
||
proc ransom str {text rfg $str}
|
||
proc hellotroll args {if {$args eq "yes"} {return "HAHA YHBT HAND"}; if {$args eq "no"} {return "HAHA YHBT HAND"} else {return "Welcome to the HelloTroll bot v0.1b! I feel that [political_word]s are better than [deity], [political_figure] is a [demon], and that you hate [country]. Do you agree? Type \"tcl hellotroll yes\" or \"tcl hellotroll no\" to let me know!"};}
|
||
proc gbser {} {return "<@GBSER> [pick 1 {return "Hey remember that one Family Guy Episode?"} 1 {return "I SHIT MY PANTS AT WORK TODAY!"} 1 {return "YOU OWE ME A NEW KEYBOARD SIR!"} 1 {return "wow, just wow"} 1 {return "Thank you, good sir!"} 1 {return "I think I just vomited in my mouth a little."} 1 {return "Golden Manbabies all around, good sirs!"} 1 {return "PayPal Sent!"} 6 {return "[gold 55[string repeat 5 [rand 15]]!]"}]"}
|
||
proc thinice {} {. [img-verythinice] \n [aud-thinice]}
|
||
proc reverse-goatse url { magick_scheme (let ((img (image $url)) (w (width img)) (h (height img)) (simg (resize img (/ w 2) (/ h 2))) (sh (height simg)) (sw (width simg))) (overlay (composite img simg (/ (- w sw) 2) (/ (- h sh) 2)) (image http://churchturing.org/x/reversegoatseoverlay.png))) }
|
||
proc unknown:nick/incog/ args {. faggot detected}
|
||
proc _pooplastset {nick time} { array set ::lastpoop [list $nick $time]; }
|
||
proc emigrate {{who {}}} {return "[omg] hey, [name $who]! Take your [seinfeld_word] and go back to [country_name], you [unplural [ethnic_group]]!"}
|
||
proc whatot args {join [mapx [lines [join $args]] line {concat Whatbot: $line}] \n}
|
||
proc insult {{who {}}} {return "[omg] hey, [name $who]! you [faglame] [unplural [ethnic_group]]!"}
|
||
proc aimf_stupidradium args {aimify stupidradium $args}
|
||
proc pagga {{who pagga}} {return "[name $who] has last been seen escaping [englishtown] on [rbl_time] to pursue [lindex_random $::violent_act] [name] in [lindex_random $::country_name_dict]";}
|
||
proc fags? {} {bt god hates 'em}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^dprocbin:(\d+)$/} {match args} { dprocbin_n [last $match] [lrange $args 1 end] }
|
||
proc last-twat user {lasttwat $user}
|
||
proc drown {} {return [rands [expr {int(rand()*40)+1}]]}
|
||
proc erupt2 {} {return " W \n/W\\V O L C A N O"}
|
||
proc sweater nick { act "puts a sweater on $nick" }
|
||
proc rainbow2 args {join [map [split [strip_all [join $args]] {}] {char {. [apply color [next_in_list {{white on red} {white on fuchsia} {white on blue} {black on cyan} {black on lime} {black on yellow}}]]$char}}] {}}
|
||
proc pix_tag args {set tag [join $args ","]; set html [unescape_html_entities [cwget http://api.flickr.com/services/feeds/photos_public.gne?tags=$tag&lang=en-us&format=rss_200]]; flickr_med [html [strip_html [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<img src="(.*?)"} $html]]]]}
|
||
proc homos? {} homosexuals?
|
||
proc 8ballz args {lindex_random [list "yes" "no"]}
|
||
proc barbarawalters {{args {}}} {if {$args eq ""} {set args [random_word]}; return "If you were $args, what sort of $args would you be?"}
|
||
proc colin_white_show {} {rainb "*** The Colin White Show ***\n[smega {subst [choose "* silence *" "[moira]" "huh" "what" "*glug*" HAI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOH "*sound of a bottle breaking*"]} 4]\n*** Closing Credits: Colin White - Everything"}
|
||
proc STspade2 {} { return " ,-. \n \[ ] \n ,'\"\`-'\"\`. \n \`._.!._.' \n A ";}
|
||
proc bigmatixhasu args {. "fuck you";}
|
||
proc fixbot2 {} {. {Winkie fib xot}}
|
||
proc timeunit {} {lindex_random $::timeunits}
|
||
proc array_random arr { uplevel [list set ${arr}([?? [uplevel [list array names $arr]]])] }
|
||
proc a*e*? {} { eval [concat c [count_a*e*]] }
|
||
proc mansport {} { tcl ajoin "" [cock] [flip [cock]] "\n [string toupper [crw_word]]: A Man's Sport"; }
|
||
proc drug_do {} {lindex_random $::drug_does}
|
||
proc aimf_zuluname args {return "[aimify zuluname $args]?"}
|
||
proc randombitmap {} {return {"[rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2]" "[rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2]" "[rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2]" "[rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2]" "[rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2]" "[rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2][rand 2]"}}
|
||
proc meganames {} {return "\001ACTION [name]\001\n\001ACTION [name]\001\n\001ACTION [name]\001\n\001ACTION [name]\001\n\001ACTION [name]\001"}
|
||
proc flipomgbeednasayreversecern {} {vflip [aflip [ajoin "" [flip [rain [omgbeegeometry]]] [wrap [join [reverse [lhc]]] 25] "\n\\" [rain [omgbeegeometry]]]]}
|
||
proc rubbinit {} {. [ajoin "" [ncock 1]\n[name] "\n\n\n&" [flip [ncock 2]]\n[name]]\nARE RUBBIN IT}
|
||
proc query2 list {set result [list]; foreach {key value} $list {lappend result [urlencode2 $key]=[urlencode2 $value]}; join $result &}
|
||
proc overheard_nohug {} {set one [join [lselect_random $::overheard_people 1]]; set two [join [lselect_random $::overheard_people 1]]; return "$one: [overheardline]\n$two: [choose [albot] [niggerphrase] [mystic]]\n$one: [overheardline]\n-- [rand 50]th & [rand 50]th"}
|
||
proc loljews {} {rainbow [hacker [jews]]}
|
||
proc get_xbl_info gamertag {array set info {}; set result [regexp -all -inline {\s\s\s\s\s\s\s\s"(.+?)": "*(.+?)"*(?:,|\n)} [wget "http://www.xboxleaders.com/api/1.0/profile.json?gamertag=$gamertag"]]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $result]} {incr i 3} {set info([lindex $result [expr $i+1]]) [lindex $result [expr $i+2]]};return [array get info] }
|
||
proc nickinfo {{who {}}} {embed [embed [embed [box [canvas 20 11]] [. " [name $who] "] 4 1] [. "MAX UNIT : [string toupper [rand_char2]][string toupper [rand_char2]]-[rand 9][rand 9][rand 9][rand 9]\nMAX POWR : [rand 4000]ps\nMAX SPD : [rand 800]km/h\nWEIGHT : [rand 2000]kg\n\n ACCELERATION\nkm/h\n |\n |\n |\n '------------------"] 3 2] [snakebanner] 5 9}
|
||
proc offender_type {} {lindex_random $::offender_type}
|
||
proc Albot: args {. Albot: [join $args]}
|
||
proc STfullgoon {} {return " __________\n (--\[ .\]-\[ .\]\n (_______O__)\n ,\"` \\\n /____/ \\\n | | _______\\\n \\ \\_-`_____.__)\n `-_ / |\n | ,` |\n | | |\n |______|____|\n |______,_____,"}
|
||
proc spamtext {func str} {set str [string trim $str]; join [adjacent_join [map1 [map1 [split $str {}] $func] nsplit]] \n}
|
||
proc internetacro {} {lindex_random $::internetacro_dict}
|
||
proc image-death url {magick_overlay $url [~magick_id http://churchturing.org/x/deathoverlay.png]}
|
||
proc STnegrodiamond {} { join [list " /\\ " "/..\\" "\\ O/" " \\/ " ] \n }
|
||
proc nname {{who {}}} {or $who [nick]}
|
||
proc autotranslate args {translate auto en [join $args]}
|
||
proc scrotalize url {. http://scrot.aliz.es/$url}
|
||
proc goonstamp {} {return \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ,-----,\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ \ \ /\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\ \ \ /\n\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ )\ (\n\ _________\ /\ \ \ \\________\n|\\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ |_____|\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\\n\\\ \\______________________\\\n\ \\|______________________|\n\ \n\ \ G\ O\ O\ N\ \ A\ P\ P\ R\ O\ V\ E\ D}
|
||
proc orifice return ears
|
||
proc stamp_suicide {} {. [stampsay -s [choose "bomb" "axe" "skull" "cocksegway"] [alt_suicide]]}
|
||
proc radio3 {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<div class="summary">(.*?)<p>(.*?)</p>(.*?)Listen In} [http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio3/]] 2]}
|
||
proc incog2 {} {return "<incog> i just posted in /v/ about [sex_act] [ethnic_group]\n<incog> haha they are so trolled by [seinfeld_word]"}
|
||
proc catbus_poem {} { join [list {O Catbus! my Catbus! at the bus stop you come;} {The rain has soak'd our girly heads, the coats we brought are gone;} {I see your light, I hear your feet, my mind is filled with wonder,} {While follow eyes the light beacon, the eyes of sun and shine;} { But do stop! stop! stop!} { O the thunder of your speed,} { Where on our cheeks your wind blows by,} { Ceaseless flight and legs.}] \n}
|
||
proc speedline_segment {} {choose { } {-} }
|
||
proc radio4 {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex [regexp -all -inline {<p class="on-now-info"><span>On now:</span> <a href="/programmes/(.*?)">(.*?)</a></p>} [http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/]] 2]}
|
||
proc procpub {} {publish [. [string map {" " "\n"} [info procs]]]}
|
||
proc incog3 {} {return [bgt bioshock]}
|
||
proc cat_dict {} {?? $::cat_dict}
|
||
proc track_fedex_html number {wget http://www.fedex.com/Tracking?action=track&language=english&cntry_code=us&initial=x&tracknumbers=$number}
|
||
proc relax {{word {}}} {if {$word eq ""} {set word [word a(x|cks)$]}; return "around [regsub cks$ $word x] never relax"}
|
||
proc incog4 {} {return " .======.\n /((((((()\\\n ((/// \\))\n ((/`__ __()) I JUST GOT MY 4CHAN\n /`-\{_o\}^\{o_\}'\\ MEMBERSHIP AND BOY AM\n \\_ _\\ _/ I EXCITED!\n \\ .__, / \n \\ `-' / \n /`----'\\\n .-\"\"\"`------'`\"\"-."}
|
||
proc amidone? {} {return "ya ur done"}
|
||
proc revconcat {a b} { return "$b$a" }
|
||
proc jarlink2 {} {tinyurl http://1man1jar.com/?[rand 0 100000]}
|
||
proc incog5 {} {return "< incog> guys please stop picking on the \"[niggerword]s\""}
|
||
proc amat2 {{who {}} {nick {}}} {return "<@amat> yo [name $who] is impersonating [name $nick]\n<@amat> that's fucked up"}
|
||
proc daypart {} { lindex_random $::daypart_dict}
|
||
proc spamof {f l} { more [list each $l [& $f]]}
|
||
proc incog6 {{who incog} {name {}}} {. "<[name $who]> there is nothing wrong with molesting children [name $name]"}
|
||
proc incog7 {} {publish [macro:scale [savagesay [xss]]]}
|
||
proc swingler_deal {{who {}} {rate 50}} {. "<[name $who]> i'd pay \$$rate/month for swingler never to mention [swingler_word] in [channel] again"}
|
||
proc moira_litany {} { return "<@moira_> [litany {[booze_word]}]" }
|
||
proc incog8 args {. 404 proc not found}
|
||
proc imamac {} {return "I'm a Mac and I'm into [crw_word]"}
|
||
proc buttesrpg {} {return "Welcome to ButtesRPG v1.0\n Please choose a race: [string toupper [checkbox [niggerword] [niggerword] [niggerword] [niggerword]]]\n Please choose a name for your character: [string toupper [checkbox [zulu_word] [zulu_word] [zulu_word]]]\n Your character's occupation? [string toupper [checkbox [job] [job] [job]]]\n----------\n[rpg_adventure]"}
|
||
proc test_dict_justalphabet dictionary {if {[regexp 0 [map [set ::[subst $dictionary]] {x {regexp {^([[:alpha:]])+}}}} {} {. $dictionary}}
|
||
proc incog9 {} {return "<+incog> xss in [child_porn]"}
|
||
proc ubuntu {} {return "<@AmazuAtu> sobonana futhi \"Linux\" ukhulumelani???\n<@Dzigbode> jabula! ingoma Cflags thandanani jabula zooooom!\n<@AmazuAtu> nihambe kahle counter strike, izinkabi umbulo umbulo\n<@Juma> sikhona ubaba ubaba Mikro\$anbi bill gate$ intombi yami!!!!!\n<@Dzigbode> siyafunda ngicela"}
|
||
proc dacs {} {unescape_html_entities [lindex_random_ne [regexp -all -inline {<title>(.*?)</title>} [6~http://democracyandclasstruggle.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss]]]}
|
||
proc STspacecow {{who {}}} { return " i--i \n (=((oo)) \n /(+((__) \n * ||=-|| \n '' '' ";}
|
||
proc {BEZO$} {} kindle
|
||
proc mikael2 {} {return "These days, I basically use the terms Traditional Keynesian Econoblogger and [al_man_word][al_hat_word] interchangeably."}
|
||
proc sayall txt {set buf ""; foreach name [names] {append buf "$name: $txt\n"; }; return $buf}
|
||
proc iphone_feature {} {. iPhone version [?? $::next_iphone_ver] will have [choose "[debian_feature]" "[?? $::mac_apps]"]}
|
||
proc test69 {} {. $::askee2}
|
||
proc {unknown:1:cmd/(.+)_word$/} {matches cmd args} {?? [set "::[last $matches]_dict"]}
|
||
proc shopping {} {return "Notice the [shakti_word] of this fake plastic [choose anus cock nigina mouth life-partner]."}
|
||
proc mohammedattack {} { return "[color blue]Mohammed[color] used [color red]PLACEHOLDER attack![color]\nYou take [color yellow]X[color] damage!"}
|
||
proc aimfurcism {{who {}}} {aim -n [aimname $who] [furcism]}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/^last_(.+?)_sighting$/} {match args} { set lines [lgrep "***:(?i)" [log_for [last $match]]]; if { [expr [llength $lines] > 0] } { clock format [lindex [lindex $lines end] 0] } }
|
||
proc snake {} {return " __ \n <_~\\ __ \n_/ \\ \\_/ \\/|\n ' \\___/\\_/";}
|
||
proc frotrock {} {ajoin "" "\nFOR THOSE ABOUT TO [color red][upper [crw_verb]][color]\n\n[color red][bold]FIRE[color][bold]\n\nWE SALUTE YOU" [ncock 3] [stream 10 7]}
|
||
proc fmtdur seconds {
|
||
if {$seconds < 0} {
|
||
set seconds [expr {-$seconds}]
|
||
}
|
||
set duration [list]
|
||
foreach div {31536000 604800 86400 3600 60 1} unit {y w d h m s} {
|
||
set num [expr {$seconds / $div}]
|
||
if {$num > 0} {lappend duration "[b]$num[b]$unit"}
|
||
set seconds [expr {$seconds % $div}]
|
||
}
|
||
if {[llength $duration]} {return [join $duration]} else {return "[b]0[b]s"}
|
||
}
|
||
proc socute1 {} {return "http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3128/2442154163_ffe754a0f1.jpg"}
|
||
proc safe_inspect name { if {[catch "inspect $name" cum] == 0} {return $cum} }
|
||
proc hello {} {. pl yes}
|
||
proc aim_r1ch {} {return ".a\im notR1CH [r1ch]"}
|
||
proc socute2 {} {return "http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2299/2459172026_0b21646293_b.jpg"}
|
||
proc shuffle args {lsort -command shuffle_helper [join $args]}
|
||
proc bj_stand {} { return [blackjack_stand [nick]]; }
|
||
proc leftmost {} { subst "<Leftmost> [lindex_random $::leftmost]"}
|
||
proc gaybar {} {subst [next_in_list $::gbl]}
|
||
proc colorize_stamp_pane args { ajoin "[bold][eval [list color] [lrange $args 0 [- [llength $args] 2]]]" "" "[ST[lindex $args [- [llength $args] 1]]]"}
|
||
proc search_profanisaurus args {lgrep "***:(?i)$args" [array names ::profanisaurus]}
|
||
proc depends_check mylist {flatten [map $mylist {x { if {[safe_inspect $x] != ""} {return $x} }}]}
|
||
proc slander who {return "[name $who] is [articleize [adjective]] [oneoff]"}
|
||
proc ð©ð {} malcom
|
||
proc unescape_unicode str { eval ". $str" }
|
||
proc sa_thread_ids {{forumid 0}} {even_elm [sa_threads $forumid]}
|
||
proc bj_clear {} { blackjack_unset; blackjack_init; }
|
||
proc seinlords {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "<$who> I for one welcome our new [strip_s [seinfeld_word]] overlords"}
|
||
proc import_sn {a b} { set result "$b NOT ADDED"; catch { add_sn $a $b } result; return $result }
|
||
proc sexfluid {} sex_fluid
|
||
proc gaywithpiss {} {. "Are you GAY? Are you PISSED? Are you GAY WITH PISS?"}
|
||
proc amoeba args {set ret ""; append ret [gudrize "shut up amoeba"];append ret \n;append ret [gudrize "shut up amoeba"]; append ret \n;append ret [gudrize "shut up amoeba"]; return $ret}
|
||
proc standarddor {} {. [bold][color black on yellow]SEULEMENT RON PAUL SOUTIENT LE STANDARD D'OR[color][bold]}
|
||
proc randrig {} {return "You buy a kickass [random_word], and [act_word] the hell out of it, then you will get kickass [random_word]. Simple as that."}
|
||
proc pubr_w num {publish [. [subst [string repeat {[random_word]\n} [expr {int($num)}]]]]}
|
||
proc STrocketcock {} rocketcock
|
||
proc aimf_winkz args {aimify winkz $args}
|
||
proc suicide2 {} {subst [lindex_random $::kill_myself]}
|
||
proc slot_stats {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [nick]}; set nick [normalize_nick $who]; return "\002$who\002: [slot_stats_played $nick] games played, [slot_format [slot_stats_spent $nick]] spent, [slot_format [slot_stats_earned $nick]] earned, \002[slot_format [slot_stats_net $nick]]\002 net gain"}
|
||
proc medical_title {} {set t [titleize [crw_word]]; subst [?? $::medical_title]}
|
||
proc hole {} {lindex_random $::hole_dict}
|
||
proc STmoon {} { return " |\\ \n | \\ \n _/o | \n __'_, / \n \\_____/ ";}
|
||
proc blackjack_init {} { blackjack_shuffle; blackjack_unset; array set ::blackjack_bid [list dealer 1]; blackjack_bid dealer 1; }
|
||
proc old_utf8_search args {last [goofy_unicode_character_search $args]}
|
||
proc trumpets? {} {string map {radeon trumpet\ player} [count_nicks radeon]}
|
||
proc getlongestasc args {set longest 0; foreach item $args { if {[ascii_height $item] > $longest} {set longest [ascii_height $item]} }; . $longest }
|
||
proc swastispam args { more "each [list $args] \[& swastisay]"}
|
||
proc mugu {} { return "http://www.imageput.com/hosted/191611234389823469.jpg"; }
|
||
proc furrypeace {} {return "Can't we all get along? *[furry_verb] your [furry_noun], [murrpurr]ing*"}
|
||
proc mirror_bottom url {set dims [get_image_size $url]; set x [lindex $dims 0]; set y [lindex $dims 1]; set half [magick_id [magick crop $url 0 [expr $y/2] $x [expr $y/2]]]; set flip [magick_id [magick flip $half]]; magick composite $url $flip 0 0}
|
||
proc image-glamour url { magick composite http://i.buttes.org/$url [magick_id [eval "magick resize http://churchturing.org/w/whitemask.png [get_image_size $url]"]] 0 0}
|
||
proc %rainbow {} {. $::rainbow_taste}
|
||
proc 2dndwords {} {return "[dnd_word] and [dnd_word]"}
|
||
proc fatnigger {{glob {}}} {stampsay -s goonigger [niggerize [join [lindex_random [lfilter *${glob}* [eval [wget http://www.fatgoon.com/blog/all.tcl]]]]]]}
|
||
proc fedbait {{prez {[president]}}} {subst "I am going to kill $prez, President of the United States of America."}
|
||
proc track_fedex number {set results {}; foreach {{} {} {} date {} time {} {} {} {} {} {} {} desc {} {} {} {} {} {} {} loc {} {} {} {}} [regexp -all -inline {<td.*?>(.*?)</td>} [join [regexp -all -line -inline {^<tr bgColor=#(?:e6e6e6|ffffff) >(.*?)</tr>} [string map [list \n "" <tr \n<tr] [track_fedex_html $number]]] \n]] {lappend results [list [join [html $loc]] [join [html $date]] [join [html $time]] [join [html $desc]]]}; return $results}
|
||
proc rollofflify args {regsub -all {\w} [join ${args}] {rolloffle}}
|
||
proc mlad2 {{who mlad}} {return "<[name $who]> why is it so hard to believe that im a [lindex_random $::religion_adherant]";}
|
||
proc abezcaps {} { return "Well the problem is that your UNDERGRAD mind can't handle the truth!"}
|
||
proc smokeweed? {} {. "smoke weed every day?" [choose [. [checkbox yes]\[ \] no] [. \[ \] yes [checkbox no]]] }
|
||
proc red_mills {} {. "[color white on red] MILLS MILLS MILLS "}
|
||
proc realwrappad {l n} { join [padlinesto [+ 1 $n] [lines [realwrap $l $n]]] \n }
|
||
proc urfm2 nick {join [first [select [lines [buttesfm]] [& /[fixnick $nick]/i]]]}
|
||
proc k-hate2 {} {return "< k-hate> [fuckword] i love cake"}
|
||
proc i.buttes.org url {. "http://i.butt.es/[regsub {^https?://} $url {}]"}
|
||
proc ^poop {} {set line [^]; set tok [lindex_random $line]; string map [list $tok poop] $line}
|
||
proc press {{butan {}}} {if {$butan == ""} {. "Press [next_in_list [seq 0 9]] for [random_word]."} else {. "Press [next_in_list [seq 0 9]] for $butan."} }
|
||
proc odinskid {} kidpornstar
|
||
proc chinaescher {} {regsub -all {\.} [escher] -}
|
||
proc lo0ol {{length 0}} {let {length {. l[join [repeat $length {?? {o 0 .}}] {}]l}} [if {$length == 0} {rand 15 40} {set length}]}
|
||
proc bugtraq {} {. "Vuln: [capitalize [shsc_word]]: [underscore [random_word]].php [?? {{Remote File Include} {SQL Injection} {Cross-Site Scripting} {Session Fixation} {Request Forgery}}] Vulnerabilit[?? {y ies}]"}
|
||
proc catquote {{ticker cat}} {catback [string map {+ {UP } - {DOWN }} [strip_all [stock $ticker]]]}
|
||
proc weevify args { join [map [lrange [split $args "\n" ] 0 4] {x {->yi $x}}] "\n"}
|
||
proc urweather nick {regsub -all {[-+]?[0-9]*\.?[0-9]+ F } [wunderground $::myweather($nick)] {}}
|
||
proc animate args {
|
||
set urls {};
|
||
set delay 0.5;
|
||
for {set x 0} {$x<[llength $args]} {incr x} {
|
||
set item [lindex $args $x];
|
||
if {$item == "-delay"} {
|
||
set delay [lindex $args [expr $x + 1]];
|
||
} elseif {[regexp -nocase {^http} $item]} {
|
||
lappend urls $item;
|
||
}
|
||
};
|
||
set url http://prettybrd.com/ani?d=$delay&[apply ? [inject $urls {} {{list img} {concat $list i $img}}]]#.gif;
|
||
cache put animate url $url;
|
||
return [magick noop [i.buttes $url]];
|
||
}
|
||
proc evanm {} {return "FLIP THE BITS"}
|
||
proc fixchargen {} {proc chargen {} {return "\1DCC CHAT CHAT 1122436482 19\1"}; return "chargen fixed"}
|
||
proc incogcup {{name incog}} {. [box [goonsay "I got through all of 1[name $name][rand 50][plural [string map {"an " "" "a " "" " " ""} [a_sextoy]]] on my first viewing"]]}
|
||
proc 2dsetchar {f x y {c X}} { set out ""; set thing [split $f \n]; for {set i 0} {$i < [llength $thing]} {incr i} { set line [lindex $thing $i]; if {$i == $y} {append out [string replace $line $x $x $c]\n} {append out $line\n}}; . $out }
|
||
proc remove_stop_words list { select $list {{x} {not [stopword? $x]}} }
|
||
proc extend_smile smile { if {[rand 6] == 0} { return $smile } { set smile_sides [lindex_random $::smile_components]; set smile_side_times [rand 5]; return [extend_smile "[string repeat [lindex $smile_sides 0] $smile_side_times]$smile[string repeat [lindex $smile_sides 1] $smile_side_times]"] } }
|
||
proc wolfram2 args {set return [http get http://api.wolframalpha.com/v2/query?input=[urlescape $args]&format=plaintext&appid=354LXX-RJY64KHLL5]; if {[grep "queryresult success='false'" $return] ne ""} {set lerror [unescape_html_entities [join [every_n_from 2 1 [regex -all -inline "msg='(.*?)'" $return]] "\n"]] if {$lerror ne ""} {error $lerror} {error "Query failed"}} {regsub ^ [unescape_html_entities [join [every_n_from 2 1 [regexp -all -inline "<plaintext>(.*?)</plaintext>" $return]] "\n"]] [b]}}
|
||
proc morehits? {} {bongback [upper [?? $::affirmative_statements]]}
|
||
proc ethnic_olympics {{who {}}} {if {$who eq ""} {set who [lindex_random [names]]}; return "[celebrity] from the [ethnic_group] of [country] takes the [choose gold silver bronze] medal in [choose "500 meter" "100 meter" Greco-Roman lightweight heavyweight freestyle] [crw_word]!"}
|
||
proc poetry {} keepitreal
|
||
proc jewish1 {} {return [pink [chinkerize [octalemo]]]}
|
||
proc hypnosay {{fart {}}} {if {$fart eq ""} {set fart [hypnofit]}; return [ajoin " " \n[hypnotic] \n\n\n\n/ [wrap $fart 50]]}
|
||
proc homo {} {return [rainbow HO\nMO\nSE\nXU\nAL]}
|
||
proc lzenc data { set old ""; set dict() 0; set res {}; foreach ch [split $data {}] { if {[info exists dict($old$ch)]} then { append old $ch; } else { lappend res $dict($old) $ch; set dict($old$ch) [array size dict]; set old ""; }; }; if {[string length $old]} then { lappend res $dict($old)}; return [join $res ","] }
|
||
proc lkeycaps args {let {str {join [zip [split $str {}] [repeat [llength [split $str {}]] {. [U+20E3]}]] {}}} [join $args]}
|
||
proc lastfm:purge {} {map [array names ::lastfmnamemap] {{x} {cache put lastfmlasttime $x 0}}}
|
||
proc dickcount {} {return "I have sucked [info cmdcount] dicks"}
|
||
proc ghost args { . whoOoOOOoooooOOooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOooOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOOooOO}
|
||
proc STfatgoon args {apply STgoon $args}
|
||
proc STdiamonds {} { return " A \n ,/ \\. \n <' \`> \n \`\\,/' \n V ";}
|
||
proc jones {} {goonsay $::jones_;}
|
||
proc Als? {} {set Alabs 0; set buf ""; append buf [count_nicks Al]; foreach Al [lfilter al* [string tolower [names]]] { if [regexp {^arab@} [hostmask $Al]] { incr Alabs; }; }; return "$buf ...but $Alabs a rabs are among them!"; }
|
||
proc terrorist2 {} {return "Hello, Sir! My name is Abdullah Ihram Mohammad Bin Zular Krokar Tehroham Kumr, I am a TERRORIST. My father was on the first plane that crashed in the World Trade Center. I get a boner every time CNN plays that tape. If you wish to help me in my quest for WORLD SLAVERY please purchase a kalashnikov at your nearest kalashnikov store and HELP ME KILL ALL AMERICANS!"}
|
||
proc hex2bin {hex {sep {}} {endian B}} { str2bin [hex2str $hex] $sep $endian}
|
||
proc altcaps args {set b 0;join [mapx [split [join $args] {}] x {set b [expr $b^1];if {$b} {set x [string toupper $x]} {set x [string tolower $x]};set x}] ""}
|
||
proc image-tomfuck url { tomfuck_scheme $url }
|
||
proc kimjongun {} {kimjongunsay [chinkerize [dprk_slogan]]}
|
||
proc normalize_tag_name tag {regsub -all {[^&/:[:alpha:][:digit:]]+} [string tolower $tag] {}}
|
||
proc nmap {} {return "Starting nmap 4.11 ( http://insecure.on.nimp.org/nmap/ ) at [clock format [clock seconds] -format "%Y-%m-%d %H:%M"] CDT\nInteresting ports on [join [random_word].[random_word][tld] {}] ([rand 255].[rand 255].[rand 255].[rand 255]):\nPORT STATE SERVICE\n[smega {format "%s %s %s" [concat [eval rand 65535]/tcp] [lindex_random {{open } {closed } {filtered}}] [random_word]}]"}
|
||
proc magick_composite_bottom_left {urlbottom urltop} {magick_scheme (let ((img (image $urlbottom)) (ape (image $urltop ))) (composite img ape 0 (- (height img) (height ape)))) }
|
||
proc yoda {} {. up the shut fuck}
|
||
proc reflect args {let {text {join [list [ajoin "" " " [bgr 7 $text]] [let {lines {join [list " [lindex $lines 0]" [lindex $lines 1] " [lindex $lines 2]" " [lindex $lines 3]" " [lindex $lines 4]"] \n}} [split [vflip [bgr 11 $text]] \n]]] \n}} [join $args]}
|
||
proc bigot {} {return "Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are [ethnic_group]"}
|
||
proc unbraille str { string map {⠁ A ⠃ B ⠉ C ⠙ D ⠑ E ⠋ F ⠛ G ⠓ H ⠊ I ⠚ J ⠅ K ⠇ L ⠍ M ⠝ N ⠕ O ⠏ P ⠟ Q ⠗ R ⠎ S ⠞ T ⠥ U ⠧ V ⠺ W ⠭ X ⠽ Y ⠵ Z ⠼ # ⠲ . ⠂ , ⠦ ? ⠆ ; ⠖ ! ⠦ " ⠴ " ⠶ [ ⠤ - ⠄ ' ⠁ 1 ⠃ 2 ⠉ 3 ⠙ 4 ⠑ 5 ⠋ 6 ⠛ 7 ⠓ 8 ⠊ 9 ⠚ 0} $str }
|
||
proc saladtoss {} {choose "anal heads" "anal tails"}
|
||
proc myshit {} {join [list [[nick]-twat] [myfm] [myt] [mypix] [myxbox]] "\n"}
|
||
proc proc:find p {set n 0; each [lsearch -regexp -inline -all [info proc] $p] {m {set a [info args $m]; if ![string length $a] { set a "(none)"; }; . "\002[uplevel {incr n}]\002) proc \002$m\002 (arguments: \002$a\002)"}}}
|
||
proc dhseyz wat {wget http://www.spaceweave.com/lol.txt}
|
||
proc art_masterpiece {{nick {}}} {set nick [ornick $nick]; string map {FOR {} MOUTH COFFEE} [head 14 [peeinto [%coffee $nick]]]}
|
||
proc whyamitalking {} {talking [nick]}
|
||
proc use_shaniqua_to_ddos {} {. \1DCC\1}
|
||
proc samify args {join [regsub -all "\\.{1,3}" $args "\xe2\x80\xa6"]}
|
||
proc swingler_cal_items {} {. "[color red on white] [color] [swingler_list_item]\n[color blue on white] [color] [swingler_list_item]\n[color green on white] [color] [swingler_list_item]\n[color yellow on white] [color] [swingler_list_item]"}
|
||
proc incogs {} { return "[color green]1 incog = -100,000 gbp in welfare CHEQUES FROM THE DOLE QUEUE"}
|
||
proc grogsay args {okeysay $args}
|
||
proc gaybook {} { return "[?? $::learning_book_title_prefix] [capitalize [crw_word]] [subst [?? $::learning_book_title_suffix]]" }
|
||
proc %feelsgood {} { more http://churchturing.org/y/feelsgood }
|
||
proc stallion {} {return "A full grown stallion's cock, when fully erect, will measure some two to three feet long. It can be three to six inches thick at the base, to about two inches thick at the head."}
|
||
proc magick_uncached {cmd id args} {set url [string trim [http://magick.buttes.org/magick.rb?[? cmd $cmd id $id args [join $args +]]]]; if [regexp ^Error: $url] {error [string range $url 7 end]}; cache put magick last [concat [cache fetch magick last list] $url]; return $url}
|
||
proc incogw {} {return "incog is currently watching: [lindex_random $::animulist]"}
|
||
proc aimweirdbible args { aim -n [aimname $args] [weirdbible] }
|
||
proc figfonts {} {join [map [split [wrap [split [figlet_fonts]] 80] \n] {line {. [center $line 80]}}] \n}
|
||
proc rizon {} {string map {{ZIRC! } {RIZON!} { by egg } { by egg + literalka }} [zirc]}
|
||
proc heyrichard {} {return "Hey Richard, go [act_word] a [random_word] up your [body_part]. Yours Truly, [lowtax_enemy_word]"}
|
||
proc getnuniq {n f {o {}}} { while {[llength $o] < $n} { set t [eval $f]; if {-1==[lsearch $o $t]} { lappend o $t } {}; }; return $o}
|
||
proc getcoindata:btce {coin currency} {set data [jsget http://irc.gangnet.org/btce.php?a=[lower $coin]&b=[lower $currency]]; if {$data == {"error" "invalid pair"}} {return "null"} else {return $data};}
|
||
proc acquaintance {} { if {[rand 2] == 0} { return "[prefixed_simple_acquaintance]'s [acquaintance_chain]" } { return [prefixed_simple_acquaintance] }}
|
||
proc cthulhu {} {join [list { _--------. } { / ~~~~~~\ } {(_ ~~~@~~@| } { \ ~~//|\\\ |} { \ \|||/\\\_/} { / /|//_/|/__} { / \_\ \|\| }] \n}
|
||
proc despace args {string map {" " ""} [$args]}
|
||
proc truncate list {take 5 $list}
|
||
proc pipebomb {} {return "I don't want to give the impression that [goon_word] is important or even popular, but I think that with time and a little [strip_u [fetish_porn]], it could be a nice resource for forum members to turn to."}
|
||
proc touchdown-old {} {. " _.-=\"\"=-._ \n .\'\\\\-++++-//\'.\n( || || ) TOUCHDOWN\n \'.// \\\\.\'\n `\'-=..=-\'`\n"}
|
||
proc addrandsn {} { smega { subst .addrandsn } 5 }
|
||
proc aaron_neurosis {} {return "hypochondriaaron championeurosis"}
|
||
proc mult {} {string map {" + " " * "} [arith]}
|
||
proc cshrink str {set out ""; set size [cgetsize $str]; set map [ascii2map $str]; for {set y 0} {$y < [lindex $size 1]} {incr y 2} { for {set x 0} {$x < [lindex $size 0]} {incr x 2} { set current [cgetchar $str $x $y]; append out [fmt2asc $current] }; append out \n }; . $out }
|
||
proc orangedrink {} okey
|
||
proc SToctopus {} {. " ,'\"\"`.\n / _ _ \\\n |(@)(@)|\n ) __ (\n /,'))((`.\\\n(( (( )) ))\n `\\ `)(' /'"}
|
||
proc STboat {} { return " 4 \n /|\\ \n / | \\ \n _<__!__>_ \n \\_______/ ";}
|
||
proc testpattern {} {cdraw [concat [times 8 {s s s s s y y y y y c c c c c gre gre gre gre gre f f f f f r r r r r blu blu blu blu blu}] {{blu blu blu blu blu bla bla bla bla bla f f f f f bla bla bla bla bla c c c c c bla bla bla bla bla s s s s s}} [times 3 {n n n n n n w w w w w w v v v v v v b b b b b b b gra gra s s b b b b b b}]]}
|
||
proc goonphrase {} { lindex_random $::goonphrase_dict }
|
||
proc mung str1 {return "mung $str1"}
|
||
proc unknown:nick/psiox/ args {error "ginger-like typing detected"}
|
||
proc nethack:tlcorner {} { return \342\224\214 }
|
||
proc litany {{a fear}} {return "I must not fear the [subst $a]. Fear of [subst $a] is the mind-killer. Fear of [subst $a] is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing, only [subst $a]. Only I, the [subst $a], will remain."}
|
||
proc holywow {{str {}}} {if {$str eq ""} {set str "[name]'s [random_word]"}; return "[bubble [lindex_random {o O 0 .}] [lindex_random {o O 0 .}]]\n [lindex_random {O o}] HOLY WOW CHECK OUT [string toupper $str]"}
|
||
proc 1dug {} {return [bold][color [choosecolor]][hoiah]}
|
||
proc city {} {lindex_random $::cities}
|
||
proc dongsicate url {return "http://www.svamp.eu/cocks/?url=$url"}
|
||
proc swinglerplot {} {. "\"[ucwords [swingler_word]][sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1982 [rand 26]]) tells the story of Christopher Swingler ([celebrity]) growing up in a [era] [state], coping with [swingler_word], [swingler_word], and [swingler_word]. [review]"}
|
||
proc odds list {every_n_from 2 1 $list}
|
||
proc lastfm:nameunmap name {set ret $name; foreach s [array names ::lastfmnamemap] { if {$::lastfmnamemap($s) == $name } { set ret $s } }; return $ret }
|
||
proc safebody name { if {[isproc $name] == 1} { set p [info body $name]; string map {\t {} ;; ;} [regsub -all \n [eachline [regsub -all { +} [regsub {^; +} [regsub -all {([^\{])\n} $p {\1; }] {}] { }] trim] {}] } }
|
||
proc spacecowsucks args { apply {stampsay -s spacecow} {<BURK> im trying to fix it nigger} }
|
||
proc roundmorse args {unmorse [morse [join $args { }]]}
|
||
proc arabian {} {mapx [seq 1 [+ 4 [rand 6]]] x {rands [+ 4 [rand 6]]}}
|
||
proc inco6 {} saq2
|
||
proc tragedy args {embed [embed [embed [embed [embed [embed [canvas 1 10] [flip [omgwall]] 1 1] [lmoot [join $args]] 1 1] "O_/..\\O_/..\\O_/..\\O_/" 1 1] "..\\O_/..\\O_/..\\O_/" 1 2] "O_/..\\O_/..\\O_/" 1 3] "\\O_/" 3 4}
|
||
proc empty_formatting? formatting {array set e [empty_formatting]; foreach {k v} $formatting {if ![info exists e($k)] {return 0}; if {$e($k) != $v} {return 0}}; return 1}
|
||
proc while_not e {while 1 { set res [eval $e]; if {$res==""||$res==0} {} { return $res; }; }}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)amid$/} {matches cmd args} {pyramid [last $matches]}
|
||
proc gsuggest args {set query [join $args]; set results [suggest $query]; if {$results eq {}} return; set length [expr [maxstringlength [lines $results]] - 1]; . [format "\[[^_] %-${length}s[^_]]" $query]\n[ajoin "" " " $results]}
|
||
proc buyers_guide_products {} {array set products [buyers_guide_data]; array names products}
|
||
proc dang {} {. [color yellow on green][^B] [^_]Dang[^_] {}}
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)say$/} {matches cmd args} {apply [list stampsay -s [last $matches]] $args}
|
||
proc sa_thread_title threadid {if {[set index [sa_thread_index $threadid]] != -1} {return [lindex [sa_thread_titles] $index]} {error "thread $threadid not found"}}
|
||
proc wbcsign args {. "http://www.says-it.com/scripts/wbc-protest.pl?bg=1&text1=GOD&text2=HATES&text3=[upper [urlescape $args]]"}
|
||
proc blackjack_print_hand_rec hand { if [expr [llength $hand] < 1] { return ""; } else { return " \[box \[card_p [lindex $hand 0]]] [blackjack_print_hand_rec [lrange $hand 1 [expr [llength $hand]-1]]]" }; }
|
||
proc {unknown:2:cmd/(.+)semen$/} args {. i love [last [first $args]] cum}
|
||
proc abeztalk {} {lolqdb 3029}
|
||
proc 1984 {} {upper "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a [big_word] [choose GAY POZZY HOMO HOMOSEXUAL CUCKOLDING] [penis_word] [choose BASHING SMASHING WHACKING SMUSHING SLAPPING] a human [choose MOUTH ASS TAINT EYE EAR URETHRA FACE COCK GAPE GAPE GAPE]-- [time_word]!"}
|
||
proc chathealth {} { . Chat health: [weathercondition] [maybe_measure] }
|
||
proc swede_first_name {} {?? $::swede_first}
|
||
proc mmatech {} {. [choose [sexpart] [al_hat_word] [al_man_word] [faglame] [body_part] ]-[choose kick choke punch lock hook]}
|
||
proc goldstandard {} {return "[bold][color black on yellow]ONLY RON PAUL SUPPORTS THE GOLD STANDARD[color][bold]"}
|
||
proc alley {{name {}}} {eval "string map {radeon {[name $name]} trumpet {[overlord_word]} corrosion {[disease_word]} played {[regsub ing [sex_act] ed]} shiny {[mood_word]}} \[radeon9\]"}
|
||
proc ssay args {return [ajoin "" [wrap [wrap [lrange $args 1 [llength $args]] 50] 50] "\n\\" [lindex $args 0]];}
|
||
proc hugegaydicks {} {upper "[big_word] [choose GAY JEWISH HOMO HOMOSEXUAL CUCKOLDING] [plural [penis_word]] [choose BASHING SMASHING WHACKING SMUSHING SLAPPING] YOUR [choose MOUTH ASS CUNT EYES EARS URETHRA] AND [choose FACE FORESKIN DICK COCK BUTT BROWN-STAR SLUTHOLE LIPS NOSE EYES EARS SHOULDERS] ([time_word])"}
|
||
proc hellonote {{name {}}} {return "<hello> notice how [name $name] does not deny that he is a [random_word]\n<hello> PLEASE NOTE"}
|
||
proc fake_cmd {} {. [box [realwrap [cmdline]\n[choose "[black_ls]" "[configure]"] 160]]}
|
||
proc drudgeattack {} {string toupper [subst [join [lindex $::drudge_headlines 7 ]]]}
|
||
proc omgtower {} { return "OH NO SUPERMARIO WORLD CACTUS\n[omg] [flip [omg]] [omg] [flip [omg]] [omg]" }
|
||
proc iorant {} {. "\<\@ioerror\> miah, the nice thing about irc is that i can do it from anywhere\n\<\@[tranny_word]\> with all the transparancy at noisebridge, i dont see what the big deal is with you giving out more permission to other members to maintain this channel\n\<\@ioerror\> [tranny_word], the channel has always depended on me - the question is making it different and at the moment, I don't have time to deal with this"}
|
||
proc gasflag {} {flag gas/flatulence}
|
||
proc al_niggerbot {} {. Albot: [subst [lindex_random $::al_nig]]}
|
||
proc egghead {} {. "http://photos-c.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v166/160/97/580553812/n580553812_287794_1609.jpg"}
|
||
proc ffnot {{who {}}} {return "[bt fags for every1]\n \n[bt except [name $who]]\n \n[bt cuz hes a fag]"}
|
||
proc pua_location {} {subst [?? $::pua_locations]}
|
||
proc join_on_more args { if {[llength $args] > 1} { return [join $args] }; return [lindex $args 0] }
|
||
proc host hostname {last [regexp -inline {/ip/(.+?)"} [http://bgp.he.net/dns/$hostname]]}
|
||
proc go:changeboard {gboard board} { go:newboard [go:width $gboard] [go:height $gboard] $board }
|
||
proc willplot {} {. "\"[ucwords [gay_word]][sequel]\" ([string totitle [genre]], [+ 1982 [rand 26]]) based on the bestseller '[ucwords [choose [gay_word] [crw_word]]] in [city]' tells the story of Will St. Clair ([celebrity]) growing up in a [era] [state], coping with [gay_word], [gay_word], and [sun_word]. [review]"}
|
||
proc gaychar c {set c [string toupper $c]; if ![info exists ::alphabet($c)] {return [join [string repeat "{ } " 5] \n]}; set g [gay]; regsub -all {\*($|\n| )} [regsub -all {(^|\n| )\*} [decode $::alphabet($c)] "\\1$g,$g*"] "*\\1"}
|
||
proc sadunsay args {stampsay -s sadun -l [join $args] }
|
||
proc valentines {} { if [catch {subst [?? $::valentines]} ret] { return [valentines]} { return $ret }}
|
||
proc loliran {} {return "[color green on green]oooooooooooooooooo\n[color red on white] (lulz) \n[color red on red]oooooooooooooooooo\n"}
|
||
proc bigbuttes {} {return "[bgt [butte_word]s]"}
|
||
proc browndit args {each [regexp -inline -all {<item><title>(.+?)</title>.+(http.+?)">\[link\]} [wget http://www.reddit.com/r/${args}.rss?limit=10]] {{{} title link} {. \00307 [html ${title}]\n [html ${link}]}}}
|
||
proc chigger {} {chinkerize [permute [niggerphrase]]}
|
||
proc radium {} {return "Forums too busy!\nSorry! The forums database has too much work to do at the moment and is not taking any further connections until it catches up.\nYOU DO NOT NEED TO REPORT THIS!"}
|
||
proc testsay args {ajoin "" [gorf] "\n / \n" [wrap [join $args " "] 30]}
|
||
proc negruka {{who {}}} {return "[negromg] [rainbow [duka $who]]"}
|
||
proc trippy_spew {} {aflip [moiraspew]}
|
||
proc STburger {} {join {{ ___ } { .-'';:::. } { / ',''.;;;\ } {| ','','.''| } {|\ ' ,',' /' } {`.`-.___.-;' } { `--._.-'} {}} {
|
||
}}
|
||
proc buttes_stool_line {} {subst [lindex_random $::stool_description]}
|
||
proc taps_wi {} {?? $::taps_wi_dict}
|
||
proc spamcaltrain {{content {}} {who {}}} { http post http://www.ipetitions.com/scripts/submit?id=599b2fb3 q01 [or $who [jewfullname]] q02 [word]@[word].com q03 [or $content [ono]] q04 "" submit "Sign petition >>"; . see http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/Slowthetrains/signatures-2.html }
|
||
proc ihbt {{name {}}} {. [or $name [nick]] "has been trolled\; \"ihbt,\" he quickly replies, hoping to take the edge off the blow. Phew, he thinks, that was close."}
|
||
proc buttes_totem {} { ajoin " " " " [aflip [randart 6]] "\n\n\n\n Buttes Totem of [butte_word]" }
|
||
proc zero str {if {$str <10} {return "0$str"} {return $str}}
|
||
proc macrumors:last_post_id {} {lindex [regexp -inline {<postid>(\d+)</postid>} [http://spy.macrumors.com/spy.xml]] 1}
|
||
proc cflags {{length 0}} {if {$length == 0} {set length [expr {[rand 10]+5}]}; string trim [subst [string repeat {[cflag] } $length]]}
|
||
proc cockesfood args {set who [?? [recent_names]];set whom $who;. [regsub {\w$} [^ [rand 1 [llength [log_for $whom]]] $who] {&.}] [mmm]}
|
||
proc randtag {} {set tag [?? [tags]]; . $tag: [img-$tag]}
|
||
proc utf8_unescape args {eval ". $args"}
|
||
proc holocaust {} {return "never happened"}
|
||
proc dogcow {} { . moof}
|
||
proc fagacro {} {randacro [regsub -all {[^a-zA-Z]} [randacro [word]] {}]}
|
||
proc im_smart {} { return "/mode #chatkrew +o paz_"; }
|
||
proc jonni {} {biggaytext "faggot"}
|
||
proc fixbazooka {} {eval "proc bazooka \{\} \{return \"\\ ________________________________________\n-|_________________________________|= = - -|==== _______ >\n / / _ |/ /\n\n/ /_//_/ nigga where my bazooka be at\"\}"}
|
||
proc islapua {{what {}}} {if {$what eq ""} {set what [islam_word]}; . "[upper [pua_verb2] those who [insult_verb] [upper $what]]"}
|
||
proc fails args { return "OH PLZ MASSUH US PO FOLK GONNA TRY HARDER PULEEZ" }
|
||
proc randomsubmitdrudge {} {return "[submitdrudge [drudgestory]]"}
|
||
proc source {} {lindex_random $::sources}
|
||
proc odin {} { lindex_random $::odin }
|
||
proc roggles size {set kalle ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=$size} {incr i} {append kalle "Kalle loves dick\n"}; return "$kalle"}
|
||
proc rand_string loops {set randstr ""; for {set i 1} {$i<=$loops} {incr i} {append randstr [rand_char]}; return "$randstr"}
|
||
proc shesa {{one heart} {two dream} {three love}} {return "She's a $one breaker, $two maker, $three taker! Don't you mess around with me!"}
|
||
proc dare str {return "How bout you do me a favor leave me a time and place to meet you $str so we can settle this shit. i made it clear that im tired of this shit talken and im gunna fucken put this shit to a stop. so lets go I FUCKEN DARE YOU TO LEAVE ME YOUR NAME."}
|
||
proc schizoid {} {pyramid schizoid\ }
|
||
proc torontoname {} {subst [join [lselect_random $::toronto_names_pool 1]]}
|
||
proc murr {} {return "purr"}
|
||
proc song_front {} {return [choose "" "[subst [?? $::song_front_dict]] "]}
|
||
proc longspew {{n 200}} {return [subst [regsub -all {\s+} [gudrize [split [string repeat \ $n] {}]] {[rand_char]}]]}
|
||
proc winkiediagnosis {} {. "[?? $::dr_greeting]. [choose {It looks like} {I'm afraid}] [choose {you have} {you are suffering from} {your diagnosis is}] [capitalize [subst [?? $::disease_subst_dict]]]."}
|
||
proc log_for who {select [log] {line {expr {[string toupper [lindex $line 1]] eq [string toupper $who]}}}}
|
||
proc gaytest {{n 5}} { . $n }
|
||
proc moiracam1 {} {return " .--.\n |/`-\\\n __ _( -\\-\n _.-' | __(,\n .' _.-' \\/ %;\n /\\.' / ;%,\n \\/ '.__.-' '#;\n | / ;%,"}
|
||
proc moiracam2 {} {return " _.,_\n ,-'.' .`-,\n ;; '. ' `. ;` - _\n * _,-; ' ; `. ,% .-, -\n ,_.,-'` ';; ; : ;%' | | \\\n_ _._,-`'\\ `'-`' _.,' `. )\n,`' ,._,.-`-., _.,-.--.-,`''` | _| |__\n//\\ / .-, `-`-^--`'^`-...,,| | |.,/"}
|
||
proc jizzcumm2 args {set str [lrange $args 0 end-1]; join [map [seq 1 [last $args]] {x {jizzcums2 $str}}] \n}
|
||
proc british_person {} {lindex_random $::british_persons}
|
||
proc moiracam3 {} {return " * \\_ \\ x |\n /\\_,/// > ) \\_ \\\n / ,/ +\\ / / _/ )_/\n \\__|+ O ) \\/ _/ \\/\n * /\\__D/ \\ _/ )\n * / _ o \\ _/, _/\n * / / ,_/ __/\n / / \\ o// _/"}
|
||
proc moiracam4 {} {return " / ___\n / / - -\n \\ C >\n _)' _( .' ,\n __/ |_/\ \" *. o\n /` \\_\\ \\/ %`= '_ .\n / ) \\/| .^',*. ,\n /' /- o/ - \" % '_"}
|
||
proc abezfm {} {drawtable [repeat [rand 18 20] {list [?? [odd_elm [expr {[channel] == "#onebutan" ? $::onebutan_lastfm_usermap : $::lastfm_user_map}]]] [choose [capitalize [*fullname]] [band]] [capitalize [strip_u [song_front][fetish_porn]]\ [song_modifier]]}] {default red green}}
|
||
proc moiracam5 {} {return " \[~] {_} .'```\"\".\n |=| |(| / / \\\n .-' '-. |=| \\__/` \\ \\\n |-----| ' . / \\ |_ _ '. |\n | ~~~ | \\~~~/ |.--| ' . 6 6 `)/\n | ~~~ | \\_/ || | \\~~~/ | /_ |\n | XXX | Y || | \\_/ \\ _, / |\n |-----| _|_ |'--| Y \\__.' |_"}
|
||
proc '`/ {} {/^darren\d*$/}
|
||
proc unknown:1:cmd/^http:/ {matches args} {wget [join $args]}
|
||
proc moiracam6 {} {return " ____\n | ||\n | =- ||\\\n | || \\\n | ||\\ `////-----.\n \\___'|_////)/ \\\n | `-----/ / \\\n | _____/ /| \\\n \\ (_______/ | /\\____\n \\__________/ \\_____\\\n ___/__________\\____________\\"}
|
||
proc image-upyours url { magick_overlay $url http://i.imgur.com/ttDg4.png }
|
||
proc csam_dikkyize args {. [csammize [dikkyize $args]]}
|
||
proc qwantzgest args {qwantz [concat [map [string map {{ lyrics} {}} [google_suggest_results_for [join $args]]] [& first]] [toot]]}
|
||
proc unmorse str {string map {{ } {} {/} { }} [string map [join [map $::morsecodemap {{x y} {. "{$y } $x "}}]] [string map {_ -} "$str "]]}
|
||
proc aimproebaum args { aim -n [aimname $args] [proebaum] }
|
||
proc ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa. {} {return "~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~shoa"}
|
||
proc yolo args fml
|
||
proc letsfrot {} frot_figures
|
||
proc animaljoke {} {return "Q: How many [ethnic_group] can you fit in a [animal]'s [body_part]? A: [rand 50], if you cut off their [plural [body_part]]!"}
|
||
proc mandelansi {{mansize 1}} { set out {}; for {set e 1.1} {$e > -1.2} {set e [expr {$e - .1/$mansize}]} {for {set b -2.0} {$b < 1.0} {set b [expr {$b + 0.04/$mansize}]; append out [expr {($b > 1) ? "\n":[. [^C][rnscale 15 $h 126],[rnscale 15 $h 126]X]}]} {for {set r 0; set n 0; set h 127} {[expr {$r*$r+$n*$n}] < 4 && [incr h -1] > 32} {set d $r; set r [expr {$r*$r-$n*$n+$b}]; set n [expr {2*$d*$n+$e}]} {}; }; }; ansiopt $out; }
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proc do_times {n block} { for {set i 0} {$i < $n} {incr i} { uplevel 1 $block } }
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proc todo:del {idx {who {[nick]}}} {set who [name [subst $who]]; if [array exists ::todo{$who}] { array set ::todo{$who} [list $who [concat [lrange [last [array get ::todo{$who}]] 0 [expr $idx - 2]] [lrange [last [array get ::todo{$who}]] $idx end]]]}}
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proc abezfu {} {ajoin "" [fu] [STabezexp] [flip [fu]]}
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proc terrorist {} {return "[arabic] [string toupper [spook]] [arabic]"}
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proc arabify args { join [map [split $args "\n" ] {x {->ar $x}}] "\n"}
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proc clan {} { return "[hacker "~x~x~ if you know more than 10 linux command, join mah new linux clan \{\{[randacro "[lindex_random [seq a z]][lindex_random [seq a z]]"]\}\}, openings fillin up fast!! ~x~x~ first scrimmage saturday ~x~x~"] CLAN LEADA: [vertigize [underscore [random_word]\ [random_word]]] WEBMASTA: [vertigize [underscore [random_word]]] RECRUITA: [vertigize [underscore [random_word]]]"}
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proc date {} {choose [swinglerdate] [kmdate]}
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proc gruberize words {magick annotate http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3657/3632243047_7d16b5fa57_o.jpg 32 330 305 black [wrap $words 19] ComicSans.ttf}
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proc gaybow str {set i 2; set ret ""; foreach j [split $str {}] {append ret "[format "01,%02d" $i]$j"; if {$i == 12} {set i 1}; incr i}; return "$ret"}
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proc empty_formatting {} {list b 0 u 0 r 0 o 0 c 0 fg -1 bg -1}
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proc aaron_lease {} {. <[name]> hey aaron, would you like to lease a [pick 1 appliance_word 1 mac_word 1 car_word] for $[rand 10 1000] a month}
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proc bfucker {} {return " .@@@@@.\n / \\\n / 6 6 \\ stop eyeing me,\n( ^ ,) Baby Fucker!\n \\ c /-._\n `._____.' `--.__\n \\ / `/``''''-.\n Y 7 / :\n | / | .--. :\n / /__ \\/ `.__.:.____.-.\n / / / `'''`/ .-'..____.-. \\\nB jgs _.-' /_/ ( \\-. \\"}
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proc mladsay args {if {$args eq ""} {set what [cached_onehug]} {set what [join $args]}; stampsay -s mlad [string toupper $what][string repeat ! [rand 1 10]] UNBAN MLAD[string repeat ! [rand 1 10]] [mlad]}
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proc clash args {after 1 {string map [list x [string repeat x 999999]] [string repeat x 999999]}; lacist [or [join $args] "I go bye bye now"]}
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proc threesome {} {gorfsay [gorfsay [gorfsay "ohh yaa"]]}
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proc scienowock {} {return "'Twas [scienoword], and the [scienoword] [scienoword] did [scienoword] and [scienoword] in the [scienoword];\n All [scienoword] were the [scienoword] and the [scienoword] [scienoword] [scienoword].\n Beware the [niggerword], my son! The [plural [body_part]] that bite, the [plural [body_part]] that catch!\n Beware the [scienoword] [animal_word], and shun the [scienoword] [scienoword]!"}
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proc penis_song {} { join $::penis_song_lyrics "\n" }
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proc rbl_time {{time 0}} {if !$time {set time [rbl_time_seconds]}; clock format $time -format "%b %d %H:%M:%S"}
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proc url_stripanchor url {regsub {#.*} $url {}}
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proc magick_composite_top_left {urlbottom urltop} {magick composite $urlbottom [magick_id $urltop] 0 0}
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proc sharkddos {} {string map [list SHARKS PACKETS HOUSTON [name] {NEW ORLEANS} {ARAB} HURRICANE DDOS RITA [name]] [sharks]}
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proc nord_count {} {llength [intersect [string tolower [names]] [string tolower $::nord_count]]}
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proc +bronyquote args { lappend ::brony_quotes [flatten [args]] }
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||
proc gentlyfuck {{who Gentelmens}} {. $who would U be so kind,to give me to USE your ASS HOLEs, for a little gently fuck !!}
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proc addgoon str {lappend ::goon_dict $str; return ""}
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proc okeyloot {} {return "The [color blue]Okeys[color] left a chest! You open the chest. Inside was [articleize [choose [blackitem] [mroach_item] [ww_item] [faglame] [rumored_apple_product] [cooking_appliance] [sexpart] [food_word] [drink] [weapon] [niggerword] [name] [al_man_word] [ethnic_group] [sex_fluid] [drug_word] [marginalize] [shsc_word] [animal_word] [furry_noun] [dndname] [undesirables]]]!"}
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||
proc liberalagenda:event {} { subst [lindex_random $::liberalagenda] }
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||
proc classism {} {. [british_person] would never be caught dead eating [food_word] at 5 PM}
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proc yield args { uplevel 2 [list apply [list let [uplevel block]] $args] }
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